Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Sun)   Smoking hot 27-year-old Mistress of Seduction teaches women how to land their dream man: "I go from the very basics, such as flossing and waxing, to doing role play" (w/pics)   (thesun.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Spiffy, mistress, Robert Green, hannah, Neil Strauss, social dynamics  
•       •       •

27630 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Mar 2013 at 6:46 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



116 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-03-05 12:42:49 AM  
Classic advice.  Suck a lot of dick get a lot of guys.  Works for all genders and probably most animals into human males
 
2013-03-05 01:03:46 AM  
FTFA: "She has created seduction techniques which she guarantees will help all women, no matter how they look, to land their dream man."

As a man I can teach any woman what techniques will work. Show up naked and bring beer. If that doesn't work, show up naked with a naked female friend and bring beer.
 
2013-03-05 01:05:37 AM  
Note to the Fark cynical: the "smoking hot" is not ironic in this case
 
2013-03-05 01:39:00 AM  
Role playing advice #1: Pathfinder is better than 4th Edition
 
2013-03-05 02:59:45 AM  

Philbb: FTFA: "She has created seduction techniques which she guarantees will help all women, no matter how they look, to land their dream man."

As a man I can teach any woman what techniques will work. Show up naked and bring beer. If that doesn't work, show up naked with a naked female friend and bring beer.


Allow me to reiterate this for posterity.

As a man I can teach any woman what techniques will work. Show up naked and bring beer. If that doesn't work, show up naked with a naked female friend and bring beer.

/Also, if you're using your teeth, you're doing it wrong.
 
2013-03-05 03:51:44 AM  
Be hot, put out and you can land most guys.

Don't be a biatch, and you can keep 'em.
 
2013-03-05 05:09:00 AM  
Green eyes.. nice.
 
2013-03-05 05:14:06 AM  
No titties = no thanks.
 
2013-03-05 06:52:01 AM  

SJKebab: Philbb: FTFA: "She has created seduction techniques which she guarantees will help all women, no matter how they look, to land their dream man."

As a man I can teach any woman what techniques will work. Show up naked and bring beer. If that doesn't work, show up naked with a naked female friend and bring beer.

Allow me to reiterate this for posterity.

As a man I can teach any woman what techniques will work. Show up naked and bring beer. If that doesn't work, show up naked with a naked female friend and bring beer.

/Also, if you're using your teeth, you're doing it wrong.


This. Who is responsible for teaching them that? Srsly.
 
2013-03-05 06:53:13 AM  
It's stuff like this that will keep me clicking the "smoking hot" links.

/because every now and again it might be true.
 
2013-03-05 06:56:07 AM  

The more you eat the more you fart: No titties = no thanks.


Back fat = no thanks.
 
2013-03-05 06:56:22 AM  

The more you eat the more you fart: No titties = no thanks.


The small titties tend to stay nice as a women ages. And popping out a couple crotch fruit can even improve em.
Bigens on the other hand are nice until your women turns thirty and shiats out a couple kids. Then they turn into a big old floppy mess that hang a little lower year after year.
 
2013-03-05 06:57:55 AM  
FTFA: " especially now I can have any man. "

Sorry Miss Twisty-nose Bed-hopper, not interested. So, *almost* any man, then.
 
2013-03-05 06:59:36 AM  
FTFA: I believe I am the only female pick-up artist and I don't know of anyone else who does what I do for a living.

Lots of women have done it. It's called the oldest profession.
 
2013-03-05 06:59:47 AM  
Land the man of your dreams by putting on your robe and wizard's hat?
 
2013-03-05 07:00:15 AM  
A non-fat chick getting men to have sex with her.
May history forever remember the lessons learned this day.
 
2013-03-05 07:03:22 AM  

BigBooper: The more you eat the more you fart: No titties = no thanks.

The small titties tend to stay nice as a women ages. And popping out a couple crotch fruit can even improve em.
Bigens on the other hand are nice until your women turns thirty and shiats out a couple kids. Then they turn into a big old floppy mess that hang a little lower year after year.


Dont know what kinda women YOU have been with, but my experiences have clearly been very different.

/c-cups or bigger pls
//if your woman's titties are saggy at 30, she's doing it wrong.
 
2013-03-05 07:06:56 AM  
FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

/in other words... i am unseduceable.
//no i am not some super attractive male
///i believe they all saw me as a challenge because i payed no attention to them
 
2013-03-05 07:08:09 AM  
She's created a lifestyle of massive over-compensation, with extra helpings of delusion for good measure:

FTA: "I've slept with famous singers, writers and TV stars, proving that nobody is truly unattainable to me."

/She'll probably have a reality show by the end of the week though
 
2013-03-05 07:08:57 AM  

ArkAngel: Role playing advice #1: Pathfinder is better than 4th Edition


Ahem:

www.chaosium.com

If she knows what this is, then she's a keeper.
 
2013-03-05 07:10:13 AM  
Swallow
 
2013-03-05 07:11:03 AM  
If there are women PAYING her to teach them how to land a guy, then, yea, I can see how they'd be too stupid to figure out how to do it themselves.
 
2013-03-05 07:11:21 AM  
BigBooper 2013-03-05 06:56:22 AM The more you eat the more you fart: No titties = no thanks.

The small titties tend to stay nice as a women ages. And popping out a couple crotch fruit can even improve em.
Bigens on the other hand are nice until your women turns thirty and shiats out a couple kids. Then they turn into a big old floppy mess that hang a little lower year after year.


I'm pretty sure he was talking about the author. And that nose!
 
2013-03-05 07:12:40 AM  
BigBooper    2013-03-05 06:56:22 AM The more you eat the more you fart: No titties = no thanks.

The small titties tend to stay nice as a women ages. And popping out a couple crotch fruit can even improve em.
Bigens on the other hand are nice until your women turns thirty and shiats out a couple kids. Then they turn into a big old floppy mess that hang a little lower year after year.


I'm pretty sure he was talking about the author. Also, how about that nose job!
 
2013-03-05 07:13:01 AM  

BrokenToilet: FTFA: I believe I am the only female pick-up artist and I don't know of anyone else who does what I do for a living.

Lots of women have done it. It's called the oldest profession.


I don't know what you're talking about but it rhymes with WHORE
content6.flixster.com
 
GBB
2013-03-05 07:13:10 AM  

HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

/in other words... i am unseduceable.
//no i am not some super attractive male
///i believe they all saw me as a challenge because i payed no attention to them


t2.gstatic.com
Them Doctors were right!!
 
2013-03-05 07:13:56 AM  

HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

/in other words... i am unseduceable.
//no i am not some super attractive male
///i believe they all saw me as a challenge because i payed no attention to them


Actually, you have Aspergers.
 
2013-03-05 07:14:58 AM  

willfullyobscure: HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

/in other words... i am unseduceable.
//no i am not some super attractive male
///i believe they all saw me as a challenge because i payed no attention to them

Actually, you have Aspergers.


oh nooooooes... ass burgers!

/and i haven't been using any excuses throughout my life... damn!
 
2013-03-05 07:15:35 AM  

GBB: HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

/in other words... i am unseduceable.
//no i am not some super attractive male
///i believe they all saw me as a challenge because i payed no attention to them

[t2.gstatic.com image 224x224]
Them Doctors were right!!


you're gonna have to help me out with this one...

/hangs head in shame.
 
2013-03-05 07:19:49 AM  

HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.


Duuuuuuuuude

Been there, done that.  And nothing makes a woman go batshiat insane crazy like turning them down for sex.  I've had some go into creepy stalker mode, unfortunately.

Once I had one rip off her shirt and press a huge-pair of beautiful boobs into my face.  Unfortunately at the time I was living with some other girl so I had to walk away from it. She starting yelling "No man has EVER said no to me" as I walked away.

/I went home all horny and tried to have sex with my girl friend and she wasn't interested. I felt like yelling "DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST TURNED DOWN TONIGHT?"
//A friend of mine eventually did the one I turned down and had to tell me it was the best he's ever had.
///Yeah, I'm an idiot
 
2013-03-05 07:24:50 AM  

weave: HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

Duuuuuuuuude

Been there, done that.  And nothing makes a woman go batshiat insane crazy like turning them down for sex.  I've had some go into creepy stalker mode, unfortunately.

Once I had one rip off her shirt and press a huge-pair of beautiful boobs into my face.  Unfortunately at the time I was living with some other girl so I had to walk away from it. She starting yelling "No man has EVER said no to me" as I walked away.

/I went home all horny and tried to have sex with my girl friend and she wasn't interested. I felt like yelling "DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST TURNED DOWN TONIGHT?"
//A friend of mine eventually did the one I turned down and had to tell me it was the best he's ever had.
///Yeah, I'm an idiot


I am actually glad i was'nt a dog growing up.(not to say there haven't been regrets - there have), but i learned to respect women and am now with a woman who respects me and will not leave me (yes i know, never is a word that should never be used, but we have already encountered the worst things possible in our lives and we made it through together).
 
2013-03-05 07:26:30 AM  
My two step technique for women when they want to seduce a man.

1. Point to the guy you want to seduce.

2. When you get his attention, point to your crotch.

That's it. A free service provided to you, from me.
 
2013-03-05 07:29:07 AM  
Let's look at this objectively.  She's only 27 years old.  She claims that she lost her virginity at 22.  So let's say that she developed and started using her techniques at 23.  That's 4 years, in which she has become both an expert on seducing any man and developing  long term relationships?  I don't think so.
 
2013-03-05 07:31:56 AM  

HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

/in other words... i am unseduceable.
//no i am not some super attractive male
///i believe they all saw me as a challenge because i payed no attention to them


you're the first heterosexual man i've heard state something like that aside from my brother. he's been a keyboard man in bands since i was little. wimmen would come on to him most every time he played out. early on he realized many of these ladies were married and out for a quick cheap while their husbands were away on business. turned him off big time.
he's an incredibly rare exception. i've noticed most guys will fark most anything any time. too many guys have no shame, no pride, and no control over their sexuality. that's pretty sad behavior for an adult male. in  your case, you're a control freak. you're better off being single because you would probably turn a nice woman into a man hating lesbian.
 
2013-03-05 07:34:22 AM  
What does it mean to 'corset-train' one's waist?
 
2013-03-05 07:34:24 AM  
My own philosophy I call "The Three B's"

1. Be nice
2. Be cute
3. Be quiet

Seriously tho, this lady is selling NLP courses and packaging it as seduction. Its all about finding your niche, as otherwise she would just be another quack NLP instructor.
 
2013-03-05 07:37:08 AM  

Old Man Winter: Classic advice.  Suck a lot of dick get a lot of guys.  Works for all genders and probably most animals into human males


More or less.

I'd further generalize the advice to this on keeping a man happy:  "That thing that he wants you to do that you are not sure about doing?  Do it."

 
2013-03-05 07:37:27 AM  

Chariset: Note to the Fark cynical: the "smoking hot" is not ironic in this case


That's true, but her eyebrows are really thick. And I don't really care for her attitude that "every man is attainable..."....not with eyebrows like that, honey.
 
2013-03-05 07:38:32 AM  

HindiDiscoMonster: weave: HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

Duuuuuuuuude

Been there, done that.  And nothing makes a woman go batshiat insane crazy like turning them down for sex.  I've had some go into creepy stalker mode, unfortunately.

Once I had one rip off her shirt and press a huge-pair of beautiful boobs into my face.  Unfortunately at the time I was living with some other girl so I had to walk away from it. She starting yelling "No man has EVER said no to me" as I walked away.

/I went home all horny and tried to have sex with my girl friend and she wasn't interested. I felt like yelling "DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST TURNED DOWN TONIGHT?"
//A friend of mine eventually did the one I turned down and had to tell me it was the best he's ever had.
///Yeah, I'm an idiot

I am actually glad i was'nt a dog growing up.(not to say there haven't been regrets - there have), but i learned to respect women and am now with a woman who respects me and will not leave me (yes i know, never is a word that should never be used, but we have already encountered the worst things possible in our lives and we made it through together).


I'm with you. 100% on respecting and being respected. I also don't enjoy being manipulated.

This woman is selling books and seminars, not relationships
 
2013-03-05 07:38:45 AM  
I'd fark her.
 
2013-03-05 07:40:15 AM  

KrispyKritter: HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

/in other words... i am unseduceable.
//no i am not some super attractive male
///i believe they all saw me as a challenge because i payed no attention to them

you're the first heterosexual man i've heard state something like that aside from my brother. he's been a keyboard man in bands since i was little. wimmen would come on to him most every time he played out. early on he realized many of these ladies were married and out for a quick cheap while their husbands were away on business. turned him off big time.
he's an incredibly rare exception. i've noticed most guys will fark most anything any time. too many guys have no shame, no pride, and no control over their sexuality. that's pretty sad behavior for an adult male. in  your case, you're a control freak. you're better off being single because you would probably turn a nice woman into a man hating lesbian.


That's not how lesbianism works. /morbo
 
2013-03-05 07:40:22 AM  
It turns out guys really aren't that picky. Especially when they're drunk.
 
2013-03-05 07:44:10 AM  

KrispyKritter: HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

/in other words... i am unseduceable.
//no i am not some super attractive male
///i believe they all saw me as a challenge because i payed no attention to them

you're the first heterosexual man i've heard state something like that aside from my brother. he's been a keyboard man in bands since i was little. wimmen would come on to him most every time he played out. early on he realized many of these ladies were married and out for a quick cheap while their husbands were away on business. turned him off big time.
he's an incredibly rare exception. i've noticed most guys will fark most anything any time. too many guys have no shame, no pride, and no control over their sexuality. that's pretty sad behavior for an adult male. in  your case, you're a control freak. you're better off being single because you would probably turn a nice woman into a man hating lesbian.


I don't know, man; some of us are just bullshiat-intolerant. I will drop-kick pretty much anyone from my life - not just dating or bunga-bunga consideration - if they don't knock off the manipulative behavior when called on it the first time.


/there's greasing the wheels of society
//and then there's just grease
 
2013-03-05 07:44:12 AM  
That. Is a dude.
 
2013-03-05 07:44:31 AM  
What's the old saying on how to keep a man happy?  Blowjobs or steak...either three times a week will keep a man happy. (Am getting tired of steak).
 
2013-03-05 07:45:18 AM  

Mark Ratner:  And I don't really care for her attitude that "every man is attainable..."


She's just a few years from the desperate "gotta find a nice guy and settle down and make babies" realization.  Let's see how well she'll be doing getting any guy she wants then.
 
2013-03-05 07:47:01 AM  
I don't think she's selling advice for women to get schlubs like us. I'm going to guess that it's for nabbing rich guys.
 
2013-03-05 07:49:26 AM  

Venus: What does it mean to 'corset-train' one's waist?


It means you get used to not engaging your diaphragm during respiration.  It creates the effect of the boobs heaving,
since all movement if upper ribcage.

I run in the goth/industrial/burlesque/fetish/BDSM community in Atlanta.  Some women get their waists down to around 20".

While I love corsets & have several, I really like breathing, so I never wear them too tight.  Wouldn't want a man that wanted
me to suffer like that anyway.
 
2013-03-05 07:51:17 AM  
She's cute, but crazy and trying to prove something to herself.

Pass.
 
2013-03-05 07:51:39 AM  

chaosangel: It means you get used to not engaging your diaphragm during respiration.  It creates the effect of the boobs heaving,
since all movement if upper ribcage.


Really!?!?! I thought it was like a binding thing to give the hourglass shape, all this time it was just to make the boobs move? F*cking dumb
 
2013-03-05 07:52:35 AM  
Wonder what she'd look like with tits.
 
2013-03-05 07:54:33 AM  

Tat'dGreaser: chaosangel: It means you get used to not engaging your diaphragm during respiration.  It creates the effect of the boobs heaving,
since all movement if upper ribcage.

Really!?!?! I thought it was like a binding thing to give the hourglass shape, all this time it was just to make the boobs move? F*cking dumb


No, you are correct.  But women do it for the small waist/houglss thing AND to make the boobs pop out.
Left that part out.  Guess I need that second cup of coffee to finish waking up....
 
2013-03-05 07:54:54 AM  
1. Rules for landing a boy:
Enjoy farking him, or at very least convince him you do (that includes being willing to do it more than once or twice a week, in the bedroom, with the lights off).
Clean up after him.
Cook for him.

2. Rules for landing a man:
All of the above PLUS:
Don't put up with bullshiat from him (which includes him pulling his own weight on domestic chores).

3. Rules for KEEPING a man:
All of the above PLUS:
Don't give him bullshiat.

A bullshiat-free relationship is a solid one. Very many people can't manage that.
 
2013-03-05 07:58:28 AM  

HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

/in other words... i am unseduceable.
//no i am not some super attractive male
///i believe they all saw me as a challenge because i payed no attention to them


Don't you have a gym to get to in 26 minutes?
 
2013-03-05 07:59:19 AM  

Silly_Sot: Don't put up with bullshiat from him (which includes him pulling his own weight on domestic chores).


My god, if I can find a woman that considers me doing chores bullshiat, I might even consider possibly getting married again.

/no, never mind
//NEVAR. AGAIN.
///https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/1603654400/h8C266A70/
 
2013-03-05 08:02:48 AM  

chaosangel: No, you are correct.  But women do it for the small waist/houglss thing AND to make the boobs pop out.
Left that part out.  Guess I need that second cup of coffee to finish waking up....


Please, always have coffee before a BDSM discussion. Always
 
2013-03-05 08:06:44 AM  

Tat'dGreaser: chaosangel: No, you are correct.  But women do it for the small waist/houglss thing AND to make the boobs pop out.
Left that part out.  Guess I need that second cup of coffee to finish waking up....

Please, always have coffee before a BDSM discussion. Always


And remember that cuppa' coffee BEFORE you pick up the riding crop.
 
2013-03-05 08:08:15 AM  

ArkAngel: Role playing advice #1: Pathfinder is better than 4th Edition


So true
 
2013-03-05 08:09:22 AM  
What are your thoughts on a girlfriend wanting to move in with you but you don't want to live with anyone until engagement/marriage is in clear view ?
 
2013-03-05 08:09:33 AM  

BrokenToilet: FTFA: I believe I am the only female pick-up artist and I don't know of anyone else who does what I do for a living.

Lots of women have done it. It's called the oldest profession.


Shes a farmer?
 
2013-03-05 08:10:49 AM  
At least this time, when the headline says "smoking hot", I didn't need eye bleach.
 
2013-03-05 08:11:15 AM  
She needs to sand down about an inch of that makeup and then we'll see.
 
2013-03-05 08:14:05 AM  

WienerButt: What are your thoughts on a girlfriend wanting to move in with you but you don't want to live with anyone until engagement/marriage is in clear view ?


That punctuation is needed before I'm clear on the question.
 
GBB
2013-03-05 08:20:40 AM  

HindiDiscoMonster: GBB: HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

/in other words... i am unseduceable.
//no i am not some super attractive male
///i believe they all saw me as a challenge because i payed no attention to them

[t2.gstatic.com image 224x224]
Them Doctors were right!!

you're gonna have to help me out with this one...

/hangs head in shame.


Todd Akin.  I was making a crude connection between your bullshiat detector "shutting down" your desires and his statement that doctors told him that a woman's body has a way of "shutting down" its reproductive ability to prevent pregnancy from rape.
 
2013-03-05 08:31:21 AM  
So, what's wrong with that girls nose? We need a photoshop contest to fix it.
 
2013-03-05 08:36:15 AM  

Mark Ratner: Chariset: Note to the Fark cynical: the "smoking hot" is not ironic in this case

That's true, but her eyebrows are really thick. And I don't really care for her attitude that "every man is attainable..."....not with eyebrows like that, honey.


Lol.
Gay or trolling?
 
2013-03-05 08:37:47 AM  

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: Wonder what she'd look like with tits.


You are one of the best 'shoppers around here. Make it happen.
 
2013-03-05 08:39:59 AM  

ArkAngel: Role playing advice #1: Pathfinder is better than 4th Edition


You.

I like you.
 
2013-03-05 08:44:28 AM  
Every woman is convinced that she knows the proper way to "conjure the corpse".
 
2013-03-05 08:44:28 AM  

Ratchet_of_knoxville: So, what's wrong with that girls nose? We need a photoshop contest to fix it.


i46.tinypic.com

This sexy disguise is always a crowd pleaser. And it helps hide the slight imperfections of her nose.
 
2013-03-05 09:17:27 AM  
Boobies go a long way.

/EIP
 
2013-03-05 09:32:36 AM  
Backpack. 50' rope. 10' pole. Hammer. Iron spikes. 3 days of iron rations.
 
2013-03-05 09:36:58 AM  

ArkAngel: Role playing advice #1: Pathfinder is better than 4th Edition


 and munchkin shall mock it all
 
2013-03-05 09:37:21 AM  

BarleyGnome: Backpack. 50' rope. 10' pole. Hammer. Iron spikes. 3 days of iron rations.


Normally I have to pay extra for that kind of action, whats the up charge?

HindiDiscoMonster: ///i believe they all saw me as a challenge because i payed no attention to them


Easiest way to nail the hot girl at the bar, buy drinks and faun over her less attractive friend. She'll be stumbling over trying to get your attention. Keep it up and those panties will be your keepsake in the morning.

And you'll get a nice bonus because you can now nail her friend, as your star approved by someone more attractive than her.
 
2013-03-05 09:41:27 AM  

BigBooper: The small titties tend to stay nice as a women ages. And popping out a couple crotch fruit can even improve em.
Bigens on the other hand are nice until your women turns thirty and shiats out a couple kids. Then they turn into a big old floppy mess that hang a little lower year after year.


I think the scientific term for this phenomenon is GRAVITY.
 
2013-03-05 09:45:35 AM  

jigger: She needs to sand down about an inch of that makeup and then we'll see.


This. Smoking hot women don't need that much crap on their faces.
 
2013-03-05 09:50:09 AM  

kobrakai: jigger: She needs to sand down about an inch of that makeup and then we'll see.

This. Smoking hot women don't need that much crap on their faces.


Bukkake
 
2013-03-05 09:55:50 AM  

The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves: It turns out guys really aren't that picky. Especially when they're drunk.


Exactly.  Evolution has programmed men to spread their seed to as many women as possible to increase the chance that they have offspring.  Physically (as in without current laws etc) the most a man has to pay for having a kid is a few minutes of his time, but women have to pay for 9 months of their time and then the rest of their life caring for their kid.  We are programmed to be less selective than females because of this.
 
2013-03-05 09:59:48 AM  

MyKingdomForYourHorse: BarleyGnome: Backpack. 50' rope. 10' pole. Hammer. Iron spikes. 3 days of iron rations.

Normally I have to pay extra for that kind of action, whats the up charge?

HindiDiscoMonster: ///i believe they all saw me as a challenge because i payed no attention to them

Easiest way to nail the hot girl at the bar, buy drinks and faun over her less attractive friend. She'll be stumbling over trying to get your attention. Keep it up and those panties will be your keepsake in the morning.

And you'll get a nice bonus because you can now nail her friend, as your star approved by someone more attractive than her.



It's a win-win-win, or a Cavalcade of Winning. My god, sir, YOU are a genius. It calls to mind the Seinfeld episode where Jerry can't figure out how to break up with the girl and date her roommate. George studies the matter, and in the montage with the overhead shot of him diagramming it on paper, comes up with solution to ask for the three-way. Of course, then you have to grow the moustaches and get the big conversation-pit sofa and have orgy friends and What Not.
 
2013-03-05 10:13:53 AM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: orgy friends


That's the problem, I have a hard time keeping my orgy friends separate from my regular friends.

Its led to awkward conversations at the coffee table at times
 
2013-03-05 10:16:10 AM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: It's a win-win-win, or a Cavalcade of Winning. My god, sir, YOU are a genius. It calls to mind the Seinfeld episode where Jerry can't figure out how to break up with the girl and date her roommate. George studies the matter, and in the montage with the overhead shot of him diagramming it on paper, comes up with solution to ask for the three-way. Of course, then you have to grow the moustaches and get the big conversation-pit sofa and have orgy friends and What Not.


As a general rule, hot women are insecure.  Another great strategy (especially with a group of girls) is to have fun without them.  Be at the bar with a couple of buddies and have a great time.  Laughing, carrying on, joking with everyone around you (including the girls, from time to time) but pay them no extra attention.  They will want to come to you.

If all else fails keep saying, "Come to Butthead"
/from your toes up to your cerebellum
/from your toes to your, uhhh uhhh uhh what?
 
2013-03-05 10:19:39 AM  
ladies, since when has getting a man to sleep with you been a mystery?  we're men, not women.

1.)  be hot and slim.
2.)  be friendly.
3.)  get laid.

should take about 20 minutes from you deciding you wanna get laid, to you getting laid.  assuming you're hot and friendly.  if you're not hot and friendly...

1.)  try to get hotter, lose weight.
2.)  try not to be such a biatch.
3.)  get laid.

if you're fug...

1.)  lower your standards a lot.
2.)  get laid.

now getting a man to commit is another story.  but i didn't see anything relevant to that in the article.  maybe it's in the book.
 
2013-03-05 10:22:15 AM  

AbbeySomeone: Mark Ratner: Chariset: Note to the Fark cynical: the "smoking hot" is not ironic in this case

That's true, but her eyebrows are really thick. And I don't really care for her attitude that "every man is attainable..."....not with eyebrows like that, honey.

Lol.
Gay or trolling?


What gave it away? The "not with eyebrows like that, honey" comment?

/trolling
//not gay
///nttawwt
 
2013-03-05 10:27:56 AM  

weave: HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

Duuuuuuuuude

Been there, done that.  And nothing makes a woman go batshiat insane crazy like turning them down for sex.  I've had some go into creepy stalker mode, unfortunately.

Once I had one rip off her shirt and press a huge-pair of beautiful boobs into my face.  Unfortunately at the time I was living with some other girl so I had to walk away from it. She starting yelling "No man has EVER said no to me" as I walked away.

/I went home all horny and tried to have sex with my girl friend and she wasn't interested. I felt like yelling "DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST TURNED DOWN TONIGHT?"
//A friend of mine eventually did the one I turned down and had to tell me it was the best he's ever had.
///Yeah, I'm an idiot


-------------------------------
no single guy turns down sex from a hot girl.  if he does, it's always one or more of the following:

a.)  he really is an idiot
b.)  he was too intimidated
c.)  she wasn't hot enough

but basically c trumps all.  raise hotness high enough and even an intimidated idiot will go for it.
 
2013-03-05 10:36:36 AM  

ADHD Librarian: Land the man of your dreams by putting on your robe and wizard's hat?


hahahaha

/your head is by the ceiling fan
//you loved it
 
2013-03-05 10:48:15 AM  
Apparently you aren't familiar with official Fark terminology.

"Smoking Hot" is a term reserved for middle-aged, homely, fat women with bad teeth.
 
2013-03-05 10:53:22 AM  

Ratchet_of_knoxville: ...


Completely off topic, but I've tried several of your infusions at Suttree's. You come up with some pretty good concoctions.
 
2013-03-05 11:03:48 AM  

chaosangel: Venus: What does it mean to 'corset-train' one's waist?

It means you get used to not engaging your diaphragm during respiration.  It creates the effect of the boobs heaving,
since all movement if upper ribcage.

I run in the goth/industrial/burlesque/fetish/BDSM community in Atlanta.  Some women get their waists down to around 20".

While I love corsets & have several, I really like breathing, so I never wear them too tight.  Wouldn't want a man that wanted
me to suffer like that anyway.


How long does it take to get "corset trained"?  Do you have to wear them all the time?  Do you just try to keep tightening the ties each day to get your waist smaller?

Would love to get my waist a little smaller, just don't know how involved it would be to use this.

Also, I like breathing too.
 
2013-03-05 11:24:33 AM  
FTFA: One of her clients was a London businesswoman who was successful and attractive but had a stalled love life. Arden says: "There was one 'target' she was interested in but she couldn't get him to notice her, so she called me.

"She insisted she had tried it all - subtle glances across the crowded room, flirty body language when he approached her - but after listening, I reckoned she hadn't tried much at all. To seduce, you cannot let fear of rejection override your desire and that's what she did."


I notice a subtle error in the way that client went about her plan. Subtle? Body language? She's trying to hook a guy. Ask him if he wants to go out for lunch. My theory is that men don't (always) notice body language because they have been burned more than once. You want it? You ask. Don't "hint" at anything.
 
2013-03-05 11:25:48 AM  

SJKebab: Philbb: FTFA: "She has created seduction techniques which she guarantees will help all women, no matter how they look, to land their dream man."

As a man I can teach any woman what techniques will work. Show up naked and bring beer. If that doesn't work, show up naked with a naked female friend and bring beer.

Allow me to reiterate this for posterity.

As a man I can teach any woman what techniques will work. Show up naked and bring beer. If that doesn't work, show up naked with a naked female friend and bring beer.

/Also, if you're using your teeth, you're doing it just right.


FTFY
 
2013-03-05 11:43:17 AM  
FTA: "Ensure you have nice sheets - 600-thread-count sheets and luxury pillows make all the difference."

Yes indeed, this woman knows men to a TEE!!

I, for one, know that I will immediately leave a woman's bedroom if there aren't fifty fancy throw pillows on the bed accompanied by at LEAST 600 thread-count sheets.

/not hot, smoking or otherwise
//SERIOUSLY? what a stupid ho
 
2013-03-05 11:52:47 AM  
www.dmvfollowers.com


"100 Ways to Please Your Man" -by Some Lady

That list aint 100 things long...that list is 4 things long

1. Suck his dick
2. Play with his balls
3. Fix him a sandwich
4. Don't talk so much
 
2013-03-05 12:04:29 PM  

yapopo: weave: HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

Duuuuuuuuude

Been there, done that.  And nothing makes a woman go batshiat insane crazy like turning them down for sex.  I've had some go into creepy stalker mode, unfortunately.

Once I had one rip off her shirt and press a huge-pair of beautiful boobs into my face.  Unfortunately at the time I was living with some other girl so I had to walk away from it. She starting yelling "No man has EVER said no to me" as I walked away.

/I went home all horny and tried to have sex with my girl friend and she wasn't interested. I felt like yelling "DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST TURNED DOWN TONIGHT?"
//A friend of mine eventually did the one I turned down and had to tell me it was the best he's ever had.
///Yeah, I'm an idiot

-------------------------------
no single guy turns down sex from a hot girl.  if he does, it's always one or more of the following:

a.)  he really is an idiot
b.)  he was too intimidated
c.)  she wasn't hot enough

but basically c trumps all.  raise hotness high enough and even an intimidated idiot will go for it.


What about d.) you know several of the other sleazebags she's previously slept with, and they all have at least one STD?
 
2013-03-05 12:07:28 PM  
Get a rando to have sex with you, easy.
Get the man of your dreams to love you for who you really are, difficult.
 
2013-03-05 12:17:25 PM  

untaken_name: yapopo: 

-------------------------------
no single guy turns down sex from a hot girl.  if he does, it's always one or more of the following:

a.)  he really is an idiot
b.)  he was too intimidated
c.)  she wasn't hot enough

but basically c trumps all.  raise hotness high enough and even an intimidated idiot will go for it.

What about d.) you know several of the other sleazebags she's previously slept with, and they all have at least one STD?


ha ok yeah.  but any girl could have an std....
 
2013-03-05 12:23:53 PM  

yapopo: untaken_name: yapopo: 

-------------------------------
no single guy turns down sex from a hot girl.  if he does, it's always one or more of the following:

a.)  he really is an idiot
b.)  he was too intimidated
c.)  she wasn't hot enough

but basically c trumps all.  raise hotness high enough and even an intimidated idiot will go for it.

What about d.) you know several of the other sleazebags she's previously slept with, and they all have at least one STD?

ha ok yeah.  but any girl could have an std....


Yeah but even when you're lying to yourself, there's a big difference between 'might' and 'does'.
 
2013-03-05 12:24:15 PM  

The more you eat the more you fart: BigBooper: The more you eat the more you fart: No titties = no thanks.

The small titties tend to stay nice as a women ages. And popping out a couple crotch fruit can even improve em.
Bigens on the other hand are nice until your women turns thirty and shiats out a couple kids. Then they turn into a big old floppy mess that hang a little lower year after year.

Dont know what kinda women YOU have been with, but my experiences have clearly been very different.

/c-cups or bigger pls
//if your woman's titties are saggy at 30, she's doing it wrong.


Doing what wrong?
 
2013-03-05 12:30:21 PM  

untaken_name: yapopo: untaken_name: yapopo: 

-------------------------------
no single guy turns down sex from a hot girl.  if he does, it's always one or more of the following:

a.)  he really is an idiot
b.)  he was too intimidated
c.)  she wasn't hot enough

but basically c trumps all.  raise hotness high enough and even an intimidated idiot will go for it.

What about d.) you know several of the other sleazebags she's previously slept with, and they all have at least one STD?

ha ok yeah.  but any girl could have an std....

Yeah but even when you're lying to yourself, there's a big difference between 'might' and 'does'.


ok i'll agree with that.
 
2013-03-05 12:33:22 PM  

Nutsac_Jim: BrokenToilet: FTFA: I believe I am the only female pick-up artist and I don't know of anyone else who does what I do for a living.

Lots of women have done it. It's called the oldest profession.

Shes a farmer?


Hunter/gatherer. Predates agriculture.
 
2013-03-05 12:39:23 PM  
untaken_name:
What about d.) you know several of the other sleazebags she's previously slept with, and they all have at least one STD?

^This.  Denying the "hot girl" is effectively Not Sticking Your Dick in Crazy.  Benefits can also include total lack of retaliation from an unmentioned significant other, as well as zero child support payments.
 
2013-03-05 01:31:52 PM  

serfdood: At least this time, when the headline says "smoking hot", I didn't need eye bleach.


Yeah, but what's that thing on her face and where's her nose?
 
2013-03-05 01:50:28 PM  
A now, a few words from the itty bitty titty committee...
 
2013-03-05 02:10:52 PM  
I've seen horribly ugly women "seduce" very attractive men, by pretty much doing what every guy in here is saying. Men like being upfront about things, and tend to be blunt.
 
2013-03-05 02:54:59 PM  

GBB: HindiDiscoMonster: GBB: HindiDiscoMonster: FTA; Nymphomaniac Arden Leigh says 'no man is unattainable'

First, let me just say bullshiat.

Second, I have had girls throughout my life who have tried to bed me (I never understood why till I grew up), and I always was quite capable of saying no, no matter how hot they were, or what they promised.
This has nothing to do with being gay (i am not), nor some magical ability to turn off my desire (I wanted all of em), BUT... I do NOT like being manipulated. Any attempt to manipulate me sets off my bullshiat detector, and all operations i would normally engage in such as farking the shiat out of someone will simply shut down, and no amount of further manipulation, cajoling, sweet talk, or anything else will cause me to budge.

/in other words... i am unseduceable.
//no i am not some super attractive male
///i believe they all saw me as a challenge because i payed no attention to them

[t2.gstatic.com image 224x224]
Them Doctors were right!!

you're gonna have to help me out with this one...

/hangs head in shame.

Todd Akin.  I was making a crude connection between your bullshiat detector "shutting down" your desires and his statement that doctors told him that a woman's body has a way of "shutting down" its reproductive ability to prevent pregnancy from rape.


oooooh ok, thanks. now i get it.
 
2013-03-05 03:24:00 PM  
I can teach them women for free.  STOP biatching, moaning and whining all the time.  Every man will be beating your down to be with you.
 
2013-03-05 04:33:48 PM  

lordaction: I can teach them women for free.  STOP biatching, moaning and whining all the time.  Every man will be beating your down to be with you.


Actually, I kind of like the moaning
 
2013-03-05 05:43:51 PM  
"I've studied and honed my technique to a fine art, lost 20lb, corset-trained my waist and now have the skills to get the men I always thought were unattainable. In the past three years I've become a professional seductress and am now living the life of my dreams.

So in other words a whore?
 
2013-03-05 06:14:59 PM  

lordaction: Every man will be beating your down...




Is that a euphemism that I missed?
 
2013-03-05 07:32:57 PM  

Tsar_Bomba1: "I've studied and honed my technique to a fine art, lost 20lb, corset-trained my waist and now have the skills to get the men I always thought were unattainable. In the past three years I've become a professional seductress and am now living the life of my dreams.

So in other words a whore?


Exactly.

I believe Snoop Dogg in "Bossin' It Up" would have something to say about this woman.
img404.imageshack.us Cordé Christopher: Pimpin' and ho'in is the best thing going.
 
2013-03-05 09:47:47 PM  

The more you eat the more you fart: No titties = no thanks.


and can you imagine how sharp her knees must be?! Jeeze, what a heifer.
 
2013-03-05 10:51:20 PM  

Chariset: Note to the Fark cynical: the "smoking hot" is not ironic in this case


No kidding, right? I expected explicit pictures of some snaggle-toothed she-beast.
 
2013-03-05 11:46:35 PM  
And no one did a google search for her?  (Or maybe they did and I missed it)

NSFW:

http://ardensirens.tumblr.com/
 
2013-03-06 11:16:36 AM  
That picture is a man crossdressed
 
2013-03-06 12:09:54 PM  

ironfister: That picture is a man crossdressed


I'm going with no. She's the one on the right, and the link is NSFW
 
2013-03-06 12:11:17 PM  
Another NSFW
 
2013-03-06 05:07:53 PM  

Nutsac_Jim: BrokenToilet: FTFA: I believe I am the only female pick-up artist and I don't know of anyone else who does what I do for a living.

Lots of women have done it. It's called the oldest profession.

Shes a farmer?


Wouldn't that make her a hunter or gatherer?
 
Displayed 116 of 116 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report