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(Daily Mail)   At last you can celebrate the REAL meaning of Easter - with Jesus eggs. Jesus   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 165
    More: Stupid, Easter, Waitrose, Hereford, supermarkets  
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9680 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Mar 2013 at 9:48 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-04 10:38:35 AM
now that makes no sense

i guess Jesus now takes the pace of Ēostre's  rabbit lover?
 
2013-03-04 10:38:46 AM
Easter is a celebration of the first zombie!!
 
2013-03-04 10:41:17 AM
We all know that the bunny rolled the rock out of the way of his tomb.  So, he made breakfast for the little guy.
 
2013-03-04 10:42:05 AM
what came first, the jesus or the egg
 
2013-03-04 10:42:36 AM
wow do people biatch and moan. there are a lot of really special Holy Days the Church has already ceased. how quickly they forget!

Wycliffe the Heretic Book Burning Day
Dead Languages: Great Unwashed Uneducated Can't Read Teh Bible Week
Get Out Of Jail Free: Indulgences = Donations Sunday, Sunday, Sunday
Knights Templar Killed, We Take Your Stuff January Bring-A-Cake Celebration
Galileo House Arrest Pot Luck Dinner
Joan of Arc July Bar-B-Q
Jan Hus Burnt Stake Dinner
William Tyndale Burnt Stake Bible Summer Camp
Inquisition Convert or Die Church Membership Drive
Medieval Witch Hunts Fun Times Remembrance Mass
 
2013-03-04 10:43:15 AM

Dead for Tax Reasons: what came first, the jesus or the egg


 jesus , what with being their prior to the creation of earf
 
2013-03-04 10:45:27 AM

lovefirststool: The truth is that Jesus LOVED chocolate. He actually was the first to coin the phrase 'chocoholic' in Aramaic. If they hadn't nailed him through that foot, he probably would have lost it to diabeetus anyway.


Which he made of course using the cocoa beans he got from the secret trade route run by the lost tribes of Israel from the region of the Mayans to ancient Egypt, of course.
 
2013-03-04 10:45:48 AM

megarian: Now, I wonder why we're farked up as a race. You know, I've read the Bible. I can't find the words 'bunny' or 'chocolate' anywhere in the farking book. Where do you come up with this shiat?


Slaxl: I don't know wtf eggs have to do with Easter


It's because Easter -- like every other Christian holiday -- came from the Roman Empire and in order to placate the existing Roman religion they found it far easier to just co-opt all the festivals on the Calendar rather than force the populace to forego tradition in favor of new ones.

It's unlikely that Jesus was born on December 25 or executed in the spring. No one knows the exact dates of whatever in his life occurred when. Christmas co-opted the Festival of Saturnalia (which involved gift-giving and merrymaking) and Easter supplanted spring festivals of rebirth and rejuvenation (hence eggs and rabbits, two ubiquitous symbols of birth and fertility).
 
2013-03-04 10:54:07 AM
Well whoop de farking do, type a tube article about it and post it to fark.
Is this just advertising now, or?
Seriously why am I even seeing this shiat on my news congolomerate. Is it supposed to be funny? Cos I don't get it.
 
2013-03-04 10:54:33 AM
 Kinder Eggs > easter eggs.
 
2013-03-04 10:55:18 AM
oi48.tinypic.com
 
2013-03-04 10:55:20 AM
 
2013-03-04 10:56:13 AM

Krymson Tyde: I love how Christians celebrate their two holiest days.


 By stealing pagan holidays and pigging out?
 
2013-03-04 10:56:16 AM

vudukungfu: Kinder Eggs > easter eggs.


i.onfinite.com
 
2013-03-04 10:59:44 AM
Easter's nice, but I prefer Kung Fu Jesus, for my Jesusing needs.
 
2013-03-04 11:00:04 AM

texdent: The true meaning of Easter


While the penis-encumbered me loved that video of Kate Upton, the borderline-OCD dad me nearly had a panic attack watching her roll around in all that Easter "grass." Gah. I hate that stuff. I find it scattered throughout the house well past Saint Swithins day.
 
2013-03-04 11:00:12 AM

AbbeySomeone: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=david%20sedaris%20easter&sourc e =web&cd=1&ved=0CDEQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv %3DN5apZmwR9UI&ei=d8M0UYPvFqzTigLR0YDADg&usg=AFQjCNGxB84RxULf2VtdLnpFe hv6vcEJWw&bvm=bv.43148975,d.cGE&cad=rja


Not sure wth happened, I intended to post a link to David Sedaris 'Jesus Shaves'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5apZmwR9UI

/just waking up.
 
2013-03-04 11:00:28 AM

Molavian: We get it, you hate christians.

How edgy.



It's not hate. It's mockery and contempt.
 
2013-03-04 11:00:51 AM

Slaxl: I may be an atheist but i'm all for people having religious holidays as they like. It seems silly to me that we should insist the religious aspects of Christmas be stripped away. It's their holiday. I don't know wtf eggs have to do with Easter, but it's clear their plan isn't about reconnecting children with Jesus' eggs, it's about reminding people that Easter isn't about eggs, it's about Jesus death and resurrection  If they want to fight back against rampant commercialisation stripping their holy times of all meaning then I support that.

Right up until the day religion is abolished I'll be completely in support of equality amongst religions. Then every day I can have a chocolate egg, no longer will it be bound by the oppressive chains of a religious holiday, but free to roam the shelves in traditionally un-eggy months like May, August, even September! This is a good thing.

Now I have to go and buy some chocolate eggs, because I love them more than muslims love Mohammed.


Yeah, it is not that we give a shiat what Christians do with their time, it is we give a shiat that they get special privileges to use government resources, i.e. land, money, and time, to push their religious message into public spaces, public schools, and public buildings. Mostly the "War On Christmas" is about Christians whining about their special privileges being stripped away or having to share those spaces and privileges with others.
 
2013-03-04 11:03:22 AM

fruitloop: I had no idea that Jesuses laid eggs.


I could be wrong, but I believe the plural of Jesus is Jesusi. Like cacti or hippopotami.

"This years Gathering of the Jesusi really started rocking once Moses and the Flaming Bushes took the stage!"
 
2013-03-04 11:03:25 AM

Slaves2Darkness: Slaxl: I may be an atheist but i'm all for people having religious holidays as they like. It seems silly to me that we should insist the religious aspects of Christmas be stripped away. It's their holiday. I don't know wtf eggs have to do with Easter, but it's clear their plan isn't about reconnecting children with Jesus' eggs, it's about reminding people that Easter isn't about eggs, it's about Jesus death and resurrection  If they want to fight back against rampant commercialisation stripping their holy times of all meaning then I support that.

Right up until the day religion is abolished I'll be completely in support of equality amongst religions. Then every day I can have a chocolate egg, no longer will it be bound by the oppressive chains of a religious holiday, but free to roam the shelves in traditionally un-eggy months like May, August, even September! This is a good thing.

Now I have to go and buy some chocolate eggs, because I love them more than muslims love Mohammed.

Yeah, it is not that we give a shiat what Christians do with their time, it is we give a shiat that they get special privileges to use government resources, i.e. land, money, and time, to push their religious message into public spaces, public schools, and public buildings. Mostly the "War On Christmas" is about Christians whining about their special privileges being stripped away or having to share those spaces and privileges with others.


I'm pro-holiday, for any reason, most of the time.
 
2013-03-04 11:04:48 AM

KrispyKritter: Wycliffe the Heretic Book Burning Day



Don't forget "Wycliffe 2: Bone Crushing Boogaloo!"
 
2013-03-04 11:05:36 AM

Molavian: We get it, you hate christians.

How edgy.


Aw, are you feeling put-upon by people mocking your brand of made-up nonsense?  Maybe Mommy will give you hugs and make it all better...
 
2013-03-04 11:06:59 AM
Did anyone else skip the article and go straight for the Kate Upton body paint video?  No?  Alright then.
 
2013-03-04 11:08:41 AM

Molavian: We get it, you hate christians.

How edgy.


Nope, just think they're a little silly
 
2013-03-04 11:10:57 AM
Jesus was a good egg.
 
2013-03-04 11:12:32 AM
Can we get an egg that tells the story of Oester? Talks about pagan fertility gods, and stuff that is actually responsible for the holiday? What, christians don't have enough actual holidays, they have to steal pagan ones, too? I wonder how long it's going to be before there's some christian justification for celebrating halloween and it becomes thought of as a christian holiday, too.
 
2013-03-04 11:14:51 AM
is it made by cadbury? those are either the most awesome candy eggs...or the most disgusting. depending on your opinion of the bacteria that makes it gooey.
 
2013-03-04 11:15:25 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-04 11:15:46 AM

fruitloop: I had no idea that Jesuses laid eggs.


Came for this. Satisfied.
 
2013-03-04 11:16:41 AM

Inflatable Rhetoric: Slaves2Darkness: Slaxl: I may be an atheist but i'm all for people having religious holidays as they like. It seems silly to me that we should insist the religious aspects of Christmas be stripped away. It's their holiday. I don't know wtf eggs have to do with Easter, but it's clear their plan isn't about reconnecting children with Jesus' eggs, it's about reminding people that Easter isn't about eggs, it's about Jesus death and resurrection  If they want to fight back against rampant commercialisation stripping their holy times of all meaning then I support that.

Right up until the day religion is abolished I'll be completely in support of equality amongst religions. Then every day I can have a chocolate egg, no longer will it be bound by the oppressive chains of a religious holiday, but free to roam the shelves in traditionally un-eggy months like May, August, even September! This is a good thing.

Now I have to go and buy some chocolate eggs, because I love them more than muslims love Mohammed.

Yeah, it is not that we give a shiat what Christians do with their time, it is we give a shiat that they get special privileges to use government resources, i.e. land, money, and time, to push their religious message into public spaces, public schools, and public buildings. Mostly the "War On Christmas" is about Christians whining about their special privileges being stripped away or having to share those spaces and privileges with others.

I'm pro-holiday, for any reason, most of the time.


Me too.  Easter doesn't do much for me though, since I'm not a huge candy guy and our family dinners weren't nearly as awesome as Thanksgiving and Christmas.  However, if they really want me to get serious about Easter then I'm gonna need a day off for it.  How about the Monday after Easter is always a federal holiday, but we'll call it "Spring Traditions Day" so if you want to be Pagan, or celebrate some other way knock yourself out.

We definitely need a holiday (with a day off) between Presidents Day and Memorial Day.  We also need one in August.  We can call it "Holy shiat Balls It's farking Hot Today" and I nominate the second Monday in August.
 
2013-03-04 11:16:53 AM

LovingTeacher: Molavian: We get it, you hate christians.

How edgy.

Nope, just think they're a little silly


Especially when the start off deliberately hijacking other religions/cultures holidays, and then spend the rest of time complaining how their holidays and the "pagan" ones got mixed up. Maybe you should take that up with the people that found it convenient to do so when they started spreading your religion and not whine about it to the rest of us?
 
2013-03-04 11:20:23 AM

untaken_name: Can we get an egg that tells the story of Oester? Talks about pagan fertility gods, and stuff that is actually responsible for the holiday? What, christians don't have enough actual holidays, they have to steal pagan ones, too? I wonder how long it's going to be before there's some christian justification for celebrating halloween and it becomes thought of as a christian holiday, too.


"Hallowe'en" is a contraction of "All Hallows Even," the night before All Hallows/Saints Day, rather a big deal to some denominations. So yeah, sorry, but they've sunk a hook into that one as well.
 
2013-03-04 11:20:27 AM
"Major supermarkets to stock product with Jesus on the packaging for the first time"

To be fair, the writer is a Brit who has probably never seen a supermarket in a Hispanic neighborhood.
 
2013-03-04 11:21:27 AM

Lord Thorn: untaken_name: Can we get an egg that tells the story of Oester? Talks about pagan fertility gods, and stuff that is actually responsible for the holiday? What, christians don't have enough actual holidays, they have to steal pagan ones, too? I wonder how long it's going to be before there's some christian justification for celebrating halloween and it becomes thought of as a christian holiday, too.

"Hallowe'en" is a contraction of "All Hallows Even," the night before All Hallows/Saints Day, rather a big deal to some denominations. So yeah, sorry, but they've sunk a hook into that one as well.


god dammit
 
2013-03-04 11:21:37 AM
Someone needs to make a crucifix chocolate candy that's cherry filled.

Just to create the ultimate level of wrongness.
 
2013-03-04 11:26:30 AM
FloydA:
Seriously!  You'd think they would work to stop stores from selling cheap, kitschy crap by sticking a Jesus on it.  It seems to me like that cheapens the whole religion.
img404.imageshack.us
 
2013-03-04 11:26:57 AM

megarian: "I've been traveling a lot lately. I was over in Australia during Easter. It was interesting to note they celebrate Easter the same way we do; commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now, I wonder why we're farked up as a race. You know, I've read the Bible. I can't find the words 'bunny' or 'chocolate' anywhere in the farking book. Where do you come up with this shiat? Why those two things? Why not 'Goldfish left Lincoln Logs in your sock drawer'? As long as we're making shiat up, go hog wild. At least a goldfish with a Lincoln Log on its back crawling across your floor to your sock drawer has a miraculous connotation to it!"


It's called "Ripping off a pagan religion".
 
2013-03-04 11:27:01 AM

Ishkur: megarian: Now, I wonder why we're farked up as a race. You know, I've read the Bible. I can't find the words 'bunny' or 'chocolate' anywhere in the farking book. Where do you come up with this shiat?

Slaxl: I don't know wtf eggs have to do with Easter

It's because Easter -- like every other Christian holiday -- came from the Roman Empire and in order to placate the existing Roman religion they found it far easier to just co-opt all the festivals on the Calendar rather than force the populace to forego tradition in favor of new ones.

It's unlikely that Jesus was born on December 25 or executed in the spring. No one knows the exact dates of whatever in his life occurred when. Christmas co-opted the Festival of Saturnalia (which involved gift-giving and merrymaking) and Easter supplanted spring festivals of rebirth and rejuvenation (hence eggs and rabbits, two ubiquitous symbols of birth and fertility).


(I understand. I was just quoting the late Bill Hicks. And that's the story of Jesus.)
 
2013-03-04 11:27:25 AM

Carn: Inflatable Rhetoric: Slaves2Darkness: Slaxl: I may be an atheist but i'm all for people having religious holidays as they like. It seems silly to me that we should insist the religious aspects of Christmas be stripped away. It's their holiday. I don't know wtf eggs have to do with Easter, but it's clear their plan isn't about reconnecting children with Jesus' eggs, it's about reminding people that Easter isn't about eggs, it's about Jesus death and resurrection  If they want to fight back against rampant commercialisation stripping their holy times of all meaning then I support that.

Right up until the day religion is abolished I'll be completely in support of equality amongst religions. Then every day I can have a chocolate egg, no longer will it be bound by the oppressive chains of a religious holiday, but free to roam the shelves in traditionally un-eggy months like May, August, even September! This is a good thing.

Now I have to go and buy some chocolate eggs, because I love them more than muslims love Mohammed.

Yeah, it is not that we give a shiat what Christians do with their time, it is we give a shiat that they get special privileges to use government resources, i.e. land, money, and time, to push their religious message into public spaces, public schools, and public buildings. Mostly the "War On Christmas" is about Christians whining about their special privileges being stripped away or having to share those spaces and privileges with others.

I'm pro-holiday, for any reason, most of the time.

Me too.  Easter doesn't do much for me though, since I'm not a huge candy guy and our family dinners weren't nearly as awesome as Thanksgiving and Christmas.  However, if they really want me to get serious about Easter then I'm gonna need a day off for it.  How about the Monday after Easter is always a federal holiday, but we'll call it "Spring Traditions Day" so if you want to be Pagan, or celebrate some other way knock yourself out.

We definitely need a holiday ...


Easter is Sunday, but Good Friday makes it a 3-day weekend.
I agree, it's a long time between New Years Day and Easter.
 
2013-03-04 11:27:53 AM

Felgraf: Someone needs to make a crucifix chocolate candy that's cherry filled.

Just to create the ultimate level of wrongness.


Someone needs to make a plastic Jesus with rabbit ears, and when you pull his arm down, he poops jelly beans.
 
2013-03-04 11:29:02 AM

AbbeySomeone: AbbeySomeone: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=david%20sedaris%20easter&sourc e =web&cd=1&ved=0CDEQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv %3DN5apZmwR9UI&ei=d8M0UYPvFqzTigLR0YDADg&usg=AFQjCNGxB84RxULf2VtdLnpFe hv6vcEJWw&bvm=bv.43148975,d.cGE&cad=rja

Not sure wth happened, I intended to post a link to David Sedaris 'Jesus Shaves'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5apZmwR9UI

/just waking up.


Shocked this wasn't posted sooner.  First thing I thought of.

/loves David Sedaris
//NO!  not in that way...NTTAWWT (yes I do know that he is gay)
///have all his books (re-reading Holidays on Ice currently)
 
2013-03-04 11:29:07 AM
I like how what makes this "real" is nothing more than a comic being included. Seriously  they mention the religious part, and that makes it "real", although it's just a chocolate egg otherwise. Big farking deal, get down off of your soapbox. Jesus, you really can piss on religious wackos' heads and convince them it's raining.
 
2013-03-04 11:29:39 AM

Mikey1969: megarian: "I've been traveling a lot lately. I was over in Australia during Easter. It was interesting to note they celebrate Easter the same way we do; commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now, I wonder why we're farked up as a race. You know, I've read the Bible. I can't find the words 'bunny' or 'chocolate' anywhere in the farking book. Where do you come up with this shiat? Why those two things? Why not 'Goldfish left Lincoln Logs in your sock drawer'? As long as we're making shiat up, go hog wild. At least a goldfish with a Lincoln Log on its back crawling across your floor to your sock drawer has a miraculous connotation to it!"

It's called "Ripping off a pagan religion".


Cool. I'll let him know...
 
2013-03-04 11:30:47 AM
so, can I hatch my own Jesus?


/my lawn's looking a little rough
 
2013-03-04 11:31:57 AM

Slaxl: I may be an atheist but i'm all for people having religious holidays as they like. It seems silly to me that we should insist the religious aspects of Christmas be stripped away. It's their holiday. I don't know wtf eggs have to do with Easter, but it's clear their plan isn't about reconnecting children with Jesus' eggs, it's about reminding people that Easter isn't about eggs, it's about Jesus death and resurrection  If they want to fight back against rampant commercialisation stripping their holy times of all meaning then I support that.

Right up until the day religion is abolished I'll be completely in support of equality amongst religions. Then every day I can have a chocolate egg, no longer will it be bound by the oppressive chains of a religious holiday, but free to roam the shelves in traditionally un-eggy months like May, August, even September! This is a good thing.

Now I have to go and buy some chocolate eggs, because I love them more than muslims love Mohammed.


It's a Spring fertility holiday ripped off and Christianized... If you look at it that way, it makes perfect sense to use eggs. They are a good metaphor for new life, and Spring is all about rebirth. Nothing to do with Jesus, though.
 
2013-03-04 11:33:04 AM

Inflatable Rhetoric: Easter is Sunday, but Good Friday makes it a 3-day weekend.
I agree, it's a long time between New Years Day and Easter.


Good Friday works too but since Easter is the big day I figured that would be the day that the Catholics would want it centered around.

While we're at it, can we get the Friday after Thanksgiving turned into a holiday?  Barring that, how about Thanksgiving is Friday instead of Thursday?  None of who travel ever work that Friday.  It's silly.
 
2013-03-04 11:37:51 AM

Wellon Dowd: Have a sexy Easter!

[i.imgur.com image 500x350]

And one for the ladies.

[i.imgur.com image 300x339]


Thanks. I'd like to see her shoot an Easter egg across the room.
 
2013-03-04 11:38:09 AM

untaken_name: Lord Thorn: untaken_name: Can we get an egg that tells the story of Oester? Talks about pagan fertility gods, and stuff that is actually responsible for the holiday? What, christians don't have enough actual holidays, they have to steal pagan ones, too? I wonder how long it's going to be before there's some christian justification for celebrating halloween and it becomes thought of as a christian holiday, too.

"Hallowe'en" is a contraction of "All Hallows Even," the night before All Hallows/Saints Day, rather a big deal to some denominations. So yeah, sorry, but they've sunk a hook into that one as well.

god dammit


Gotta get the pagans to stop celebrating Samhain somehow.
 
2013-03-04 11:38:32 AM
It was British-born Flavius Constantinus (Constantine, originally Custennyn or

Custennin) (272-337) who authorised the compilation of the writings now called the Easter Bunny.
 
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