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(Daily Mail)   Best-selling author of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" worries she would go insane if she tried to be a new mother today, what with millions of potential baby activities and overly competitive Internet moms overloading her mind   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 92
    More: Obvious, best-selling author, internet, attachment parenting  
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4155 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2013 at 9:05 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-11 09:07:38 AM  
Good lord Subby - that headline was totally accurate. Where do you think you are?
 
2013-03-11 09:08:06 AM  
Have people lost the ability to "self filter"?

"Hey look, something I find objectionable and that causes me stress. Perhaps I'll just ignore it and instead base my life on my own internal values".
 
2013-03-11 09:08:27 AM  
Do not ever read the last chapter on birth defects.

If you do the math, each child born, will have 2.8 birth defects.
 
2013-03-11 09:09:24 AM  
It's amazing how people forget that the internet has an "off" button that is readily accessible.
 
2013-03-11 09:09:46 AM  

quickdraw: that headline was totally accurate



Huh. Fark's no longer 0:12,874,391
 
2013-03-11 09:18:53 AM  
DoALLthethings.jpg

/seriously, are we getting so absurd we can't read some stuff and filter out the chaff?
//RIP sanity
 
2013-03-11 09:18:54 AM  

SockMonkeyHolocaust: It's amazing how people forget that the internet has an "off" button that is readily accessible.


Pregnant women are not paragons of logic.
 
2013-03-11 09:20:46 AM  
Internet and device addiction doesn't help.
 
2013-03-11 09:21:37 AM  

Fano: SockMonkeyHolocaust: It's amazing how people forget that the internet has an "off" button that is readily accessible.

Pregnant women are not paragons of logic.


Truer words have never been spoken
 
2013-03-11 09:27:01 AM  

WhippingBoy: Have people lost the ability to "self filter"?

"Hey look, something I find objectionable and that causes me stress. Perhaps I'll just ignore it and instead base my life on my own internal values".


One of the casualties of the internet age. The increased ability to communicate and organize comes at a price: people who disagree with you can communicate and organize too, and eventually one of these organizations will convince itself that physical violence in the real world will carry as few consequences as verbal abuse does on the internet.

/and, with a large and powerful enough organization, they will be correct
 
2013-03-11 09:27:55 AM  

WhippingBoy: Have people lost the ability to "self filter"?

"Hey look, something I find objectionable and that causes me stress. Perhaps I'll just ignore it and instead base my life on my own internal values".


People have never had this ability. If they did, we'd have world peace.

The internet just gives us a quicker and more convenient mechanism for finding things to get upset about.
 
2013-03-11 09:29:42 AM  
Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?
 
2013-03-11 09:33:15 AM  
So... just talk to your parents and your in-laws about their issues raising you and your spouse instead of trawling the entire collective knowledge base on child rearing?

Using the entire internet and community to figure how to raise your child is kind of like using a textbook on auto design 101 to figure out how to maintain your specific make and model of car.  Your kid is going to have your family's genetics and inherit most of his/her behaviors from you and your spouse (and indirectly the grandparents), you've actually got a reasonably narrow pool of info to choose from.

And if you're going to be competitive with your kids, please do those children a great big favor and don't have them.  They would thank you if they existed, for the fact that they don't exist and didn't have their entire life screwed up by your neurotic bullshiat.
 
2013-03-11 09:33:42 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


Of course. Give your kid up for adoption. You're still technically a parent.

Otherwise... no. No there isn't.
 
2013-03-11 09:34:11 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


Adopt a 2 year old?

/Or get a puppy
 
2013-03-11 09:34:25 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


adoption
 
2013-03-11 09:36:29 AM  

lexnaturalis: Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?

Of course. Give your kid up for adoption. You're still technically a parent.

Otherwise... no. No there isn't.


Really? I was wondering if having a set of retired in-laws nearby might work.  Maybe get 2-4 nights/week of uninterrupted sleep.  Though, dealing with in-laws is its own set of challenges.
 
2013-03-11 09:36:51 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


Become a babby daddy
 
2013-03-11 09:36:55 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


Nope. Another reason I didn't have kids. That kind of sleep deprivation would drive over the deep end.
 
2013-03-11 09:36:58 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


It's simple. Just hire a nanny and an overnight baby nurse.
 
2013-03-11 09:37:32 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


The possibility is there, but it's just a possibility. My kid was sleeping 12 - 6 from about 2 months, and that's not uncommon.
 
2013-03-11 09:37:32 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


Adopt a 25 year old with their own apartment

/obscure?
//someone must recognize it
 
2013-03-11 09:37:36 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


People always say they never regret their decision to have kids. I think that's probably a lie they tell themselves to deal with the fact they know they're stuck with the little brat forever. Find a couple with a kid you like, and offer to buy it. But be sure to pay for a fake funeral so the parents don't look like dicks who sold their kids.
 
2013-03-11 09:39:30 AM  

Sudo_Make_Me_A_Sandwich: People always say they never regret their decision to have kids. I think that's probably a lie they tell themselves to deal with the fact they know they're stuck with the little brat forever.


And I quote the genius Louis CK

"You're not making an effort as a parent if you haven't given them the finger behind their backs at least three or four times"
 
2013-03-11 09:39:51 AM  
it's cruel to bring a child into this world. we must all stop procreating and just let it end. In 100 years, there will be only animals, birds and bugs and the Earth will be so much better for it.
 
2013-03-11 09:40:03 AM  

Sudo_Make_Me_A_Sandwich: Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?

People always say they never regret their decision to have kids. I think that's probably a lie they tell themselves to deal with the fact they know they're stuck with the little brat forever. Find a couple with a kid you like, and offer to buy it. But be sure to pay for a fake funeral so the parents don't look like dicks who sold their kids.


LOL

Brilliant! This is why nieces, nephews, and your friends' kids are great -- small doses.
 
2013-03-11 09:40:15 AM  
The best part of the article is the sidebar filled with stories on the Kardashians!  I lurv z Kardashians!

blech
 
2013-03-11 09:41:51 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


Adopt.

But the sleep deprivation is really only the first 3-6 months, and you will surprise yourself with how well you cope. After that you get a lot more full night's sleep.

Best thing you can do, if you are male: get into really good shape before the birth. You will have less time to work out afterwards, but more importantly, it will be easier to help your wife out. About 80% of the burden of parenthood falls on the mother during the first year so you'll need to all you can...and don't expect much gratitude or even recognition for it.

If you are female, the best thing you can do is take B vitamins (folic acid) and eat well. And after birth, show some goddamn appreciation for christ's sake!
 
2013-03-11 09:42:09 AM  
It's wise to start working on that helicopter hover in the sixth month of gestation, so you'll have it mastered before you unload your kid on the daycare center at six weeks of age. Many centers require that you demonstrate the skill, along with a feigned interest in parenthood.
 
2013-03-11 09:42:12 AM  

Fukuzawa: Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?

Adopt a 25 year old with their own apartment

/obscure?
//someone must recognize it


encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2013-03-11 09:43:04 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


Keep your baby well and plan its sleep properly. Treat colic properly, for God's sake, there's no need for a healthy baby to have it. Start feeding them a half-teaspoon of baby rice with their milk and sloooowly increase until they're basically on solids. Colic is intenstinal cramps because there's nothing solid in the guts to move, I'm surprised that adults have to be told this when almost all of us know what discomfort bad gas is, and how you bring it on easily with a liquid diet, high dairy, low fibre and all the other crap we expect a frigging baby to endure quietly. Don't be one of those idiots that leaves a baby with colic in the 21st century, if relieving your babies pain is not reason enough, you'll sleep because your baby can.

Other than general health and treating colic though, it's a baby. It doesn't know what sociable sleep times are. You can reduce the pain (I have a very caring and sensible friend that is still getting enough sleep to be functional, which is no mean feat as he has difficulties with a full sleep as it is) but at the end of the day, you've created a life and you will nees to wipe it's ass for years. Oh, and if its a girl in nappies and she gets diarrhea, you'll get to enjoy cleaning out your baby daughters labia. Did nobody ever tell you about that? I was laughing for ten minutes solid at the reaction of my friend when he had to do that for the first time. Priceless.
 
2013-03-11 09:44:12 AM  

Jim_Callahan: So... just talk to your parents and your in-laws about their issues raising you and your spouse instead of trawling the entire collective knowledge base on child rearing?


I don't know.  My MIL thought that this "newfangled" formula was Da Devil, and that we should use her recipe she used on my husband that consisted of condensed sweetened milk, Karo syrup, water.  Also, ibuprofen during teething was going to turn my son inside out, evidently, because "we didn't have those things when our kids were little."

I'd rather trawl the respectable, health-related sites as a basis to effective questioning at the doctor's office, and then go by instinct and common sense.  "What to Expect When You're Expecting" is basically the Harlequin novel of the advice world.
 
2013-03-11 09:47:18 AM  
The internet is a horrible resource for pregnant women.  My wife and I are expecting our first and we have a hard and fast rule, never ever search on the internet for anything important.  Case in point, My wife was having some pretty heavy cramping around week 8.  The resources on the web ran from it's nothing to OMG YOU'RE MISCARRYING YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MOTHER.

More often than not, it was the latter.
 
2013-03-11 09:49:29 AM  

Tatterdemalian: WhippingBoy: Have people lost the ability to "self filter"?

"Hey look, something I find objectionable and that causes me stress. Perhaps I'll just ignore it and instead base my life on my own internal values".

One of the casualties of the internet age. The increased ability to communicate and organize comes at a price: people who disagree with you can communicate and organize too, and eventually one of these organizations will convince itself that physical violence in the real world will carry as few consequences as verbal abuse does on the internet.

/and, with a large and powerful enough organization, they will be correct


Well, if all those idiots would just recognize the great truths that come from my mouth, and realize that they're wrong, we wouldn't have this problem.
 
2013-03-11 09:50:56 AM  

PrinceOfPersia: Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?

Keep your baby well and plan its sleep properly. Treat colic properly, for God's sake, there's no need for a healthy baby to have it. Start feeding them a half-teaspoon of baby rice with their milk and sloooowly increase until they're basically on solids. Colic is intenstinal cramps because there's nothing solid in the guts to move, I'm surprised that adults have to be told this when almost all of us know what discomfort bad gas is, and how you bring it on easily with a liquid diet, high dairy, low fibre and all the other crap we expect a frigging baby to endure quietly. Don't be one of those idiots that leaves a baby with colic in the 21st century, if relieving your babies pain is not reason enough, you'll sleep because your baby can.

Other than general health and treating colic though, it's a baby. It doesn't know what sociable sleep times are. You can reduce the pain (I have a very caring and sensible friend that is still getting enough sleep to be functional, which is no mean feat as he has difficulties with a full sleep as it is) but at the end of the day, you've created a life and you will nees to wipe it's ass for years. Oh, and if its a girl in nappies and she gets diarrhea, you'll get to enjoy cleaning out your baby daughters labia. Did nobody ever tell you about that? I was laughing for ten minutes solid at the reaction of my friend when he had to do that for the first time. Priceless.


Nnnnope. But for those can, more power to them.
 
2013-03-11 09:51:15 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


my 3 year old still wakes up once maybe 75% of the time and my 1 year old wakes up maybe twice per night on average occasionally they both sleep through the night but that's maybe once a week. You get use to it, a full nights sleep leaves me so freaking groggy I hate it, I'm at my best at maybe 4 hours sleep split into two two hour sessions. If I'm sleeping through the night I usually wake up around 1am or so and code for an hour or two then go back to bed and get up at 5. You'd be shocked at what you can get use to, on the other hand, my wife has a hard time coping so I handle the nights and let her sleep.

/mothers are ridiculously competitive, it's a real shame, they should be more supportive of each other.
//there's no support for fathers anywhere, you're on your own.
 
2013-03-11 09:52:02 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


Yes - you can be like pretty much everyone else who has a kid, because 99% of them sleep through the night well before their second birthday.
 
2013-03-11 09:52:08 AM  
Further to my delightful post above - in the same way that you'd go to a group of nerds for the best, real world advice on a subject, go to a close-knit circle of mothers with an IQ higher than room temperature, who have all had several kids. They are baby nerds. You'll get honest, good, WORKING advice from people that have done it several times, cared every time and are smart enough to compare notes.
 
2013-03-11 09:53:24 AM  

pxlboy: PrinceOfPersia: Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?

Keep your baby well and plan its sleep properly. Treat colic properly, for God's sake, there's no need for a healthy baby to have it. Start feeding them a half-teaspoon of baby rice with their milk and sloooowly increase until they're basically on solids. Colic is intenstinal cramps because there's nothing solid in the guts to move, I'm surprised that adults have to be told this when almost all of us know what discomfort bad gas is, and how you bring it on easily with a liquid diet, high dairy, low fibre and all the other crap we expect a frigging baby to endure quietly. Don't be one of those idiots that leaves a baby with colic in the 21st century, if relieving your babies pain is not reason enough, you'll sleep because your baby can.

Other than general health and treating colic though, it's a baby. It doesn't know what sociable sleep times are. You can reduce the pain (I have a very caring and sensible friend that is still getting enough sleep to be functional, which is no mean feat as he has difficulties with a full sleep as it is) but at the end of the day, you've created a life and you will nees to wipe it's ass for years. Oh, and if its a girl in nappies and she gets diarrhea, you'll get to enjoy cleaning out your baby daughters labia. Did nobody ever tell you about that? I was laughing for ten minutes solid at the reaction of my friend when he had to do that for the first time. Priceless.

Nnnnope. But for those can, more power to them.


Nope to which bit? The colic advice?

You ever tried it?
 
2013-03-11 09:53:45 AM  

H31N0US: But the sleep deprivation is really only the first 3-6 months, and you will surprise yourself with how well you cope. After that you get a lot more full night's sleep.


Tell that to my now 6 year old, who went through night terrors from about 2 years old to almost 5.

I'd have mornings where I was at work and I literally had no idea how I got there because I was so tired and out of it.
 
2013-03-11 09:55:32 AM  

SockMonkeyHolocaust: It's amazing how people forget that the internet has an "off" button that is readily accessible.


The problem isn't that you can't get away from the internet - it's that you can't get away from other mothers that have used the internet.  The continued onslaught of questions and knowing looks makes you want to become among the most relcusive of hermits.

My kids are "sports age" now - the number of people running their kids to three or more different activities each week is staggering.  Assuming a practice or two each week and a game (or two) - these kids have 20+ commitments each week.

My sister-in-law, who constantly complain of how busy she is, just signed her kids up for martial arts... 3x per week on top of everything else.  Some people just need to learn how to say "enough already".  But now my wife is asking me if we should sign our kids up.....

The fear is that your kid will somehow miss some life-altering experience - - - maybe they could be the next great soccer player, violinist, pottery artist, equestrian or whatever if only they had been exposed to it at an early enough age.  You can't win - there's too much to do to expose you kid to it all by the time they turn 10.  Find some stuff to do and raise you kids - don't let the TV do it, but realize you can't cover all the bases and trying will probably ruin your life.
 
2013-03-11 09:56:19 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


well, I had two who were both sleeping 6.5 hours straight by 10 weeks, and 12 hours by 5 months.  We were pretty strict about their schedules, which curtailed social activities, but it was totally worth it in that I went back to work when both were 3 months old.

So yes, there is, but you won't know until it's too late.
 
2013-03-11 09:58:04 AM  

WhippingBoy: Have people lost the ability to "self filter"?

"Hey look, something I find objectionable and that causes me stress. Perhaps I'll just ignore it and instead base my life on my own internal values".


You only have so much energy to dedicate to various tasks.

If you have a newborn a lot of that energy is consumed by lack of sleep, doubt (am I doing it right? Is it normal that he ...) and the additional effort you need to put in just to keep everything afloat in your life. If you also keep getting bombarded with (conflicting) opinions and judgements you will eventually crack and let some things past the defences.

Some things are easy to filter, the internet is one of them. It takes very little effort not to go to baby message boards. Yet there are also items which will follow you around. Think about the online communities you are a part of, pulling out of those might be harder.

Television can also be hard to ignore since a lot of shows might show scenes in which parents do things you don't, but people did encourage you to do (which is not to say that that method is actually better for your sitution). You can zap away from baby programs, but stop watching every show in which a baby features at some point and you might have to drop quite a few favourites.

Family, friends and the strangers at the bus stop (never underestimate the amount of people who want to talk about babies) are harder because you can't live life as a shut in for the first 12 years of the child's life. Even if you de manage to get everyone to shut up eventually, you will still have been exposed to a ton of information in those first few weeks/months. Even if you manage to produce a perfectly average person you'll hear people talking about how their James got into Harvard, and oh, your child didn't? Did you play classical music while he was in the womb? No? Well, there you have it.

Having choices isn't always a good thing. Especially if you need to read up on all the various pros and cons before making a decision on schools, electricity, internet providers, the use of soy, the cheapest health care provider which still fits your needs, cars, pets, cell phone plans, least evil politician (judges, police, local government, state and federal), medicine (ask your doctor if X is good for you!) etc. Now add in the shiatload of options for each category and all the reading you are expected to do to make an informed choice. And now you are expected to pick a few out of the 5000 various baby activities, the lack of which supposedly mark the child for life. So once again, can people self regulate and self filter? Sometimes I'm amazed that people's brains don't fry because of the sheer load of crap we force it to keep track of.

/But it would explain a lot if brains were fried
//Scottish zombies would have the time of their unlife.
 
2013-03-11 09:58:29 AM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!

i36.photobucket.com

My beautiful little girl sleeps 4-5 hours for one night and then turns into a screaming angry hornet, sleeping in 1-2 hour shifts for the next three nights. Rinse. Repeat.
Mrs. Screwhead gets the worst of it since the short shifts also mean cluster-feeding.
/still very new to this parenting thing
 
2013-03-11 10:03:55 AM  

PrinceOfPersia: pxlboy: PrinceOfPersia: Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?

Keep your baby well and plan its sleep properly. Treat colic properly, for God's sake, there's no need for a healthy baby to have it. Start feeding them a half-teaspoon of baby rice with their milk and sloooowly increase until they're basically on solids. Colic is intenstinal cramps because there's nothing solid in the guts to move, I'm surprised that adults have to be told this when almost all of us know what discomfort bad gas is, and how you bring it on easily with a liquid diet, high dairy, low fibre and all the other crap we expect a frigging baby to endure quietly. Don't be one of those idiots that leaves a baby with colic in the 21st century, if relieving your babies pain is not reason enough, you'll sleep because your baby can.

Other than general health and treating colic though, it's a baby. It doesn't know what sociable sleep times are. You can reduce the pain (I have a very caring and sensible friend that is still getting enough sleep to be functional, which is no mean feat as he has difficulties with a full sleep as it is) but at the end of the day, you've created a life and you will nees to wipe it's ass for years. Oh, and if its a girl in nappies and she gets diarrhea, you'll get to enjoy cleaning out your baby daughters labia. Did nobody ever tell you about that? I was laughing for ten minutes solid at the reaction of my friend when he had to do that for the first time. Priceless.

Nnnnope. But for those can, more power to them.

Nope to which bit? The colic advice?

You ever tried it?


Having kids.
 
2013-03-11 10:05:48 AM  

MyKingdomForYourHorse: H31N0US: But the sleep deprivation is really only the first 3-6 months, and you will surprise yourself with how well you cope. After that you get a lot more full night's sleep.

Tell that to my now 6 year old, who went through night terrors from about 2 years old to almost 5.

I'd have mornings where I was at work and I literally had no idea how I got there because I was so tired and out of it.


Heh... yeah... my son was 6 before his night terrors stopped. I'm still adjusting to being able to sleep through the night.
When he first started sleeping through, we'd wake him up every couple of hours to make sure he was still alive.
 
2013-03-11 10:06:17 AM  

Fukuzawa: Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?

Adopt a 25 year old with their own apartment

/obscure?
//someone must recognize it


What's funny is that people actually try to do this, except replacing the general term "adult" with the more specific "lawyer."

/children, properly raised, are still the most reliable retirement plan
//anything else tends to result in disappointment at best, and a bullet to the head after digging your own grave at worst
 
2013-03-11 10:08:18 AM  

PrinceOfPersia: Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?

Keep your baby well and plan its sleep properly. Treat colic properly, for God's sake, there's no need for a healthy baby to have it. Start feeding them a half-teaspoon of baby rice with their milk and sloooowly increase until they're basically on solids. Colic is intenstinal cramps because there's nothing solid in the guts to move, I'm surprised that adults have to be told this when almost all of us know what discomfort bad gas is, and how you bring it on easily with a liquid diet, high dairy, low fibre and all the other crap we expect a frigging baby to endure quietly. Don't be one of those idiots that leaves a baby with colic in the 21st century, if relieving your babies pain is not reason enough, you'll sleep because your baby can.


upload.wikimedia.org

Seriously.  I have twins who had colic, and adding rice to their milk/formula did absolutely nothing.  Can you name any GI issue that is soothed by riding in a car or very loud white noise?
 
2013-03-11 10:08:44 AM  

pxlboy: PrinceOfPersia: pxlboy: PrinceOfPersia: Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?

Keep your baby well and plan its sleep properly. Treat colic properly, for God's sake, there's no need for a healthy baby to have it. Start feeding them a half-teaspoon of baby rice with their milk and sloooowly increase until they're basically on solids. Colic is intenstinal cramps because there's nothing solid in the guts to move, I'm surprised that adults have to be told this when almost all of us know what discomfort bad gas is, and how you bring it on easily with a liquid diet, high dairy, low fibre and all the other crap we expect a frigging baby to endure quietly. Don't be one of those idiots that leaves a baby with colic in the 21st century, if relieving your babies pain is not reason enough, you'll sleep because your baby can.

Other than general health and treating colic though, it's a baby. It doesn't know what sociable sleep times are. You can reduce the pain (I have a very caring and sensible friend that is still getting enough sleep to be functional, which is no mean feat as he has difficulties with a full sleep as it is) but at the end of the day, you've created a life and you will nees to wipe it's ass for years. Oh, and if its a girl in nappies and she gets diarrhea, you'll get to enjoy cleaning out your baby daughters labia. Did nobody ever tell you about that? I was laughing for ten minutes solid at the reaction of my friend when he had to do that for the first time. Priceless.

Nnnnope. But for those can, more power to them.

Nope to which bit? The colic advice?

You ever tried it?

Having kids.


Touche :P
 
2013-03-11 10:09:24 AM  

WhippingBoy: Heh... yeah... my son was 6 before his night terrors stopped. I'm still adjusting to being able to sleep through the night.
When he first started sleeping through, we'd wake him up every couple of hours to make sure he was still alive.


I remember my first morning where he slept the entire night. I woke up thinking why the hell did someone turn on the lights, not realizing it was sunshine from the window. I realized what time it was and raced into the bedroom thinking he was dead.

Primitive Screwhead: My beautiful little girl sleeps 4-5 hours for one night and then turns into a screaming angry hornet, sleeping in 1-2 hour shifts for the next three nights. Rinse. Repeat.
Mrs. Screwhead gets the worst of it since the short shifts also mean cluster-feeding.
/still very new to this parenting thing


Nyquil

...just saying
 
2013-03-11 10:11:24 AM  
This website is no longer updating, but it does sum up my parenting philosophy: http://adequateparenting.com/
 
2013-03-11 10:11:48 AM  

Generic Republican: The internet is a horrible resource for pregnant women.  My wife and I are expecting our first and we have a hard and fast rule, never ever search on the internet for anything important.  Case in point, My wife was having some pretty heavy cramping around week 8.  The resources on the web ran from it's nothing to OMG YOU'RE MISCARRYING YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MOTHER.

More often than not, it was the latter.


Combine the hypochondriac fuelling nature of the internet with omg, I'm doing the most important thing I'll ever do with a healthy dollop of crazy hormones and there you have it, a perfect storm of over analysis with a crowd of conflicting armchair quarterbacks.
 
2013-03-11 10:14:16 AM  
Our almost-2-year-old slept through from about 6 months until about 22 months. The last two weeks or so, she's been waking up around 3 or 4 in the morning pretty regularly and having a hard time getting back to out. Hoping it's a phase that'll pass relatively quickly, it's made for some long nights and longer days.
 
2013-03-11 10:24:43 AM  
The best advice I can give to pregnant women is get a third shift job. My son slept through the night since he was born.

Also, never read what to expect when you're expecting.
 
2013-03-11 10:32:18 AM  

Fizpez: SockMonkeyHolocaust: It's amazing how people forget that the internet has an "off" button that is readily accessible.

The problem isn't that you can't get away from the internet - it's that you can't get away from other mothers that have used the internet.  The continued onslaught of questions and knowing looks makes you want to become among the most relcusive of hermits.

My kids are "sports age" now - the number of people running their kids to three or more different activities each week is staggering.  Assuming a practice or two each week and a game (or two) - these kids have 20+ commitments each week.

My sister-in-law, who constantly complain of how busy she is, just signed her kids up for martial arts... 3x per week on top of everything else.  Some people just need to learn how to say "enough already".  But now my wife is asking me if we should sign our kids up.....

The fear is that your kid will somehow miss some life-altering experience - - - maybe they could be the next great soccer player, violinist, pottery artist, equestrian or whatever if only they had been exposed to it at an early enough age.  You can't win - there's too much to do to expose you kid to it all by the time they turn 10.  Find some stuff to do and raise you kids - don't let the TV do it, but realize you can't cover all the bases and trying will probably ruin your life.


My mom had a semi-strict rule about after-school activities: One event at a time. And she didn't push us into anything, but she would support us with whatever thing we did. This was because she wanted us to focus on schoolwork (but not in a "if you don't get straight A's in first grade you'll be stuck in a community college" way.

My sister & I have turned out normal enough. She's an artist & I'm a truck driver.
 
2013-03-11 10:38:29 AM  
I love my kids very much and wouldn't trade them for the world. It is just sometimes they make it hard for me to like them.
 
2013-03-11 10:51:09 AM  

Wookie_Jesus: I love my kids very much and wouldn't trade them for the world. It is just sometimes they make it hard for me to like them.


So much this!!!

My son is 13. I love him, but I spend most of my days trying not to choke the shiat out of him.
 
2013-03-11 10:52:55 AM  

farkin_noob: Wookie_Jesus: I love my kids very much and wouldn't trade them for the world. It is just sometimes they make it hard for me to like them.

So much this!!!

My son is 13. I love him, but I spend most of my days trying not to choke the shiat out of him.


Anyone who hasn't considered drowning their children in a bathtub isn't actually a parent.
 
2013-03-11 11:04:35 AM  
The internet and my friends who have kid's very serious internet posts about parenting have taught me that if you don't spend all day with your kids, sleep with them (so you can't have sex), breast feed on demand, do everything on demand, use cloth diapers, yell about vaccines, have your kids rule your lives, and make them organic baby food then you are a bad parent. Also, how could you have a job when that's 8 hours you are not tending to the child's every whim? Also, you must post about feminism on facebook while doing this at a time of day when your grandmother would've been farking welding together B-17s.
 
2013-03-11 11:05:11 AM  

WhippingBoy: farkin_noob: Wookie_Jesus: I love my kids very much and wouldn't trade them for the world. It is just sometimes they make it hard for me to like them.

So much this!!!

My son is 13. I love him, but I spend most of my days trying not to choke the shiat out of him.

Anyone who hasn't considered drowning their children in a bathtub isn't actually a parent.


I'm so screwed because my son is very intelligent, a complete smartass, and bigger than me. So I occasionally put him in a headlock, so he knows who's boss. That and the emotional abuse. ;-)
 
2013-03-11 11:16:50 AM  
After school activity?

That was called work.

/Farm kid
//better for it, despite hating it back then.
 
2013-03-11 11:21:08 AM  
Expecting my second child in May, so getting a kick (and full night's sleep), etc...
 
2013-03-11 11:23:58 AM  

WhippingBoy: Anyone who hasn't considered drowning their children in a bathtub isn't actually a parent.


My daughter is 1....

I love her to death, but I am honest with people.  You will never hear the words "she is a perfect angel" out of my mouth.  She is a demon possessed, red haired tyrant who will let nothing stand in her way and we are all doomed....

Opposite of that is her brother.  He is three, slept through the night since birth, loves everybody, and is pretty laid back.  He listens, pays attention, and has manners (his first word was "Thank You")

Now, later in life, I won't have to worry about either of them when it comes to dating.  My daughter will devour the soul of any potential suitor, and my boy will be able to deal with crazy women because he had to deal with his sister....
 
2013-03-11 11:44:33 AM  
Our third will turn 3 weeks tomorrow. Best advice I can give new parents is to ignore about 95% of the advice that other parents give (including this)!

Books and the internet can't ever really prep you for your first kid. Sometimes, I think they are more harmful than good.

But "What to Expect" was actually a pretty good reference to have on hand when my wife was preggo the first (and even the 2nd time around). Most of the stuff that they experience during pregnancy is pretty normal, but it is nice to know what "normal" is.
 
2013-03-11 12:16:26 PM  
Has no one brought up that those books are just absolutely terrible yet?

How they are the best selling parenting books of all time is sort of like how McDonalds has the best selling hamburgers of all time.
 
2013-03-11 12:17:31 PM  
My child was sleeping through the night by 5 weeks. So yes, you can be a parent without 2+ years of sleep deprivation.
 
2013-03-11 12:24:54 PM  

khatchaturian: My child was sleeping through the night by 5 weeks. So yes, you can be a parent without 2+ years of sleep deprivation.


True dat.  If it's going on 2 years, you're doing something wrong.

/First one slept through the night within 6 weeks
//I'm sure the second will be...different
 
2013-03-11 12:28:31 PM  

Edward Rooney Dean of Students: //I'm sure the second will be...different


Take everything you know and love about the first one...

Now, throw it out the window!

At least that is how my second one is...
 
2013-03-11 12:36:19 PM  

Burr: Take everything you know and love about the first one...

Now, throw it out the window!

At least that is how my second one is...


That's what we've heard...

/but i don't want to...
 
2013-03-11 12:39:53 PM  

Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?


Find a significant other like me who does everything.
 
2013-03-11 12:40:26 PM  

ReAnimator: Has no one brought up that those books are just absolutely terrible yet?


My wife's OB/GYN told us to not read the What To Expect books, specifically. Some of the other books are OK, she said, but these are basically an anxiety attack in trade paperback form.

/hey, that rhymes.
 
2013-03-11 12:46:10 PM  

Edward Rooney Dean of Students: Burr: Take everything you know and love about the first one...

Now, throw it out the window!

At least that is how my second one is...

That's what we've heard...

/but i don't want to...


I pretty much expected it.  My first was "too" good.  I had a sinking feeling in my gut that the second one would more then make up for him....

Then we had a red-headed girl...and the red hair seeps into her soul which I am pretty sure she stole from one of the other babies in the nursery.
 
2013-03-11 01:24:13 PM  

MyKingdomForYourHorse: H31N0US: But the sleep deprivation is really only the first 3-6 months, and you will surprise yourself with how well you cope. After that you get a lot more full night's sleep.

Tell that to my now 6 year old, who went through night terrors from about 2 years old to almost 5.

I'd have mornings where I was at work and I literally had no idea how I got there because I was so tired and out of it.


Wow that sucks. So far so good with mine at two and a half. She will get up and cry a little then march into our room some nights, but that's about it.
 
2013-03-11 01:39:16 PM  

PrinceOfPersia: Colic is intenstinal cramps because there's nothing solid in the guts to move, I'm surprised that adults have to be told this when almost all of us know what discomfort bad gas is, and how you bring it on easily with a liquid diet, high dairy, low fibre and all the other crap we expect a frigging baby to endure quietly. Don't be one of those idiots that leaves a baby with colic in the 21st century, if relieving your babies pain is not reason enough, you'll sleep because your baby can.


While this might work sometimes, it's overly simplistic since there are multiple possible causes.  My first one had pretty bad colic- 7-9pm were always totally awful and the rest of the time he was cranky.  Turns out he was lactose intolerant- the day we switched him to lactose free formula the colic vanished and never came back.  #2 started getting cranky at about 3 months- switched him too and everything was fine after that.
 
2013-03-11 01:39:41 PM  
I give one piece of advice to all the expecting fathers I meet.  The first 6ish months with a new baby are a living hell. They are all work, no reward.  Crying, eating, sleeping and pooping is all they do.  Creatures of id.  Anyone that says otherwise is deluding themselves.  If you, the parents, didn't love the child so completely, you'd return them.  It gets more rewarding after they start to smile, laugh and interact more.
 
2013-03-11 01:49:23 PM  

PrinceOfPersia: Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?

Keep your baby well and plan its sleep properly. Treat colic properly, for God's sake, there's no need for a healthy baby to have it. Start feeding them a half-teaspoon of baby rice with their milk and sloooowly increase until they're basically on solids. Colic is intenstinal cramps because there's nothing solid in the guts to move, I'm surprised that adults have to be told this when almost all of us know what discomfort bad gas is, and how you bring it on easily with a liquid diet, high dairy, low fibre and all the other crap we expect a frigging baby to endure quietly. Don't be one of those idiots that leaves a baby with colic in the 21st century, if relieving your babies pain is not reason enough, you'll sleep because your baby can.

Other than general health and treating colic though, it's a baby. It doesn't know what sociable sleep times are. You can reduce the pain (I have a very caring and sensible friend that is still getting enough sleep to be functional, which is no mean feat as he has difficulties with a full sleep as it is) but at the end of the day, you've created a life and you will nees to wipe it's ass for years. Oh, and if its a girl in nappies and she gets diarrhea, you'll get to enjoy cleaning out your baby daughters labia. Did nobody ever tell you about that? I was laughing for ten minutes solid at the reaction of my friend when he had to do that for the first time. Priceless.


Oh look, it's one of the pretentious know-it-all internet parents that the article is talking about.
 
2013-03-11 01:57:17 PM  
Which chapter is the chapter where you're told to never shut the hell up about your kid?
 
2013-03-11 02:05:14 PM  

H31N0US: Wow that sucks. So far so good with mine at two and a half. She will get up and cry a little then march into our room some nights, but that's about it.


Yeah, that quote from Fight Club about insomnia. It's easy to 'get' it but now I actually get it.

Thankfully our daughter at 6months is light years different than he was.
 
2013-03-11 02:07:56 PM  

Glockenspiel Hero: While this might work sometimes, it's overly simplistic since there are multiple possible causes.  My first one had pretty bad colic- 7-9pm were always totally awful and the rest of the time he was cranky.  Turns out he was lactose intolerant- the day we switched him to lactose free formula the colic vanished and never came back.  #2 started getting cranky at about 3 months- switched him too and everything was fine after that.


Friends of mine had a second child who gave them hell until his mother, who was breast feeding him, stopped eating onions. Within a day, all was peaceful. Correlation and causation, of course.
 
2013-03-11 02:11:13 PM  
My first one slept 5-6 hours straight at night by the second week. It was heaven. Then Satan filled my womb with the adorableness that is my second born. He didn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time for the first 3 months, then only during the day.

You just have to adapt and deal. Husband and I would divide the evenings so we both got a nap in. On weekends he would let me get the solid night's sleep that only he got on weekdays. My older child would sleep at night, the younger during the day, so I started letting them both just watch cartoons and play at night so we could all sleep at the same time come morning. Be creative.
 
MrT
2013-03-11 02:14:24 PM  

WhippingBoy: Have people lost the ability to "self filter"?

"Hey look, something I find objectionable and that causes me stress. Perhaps I'll just ignore it and instead base my life on my own internal values".


Child rearing has become a religion that breeds fanatical and evangelical adherents. Even with the best will in the world, it's actually very hard to avoid being affected by all the crap that's thrown at you. This is made even harder by the fact that the movement has infiltrated the medical establishment to a substantial extent.

The problem is particularly acute for new mothers, since circumstances tend to dictate that they only really get to socialize with other new mothers, as very few other people operate on the same timetable. In these circumstances, you  reallydon't want to identify yourself as a non-believer or you will be ostracized. You either genuflect to the Latest Great Child-Rearing Technique That Adds 20 IQ Points By Age 6 or you spend 6 months alone with no company.
 
2013-03-11 02:15:10 PM  

dustygrimp: I give one piece of advice to all the expecting fathers I meet.  The first 6ish months with a new baby are a living hell. They are all work, no reward.


Not true. The first six months certainly involved some work, but it didn't come close to being a living hell - and that was with me doing all the night-time nappy changes, and then plugging the kid into the charger if he needed a top-up.  It was immensely good fun and the rewards from the first hour of the first day on were and are - six years later - out of this world.

I give one piece of advice to expectant fathers, and it's the same as my best friend from school gave me. "Everybody will tell you how much work it is. Nobody will tell you how much fun it is. It's tremendous fun."
 
2013-03-11 02:16:47 PM  

SockMonkeyHolocaust: Which chapter is the chapter where you're told to never shut the hell up about your kid?


The exact same chapter exists in a pet owner manual as well, just replace "kid" with "cat".

/never talk about my children unless the conversation is about children
 
2013-03-11 02:21:08 PM  

orbister: dustygrimp: I give one piece of advice to all the expecting fathers I meet.  The first 6ish months with a new baby are a living hell. They are all work, no reward.

Not true. The first six months certainly involved some work, but it didn't come close to being a living hell - and that was with me doing all the night-time nappy changes, and then plugging the kid into the charger if he needed a top-up.  It was immensely good fun and the rewards from the first hour of the first day on were and are - six years later - out of this world.



Sheesh, dude. Leave the "your perception is wrong, mine is right" to the mothers.
 
2013-03-11 02:23:57 PM  

orbister: "Everybody will tell you how much work it is. Nobody will tell you how much fun it is. It's tremendous fun."


Yep!  The worst thing I think about raising a child is feeding them when they start to eat solid foods.  I don't know why, I just don't like feeding another person.

Other then that, it's a blast!
 
2013-03-11 02:52:40 PM  

busy chillin': orbister: dustygrimp: I give one piece of advice to all the expecting fathers I meet.  The first 6ish months with a new baby are a living hell. They are all work, no reward.

Not true. 


Sheesh, dude. Leave the "your perception is wrong, mine is right" to the mothers.


I was giving a counterexample, not claiming universal application. Think of it as "not necessarily true".

It pisses me off a bit when people expect children to be problems. Parents get this shiat all the time ... "Oh, isn't he a sweet baby, but wait till he's six months old" ... "Oh, isn't he a lovely six month old, but wait till he's two" ... "Oh, isn't he a cute two year old, but wait till he's four" and so on ad bloody nauseam.

I'm absolutely sure that a lot of it is simply luck, but expecting a child to be trouble is a very good way of amplifying any trouble the lady with the dice gives you.
 
2013-03-11 02:56:19 PM  

Burr: orbister: "Everybody will tell you how much work it is. Nobody will tell you how much fun it is. It's tremendous fun."

Yep!  The worst thing I think about raising a child is feeding them when they start to eat solid foods.  I don't know why, I just don't like feeding another person.


I don;t remember much about that stage. Probably because the kid was refuelled from the mothership until six months, so it wasn't too long before he could shove a spoon with most of its original contents into approximately the right hole. Can't believe that I boiled and puréed a sweet potato though. Even froze it in an ice cube tray, just like they advise. Threw the whole bloody lot (bar the first portion, of which he ate bugger all) away some months later when I looked in the freezer and thought "What the hell are those orange ice cubes?"
 
2013-03-11 03:42:45 PM  
H31N0US:
Wow that sucks. So far so good with mine at two and a half. She will get up and cry a little then march into our room some nights, but that's about it.

That's why our child stayed in a crib until she was 3. No way to crawl out and get into our room.
 
2013-03-11 04:01:50 PM  
"Lennox"?

That's not a name for a human being; it's an air conditioner.
 
2013-03-11 04:48:19 PM  

Pawprint: "Lennox"?

That's not a name for a human being; it's an air conditioner.


It's why she didn't add "Picking out a absolutely UNIQUE and PRETENTIOUS name" to her list of modern motherhood issues.
 
2013-03-11 05:16:08 PM  
My husband and I are planning to have a kid in the next year, so we've been borrowing friends' babies for overnight babysitting/practice. The two-week-old was the worst; poor little thing cried all night until we put some techno on the subwoofer for her (the plan was just to drown it out, but it actually put her right to sleep, so we burned her folks the CD,) and the three-month-old was absolutely precious until the diarrhea started...at which point we just moved the changing pad to right by the kitchen sink and used the sprayer-thingy to hose the little fellow off. Worked pretty darn well for the five-month-old with diaper rash, too.

There was a tense moment when the ten-month-old pooped bright green, but when husband admitted to feeding her a blue Slurpee to deal with the teething pain, that made perfect sense, and it turns out babies are just as wildly entertained by birds eating at the feeder through a window or fish in a tank as cats are, so we put part of the DVD budget toward birdseed and set the baby swing near the window the sparrows like. They also like Windows Media Player or WinAmp visualizations, so I've got a projector pointed at the ceiling above the crib and connected to an old WinXP desktop to keep Future Kid amused, like a geek baby mobile that won't whack you in the teeth when you go to check on 'em. We can also line up a webcam to keep an eye on kiddo when I'm working in the next room, should the need arise. And I've heard good things about cloth diapers as well as disposables. A Costco membership and some Velcro-butt baby covers ought to solve that problem.

See, I'm a tech-support geek and husband is an engineer. We have no idea what the appropriate tactics for baby maintenance are beyond vague memories of teenage babysitting and what our moms did with our siblings, but we're really good at guessing, and while it's evident from space that we'll do things that make 'real parents' go "You...but...that...wha-huh?" it does seem like we'll figure it out with or without advice. There's some element of instinct here, that and 'whatever works is cool.'

Also, why do the friends keep offering to pay us for use of the practice babies? Seems like all they ever do while we've got 'em is sleep.
 
2013-03-11 09:49:26 PM  

Primitive Screwhead: Lexx: Question, kind folk: is there a way to become a parent without basically signing up for 2+ years of sleep deprivation?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!



My beautiful little girl sleeps 4-5 hours for one night and then turns into a screaming angry hornet, sleeping in 1-2 hour shifts for the next three nights. Rinse. Repeat.
Mrs. Screwhead gets the worst of it since the short shifts also mean cluster-feeding.
/still very new to this parenting thing


Heh I like "screaming angry hornet" a very good description.

/hang in there bro
 
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