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(NPR)   Cardinals can't agree when to start conclave, still trying to live down the embarrassment of losing to the Giants in last year's NLCS   (npr.org) divider line 85
    More: Followup, NL Championship Series, Giants, College of Cardinals, Vatican II, embarrassments, pedophile priests, sexual ethics, cronyism  
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2424 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Mar 2013 at 11:54 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-04 11:55:26 AM  
Either a smartass Giants fan or a Cub' fan enjoying the schadenfreude, can't really tell.
 
2013-03-04 11:58:25 AM  
They are probably just waiting until all the inter-squad stuff is over with in spring training.  That or until the WBC is over.
 
2013-03-04 11:59:03 AM  
Why'd they name them after those birds anyway?
 
2013-03-04 11:59:20 AM  
How many World Series victories does your team have, subby? That's what I thought.
 
2013-03-04 11:59:25 AM  
Those wacky Cardinals do love the Altar Boys of summer . . .
 
2013-03-04 11:59:25 AM  
Can't be a Giants fan... I detect elements of shaming the Cardinals and a subtle implication that somehow they shouldn't have lost to the Giants.
 
2013-03-04 12:00:34 PM  
I would assume that it'd begin once their pitcher was in better shape

/Got nothing
 
2013-03-04 12:00:47 PM  
I'm surprised they didn't put a temp pope in there in this type of situation. Millions of Catholics have no idea if they are supposed to persecute gays yet.
 
2013-03-04 12:01:50 PM  
Should be plenty of Cardinals available for the conclave by now, given how many are too injured to perform their day jobs.

/3rd place this year, at best
 
2013-03-04 12:03:55 PM  
So that is where the Cardinals meet?  That's... dissapointing.  It doesn't look much different from an average corporate conference room or university lecture hall.

I was imagining a room deep within the heart of the Vatican, lit only by candles, ancient stone floors, intricate stained glass, and a faraway vaulted ceiling covered in murals and stained with centuries of candle and incense smoke.
 
2013-03-04 12:04:17 PM  

Gifted Many Few: I'm surprised they didn't put a temp pope in there in this type of situation. Millions of Catholics have no idea if they are supposed to persecute gays yet.


A pinch hitter?
 
2013-03-04 12:05:18 PM  
Meh, the Cardinals were a tired team by that point and they'd already beat out every other NL team but one. Sure, another couple wins would have made it an AWESOME season, but making it to the LCS is still a good season.

As for the Catholics, well, if they can't figure out when to start the conclave I'd expect it may take a while to actually select a new pope.
 
2013-03-04 12:05:29 PM  
The Conclave is where the Pitchers and Catchers meat.
 
2013-03-04 12:05:42 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: So that is where the Cardinals meet?  That's... dissapointing.  It doesn't look much different from an average corporate conference room or university lecture hall.

I was imagining a room deep within the heart of the Vatican, lit only by candles, ancient stone floors, intricate stained glass, and a faraway vaulted ceiling covered in murals and stained with centuries of candle and incense smoke.


I was kind of hoping for black light posters and skull bongs.
 
2013-03-04 12:06:39 PM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: TuteTibiImperes: So that is where the Cardinals meet?  That's... dissapointing.  It doesn't look much different from an average corporate conference room or university lecture hall.

I was imagining a room deep within the heart of the Vatican, lit only by candles, ancient stone floors, intricate stained glass, and a faraway vaulted ceiling covered in murals and stained with centuries of candle and incense smoke.

I was kind of hoping for black light posters and skull bongs.


Sure would explain the smoke.
 
2013-03-04 12:09:32 PM  
Oh we're talking about those Cardinals.  Okay, so pick a pope from South America or Africa.  Someone young.

And let's get back to talking about the important stuff like MLB regular season starting in 30 days.  Yeeehaaaahhhh
 
2013-03-04 12:09:58 PM  
They should know better than to start conclave.  They should always start convlex.
 
2013-03-04 12:11:20 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: So that is where the Cardinals meet?  That's... dissapointing.  It doesn't look much different from an average corporate conference room or university lecture hall.

I was imagining a room deep within the heart of the Vatican, lit only by candles, ancient stone floors, intricate stained glass, and a faraway vaulted ceiling covered in murals and stained with centuries of candle and incense smoke.


Well, for the conclave, they meet in the Sistine chapel, and it's decked out more or less exactly like that. But for this? They're old, they need their padded seats and beige.
 
2013-03-04 12:12:08 PM  
When my parish votes this Satuday, I'm selecting Joe Biden.
 
2013-03-04 12:13:07 PM  

SirEattonHogg: Oh we're talking about those Cardinals.  Okay, so pick a pope from South America or Africa.  Someone young.

And let's get back to talking about the important stuff like MLB regular season starting in 30 days.  Yeeehaaaahhhh


I'd bet against South America or Africa, actually. The church is doing fine there, they're probably going to pick somebody from North America or Europe who they think can stop the bleeding in those areas.
 
2013-03-04 12:14:57 PM  
They need a decent puppet pope. Someone with the likability of Johnny P and the iron fist of Sixtus Number Four.
 
2013-03-04 12:16:32 PM  

Shrugging Atlas: /3rd place this year, at best


The Reds then who?  The Cubs, Pirates, and Brewers at this point don't really seem that much stronger.

I do think the Reds will take the NL Central this year though.
 
2013-03-04 12:17:16 PM  
Can you imagine the amount of ego in that room?

I'm surprised they make hats that big.
 
2013-03-04 12:17:24 PM  
Forget last year's NCLS, they lost to the Nationals just yesterday.
 
2013-03-04 12:17:39 PM  

cptjeff: SirEattonHogg: Oh we're talking about those Cardinals.  Okay, so pick a pope from South America or Africa.  Someone young.

And let's get back to talking about the important stuff like MLB regular season starting in 30 days.  Yeeehaaaahhhh

I'd bet against South America or Africa, actually. The church is doing fine there, they're probably going to pick somebody from North America or Europe who they think can stop the bleeding in those areas.


Personally, I'm hoping for a black pope, because that would be awesome.
 
2013-03-04 12:18:13 PM  

cptjeff: TuteTibiImperes: So that is where the Cardinals meet?  That's... dissapointing.  It doesn't look much different from an average corporate conference room or university lecture hall.

I was imagining a room deep within the heart of the Vatican, lit only by candles, ancient stone floors, intricate stained glass, and a faraway vaulted ceiling covered in murals and stained with centuries of candle and incense smoke.

Well, for the conclave, they meet in the Sistine chapel, and it's decked out more or less exactly like that. But for this? They're old, they need their padded seats and beige.


Ah, gotcha, should've done a GIS first, my faith is restored.

/Raised Protestant, but always admired and envied the pageantry and ritual of Catholicism a little bit..
 
2013-03-04 12:19:00 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: was imagining a room deep within the heart of the Vatican, lit only by candles, ancient stone floors, intricate stained glass, and a faraway vaulted ceiling covered in murals and stained with centuries of candle and incense smoke.


That sounds like Charlie Sheens bedroom
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2013-03-04 12:24:29 PM  
Can't be a Cubs fan. They've completely forgotten that baseball can be played in October.
 
2013-03-04 12:26:17 PM  
College of Cardinals think they are all that...like they could play in the SEC.  Alabama would decimate them, they are small on the O line and have no pass rush.
 
2013-03-04 12:30:38 PM  
Pope La Russa has a nice ring to it.
 
2013-03-04 12:31:45 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: So that is where the Cardinals meet?  That's... dissapointing.  It doesn't look much different from an average corporate conference room or university lecture hall.

I was imagining a room deep within the heart of the Vatican, lit only by candles, ancient stone floors, intricate stained glass, and a faraway vaulted ceiling covered in murals and stained with centuries of candle and incense smoke.


Exactly.  You belong to an archaic, secretive group of old white men with tens of billions of dollars in assets, heavily vested in centuries-old art and architecture.  You literally employ a team to adjudicate how many "miracles" a person performed.  You wear ridiculously ornate robes and hats, and carry scepters that World of Warcraft dorks would call "a little much".  You insist on a language with a practical utility slightly above "Klingon".  You occasionally release dubiously "infallible" proclamations.

At least do something cool with it.  Throw a giant rotating crystal or something in there.  Rent a smoke machine.  Bring back the flagellating monks and have a few dozen doing their thing in the background.  Toss in some secret doors and crap.  Embrace your past and have some altar boys in gimp suits.  Anything besides the Powerpoint-and-stale-donuts gig in that picture.
 
2013-03-04 12:34:01 PM  

JohnCarter: College of Cardinals think they are all that...like they could play in the SEC.  Alabama would decimate them, they are small on the O line and have no pass rush.


This is why everybody makes fun of how ridiculously arrogant SEC fans are. Even the worst NFL team could wipe Alabama off the map.
 
2013-03-04 12:34:09 PM  
They're just worried there haven't been enough "dancing boys" imported for them. It takes a lot longer than it used to.

/The last time a pope 'resigned' you could pick them up on the corner.
 
2013-03-04 12:35:17 PM  
I'm guessing they are doing the background work of figuring out who is too dirty with kid/gay charges to move forwards.  I'm guessing it will break down into three factions, the Filth, the anti-Filth and the sycophants who just want the power.  Each side can't ask directly which team they are on, so teasing it out takes time.  Once the lines are clearly drawn, then they will go into the vote.  There is a batch of old cardinals that fall out of the Conclave at the end of the month if I remember right, so I'm guessing once a couple of them drop out, it will give one faction a plurality and the sycophants will join in to make a majority.  But will the plurality be of filth or anti-filth we'll have to see.  If I had to bet, I would bet that historically they would have conclaved right away and had a long session, while this being the internet age, they want it to be a short conclave so they are doing the hard work now.  If I'm right expect a short conclave of two days, three tops.  If they don't have the factions settled out, expect a LOT of black smoke.
 
2013-03-04 12:36:07 PM  
I'd check the Vienna Boys' Choir touring schedule and go from there
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2013-03-04 12:37:12 PM  

cptjeff: This is why everybody makes fun of how ridiculously arrogant SEC fans are. Even the worst NFL team could wipe Alabama off the map.


You've clearly never seen the Chiefs play.

Lucky bastard.
 
2013-03-04 12:40:13 PM  
cptjeff
SirEattonHogg: Oh we're talking about those Cardinals.  Okay, so pick a pope from South America or Africa.  Someone young.

And let's get back to talking about the important stuff like MLB regular season starting in 30 days.  Yeeehaaaahhhh



I'd bet against South America or Africa, actually. The church is doing fine there, they're probably going to pick somebody from North America or Europe who they think can stop the bleeding in those areas.

The problem with a European pope (especially another Italian one) is its a sign that the church can't relate with the fact that its growth membership is in S. America and Africa.  They've had Italian popes for milenium.  A European pope seems largely no different.

An American pope is interesting, but the problem there is American catholics are regarded as too liberal.  A lot of US catholics are fairly indifferent about birth control, gay rights or even abortion.  Yes, there are conservative right Catholic political groups, but had the Catholic lay persons actually listened to the priests and the political groups which way to vote, a lot of the most recent political elections in the US may have gone a different way.

The bad thing about an African pope is the brand of Christianity in Africa is pretty old school conservative stuff.  I don't know if its just the evangelicals protestants. So, yeah, its someone different wearing the pope's hat, but someone not willing to bend on some social issues.
 
2013-03-04 12:40:39 PM  

Famous Thamas: Personally, I'm hoping for a black pope, because that would be awesome.


There have been several popes born in North Africa, Syria, Palestine, etc. so it might not be as much of a historical first as people seem to think.

But, yeah.  Given the fraction of the world's Catholics that live in South America and Africa, it's getting to be the elephant in the room when the Vatican keeps selecting white EuroPopes.  Then again, they thought it was a big deal when they selected John Paul II, because he was non-Italian.  Ooooh.  Edgy.
 
2013-03-04 12:44:04 PM  

Gifted Many Few: They need a decent puppet pope. Someone with the likability of Johnny P and the iron fist of Sixtus Number Four.


Well, according to the pope prophecies (isn't there a prophecy for everything in Catholicism?) this pope's supposed to be the final boss before the end of the world.  Study out "Peter the Roman".
 
2013-03-04 12:44:15 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: /Raised Protestant, but always admired and envied the pageantry and ritual of Catholicism a little bit..


It gets tiresome, believe me. One of the many reasons Mrs. Pilates and I now call ourselves recovering Catholics (and got married outside, by a Unitarian minister - which was a bit scandalous in our family until they realized the open bar was 50 feet away from the ceremony site) is because that pageantry and ritual take precedence over everything else. Weddings, baptisms, funerals, by god, you need to get the full choreographed mass in and THEN maybe we can talk about whoever was just born/joined/died.
 
2013-03-04 12:46:40 PM  

SirEattonHogg: cptjeff
SirEattonHogg: Oh we're talking about those Cardinals.  Okay, so pick a pope from South America or Africa.  Someone young.

And let's get back to talking about the important stuff like MLB regular season starting in 30 days.  Yeeehaaaahhhh


I'd bet against South America or Africa, actually. The church is doing fine there, they're probably going to pick somebody from North America or Europe who they think can stop the bleeding in those areas.

The problem with a European pope (especially another Italian one) is its a sign that the church can't relate with the fact that its growth membership is in S. America and Africa.  They've had Italian popes for milenium.  A European pope seems largely no different.

An American pope is interesting, but the problem there is American catholics are regarded as too liberal.  A lot of US catholics are fairly indifferent about birth control, gay rights or even abortion.  Yes, there are conservative right Catholic political groups, but had the Catholic lay persons actually listened to the priests and the political groups which way to vote, a lot of the most recent political elections in the US may have gone a different way.

The bad thing about an African pope is the brand of Christianity in Africa is pretty old school conservative stuff.  I don't know if its just the evangelicals protestants. So, yeah, its someone different wearing the pope's hat, but someone not willing to bend on some social issues.


There's a Canadian who's rumoured to be a top candidate for the job.
 
2013-03-04 12:48:48 PM  
chimp_ninja  But, yeah.  Given the fraction of the world's Catholics that live in South America and Africa, it's getting to be the elephant in the room when the Vatican keeps selecting white EuroPopes.  Then again, they thought it was a big deal when they selected John Paul II, because he was non-Italian.  Ooooh.  Edgy.

Agreed.  It's kind of time they stop with the white "europope" thing. It's out of respect for the fact that its where the membership is and you have someone more interested in the issues of the church in those areas. But yeah, the Church moves real slow.  Centuries in fact.

Based on their past practices, I'm confident they will actually resolve the whole sex-pedophilia priest scandal.... in 2213.

At that time, they'll put up a statue to commemorate the victims and issue an apology in Latin.
 
2013-03-04 12:54:10 PM  
Funny, but I read "Cardinals" as "Criminals".

/need coffee
 
2013-03-04 12:54:11 PM  
cptjeff There's a Canadian who's rumoured to be a top candidate for the job.


Yeah, I heard that.  Actually by "American" I mean "USA".  Apologies to the Canadians on this thread.

American Catholics are sometimes called "Cafeteria Catholics".  They pick and choose what they want.
 
2013-03-04 12:58:02 PM  
It's called a combine, dumbass, not a "conclave".  That's not even a real word.  Francis George (University of Ottawa) can bench 325 20 times and run a 40 in 4.46.  He's the real deal.
 
2013-03-04 12:59:48 PM  
Nate Silver is on the case.  What Betting Markets are Saying About the Next Pope.

cptjeff: There's a Canadian who's rumoured to be a top candidate for the job.


Odds are at 12% on him, so you could make a pretty penny if you think you're right.

Ghana pope at 22%, Argentina pope at 7%.  Rounding out the field is a couple of other South Americans, 2 US longshots, a Mexican pope, a 55-year-old guy from the Philippines, Nigeria, and a bunch of indistinguishable Italian octogenerians.

Hopefully, the Vatican agrees to announce runner-up popes, because this would be more exciting if a superfecta was in play.
 
2013-03-04 01:00:09 PM  

treesloth: It's called a combine, dumbass, not a "conclave".  That's not even a real word.  Francis George (University of Ottawa) can bench 325 20 times and run a 40 in 4.46.  He's the real deal.


Yeah, but is he unflappable? Because the Pope is supposed to be unflappable too.
 
2013-03-04 01:00:33 PM  
img811.imageshack.us
img18.imageshack.us
img11.imageshack.us
The Giants held the Cardinals to one run in the final 28 innings of the series. In all three of those games, the Cardinals starter didn't survive long enough to throw a pitch in the fifth inning. The Cardinals finished without a hit in 11 at-bats with runners in scoring position. In the final three games of the series, they were one-for-21.
In game 7 Matt Cain hit Holliday with a pitch in retaliation for his "legal" slide into Marco Scutaro in game 2. The Giants went on to win the game 9-0.
"I'm not talking about that," Holliday said when asked.
Scutaro won the NLCS MVP award with a .500 average.
 
2013-03-04 01:06:55 PM  

show me: Yeah, but is he unflappable? Because the Pope is supposed to be unflappable too.


Well, yeah, I guess there's the question of being able to recover from errors, too.  Maybe not the best history on that.  And keeping the refs from seeing on-field "ndiscretions"?  Well, no, but he'll have lots of team support for that job.
 
2013-03-04 01:10:01 PM  

chimp_ninja: Nate Silver is on the case.  What Betting Markets are Saying About the Next Pope.

cptjeff: There's a Canadian who's rumoured to be a top candidate for the job.

Odds are at 12% on him, so you could make a pretty penny if you think you're right.

Ghana pope at 22%, Argentina pope at 7%.  Rounding out the field is a couple of other South Americans, 2 US longshots, a Mexican pope, a 55-year-old guy from the Philippines, Nigeria, and a bunch of indistinguishable Italian octogenerians.

Hopefully, the Vatican agrees to announce runner-up popes, because this would be more exciting if a superfecta was in play.


Mexico has some pretty hardcore Catholics.  There's a Mexican-American owned construction company around here and the tailgate of every one of their pickups has an airbrushed depiction of Jesus wearing the crown of thorns.  I'm surprised the Mexican cardinal isn't higher up in the ratings.
 
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