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(Gawker)   But who amongst us hasn't faked our own kidnapping instead of facing up to an angry girlfriend?   (gawker.com) divider line 75
    More: Fail, kidnappings, habitual offender, girlfriend  
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8293 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Mar 2013 at 12:24 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-03 11:49:06 PM
Really that's my go to move.
 
2013-03-04 12:13:22 AM
But it wasn't fake

/really, Honey...
//I swear
 
2013-03-04 12:26:37 AM
On my fifth iteration. She doesn't suspect a thing.
 
2013-03-04 12:27:12 AM
This article is worth the read.
 
2013-03-04 12:27:47 AM
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.
 
2013-03-04 12:32:12 AM
Let he who has not faked his own kidnapping cast the first stone.
 
2013-03-04 12:37:08 AM
If there is anything that my GF has beat into, er, I mean, taught me.
Is that if she is mad at me, it is my fault and that I should take what face up to it.
 
2013-03-04 12:38:15 AM
newsmanone.files.wordpress.com

Or for money
 
2013-03-04 12:38:41 AM
Should have gone with the fugue state alibi.  Worked for Walter White.

For awhile.
 
2013-03-04 12:39:49 AM
If you need to hide from your significant other, you need to find another other.
 
2013-03-04 12:40:50 AM
What was his fark handle?!
 
2013-03-04 12:41:08 AM
So, Manti Te'o is gay *and* kidnapped himself?

/dnrtfa
 
2013-03-04 12:41:57 AM
www.channel4.com
/hotlinked
 
2013-03-04 12:43:24 AM
Girl... Friend?  What's that?
 
2013-03-04 12:43:56 AM
FTA : "He's a total moron," said one law-enforcement source to the New York Post

Isnt the term, "vulnerable adult"?
 
2013-03-04 12:45:59 AM
Oh, you betcha!

djhm.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-03-04 12:51:16 AM
Its not so much that he kidnapped himself. That was stupid, but she can understand why he did it. Its that he LIED about it, when he knows how she feels about lying!
 
2013-03-04 12:52:48 AM
When I end a significant relationship, I have often found it useful to inform the other person from a pay phone on the way to the state I'm moving to....
 
2013-03-04 12:54:00 AM
If she's that crazy, it might be safer.
 
2013-03-04 12:54:06 AM

TomD9938: FTA : "He's a total moron," said one law-enforcement source to the New York Post



And they should know.
 
2013-03-04 12:55:22 AM

Yogimus: If you need to hide from your significant other, you need to find another other.


He isn't hiding from her. He just needs an alibi for the last 3 weeks.
 
2013-03-04 12:58:03 AM

The Ghost of Tom Ace: Girl... Friend?  What's that?


I heard of a "girlfriend" once, it's a mysterious female version of a man, but usually aesthetically pleasing and someone you can share a life with as a potential mate.

But, this "life" thing, I've heard it requires spending less time on the Internet. Truly horrifying.
 
2013-03-04 01:01:10 AM
It was an earthquake, a tidal wave, MY SUIT DIDN'T COME BACK FROM THE CLEANERS.   BUT BABY I LOVE YOU!

mimg.ugo.com
 
2013-03-04 01:03:18 AM
http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20070108061421/familyguy/images/ 7/7e/ITakeTheeQuagmire.png
 
2013-03-04 01:07:55 AM

strangeluck: The Ghost of Tom Ace: Girl... Friend?  What's that?

I heard of a "girlfriend" once, it's a mysterious female version of a man, but usually aesthetically pleasing and someone you can share a life with as a potential mate.

But, this "life" thing, I've heard it requires spending less time on the Internet. Truly horrifying.


Hmm... I'll stick to my monitor for aesthetics, thank you very much.  Besides, the internet needs me.
 
2013-03-04 01:16:26 AM
Sure, it's all just a joke now, but what about when the eagles start turning people into horses?
 
2013-03-04 01:24:33 AM

Marcintosh: BUT BABY I LOVE YOU!


You mean it wasn't your fault you swear to god?
 
2013-03-04 01:25:53 AM
Maybe it was her.

www.fabsugar.com
 
2013-03-04 01:28:59 AM
Damn, why didn't I think of that...
 
2013-03-04 01:35:18 AM

SpdrJay: When I end a significant relationship, I have often found it useful to inform the other person from a pay phone on the way to the state I'm moving to....


"Pay phone?" Know how I know how long it's been since you've ended a significant relationship?
 
2013-03-04 01:35:29 AM

LordOfThePings: Oh, ja, you betcha!


FTFM.
 
2013-03-04 01:36:29 AM
I never tried a fake kidnapping excuse, but I did try the "Honey, she gave me the date rape drug" approach.
Wouldn't recommend it.
Stage your death and move to Mexico.
 
2013-03-04 01:47:42 AM
I never lie to the hand.


Marcintosh: It was an earthquake, a tidal wave, MY SUIT DIDN'T COME BACK FROM THE CLEANERS.   BUT BABY I LOVE YOU!

[mimg.ugo.com image 288x216]


Yeah, but she actually was a nut.

/at the time
//now she's medicated
 
2013-03-04 01:47:58 AM
Man, If I had a nickel for every time...
 
2013-03-04 01:52:32 AM

BarkingUnicorn: SpdrJay: When I end a significant relationship, I have often found it useful to inform the other person from a pay phone on the way to the state I'm moving to....

"Pay phone?" Know how I know how long it's been since you've ended a significant relationship?


NSFW language:

"Who the F*ck still uses a payphone?"
 
2013-03-04 01:55:24 AM
There was a typo in that article. It bothered me.

/agree with other posts about crazy partners.
 
2013-03-04 01:56:20 AM
CSS:
When I was nineteen, I was travelling for work from city to city with a group of people doing records conversions, from paper to microfilm. They were huge, multimillion dollar projects. One of the "supervisors" working on the projects had his girlfriend living with him, and one night he just didn't come home. He showed up at around 6am the next morning (Saturday), claiming he'd been kidnapped & robbed. Funnily enough, he still had his wallet! His girlfriend totally bought the story, but I nearly blew his cover by insisting that he needed to call the cops... lol! He finally pulled me aside and confessed to me and told me he was lying to keep her from knowing he'd picked up at the bar. Wanker. Put me in a *very* awkward position, as his gf was a friend of mine. But she wasn't very bright, and never did figure out he was lying...
 
2013-03-04 02:03:56 AM
So, it's,
1. Kidnap self.
2. Demand ransom money for self.
3. Turn self in for ransom money.
4. Spend ransom money on angry girlfriend.
Yeah, that might work.
 
2013-03-04 02:18:46 AM

Hector Remarkable: So, it's,
1. Kidnap self.
2. Demand ransom money for self.
3. Turn self in for ransom money.
4. Spend ransom money on angry girlfriend.
Yeah, that might work.


Don't forget to pay some guy to punch you in the face.
 
2013-03-04 02:20:15 AM
Why do they have a picture of Carlos Mencia at the top?
 
2013-03-04 02:22:59 AM
His girlfriend is very understanding of the whole situation.

www.usmagazine.com
 
2013-03-04 02:27:25 AM
I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
 
2013-03-04 02:34:12 AM

Solid Muldoon: I shot an elephant in my pajamas.


How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know.
 
2013-03-04 02:35:10 AM

Solid Muldoon: I shot an elephant in my pajamas.


How did the elephant even get into your pajamas?

What size do you wear, for gawd's sakes?

/This article kinda pisses me off, I was planning on using the ole "kidnapped by gypsies" lie to get away with a weekend Vegas run next week but now that fumblenuts here blew it, I'm gonna have to think of something else.
//Aliens? Farq? Ooh, I know. A cult. I'mma gonna go with kidnapped and brainwashed by a cult.
///That's the ticket. Yeaaaah.
 
2013-03-04 03:01:29 AM
Did a fake black man do it, or a fake latino?
 
2013-03-04 03:02:15 AM

illannoyin: [newsmanone.files.wordpress.com image 850x638]

Or for money


I miss Old Tara Reid more than I miss Old Lilo.
 
2013-03-04 03:03:33 AM

BarkingUnicorn: SpdrJay: When I end a significant relationship, I have often found it useful to inform the other person from a pay phone on the way to the state I'm moving to....

"Pay phone?" Know how I know how long it's been since you've ended a significant relationship?


That's.. not really a bad thing, is it?
 
2013-03-04 03:08:12 AM

UsikFark: Hector Remarkable: So, it's,
1. Kidnap self.
2. Demand ransom money for self.
3. Turn self in for ransom money.
4. Spend ransom money on angry girlfriend.
Yeah, that might work.

Don't forget to pay some guy to punch you in the face.


I've got guys who will do it for free. But don't do it before step.1 or after step 4.
 
2013-03-04 03:17:54 AM

Hector Remarkable: UsikFark: Hector Remarkable: So, it's,
1. Kidnap self.
2. Demand ransom money for self.
3. Turn self in for ransom money.
4. Spend ransom money on angry girlfriend.
Yeah, that might work.

Don't forget to pay some guy to punch you in the face.

I've got guys who will do it for free. But don't do it before step.1 or after step 4.


Also, hire a hitman.
 
2013-03-04 03:21:30 AM
I was sort of halfway watching some movie from about 65 years ago starring Rita Hayworth last night.

From what I could tell someone wanted to fake his death and he talked some other guy into confessing to his murder. According to him it would prove him legally dead, but without a body the confessed murderer could not be charged.

It's not too much of a spoiler to say the guy who confessed to murder was charged anyway.

It was one of those old movies that I tuned into without really watching that was probably more interesting than it seemed at first. If it comes on again, I intend to watch it more closely.

/Rita Hayworth was hot - hotter than GIS reveals
//Not that this has anything to do with the article that I didn't read - headline just made me think about it.
///sorry to threadjack
 
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