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(MSN)   ♫ ♫ Do you wanna be a mistress? Do you promise not to tell? oh-oh closer ♫ ♫   (living.msn.com) divider line 74
    More: Asinine, Hell's Kitchen, other woman  
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11972 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Mar 2013 at 5:47 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-03 05:51:22 PM
That "oh-oh" should be drawn out a little more.
 
2013-03-03 05:52:51 PM
"Men are simple," 43-year-old Symonds tells the Daily Mail. "It's Eat. Sleep. Fornicate."

biatch does not have a clue. We like to drink beer also.
 
2013-03-03 05:53:12 PM
Id imagine first rule of mistress club is same as first rule of fight club.
 
2013-03-03 05:54:19 PM
My mistress and wife met at the hospital when I was admitted to the ER. The orderlies got a big kick out of it :(
 
2013-03-03 05:55:25 PM

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: "Men are simple," 43-year-old Symonds tells the Daily Mail. "It's Eat. Sleep. Fornicate."

biatch does not have a clue. We like to drink beer also.


and play Call Of Duty 4
 
2013-03-03 05:56:22 PM
A little unsolicited head goes a long way from making me stray.
 
2013-03-03 05:56:28 PM
Thats Mistress, not mistress, there subby... or .. /subby
 
2013-03-03 05:56:41 PM
Let's have a vigorous and rational discussion on the merits of a healthy sexual relationship in relation to one's overall sense of well-being and contentment.
 
2013-03-03 06:02:02 PM
I'm sure my wife would acknowledge the ESF concept if she weren't so sure that, after 17 years and 3 children, she's got me completely by the balls and therefore has no reason to care if I'm happy or not.
 
2013-03-03 06:02:40 PM
"Men are simple," 43-year-old Symonds tells the Daily Mail. "It's Eat. Sleep. Fornicate."

So if we're so simple but make your life complicated then become a lesbian.

"Women are simple. Nag, shopping and head games."
 
2013-03-03 06:03:15 PM
WTF is a mousewife?
 
2013-03-03 06:05:23 PM
This is exactly the same advice Grandma always gave:

"The secret to a long, happy marriage is to keep your husband's stomach full, and his balls empty."
 
2013-03-03 06:06:14 PM

Lochsteppe: Let's have a vigorous and rational discussion on the merits of a healthy sexual relationship in relation to one's overall sense of well-being and contentment.


You must be new here.
 
2013-03-03 06:06:27 PM
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2013-03-03 06:10:08 PM
She looks more like a mister than a mistress...
 
2013-03-03 06:10:15 PM
skinink:
"Women are simple. Nag, shopping and head games."

QFT
 
2013-03-03 06:10:58 PM
FTFA: "She adds that women should stay up late at night to ask about their husband's day."

No, no, no, no. I get up, go to work, spend ten hours involved with work with a bunch of delightful coworkers (travel time included), come home to hear about her day and problems for 3 hours, then play with kitten for an hour. The time I get for myself is the time after 11pm and the hour I spend driving to and from work. Please, let me keep that 90 minutes.
 
2013-03-03 06:12:40 PM
Its EFS!

duh...
 
2013-03-03 06:13:30 PM

Oldiron_79: Id imagine first rule of mistress club is same as first rule of fight club.



Why would they talk about fight club in mistress club, anyway?  That's a dumb rule.
 
2013-03-03 06:15:38 PM
Any woman who wants to be this has my full support:

static.guim.co.uk
 
2013-03-03 06:18:00 PM
The Rules for Mistresses:

1. Do not expect him to leave his wife for you. It doesn't matter what he tells you about his intentions, or how miserable she makes him. Operate under the assumption that he will *never* leave his wife.
1a. However, be prepared for the possibility that he might leave his wife for you. Even if you tell him not to. (*Especially* if you tell him not to, actually.)
1b. It will be difficult to follow rules 1 and 1a simultaneously. Such is the life of a mistress. If you don't want to deal with that kind of ambiguity, find someone who isn't already taken.

2. He is probably lying to his wife, so he is probably lying to you, too. You may call him out on any lies he tells you, but don't expect that to be a particularly persuasive argument.

3. Do not do anything affirmatively embarass the wife, either directly or indirectly. She may be an innocent party in all of this, or she may be willing to pretend she doesn't know about you. In either case, you're not entitled to make her look bad or foolish, or even to draw her attention to your existence.
3a. You may retaliate if the wife affirmatively takes steps to embarass you, but given your position, you are required to calibrate your reaction slightly downard. If the same provocation from a stranger would warrant your retaliation at a level of 4, you may retaliate against provocation by the wife at a level of 2 for the first two incidents, and a level of 3 thereafter. Remember, you are in a somewhat morally-wrong position here.

4. Accept the realities of your position: you will be expected to make yourself available on-call or with minimal notice; you will be subject to occasional cancellation of plans with minimal notice; and you are expected to be discreet in your public appearances with him. You are granted a bit of latitude to complain to him if he overly avails himself of these rights, but only to a degree; ultimately, your primary source of relief against his abuse of position is to terminate the affair.

5. You may not demand that he spend any more money on you than he does on the wife. If she gets nice jewelry or a new car, you may seek parity; however, if she gets no jewelry and only an old beater to drive, you may not demand that he provide you with any higher standard of living. He may occasionally violate this rule, but doing so should not be understood to set any precedent for the future.

6. If you have an STD, use appropriate protection. Not for his benefit, but for hers.

7. Assume that the affair will someday be revealed, either purposefully or accidentally. Comport yourself in such a way that, if all of the details are discovered and revealed to the world, you will still retain your dignity.
 
2013-03-03 06:21:35 PM

Uzzah: The Rules for Mistresses:

1. Do not expect him to leave his wife for you. It doesn't matter what he tells you about his intentions, or how miserable she makes him. Operate under the assumption that he will *never* leave his wife.
1a. However, be prepared for the possibility that he might leave his wife for you. Even if you tell him not to. (*Especially* if you tell him not to, actually.)
1b. It will be difficult to follow rules 1 and 1a simultaneously. Such is the life of a mistress. If you don't want to deal with that kind of ambiguity, find someone who isn't already taken.

2. He is probably lying to his wife, so he is probably lying to you, too. You may call him out on any lies he tells you, but don't expect that to be a particularly persuasive argument.

3. Do not do anything affirmatively embarass the wife, either directly or indirectly. She may be an innocent party in all of this, or she may be willing to pretend she doesn't know about you. In either case, you're not entitled to make her look bad or foolish, or even to draw her attention to your existence.
3a. You may retaliate if the wife affirmatively takes steps to embarass you, but given your position, you are required to calibrate your reaction slightly downard. If the same provocation from a stranger would warrant your retaliation at a level of 4, you may retaliate against provocation by the wife at a level of 2 for the first two incidents, and a level of 3 thereafter. Remember, you are in a somewhat morally-wrong position here.

4. Accept the realities of your position: you will be expected to make yourself available on-call or with minimal notice; you will be subject to occasional cancellation of plans with minimal notice; and you are expected to be discreet in your public appearances with him. You are granted a bit of latitude to complain to him if he overly avails himself of these rights, but only to a degree; ultimately, your primary source of relief against his abuse of position is to terminate the affair.

5. You may not demand that he spend any more money on you than he does on the wife. If she gets nice jewelry or a new car, you may seek parity; however, if she gets no jewelry and only an old beater to drive, you may not demand that he provide you with any higher standard of living. He may occasionally violate this rule, but doing so should not be understood to set any precedent for the future.

6. If you have an STD, use appropriate protection. Not for his benefit, but for hers.

7. Assume that the affair will someday be revealed, either purposefully or accidentally. Comport yourself in such a way that, if all of the details are discovered and revealed to the world, you will still retain your dignity.


Rule 1: don't bang married guys
 
2013-03-03 06:23:09 PM
Hey guys! I'm here for the....

Oh. OH! Wrong kind of Mistresses.
 
2013-03-03 06:24:40 PM

TheShadowsLTH: FTFA: "She adds that women should stay up late at night to ask about their husband's day."

No, no, no, no. I get up, go to work, spend ten hours involved with work with a bunch of delightful coworkers (travel time included), come home to hear about her day and problems for 3 hours, then play with kitten for an hour. The time I get for myself is the time after 11pm and the hour I spend driving to and from work. Please, let me keep that 90 minutes.


That is true, my ex-wife wanted to talk all the time when I got home.  After doing that all day long at work the last thing I wanted to do is be interrogated on the evens of the day.  Late at night is the only time I get to be on the computer or play games, this is not US time it is me time.  I know she couldn't understand that because she got HER time all day long sitting around the house doing nothing.
 
2013-03-03 06:27:39 PM
I predict many cats in this woman's future. Many, many cats.
 
2013-03-03 06:28:35 PM
Or; you gals could marry a man who lives up to his commitments.

Or, I know this is crazy; you might try to not constantly bicker about petty nonsense that no one really cares about.

Or, you could actually maintain a healthy relationship with the person you married.

/ I guess that's too hard
 
2013-03-03 06:30:01 PM

Thisbymaster: Late at night is the only time I get to be on the computer or play games, this is not US time it is me time.  I know she couldn't understand that because she got HER time all day long sitting around the house doing nothing.


And you say you have an EX-wife. Funny that.
 
2013-03-03 06:38:16 PM
Sarah Symonds is famous for having a seven-year affair with Hell's Kitchen star Gordon Ramsay.

I weep for humanity.
 
2013-03-03 06:38:38 PM
not sure how to ask this, but what if she's from Canada? you don't know her. Plus what if she willingly does anal and BJs?

Uzzah: The Rules for Mistresses:

1. Do not expect him to leave his wife for you. It doesn't matter what he tells you about his intentions, or how miserable she makes him. Operate under the assumption that he will *never* leave his wife.
1a. However, be prepared for the possibility that he might leave his wife for you. Even if you tell him not to. (*Especially* if you tell him not to, actually.)
1b. It will be difficult to follow rules 1 and 1a simultaneously. Such is the life of a mistress. If you don't want to deal with that kind of ambiguity, find someone who isn't already taken.

2. He is probably lying to his wife, so he is probably lying to you, too. You may call him out on any lies he tells you, but don't expect that to be a particularly persuasive argument.

3. Do not do anything affirmatively embarass the wife, either directly or indirectly. She may be an innocent party in all of this, or she may be willing to pretend she doesn't know about you. In either case, you're not entitled to make her look bad or foolish, or even to draw her attention to your existence.
3a. You may retaliate if the wife affirmatively takes steps to embarass you, but given your position, you are required to calibrate your reaction slightly downard. If the same provocation from a stranger would warrant your retaliation at a level of 4, you may retaliate against provocation by the wife at a level of 2 for the first two incidents, and a level of 3 thereafter. Remember, you are in a somewhat morally-wrong position here.

4. Accept the realities of your position: you will be expected to make yourself available on-call or with minimal notice; you will be subject to occasional cancellation of plans with minimal notice; and you are expected to be discreet in your public appearances with him. You are granted a bit of latitude to complain to him if he overly avails himself of these rights, but only to a degree; ultimately, your primary source of relief against his abuse of positio ...

 
2013-03-03 06:45:33 PM

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: "Men are simple," 43-year-old Symonds tells the Daily Mail. "It's Eat. Sleep. Fornicate."

biatch does not have a clue. We like to drink beer also.


Triage of male decision making:  Can I kill it?  Can I fark it?  Can I eat it?
 
2013-03-03 06:51:58 PM

bulldg4life: Rule 1: don't bang married guys.


Fair enough, but it takes two to do the horizontal tango. Your little epigram hasn't accounted for the fact that the married guy is out there looking, too. Your solution is about as effective as the "War on Drugs" going after the buyers and ignorning the sellers.

Let's face it: people have affairs because their wants and needs are not adequately fulfilled within the marital relationship. There can be a million reasons why this is so, but the fact remains that one partner is left wanting something more. Rather than destroy the whole marriage because of that unfulfilled desire, an affair, discretely-conducted, allows that partner to obtain what is missing without sacrificing the many other benefits of the marital relationship. It's a damn sight better than burning down your kitchen because you ran out of tortilla chips.

I'd submit that a person who is unable to meet their partner's needs and unwilling to allow him or her to have those needs met elsewhere is being selfish, a moral failing at least as significant as infidelity.
 
2013-03-03 07:00:30 PM

Shadow Blasko: Thats Mistress, not mistress, there subby... or .. /subby


Thank you, Shadow. You have given the correct response, and that pleases me.
 
2013-03-03 07:01:14 PM

Uzzah: bulldg4life: Rule 1: don't bang married guys.

Fair enough, but it takes two to do the horizontal tango. Your little epigram hasn't accounted for the fact that the married guy is out there looking, too. Your solution is about as effective as the "War on Drugs" going after the buyers and ignorning the sellers.

Let's face it: people have affairs because their wants and needs are not adequately fulfilled within the marital relationship. There can be a million reasons why this is so, but the fact remains that one partner is left wanting something more. Rather than destroy the whole marriage because of that unfulfilled desire, an affair, discretely-conducted, allows that partner to obtain what is missing without sacrificing the many other benefits of the marital relationship. It's a damn sight better than burning down your kitchen because you ran out of tortilla chips.

I'd submit that a person who is unable to meet their partner's needs and unwilling to allow him or her to have those needs met elsewhere is being selfish, a moral failing at least as significant as infidelity.


Whatever helps you sleep at night.
 
2013-03-03 07:05:01 PM
But what if we're over them. There has to be a Stepford Wife liberation show
 
2013-03-03 07:06:43 PM
Just give us sex, and lots of it. Even if you are not that great at it, with enough practice you will at least become satisfactory.
 
2013-03-03 07:07:51 PM
She has her ESF order messed up. Never wanted to sleep first and the only reason I would eat first is the woman expects you to buy them dinner, then take them home.
 
2013-03-03 07:13:42 PM
I cheated on my wife with about 5 different women over a year ago (a period of about 3 months).

I can't speak for every other philandering husband out there, but at the end of the day it came down to the fact that my wife and I were having relatively uninspired sex once a month and we had no way to talk about it or what to do about it.

In my particular case, the communication bit was really the key (I know this is trite and overdone, but whatever). I could not tell my wife in any explicit terms that I needed to get more sex from her because doing so would be admitting that I had a need she could fufil and thereby potentially reject. My personality is one such that the possibility of rejection and the vulnerability that comes with it is not something that I readily cope with - in fact I organise all my relationships and commitments around being the one in the position of power to reject other people - hence why it was easier for me to go out and bed other women in pursuit than to talk plainly to my wife about the issue.

TL;DR - We talked it out. We have a lot more (interesting) sex. We're both a lot happier actually. Wife actually almost came out and said the other day that she thought the infidelity was a good thing, at least from the perspective that our marriage was doomed at the time anyway.
 
2013-03-03 07:15:16 PM
Mistresses...I have no respect for them nor for the men who don't have the balls to leave their "unhappy" marriage before cheating.

However life is complicated. I've seen several men leave their wives finally for their mistress and honestly in each case those men were low class men who didn't deserve their wife so it made sense that they stepped down to an uglier and crazier woman (the mistress was.)
 
2013-03-03 07:15:55 PM

Coyote Doyenne: Shadow Blasko: Thats Mistress, not mistress, there subby... or .. /subby

Thank you, Shadow. You have given the correct response, and that pleases me.


I think the article was for a lesser sort of mistress

though it has been awhile since there's been any sort of other Mistress sort of article on fark, or else i've missed them
 
2013-03-03 07:22:07 PM
Uzzah:  Let's face it: people have affairs because their wants and needs are not adequately fulfilled within the marital relationship. There can be a million reasons why this is so...

True, but sometimes people have affairs not because there is anything wrong with their partner, but because they just really don't want to commit.  Or because they don't realize that no marriage is going to give them  everything they need and want, and understanding that is part of being a grownup.

Or they have affairs 'cause they aren't getting enough head.  There's that too...
 
2013-03-03 07:23:07 PM

KawaiiNot: Mistresses...I have no respect for them nor for the men who don't have the balls to leave their "unhappy" marriage before cheating.

However life is complicated. I've seen several men leave their wives finally for their mistress and honestly in each case those men were low class men who didn't deserve their wife so it made sense that they stepped down to an uglier and crazier woman (the mistress was.)


Thank god you called out these losers! No woman has ever cheated before, right?
 
2013-03-03 07:29:57 PM
I'll be a misterer if need be.
 
2013-03-03 07:46:47 PM
The fact that there are some women out there that DON'T get this, is amazing. Think of all the money lining the pockets of lawyers that could be used instead to pay off the national debt. We'd be set if the axe wounds would just learn to become steak cooking, sword swallowing mutes.

I mean that in a good way....
 
2013-03-03 07:50:43 PM
I had 3-4 'very clear' opportunities during my 23 years of monogamy and while I didn't take the offers, I sooooo dearly wish I had. I ended up going all that time w/o head and having to endure 16-18 month stints w/o even the most basics.

Monogamy is for chumps - YMMV.
 
2013-03-03 07:54:38 PM
Okay, I'll ask: what is the song you are using, subby?
 
2013-03-03 07:58:42 PM

Jackman5150: Okay, I'll ask: what is the song you are using, subby?


Not subby, but I'm hearing "Do you want to know a secret" by The Beatles

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVQU6xH96k8
 
2013-03-03 08:07:22 PM
"Men are simple," 43-year-old Symonds tells the Daily Mail. "It's Eat. Sleep. Fornicate."

Yahhhhh, I can't WAIT to spend an evening with you.

Hell, you can home over and meet my parents.

K-Mart bargain bin self help movements.  Empowering people by telling them that everybody but them is a mooron since 1972.
 
2013-03-03 08:13:00 PM
Remember ladies: "A BJ a day and your man won't stray."
 
2013-03-03 08:15:03 PM
From the "people not like you and me" files comes this gripping story:

I once got upgraded to 1st class on a SFO to JFK flight and spent the entire time listening to the "other other" woman complain about how her famous author boyfriend was cheating on her with an "other other other" woman.  Mind you, she was on the flight for what was essentially a trans-country booty call so that he could cheat on his mistress instead of cheating on his wife WITH his mistress, (said mistress having been fed some phony story about him being called away to a meeting with publishers).

I attempted to get her to see the absurdity of her position, but failed miserably.  This woman was absolutely pissed that her unfaithful-to-his-partner-in-infidelity "boyfriend" would be unfaithful to HER.  And she could not accept that the situation was not only predictable but that she had no moral or other grounds for complaint.  The closest I got her to linking cause and effect and predicting likely outcomes was that she at one point made a joke that "his wife won't fark, his girlfriend won't swallow, and I won't take it up the ass, so if that other biatch gives decent head I'm going to have start paying my own rent," which I've used as a quote when telling this story at parties for the last twenty years.
 
2013-03-03 08:22:21 PM

nucal: Jackman5150: Okay, I'll ask: what is the song you are using, subby?

Not subby, but I'm hearing "Do you want to know a secret" by The Beatles

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVQU6xH96k8


You are a god among men...
 
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