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(The New York Times)   Vatican: 'We want a Pope that is full of charisma and has an incredible grasp of how to manipulate the media for self-promotion.' If they add 'can't throw a football to save his life,' Tim Tebow might have found his next career   (nytimes.com) divider line 87
    More: Followup, Vatican, John Paul II, good governance, Federico Lombardi, Catholic teachings, charisma, pope, football  
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1666 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Mar 2013 at 11:43 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-08 10:26:55 AM
Maybe look for one that hasn't directly been involved with diddling some kids. That'd be a fun place to start, too. But if thats not possible then yeah, get one that is better at steering the media.
 
2013-03-08 10:31:47 AM
FTFA:Before Wednesday, when they stopped giving interviews, the cardinals frequently cited attributes the church now needs: a compelling communicator who wins souls through both his words and his holy bearing, and a fearless sheriff who can tackle the disarray and scandal in the Vatican.

Having quite the time finding one that hasn't been involved in a child scandal, huh?  It's OK, just find one that will keep blaming those sexy, sexy children for their assaults, then stand firm against the immorality of homosexuals.  It's been working great so far!
 
2013-03-08 10:36:12 AM
A  Hail Mary is a kind of pass.
 
2013-03-08 10:48:15 AM
Since the only requirement for the Papacy is to have been baptized Catholic, I nominate James Carville.
 
2013-03-08 10:55:43 AM
Wanted: New leader for international child rape ring/fear-based extortion racket. No chicks.
 
2013-03-08 11:11:51 AM
Oh, bravo,  subby.

It may have been a little obvious, but I chortled gleefully nonetheless. Thank you.
 
2013-03-08 11:45:55 AM

simplicimus: Since the only requirement for the Papacy is to have been baptized Catholic, I nominate James Carville.


I need a better job, and was baptized Catholic. That would be a fun one. Would they like a liberal, mostly irreligious Quaker?
 
2013-03-08 11:47:07 AM
*yawn*
 
2013-03-08 11:47:52 AM

cptjeff: simplicimus: Since the only requirement for the Papacy is to have been baptized Catholic, I nominate James Carville.

I need a better job, and was baptized Catholic. That would be a fun one. Would they like a liberal, mostly irreligious Quaker?


What's your stance on homosexuality?
 
2013-03-08 11:48:44 AM
If Ray Lewis had been a Cardinal, he could be the next Pope!
 
2013-03-08 11:48:45 AM
The whole "not being Catholic" thing might be a sticking point.
 
2013-03-08 11:48:59 AM

whistleridge: Oh, bravo,  subby.

It may have been a little obvious, but I chortled gleefully nonetheless. Thank you.


This!!
 
2013-03-08 11:49:42 AM

Generation_D: Maybe look for one that hasn't directly been involved with diddling some kids. That'd be a fun place to start, too. But if thats not possible then yeah, get one that is better at steering the media.


Seriously. They should pick the guy from Boston. If he can clean up the absolute mess Berny left for him ,he'd be able to at least start to fix the Catholic Church
 
2013-03-08 11:50:53 AM

Molavian: cptjeff: simplicimus: Since the only requirement for the Papacy is to have been baptized Catholic, I nominate James Carville.

I need a better job, and was baptized Catholic. That would be a fun one. Would they like a liberal, mostly irreligious Quaker?

What's your stance on homosexuality?


Or alternatively, what's homosexuality's stance on you?
 
2013-03-08 11:51:51 AM

Molavian: cptjeff: simplicimus: Since the only requirement for the Papacy is to have been baptized Catholic, I nominate James Carville.

I need a better job, and was baptized Catholic. That would be a fun one. Would they like a liberal, mostly irreligious Quaker?

What's your stance on homosexuality?


Open.

I also like the abortions, the birth control, and haven't diddled any kids. Think I got a shot?
 
2013-03-08 11:52:07 AM

Molavian: cptjeff: simplicimus: Since the only requirement for the Papacy is to have been baptized Catholic, I nominate James Carville.

I need a better job, and was baptized Catholic. That would be a fun one. Would they like a liberal, mostly irreligious Quaker?

What's your stance on homosexuality?


To hell with that, what's his stance on oatmeal?
 
2013-03-08 11:52:11 AM

Generation_D: Maybe look for one that hasn't directly been involved with diddling some kids. That'd be a fun place to start, too. But if thats not possible then yeah, get one that is better at steering the media.


If closet homosexuals actually sought help instead of just joining the church as priests, there wouldn't be any diddled kids. This is a  gay problem, not a church problem.

//see how easy that was? slinging mud and projecting your own self-hatred to others is all the atheist liberals can do, you certainly aren't capable of respecting others' beliefs or solving any problems. sling away - that's all you have, nothing more.
 
2013-03-08 11:53:23 AM
It'll be Cardinal Peter Turkson, and he will take the name Pius XIII.

During his reign, the Vatican and/or parts of Rome will be destroyed. The pope will escape the destruction, but will later be found and killed.

Then the world will end.

Sources: The third secret of Fatima, the visions of Pius XII, the prophecy of St. Malachy, and the Vaticinia Nostradami.
 
2013-03-08 11:53:40 AM
More importantly, when we get the final Pope ever? 2135 A.D.?
 
2013-03-08 11:54:15 AM

Snarfangel: Molavian: cptjeff: simplicimus: Since the only requirement for the Papacy is to have been baptized Catholic, I nominate James Carville.

I need a better job, and was baptized Catholic. That would be a fun one. Would they like a liberal, mostly irreligious Quaker?

What's your stance on homosexuality?

To hell with that, what's his stance on oatmeal?


The local churches where I'm from all collect different non-perishable goods to give to soup kitchens and whatnot. Guess what my meeting collects.
 
2013-03-08 11:54:16 AM
Pope Joe Biden. He won't even have to change his name.
 
2013-03-08 11:54:50 AM
Charisma and media whore?

Ted Nugent. Pope Madman the 2nd.
 
2013-03-08 11:55:06 AM
Charismatic, able to manipulate the media, and loves self promotion?

"Outta the way, cardinals, lemme through, dontchaknow!"

i48.tinypic.com
 
2013-03-08 11:56:28 AM

cptjeff: Snarfangel: Molavian: cptjeff: simplicimus: Since the only requirement for the Papacy is to have been baptized Catholic, I nominate James Carville.

I need a better job, and was baptized Catholic. That would be a fun one. Would they like a liberal, mostly irreligious Quaker?

What's your stance on homosexuality?

To hell with that, what's his stance on oatmeal?

The local churches where I'm from all collect different non-perishable goods to give to soup kitchens and whatnot. Guess what my meeting collects.


Awesome. I think having a pope that's high in fiber and fights cholesterol would be a welcome change.
 
2013-03-08 11:56:51 AM
While Catholic clergy can be stubborn and refuse to evolve. Evangelical laymen and pastors alike are dangerous to the future of humanity. Not a good comparison subby.
 
2013-03-08 11:57:11 AM

WhoopAssWayne: If closet homosexuals actually sought help instead of just joining the church as priests, there wouldn't be any diddled kids. This is a  gay problem, not a church problem.


So much derp here.
 
2013-03-08 11:57:27 AM

WhoopAssWayne: Generation_D: Maybe look for one that hasn't directly been involved with diddling some kids. That'd be a fun place to start, too. But if thats not possible then yeah, get one that is better at steering the media.

If closet homosexuals actually sought help instead of just joining the church as priests, there wouldn't be any diddled kids. This is a  gay problem, not a church problem.

//see how easy that was? slinging mud and projecting your own self-hatred to others is all the atheist liberals can do, you certainly aren't capable of respecting others' beliefs or solving any problems. sling away - that's all you have, nothing more.


7/10. You should get a few bites from this.
 
2013-03-08 11:58:14 AM
Acually, Pope Rambo the 1st sounds awesome!
 
2013-03-08 11:59:26 AM
Is this an abandonment of their previous strategy of finding someone that will die before they get a chance to shake things up too much?
 
2013-03-08 11:59:26 AM

born_yesterday: It's OK, just find one that will keep blaming those sexy, sexy children for their assaults, then stand firm against the immorality of homosexuals.


COme on now, that old talking point is dead.

It is now the media, maybe even the jewish media.
 
2013-03-08 12:00:15 PM

millsapian87: WhoopAssWayne: If closet homosexuals actually sought help instead of just joining the church as priests, there wouldn't be any diddled kids. This is a  gay problem, not a church problem.

So much derp here.


I never did understand the whole gay is a sin thing.  Adam and Eve only had a couple of men crotchfruit.  Was Cain boning mom to make the human race?  It would explain the state of the world.
 
2013-03-08 12:00:19 PM

millsapian87: WhoopAssWayne: If closet homosexuals actually sought help instead of just joining the church as priests, there wouldn't be any diddled kids. This is a  gay problem, not a church problem.

So much derp here.


Good job! You got the point!
 
2013-03-08 12:02:21 PM
Can't we all agree that "celibate" horny old men should not be allowed to be alone with minors. Catholics, Evangelicals... Rabbis. They all get horny and they all have interests that keep them from farking hot women, so I will keep my distance.
Thank you
 
2013-03-08 12:02:36 PM

i upped my meds-up yours: Molavian: cptjeff: simplicimus: Since the only requirement for the Papacy is to have been baptized Catholic, I nominate James Carville.

I need a better job, and was baptized Catholic. That would be a fun one. Would they like a liberal, mostly irreligious Quaker?

What's your stance on homosexuality?

Or alternatively, what's homosexuality's stance on you?


A wide stance...a very wide stance.
 
2013-03-08 12:03:24 PM

Smeggy Smurf: I never did understand the whole gay is a sin thing.  Adam and Eve only had a couple of men crotchfruit.  Was Cain boning mom to make the human race?  It would explain the state of the world.


static.neatorama.com
 
2013-03-08 12:05:38 PM

Generation_D: Maybe look for one that hasn't directly been involved with diddling some kids. That'd be a fun place to start, too. But if thats not possible then yeah, get one that is better at steering the media.


Thread over. *heads back to the dita one*
 
2013-03-08 12:05:50 PM
eavoss.files.wordpress.com
gospeedraser.com
 
2013-03-08 12:06:40 PM
In this modern world even appointments to the most holy of positions comes down to choosing between the lesser of several evils.

Not that it's ever been any different, it's just harder to conceal these days.
 
2013-03-08 12:07:58 PM

Smeggy Smurf: millsapian87: WhoopAssWayne: If closet homosexuals actually sought help instead of just joining the church as priests, there wouldn't be any diddled kids. This is a  gay problem, not a church problem.

So much derp here.

I never did understand the whole gay is a sin thing.  Adam and Eve only had a couple of men crotchfruit.  Was Cain boning mom to make the human race?  It would explain the state of the world.


They had more than two kids, was still incest though...
 
2013-03-08 12:08:17 PM

Smeggy Smurf:  Adam and Eve only had a couple of men crotchfruit.  Was Cain boning mom to make the human race?  It would explain the state of the world.


No, see, that's one o' the (many) plot holes one finds in a close reading of the Bible.  Cain slew Abel, and YHWH cast him out.  Then Cain found a wife somehow.  But if Adam & Eve were literally created by YHWH, how could Cain have found a wife elsewhere?  The mind boggles.

"16 And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden.
"17 And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch."
 
2013-03-08 12:10:08 PM

Smeggy Smurf: millsapian87: WhoopAssWayne: If closet homosexuals actually sought help instead of just joining the church as priests, there wouldn't be any diddled kids. This is a  gay problem, not a church problem.

So much derp here.

I never did understand the whole gay is a sin thing.  Adam and Eve only had a couple of men crotchfruit.  Was Cain boning mom to make the human race?  It would explain the state of the world.


control their crotch and you control the world. the Church wanted lots of duped faithful to breed more and raise them in the derp, brainwashed from birth. more members of the Mickey Mouse club = more tithe money coming in, more land bought up, more buildings built. this was also to the benefit of the church's good friend the Wealthy & Powerful Families that need plenty of stupid hard working hands to work in their factories & farms while buying their wares and paying them rent, etcetera.
 
2013-03-08 12:10:47 PM
They have a double problem:

(1) Most of the pool of candidates are old and crusty cardinals who, by their very age, will not be considered charismatic by most of their target audience (younger Catholics).
(2) The younger, more charismatic candidates, are more likely to be more liberal on social issues, which will make it difficult for them to get the needed support from the cardinals who will select the candidate.

Ultimately, I suspect the cardinals will to vote for a old and crusty conservative candidate who lacks charisma, instead of voting for a younger, more liberal, charismatic candidate.
 
2013-03-08 12:13:44 PM

Smeggy Smurf: millsapian87: WhoopAssWayne: If closet homosexuals actually sought help instead of just joining the church as priests, there wouldn't be any diddled kids. This is a  gay problem, not a church problem.

So much derp here.

I never did understand the whole gay is a sin thing.  Adam and Eve only had a couple of men crotchfruit.  Was Cain boning mom to make the human race?  It would explain the state of the world.


Supposedly they each had a twin sister and they were supposed to marry the other brother's twin.  This was another reason Cain slew Able. Apparently Cain had the more desirable sister and was jealous that Able was going to marry her.

Obviously this story was in texts outside the Bible.
 
2013-03-08 12:13:53 PM

JeffreyScott: The younger, more charismatic candidates, are more likely to be more liberal on social issues, which will make it difficult for them to get the needed support from the cardinals who will select the candidate.


Which makes an African pope a possibility
 
2013-03-08 12:13:55 PM

JeffreyScott: Ultimately, I suspect the cardinals will to vote for a old and crusty conservative candidate who lacks charisma, instead of voting for a younger, more liberal, charismatic candidate.


I'm hoping for another former Nazi, myself.
 
2013-03-08 12:14:32 PM

Molavian: What's your stance on homosexuality?


I think most people are willing to try it at least once in exchange for a life of absolute luxury.

/YMMV
 
2013-03-08 12:14:36 PM

Molavian: cptjeff: simplicimus: Since the only requirement for the Papacy is to have been baptized Catholic, I nominate James Carville.

I need a better job, and was baptized Catholic. That would be a fun one. Would they like a liberal, mostly irreligious Quaker?

What's your stance on homosexuality?


Many cardinals have a wide stance.
 
2013-03-08 12:17:12 PM
This has rekindled my lack of interest.
 
2013-03-08 12:17:50 PM

millsapian87: Smeggy Smurf:  Adam and Eve only had a couple of men crotchfruit.  Was Cain boning mom to make the human race?  It would explain the state of the world.

No, see, that's one o' the (many) plot holes one finds in a close reading of the Bible.  Cain slew Abel, and YHWH cast him out.  Then Cain found a wife somehow.  But if Adam & Eve were literally created by YHWH, how could Cain have found a wife elsewhere?  The mind boggles.

"16 And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden.
"17 And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch."


They do say the Lord will provide.  Personally I think both Adam and Eve were liars.  They were boning everything in sight.
 
2013-03-08 12:20:57 PM
I want a pope with the right allocations, who's fast and thorough and sharp as a tack...I want a pope with a short surplice and a long cassock.
 
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