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(Daily Dot)   If you wind up in the hospital with a vibrator stuck in your ass, you might as well livetweet it   (dailydot.com) divider line 47
    More: Dumbass, TMI  
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18495 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Mar 2013 at 1:39 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-03-08 01:41:08 PM
7 votes:
VIBRATOR IS COMING OUT
2013-03-08 01:48:46 PM
5 votes:
notice how he didn't say "my vibrator" but rather "a" vibrator.  like it was just one of those things that happens from time to time, and it's annoying but you just to deal with it.
2013-03-08 01:57:32 PM
4 votes:
Would a nice big fart help in a situation like this?
2013-03-08 01:51:53 PM
4 votes:
This article needs a Numbass tag.
2013-03-08 01:51:01 PM
4 votes:
Things that make you say "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm"
2013-03-08 01:46:25 PM
4 votes:
so very scared?
2013-03-08 01:41:47 PM
4 votes:
If you went camping on the side of the road and woke up with a condom in your ass, would you tell anyone?

No...

Wanna go camping?
2013-03-08 01:45:02 PM
3 votes:
It's pretty common so the guy shouldn't have felt too strange..I've told some here before about my wife's exploits at the hospital she works at. She's in pathology, so she sees everything that comes out of ones body.

At least once a month she gets a container that says "foreign body, rectum"...sometimes the container is vibrating.

Sometimes it's a homemade device, like a piece of steel with a string attached and the string breaks. Sometimes, it's even more odd...like a pair of salad tongs.

And it's NEVER a woman getting it removed
2013-03-08 05:02:59 PM
2 votes:

yoursafewordisharder: CSB time...  [snip]

/Best part, the next morning it was gone.


I really didn't want to split up the pair.
2013-03-08 04:01:40 PM
2 votes:
A friend's mom was an ER nurse in Arizona. She says two gentlemen succeeded in inserting one man's foot into the other man, but were unable to remove said foot; so they took a taxi to the ER.

Mostly, she remembers the confusion on the face of the taxi driver. English was not his first language, and he could not understand why two Americans would do such a thing.

My 3rd CSB this week :)
2013-03-08 03:41:06 PM
2 votes:

AgentKGB: ChipNASA: Not.Gay.At.All. I.Slipped. Totally.  One.In.A.Million.Shot.Doc, I.Tell.Ya.

CSB: One of my sisters is a paramedic.  Her first week on the job they were called to a house because a guy had a barbie doll stuck up his butt. He swore up and down that he fell on it. Two weeks later they got another call to the same house. You know those big Maglite flashlights? Yeah, he "fell on it".


i21.photobucket.com
2013-03-08 03:03:50 PM
2 votes:
Heard about a guy admitted to an ER with a dildo up his ass.
After a thorough examination, the doc leaned over and asked "Did you want it removed or shall I just change the batteries?"
2013-03-08 02:38:44 PM
2 votes:
If sticking a vibrating dildo up my ass so far that I have to go to the hospital to have it removed is wrong, then I don't want to be right.
2013-03-08 02:38:02 PM
2 votes:
note to self

don't gis
1 guy one jar
at work
ever
ever again
2013-03-08 02:25:20 PM
2 votes:
Goddamn GIS-fail... preview is my friend

Loomy:Plus, any number of condiment bottles have similar-ish profiles. They even make some that appear specifically designed for this type of task:

www.thebestjuicerreviews.com

/Tell me that's not dildoesque
2013-03-08 02:10:38 PM
2 votes:
As a wise man once said, "No one should ever have any object placed inside their asshole that is larger than a fist and less loving than a dildo, okay?"

www.freedomsphoenix.com
2013-03-08 02:07:25 PM
2 votes:
toolvinyl.com
2013-03-08 01:59:07 PM
2 votes:
I'm sure if you did something that asinine and came to my local hospital they'd add insult to injury and tell you to take a seat and wait your turn.
2013-03-08 01:59:01 PM
2 votes:
Pretty dumb of him, if he had posted it live on Fark, I bet he could have gotten a submission credit.
2013-03-08 01:44:56 PM
2 votes:
Here's the cyanide pill... You want to take it now, or wait until you get home?
2013-03-08 01:44:26 PM
2 votes:
Dear Abby: Is it gay when my girl dildoes me in the ass?
2013-03-08 09:36:11 PM
1 votes:

Guuberre: AgentKGB: ChipNASA: Not.Gay.At.All. I.Slipped. Totally.  One.In.A.Million.Shot.Doc, I.Tell.Ya.

CSB: One of my sisters is a paramedic.  Her first week on the job they were called to a house because a guy had a barbie doll stuck up his butt. He swore up and down that he fell on it. Two weeks later they got another call to the same house. You know those big Maglite flashlights? Yeah, he "fell on it".

[i21.photobucket.com image 480x361]


EEst next!

Evening vare!!!

Verrrry nice....
2013-03-08 06:03:24 PM
1 votes:

yoursafewordisharder: CSB time...

I used to work in downtown Boston many years ago. One day, the guy taking trash out to the dumpster in the alley comes up to me absolutely green in the face, telling me I have to see something disgusting in the alley. He wanted to share the experience I suppose. We go there and there, on the ground, is a men's athletic sock, filled up with sand but spilling out the top, wrapped in a condom and covered in what looked like lube, blood and feces.

It took the better part of the day to stop vomiting in my mouth at the memory. Still feel ill writing this down, in fact.

/Best part, the next morning it was gone.


I did not need to read that
2013-03-08 04:50:55 PM
1 votes:

The Irresponsible Captain: They make butt plugs. With stoppers on the end.

You know, so they don't go in the whole way.

/Right tool for the job, as it were.


I guess when you ass feels like a nail, every tool is a hammer. Or something like that. Hey, I'll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it?
2013-03-08 04:30:08 PM
1 votes:

namegoeshere: MOGGEE: Shadow Blasko: MOGGEE: //Boobies was sposed to say "Boobies"

You mean your first post was supposed to say In my first post?

yes

How u post magic werds how??



encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com

//holy werds
2013-03-08 04:01:09 PM
1 votes:
www.ledzeppelinguitar.com
2013-03-08 03:41:32 PM
1 votes:

Shadow Blasko: MOGGEE: //Boobies was sposed to say "Boobies"

You mean your first post was supposed to say In my first post?


yes
2013-03-08 03:38:32 PM
1 votes:
I worked at a hospital in SLC '92. Around Valentine's Day, a kid came in with one up the chute. That wasn't the major problem, his big issue was it'd been there for 3-4 days, and this young genius figured all he'd need was a laxative. After four bottles, he started having bad problems and his mom and aunt brought him in. I learned that the extraction wasn't an issue, but the massive OD of Milk of Magnesia landed him in the ICU for awhile.

A week later, an older guy came in with a similar problem, one of those teardrop-shaped light bulbs and it broke. He had to have colostomy bag installed while his butthole healed. One of the nurses I knew told me it happened at least once a month, with little uptick around major holidays. And almost every one of them swore they'd slipped and fell on a shampoo bottle/bulb/dildo/doll/hairbrush handle/etc.

It didn't help that the staff's collective emotional empathy was somewhere between 12 year old boy and Caligula. The doctors would openly discuss things like this in the halls, and the ER nurses had a pool on how many came in on a given month or holiday.
2013-03-08 03:35:23 PM
1 votes:

Magorn: Remember kids, just like with boar-spears, the cross-piece on a butt plug is there for a very important reason


Best analogy ever.
2013-03-08 02:40:21 PM
1 votes:

publikenemy: And it's NEVER a woman getting it removed


The prostate knows no limits to how it likes to be stimulated.
2013-03-08 02:31:53 PM
1 votes:
Lucidz
MadameX:

Not as painful as the guy that came into our ER after inserting a light bulb in his butt and it BROKE.

Not calling you a liar, but that sounds like an urban legend..



Some kinds of bulb make that story waaay more likely than others
i.imgur.comi.imgur.com
2013-03-08 02:29:38 PM
1 votes:
Maybe he just ate it and is having trouble passing it.
2013-03-08 02:27:20 PM
1 votes:

DreamSnipers: Pretty dumb of him, if he had posted it live on Fark, I bet he could have gotten a submission credit.


Not to mention 36 months' worth of TF offers and a hundred instances of BIE/WIE.
2013-03-08 02:25:27 PM
1 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-03-08 02:04:50 PM
1 votes:
That's the best ad for energizer I ever saw.
2013-03-08 02:02:30 PM
1 votes:
Did you guys see the comments on that page?

"There must be a lawsuit in here somewhere"

I didn't want to register to ask... But is this idiot for real??
2013-03-08 02:02:22 PM
1 votes:
Did they put it in a bag so he could take it back home?
2013-03-08 01:59:58 PM
1 votes:
My god I gotta find and post the pic wifey showed me of the 5lb solid steel coke can sized device with coned ends and a loop to tie a rope to that came outta some poor bastard.

Rope broke of course

It was quite the surgery to remove it..


But HOW THE FARK did he get it up there that far!?
2013-03-08 01:58:49 PM
1 votes:
I just read this story to my GF right now. Maybe if I wasn't lol'g so hard I would've realized that she was, at that moment, stuffing a chicken with apple and onion.

Can't wait for dinner.
2013-03-08 01:58:00 PM
1 votes:

Anderson's Pooper: My ex worked in a hospital lab on third shift.  The stories she had were amazing.  For instance, sometimes the tempered glass on the coffee table doesn't hold the weight of the suction cupped dildo and the user.  I suspect that was a very painful ER trip.


Which is why you use masonry bolts and a concrete wall.

...So I've heard
2013-03-08 01:57:35 PM
1 votes:
Apparently it was no big deal...
2013-03-08 01:52:13 PM
1 votes:

namegoeshere: You people who like to stick things up your bottoms: Don't you think to tie a string to the end of it so you can fetch it back out again?


... I read that as "so you can felch it out again", and got an entirely different image in my head than you were going for.


publikenemy: It's pretty common so the guy shouldn't have felt too strange..I've told some here before about my wife's exploits at the hospital she works at. She's in pathology, so she sees everything that comes out of ones body.

At least once a month she gets a container that says "foreign body, rectum"...sometimes the container is vibrating.

Sometimes it's a homemade device, like a piece of steel with a string attached and the string breaks. Sometimes, it's even more odd...like a pair of salad tongs.

And it's NEVER a woman getting it removed


So, guys like stuff in their asses, too, but don't want to admit it?
2013-03-08 01:51:25 PM
1 votes:
My ex worked in a hospital lab on third shift.  The stories she had were amazing.  For instance, sometimes the tempered glass on the coffee table doesn't hold the weight of the suction cupped dildo and the user.  I suspect that was a very painful ER trip.
2013-03-08 01:49:37 PM
1 votes:

SirEattonHogg: getting lemons...making lemonade?


not this is 'round the corner where fudge is made.
2013-03-08 01:48:43 PM
1 votes:

Yogimus: Dear Abby: Is it gay when my girl dildoes me in the ass?


No, only if you let her boyfriend do it.
2013-03-08 01:45:09 PM
1 votes:

Yogimus: Dear Abby: Is it gay when my girl dildoes me in the ass?


Not if it's a strap on. Then "she's" the gay one.
2013-03-08 01:43:00 PM
1 votes:
getting lemons...making lemonade?
 
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