What do you do?
Um...  kick it like your going for a field goal.
it will leave you alone after that.

/pansy city folk.
//grow thicker skin.

Beer

Vermouth

Wild turkeys are cool and the driver in the linked article is an idiot.

The Stealth Hippopotamus: Pure grain alcohol?!


/needs rain water

My thoughts exactly.

3.bp.blogspot.com


That's the way your hard-core turkey works. I first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love... Yes, a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I - I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence. I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Turkeys, er, turkeys sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid turkey, Mandrake...but I do deny them my essence.

my granpa had a number of wild turkeys on his property who thought he was pretty cool. he'd sit out front on warm days and read in front of his house, and they'd eventually mosy up. eventually they got comfortable enough around him that they were walking up within touching distance.

one day he was reading, and the turkeys came up like normal. but, gramps being the michevous old coot he was, had brought with him a nice loud sports whistle. as subtly as he could he lifted the whistle and blew it as hard as he could.

he later described the turkeys as 'larry moe an' curly, dey rran, an' i tout one ouf dem woud have eh, hart attackh he flopped aroun' so much'(his words).

wish i'd been there to see that...

Turkeys talons can be pretty sharp. It's definitely a couple of inches of sharp claw that'll go for your face or midsection. Don't discount the beaks either. That said, if you are in your car, surrounded by attacking turkeys ... why would you not just ... oh, I dunno ... DRIVE YOUR VEHICLE FORWARD.

Are all you city people this ignorant when it comes to wildlife? I stopped a lady and her kid the other day from approaching some deer. More then likely the deer would have fled, but not if it felt cornered or had a fawn with it.

Deer attack video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15ut0KUHO9E

HellRaisingHoosier: Turkeys talons can be pretty sharp. It's definitely a couple of inches of sharp claw that'll go for your face or midsection.

A well-placed shot from a turkey's spur could cause some damage, I suppose, but they aren't particularly long or sharp.

Ah Wild Turkey. New Year's Eve afternoon 20??. Order shot of WT. Hot girl next to me mutters something about "Finally something other than a biatch drink." She buys us a couple more rounds. Her bf comes back, he's a nice guy, knew him kinda. Oops. She asks if I want a lil New Year's kiss. Hell yeah. I nod to the bf, whose a bit pissed but nods back anyways. About a minute later I'm thinking this'll be a good year.

She stands up, asks me if I want anything else, so I whisper in her ear "One whiskey, one scotch, and one beer"
/Thank you thank you, that's this weeks 95% true Earworm CSB

Sybarite: A bicyclist died last year in Martinez when he collided into a flock of turkeys.


My god, I used to live in Martinez...  looks like I escaped just in time.

show me: She stands up, asks me if I want anything else, so I whisper in her ear "One bourbon, whiskey, one scotch, and one beer"
/Thank you thank you, that's this weeks 95% true Earworm CSB

FTFY

Curses. Thanks. That's what I get for farking at work...

Hack Patooey: pkrzycki: Seriously, wild turkeys aren't that ferocious, a simple tennis racket to the head will knock them unconscious, and then you grab them by the neck, just under the head, and make a motion like cracking a whip and bam... you can start making dinner...

Grandma taught me to "grab em by the neck, and give em a quick crank around"

grampy on mom's side was a big fan of hanging them by the feet and slicing their throats open with a VERY sharp knife.

but he and granma both had arthritis in the wrists.

/fwiw, it works like a champ, they don't fight and only flap around for a minute or so at the very end of the bloodletting, when the brain goes dry and starts misfiring.

pkrzycki: Ego edo infantia cattus: Um... kick it like your going for a field goal.
it will leave you alone after that.

I agree wholeheartedly, they are one of the dumbest birds I have ever encountered, and a swift kick will send them running.

Franklin's Letter to His Daughter (excerpt)

"For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly. You may have seen him perched on some dead Tree near the River, where, too lazy to fish for himself, he watches the Labour of the Fishing Hawk; and when that diligent Bird has at length taken a Fish, and is bearing it to his Nest for the Support of his Mate and young Ones, the Bald Eagle pursues him and takes it from him.

"With all this Injustice, he is never in good Case but like those among Men who live by Sharping & Robbing he is generally poor and often very lousy. Besides he is a rank Coward: The little King Bird not bigger than a Sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the District. He is therefore by no means a proper Emblem for the brave and honest Cincinnati of America who have driven all the King birds from our Country...

"I am on this account not displeased that the Figure is not known as a Bald Eagle, but looks more like a Turkey. For the Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America... He is besides, though a little vain & silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on."

A grasshopper.

Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster

The drink is also a Wild Turkey, as we're playing my favorite drinking game: "Take a drink every time you take a drink".

If you play it right, you'll catch a pretty good buzz.

I would drink Wild Turkey before turpentine, but not much before.  So if it was the chaser, I would imagine that the drink would have to have been the very last other form of liquid on the planet before Wild Turkey and turpentine.

MikeSass: I would drink Wild Turkey before turpentine, but not much before.  So if it was the chaser, I would imagine that the drink would have to have been the very last other form of liquid on the planet before Wild Turkey and turpentine.

Beats the hell out of well. Vegas, casino bar, $10 in silver, drinking non-computer poured Wild Turkey for free. Bonus: video poker. Extra bonus: only pretending to gamble.

Always made out like a bandit there.

/doesn't gamble

A kinger of PBR?

"So for now they'll just continue to gobble up more space in Bay Area cities"

Well played.  Obvious, but well played nonetheless.

Ego edo infantia cattus: What do you do?
Um...  kick it like your going for a field goal.
it will leave you alone after that.

/pansy city folk.
//grow thicker skin.

Turkeys are large birds with lots of... points to them. You know, between beak and the claws. And the feathers aren't exactly fluffy. Having dealt with an aggressive (domestic) tom before, I can tell you that it is not fun. (No, seriously, he was a jerk.) Can't imagine what it must be like for people without experience with poultry...

That said, I've never been injured by a turkey. Chickens, on the other hand...

Pants_Optional: A kinger of PBR?

I believe the correct answer is Falstaff, sometimes updated in live performances to Shiner:

Sure does like his Falstaff Beer
He likes to chase it down with that Wild Turkey Liquor
He's got a '57 GMC pickup truck
Got a gun rack "A Goat Roper needs love too" sticker

/original Ray Wiley Hubbard version or Jerry Jeff Walker cover version, this would make a suitable topic...

I've had a wild turkey draw blood on me with his spur. Also they can smack you pretty hard with the leading edge of the wing. Might actually be dangerous if they attacked a little kid but we just keep a hockey stick on the front porch.

It's a turkey. Get an axe.

I don't know but I've chased Everclear with Old Grand-dad before.

More whiskey.