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(Gawker)   First it was Obama's Magic Time Machine that started the recession. Then it was Obama's Magic Weather Machine that caused Sandy. But I think we all can agree having a Magic Cancer Machine is a bridge to far. He must be stopped   (gawker.com) divider line 67
    More: Amusing, time machines, Hugo Chavez, Maduro, Russia Today, Venezuela, Yasser Arafat, U.S. Air Force, recession  
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2856 clicks; posted to Politics » on 06 Mar 2013 at 11:54 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



67 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-03-06 11:05:21 AM
Shouldn't it be a Magic Chavez Machine?
 
2013-03-06 11:18:59 AM
HAARP: is there anything it can't do?
 
2013-03-06 11:23:59 AM
Wait, he has a Magic Bridge Machine too?
 
2013-03-06 11:30:00 AM
He gave chavez to Cancer?
 
2013-03-06 11:44:08 AM
Pardon my naivete, but I should think it's pretty easy to give someone cancer.

And I wouldn't put it beyond the US's acronym crowd.


/watched 'The Revolution Will Not Be Televised'
 
2013-03-06 11:53:08 AM
If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?
 
2013-03-06 11:55:40 AM
Seal Team Sicks?
 
2013-03-06 11:56:09 AM
"Far" ain't no place I ever heard of.
 
2013-03-06 11:57:00 AM

GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?


It can only give you brain cancer.
 
2013-03-06 11:57:21 AM
Can't wait to see Grandpa Simpso..., er John McCain on the Sunday talk shows expressing "grave concerns" over the implications of the President giving cancer to foreign leaders.
 
2013-03-06 11:57:55 AM
As long as he doesn't go around flashing his blue package we should be fine.
 
2013-03-06 11:58:35 AM
Next dictator in line using misinformation to galvanize his power.........
 
2013-03-06 11:58:55 AM

gopher321: Pardon my naivete, but I should think it's pretty easy to give someone cancer.

And I wouldn't put it beyond the US's acronym crowd.


/watched 'The Revolution Will Not Be Televised'


When the US wants to ouster a South American socialist leader, historically they either just straight up have them killed - like, with bullets - or they buy a massive political opposition and then threaten to kill anyone who votes against them - like, with bullets. This? This was just farking cancer.
 
2013-03-06 12:01:06 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?

It can only give you brain cancer.


*Ba-dum-TISH*

/well played
 
2013-03-06 12:01:30 PM
Bridge  TOO far, subby.
 
2013-03-06 12:02:09 PM
Weaponized cancer? Unpossible!
 
2013-03-06 12:04:21 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?

It can only give you brain cancer.


HEY OHHHHHHH!
 
2013-03-06 12:06:05 PM
if you were in the position to kill someone by giving them cancer (with prolonged exposure to carcinogens?) wouldn't you just use the position to just straight up poison them?  Or blow them up or shoot them with bullets?  Or use something like polonium?
 
2013-03-06 12:06:22 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Philip Francis Queeg: GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?

It can only give you brain cancer.

*Ba-dum-TISH*

/well played


DeltaPunch: Philip Francis Queeg: GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?

It can only give you brain cancer.

HEY OHHHHHHH!


I'll be here all week.

/Tip your server
//The veal sucks
 
2013-03-06 12:07:28 PM

A Dark Evil Omen: When the US wants to ouster a South American socialist leader, historically they either just straight up have them killed - like, with bullets - or they buy a massive political opposition and then threaten to kill anyone who votes against them - like, with bullets. This? This was just farking cancer.


www.zcommunications.org
They all approve this comment
 
2013-03-06 12:08:34 PM
s3-ec.buzzfed.com
 
2013-03-06 12:08:45 PM
A bridge to far...is that like a bridge to nowhere?
 
2013-03-06 12:09:51 PM
Screw how he got the cancer... is he hanging in the meat freezer until the funeral?

/What I thought of when I heard the news...
 
2013-03-06 12:09:57 PM
I once knew a guy who claimed the CIA gave Bob Marley cancer because he was a threat.  He also claimed that they put microchips in all the dollars so they can track our spending with satellites and that AIDS is actually caused by the drugs that treat AIDS.  It's all a big scam.

Also, he loved RON PAUL!
 
2013-03-06 12:10:08 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?

It can only give you brain cancer.


assets0.ordienetworks.com

/Thread over
//Everyone drink your last drink and go home
 
2013-03-06 12:12:42 PM

neversubmit: Weaponized cancer? Unpossible!


It's a natural outgrowth of the Kennedys' plan to kill Castro with cigars.
 
2013-03-06 12:13:14 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?

It can only give you brain cancer.


greatseaurchinceviche.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-03-06 12:17:10 PM

Rapmaster2000: I once knew a guy who claimed the CIA gave Bob Marley cancer because he was a threat.  He also claimed that they put microchips in all the dollars so they can track our spending with satellites and that AIDS is actually caused by the drugs that treat AIDS.  It's all a big scam.

Also, he loved RON PAUL!


Why do you keep repeating yourself?
 
2013-03-06 12:17:29 PM

gopher321: Pardon my naivete, but I should think it's pretty easy to give someone cancer.

And I wouldn't put it beyond the US's acronym crowd.


/watched 'The Revolution Will Not Be Televised'


Just to review bio 101 for everyone in the thread before these kinds of posts get out of hand, cancer doesn't actually work that way.  It's a form of statistical biological failure, even if you load up all the risk factors you can find, any kind of exposure that doesn't have a chance of killing your target outright will not push the change of cancer formation beyond a crapshoot, making it the single lamest way to attempt an assassination ever.

Especially when, with the kind of continued, easy access that kind of low-level, continued exposure that kind of thing implies, buying the uniform of a local political enemy, walking up to the front door, and giving him twenty or thirty rounds of acute lead poisoning while loudly proclaiming your allegiance to insurgent faction X that's conveniently also a US enemy, and selling that, is by comparison almost effortless.
 
2013-03-06 12:27:10 PM
I think it was actually  Weird Al that gave him cancer.
 
2013-03-06 12:29:11 PM

Jim_Callahan: gopher321: Pardon my naivete, but I should think it's pretty easy to give someone cancer.

And I wouldn't put it beyond the US's acronym crowd.


/watched 'The Revolution Will Not Be Televised'

Just to review bio 101 for everyone in the thread before these kinds of posts get out of hand, cancer doesn't actually work that way.  It's a form of statistical biological failure, even if you load up all the risk factors you can find, any kind of exposure that doesn't have a chance of killing your target outright will not push the change of cancer formation beyond a crapshoot, making it the single lamest way to attempt an assassination ever.

Especially when, with the kind of continued, easy access that kind of low-level, continued exposure that kind of thing implies, buying the uniform of a local political enemy, walking up to the front door, and giving him twenty or thirty rounds of acute lead poisoning while loudly proclaiming your allegiance to insurgent faction X that's conveniently also a US enemy, and selling that, is by comparison almost effortless.


HPV
 
2013-03-06 12:31:38 PM
i56.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-06 12:31:38 PM
Obama used his Magic Anti-Grammar Machine on subby's headline.
 
2013-03-06 12:31:42 PM
when will Obama turn off his fart machine


:(
 
2013-03-06 12:42:22 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?

It can only give you brain cancer.


*swish*
nothing but air
 
2013-03-06 12:42:49 PM
I'll worry when Obama's sybian comes after me.
 
2013-03-06 12:43:17 PM

gopher321: Pardon my naivete, but I should think it's pretty easy to give someone cancer.

And I wouldn't put it beyond the US's acronym crowd.



I was thinking the exact same thing. Slowly poisioning him with a radioactive material would be child's play for a super secret three letter agency and he WAS a major pain in the USA's ass.
 
2013-03-06 12:47:18 PM
SpectroBoy:  Slowly poisioning him with a radioactive material would be child's play for a super secret three letter agency and he WAS a major pain in the USA's ass.

No he really wasn't. His actions had a miniscule effect on us.
 
2013-03-06 12:49:42 PM

Great_Milenko: Can't wait to see Grandpa Simpso..., er John McCain on the Sunday talk shows expressing "grave concerns" over the implications of the President giving cancer to foreign leaders.


Considering McCain's age and current mental state, it wouldn't surprise me if he blamed FDR for giving Chavez cancer.

i301.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-06 12:51:04 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: SpectroBoy:  Slowly poisioning him with a radioactive material would be child's play for a super secret three letter agency and he WAS a major pain in the USA's ass.

No he really wasn't. His actions had a miniscule effect on us.


Actions? Who said anything about actions? His mere EXISTENCE was a major butthurt for a large part of the right-wing of the US
 
2013-03-06 12:59:04 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?

It can only give you brain cancer.


The Republicans took to heart the call to ban DHMO a few years ago.  Now they just use vodka or moonshine to make their kool-aid
 
2013-03-06 01:03:57 PM

gopher321: Pardon my naivete, but I should think it's pretty easy to give someone cancer.

And I wouldn't put it beyond the US's acronym crowd.


/watched 'The Revolution Will Not Be Televised'


Everyone should give it a look. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etbEQcA7jUA

Excellent documentary.
 
2013-03-06 01:10:33 PM

MutantMotherMouse: Philip Francis Queeg: GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?

It can only give you brain cancer.

*swish*
nothing but air net


FTFY

/You're only mad because it's true.
 
2013-03-06 01:13:00 PM
to - Particle

to

A particle used for marking the following verb as an infinitive.

I want to leave.
He asked me what to do.
I don't know how to say it.
I have places to go and people to see.

As above, with the verb implied.

"Did you visit the museum?" "I wanted to, but it was closed."
If he hasn't read it yet, he ought to.

too - Adverb

too (not comparable)

(focus) Likewise
(conjunctive) also; in addition.
(degree) To an excessive degree; over; more than enough.
(degree, colloquial) To a high degree, very

She doesn't talk too much.
I'm not too sure about this.

(affirmation, colloquial) used to contradict a negative assertion.

You're not old enough yet.
I am, too!
 
2013-03-06 01:15:53 PM

offmymeds: to - Particle

to

A particle used for marking the following verb as an infinitive.

I want to leave.
He asked me what to do.
I don't know how to say it.
I have places to go and people to see.

As above, with the verb implied.

"Did you visit the museum?" "I wanted to, but it was closed."
If he hasn't read it yet, he ought to.

too - Adverb

too (not comparable)

(focus) Likewise
(conjunctive) also; in addition.
(degree) To an excessive degree; over; more than enough.
(degree, colloquial) To a high degree, very

She doesn't talk too much.
I'm not too sure about this.

(affirmation, colloquial) used to contradict a negative assertion.

You're not old enough yet.
I am, too!


You've put way to much thought into this.
 
2013-03-06 01:16:37 PM
Obama's magic cancer machine:

www.happyspeedy.com
 
2013-03-06 01:19:28 PM
All this and no mention of polonium?

Pure balonium.
 
2013-03-06 01:23:43 PM

SnarfVader: offmymeds: to - Particle

to

A particle used for marking the following verb as an infinitive.

I want to leave.
He asked me what to do.
I don't know how to say it.
I have places to go and people to see.

As above, with the verb implied.

"Did you visit the museum?" "I wanted to, but it was closed."
If he hasn't read it yet, he ought to.

too - Adverb

too (not comparable)

(focus) Likewise
(conjunctive) also; in addition.
(degree) To an excessive degree; over; more than enough.
(degree, colloquial) To a high degree, very

She doesn't talk too much.
I'm not too sure about this.

(affirmation, colloquial) used to contradict a negative assertion.

You're not old enough yet.
I am, too!

You've put way to two much thought into intoo this.


FTFY
 
2013-03-06 01:44:56 PM

SnarfVader: MutantMotherMouse: Philip Francis Queeg: GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?

It can only give you brain cancer.

*swish*
nothing but air net

FTFY

/You're only mad because it's true.



I ain't bovvered.
Am I even bovvered though?
Are you disrespecting me?
Are you disrespecting the House of Mouse?
Are you stupid?
Do I look bovvered?
I ain't even bovvered.

/Seriously, very MMM typical
//I also fall up stairs
 
2013-03-06 01:45:47 PM
What about his "kill American citizens without due process" machine he just created?
Is it too soon, or to late to talk about that?

I think it's time to re   [carrier lost]
 
2013-03-06 01:52:13 PM
But why would he kill his best buddy?

Unless.....

shiat! He wants to be Pharaoh of Upper AND Lower America! shiat!
 
2013-03-06 02:03:04 PM

griffer: But why would he kill his best buddy?

Unless.....

shiat! He wants to be Pharaoh of Upper AND Lower America! shiat!


It's all part of Soros and the UN's evil master plan to make him King O' the World!
 
2013-03-06 02:03:51 PM

Somacandra: He gave chavez to Cancer?


That's too evil even for Obama.
 
2013-03-06 02:04:51 PM

MutantMotherMouse: SnarfVader: MutantMotherMouse: Philip Francis Queeg: GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?

It can only give you brain cancer.

*swish*
nothing but air net

FTFY

/You're only mad because it's true.


I ain't bovvered.
Am I even bovvered though?
Are you disrespecting me?
Are you disrespecting the House of Mouse?
Are you stupid?
Do I look bovvered?
I ain't even bovvered.

/Seriously, very MMM typical
//I also fall up stairs


What does 3M have to do with anything?

/Don't worry. Obama's Brain Cancer Machine won't have any effect on you either.
 
2013-03-06 02:19:00 PM

SnarfVader: MutantMotherMouse: SnarfVader: MutantMotherMouse: Philip Francis Queeg: GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?

It can only give you brain cancer.

*swish*
nothing but air net

FTFY

/You're only mad because it's true.


I ain't bovvered.
Am I even bovvered though?
Are you disrespecting me?
Are you disrespecting the House of Mouse?
Are you stupid?
Do I look bovvered?
I ain't even bovvered.

/Seriously, very MMM typical
//I also fall up stairs

What does 3M have to do with anything?

/Don't worry. Obama's Brain Cancer Machine won't have any effect on you either.


MutantMother ... oh, nevermind. I think we're both safe.
 
2013-03-06 02:24:45 PM

MutantMotherMouse: SnarfVader: MutantMotherMouse: SnarfVader: MutantMotherMouse: Philip Francis Queeg: GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?

It can only give you brain cancer.

*swish*
nothing but air net

FTFY

/You're only mad because it's true.


I ain't bovvered.
Am I even bovvered though?
Are you disrespecting me?
Are you disrespecting the House of Mouse?
Are you stupid?
Do I look bovvered?
I ain't even bovvered.

/Seriously, very MMM typical
//I also fall up stairs

What does 3M have to do with anything?

/Don't worry. Obama's Brain Cancer Machine won't have any effect on you either.

MutantMother ... oh, nevermind. I think we're both safe.


Ooooh. Nevermind. Guess we are.
 
2013-03-06 02:36:17 PM
You know who ELSE went a bridge too far?

i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2013-03-06 02:46:25 PM
I don't think I'd seen your login before I made up mine. I humbly apologize for ripping off your alliteration

/I'll just have to think of something new
 
2013-03-06 03:12:08 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: SpectroBoy:  Slowly poisioning him with a radioactive material would be child's play for a super secret three letter agency and he WAS a major pain in the USA's ass.

No he really wasn't. His actions had a miniscule effect on us.


He was a major pain in the USA's ass from the standpoint of "not letting the US and its multinational corporations exploit his country thoroughly".

I'm not sure about the rest of the government, but it seems "denying us access" is enough impetus for the CIA to cause more than a couple 'accidental' plane crashes, et cetera. I'm pretty sure every US-opposed nigh-dictatorial governor in charge of a country with valuable resources knows not to fly private jets over secluded areas of land by now.
 
2013-03-06 03:29:11 PM

Jackson Herring: when will Obama turn off his fart machine


:(


ppppffffffftttttttt
 
2013-03-06 03:49:12 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: GiantRex: If he really does have a magic cancer machine, why the hell hasn't he used it on all the republicans in congress yet?

It can only give you brain cancer.


Oh, so we wouldn't notice the difference.  Bummer.
 
2013-03-06 04:32:29 PM
img.gawkerassets.com

What Obama's cancer machine might look like
 
2013-03-06 05:56:21 PM

OrangeSnapper: [img.gawkerassets.com image 640x360]

What Obama's cancer machine might look like


Damn that magical time machine again!

TSA Broadens Use of 'Backscatter X-Ray' Machines That Conduct 'Virtual Strip Searches': The Transportation Security Administration is expanding the use of "backscatter X-ray" systems for passenger screening. The $100,000 refrigerator-size machines use "backscatter" technology, which bounces low-radiation X-rays off of a passenger to produce photo-quality images of travelers as if they were undressed. Computer processing partially obscures the image that is available to operators. TSA states that the agency will delete the raw images, but there is no law or regulation that prevents the agency from saving the original, detailed images. Until there is such a prohibition, EPIC believes funding for the program should be suspended. See EPIC's Spotlight on Surveillance and page on Backscatter X-ray. (October 11, 2007)Field Tests Begin in Arizona on Backscatter X-Ray Machines: An X-ray machine aimed at detecting weapons and explosives hidden on passengers is scheduled to make its debut Friday at Phoenix's Sky Harbor International Airport. The "backscatter" will be in operation at Security Checkpoint B in Terminal 4. While any Terminal 4 ticketed passenger can pass through any checkpoint, the B concourse is primarily used by travelers on Tempe-based US Airways. (February 21, 2007)Phoenix Airport to Use 'Backscatter' X-Ray on Travelers: Sky Harbor International Airport here will test a new federal screening system that takes X-rays of passenger's bodies to detect concealed explosives and other weapons. The technology, called backscatter, has been around for several years but has not been widely used in the U.S. as an anti-terrorism tool because of privacy concerns. (December 1, 2006)  http://epic.org/privacy/airtravel/backscatter/
 
2013-03-06 06:53:39 PM
10 cc of Helacyton gartleri just might do the job.
 
2013-03-06 08:38:37 PM
The

HighOnCraic: You know who ELSE went a bridge too far?


Bubsy, the cat with an attitude?
 
2013-03-07 12:58:49 AM
If he had a magic cancer machine, Boehner would have been gone years ago.
 
2013-03-07 10:04:19 AM

Stoker: If he had a magic cancer machine, Boehner would have been gone years ago.


You're just going to openly admit discriminating against cancer patients in your tastes??! Huh, way to pull a Newt.
 
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