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(Daily Mail)   At last you can celebrate the REAL meaning of Easter - with Jesus eggs. Jesus   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 165
    More: Stupid, Easter, Waitrose, Hereford, supermarkets  
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9688 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Mar 2013 at 9:48 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-04 08:15:19 AM  
Still too pagan.

sarcasticxtian.com

There we go.
 
2013-03-04 08:21:22 AM  
Congratulations on your major victory. This is truly important. Really. Truly.
 
2013-03-04 08:21:50 AM  
I love how Christians celebrate their two holiest days.
 
2013-03-04 08:59:06 AM  
Are they dinosaur eggs?
 
2013-03-04 09:19:00 AM  
Easter.

That's the holiday where Jesus comes out of his tomb after 3 days and if he sees his shadow its 6 more
weeks of winter, right?
 
2013-03-04 09:24:54 AM  
www.landoverbaptist.org
 
2013-03-04 09:26:03 AM  
If it doesn't involve a rabbit making chicken noises, I don't want to hear about it!
 
2013-03-04 09:51:43 AM  
I've heard them called Resurrection eggs.  You get a carton of a dozen plastic eggs, and inside each egg is a representation of one of the twelve Stations of the Cross.  It's the exact opposite of an Advent Calendar, which gives you chocolates for each of the days leading up to the birth of Christ.  Resurrection eggs are a lot more solemn, giving you a piece of thorn or a nail or a piece of cloth or unleavened bread or whatever,  leading up to the death (and Resurrection) of Christ.
 
2013-03-04 09:51:58 AM  
"I've been traveling a lot lately. I was over in Australia during Easter. It was interesting to note they celebrate Easter the same way we do; commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now, I wonder why we're farked up as a race. You know, I've read the Bible. I can't find the words 'bunny' or 'chocolate' anywhere in the farking book. Where do you come up with this shiat? Why those two things? Why not 'Goldfish left Lincoln Logs in your sock drawer'? As long as we're making shiat up, go hog wild. At least a goldfish with a Lincoln Log on its back crawling across your floor to your sock drawer has a miraculous connotation to it!"
 
2013-03-04 09:52:05 AM  
Reeses peanutbutter eggs. Drool.
 
2013-03-04 09:52:43 AM  
 
2013-03-04 09:52:48 AM  
I had no idea that Jesuses laid eggs.
 
2013-03-04 09:53:00 AM  
Megarian:  "That's the story of Jesus!"
 
2013-03-04 09:53:49 AM  

DjangoStonereaver: Easter.

That's the holiday where Jesus comes out of his tomb after 3 days and if he sees his shadow its 6 more
weeks of winter, right?


Haters gonna hate.
 
2013-03-04 09:55:27 AM  
Christian groups Capitalists looking to separate fools from their money have won a victory in their campaignfor shops to sell a religious Easter egg.

Lets call a duck a duck.
 
2013-03-04 09:57:13 AM  
I may be an atheist but i'm all for people having religious holidays as they like. It seems silly to me that we should insist the religious aspects of Christmas be stripped away. It's their holiday. I don't know wtf eggs have to do with Easter, but it's clear their plan isn't about reconnecting children with Jesus' eggs, it's about reminding people that Easter isn't about eggs, it's about Jesus death and resurrection  If they want to fight back against rampant commercialisation stripping their holy times of all meaning then I support that.

Right up until the day religion is abolished I'll be completely in support of equality amongst religions. Then every day I can have a chocolate egg, no longer will it be bound by the oppressive chains of a religious holiday, but free to roam the shelves in traditionally un-eggy months like May, August, even September! This is a good thing.

Now I have to go and buy some chocolate eggs, because I love them more than muslims love Mohammed.
 
2013-03-04 09:59:21 AM  
This has rekindled my lack of interest.
 
2013-03-04 09:59:49 AM  

Krymson Tyde: I love how Christians celebrate their two holiest days.


Seriously!  You'd think they would work to stop stores from selling cheap, kitschy crap by sticking a Jesus on it.  It seems to me like that cheapens the whole religion.
 
2013-03-04 09:59:53 AM  
Hail, Ostara.
 
2013-03-04 09:59:57 AM  
 
2013-03-04 10:01:23 AM  
So the guy can walk on water and lays chocolate eggs?  And to think all this time I've been flushing my eggs down the toilet
 
2013-03-04 10:02:35 AM  

fruitloop: I had no idea that Jesuses laid eggs.


And they stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on his head and put a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, "Hail, King of the Jews!" And they spit on him and took the reed and struck him on the ovipositor. And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the robe and put his own clothes on him and led him away to crucify him." Matthew 27:28-31
 
2013-03-04 10:03:55 AM  

Sybarite: Still too pagan.

[sarcasticxtian.com image 550x411]

There we go.


Does the chocolate cross repel vampires? Or maybe is it only effective on Blackulas?
 
2013-03-04 10:06:28 AM  
Jesus looks awfully cheerful for a guy who just spent several days getting arrested, nearly beaten to death, crucified, stabbed just to make sure he was dead, and then laid out on a stone slab over the weekend, eh?

Adopting Roman traditions into Christian celebrations made it much easier to convert people, thus the spring fertility (symbolized by eggs) and winter solstice festivals became Easter and Christmas.  That's right, they've *always* been all about marketing, sorry folks.
 
2013-03-04 10:06:35 AM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: Sybarite: Still too pagan.

[sarcasticxtian.com image 550x411]

There we go.

Does the chocolate cross repel vampires? Or maybe is it only effective on Blackulas?


images.starpulse.com

"Oh no you did NOT just go there!"
 
2013-03-04 10:08:50 AM  

Wyckyd Sceptre: www.landoverbaptist.org


I think I'm going to come up with a spicy meatball dish, really really spicy with a sirachi based sauce and call them Satan's Testicles.

fruitloop: I had no idea that Jesuses laid eggs.


They make a wickedly good omelet.
 
2013-03-04 10:08:53 AM  

texdent: The true meaning of Easter


Oh, I would SO fertilize that...
 
2013-03-04 10:09:49 AM  

Wyckyd Sceptre: [www.landoverbaptist.org image 280x331]


Thanks for the good laugh.
That's hilarious!

/glad I'm alone at work, my boss is a Jesus freak.
 
2013-03-04 10:10:35 AM  
Not as lame as Jesusween.
 
2013-03-04 10:10:44 AM  
And in response, I'm going to make a wooden cross with an Easter Bunny nailed to it
 
2013-03-04 10:12:50 AM  
On the other hand google image search for "Jesus Eggs" provides gems like this:

i42.tinypic.com
 
2013-03-04 10:13:10 AM  
I was born the day they shot a hole in the Jesus Egg.

images.bluebeat.com

/Five Stop Mother Superior Rain
 
2013-03-04 10:13:56 AM  

beerrun: Wyckyd Sceptre: [www.landoverbaptist.org image 280x331]

Thanks for the good laugh.
That's hilarious!

/glad I'm alone at work, my boss is a Jesus freak.


Darn it, I'll have to wait till I get home to see what that is.  Landover Baptist is blocked at my workplace.
 
2013-03-04 10:15:05 AM  
HE HAS RISEN!
s15.postimage.org
 
2013-03-04 10:16:13 AM  
I like how the Christians get all uppity when people continue to recognize the traditions of the original pagan holidays the the Catholic Church piggy-backed on to.
 
2013-03-04 10:17:14 AM  
Could be worse.
Could be those choking hazards of middle-eastern cookies the Jews and Arabs make.
Little stones, dryer than scones covered in powdered sugar.
 
2013-03-04 10:18:03 AM  

hdhale: Jesus looks awfully cheerful for a guy who just spent several days getting arrested, nearly beaten to death, crucified, stabbed just to make sure he was dead, and then laid out on a stone slab over the weekend, eh?

Adopting Roman traditions into Christian celebrations made it much easier to convert people, thus the spring fertility (symbolized by eggs) and winter solstice festivals became Easter and Christmas.  That's right, they've *always* been all about marketing, sorry folks.


BuddyChrist.jpeg.
 
2013-03-04 10:20:05 AM  
I think if Jesus were alive today, he would appreciate how tasty we have made his death.
 
2013-03-04 10:20:29 AM  
Have a sexy Easter!

i.imgur.com

And one for the ladies.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-04 10:22:46 AM  

Have a Kate Upton Easter!



i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-04 10:22:50 AM  

Slaxl: I don't know wtf eggs have to do with Easter,


Silly, Jesus hides eggs, and you have to say "trick or treat" to get them, or else you'll get coal in your stocking.
 
2013-03-04 10:25:09 AM  

Slaxl: I may be an atheist but i'm all for people having religious holidays as they like. It seems silly to me that we should insist the religious aspects of Christmas be stripped away. It's their holiday. I don't know wtf eggs have to do with Easter, but it's clear their plan isn't about reconnecting children with Jesus' eggs, it's about reminding people that Easter isn't about eggs, it's about Jesus death and resurrection  If they want to fight back against rampant commercialisation stripping their holy times of all meaning then I support that.

Right up until the day religion is abolished I'll be completely in support of equality amongst religions. Then every day I can have a chocolate egg, no longer will it be bound by the oppressive chains of a religious holiday, but free to roam the shelves in traditionally un-eggy months like May, August, even September! This is a good thing.

Now I have to go and buy some chocolate eggs, because I love them more than muslims love Mohammed.


I buy extra and freeze them. Just like with Girl Scout cookies. Because f*ck going without a Samoa in November.
 
2013-03-04 10:26:14 AM  
Now if only Jesus was real, the real meaning might mean something...
 
2013-03-04 10:26:43 AM  

maddogdelta: Slaxl: I don't know wtf eggs have to do with Easter,

Silly, Jesus hides eggs, and you have to say "trick or treat" to get them, or else you'll get coal in your stocking.


There needs to be an Easter version of Krampus.
 
2013-03-04 10:29:38 AM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: There needs to be an Easter version of Krampus.


i30.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-04 10:30:21 AM  
I don't have any Jesus eggs, I do have "Oh Christ STOP' Get it out of me for f*x sakes, oh my god its too f*cking late" sperm though.
 
2013-03-04 10:34:43 AM  
The truth is that Jesus LOVED chocolate. He actually was the first to coin the phrase 'chocoholic' in Aramaic. If they hadn't nailed him through that foot, he probably would have lost it to diabeetus anyway.
 
2013-03-04 10:35:29 AM  
We get it, you hate christians.

How edgy.
 
2013-03-04 10:36:14 AM  
Did Robot Chicken make that commercial?
 
2013-03-04 10:37:15 AM  
Old line from one of my uni's many rugby songs:
He's got holes in his hands, holes in his legs, how's he going to hold his easter eggs?
 
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