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(The Sun)   One way to make an international terrorist look less threatening is to replace his trademarked metal hook with a spork   (thesun.co.uk) divider line 107
    More: Obvious, Abu Hamza, Hamza, international terrorist, life imprisonments, prosthetic limbs  
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18679 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2013 at 10:41 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-11 09:38:45 AM  
This is the best thing I've read all morning. I love this
 
2013-03-11 10:39:21 AM  
His legal team are also demanding a  LAPTOP so he can work on his defence from jail.


Not just a laptop, but a LAPTOP?!


Meanwhile, prosecutors say they are only half-way through probing evidence against him.

They say they have to plough through 3,240 audio cassettes, 670 videos, 619 computer discs and 340 DVDs.

So, they're holding this guy and they haven't even figured out what to charge him with? In view of that, I think a laptop isn't unreasonable.

/of course, a  LAPTOP would be unreasonable.
 
2013-03-11 10:40:25 AM  
FTFA: His lawyers say he is unable to use toilets properly....

And the hook helped... how?
 
2013-03-11 10:41:37 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: FTFA: His lawyers say he is unable to use toilets properly....

And the hook helped... how?


Maybe he's got a piercing and could aim by hooking it?

/with the spork, it'll just splash everywhere.
 
2013-03-11 10:44:07 AM  
Forcing a prisoner to type on a laptop with a spork has got to be a violation of the Geneva Conventions.
 
2013-03-11 10:44:12 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: FTFA: His lawyers say he is unable to use toilets properly....

And the hook helped... how?


It's easier to get the ring that's attached to the cork
 
2013-03-11 10:46:23 AM  
Or we just find something to convict him of terrorism and a firing squad will solve all the problems.
 
2013-03-11 10:47:56 AM  
Plenty of peopl can use the restroom with one hand, is this guy's other hand so weak he can't accomplish that?

I'm not sure how reasonable it is that he's allowed any implement that could potentially be a weapon. Of course, it's also unreasonable to hold him indefinitely until you figure out what to charge him with.
 
2013-03-11 10:49:45 AM  
media.tumblr.com
 
2013-03-11 10:50:13 AM  
Jebus...  The Sun is just a mess these days, isn't it?
 
2013-03-11 10:50:52 AM  
What a  LATOP might look like:

www.worsetech.com

This right here though is about all we should afford this worthless turd:

serycoper.comxa.com
 
2013-03-11 10:50:56 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Forcing a prisoner to type on a laptop with a spork has got to be a violation of the Geneva Conventions.


Hah!
 
2013-03-11 10:51:10 AM  

timswar: Plenty of peopl can use the restroom with one hand, is this guy's other hand so weak he can't accomplish that?

I'm not sure how reasonable it is that he's allowed any implement that could potentially be a weapon. Of course, it's also unreasonable to hold him indefinitely until you figure out what to charge him with.


Maybe we should let him go, because, you know, land of the free and shiat.

Or why don't you take your terrorist-loving ass and move to Afghanistan, you goddamned appeaser.
 
2013-03-11 10:55:26 AM  

whateverblog.dallasnews.com


*Frowns on the Sun's shenanigans*




OR



blog.zap2it.com

*Dares you to try that with him, sugartits*
 
2013-03-11 10:55:28 AM  
Why a spoon, cousin?
 
2013-03-11 10:55:35 AM  
I thought I was reading the Onion. Hilarious.
 
2013-03-11 10:56:20 AM  

timswar: Plenty of peopl can use the restroom with one hand, is this guy's other hand so weak he can't accomplish that?

I'm not sure how reasonable it is that he's allowed any implement that could potentially be a weapon. Of course, it's also unreasonable to hold him indefinitely until you figure out what to charge him with.


He's Muslim.  It's against their religion to do anything else with the hand they wipe their ass with.
 
2013-03-11 10:57:26 AM  

SuperChuck: Why a spoon, cousin?


Because it's dull you twit, it'll hurt moar.
 
2013-03-11 11:01:22 AM  

Theaetetus: His legal team are also demanding a  LAPTOP so he can work on his defence from jail.


Not just a laptop, but a LAPTOP?!


Meanwhile, prosecutors say they are only half-way through probing evidence against him.

They say they have to plough through 3,240 audio cassettes, 670 videos, 619 computer discs and 340 DVDs.

So, they're holding this guy and they haven't even figured out what to charge him with? In view of that, I think a laptop isn't unreasonable.

/of course, a  LAPTOP would be unreasonable.


Somebody should get that guy a P-p-p-powerbook!
 
2013-03-11 11:03:01 AM  
I was distracted by the sidebar article about Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts... which to the best of my (admittedly slim) knowledge, she's never fully displayed on camera, so I don't really see the point of insuring them "for millions".

Am at work, so will not be doing any kind of research on that topic.

Sadly, the grumpy cat 'shops from the next thread are more entertaining than the films of hers that I can recall.
 
2013-03-11 11:03:48 AM  
My SPORK is tooo big

encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
 
2013-03-11 11:04:48 AM  
Prosecutors shouldn't have to wade through 3,000+ cassettes.

Three incriminating pieces of evidence should be enough for the right crime. The grand total can be tallied ex post mortem.
 
2013-03-11 11:04:50 AM  
SPORK!
 
2013-03-11 11:05:49 AM  
Why is this man alive?  Seriously.  You you think you are denying him pillow time with the 72 virgins he thinks he's going to get when he dies?  You must think he's going to get them, you are punishing him by not allowing him to proceed to his reward.  He can't possibly know anything of any intelligence value any more.  Take him to a nice comfortable cell, give him a vitamin hot of something that will put him to sleep forever, done.  Really, I'll do it for you if you don't have the courage, just give me the needle, it's no bother, really.
 
2013-03-11 11:05:51 AM  
A terrorist with "Bunny Eyes"
Things don't bode well for this piece of human waste.
 
2013-03-11 11:06:34 AM  

hdhale: just give me the needle


Fark you, Give me an enema bag full of boiling pig grease.

Let me show you how it's done.
 
xcv
2013-03-11 11:06:36 AM  

Theaetetus: MaudlinMutantMollusk: FTFA: His lawyers say he is unable to use toilets properly....

And the hook helped... how?

Maybe he's got a piercing and could aim by hooking it?

/with the spork, it'll just splash everywhere.


Just attach one of those jumbo-sized Krazy Straws to his prosthetic. The plastic is relatively harmless, he can use it for foods like soup and porridge and can even pee through the loops or the straw, his choice.

And it makes his brand of crazy appear more family-friendly.
 
2013-03-11 11:07:53 AM  
It's very frustrating for him. He finds it hard to eat, use the bathroom and even turn on the hot and cold taps."


Oh, that's too bad. You know what else is frustrating? Not growing up with parents because they were vaporized by nut job religious arseholes. Or sent overseas to fight nut job religious arseholes.

They should sharpen (point and edge) the hook and give it back to him without the toilet paper.
 
2013-03-11 11:08:40 AM  
What they should do is dress him in blue and put him in with the Bloods.
 
2013-03-11 11:10:25 AM  

timswar: Plenty of peopl can use the restroom with one hand, is this guy's other hand so weak he can't accomplish that?

I'm not sure how reasonable it is that he's allowed any implement that could potentially be a weapon. Of course, it's also unreasonable to hold him indefinitely until you figure out what to charge him with.


IIRC the guy's other hand was blown off in the same explosion which took righty and his eye.

I think he may only have used one hook however, because two hooks would look silly.
 
2013-03-11 11:12:41 AM  
A laptop? What is wrong with just a simple tablet requiring a 10 finger gesture to unlock?
 
2013-03-11 11:14:13 AM  
And why is he in NY and not Guantanamo?
 
2013-03-11 11:14:54 AM  

Theaetetus: So, they're holding this guy and they haven't even figured out what to charge him with?



Hey, this is America!

Once you're suspected of Terr-rism, it's over.

No charges, evidence trial or conviction necessary.

Why is this guy not worm food already?
 
2013-03-11 11:16:03 AM  

FullMetalPanda: timswar: Plenty of peopl can use the restroom with one hand, is this guy's other hand so weak he can't accomplish that?

I'm not sure how reasonable it is that he's allowed any implement that could potentially be a weapon. Of course, it's also unreasonable to hold him indefinitely until you figure out what to charge him with.

He's Muslim.  It's against their religion to do anything else with the hand they wipe their ass with.


So...he's perfectly able to go to the bathroom, turn the tap on and off, etc. with one hand.  He's just unwilling to.
 
2013-03-11 11:27:02 AM  
timswar: Plenty of peopl can use the restroom with one hand, is this guy's other hand so weak he can't accomplish that?

I'm not sure how reasonable it is that he's allowed any implement that could potentially be a weapon. Of course, it's also unreasonable to hold him indefinitely until you figure out what to charge him with.


The radical preacher, 54, is facing 11 terror charges in the US after finally being extradited from the UK last year.

Reading is fundamental.
 
2013-03-11 11:30:43 AM  
At least he can play Knifey-Spoony
www.moviefancentral.com
 
2013-03-11 11:33:18 AM  

FullMetalPanda: He's Muslim. It's against their religion to do anything else with the hand they wipe their ass with.


I've met people who actually believe this about Muslims.
 
2013-03-11 11:34:39 AM  

Jim from Saint Paul: [whateverblog.dallasnews.com image 300x225]
*Frowns on the Sun's shenanigans*



Came in looking just for that.
 
2013-03-11 11:35:43 AM  
Sheeeeeeeit... I'd rather go up against a hook than a spork.
 
2013-03-11 11:37:53 AM  
FTFA: Hamza, who lost his hand and an eye in an explosion in Afghanistan...


This is only half true. Yes, he lost his hand in the explosion. He lost his eye shortly after getting the hook fitted when he absentmindedly went to scratch an itch on his eyelid.

/here all week.
 
2013-03-11 11:39:55 AM  
Don't miss the jail gift shop
www.freedomsphoenix.com
 
2013-03-11 11:42:38 AM  

czetie: He lost his eye shortly after getting the hook fitted when he absentmindedly went to scratch an itch on his eyelid.


Where is the button? I want to downvote you "Disgusting/Don't want this thought."
 
2013-03-11 11:42:53 AM  

Vodka Zombie: FullMetalPanda: He's Muslim. It's against their religion to do anything else with the hand they wipe their ass with.

I've met people who actually believe this about Muslims.


Dude, look at how most of them eat.  With their hands.  Go wipe your ass then eat with the same hand then.
 
2013-03-11 11:45:57 AM  
kerinapharr.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-03-11 11:51:14 AM  

FullMetalPanda: Vodka Zombie: FullMetalPanda: He's Muslim. It's against their religion to do anything else with the hand they wipe their ass with.

I've met people who actually believe this about Muslims.

Dude, look at how most of them eat.  With their hands.  Go wipe your ass then eat with the same hand then.


I don't see why that would be a problem. But then, I actually wash my hands after I wipe my ass, i'm guessing you don't bother?
 
2013-03-11 11:51:41 AM  

FullMetalPanda: Vodka Zombie: FullMetalPanda: He's Muslim. It's against their religion to do anything else with the hand they wipe their ass with.

I've met people who actually believe this about Muslims.

Dude, look at how most of them eat.  With their hands.  Go wipe your ass then eat with the same hand then.


I know, right?  It's totally like McDonald's or Taco Bell or KFC or....

They're totes savages, man.  It's like they're not even human or anything.  We should find a scientist person and have them tested to see what their genetics say.  They could be, like, a whole new species or sumthin.

Really.  It's astounding how stupid people are in this country.
 
2013-03-11 11:52:52 AM  
I know when I think "hard time using the bathroom" the idea "hey, a spork would really help out with that," leaps to mind immediately. But then again, the hook would also seem to present certain difficulties. Maybe they should outfit him with a few seashells?
 
2013-03-11 11:54:01 AM  
I don't mean to sound superficial, but al Qaeda could really use a couple of image consultants on staff.  Why are these guys always so ugly?  There are plenty of good looking men in the Middle East, so there's no reason why these whackjobs have to look this revolting.
 
2013-03-11 11:56:16 AM  
Watch out, he'll spork your ass.
 
2013-03-11 11:57:15 AM  
I say fit his stub with a loaded gun that has a pressure plate at the muzzle for a trigger. Then cover his other hand with a large cast that immobilizes it. That way he has to scratch his balls and wipe his ass with a loaded gun that could go off with any false move.
 
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