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(Slate)   Man hides his dark, terrifying secret from his wife until after marriage, and now she doesn't know how to cope with a man addicted to video games   (slate.com) divider line 354
    More: Silly, Emily Yoffe, Kid A, online games, fictional world, imaginary worlds, video games  
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14243 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Mar 2013 at 3:35 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-06 04:56:12 PM
I'd like to put this out there. If anyone is playing xbox 360 my name is inertchunk, feel free to friend me. Bonus points for those playing FIFA...
 
2013-03-06 04:57:33 PM
I met my husband at a gaming store, so I wasn't surprised that he plays mmorpgs. I was surprised how much he played. The first coupleof years we lived together we had fights over his gaming. Then he bought me a laptop, set me up my own WoW account and now I game more than he does. He also got me into d&d, and anime. 11 years later we are the two happiest nerds you will ever meet. Our kids both play WoW, and watch anime. One happy nerdy family!
 
2013-03-06 04:59:37 PM

The Ghost of Tom Ace: [lh3.googleusercontent.com image 801x809]


it's that but more "Pay attention to me. Look at ME. LAVISH ALL YOUR TIME ON ME!"

the wife is a moron.  That said this was the first time I've seen a rational answer to the various forms of "my husband has a harmless hobby and i don't like it" dear abbey questions.
 
2013-03-06 05:00:39 PM
If my partner spent 20 hours a week at bars I'd wonder if they had a drinking problem. Why should gaming be treated differently? If he isn't addicted he should be able to stop for a few weeks to show her that then go back to playing.
 
2013-03-06 05:01:43 PM

zooyorkfreak: vudukungfu: jennies1897: This woman seriously needs to talk to someone who has dealt with someone who has a serious addiction to video games. I was with a guy who slowly devolved over the four years I lived with him. At first he played more than I expected, which wasn't that big of a deal. We still did things together. Over time, it got to a point where he couldn't hold down a job anymore. I could go days without speaking to him because he was so busy raiding. He turned down sex repeatedly and the rare times we had it at all, it was entirely hate-farking on my part. He spent days on that computer, neglecting himself, me, the apartment. My complaints fell on deaf ears, once in awhile he would encourage me to join him. The guy literally did not realize he was destroying his relationship and was utterly shocked when I finally broke it off. It still bothers me to this day and while I did date another guy who was into online role playing games, I couldn't move forward because the experience wouldn't leave my mind. That's sad and honestly, she should be delighted he only plays 10 hrs a week. That shiat can destroy lives.

So... You're single?

i second that notion for a response from jennie


Yep. The two breakups I speak of were years ago though, right now I am single because I want to be.
 
2013-03-06 05:01:53 PM

que.guero: Advice columns are always good for a laugh as they do a fine job of illustrating a fundamental difference between men and women.

Men use an argument to win a crowd.
Women use a crowd to win an argument.


Well said. Allow me to add:
 Men are judged by what they do and what they say.
 Women are judged by how they look and their feminine appeal.
 
2013-03-06 05:02:34 PM

J. Frank Parnell: Gifted Many Few: No, video games are the laziest of the hobbies. The only activity there is going to the store and buying the game.

Reading, writing, model construction, pottery, wood carving, and tole painting, are all equally 'lazy'.

You could really just go down a list of every hobby known to man and the majority, if not all, involve sitting you your ass for long periods while doing them.


mountain biking. I sit on my ass a lot doing that.


/I'm doing it wrong.
 
2013-03-06 05:02:37 PM

belhade: He may have just been running quests. Some of them are like that. He might have been looking for specific items or monsters at those locations. I hated those, but they were necessary for a lot of things. Most play was supposed to revolve around up-to-6-player groups killing monsters.


Whatever it was, he enjoyed it, and unlike others here, I wasn't going to try and tell him what counted as a "legitimate" hobby...
 
2013-03-06 05:03:13 PM

Mikey1969: Perlin Noise: Mikey1969: For it to be a semantic argument, you'd have to actually be correct about the definition of a "hobby" in the first farkking place

Wow, that's a lot of anger about a definition, friend.

However, thank you for the clarification. I'm not sure why my post made you so mad, but I apologize. I don't mean to contradict that definition, it's just that I more often hear hobby in the context of more productive activities. That is not to say that non-productive activities are in some way bad.

Also, if you would look up the word pastime ...you may find what I meant about semantics

You don't understand why people get annoyed when you start badmouthing the way they spend their free time? Seriously?

Let me type more slowly: People don't like smug jersey inferring that their chosen hobby is somehow more lowbrow than whatever the smug jerk has put their own personal seal of approval on.


uh.... actually, what I don't understand is how people can jump to conclusions sometimes... that badmouthing thing... when did i do that exactly? All I was wondering is when (I did not even say why) did video gaming start being referred to as a hobby.

Baseball is the "national pastime". Is that badmouthing it? You just misunderstood, that's all.
 
2013-03-06 05:03:49 PM
Also, he has a harmless hobby but he hid it from her until after they were married. If you found out your partner did something for 20 hours every week that you didn't like or know about until after the wedding that would be pretty annoying. I don't get why you'd hide such a significant part of your life from someone you want ot marry.
 
2013-03-06 05:05:47 PM
I'm not a gamer, but the guys I'm attracted to usually are.

Game addictions (like any addictions) are one thing, but really, as hobbies go, a guy (or girl) can do a lot worse. This woman needs to quit her biatchin.' Her husband's game habits seem pretty tame to me, and if she loves him, she might consider getting to understand his interests better. I'm sure she expects the same type of effort from him. Like others have said, she could join in. And even if gaming still isn't her thing, I find myself often watching my guys play. That might sound weird, but considering what's on TV these days, it can actually be pretty entertaining at times.

/women like her are the reasons men biatch about women.
//we're not all that high maintenance.
 
2013-03-06 05:05:48 PM

Carth: If my partner spent 20 hours a week at bars I'd wonder if they had a drinking problem. Why should gaming be treated differently? If he isn't addicted he should be able to stop for a few weeks to show her that then go back to playing.


Once again, people willpark it in front of the TV for 4-5 hours a night also, yet that's not a "problem"? Also, that 10-20 hours of gaming is AT HOME, not out at the bars.
 
2013-03-06 05:06:03 PM
Let him play and be ready with steaks and blow jobs in between games. That's like, two jobs and one of them doesn't require any preparation.
 
2013-03-06 05:06:28 PM

DontMakeMeComeBackThere: Have you ever walked up to someone reading a book to ask a question and were told "Not now!  I'm in the middle of a chapter!"


All the time at my house!  My husband and I have a rule - if you're within the last 50 pages of a book, you can tell the other person to go away until you finish your story.
 
2013-03-06 05:06:38 PM

Perlin Noise: Mikey1969: Perlin Noise: Mikey1969: For it to be a semantic argument, you'd have to actually be correct about the definition of a "hobby" in the first farkking place

Wow, that's a lot of anger about a definition, friend.

However, thank you for the clarification. I'm not sure why my post made you so mad, but I apologize. I don't mean to contradict that definition, it's just that I more often hear hobby in the context of more productive activities. That is not to say that non-productive activities are in some way bad.

Also, if you would look up the word pastime ...you may find what I meant about semantics

You don't understand why people get annoyed when you start badmouthing the way they spend their free time? Seriously?

Let me type more slowly: People don't like smug jersey inferring that their chosen hobby is somehow more lowbrow than whatever the smug jerk has put their own personal seal of approval on.

uh.... actually, what I don't understand is how people can jump to conclusions sometimes... that badmouthing thing... when did i do that exactly? All I was wondering is when (I did not even say why) did video gaming start being referred to as a hobby.

Baseball is the "national pastime". Is that badmouthing it? You just misunderstood, that's all.


When it fit the provided definition of a "hobby".
 
2013-03-06 05:06:49 PM
Instead of hiding your gaming hobby from your potential mate out of fear of being thought of too nerdy, you drop that person and go out and find someone who has the same interest in gaming as you do. That way not only you don't have to hide it anymore, you have potential gaming partner.
 
2013-03-06 05:07:17 PM

Carth: If my partner spent 20 hours a week at bars I'd wonder if they had a drinking problem. Why should gaming be treated differently? If he isn't addicted he should be able to stop for a few weeks to show her that then go back to playing.


Not really a fair comparison.  How about if you're partner had 10 to 20 beers a week?  Would that person have a drinking problem?
 
2013-03-06 05:07:47 PM

Carth: I don't get why you'd hide such a significant part of your life from someone you want ot marry.


I'd say it probably has something to do with all of the uptight farks on here. She even stated as much in her letter: He was afraid she'd think that he was a "geek".
 
2013-03-06 05:08:18 PM

Theaetetus: I'm not willing to leave him over it; how can I get him to stop or change my own attitude to accept it? (For clarification, I have no suspicions of any online infidelity-it just bothers me that he spends his leisure time gaming instead of reading a book, watching TV with me, etc.)

You could pick up a controller every once in a while, rather than sitting on your ass watching TV, you know.


I made the mistake of introducing my wife to World of Warcraft (she's a bit Disney as far as violence, so this game fit nicely).

Fast forward to a few arguments we had about playing the game, a few fights she had with various guilds, and it was *me* to had to intervene with her online gaming addiction (I think Penny's game addiction in the Big Bang Theory was right on spot).

That being said, instead of giving me crap for it (which she initially did), she realized it was something *I* enjoyed, so she decided to pick it up... Turns out she liked it more than I did.

-She's a great wife (and no, she's not over my shoulder as I type this).

We've decided that since we're about to have our first kid, we'd give up the game and not start any new ones... She constantly asks our mutual friend about the game though. -It's really kinda funny.
 
2013-03-06 05:08:27 PM

fawlty: you're


you're? farking you're? really? goddammitsomuch!
 
2013-03-06 05:09:00 PM

Carth: If my partner spent 20 hours a week at bars I'd wonder if they had a drinking problem. Why should gaming be treated differently? If he isn't addicted he should be able to stop for a few weeks to show her that then go back to playing.


Wow. I can't tell if you're trolling, but 20 hours at bars is WAY different than 20 hours in front of the TV. That's not even that much. Less than 3 hours per day. Shiat, I've gamed for 7 hours straight on a Saturday before. Besides that, so WHAT if he's "addicted"? Why does he have to stop being who he is for her? She should just go "oh, ok" and join a book club, not try to change it. It's not harming anything.


Dirtybird971: DontMakeMeComeBackThere

Adolf Oliver Nipples: She probably watches more TV or reads more than that every week. What's the difference?

Playing Devil's advocate: reading or watching TV are not as "exclusive" an activity as video games are. Have you ever walked up to someone reading a book to ask a question and were told "Not now! I'm in the middle of a chapter!" Video games can be seen much more as a solitary, I'm-ignoring-you activity - thus the feeling of abandonment by the non-playing party.

TMYK

To me it's not any different than someone who spends all their time looking at their phone and texting or doing whatever..

OMGTHIS.

My younger sister never understood how I could be 87 hours into a save file of FFIX, in fact I think she called it BORING, but she was constantly IMing people on AIM. SAME EFFING THING, only I get the satisfaction of being a perfectionist/completist with every item synthed by the time I'm done, and you're STILL talking about Bobby's dreamy eyes.

tell me more about my eyes...

/BB


 And BB stands for...? Baby blues? Must be more clear. This is teh interwebs, a place for concise discussion and perfectly clear sentences.
 
2013-03-06 05:09:02 PM

Mikey1969: Carth: If my partner spent 20 hours a week at bars I'd wonder if they had a drinking problem. Why should gaming be treated differently? If he isn't addicted he should be able to stop for a few weeks to show her that then go back to playing.

Once again, people willpark it in front of the TV for 4-5 hours a night also, yet that's not a "problem"? Also, that 10-20 hours of gaming is AT HOME, not out at the bars.


Well, i think plenty of people are addicted to tv as well but that is a different thread. The problem is really he is doing something she has no interest in and he hid it from her until after they were married. Whether it be gaming, drinking, exercising or playing hopscotch you shouldn't hide something you spend hours a day doing from the person you're going to marry.
 
2013-03-06 05:10:24 PM

fawlty: Carth: If my partner spent 20 hours a week at bars I'd wonder if they had a drinking problem. Why should gaming be treated differently? If he isn't addicted he should be able to stop for a few weeks to show her that then go back to playing.

Not really a fair comparison.  How about if you're partner had 10 to 20 beers a week?  Would that person have a drinking problem?


10-20 beers a week and can't stop? God yes. Especially if they hid their drinking until after we were married.
 
2013-03-06 05:10:52 PM

Gifted Many Few: I do find people that read a lot more educated than a hobby gamer.


People who read a lot. Who, not that.

/educated
 
2013-03-06 05:11:44 PM

Nem Wan: Let him play and be ready with steaks and blow jobs in between games. That's like, two jobs and one of them doesn't require any preparation.


Untrue- A glass of water is always helpful, and if I don't have one handy, (*snerk* I said "handy") it's not as good.
 
2013-03-06 05:11:45 PM

J. Frank Parnell: She wishes he'd watch more TV instead? Because passively staring at a screen is so much better, right?

Really says something for the sad state of things when watching TV is considered doing something together.


No she'd rather he watch the shows she's watching anyway. She if they don't do the same things at the same time, while wearing the same thing then they don't really love each other.  It has nothing to do with the quality of the time they spend together, only that they be together, every minute of every day, no mater what, forever.
 
2013-03-06 05:11:47 PM
Only 10-20 hours?  What a farking amateur.  I play around double that on every given week.  My husband is also a gamer and I play far more than him.  He knew this about me before we even went on a first date.

No way this marriage isn't going to end in divorce.  This guy is an idiot, and the wife is a control freak.  Sounds like the dude was probably desperate to find someone, ANYONE, to marry, even if the woman was a biatch, because otherwise he'd be Forever Alone.  Never a good idea.
 
2013-03-06 05:12:44 PM
skozlaw:
/ some women get very annoyed at men's hobbies that require concentration because it means they don't get constant attention themselves
// these women, if they can't be made to get over it, should be dumped/divorced ASAP because it will only be a constant source of simmering resentment


I had this issue with the most recent ex and my hobby, writing (similar to gaming in that it's a solitary activity that requires intense concentration with even less of a social aspect). The two share that soft addiction quality as well. If I don't do it for a while I feel unproductive. When I've hit a stride and the story is moving forward I don't want to put it down. We had a lot of conversations unfold as follows:

"I think I'm going to write tonight."

"But  I wantto see you."

"Ok, I'll text you when I'm wrapping up. You can come over."

"It'll be  late. We'll just have drinks and go to bed."

"Alright, well something after work then and I'll write after."

"But Iwant to stay the  night.I want to spend more  time with you. What if I came over while you were writing?"

"Well I guess you could watch?"

This would happen after we'd spent the whole night prior together and a few others a week and weekends. I didn't neglect her. I called. We did things on regular basis. She just couldn't stand my attention elsewhere for an extended time. Elsewhere included: conversations of more than ten minutes with women of equal or greater beauty, football season, books and writing, friends she did not know/like, bar trivia, grading papers, etc.

Had to call that off when she used a locksmith to break into my house at three in the morning because I wasn't answering my phone. At three in the morning on a week night.

/long post is long.
//needy people are needy.
///venting is cathartic.
 
2013-03-06 05:13:35 PM

Carth: fawlty: Carth: If my partner spent 20 hours a week at bars I'd wonder if they had a drinking problem. Why should gaming be treated differently? If he isn't addicted he should be able to stop for a few weeks to show her that then go back to playing.

Not really a fair comparison.  How about if you're partner had 10 to 20 beers a week?  Would that person have a drinking problem?

10-20 beers a week and can't stop? God yes. Especially if they hid their drinking until after we were married.


2 beers a day is actually the recommended amount for good health by many sources.  I'll agree with the "can't stop" part but jesus H christ.
 
2013-03-06 05:15:34 PM
Perhaps a compromise might be in order -- the husband can spend less time gaming each week and the wife can spend less time adding sand to her vaj.
 
2013-03-06 05:16:48 PM

bacchanalias and consequences: skozlaw:
/ some women get very annoyed at men's hobbies that require concentration because it means they don't get constant attention themselves
// these women, if they can't be made to get over it, should be dumped/divorced ASAP because it will only be a constant source of simmering resentment

I had this issue with the most recent ex and my hobby, writing (similar to gaming in that it's a solitary activity that requires intense concentration with even less of a social aspect). The two share that soft addiction quality as well. If I don't do it for a while I feel unproductive. When I've hit a stride and the story is moving forward I don't want to put it down. We had a lot of conversations unfold as follows:

"I think I'm going to write tonight."

"But  I wantto see you."

"Ok, I'll text you when I'm wrapping up. You can come over."

"It'll be  late. We'll just have drinks and go to bed."

"Alright, well something after work then and I'll write after."

"But Iwant to stay the  night.I want to spend more  time with you. What if I came over while you were writing?"

"Well I guess you could watch?"

This would happen after we'd spent the whole night prior together and a few others a week and weekends. I didn't neglect her. I called. We did things on regular basis. She just couldn't stand my attention elsewhere for an extended time. Elsewhere included: conversations of more than ten minutes with women of equal or greater beauty, football season, books and writing, friends she did not know/like, bar trivia, grading papers, etc.

Had to call that off when she used a locksmith to break into my house at three in the morning because I wasn't answering my phone. At three in the morning on a week night.

/long post is long.
//needy people are needy.
///venting is cathartic.


I bet she thought she could cure you of your writing habbit
 
2013-03-06 05:16:59 PM
If
Carth:

If my partner spent 20 hours a week at bars I'd wonder if they had a drinking problem. Why should gaming be treated differently? If he isn't addicted he should be able to stop for a few weeks to show her that then go back to playing.

If your partner spent that much time at the bar and not with you maybe drinking isn't his problem. If she loved him he wouldn't have to stop for a few weeks because she allowed him to do what he wants to and finds enjoyable.  Why the fark do some women think men should do things they don't want to for them or it means he doesn't love them?   I went through a terrible relationship with one of these horrible women and she just wouldn't listen when I said I wasn't doing her stupid honey-do's if I didn't feel like it. I would  never ask her to jump through hoops to reassure myself of her love every damn time I felt needy and insecure.
 
2013-03-06 05:18:34 PM

bacchanalias and consequences: skozlaw:
/ some women get very annoyed at men's hobbies that require concentration because it means they don't get constant attention themselves
// these women, if they can't be made to get over it, should be dumped/divorced ASAP because it will only be a constant source of simmering resentment

I had this issue with the most recent ex and my hobby, writing (similar to gaming in that it's a solitary activity that requires intense concentration with even less of a social aspect). The two share that soft addiction quality as well. If I don't do it for a while I feel unproductive. When I've hit a stride and the story is moving forward I don't want to put it down. We had a lot of conversations unfold as follows:

"I think I'm going to write tonight."

"But  I wantto see you."

"Ok, I'll text you when I'm wrapping up. You can come over."

"It'll be  late. We'll just have drinks and go to bed."

"Alright, well something after work then and I'll write after."

"But Iwant to stay the  night.I want to spend more  time with you. What if I came over while you were writing?"

"Well I guess you could watch?"

This would happen after we'd spent the whole night prior together and a few others a week and weekends. I didn't neglect her. I called. We did things on regular basis. She just couldn't stand my attention elsewhere for an extended time. Elsewhere included: conversations of more than ten minutes with women of equal or greater beauty, football season, books and writing, friends she did not know/like, bar trivia, grading papers, etc.

Had to call that off when she used a locksmith to break into my house at three in the morning because I wasn't answering my phone. At three in the morning on a week night.

/long post is long.
//needy people are needy.
///venting is cathartic.


DEAR GOD, was her name Samantha?

My man sounds just like you- he's written several short stories and keeps up a blog with pieces of stories and author interviews 3x a week. His ex (he dumped her last august) was one of those. Even though they LIVED TOGETHER. She quilted- that was her hobby, but she'd whine and whine when he wasn't spending time with her. And he ran a D&D game at his buddy's house too- when he'd go without her once a week, she'd biatch at him via text until he came home. If he brought her with, she'd sigh the whole time and want to go home.

Now? He writes and edits for hours, and I hang out on my kindle or game in the other room. He's a talented writer and I like my space too. When we got together he had to "get used to" the idea that I have FRIENDS and I visit them WITHOUT HIM. Sad.
 
2013-03-06 05:18:47 PM

Gifted Many Few: I do find people that read a lot more educated than a hobby gamer.


So, if I read Twilight I am educated now?

I would rather be a moron I guess and play turn based strategy games....
 
2013-03-06 05:19:33 PM

Nem Wan: Let him play and be ready with steaks and blow jobs in between games. That's like, two jobs and one of them doesn't require any preparation.


  Lol, woman, I have one hand on my gaming mouse and the other appears to be sammichless. What the hell?
 
2013-03-06 05:22:38 PM
I wrote this as a response in the comments. Got some likes, luckily most people seem to be sane in the comments.

"LW1- Start gaming with your husband! My husband and I game together all the time. We have played through all the Halo games and Gears of War games co-op together, as well as Portal 2, Borderlands 1 and 2, Star Trek Online, City of Heroes, and on and on. We also have different tastes in games, so I have watched him play Uncharted 1-3, Asura's Wrath and he just Started the new Tomb Raider last night. He has watched me play Skyrim, Dragon Age 1 and 2, and parts of both BioShock games. I assume he will probably want to watch some of BioShock Infinite when I get my preorder in a few weeks.

My main point is that you can do things together and find common hobbies or complain and be miserable. We were lucky in that we shared a lot of similar hobbies, including the love of games, but we don't share everything. I use the time I have by myself when he is playing a game I am not interested in or when he is messing around with other stuff to watch movies or TV shows that he may not like, or to read or play a game on my 3DS or something."
 
2013-03-06 05:24:00 PM

bacchanalias and consequences: Had to call that off when she used a locksmith to break into my house at three in the morning because I wasn't answering my phone. At three in the morning on a week night.

/long post is long.
//needy people are needy.
///venting is cathartic.


Hoollllyyy crap that's kind of crazy.
 
2013-03-06 05:24:07 PM

cgraves67: It's certainly possible to balance work, marriage, kids, and video games. Just be ready to accept that you're going to be reviled as a "casual gamer" in any hardcore gamer community.


This. I'm terrible and I don't care, don't play with me if you can't deal with it.
 
2013-03-06 05:24:58 PM

Burr: Gifted Many Few: I do find people that read a lot more educated than a hobby gamer.

So, if I read Twilight I am educated now?

I would rather be a moron I guess and play turn based strategy games....


Now I have want to play FF Tactics again.
 
2013-03-06 05:26:48 PM

Carth: If my partner spent 20 hours a week at bars I'd wonder if they had a drinking problem. Why should gaming be treated differently? If he isn't addicted he should be able to stop for a few weeks to show her that then go back to playing.


You may wonder but if the facts don't support it then what?  A lot of people spend a lot of time at bars because local bars always have entertaining things to do besides drink like socializing with friends and coworkers.  You're kind of doing the same thing the person in the article is doing.  Taking an activity that some are very addicted to and applying your preconceived notions about it to everyone.

From what I can gather from the story it's not an excessive amount and she really has no other complaints aside from:  "Not What I Like"tm
 
2013-03-06 05:27:49 PM

Perlin Noise: Mikey1969: For it to be a semantic argument, you'd have to actually be correct about the definition of a "hobby" in the first farkking place

Wow, that's a lot of anger about a definition, friend.

However, thank you for the clarification. I'm not sure why my post made you so mad, but I apologize. I don't mean to contradict that definition, it's just that I more often hear hobby in the context of more productive activities. That is not to say that non-productive activities are in some way bad.

Also, if you would look up the word pastime ...you may find what I meant about semantics


pas·time/ˈpasˌtīm/NounAn activity that someone does regularly for enjoyment rather than work; a hobby. IMHO, gaming is a "productive activity".  Players earn achievements, accomplish goals, create camaraderie, etc.  Sure, they might be intangible, but they are rewards nonetheless.
 
2013-03-06 05:30:27 PM

IRQ12: Carth: If my partner spent 20 hours a week at bars I'd wonder if they had a drinking problem. Why should gaming be treated differently? If he isn't addicted he should be able to stop for a few weeks to show her that then go back to playing.


From what I can gather from the story it's not an excessive amount and she really has no other complaints aside from:  "Not What I Like"tm


Well that and the fact he hid it from her until after they were married.
 
2013-03-06 05:31:15 PM

JadeGL: I wrote this as a response in the comments. Got some likes, luckily most people seem to be sane in the comments.

"LW1- Start gaming with your husband! My husband and I game together all the time. We have played through all the Halo games and Gears of War games co-op together, as well as Portal 2, Borderlands 1 and 2, Star Trek Online, City of Heroes, and on and on. We also have different tastes in games, so I have watched him play Uncharted 1-3, Asura's Wrath and he just Started the new Tomb Raider last night. He has watched me play Skyrim, Dragon Age 1 and 2, and parts of both BioShock games. I assume he will probably want to watch some of BioShock Infinite when I get my preorder in a few weeks.

My main point is that you can do things together and find common hobbies or complain and be miserable. We were lucky in that we shared a lot of similar hobbies, including the love of games, but we don't share everything. I use the time I have by myself when he is playing a game I am not interested in or when he is messing around with other stuff to watch movies or TV shows that he may not like, or to read or play a game on my 3DS or something."


I'd rather not compromise because the inverse is me having to wander aimlessly through stores saying "that's cute" and "ohh look 20% off",  going to the spa for some r&r,  then come home and watch a romantic comedy or two.

"....but I won't do that!"
 
2013-03-06 05:32:20 PM

Carth: If my partner spent 20 hours a week at bars I'd wonder if they had a drinking problem. Why should gaming be treated differently? If he isn't addicted he should be able to stop for a few weeks to show her that then go back to playing.


I would think that all human beings need at least 10-20 hours a week to do whatever it is that they like to do. Me time.

If that's drinking, it's potentially destructive. If that's something otherwise harmless, like swimming, working on old cars, making fine desserts, or playing video games, this lady needs to EABD. Seriously, where do these guys find these nagging, demanding women?
 
2013-03-06 05:34:23 PM

L.D. Ablo: NightSteel: There are plenty of other habits that could be in place of 'video games' here. What if the guy was a gearhead and liked to work on his project car every day?

10-20 hours a week is equivalent to about 1.5-3 hours per day. It'd be like watching a movie or a ballgame every evening. That's really not so much.

There's a huge difference.

Someone who knows how to wrench can make a business out of it.  Restore that old car and you can monetize its sale.  You could start a business restoring cars.  You end up with something of value and that value can be transferred to someone else.

I've had a longtime hobby that's becoming a career in my semi-retirement.

Had I spent the past 15 years playing games, I wouldn't have shiat.

You can't take 100 hours of gameplay and sell it or give it to someone.  100 hours in my shop produces tangible goods that can be used or sold.

Videogames are a waste of life.


Video games got me interested in programming.  Programming got me a real job when I couldn't land an engineering job in a very soft market in the early 90s.  Today, I make a lot of money running a very large database for a very large company.  Oh, and I still spend a lot of time playing videogames.

Video games are a pretty good tool for teaching quick response tactics.  They are a great tool for teaching strategic thinking.  They have even been shown to help develop hand-eye coordination--something that surgeon trainers are just now figuring out.   Perhaps your assertions are mistaken.

I think you'll find a great many game players among computer professionals.  I know I certainly have a fair amount in my shop.
 
2013-03-06 05:34:44 PM
I dont game nearly as much now that I am married. Between work, sleep, and actually paying attention to her, there are only so many hours left in the day. However, I had a snow day today and spent most of it playing Baldurs Gate II while she did some work for a class. It's been a good day!
 
2013-03-06 05:35:00 PM

IRQ12: JadeGL: I wrote this as a response in the comments. Got some likes, luckily most people seem to be sane in the comments.

"LW1- Start gaming with your husband! My husband and I game together all the time. We have played through all the Halo games and Gears of War games co-op together, as well as Portal 2, Borderlands 1 and 2, Star Trek Online, City of Heroes, and on and on. We also have different tastes in games, so I have watched him play Uncharted 1-3, Asura's Wrath and he just Started the new Tomb Raider last night. He has watched me play Skyrim, Dragon Age 1 and 2, and parts of both BioShock games. I assume he will probably want to watch some of BioShock Infinite when I get my preorder in a few weeks.

My main point is that you can do things together and find common hobbies or complain and be miserable. We were lucky in that we shared a lot of similar hobbies, including the love of games, but we don't share everything. I use the time I have by myself when he is playing a game I am not interested in or when he is messing around with other stuff to watch movies or TV shows that he may not like, or to read or play a game on my 3DS or something."

I'd rather not compromise because the inverse is me having to wander aimlessly through stores saying "that's cute" and "ohh look 20% off",  going to the spa for some r&r,  then come home and watch a romantic comedy or two.

"....but I won't do that!"


Get her to watch Firefly with you. AWESOME nerdy thing you love, and Mal and Jayne are eye candy. Plus, Kaylee is just adorable and she'll love her.

Other than that, you poor soul. I don't even like ro-com's unless they're Apatow/Smith level of profane.
 
2013-03-06 05:35:48 PM

freewill: Carth: If my partner spent 20 hours a week at bars I'd wonder if they had a drinking problem. Why should gaming be treated differently? If he isn't addicted he should be able to stop for a few weeks to show her that then go back to playing.

I would think that all human beings need at least 10-20 hours a week to do whatever it is that they like to do. Me time.

If that's drinking, it's potentially destructive. If that's something otherwise harmless, like swimming, working on old cars, making fine desserts, or playing video games, this lady needs to EABD. Seriously, where do these guys find these nagging, demanding women?


eHarmony.
 
2013-03-06 05:36:24 PM

Carth: IRQ12: Carth: If my partner spent 20 hours a week at bars I'd wonder if they had a drinking problem. Why should gaming be treated differently? If he isn't addicted he should be able to stop for a few weeks to show her that then go back to playing.


From what I can gather from the story it's not an excessive amount and she really has no other complaints aside from:  "Not What I Like"tm

Well that and the fact he hid it from her until after they were married.


Heh, I am sure he is regretting the heck out of that right now.  I doubt it was literally hidden from her, it was probably just something he didn't do.  Just like every other things guys/gals don't do early in a relationship.

We don't know for sure but I can gather she hid her being a shrew until after they were married.
 
2013-03-06 05:38:30 PM

IRQ12: Carth: IRQ12: Carth: If my partner spent 20 hours a week at bars I'd wonder if they had a drinking problem. Why should gaming be treated differently? If he isn't addicted he should be able to stop for a few weeks to show her that then go back to playing.


From what I can gather from the story it's not an excessive amount and she really has no other complaints aside from:  "Not What I Like"tm

Well that and the fact he hid it from her until after they were married.

Heh, I am sure he is regretting the heck out of that right now.  I doubt it was literally hidden from her, it was probably just something he didn't do.  Just like every other things guys/gals don't do early in a relationship.

We don't know for sure but I can gather she hid her being a shrew until after they were married.


shiat like this is a perfect example why people should live together at least a year before getting married. He's an idiot for not just saying he likes to play video games and she is too damn needy to live with.
 
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