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(Dlisted)   73 yrs ago today, Chuck Norris delivered himself   (dlisted.com) divider line 52
    More: Hero, Chuck Norris, Paul Haggis, Canadian National Exhibition, The Wall, WHAM-O Inc., Dlisted, mark knopfler, Carrie Underwood  
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1624 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 10 Mar 2013 at 8:25 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-10 06:02:54 PM  
HAY GUIZE you hear about that new 'ALL YOUR BASE' thing?! HAHA its a bad translation toooooo funny!
 
2013-03-10 06:11:04 PM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-10 06:26:32 PM  
weak.
 
2013-03-10 06:45:41 PM  
When was he born again (as an asshole)?
 
2013-03-10 06:51:13 PM  
That's because his mother left two days before he was born...
 
2013-03-10 06:56:39 PM  

Lionel Mandrake: When was he born again (as an asshole)?


A bit after Bruce Lee was safely dead and he was assured that he wouldn't get his ass kicked by a guy half his size and a third his weight...
 
2013-03-10 07:05:07 PM  
Chuck Norris has done one good thing in his life, and it was accidental. His 2 scenes in Expendables 2 were some of the funniest stuff I've ever seen. "oh hi, I just happen to be on holiday here and killed everyone for you... *30 minutes later* oh hi, I'm coincidentally also at this airport, let me kill everyone for you". That and Arnie in the shoe made the film.
 
2013-03-10 07:29:23 PM  

hubiestubert: Lionel Mandrake: When was he born again (as an asshole)?


A bit after Bruce Lee was safely dead and he was assured that he wouldn't get his ass kicked by a guy half his size and a third his weight...

www.awesomeoff.com

Oh, Snap.


 
2013-03-10 08:20:19 PM  
And he turned into a batshiat insane theocratic idiot a few years ago!

Why is he still relevant today, except on infomercials selling bowflex at 3 AM?
 
2013-03-10 08:24:23 PM  
Came for the unhinged, apoplectic spittle-ejecting raving about Norris' unmitigated gall to be a religious political conservative; leaving unsurprised.
 
2013-03-10 08:27:36 PM  
Who the fark cares?  Put up the Walking Dead discussion thread already.
 
2013-03-10 08:31:11 PM  
Chuck Norris is such a big asshole that toilet paper is magnetically attracted to him.
 
2013-03-10 08:33:29 PM  
Chuck Norris isn't gay, he just ran out of women.
 
2013-03-10 08:36:54 PM  

Slaxl: Expendables 2


And playing Bruce Lee's punching bag.

/snuck in the theatre
 
2013-03-10 08:40:54 PM  
ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF DARKNESS
 
2013-03-10 08:48:27 PM  

Nina_Hartley's_Ass: Slaxl: Expendables 2

And playing Bruce Lee's punching bag.


And getting upstaged by a kitty
 
2013-03-10 08:54:11 PM  

Sensei Can You See: Came for the unhinged, apoplectic spittle-ejecting raving about Norris' unmitigated gall to be a religious political conservative; leaving unsurprised.


Well, you know, conservatives are deserving of ridicule.

As a bonus, they get really bent out of shape about it, too, which makes it even more fun.
 
2013-03-10 08:57:12 PM  

Sensei Can You See: Came for the unhinged, apoplectic spittle-ejecting raving about Norris' unmitigated gall to be a religious political conservative; leaving unsurprised.


Superstitious nuts are always good for a laugh.

//"A thousand years of darkness..." ...good stuff...
 
2013-03-10 09:00:08 PM  
You know, if you (in your mind) change "Vin Diesel facts" to "Chuck NOrris Facts" it's quite humorous. Just read the Vin Diesel Facts website but in your mind change every instance of Vin Diesel to Chuck Norris! HTH.
 
2013-03-10 09:09:25 PM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com

I wish i was brave enough to put a cat on my head when i'm 73.
 
2013-03-10 09:14:59 PM  

realmolo: Well, you know, conservatives are deserving of ridicule.

IntertubeUser: Superstitious nuts are always good for a laugh.


Always amusing to see just how badly an actor who hasn't been relevant for 30 years just yanks you idiots out of your tree so bad. Almost as if you were just a bunch of thin skinned pussies, hypersensitive, and with pitifully low self-esteem. Hormonal teenage atheists being hormonal teenage atheists.
 
2013-03-10 09:31:40 PM  

hubiestubert: Lionel Mandrake: When was he born again (as an asshole)?

A bit after Bruce Lee was safely dead and he was assured that he wouldn't get his ass kicked by a guy half his size and a third his weight...


Right.
I will take him on again, just to prove that.

No ass kicking like a well deserved one.

Norris is a prick.
 
2013-03-10 09:38:03 PM  
Crappy birfersday to you, you traitor.
 
2013-03-10 09:44:45 PM  

WhoopAssWayne: realmolo: Well, you know, conservatives are deserving of ridicule.
IntertubeUser: Superstitious nuts are always good for a laugh.

Always amusing to see just how badly an actor who hasn't been relevant for 30 years just yanks you idiots out of your tree so bad. Almost as if you were just a bunch of thin skinned pussies, hypersensitive, and with pitifully low self-esteem. Hormonal teenage atheists being hormonal teenage atheists.


THIS.
 
2013-03-10 09:55:18 PM  

WhoopAssWayne: realmolo: Well, you know, conservatives are deserving of ridicule.
IntertubeUser: Superstitious nuts are always good for a laugh.

Always amusing to see just how badly an actor who hasn't been relevant for 30 years just yanks you idiots out of your tree so bad. Almost as if you were just a bunch of thin skinned pussies, hypersensitive, and with pitifully low self-esteem. Hormonal teenage atheists being hormonal teenage atheists.


Except that he is held up by the brainwashed conservitards and paraded around on Faux News and seems to be held in a certain amount of esteem by "morans!" .  Those "morans!" go out and vote for other ignorant anti-reason and anti-science types, and we have to live by the laws they craft.

A little indignation regarding the American version of the Taliban is a good thing.
 
2013-03-10 10:12:11 PM  
Roughly 10 hot babes were born today and all you Farkers want to talk about is a washed-up karate kid.  We could have flooded this thread with pics of Sharon Stone in her 30s or  Olivia Wilde in her teens.
 
2013-03-10 10:17:07 PM  
Chuck Norris is Republican Jesus.
 
2013-03-10 10:24:09 PM  
Hey, Internet! Thanks again for giving this mediocre, aging dickbag a whole new platform on which to spew his bile and hatred and ACTUALLY get heard!

/GOOD JOB, IDIOTS!
 
2013-03-10 10:33:28 PM  

IntertubeUser: WhoopAssWayne: realmolo: Well, you know, conservatives are deserving of ridicule.
IntertubeUser: Superstitious nuts are always good for a laugh.

Always amusing to see just how badly an actor who hasn't been relevant for 30 years just yanks you idiots out of your tree so bad. Almost as if you were just a bunch of thin skinned pussies, hypersensitive, and with pitifully low self-esteem. Hormonal teenage atheists being hormonal teenage atheists.

Except that he is held up by the brainwashed conservitards and paraded around on Faux News and seems to be held in a certain amount of esteem by "morans!" .  Those "morans!" go out and vote for other ignorant anti-reason and anti-science types, and we have to live by the laws they craft.

A little indignation regarding the American version of the Taliban is a good thing.


Kinda of an insult to the actual Taliban.
 
2013-03-10 10:37:12 PM  

Slaxl: Chuck Norris has done one good thing in his life, and it was accidental. His 2 scenes in Expendables 2 were some of the funniest stuff I've ever seen. "oh hi, I just happen to be on holiday here and killed everyone for you... *30 minutes later* oh hi, I'm coincidentally also at this airport, let me kill everyone for you". That and Arnie in the shoe made the film.


You know, I knew that movie wasn't going to take itself overly seriously, but Norris just sent it off into the land of Scary Movie.  Total self-parody.  I hate that jackhole, but I have to admit I laughed.  I just wonder if he realizes the scene wasn't serious.
 
2013-03-10 10:39:31 PM  

zerkalo: ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF DARKNESS


May the crazy, self-righteous bastard live to see every one of them.
 
2013-03-10 10:40:43 PM  
Chuck Norris didn't vote for Mitt Romney... Mitt Romney voted for Chuck Norris.
 
2013-03-10 10:43:21 PM  

Gunderson: Chuck Norris isn't gay, he just ran out of women.


Oh, come on, your mom is not the only woman of the world.
 
2013-03-10 11:04:27 PM  

realmolo: Sensei Can You See: Came for the unhinged, apoplectic spittle-ejecting raving about Norris' unmitigated gall to be a religious political conservative; leaving unsurprised.

Well, you know, conservatives are deserving of ridicule.

As a bonus, they get really bent out of shape about it, too, which makes it even more fun.


As opposed to moonbat liberals....who don't deserve ridicule....oh wait....yes they do.
 
2013-03-10 11:09:14 PM  

WhoopAssWayne: realmolo: Well, you know, conservatives are deserving of ridicule.
IntertubeUser: Superstitious nuts are always good for a laugh.

Always amusing to see just how badly an actor who hasn't been relevant for 30 years just yanks you idiots out of your tree so bad. Almost as if you were just a bunch of thin skinned pussies, hypersensitive, and with pitifully low self-esteem. Hormonal teenage atheists being hormonal teenage atheists.


OBAMA'S COMING TO TAKE YER GUNS. BETTER GO TO WALMART AND BUY 1000000000000000000 ROUNDS
 
2013-03-10 11:21:47 PM  

quatchi: hubiestubert: Lionel Mandrake: When was he born again (as an asshole)?

A bit after Bruce Lee was safely dead and he was assured that he wouldn't get his ass kicked by a guy half his size and a third his weight...

[www.awesomeoff.com image 400x300]

Oh, Snap.


You do realize that was a movie, right? And that Bruce Lee never really fought professionally, right? And that Chuck Norris did, right?

Norris would clean his clock.
 
2013-03-10 11:32:42 PM  
Chuck Norris is a crazy whackadoodle.  However, he was responsible, along with Bruce Lee, for fueling my interest in martial arts.
 
2013-03-10 11:38:01 PM  

chewielouie: Norris would clean his clock.


i41.tinypic.com
 
2013-03-11 12:36:59 AM  

chewielouie: quatchi: hubiestubert: Lionel Mandrake: When was he born again (as an asshole)?

A bit after Bruce Lee was safely dead and he was assured that he wouldn't get his ass kicked by a guy half his size and a third his weight...

[www.awesomeoff.com image 400x300]

Oh, Snap.

You do realize that was a movie, right? And that Bruce Lee never really fought professionally, right? And that Chuck Norris did, right?

Norris would clean his clock.


You do realize that Bruce actually fought his way through Hong Kong, in street fights? Not formal bouts. And the scene in question had to be edited and reshot, because Chuck Norris DID get his ass kicked in that scene, because he decided to put the leading man in his place, and had to learn the hard way why Bruce was starring, and Chuck was a nameless heavy...

Chuck is a skilled guy, no question. Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren are both skilled guys too--they both fought professionally, though, to be fair, Dolph impresses me if only because he has that pesky Masters in chemical engineering, and was on his way to MIT, working as a bouncer. That impresses me a bit more, than Chuck's career--he's a self promoter, and he has done a lot of bad film in his day, but the meme of Chuck is a bit less stellar than the actual.
 
2013-03-11 12:53:48 AM  

hubiestubert: chewielouie: quatchi: hubiestubert: Lionel Mandrake: When was he born again (as an asshole)?

A bit after Bruce Lee was safely dead and he was assured that he wouldn't get his ass kicked by a guy half his size and a third his weight...

[www.awesomeoff.com image 400x300]

Oh, Snap.

You do realize that was a movie, right? And that Bruce Lee never really fought professionally, right? And that Chuck Norris did, right?

Norris would clean his clock.

You do realize that Bruce actually fought his way through Hong Kong, in street fights? Not formal bouts. And the scene in question had to be edited and reshot, because Chuck Norris DID get his ass kicked in that scene, because he decided to put the leading man in his place, and had to learn the hard way why Bruce was starring, and Chuck was a nameless heavy...

Chuck is a skilled guy, no question. Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren are both skilled guys too--they both fought professionally, though, to be fair, Dolph impresses me if only because he has that pesky Masters in chemical engineering, and was on his way to MIT, working as a bouncer. That impresses me a bit more, than Chuck's career--he's a self promoter, and he has done a lot of bad film in his day, but the meme of Chuck is a bit less stellar than the actual.


There is a certain cognitive dissonance at work here. A lot of middle-class, sheltered males make the error of confusing combat sports (such as Norris used to participate in) with "fighting". They aren't the same thing. Combat sports have rules, and a referee to stop you getting really hurt if you lose. Fighting is an entirely different thing, and takes place in grabby barrooms, mean streets, and dark alleys.
The guys who are good at combat sports  are not "fighters" - they are athletes. And very few of them would last ten seconds with any kind of real street fighter. And Norris is even less of an exception than most.
 
2013-03-11 12:59:13 AM  

chewielouie: quatchi: hubiestubert: Lionel Mandrake: When was he born again (as an asshole)?

A bit after Bruce Lee was safely dead and he was assured that he wouldn't get his ass kicked by a guy half his size and a third his weight...

[www.awesomeoff.com image 400x300]

Oh, Snap.

You do realize that was a movie, right? And that Bruce Lee never really fought professionally, right? And that Chuck Norris did, right?

Norris would clean his clock.



You do realise that Bruce Lee actually gave martial arts training to Chuck, right?

ANd remember, Chuck was a respected Karate champ at the time. But was persuaded by the favourable opinions of Norris's peers like Joe Lewis and Mike Stone that Bruce was the real deal. No mean feat given the ego of these Western-sized hardmen going to a little Chinesde guy for tuition.

It's been rumoured that Norris was left 'red faced' after a particular sparring session with Lee.
 
2013-03-11 01:46:25 AM  

chewielouie: quatchi: hubiestubert: Lionel Mandrake: When was he born again (as an asshole)?

A bit after Bruce Lee was safely dead and he was assured that he wouldn't get his ass kicked by a guy half his size and a third his weight...

[www.awesomeoff.com image 400x300]

Oh, Snap.

You do realize that was a movie, right? And that Bruce Lee never really fought professionally, right? And that Chuck Norris did, right?

Norris would clean his clock.


aw, i'd kick both their asses, *takes another swig*
 
2013-03-11 02:08:12 AM  

weirdneighbour: aw, i'd kick both their asses, *takes another swig*



I LOL'd/
 
2013-03-11 06:18:08 AM  
i.qkme.me
 
2013-03-11 07:51:38 AM  
chewielouie: quatchi: hubiestubert: Lionel Mandrake: When was he born again (as an asshole)?

A bit after Bruce Lee was safely dead and he was assured that he wouldn't get his ass kicked by a guy half his size and a third his weight...

[www.awesomeoff.com image 400x300]

Oh, Snap.

You do realize that was a movie, right? And that Bruce Lee never really fought professionally, right? And that Chuck Norris did, right?

Norris would clean his clock.

aw, i'd kick both their asses, *takes another swig*


(raises glass)
To Bill Brasky!
 
2013-03-11 09:13:25 AM  

GungFu: chewielouie: quatchi: hubiestubert: Lionel Mandrake: When was he born again (as an asshole)?

A bit after Bruce Lee was safely dead and he was assured that he wouldn't get his ass kicked by a guy half his size and a third his weight...

[www.awesomeoff.com image 400x300]

Oh, Snap.

You do realize that was a movie, right? And that Bruce Lee never really fought professionally, right? And that Chuck Norris did, right?

Norris would clean his clock.


You do realise that Bruce Lee actually gave martial arts training to Chuck, right?

ANd remember, Chuck was a respected Karate champ at the time. But was persuaded by the favourable opinions of Norris's peers like Joe Lewis and Mike Stone that Bruce was the real deal. No mean feat given the ego of these Western-sized hardmen going to a little Chinesde guy for tuition.

It's been rumoured that Norris was left 'red faced' after a particular sparring session with Lee.


It's also pretty well known that the director of that film had to spend a lot of time keeping the two of them from sparring with each other, lest they seriously injure themselves.

The guy may be a collossal idiot as far as politics and religion go, but holding "8th Degree Black Belt Grand Master" of Tae Kwon Do, a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and creating Chun Kuk Do probably puts him pretty significantly into being one hell of a badass.  He's also in damn fine shape for a dude in his 70's.  He'd probably be able to beat the ass of most any person half his age.

Also, he's quite well known for charitable contributions to all sorts of different charities.
 
2013-03-11 09:32:04 AM  
Did he move to Canada yet?
 
2013-03-11 10:05:06 AM  

jso2897: hubiestubert: chewielouie: quatchi: hubiestubert: Lionel Mandrake: When was he born again (as an asshole)?

A bit after Bruce Lee was safely dead and he was assured that he wouldn't get his ass kicked by a guy half his size and a third his weight...

[www.awesomeoff.com image 400x300]

Oh, Snap.

You do realize that was a movie, right? And that Bruce Lee never really fought professionally, right? And that Chuck Norris did, right?

Norris would clean his clock.

You do realize that Bruce actually fought his way through Hong Kong, in street fights? Not formal bouts. And the scene in question had to be edited and reshot, because Chuck Norris DID get his ass kicked in that scene, because he decided to put the leading man in his place, and had to learn the hard way why Bruce was starring, and Chuck was a nameless heavy...

Chuck is a skilled guy, no question. Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren are both skilled guys too--they both fought professionally, though, to be fair, Dolph impresses me if only because he has that pesky Masters in chemical engineering, and was on his way to MIT, working as a bouncer. That impresses me a bit more, than Chuck's career--he's a self promoter, and he has done a lot of bad film in his day, but the meme of Chuck is a bit less stellar than the actual.

There is a certain cognitive dissonance at work here. A lot of middle-class, sheltered males make the error of confusing combat sports (such as Norris used to participate in) with "fighting". They aren't the same thing. Combat sports have rules, and a referee to stop you getting really hurt if you lose. Fighting is an entirely different thing, and takes place in grabby barrooms, mean streets, and dark alleys.
The guys who are good at combat sports  are not "fighters" - they are athletes. And very few of them would last ten seconds with any kind of real street fighter. And Norris is even less of an exception than most.


That must be why Kimbo Slice ate the competition in the MMA....oh wait...
 
2013-03-11 10:47:52 AM  

Luminaro: jso2897: hubiestubert: chewielouie: quatchi: hubiestubert: Lionel Mandrake: When was he born again (as an asshole)?

A bit after Bruce Lee was safely dead and he was assured that he wouldn't get his ass kicked by a guy half his size and a third his weight...

[www.awesomeoff.com image 400x300]

Oh, Snap.

You do realize that was a movie, right? And that Bruce Lee never really fought professionally, right? And that Chuck Norris did, right?

Norris would clean his clock.

You do realize that Bruce actually fought his way through Hong Kong, in street fights? Not formal bouts. And the scene in question had to be edited and reshot, because Chuck Norris DID get his ass kicked in that scene, because he decided to put the leading man in his place, and had to learn the hard way why Bruce was starring, and Chuck was a nameless heavy...

Chuck is a skilled guy, no question. Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren are both skilled guys too--they both fought professionally, though, to be fair, Dolph impresses me if only because he has that pesky Masters in chemical engineering, and was on his way to MIT, working as a bouncer. That impresses me a bit more, than Chuck's career--he's a self promoter, and he has done a lot of bad film in his day, but the meme of Chuck is a bit less stellar than the actual.

There is a certain cognitive dissonance at work here. A lot of middle-class, sheltered males make the error of confusing combat sports (such as Norris used to participate in) with "fighting". They aren't the same thing. Combat sports have rules, and a referee to stop you getting really hurt if you lose. Fighting is an entirely different thing, and takes place in grabby barrooms, mean streets, and dark alleys.
The guys who are good at combat sports  are not "fighters" - they are athletes. And very few of them would last ten seconds with any kind of real street fighter. And Norris is even less of an exception than most.

That must be why Kimbo Slice ate the competition in the MMA....oh wait.. ...


I did not say that a street fighter would fare any better in the athletic arena - indeed, they do not. One thing is fighting, and fighters are good at it - the other is sport, and athletes are good at it. Thank you for helping me make my point.
 
2013-03-11 11:07:23 AM  

SockMonkeyHolocaust: You know, if you (in your mind) change "Vin Diesel facts" to "Chuck NOrris Facts" it's quite humorous. Just read the Vin Diesel Facts website but in your mind change every instance of Vin Diesel to Chuck Norris! HTH.


When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe and instead asks for a handgun and a bucket.
 
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