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(MSN)   ♫ ♫ Do you wanna be a mistress? Do you promise not to tell? oh-oh closer ♫ ♫   (living.msn.com) divider line 20
    More: Asinine, Hell's Kitchen, other woman  
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11977 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Mar 2013 at 5:47 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-03 06:02:40 PM  
3 votes:
"Men are simple," 43-year-old Symonds tells the Daily Mail. "It's Eat. Sleep. Fornicate."

So if we're so simple but make your life complicated then become a lesbian.

"Women are simple. Nag, shopping and head games."
2013-03-03 05:56:22 PM  
3 votes:
A little unsolicited head goes a long way from making me stray.
2013-03-03 05:52:51 PM  
3 votes:
"Men are simple," 43-year-old Symonds tells the Daily Mail. "It's Eat. Sleep. Fornicate."

biatch does not have a clue. We like to drink beer also.
2013-03-03 06:21:35 PM  
2 votes:

Uzzah: The Rules for Mistresses:

1. Do not expect him to leave his wife for you. It doesn't matter what he tells you about his intentions, or how miserable she makes him. Operate under the assumption that he will *never* leave his wife.
1a. However, be prepared for the possibility that he might leave his wife for you. Even if you tell him not to. (*Especially* if you tell him not to, actually.)
1b. It will be difficult to follow rules 1 and 1a simultaneously. Such is the life of a mistress. If you don't want to deal with that kind of ambiguity, find someone who isn't already taken.

2. He is probably lying to his wife, so he is probably lying to you, too. You may call him out on any lies he tells you, but don't expect that to be a particularly persuasive argument.

3. Do not do anything affirmatively embarass the wife, either directly or indirectly. She may be an innocent party in all of this, or she may be willing to pretend she doesn't know about you. In either case, you're not entitled to make her look bad or foolish, or even to draw her attention to your existence.
3a. You may retaliate if the wife affirmatively takes steps to embarass you, but given your position, you are required to calibrate your reaction slightly downard. If the same provocation from a stranger would warrant your retaliation at a level of 4, you may retaliate against provocation by the wife at a level of 2 for the first two incidents, and a level of 3 thereafter. Remember, you are in a somewhat morally-wrong position here.

4. Accept the realities of your position: you will be expected to make yourself available on-call or with minimal notice; you will be subject to occasional cancellation of plans with minimal notice; and you are expected to be discreet in your public appearances with him. You are granted a bit of latitude to complain to him if he overly avails himself of these rights, but only to a degree; ultimately, your primary source of relief against his abuse of position is to terminate the affair.

5. You may not demand that he spend any more money on you than he does on the wife. If she gets nice jewelry or a new car, you may seek parity; however, if she gets no jewelry and only an old beater to drive, you may not demand that he provide you with any higher standard of living. He may occasionally violate this rule, but doing so should not be understood to set any precedent for the future.

6. If you have an STD, use appropriate protection. Not for his benefit, but for hers.

7. Assume that the affair will someday be revealed, either purposefully or accidentally. Comport yourself in such a way that, if all of the details are discovered and revealed to the world, you will still retain your dignity.


Rule 1: don't bang married guys
2013-03-03 06:18:00 PM  
2 votes:
The Rules for Mistresses:

1. Do not expect him to leave his wife for you. It doesn't matter what he tells you about his intentions, or how miserable she makes him. Operate under the assumption that he will *never* leave his wife.
1a. However, be prepared for the possibility that he might leave his wife for you. Even if you tell him not to. (*Especially* if you tell him not to, actually.)
1b. It will be difficult to follow rules 1 and 1a simultaneously. Such is the life of a mistress. If you don't want to deal with that kind of ambiguity, find someone who isn't already taken.

2. He is probably lying to his wife, so he is probably lying to you, too. You may call him out on any lies he tells you, but don't expect that to be a particularly persuasive argument.

3. Do not do anything affirmatively embarass the wife, either directly or indirectly. She may be an innocent party in all of this, or she may be willing to pretend she doesn't know about you. In either case, you're not entitled to make her look bad or foolish, or even to draw her attention to your existence.
3a. You may retaliate if the wife affirmatively takes steps to embarass you, but given your position, you are required to calibrate your reaction slightly downard. If the same provocation from a stranger would warrant your retaliation at a level of 4, you may retaliate against provocation by the wife at a level of 2 for the first two incidents, and a level of 3 thereafter. Remember, you are in a somewhat morally-wrong position here.

4. Accept the realities of your position: you will be expected to make yourself available on-call or with minimal notice; you will be subject to occasional cancellation of plans with minimal notice; and you are expected to be discreet in your public appearances with him. You are granted a bit of latitude to complain to him if he overly avails himself of these rights, but only to a degree; ultimately, your primary source of relief against his abuse of position is to terminate the affair.

5. You may not demand that he spend any more money on you than he does on the wife. If she gets nice jewelry or a new car, you may seek parity; however, if she gets no jewelry and only an old beater to drive, you may not demand that he provide you with any higher standard of living. He may occasionally violate this rule, but doing so should not be understood to set any precedent for the future.

6. If you have an STD, use appropriate protection. Not for his benefit, but for hers.

7. Assume that the affair will someday be revealed, either purposefully or accidentally. Comport yourself in such a way that, if all of the details are discovered and revealed to the world, you will still retain your dignity.
2013-03-03 11:34:55 PM  
1 votes:

elvisaintdead: OK, here's one -
is it really cheating if, in a 25 year marriage, hubby and wife haven't even slept in the same room, much less bed for almost 7 years, much less less actually wiggled naughtily and are only even housemates at this point because of the 16 and 9 yr old kids?

and no, I've never been married.


Yep.  If you're man enough to say "I do" at least be man enough to say "I give up".
2013-03-03 09:33:42 PM  
1 votes:
Rule #7: If he leaves the wife and marries you, you already know that he is an adulterer, so don't be at all surprised when he starts farking someone besides you.
2013-03-03 08:15:03 PM  
1 votes:
From the "people not like you and me" files comes this gripping story:

I once got upgraded to 1st class on a SFO to JFK flight and spent the entire time listening to the "other other" woman complain about how her famous author boyfriend was cheating on her with an "other other other" woman.  Mind you, she was on the flight for what was essentially a trans-country booty call so that he could cheat on his mistress instead of cheating on his wife WITH his mistress, (said mistress having been fed some phony story about him being called away to a meeting with publishers).

I attempted to get her to see the absurdity of her position, but failed miserably.  This woman was absolutely pissed that her unfaithful-to-his-partner-in-infidelity "boyfriend" would be unfaithful to HER.  And she could not accept that the situation was not only predictable but that she had no moral or other grounds for complaint.  The closest I got her to linking cause and effect and predicting likely outcomes was that she at one point made a joke that "his wife won't fark, his girlfriend won't swallow, and I won't take it up the ass, so if that other biatch gives decent head I'm going to have start paying my own rent," which I've used as a quote when telling this story at parties for the last twenty years.
2013-03-03 08:13:00 PM  
1 votes:
Remember ladies: "A BJ a day and your man won't stray."
2013-03-03 07:46:47 PM  
1 votes:
The fact that there are some women out there that DON'T get this, is amazing. Think of all the money lining the pockets of lawyers that could be used instead to pay off the national debt. We'd be set if the axe wounds would just learn to become steak cooking, sword swallowing mutes.

I mean that in a good way....
2013-03-03 07:23:07 PM  
1 votes:

KawaiiNot: Mistresses...I have no respect for them nor for the men who don't have the balls to leave their "unhappy" marriage before cheating.

However life is complicated. I've seen several men leave their wives finally for their mistress and honestly in each case those men were low class men who didn't deserve their wife so it made sense that they stepped down to an uglier and crazier woman (the mistress was.)


Thank god you called out these losers! No woman has ever cheated before, right?
2013-03-03 07:15:16 PM  
1 votes:
Mistresses...I have no respect for them nor for the men who don't have the balls to leave their "unhappy" marriage before cheating.

However life is complicated. I've seen several men leave their wives finally for their mistress and honestly in each case those men were low class men who didn't deserve their wife so it made sense that they stepped down to an uglier and crazier woman (the mistress was.)
2013-03-03 06:51:58 PM  
1 votes:

bulldg4life: Rule 1: don't bang married guys.


Fair enough, but it takes two to do the horizontal tango. Your little epigram hasn't accounted for the fact that the married guy is out there looking, too. Your solution is about as effective as the "War on Drugs" going after the buyers and ignorning the sellers.

Let's face it: people have affairs because their wants and needs are not adequately fulfilled within the marital relationship. There can be a million reasons why this is so, but the fact remains that one partner is left wanting something more. Rather than destroy the whole marriage because of that unfulfilled desire, an affair, discretely-conducted, allows that partner to obtain what is missing without sacrificing the many other benefits of the marital relationship. It's a damn sight better than burning down your kitchen because you ran out of tortilla chips.

I'd submit that a person who is unable to meet their partner's needs and unwilling to allow him or her to have those needs met elsewhere is being selfish, a moral failing at least as significant as infidelity.
2013-03-03 06:30:01 PM  
1 votes:

Thisbymaster: Late at night is the only time I get to be on the computer or play games, this is not US time it is me time.  I know she couldn't understand that because she got HER time all day long sitting around the house doing nothing.


And you say you have an EX-wife. Funny that.
2013-03-03 06:24:40 PM  
1 votes:

TheShadowsLTH: FTFA: "She adds that women should stay up late at night to ask about their husband's day."

No, no, no, no. I get up, go to work, spend ten hours involved with work with a bunch of delightful coworkers (travel time included), come home to hear about her day and problems for 3 hours, then play with kitten for an hour. The time I get for myself is the time after 11pm and the hour I spend driving to and from work. Please, let me keep that 90 minutes.


That is true, my ex-wife wanted to talk all the time when I got home.  After doing that all day long at work the last thing I wanted to do is be interrogated on the evens of the day.  Late at night is the only time I get to be on the computer or play games, this is not US time it is me time.  I know she couldn't understand that because she got HER time all day long sitting around the house doing nothing.
2013-03-03 06:15:38 PM  
1 votes:
Any woman who wants to be this has my full support:

static.guim.co.uk
2013-03-03 06:10:58 PM  
1 votes:
FTFA: "She adds that women should stay up late at night to ask about their husband's day."

No, no, no, no. I get up, go to work, spend ten hours involved with work with a bunch of delightful coworkers (travel time included), come home to hear about her day and problems for 3 hours, then play with kitten for an hour. The time I get for myself is the time after 11pm and the hour I spend driving to and from work. Please, let me keep that 90 minutes.
2013-03-03 06:06:27 PM  
1 votes:
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
2013-03-03 06:02:02 PM  
1 votes:
I'm sure my wife would acknowledge the ESF concept if she weren't so sure that, after 17 years and 3 children, she's got me completely by the balls and therefore has no reason to care if I'm happy or not.
2013-03-03 05:51:22 PM  
1 votes:
That "oh-oh" should be drawn out a little more.
 
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