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(Today)   Kids are going to find porn on the Internet somehow and someway, so why won't we talk about the birds and the bees at an earlier age?   (today.com) divider line 113
    More: Obvious, birds and the bees, internet, parental controls  
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4020 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2013 at 1:38 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-11 12:46:17 AM  
Because liberals want to turn my daughter into a slut
 
2013-03-11 12:58:39 AM  
Do parents do the birds and the bees talk anymore?

I never had 'the talk', I picked up the basics from back of the bus conversations with older kids, health class in school, watching scrambled Spice channel hoping tor a glimpse of a breast or more, and finally, yes, the internet, as delivered through first through Prodigy then AOL in full 14.4 kbps modem glory.  Back then the internet porn didn't do that much for me anyway - maybe I had poor Google-fu (well, it was pre-Google, so I guess it would have be Lycos-fu or AltaVista-fu) but all I could find were grainy gifs of professional porn stars wearing way too much makeup in contrived poses, it seemed more fake than arousing.

Of course, these days internet porn is 1000x better, and with kids getting phones that are basically mini-computers by the time they're in middle school, they certainly have more of a chance to view it without the parents knowing, but what would 'the talk' entail?  Is it mechanics, safe-sex information, morality, or a combination of all that and more?
 
2013-03-11 01:44:19 AM  
My parenting adventures started in 1987.  I've gone from telling the oldest daughter, "Don't you dare let me catch you looking for porn," to telling the youngest, "You can't unsee stuff."  The latter approach has worked much better (so far).
 
TWX
2013-03-11 01:45:28 AM  

TuteTibiImperes: Do parents do the birds and the bees talk anymore?

I never had 'the talk', I picked up the basics from back of the bus conversations with older kids, health class in school, watching scrambled Spice channel hoping tor a glimpse of a breast or more, and finally, yes, the internet, as delivered through first through Prodigy then AOL in full 14.4 kbps modem glory.  Back then the internet porn didn't do that much for me anyway - maybe I had poor Google-fu (well, it was pre-Google, so I guess it would have be Lycos-fu or AltaVista-fu) but all I could find were grainy gifs of professional porn stars wearing way too much makeup in contrived poses, it seemed more fake than arousing.

Of course, these days internet porn is 1000x better, and with kids getting phones that are basically mini-computers by the time they're in middle school, they certainly have more of a chance to view it without the parents knowing, but what would 'the talk' entail?  Is it mechanics, safe-sex information, morality, or a combination of all that and more?


You had a 14.4? I was downloading gifs at 2400 baud and trying to view them on an EGA monitor!

In all seriousness to the topic though, I suspect that people still want the dream, the hope that their child will have the fairy tale maturing and will learn with the person that they'll be with forever. The few that actually manage this are so few in number that they're almost not worth mentioning, yet that's the model that our society holds up as the correct one.
 
2013-03-11 01:47:05 AM  
 
2013-03-11 01:47:59 AM  
You don't have "the talk" you have Many many many little talks.

Starting at about 5 or 6, when they start bringing information home from school about sex and babies and mommies and daddies. (another big reason to not home school)

And then every year, probably multiple times a year.

Chastity isn't not having sex. Chastity is having the right sex with the right person for the right reasons. It's having an integrated sexual life that is line line with your core being.

Giving your kids the tools to evaluate that is the point of all these "talks" right? so they can get into the practice of sitting themselves down and asking themselves questions. Because while their immediate judgement might be shaky, their reflective behavior is generally miles ahead.

 It's not just to lock their sexuality up in some box until they turn 18 and then magically you just throw them out into the world. That's a recipe for disaster.
 
2013-03-11 01:48:13 AM  
My dad talked to my brother and I when I was 14 (baby bro was 12) at the urging of mom.

He said, and I quote, "Supposed to talk to you boys about the birds and the bees. I figure you already know about most of it anyway. So, I'm just gonna tell you this:

"Flies spread disease. I suggest you keep yours closed."
 
2013-03-11 01:49:57 AM  
Yes, and don't be surprised when they actually converse with you on the subject.  Embrace it, talk about it, but don't encourage it or make it dinner table conversation.  There is a certain etiquette about these things which also should be taught as much as the physical aspect.  Show some respect and dignity about it, for crying out loud!  Also teach them that love and sex are not the same thing!
 
2013-03-11 01:52:24 AM  
what would 'the talk' entail?  Is it mechanics, safe-sex information, morality, or a combination of all that and more?

I shudder to think what the conversation could be to prepare a young child for the horrors of 4chan.

But realistically - if they know enough to google the search terms then it's not going to be a huge surprise to them when they do find porn.

I remember when my daughter was about 7 and had her first laptop. I heard a lot of giggling while her friend was over and later that night found the search history was all "boobies" and "big willies".

We had a talk. This basically consisted of me mildly taking the piss and warning her that she wouldn't be allowed to use the laptop in her room any more because she and her friend had been looking at rude photos or something. She tried to deny it, but she couldn't get away with blaming it on her dad because of the lack of search terms like 'barely legal anal orgy'.

She's 16 now and surprisingly well behaved but I have the reputation as the 'cool' mum who 'doesn't freak out like the other mums' with her and her friends.
 
2013-03-11 01:52:28 AM  
Billy, I'm going to explain this subject with some educational hand puppets.

i182.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-11 01:53:42 AM  
Feel free to tell your kids about sex and how it works and how it makes a baby sometimes. Just don't fill their heads with all this crazy princess fairy tale shiat.
 
2013-03-11 01:54:41 AM  
We use faith-based porn firewalls in this house!
 
2013-03-11 01:54:49 AM  

DamnFool-Idiot: My dad talked to my brother and I when I was 14 (baby bro was 12) at the urging of mom.

He said, and I quote, "Supposed to talk to you boys about the birds and the bees. I figure you already know about most of it anyway. So, I'm just gonna tell you this:

"Flies spread disease. I suggest you keep yours closed."


My old man's talk consisted of, "Go slower and softer than you think you should, and don't be afraid to ask her for directions."

Many years later, I gave him the "don't stick your dick in crazy" talk... about my mom.

If I ever have kids, they will not turn out normal.
 
2013-03-11 01:57:12 AM  

HotWingAgenda: My old man's talk consisted of, "Go slower and softer than you think you should, and don't be afraid to ask her for directions."


That's probably the most useful talk any of us has received from a parent on the subject. Albeit vaguely uncomfortable coming from one's father.
 
2013-03-11 01:57:59 AM  
FTA "what happens when they go out to the neighbor's house"

Well, I'll tell you what happens (early 90s version). You end up finding magazines while you are playing hide and seek inside.

/First grade, I didn't care for it but the other boys were giggling at the naked girls.
 
2013-03-11 02:00:44 AM  

StashMonster: what would 'the talk' entail?  Is it mechanics, safe-sex information, morality, or a combination of all that and more?

I shudder to think what the conversation could be to prepare a young child for the horrors of 4chan.

But realistically - if they know enough to google the search terms then it's not going to be a huge surprise to them when they do find porn.

I remember when my daughter was about 7 and had her first laptop. I heard a lot of giggling while her friend was over and later that night found the search history was all "boobies" and "big willies".

We had a talk. This basically consisted of me mildly taking the piss and warning her that she wouldn't be allowed to use the laptop in her room any more because she and her friend had been looking at rude photos or something. She tried to deny it, but she couldn't get away with blaming it on her dad because of the lack of search terms like 'barely legal anal orgy'.

She's 16 now and surprisingly well behaved but I have the reputation as the 'cool' mum who 'doesn't freak out like the other mums' with her and her friends.


Stella....Stella...STELLA!!!!
 
2013-03-11 02:01:24 AM  
Dad; what do you want to do when you grow up?
Kid: Clean pools.
Dad: No way, pick another one.
Kid: Fix TV cables.
Dad: No.
Kid: Deliver Pizza.
Dad: What the ...?
Mom: He found your porn stash.
 
2013-03-11 02:01:30 AM  

Tenatra: FTA "what happens when they go out to the neighbor's house"

Well, I'll tell you what happens (early 90s version). You end up finding magazines while you are playing hide and seek inside.

/First grade, I didn't care for it but the other boys were giggling at the naked girls.


I would be tempted to intentionally hide some retro magazine from the years before waxing and shaving became common practice, just to scare them into not poking around in my stuff ever again.
 
2013-03-11 02:02:46 AM  
We could just arrange to marry girls at age 12 with a dowry and give them chicken's blood on their wedding nights with which to stain the sheets before the family arrived the following morning to visually confirm the nuptial bliss.
 
2013-03-11 02:04:05 AM  

StashMonster: We had a talk. This basically consisted of me mildly taking the piss


I would have been traumatized if my parents had pissed on my computer in retribution for looking up naughty pictures.
 
2013-03-11 02:05:27 AM  
Because it's awkward and uncomfortable and we're prudish cowards.
 
2013-03-11 02:07:38 AM  
As most of you know, there is a lot of sexually explicit material that is really not appropriate for kids and teens. Kids are going to be curious about sexuality, but most, if not nearly all, explicit porn does not represent a particularly healthy learning experience for sexual relations.
 
2013-03-11 02:09:00 AM  
Why not just show everything to kids from birth, and explain how things work as they begin to understand it? That's why my parents did, and it worked out fine.

Also they told Santa Claus was fake all the time, that also worked out fine.
 
2013-03-11 02:09:36 AM  

TuteTibiImperes: Do parents do the birds and the bees talk anymore?


http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2911#comic

Yes.
 
2013-03-11 02:10:10 AM  
A father recently sat down to have "the talk" with his 10-year-old son. After he got through the basics on the birds and the bees, the boy asked, "Why do men wear masks when they're having sex?"

Mexican style?
 
2013-03-11 02:11:45 AM  

ArkAngel: Because liberals want to turn my daughter into a slut


To be fair they do it to promote jobs. In Hollywood. Movie Producers and Actors really appreciate the legions of clueless midwestern sluts who think the only thing they want in life is to be famous.

But I would note that the exact same logic that Subby employs dictates that since we will all die of something someday we may as well off ourselves today.
 
2013-03-11 02:17:53 AM  
Explaining to your kids that difference between pornography and what goes on between consenting adults in real life is key, say some sex educators. You won't want to do it. Your kid won't want to hear it. And unfortunately, because of the Internet, that conversation has to come sooner rather than later.

I'm calling BS that your kids do not want to talk about sex, and the author of the article is taking a cop-out because she is uncomfortable discussing it.

As mentioned above, it is not "the talk", it is just one more subject you need to talk about with your kids and they should feel secure that they can ask you whatever, whenever, and be able to get a knowledgeable reply.

Otherwise, the same behaviour will most likely pass down the same hangups your parents passed down to you, just like they learned it.
 
2013-03-11 02:25:23 AM  
You know, the smart thing to do would be to make a site that's easy to find that answers the questions kids would have.  Just basic stuff like "most women do not enjoy gagging on penis or being choked" that kids are going to be curious about.  Something easy that you can tell parents about at a PTA meeting, or kids could find on their own to answer their own questions when they have them
 
2013-03-11 02:25:44 AM  

Oh_Enough_Already: How far away are we from when "40% of under 18's have seen porn online" becomes "40% of under 18's have made and shared porn online?"


If you consider naked pics to be porn and "online" to include texting; it's probably well over 40% already.
 
2013-03-11 02:27:26 AM  

DamnFool-Idiot: "Flies spread disease. I suggest you keep yours closed."


My mom asked me if I wanted to live in poverty as an adult.  When I replied no, she told me to keep my fly zipped to better my chances of avoiding such a life.

As for the article, I plan on telling my kids about sex and love when they're around age 5.  I figure if you bring it up as a serious subject at that point, they won't giggle or squirm like I'd expect them to a few years later.  And as rubi_con_man pointed out, you keep talking about it over the years.

Oh, and you discuss the appropriateness of talking about sex with others.  Don't want to end up with a kid like in Kindergarten Cop who goes around saying that boys have penises, girls have vaginas and teachers have tumors.
 
2013-03-11 02:29:20 AM  
I would approach the subject as if explaining how a car works. Sort of.

"What I mean is, son, is your body is like a machine. That you control with your mind. Sometimes. Because some parts seem to operate independently of your mind. OK, um ...

"OK, that thing you pee with. It does other stuff, too. Yeah, pretty weird. I don't know why we're designed that way. It seems like a specialty organ would have been better, but I wasn't consulted. Anyway. The peeing thing. It has, um, nerve endings in it that make you feel better. Especially when ..."

And we're off to the races.
 
2013-03-11 02:29:30 AM  
Bacause life is precious, and god, and the bible.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9AWIhOwlmo
 
2013-03-11 02:30:03 AM  

Mateorabi: TuteTibiImperes: Do parents do the birds and the bees talk anymore?

http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2911#comic

Yes.


related
 
2013-03-11 02:32:03 AM  

anotar: Explaining to your kids that difference between pornography and what goes on between consenting adults in real life is key, say some sex educators. You won't want to do it. Your kid won't want to hear it. And unfortunately, because of the Internet, that conversation has to come sooner rather than later.

I'm calling BS that your kids do not want to talk about sex, and the author of the article is taking a cop-out because she is uncomfortable discussing it.

As mentioned above, it is not "the talk", it is just one more subject you need to talk about with your kids and they should feel secure that they can ask you whatever, whenever, and be able to get a knowledgeable reply.

Otherwise, the same behaviour will most likely pass down the same hangups your parents passed down to you, just like they learned it.


Kids might not want to talk about sex with mom and dad. But they will want to talk about sex...
 
2013-03-11 02:33:31 AM  

staplermofo: You know, the smart thing to do would be to make a site that's easy to find that answers the questions kids would have.  Just basic stuff like "most women do not enjoy gagging on penis or being choked" that kids are going to be curious about.  Something easy that you can tell parents about at a PTA meeting, or kids could find on their own to answer their own questions when they have them


Find the Bertcast episode with Alison Rosen. She talks about her gynecologist scaring the hell out of her.
 
2013-03-11 02:39:55 AM  

jaylectricity: Bertcast


1:45:00

Jesus. cliff notes?
 
2013-03-11 02:41:24 AM  

Dinjiin: DamnFool-Idiot: "Flies spread disease. I suggest you keep yours closed."

My mom asked me if I wanted to live in poverty as an adult.  When I replied no, she told me to keep my fly zipped to better my chances of avoiding such a life.

As for the article, I plan on telling my kids about sex and love when they're around age 5.  I figure if you bring it up as a serious subject at that point, they won't giggle or squirm like I'd expect them to a few years later.  And as rubi_con_man pointed out, you keep talking about it over the years.

Oh, and you discuss the appropriateness of talking about sex with others.  Don't want to end up with a kid like in Kindergarten Cop who goes around saying that boys have penises, girls have vaginas and teachers have tumors.


Heh, you expect a 5 year old to keep his/her mouth shut? 5 and 6 year olds, as they get into elementary school, love to shock and one-up their friends. You'll be lucky if they remember to put on two shoes in the morning, much less not tell their friends about where their peepees go.

They do not have the capacity to understand the deeper meaning of sex and romantic love at that age.

While you're planning, you'd better also plan for "the call" from the other parents whose kids yours have corrupted.

Like someone said above, it's a series of smaller conversations. Mostly just talk to your kids a lot and this stuff will come up naturally.
 
2013-03-11 02:51:20 AM  
"Kids are going to find porn on the Internet anyway, so why don't we introduce them to double anal gangbang fisting when they're five years old? STOP TRYING TO SHELTER THEM YOU BIGOT"
 
2013-03-11 02:59:20 AM  
I was ten when our school district did the sanitized lecture on reproduction and basics of sex. I think I was about 14 when they started the more in-depth stuff (with a heavy dose of DARE to balance it out), and then they had a half year course senior year as well. I am incredibly grateful I lived in a district that took all of that seriously. Every time I read articles about sex-ed in schools, I find myself nodding and saying to myself yup that's the same stuff we were taught back in the 90s... but the media treats it like it's all new-fangled.
 
2013-03-11 02:59:56 AM  
FTA  "[...]what happens when they go out to the neighbor's house [...]"

Ever notice that in these types of articles it's never your house that these things happen at? It's a neighbor, a friend, a relative, a stranger, basically any house in the entire universe... except yours. WTF?

/now, did we or did we not do vaginal juices?
 
2013-03-11 03:09:51 AM  
I walked in on a sophomore class watching a Miracle of Birth movie with blood and screaming and gore everywhere.

Decided I didn't need any of that bullshiat and married the first girl I had sex with after high school.
 
2013-03-11 03:12:44 AM  

TWX: TuteTibiImperes: Do parents do the birds and the bees talk anymore?

I never had 'the talk', I picked up the basics from back of the bus conversations with older kids, health class in school, watching scrambled Spice channel hoping tor a glimpse of a breast or more, and finally, yes, the internet, as delivered through first through Prodigy then AOL in full 14.4 kbps modem glory.  Back then the internet porn didn't do that much for me anyway - maybe I had poor Google-fu (well, it was pre-Google, so I guess it would have be Lycos-fu or AltaVista-fu) but all I could find were grainy gifs of professional porn stars wearing way too much makeup in contrived poses, it seemed more fake than arousing.

Of course, these days internet porn is 1000x better, and with kids getting phones that are basically mini-computers by the time they're in middle school, they certainly have more of a chance to view it without the parents knowing, but what would 'the talk' entail?  Is it mechanics, safe-sex information, morality, or a combination of all that and more?

You had a 14.4? I was downloading gifs at 2400 baud and trying to view them on an EGA monitor!

In all seriousness to the topic though, I suspect that people still want the dream, the hope that their child will have the fairy tale maturing and will learn with the person that they'll be with forever. The few that actually manage this are so few in number that they're almost not worth mentioning, yet that's the model that our society holds up as the correct one.


Pikers, I remember when computer porn was ASCII art.
 
2013-03-11 03:16:47 AM  
Dinjiin:
Oh, and you discuss the appropriateness of talking about sex with others.  Don't want to end up with a kid like in Kindergarten Cop who goes around saying that boys have penises, girls have vaginas and teachers have tumors.

Not sure what the problem is with little children knowing that boys have penises and girls have vaginas. In fact, it would be weird if they didn't know that. So why does it bother anyone if they say it?
 
2013-03-11 03:17:15 AM  
You know what I got for Christmas the talk? Oh, it was a banner farking year at the old Bender fellow family. I got a carton of cigarettes condoms. The old man grabbed me and said, "Hey, smoke up wrap that shiat up goatboy." Alright?
 
2013-03-11 03:19:12 AM  

Harry_Seldon: As most of you know, there is a lot of sexually explicit material that is really not appropriate for kids and teens. Kids are going to be curious about sexuality, but most, if not nearly all, explicit porn does not represent a particularly healthy learning experience for sexual relations.


I've been watching people in real life.  It appears there isn't anything special about the internet vis healthy learning experience for sexual relations.

\Except plastic tits.
\\When I'm dictator a bunch of LA plastic surgeons are going to get one behind the ear.
\\\What kind of freak takes a nice looking girl and ruins her tits like that.
 
2013-03-11 03:20:09 AM  
I was 14 when my Dad's talk put me off for a few extra years:
"Have your pubes turned black yet?... <reaches into pants and yanks a tuft>... like this?"
"Don't worry if you have a small willy, it keeps growing until your early twenties."
"Girls are slimy down there. Yes they are."
 
2013-03-11 03:21:31 AM  
What I have learned (from Fark, at least) is that the boys will eventually find out from their English teachers.  Why bother worrying?  Leave it up to the school boards.  And cops.  There might be money in it for parents, too.

/Cue the Python
//Yes, that was intentional
///Slashies
 
2013-03-11 03:31:56 AM  

rubi_con_man: You don't have "the talk" you have Many many many little talks.

Starting at about 5 or 6, when they start bringing information home from school about sex and babies and mommies and daddies. (another big reason to not home school)

And then every year, probably multiple times a year.

Chastity isn't not having sex. Chastity is having the right sex with the right person for the right reasons. It's having an integrated sexual life that is line line with your core being.

Giving your kids the tools to evaluate that is the point of all these "talks" right? so they can get into the practice of sitting themselves down and asking themselves questions. Because while their immediate judgement might be shaky, their reflective behavior is generally miles ahead.

 It's not just to lock their sexuality up in some box until they turn 18 and then magically you just throw them out into the world. That's a recipe for disaster.


this this this and this.

very well put.
 
2013-03-11 03:34:54 AM  
Kindergarten Cop, 21st Century:

Girls get the penis,

Boys get the vagina.

Or, sometimes the girls get a couple of penises. And maybe a vagina too, or sometimes just vagina or several vaginas...

Boys also get two vaginas when they're lucky, and occasionally they get a penis with those or sometimes they just want the penis, but sometimes the boys will get several penises.

And it's not Lupus!
 
2013-03-11 03:51:19 AM  

wademh: In fact, it would be weird if they didn't know that. So why does it bother anyone if they say it?


Because as Charlie Freak pointed out, some parents will get upset if their child learns about sex-ed from their 5 year-old friend as opposed to themselves.  Doubly true if they're the kind of parents who would have waited till their kid was 16 before having the Talk.


Charlie Freak: They do not have the capacity to understand the deeper meaning of sex and romantic love at that age.


Never said that I was going to go into a college level discussion about it.  When the day comes, I'll try to gauge what the kid can understand and handle and revise as needed.
 
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