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(Abilene Reporter-News)   'Big deal' say flyers allowed by the TSA to now carry small knives on planes, knowing full well you don't bring a penknife to a fight with whatever is now presumably allowed in the cockpit   (reporternews.com) divider line 109
    More: Followup, TSA, Pat O'Brien, airline passengers, Durango, sports equipment, shrugs  
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3408 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Mar 2013 at 11:03 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-06 11:05:44 AM
(featured partner)
 
2013-03-06 11:06:21 AM
WTF? over,
 
2013-03-06 11:07:04 AM
So let me get this straight. They cut the budget that is supposed to make it harder to get through security at airports. Then they reintroduce something that was supposed to be a security risk. So now they are going to be stopping people and measuring knifes to make sure they are okey to carry. Actually manufacturing a delay.

I see what they did there.
 
2013-03-06 11:15:10 AM
I read that headline three times and decided the submitter and greenliter are both assholes
 
2013-03-06 11:16:16 AM
So the TSA still thinks a box cutter is dangerous, but you can have a hockey stick!?!?!?!?

Let me ask you this, Mr TSA admin, if we were going to fight and you could choose one of these weapons which would you take? I would certainly take the hockey stick.

I fark HATE the tsa. They are clearly incompetent.
 
2013-03-06 11:16:51 AM
On airplanes, I just beat would-be terrorists and evil-doers senseless with my massive penis. I don't need no stinkin' knife.
 
2013-03-06 11:17:48 AM

Anthracite: So let me get this straight. They cut the budget that is supposed to make it harder to get through security at airports. Then they reintroduce something that was supposed to be a security risk. So now they are going to be stopping people and measuring knifes to make sure they are okey to carry. Actually manufacturing a delay.

I see what they did there.


So, this will make traveling through airports more difficult at exactly the time that the white house is looking to pin blame for the sequester on their enemies?  Creating a hassle that will be experienced by tens of thousands and be easily pointed out by the DNC?  IT's kind of brilliant.
 
2013-03-06 11:24:17 AM
Is this is a quote of an onion article? It seems like a quote from an onion article.
 
2013-03-06 11:26:02 AM
Now that TSA is firmly established and migrating away from airports into other forms of transportation, they can now start allowing stuff that was never really a threat back on board planes. Anyone that tries to hijack a plane now is going to get their head stomped in anyway.
 
2013-03-06 11:26:35 AM
"Aviation security consultant John L. Sullivan agreed with O'Brien, saying a pen or toothbrush can be sharpened like the "shivs" inmates sometimes make in prison."

I figured this out on day one.
 
2013-03-06 11:28:57 AM
But your shoes are still the most dangerous instrument of warfare since the Death Star.
 
2013-03-06 11:30:32 AM

Sudlow: Now that TSA is firmly established and migrating away from airports into other forms of transportation, they can now start allowing stuff that was never really a threat back on board planes. Anyone that tries to hijack a plane now is going to get their head stomped in anyway.


I was actually stopped by one of their security teams while trying to drive across a bridge.  It was farking surreal and all papers please.

/as I was stopped two cruiser loads worth of sheriff deputies arrived and started screaming "WTF are you doing?" at the TSA
//I took the opening to drive off
 
2013-03-06 11:31:19 AM
At least we are still safe from shampoo.
 
2013-03-06 11:31:46 AM
I'm guessing they grabbed a hat and bunch of words written in pieces of paper, and just took three at random.

"Well, here's the next items that will be allowed on flight... Pottery magazines, lube, and ant farms".
 
2013-03-06 11:32:21 AM
This presumes I will ever again fly on TSA/Homeland Security regulated cattle car airlines.

/never
//never never
 
2013-03-06 11:34:36 AM
"The changes announced by the TSA Tuesday take effect April 25. Box cutters, razor blades and knives that don't fold or that have molded grip handles will still be prohibited."

Knives have handles.  Are knives that have handles manufactured by an injection molding process inherently more dangerous than a handle manufactured by a CNC machining process?
 
2013-03-06 11:38:11 AM
People that fly have it so tough. They should hire more janitors to mop up those tears in the terminal.
 
2013-03-06 11:38:35 AM
Sounds like a setup for a bad Steven Segal movie.
 
2013-03-06 11:39:41 AM
I just flew out of a smaller regional airport outside of Chicago to Florida, and unbeknownst to me, I had my mace in my purse and had forgot to take it out. Made it through every scanner and checkpoint just fine.

TSAFAIL
 
2013-03-06 11:40:16 AM

Erebus1954: At least we are still safe from shampoo.


And bottles of Dihydrogen Monoxide.
 
2013-03-06 11:40:42 AM
Why don't they just equip all planes with some gas that knocks everyone unconscious? In the event someone tries to breech the cabin, pilots hit the gas, wear masks, take the plane to the nearest runway with police, fbi, etc waiting.
 
2013-03-06 11:41:42 AM

Clemkadidlefark: This presumes I will ever again fly on TSA/Homeland Security regulated cattle car airlines.

/never
//never never


Exactly.
 
2013-03-06 11:43:42 AM

SpectroBoy: So the TSA still thinks a box cutter is dangerous, but you can have a hockey stick!?!?!?!?

Let me ask you this, Mr TSA admin, if we were going to fight and you could choose one of these weapons which would you take? I would certainly take the hockey stick.


I would take four ounces of toothpaste, with which clearly I could create weapons of mass destruction.
 
2013-03-06 11:46:21 AM

SpectroBoy: So the TSA still thinks a box cutter is dangerous, but you can have a hockey stick!?!?!?!?

Let me ask you this, Mr TSA admin, if we were going to fight and you could choose one of these weapons which would you take? I would certainly take the hockey stick.

I fark HATE the tsa. They are clearly incompetent.


Actually, they don't. I haven't read this specific article so I don't know if it's mentioned here, but the TSA commented about box cutters saying that they carry too much emotional weight for the TSA to allow them  through security without people losing their shiat.

Also of note is that the flight attendents' union was complaining about this move saying it makes the flight more dangerous for them. My response is so what? The safety rules aren't for you, they're to prevent a hijacking, and that's it.
 
2013-03-06 11:47:06 AM
I'm just stcking with my policy of ordering a triple straight whiskey as soon as I sit down, it lets the crew know I'm not going to be any trouble on this flight.
 
2013-03-06 11:49:21 AM

ambienAnnie: I just flew out of a smaller regional airport outside of Chicago to Florida, and unbeknownst to me, I had my mace in my purse and had forgot to take it out. Made it through every scanner and checkpoint just fine.

TSAFAIL


CSB time:

I flew home from Africa a few months ago. They have cops with AKs in the airports. I got the full screening, walked through the metal detector, and was clear. 

Then I realized I had forgotten something in my ride's car. I ran back outside (with all my bags; you do NOT leave things sitting in African airports), grabbed my forgotten thing, and came back in. When I got back to security, the guy saw me and said 'oh...he's good, he already went through' and just...waved me in.

But TSA won't let me have toothpaste.

Surely the balance lies somewhere between these two extremes?
 
2013-03-06 11:50:10 AM

Clemkadidlefark: This presumes I will ever again fly on TSA/Homeland Security regulated cattle car airlines.

/never
//never never


I'd like to make a blanket ban, but if you want to take a weekend trip from the east coast or visit the west coast at all, you've pretty much got one option.  My policy is I avoid flying whenever possible, but I'm not going to skip a trip I want to take because the TSA are farkwads.
 
2013-03-06 11:51:10 AM
Explosives, guns and some liquids ( such as ammonia and bleach) should be banned. No one is going to be able to hijack a plane with a knife, box cutter or even a sword anymore.
 
2013-03-06 11:54:46 AM

SpectroBoy: Let me ask you this, Mr TSA admin, if we were going to fight and you could choose one of these weapons which would you take? I would certainly take the hockey stick.


Why is anyone taking a hockey stick as a carry on item anyway?  I mean other than to piss off all the other people trying to fit stuff into the overhead bins.
 
2013-03-06 11:55:50 AM

tylerdurden217: Why don't they just equip all planes with some gas that knocks everyone unconscious? In the event someone tries to breech the cabin, pilots hit the gas, wear masks, take the plane to the nearest runway with police, fbi, etc waiting.


I like the way you think. But with the way the sky waiters knee jerk react to things, they may as well just gas everyone when they come in.

No chances.
 
2013-03-06 11:56:39 AM
It's nice to know bumbling ineptitude can bring down even Security TheaterTM
 
2013-03-06 11:57:38 AM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: SpectroBoy: Let me ask you this, Mr TSA admin, if we were going to fight and you could choose one of these weapons which would you take? I would certainly take the hockey stick.

Why is anyone taking a hockey stick as a carry on item anyway?  I mean other than to piss off all the other people trying to fit stuff into the overhead bins.


Probably some Canadian with his limited-edition, signed by a Wayne Gretzky lookalike stick.
 
2013-03-06 11:57:52 AM
WooHoo! Now I can commence to ma whittlin'!

www.likecool.com
 
2013-03-06 11:58:48 AM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Why is anyone taking a hockey stick as a carry on item anyway?


Protects it from the baggage monkeys.
 
2013-03-06 11:59:00 AM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: SpectroBoy: Let me ask you this, Mr TSA admin, if we were going to fight and you could choose one of these weapons which would you take? I would certainly take the hockey stick.

Why is anyone taking a hockey stick as a carry on item anyway?  I mean other than to piss off all the other people trying to fit stuff into the overhead bins.


I would go for a golf club. Take a club with a steel shaft, remove the head and sharpen the end of the shaft. Attach a point or blade, possibly. Then weakly re-attach the head. Once on board, remove the head and now you have a 4 foot stabbing implement to play with. Honestly, that's a bit frightening if you think about it, but I'm so glad that boxcutters are still prohibited.
 
2013-03-06 11:59:10 AM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Why is anyone taking a hockey stick as a carry on item anyway?  I mean other than to piss off all the other people trying to fit stuff into the overhead bins.


The way the baggage handlers throw luggage around with no accountability. I can understand why people won't trust the hired help to not break things.
 
2013-03-06 11:59:33 AM

SpectroBoy: So the TSA still thinks a box cutter is dangerous, but you can have a hockey stick!?!?!?!?

Let me ask you this, Mr TSA admin, if we were going to fight and you could choose one of these weapons which would you take? I would certainly take the hockey stick.

I fark HATE the tsa. They are clearly incompetent.


In an enclosed space like an airplane cabin, you might certainly be making the wrong choice...

/Not defending the TSA
//Just sayin'
 
2013-03-06 12:00:49 PM

tylerdurden217: Why don't they just equip all planes with some gas that knocks everyone unconscious? In the event someone tries to breech the cabin, pilots hit the gas, wear masks, take the plane to the nearest runway with police, fbi, etc waiting.


I like the idea, but I can think of a dozen things off the top of my head that could go wrong with this cunning plan.
 
2013-03-06 12:01:16 PM
When did the UFC move from the octagon to the steel tube anyways?
 
2013-03-06 12:02:09 PM

tylerdurden217: Why don't they just equip all planes with some gas that knocks everyone unconscious? In the event someone tries to breech the cabin, pilots hit the gas, wear masks, take the plane to the nearest runway with police, fbi, etc waiting.


You know, the pilots already have a button they can push that will knock everyone in the plane unconscious...   Lawyers will never let them do it though.
 
2013-03-06 12:02:40 PM

Gifted Many Few: tylerdurden217: Why don't they just equip all planes with some gas that knocks everyone unconscious? In the event someone tries to breech the cabin, pilots hit the gas, wear masks, take the plane to the nearest runway with police, fbi, etc waiting.

I like the way you think. But with the way the sky waiters knee jerk react to things, they may as well just gas everyone when they come in.

No chances.


Why wait for a hijacking. Just knock out with gas all the passengers prior to take off. There's no need for any beverages or snacks, and no one complains about the crying baby or uncomfortable seats.
 
2013-03-06 12:02:44 PM

SpectroBoy: So the TSA still thinks a box cutter is dangerous, but you can have a hockey stick!?!?!?!?

Let me ask you this, Mr TSA admin, if we were going to fight and you could choose one of these weapons which would you take? I would certainly take the hockey stick.

I fark HATE the tsa. They are clearly incompetent.


I'll admit that I haven't been on a lot of airplanes, but every one I've been on hasn't been large enough to allow enough room to swing a hockey stick as a weapon. Most of them barely had enough room for me to stand up straight.
 
2013-03-06 12:03:06 PM
Crocodile Dundee approves

deliciouslyfictitious.com
 
2013-03-06 12:03:26 PM

tylerdurden217: Why don't they just equip all planes with some gas that knocks everyone unconscious? In the event someone tries to breech the cabin, pilots hit the gas, wear masks, take the plane to the nearest runway with police, fbi, etc waiting.


"Mr. Data, I want to to flood the cargo bay with anesthizine"
 
2013-03-06 12:05:52 PM
FTA: "While we agree that a passenger wielding a small knife or swinging a golf club or hockey stick poses less of a threat to the pilot locked in the cockpit, these are real threats to passengers and flight attendants in the passenger cabin," the union said in a statement.

If they can list off the number of times (pre-ban/9-11) that a passenger has successfully wielded a swiss army knife, hockey stick, wiffle bat, golf club or pool cue as an in-flight weapon, I'd be happy to make an attempt to stop laughing at their statement.

After that, I'd probably want to see the stats of people successfully using in-flight silverware as weapons to compare.
 
2013-03-06 12:11:23 PM

Clemkadidlefark: This presumes I will ever again fly on TSA/Homeland Security regulated cattle car airlines.

/never
//never never


I'm with you on this one.  The problem is that government agencies never are content with the original reasons for their existence and are always looking to expand their power.  So don't be surprised if someday the TSA is molesting little old ladies and 3 year olds getting on the Greyhound bus or train.  Going to drive to California?  The next step will be for them to stop traffic at the state line so they can molest the old farts and kids, steal, I mean confiscate that bomb in your car disguised as a car stereo, laptop, your daughter's underwear, or whatever else they want.
 
2013-03-06 12:13:07 PM

PaLarkin: Clemkadidlefark: This presumes I will ever again fly on TSA/Homeland Security regulated cattle car airlines.

/never
//never never

I'm with you on this one.  The problem is that government agencies never are content with the original reasons for their existence and are always looking to expand their power.  So don't be surprised if someday the TSA is molesting little old ladies and 3 year olds getting on the Greyhound bus or train.  Going to drive to California?  The next step will be for them to stop traffic at the state line so they can molest the old farts and kids, steal, I mean confiscate that bomb in your car disguised as a car stereo, laptop, your daughter's underwear, or whatever else they want.


Some day? They're already making appearances in DC subway.
 
2013-03-06 12:15:26 PM

PaLarkin: I'm with you on this one.  The problem is that government agencies never are content with the original reasons for their existence and are always looking to expand their power


Agreed. I liked it years ago before mailmen were allowed on my porch. Soon they will be hand delivering to me while taking my guns.
 
2013-03-06 12:18:47 PM
Neither of my edc knives would be allowed on. So glad the planes and helicopters I fly in don't have silly.restrictions. last flight I brought my .444 as carry on
 
2013-03-06 12:20:20 PM

Click Click D'oh: You know, the pilots already have a button they can push that will knock everyone in the plane unconscious...   Lawyers will never let them do it though.


Good point, I guess depressurizing the cabin would do it, but then everyone could conceivably die from hypoxia. I would just want like a mild sedative that would make everyone sleep for 30 min or so. I know it's totally far fetched and some passengers may react adversely to it, but I guess it beats a hijack, 9/11 scenario.
 
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