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(Daily Mail)   At last you can celebrate the REAL meaning of Easter - with Jesus eggs. Jesus   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 165
    More: Stupid, Easter, Waitrose, Hereford, supermarkets  
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9685 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Mar 2013 at 9:48 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-04 11:38:47 AM

Carn: Me too.  Easter doesn't do much for me though, since I'm not a huge candy guy and our family dinners weren't nearly as awesome as Thanksgiving and Christmas.  However, if they really want me to get serious about Easter then I'm gonna need a day off for it.  How about the Monday after Easter is always a federal holiday, but we'll call it "Spring Traditions Day" so if you want to be Pagan, or celebrate some other way knock yourself out.We definitely need a holiday (with a day off) between Presidents Day and Memorial Day.  We also need one in August.  We can call it "Holy shiat Balls It's farking Hot Today" and I nominate the second Monday in August.


We get Good Friday and Easter Monday off around here - well a good chunk of people anyway, shops are mostly open because lots of people off work makes for better than average takings I presume.
 
2013-03-04 11:39:07 AM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-03-04 11:41:30 AM

Slaxl: I don't know wtf eggs have to do with Easter, but it's clear their plan isn't about reconnecting children with Jesus' eggs


Dafuq?
 
2013-03-04 11:42:36 AM

megarian: "I've been traveling a lot lately. I was over in Australia during Easter. It was interesting to note they celebrate Easter the same way we do; commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now, I wonder why we're farked up as a race. You know, I've read the Bible. I can't find the words 'bunny' or 'chocolate' anywhere in the farking book. Where do you come up with this shiat? Why those two things? Why not 'Goldfish left Lincoln Logs in your sock drawer'? As long as we're making shiat up, go hog wild. At least a goldfish with a Lincoln Log on its back crawling across your floor to your sock drawer has a miraculous connotation to it!"


/There is more money in using our invisible sky wizard to sell commercial products than there is to worship him, so they came up with a marketing scheme. Make a buck off the lord, that's what i say.
 
2013-03-04 11:45:44 AM

Slaxl: I may be an atheist but i'm all for people having religious holidays as they like. It seems silly to me that we should insist the religious aspects of Christmas be stripped away. It's their holiday. I don't know wtf eggs have to do with Easter, but it's clear their plan isn't about reconnecting children with Jesus' eggs, it's about reminding people that Easter isn't about eggs, it's about Jesus death and resurrection  If they want to fight back against rampant commercialisation stripping their holy times of all meaning then I support that.

Right up until the day religion is abolished I'll be completely in support of equality amongst religions. Then every day I can have a chocolate egg, no longer will it be bound by the oppressive chains of a religious holiday, but free to roam the shelves in traditionally un-eggy months like May, August, even September! This is a good thing.

Now I have to go and buy some chocolate eggs, because I love them more than muslims love Mohammed.


Yeah that's a great sentiment and all but the thing here is that christians are co-opting a different, older holiday and overwriting it with their own. The reason eggs and pine trees are so farking confusing when it comes to easter and christmas is that they aren't christian tradiations or christian holidays. The religion superimposed their own celebrations over others.

Or maybe it's a total coincidence that the church moved their holidays to equinoxes and solstices where people have been celebrating winter and spring festivals for thousands on thousands of years and their thousand-year long misinformation campaign is actually tolerant of other traditions and they're just totally joining in on it.

Or are we just being tolerant of abramahic religions and it's PC to tell the rest of those douche nozzles to fark themselves?

Here's what christmas would look like if you stripped away the religious significance: everyone would get along. Except at family dinners.

If you stripped away all non-religious significant rituals from christmas you can get rid of: santa, gift exchange, goodwill towards fellow people, trees, cheerful decorations, family events and anything that doesn't involve sitting in a church or your own room at home (depending on your alignment with Rome/Byzantium) and praying for 12 hours.

There's a good reason people don't pay much attention to the religious co-opting of christians in midwinter/yule/winter festival/xmas - because it's farking boring and winter is already cold and dark and depressing. People want to drink and game and remind themselves that the farking sun will come out in a few months.

Anyway, jesus eggs became creepy after watching the stop motion commercial.
 
2013-03-04 11:46:13 AM
Real Jesus Easter eggs would just be empty shells. He is not hatched. He has risen.
 
2013-03-04 11:47:15 AM
www.wired.com
www.wired.com
 
2013-03-04 11:47:24 AM
Great! People trying to ruin another holiday with religion.

No wonder Joseph wasn't to pissed about someone knocking up his bimbo though... she was laying chocolate eggs. I wouldn't feel threatened by a chocolate egg either! Might be worried if my wife wasn't laying white-chocolate eggs though.

This also explains the phrase "the temptation of christ"... how did Joseph resist eating Jesus before he hatched?
 
2013-03-04 11:48:11 AM

xria: Carn: Me too.  Easter doesn't do much for me though, since I'm not a huge candy guy and our family dinners weren't nearly as awesome as Thanksgiving and Christmas.  However, if they really want me to get serious about Easter then I'm gonna need a day off for it.  How about the Monday after Easter is always a federal holiday, but we'll call it "Spring Traditions Day" so if you want to be Pagan, or celebrate some other way knock yourself out.We definitely need a holiday (with a day off) between Presidents Day and Memorial Day.  We also need one in August.  We can call it "Holy shiat Balls It's farking Hot Today" and I nominate the second Monday in August.

We get Good Friday and Easter Monday off around here - well a good chunk of people anyway, shops are mostly open because lots of people off work makes for better than average takings I presume.


We close Th and Fr at Tgiving, a 4 day holiday.  Xmas Eve and Xmas, too, depends on what day xmas is, and NY.  Ppl don't work anyway, might as well stay home.
 
2013-03-04 11:48:25 AM
I'm kind of surprised that the UK is weighing those things without using the metric system. They're 3.99 pounds, and that's a shiat-ton of chocolate for one sitting.

I wonder how much they cost?
 
2013-03-04 11:49:57 AM

FARK rebel soldier: [www.wired.com image 231x248]
[www.wired.com image 465x502]


That's right: You stop believing mom and dad and they'll move your ass straight to Juvey.
 
2013-03-04 11:50:01 AM
slaymyboredom.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-03-04 11:51:27 AM

StaleCoffee: People want to drink and game and remind themselves that the farking sun will come out in a few months.


Well, yeah, but the Abrahamic holidays that the christians first co-opted included lots of drinking and partying and whatnot. But, just like christians do to everything else, they sucked all the fun out of it and replaced it with pointless ritual. I mean, the pagan holidays were a LOT better than the christian versions of them, too.
 
2013-03-04 11:52:18 AM

give me doughnuts: Molavian: We get it, you hate christians.

How edgy.


It's not hate. It's mockery and contempt.


Which is hipster speak for the same thing.
 
2013-03-04 11:52:18 AM

stonicus: Easter is a celebration of the first zombie!!


I think that as an undead magic user, Jesus is technically a litch.
 
2013-03-04 11:52:36 AM

megarian: "I've been traveling a lot lately. I was over in Australia during Easter. It was interesting to note they celebrate Easter the same way we do; commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now, I wonder why we're farked up as a race. You know, I've read the Bible. I can't find the words 'bunny' or 'chocolate' anywhere in the farking book. Where do you come up with this shiat? Why those two things? Why not 'Goldfish left Lincoln Logs in your sock drawer'? As long as we're making shiat up, go hog wild. At least a goldfish with a Lincoln Log on its back crawling across your floor to your sock drawer has a miraculous connotation to it!"


That's the story of Jesus.
 
2013-03-04 11:55:26 AM

Molavian: We get it, you hate christians.

How edgy.


Edgy should be in quotes... sarcastiquotes. lol.
 
2013-03-04 11:57:19 AM
So God, Jesus, Holy ghost... all manifestations of same thing.

God gets Jesus's mum preggers.

Does that make Jesus a mother fu...
 
2013-03-04 11:57:31 AM
www.thaliatook.com
 
2013-03-04 12:01:49 PM

natazha: Krymson Tyde: I love how Christians celebrate their two holiest days.

 By stealing pagan holidays and pigging out?


They're not stealing our holidays. Unlike many of the Christers, most of us know how to share with those different than we are and enjoy it when others celebrate with us, even if they use different names for who and what they are celebrating. It kind of goes with polytheism and a lot of us are various forms of polytheist. There are monotheistic Pagans and Heathens, but not as many of them. (I've only met Odinists who were monotheistic, and I think they were closer to soft polytheists, really)
 
2013-03-04 12:05:55 PM
This thread useless without

i46.tinypic.com
 
2013-03-04 12:13:17 PM

hdhale: give me doughnuts: Molavian: We get it, you hate christians.

How edgy.


It's not hate. It's mockery and contempt.

Which is hipster speak for the same thing.



See if you can spot the difference.

Persecution:
i105.photobucket.com

Not persecution:
i105.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-04 12:15:44 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-04 12:16:51 PM

Bit'O'Gristle: megarian: "I've been traveling a lot lately. I was over in Australia during Easter. It was interesting to note they celebrate Easter the same way we do; commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now, I wonder why we're farked up as a race. You know, I've read the Bible. I can't find the words 'bunny' or 'chocolate' anywhere in the farking book. Where do you come up with this shiat? Why those two things? Why not 'Goldfish left Lincoln Logs in your sock drawer'? As long as we're making shiat up, go hog wild. At least a goldfish with a Lincoln Log on its back crawling across your floor to your sock drawer has a miraculous connotation to it!"

/There is more money in using our invisible sky wizard to sell commercial products than there is to worship him, so they came up with a marketing scheme. Make a buck off the lord, that's what i say.


New idea:

It's gonna be like the Bunny Ranch...but Jesus-themed. All the T&A... none of the guilt?! Hmm...needs work.
 
2013-03-04 12:22:46 PM

blahpers: [i.imgur.com image 350x335]


Bravo
 
2013-03-04 12:25:17 PM

blahpers: i.imgur.com


www.thestate.ae
 
2013-03-04 12:31:31 PM
Now I want a Cadbury Egg.
 
2013-03-04 12:34:38 PM
Have any of you Americans (I'm one) been to a Tescos? I know it's just a grocery store and should be just like shopping in the US with other whiteys, but that chain bewildered me. There I was, all educated and sh*t, trying figure out the basics of getting groceries.

/has problems at the local supermarket, too, so it's probably just me
 
2013-03-04 12:35:32 PM
So, you boil these eggs, dye them and then in three days, they hatch anyway. Right?
 
2013-03-04 12:38:53 PM

bdub77: On the other hand google image search for "Jesus Eggs" provides gems like this:


I lol'd. Am I going to hell?
 
2013-03-04 12:40:39 PM

tonguedepressor: I don't have any Jesus eggs, I do have "Oh Christ STOP' Get it out of me for f*x sakes, oh my god its too f*cking late" sperm though.


I tend not to use vibrating eggs on easter...
 
2013-03-04 12:41:13 PM
Has anyone pointed out yet that Christian holidays seem to have been strategically placed on the calendar to coincide with the holidays of other religions that Christians wanted to convert?  Because I'd like to be the first person in history to point this out and claim the prize.
 
2013-03-04 12:43:19 PM

trappedspirit: Has anyone pointed out yet that Christian holidays seem to have been strategically placed on the calendar to coincide with the holidays of other religions that Christians wanted to convert?  Because I'd like to be the first person in history to point this out and claim the prize.


Here you go:

+1 Intardweb
 
2013-03-04 12:46:37 PM

bedtundy: AbbeySomeone: AbbeySomeone: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=david%20sedaris%20easter&sourc e =web&cd=1&ved=0CDEQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv %3DN5apZmwR9UI&ei=d8M0UYPvFqzTigLR0YDADg&usg=AFQjCNGxB84RxULf2VtdLnpFe hv6vcEJWw&bvm=bv.43148975,d.cGE&cad=rja

Not sure wth happened, I intended to post a link to David Sedaris 'Jesus Shaves'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5apZmwR9UI

/just waking up.

Shocked this wasn't posted sooner.  First thing I thought of.

/loves David Sedaris



If you're interested in non-fictional stories (travelogues, autobiographies, that sort of thing), and you haven't read Sedairs yet, you should (obviously directed less at the people I'm quoting since they clearly HAVE read Sedaris).  It's a curious thing, but for some reasons his are some of the very few non-fiction books you can easily find in English in Korea and Japan.  Or at least that was the case a few years ago.  Which in a way is a good thing, as I had never even heard of him until I bought one of his books because it was just about the only non-fiction I could find in a language I could read.  If I had never gone to Asia I might not have ever discovered him.
 
2013-03-04 12:46:52 PM

dickfreckle: Have any of you Americans (I'm one) been to a Tescos? I know it's just a grocery store and should be just like shopping in the US with other whiteys, but that chain bewildered me. There I was, all educated and sh*t, trying figure out the basics of getting groceries.

/has problems at the local supermarket, too, so it's probably just me


Yeah, it's probably just you. Menfolk like you were one of the reasons the desperate old maid ladies' magazines used to tell the womenfolk one of the best places to meet an eligible man was at the grocery store, usually staring all frightened and confused at the wonderful, spherical things that were not boobs.

/like a deer in headlights, some of ya are
//especially if you're thinking about boobs
 
2013-03-04 12:50:18 PM

beerrun: Wyckyd Sceptre: [www.landoverbaptist.org image 280x331]

Thanks for the good laugh.
That's hilarious!

/glad I'm alone at work, my boss is a Jesus freak.


Still laughing, myself. Think I'll post it on FB & see how long it lasts lol.
 
2013-03-04 12:56:31 PM
The real meaning of Easter is "Always look on the bright side of life".
 
2013-03-04 12:57:36 PM

CeroX: tonguedepressor: I don't have any Jesus eggs, I do have "Oh Christ STOP' Get it out of me for f*x sakes, oh my god its too f*cking late" sperm though.

I tend not to use vibrating eggs on easter...


That's the best time to use them. You know... to show Jesus you're thankful. Really really thankful.
 
2013-03-04 01:00:35 PM

JackieRabbit: So, you boil these eggs, dye them and then in three days, they hatch anyway. Right?


I'm guessing, they should have turned into chocolate eggs before three days has passed.
 
2013-03-04 01:08:41 PM

uncoveror: The real meaning of Easter is "Always look on the bright side of life".


*whistles*

dee dee, dede, dedede dee
 
2013-03-04 01:09:54 PM

penguinfark: bdub77: On the other hand google image search for "Jesus Eggs" provides gems like this:

I lol'd. Am I going to hell?


You were anyway, so this changes nothing.
 
2013-03-04 01:12:21 PM

Real Women Drink Akvavit: dickfreckle: Have any of you Americans (I'm one) been to a Tescos? I know it's just a grocery store and should be just like shopping in the US with other whiteys, but that chain bewildered me. There I was, all educated and sh*t, trying figure out the basics of getting groceries.

/has problems at the local supermarket, too, so it's probably just me

Yeah, it's probably just you. Menfolk like you were one of the reasons the desperate old maid ladies' magazines used to tell the womenfolk one of the best places to meet an eligible man was at the grocery store, usually staring all frightened and confused at the wonderful, spherical things that were not boobs.

/like a deer in headlights, some of ya are
//especially if you're thinking about boobs



Hey, I was only staring intently at the frozen orange juice because I'd read the label and it said "concentrate."
 
2013-03-04 01:13:40 PM

hdhale: give me doughnuts: Molavian: We get it, you hate christians.

How edgy.


It's not hate. It's mockery and contempt.

Which is hipster speak for the same thing.



I don't have any vinyl albums, skinny jeans, or a handlebar mustache, so I can't be a hipster. Besides, I can't think of anything I liked before it was cool.

And it is different. To hate something, you have to care about it
 
2013-03-04 01:14:27 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-04 01:16:46 PM

Real Women Drink Akvavit: /like a deer in headlights, some of ya are
//especially if you're thinking about boobs


Mmm.......boobs.
 
2013-03-04 01:21:34 PM

StaleCoffee: If you stripped away all non-religious significant rituals from christmas you can get rid of: santa, gift exchange, goodwill towards fellow people, trees, cheerful decorations, family events and anything that doesn't involve sitting in a church or your own room at home (depending on your alignment with Rome/Byzantium) and praying for 12 hours.


Define religious.

Because gift exchange, goodwill towards fellow people, family events, and all the nonsense about mounting stars from rickety ladders all falls out of Christian dogma and the birth story. We can debate whether that's a religious aspect or not, but it's as religious as the non-prayer aspects of any other faith's rituals.
 
2013-03-04 01:26:25 PM
The Christian haven't stolen anything. The pagans have triumphed by convincing Christians to celebrate pagan festivals in direct disobedience to the Bible and God's teaching. Very smart, actually.
 
2013-03-04 01:38:52 PM

Psycoholic_Slag: I like how the Christians get all uppity when people continue to recognize the traditions of the original pagan holidays the the Catholic Church piggy-backed on to.


One of the things we neo-Pagans are  very well aware of is that our ancestors' beliefs lives on in Christianity--and that it happened because, when someone points a sword at you and tells you to convert, you do whatever you have to in order to keep your faith alive. That's not a religious 'oh, all religions are REALLY just ours' thing, either, that's something we  actually studied in anthropology class with a group of Brazilian natives who'd done the same thing, and we do understand very well that European faiths did it too.

That said, in modern day, we're  laughing up our sleeves happy to share (well, okay, we're actually pretty much totally happy to share, since you guys mass-produced chocolate for most of the major holidays, and fark it, chocolate's awesome), but ffs, it's not like Christians have a right to be offended at the 'pagan roots' of things that only exist because they couldn't STFU and let other people have their own religions.

/Really, we are happy to share, but seriously. STFU and eat the chocolate like the rest of us.
 
2013-03-04 01:38:59 PM
As long as I get my Cadbury Mini Eggs, I couldn't care less what they put on the packaging. Just give me my chocolate, and back away slowly.
 
2013-03-04 01:46:32 PM
Wikipedia: The egg was a symbol of the rebirth of the earth in Pagan celebrations of spring and was adopted by early Christians as a symbol of the rebirth of man at Easter. So the Christian are trying to reclaim the symbol from the Pagans that they stole in and then lost again. Good luck with that.
 
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