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(YouTube)   Actual traffic alert system in PA: "Alert: This is a test. Bryan is gay"   (youtube.com) divider line 73
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12284 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Mar 2013 at 12:14 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



73 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2013-03-07 11:50:33 AM  
See, his main mistake was acknowledging that he did it in the first place. Once you acknowledge it, you're done. Instead, when you're accused of something, fix your accuser with a long, hard stare, and repeat the following.

"It wasn't me."

If they repeat their accusation, give them a longer stare, then point with your index finger in the direction of their chin, and say,

"HEY. It wasn't me."

Continue until they leave.

/thanks, eddie murphy
 
2013-03-07 12:18:04 PM  
Actually, it's his brother Jerry.
 
2013-03-07 12:18:44 PM  
still haven't figured out the definition of "is"
 
2013-03-07 12:19:48 PM  
IF, and this is a big if, IF you acknowledge that your workstation was involved in any way with sending the message, you are SUPPOSED to say that you forgot to lock your workstation, had to pee, and someone else must have done it as a joke.
 
2013-03-07 12:20:34 PM  
I'd say, stay classy PA, but well, you know.
 
2013-03-07 12:22:31 PM  
I'm gay and I thought this was funny. 

:)
 
2013-03-07 12:25:44 PM  
What's the one clip where the guy in class shouts "GAY!" That one .gif
 
2013-03-07 12:26:45 PM  
Who is this "Bryan" and why is he happy?
 
2013-03-07 12:30:03 PM  
Half the Republicans who saw this nodded solemnly and picked up their shotgun and rope.  The other half nodded solemnly and put on their lipstick and high-heels.
 
2013-03-07 12:36:24 PM  
Wow.

Just wow.

Imagine what a raging poofter Bryan must be, that traffic alerts must be made to protect the public from him by warning them to keep off the roads.

WARNING: IF YOU ARE MALE AND IN PENNSYLVANIA, YOU GONNA GET RAPED. GIVE MY LOVE TO BRYAN, WHOEVER HE IS.
 
2013-03-07 12:38:27 PM  
What the hell is wrong with this guy?  In politics, and does not know the ropes...

1.  Realize how bad you farked up, and say that it wasn't you.
2.  Spend the city's money on an "Internal investigation".
3.  Figure out which office staffer you hate the most.
4.  Point the finger at them, and have them fired, and have someone write a speech about your credibility and awareness of the group you have offended.
5.  Make a Senate run..

//farking novice...
 
2013-03-07 12:38:48 PM  

Pocket Ninja: See, his main mistake was acknowledging that he did it in the first place. Once you acknowledge it, you're done. Instead, when you're accused of something, fix your accuser with a long, hard stare, and repeat the following.

"It wasn't me."

If they repeat their accusation, give them a longer stare, then point with your index finger in the direction of their chin, and say,

"HEY. It wasn't me."

Continue until they leave.

/thanks, eddie murphy


"If you're gonna let a fark come between our love, there's something really wrong happening here, baby."
 
2013-03-07 12:39:05 PM  
The first clue should have been the spelling of Bryan. It is a known red flag if a guy uses a "y" to replace other letters in his name.
 
2013-03-07 12:40:59 PM  
Kimmel's right - the dude sounds like he's in the fourth grade. Calling people "gay", and then pretending that it meant something else. He strikes me as the kind of guy who also uses words like "wee wee".
 
2013-03-07 12:43:11 PM  
The press conference at the end got me for a second. That was actually pretty well done.
 
2013-03-07 12:45:16 PM  

Pocket Ninja: See, his main mistake was acknowledging that he did it in the first place. Once you acknowledge it, you're done. Instead, when you're accused of something, fix your accuser with a long, hard stare, and repeat the following.

"It wasn't me."


My old man, a veteran of 30+ years in the federal bureaucracy, always said there were two master excuses one of which would fit any occasion:

1. It was like that when I got here.

2. We've always done it that way.

In this occasion, I would have chosen the first excuse and then stuck by my guns.
 
2013-03-07 12:56:09 PM  
We just hired a guy whose name is Bryan.  He really is gay.

/csb
 
2013-03-07 01:03:39 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: What's the one clip where the guy in class shouts "GAY!" That one .gif


My cousin's kid has an acquaintance on face book that whenever the kid posts a pic, this douche posts "gay" in the comments. I watched this kid do this for about a year, figuring he would grow out of it or my cousin's kid would give him a shiner. Finally, I decided to have some fun and messaged y cousin's kid to set it up.

I told him the plan and he was all for it. The next time the kid posted "gay" I immediately posted that I was so proud of my cousin's kid for having friends who were out and proud. Then went on about how hard it was when I was their age to be gay, blah blah, and anyway, your friend's cute. Why don't' you give me his cell #? I'm going to be in his town soon and maybe I can take the lad to lunch or something. Worked like a farking charm. My cousin's kid told his friend in message that he gave his number to me, and he should expect a call from an older, mature gentleman who was very very interested in his gay friend. Poor bastard just about deleted himself from the internet.
 
2013-03-07 01:04:54 PM  
"I meant 'gay' as in "happy"!"

Yeah, what is this, The Flintstones theme song? This story is funny, but that dude just needs to own up to his bullshiat.
 
2013-03-07 01:05:14 PM  
"ungay?"
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-07 01:05:39 PM  

Gifted Many Few: The first clue should have been the spelling of Bryan. It is a known red flag if a guy uses a "y" to replace other letters in his name.


My Very Heterosexual friend Alyxyndyr would like a word with you.

And for some odd reason, he wants you to be wearing leather pants covered in vaseline.
 
2013-03-07 01:10:53 PM  

Meatybrain: My Very Heterosexual friend Alyxyndyr would like a word with you.

And for some odd reason, he wants you to be wearing leather pants covered in vaseline.


That is where I draw the line. It's assless chaps or nothing.
 
2013-03-07 01:22:26 PM  
Wow, they actually used the WNEP logo during the skit, the local Wilkes-Barre ABC affiliate.
upload.wikimedia.org
Probably just grabbed the first logo off a GIS, but still kind of impressed they put that much effort into it.

/Former Poconos Resident.
//In His defense, Bryan is TOTES gay.
 
2013-03-07 01:32:41 PM  
I don't know the answer. Does that mean I fail the test?
 
2013-03-07 01:37:57 PM  

aedude01: I'm gay and I thought this was funny. 

:)


Are you gay BECAUSE it was funny, or are you just in a good mood today?
 
2013-03-07 01:49:35 PM  

Gifted Many Few: The first clue should have been the spelling of Bryan. It is a known red flag if a guy uses a "y" to replace other letters in his name.


Bryan= gay?

he could just have parents who were crappy spellers
 
2013-03-07 01:52:06 PM  

Wayne 985: Kimmel's right - the dude sounds like he's in the fourth grade. Calling people "gay", and then pretending that it meant something else. He strikes me as the kind of guy who also uses words like "wee wee".


So, I was giving a speech the other day in class on Baer V. Chase. It's a civil case centering on the creation of The Sopranos. It was fun saying Big Pussy and Little Pussy. The little kid in me chuckled. I tend to project my voice well and am certain that it was the loudest, Big Pussy the people in class, had ever heard.

/Big Pussy
 
2013-03-07 01:54:51 PM  

aedude01: I'm gay and I thought this was funny.

:)


I'm gay too.  We should hang out.
 
2013-03-07 01:58:38 PM  
Bob has been fired. This is not a test.
 
2013-03-07 02:25:03 PM  
The councilman's picture set off the gaydar here.
 
2013-03-07 02:29:09 PM  
farm4.staticflickr.com

/stay off his rear, unless you want a response
 
2013-03-07 02:32:24 PM  
Im happy to see they are getting along.

Buttknuckle: aedude01: I'm gay and I thought this was funny.

:)

I'm gay too.  We should hang out.

 
2013-03-07 02:42:02 PM  

Jument: The press conference at the end got me for a second. That was actually pretty well done.


Yeah.  Spokesperson is too fat unless she works for Chris Christie.
 
2013-03-07 02:46:57 PM  

shazbotuh: Gifted Many Few: The first clue should have been the spelling of Bryan. It is a known red flag if a guy uses a "y" to replace other letters in his name.

Bryan= gay?

he could just have parents who were crappy spellers


I knew a girl whose name  was pronounced "charity" but spelled "chairty" on her birth certificate & other docs.  She explained,  "Mom was drunk."

Also, I thought a red flag advertised "fisting."
 
2013-03-07 02:47:19 PM  
My guess is: Bryan deserved this. (whoever he is)
 
2013-03-07 02:47:55 PM  

hp6sa: We just hired a guy whose name is Bryan.  He really is gay.

/csb


Everyone's gay to get a job these days.
 
2013-03-07 02:48:33 PM  

Wayne 985: Kimmel's right - the dude sounds like he's in the fourth grade. Calling people "gay", and then pretending that it meant something else. He strikes me as the kind of guy who also uses words like "wee wee".




Obligatory
 
2013-03-07 02:49:14 PM  

FatherChaos: My guess is: Bryan deserved this. (whoever he is)


Maybe not.

si0.twimg.com
 
2013-03-07 02:53:17 PM  

BarkingUnicorn: hp6sa: We just hired a guy whose name is Bryan.  He really is gay.

/csb

Everyone's gay to get a job these days.


I knew a cop who claimed gayness to get in. I think he's married to a woman. Good ethical foundation for being a cop.
 
2013-03-07 03:01:17 PM  

OldManDownDRoad: Pocket Ninja: See, his main mistake was acknowledging that he did it in the first place. Once you acknowledge it, you're done. Instead, when you're accused of something, fix your accuser with a long, hard stare, and repeat the following.

"It wasn't me."

My old man, a veteran of 30+ years in the federal bureaucracy, always said there were two master excuses one of which would fit any occasion:

1. It was like that when I got here.

2. We've always done it that way.

In this occasion, I would have chosen the first excuse and then stuck by my guns.


Also:

"It's my first day"
 
2013-03-07 03:07:10 PM  
In his defense, Bryan is a total queer. Anyone who unnecessarily substitutes a Y for an I is a homo. Unless it's at the end of your name.
 
2013-03-07 03:28:41 PM  
Pocket Ninja: See, his main mistake was acknowledging that he did it in the first place. Once you acknowledge it, you're done. Instead, when you're accused of something, fix your accuser with a long, hard stare, and repeat the following.

"It wasn't me."
Deny, deny, deny, make counter-accusations.


If they repeat their accusation, give them a longer stare, then point with your index finger in the direction of their chin, and say,

"HEY. It wasn't me."

Continue until they leave.

/thanks, eddie murphy
 
2013-03-07 03:29:31 PM  

Pocket Ninja: See, his main mistake was acknowledging that he did it in the first place. Once you acknowledge it, you're done. Instead, when you're accused of something, fix your accuser with a long, hard stare, and repeat the following.

"It wasn't me."

If they repeat their accusation, give them a longer stare, then point with your index finger in the direction of their chin, and say,

"HEY. It wasn't me."

Continue until they leave.

/thanks, eddie murphy


That's a good one, but you forgot Steve Martin's suggestion:

You can be a millionaire.. and  never pay taxes! You say.. "Steve.. how can  I be a millionaire.. and  never pay taxes?" First.. get a million dollars.

Now.. you say, "Steve.. what do I say to the tax man when he comes to my door and says, 'You.. have  never paid taxes'?"

Two simple words. Two simple words in the English language: "I forgot!" How many times do we let ourselves get into terrible situations because we  don't say "I forgot"? Let's say you're on trial for armed robbery. You say to the judge, "I forgot armed robbery was illegal."
 
2013-03-07 03:34:54 PM  

YodaBlues: Wow, they actually used the WNEP logo during the skit, the local Wilkes-Barre ABC affiliate.
[upload.wikimedia.org image 400x530]
Probably just grabbed the first logo off a GIS, but still kind of impressed they put that much effort into it.

/Former Poconos Resident.
//In His defense, Bryan is TOTES gay.


Washington, PA is a long way from the Poconos though.

Here's some local media coverage from the scene of the email:

http://www.observer-reporter.com/article/20130306/NEWS01/130309510/1 00 3
 
2013-03-07 03:48:34 PM  

heili skrimsli: YodaBlues: Wow, they actually used the WNEP logo during the skit, the local Wilkes-Barre ABC affiliate.
[upload.wikimedia.org image 400x530]
Probably just grabbed the first logo off a GIS, but still kind of impressed they put that much effort into it.

/Former Poconos Resident.
//In His defense, Bryan is TOTES gay.

Washington, PA is a long way from the Poconos though.

Here's some local media coverage from the scene of the email:

http://www.observer-reporter.com/article/20130306/NEWS01/130309510/1 00 3


Oh snap, you're right. It's all the way in the southwest corner by Ohio. I just recognized the WNEP logo since Scranton/Wilkes-Barre is only about 45 minutes away from where I used to live.
 
2013-03-07 03:53:59 PM  
As someone who has worked in a traffic control center I can attest that this is very easy to do.  One second you're joking around, the next the one you're joking with hits ENTER.

/Ever have your blood pressure drop to zero?
 
2013-03-07 04:13:17 PM  

Gifted Many Few: Meatybrain: My Very Heterosexual friend Alyxyndyr would like a word with you.

And for some odd reason, he wants you to be wearing leather pants covered in vaseline.

That is where I draw the line. It's assless chaps or nothing.


api.ning.com
What an assless chap might look like...
 
2013-03-07 04:15:26 PM  
I'm Bryan. And so is my wife!
 
2013-03-07 04:20:17 PM  
Washington is very, let's say, "rural."  It's where us West Virginians go to see the real rednecks.
 
2013-03-07 04:27:23 PM  
Who the hell actually cares about this? It was funny, the alert system works. Move on with your lives.
 
2013-03-07 04:39:23 PM  
Not gay in the homosexual way. Gay in the bad at sports way.

www.michaelscottpapercompany.com
 
2013-03-07 04:43:05 PM  

Smeggy Smurf: Wayne 985: Kimmel's right - the dude sounds like he's in the fourth grade. Calling people "gay", and then pretending that it meant something else. He strikes me as the kind of guy who also uses words like "wee wee".

Obligatory


That's goddamn hilarious. What is that from?
 
2013-03-07 06:21:10 PM  

Savage Bacon: Pocket Ninja: See, his main mistake was acknowledging that he did it in the first place. Once you acknowledge it, you're done. Instead, when you're accused of something, fix your accuser with a long, hard stare, and repeat the following.

"It wasn't me."

If they repeat their accusation, give them a longer stare, then point with your index finger in the direction of their chin, and say,

"HEY. It wasn't me."

Continue until they leave.

/thanks, eddie murphy

"If you're gonna let a fark come between our love, there's something really wrong happening here, baby."


"...okay."
 
2013-03-07 06:22:43 PM  

CWeinerWV: Washington is very, let's say, "rural."  It's where us West Virginians go to see the real rednecks.


I can vouch for this. I went to college there.
 
2013-03-07 06:42:56 PM  

BarkingUnicorn: Jument: The press conference at the end got me for a second. That was actually pretty well done.
Yeah.  Spokesperson is too fat unless she works for Chris Christie.


I take it you've never seen one of Chicago Teachers Union president Karen Lewis' press conferences.
 
2013-03-07 06:46:26 PM  

MadSkillz: BarkingUnicorn: hp6sa: We just hired a guy whose name is Bryan.  He really is gay.

/csb

Everyone's gay to get a job these days.

I knew a cop who claimed gayness to get in. I think he's married to a woman. Good ethical foundation for being a cop.


Married does not necessarily mean straight. It might be a passionless sham of a marriage in which he constantly abandons his neglected wife and her famished vagina in order to slurp the sweat off the cocks of a thousand rent boys.

Or maybe not.

Also this,

weknowmemes.com
 
2013-03-07 07:01:18 PM  
gay = hilarious
 
2013-03-07 07:03:27 PM  

Jon iz teh kewl: gay = hilarious


actually gay is what everybody should be
and if you're not gay you're probably stuck in a dead end job like me
 
2013-03-07 07:37:59 PM  

MadSkillz: BarkingUnicorn: hp6sa: We just hired a guy whose name is Bryan.  He really is gay.

/csb

Everyone's gay to get a job these days.

I knew a cop who claimed gayness to get in. I think he's married to a woman. Good ethical foundation for being a cop.


*Whoosh!* :-)

I meant "gay" in the sense this councilman claims to mean it.
 
2013-03-07 07:54:42 PM  

i upped my meds-up yours: [farm4.staticflickr.com image 500x400]

/stay off his rear, unless you want a response


Reminds me of this time about ten years ago when I worked in the produce department of a grocery store. One day the Dairy Dept manager (who was gay) was working and was constantly rolling his neck and his shoulders. Finally, I asked him what the deal was. He told me he and  his bf had been rear ended at a stoplight the nght before, and he had a bit of whiplash. I snickered to myself and said nothing.

Later on that day we all went for lunch, and said he'd been in an accident. Being the smartass that I am, I said "Yeah, for the first time in his life Larry got rear ended and didn't like it."

There was stunned silence for a couple seconds, and in those two seconds i was cursing myself and wondering I would get a job next. Thankfully, after the shock wore off, everyone burst out laughing, especially Larry.

/csb
 
2013-03-07 08:22:52 PM  
Are we not allowed to say "That's gay" anymore, btw? Is that not allowed? Because if so, that's farking gay.
 
2013-03-07 08:26:12 PM  

bdub77: Are we not allowed to say "That's gay" anymore, btw? Is that not allowed? Because if so, that's farking gay.


it's amazingly queer
and WELCOME!!
 
2013-03-07 08:43:51 PM  

UncleStumpy: i upped my meds-up yours: [farm4.staticflickr.com image 500x400]

/stay off his rear, unless you want a response

Reminds me of this time about ten years ago when I worked in the produce department of a grocery store. One day the Dairy Dept manager (who was gay) was working and was constantly rolling his neck and his shoulders. Finally, I asked him what the deal was. He told me he and  his bf had been rear ended at a stoplight the nght before, and he had a bit of whiplash. I snickered to myself and said nothing.

Later on that day we all went for lunch, and said he'd been in an accident. Being the smartass that I am, I said "Yeah, for the first time in his life Larry got rear ended and didn't like it."

There was stunned silence for a couple seconds, and in those two seconds i was cursing myself and wondering I would get a job next. Thankfully, after the shock wore off, everyone burst out laughing, especially Larry.

/csb


Hey, I dig that, since I took the pic myself. No viralness involved.
 
2013-03-07 10:28:34 PM  

bdub77: Are we not allowed to say "That's gay" anymore, btw? Is that not allowed? Because if so, that's farking gay.


I have gay friends that use the word that way.
Whenever we use it around each other it's understood that we mean "ghey".  Either that or the alternate definition of "gay": morally wrong and partially illegal.
 
2013-03-07 11:54:28 PM  
Is that the same lady that's appeared in some vids by The Onion?
 
2013-03-08 12:36:15 AM  

Pocket Ninja: See, his main mistake was acknowledging that he did it in the first place. Once you acknowledge it, you're done. Instead, when you're accused of something, fix your accuser with a long, hard stare, and repeat the following.

"It wasn't me."

If they repeat their accusation, give them a longer stare, then point with your index finger in the direction of their chin, and say,

"HEY. It wasn't me."

Continue until they leave.

/thanks, eddie murphy


"I'll have to have my technical crew look into the matter and get back to you."
*waits a few days*
"My technical crew has determined that the offensive message was sent by your nephew, who you forced upon this office and is utterly unqualified to hold his present job - which he never does.  It is with great pleasure that I announce the individual in question has finally been fired, after having avoided my previous attempts by contacting you."
 
2013-03-08 05:01:19 AM  
This suddenly came to mind. Hours too late, I know, but I'm posting it anyway...
 
2013-03-08 06:31:08 AM  

YodaBlues: Oh snap, you're right. It's all the way in the southwest corner by Ohio. I just recognized the WNEP logo since Scranton/Wilkes-Barre is only about 45 minutes away from where I used to live.


I'm from Pittsburgh, so it's probably 45 minutes away from me. :)

CWeinerWV: Washington is very, let's say, "rural." It's where us West Virginians go to see the real rednecks.


You should try Waynesburg and Uniontown. I heard PA tried to straight up trade WV for Morgantown and Wheeling and they declined.
 
2013-03-08 07:44:39 AM  

Fark Irony Police: FatherChaos: My guess is: Bryan deserved this. (whoever he is)

Maybe not.

si0.twimg.com

Needs to be kicked.
 
2013-03-08 08:41:03 AM  
UncleStumpy: Later on that day we all went for lunch, and said he'd been in an accident. Being the smartass that I am, I said "Yeah, for the first time in his life Larry got rear ended and didn't like it."

There was stunned silence for a couple seconds, and in those two seconds i was cursing myself and wondering I would get a job next. Thankfully, after the shock wore off, everyone burst out laughing, especially Larry.

/csb


Sometimes you gamble and you win.
 
2013-03-08 09:07:40 AM  

UncleStumpy: i upped my meds-up yours: [farm4.staticflickr.com image 500x400]

/stay off his rear, unless you want a response

Reminds me of this time about ten years ago when I worked in the produce department of a grocery store. One day the Dairy Dept manager (who was gay) was working and was constantly rolling his neck and his shoulders. Finally, I asked him what the deal was. He told me he and  his bf had been rear ended at a stoplight the nght before, and he had a bit of whiplash. I snickered to myself and said nothing.

Later on that day we all went for lunch, and said he'd been in an accident. Being the smartass that I am, I said "Yeah, for the first time in his life Larry got rear ended and didn't like it."

There was stunned silence for a couple seconds, and in those two seconds i was cursing myself and wondering I would get a job next. Thankfully, after the shock wore off, everyone burst out laughing, especially Larry.

/csb



My first job was working the stockroom in a grocery store.  The general manager there had a lot of very effeminate mannerisms, but insisted he wasn't gay and was very defensive about the thinly-veiled innuendos that were often thrown his way (this was a little bit before today's standards of workplace harassment).

Anyway, one of my responsibilities was unloading trucks, but a manager had to "receive" them (log the paperwork in, verify the seal, etc.) before we could touch them, so the first step was always to page a manager to the back room; additionally, we had two loading docks at opposite ends of the store, so we had to specify which one was being used - SOP was to simply say something like "Manager on duty to X dock, please" over the PA, but one night without even thinking about it I just said "Jeff, please come receive a meat delivery in the rear".  I honestly didn't even register what I'd said until I hung up the phone, and a couple seconds later came the page "[Loaf], to the manager's office. NOW."

Somehow I didn't get fired...the assistant manager sitting there laughing his ass off didn't help my case any, though.
 
2013-03-08 11:39:29 AM  

Loaf's Tray: My first job was working the stockroom in a grocery store.  The general manager there had a lot of very effeminate mannerisms, but insisted he wasn't gay and was very defensive about the thinly-veiled innuendos that were often thrown his way (this was a little bit before today's standards of workplace harassment).

Anyway, one of my responsibilities was unloading trucks, but a manager had to "receive" them (log the paperwork in, verify the seal, etc.) before we could touch them, so the first step was always to page a manager to the back room; additionally, we had two loading docks at opposite ends of the store, so we had to specify which one was being used - SOP was to simply say something like "Manager on duty to X dock, please" over the PA, but one night without even thinking about it I just said "Jeff, please come receive a meat delivery in the rear".  I honestly didn't even register what I'd said until I hung up the phone, and a couple seconds later came the page "[Loaf], to the manager's office. NOW."

Somehow I didn't get fired ...


CSB indeed. But make it clearer that the manager's name was Jeff.
 
2013-03-08 12:28:23 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: What's the one clip where the guy in class shouts "GAY!" That one .gif


http://hahgay.com/

the gif is 805kb and too big
 
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