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(Fox News)   Fox's favorite 'perfectly married' douche is back to talk about how perfect his marriage is. "I'm a guy and...." let me stop you right there   (foxnews.com) divider line 59
    More: Obvious, hairline  
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27136 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Mar 2013 at 11:47 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-03-03 11:29:44 AM
11 votes:
From his Wikipedia page: He was married in August 2012

Snicker.
2013-03-03 11:53:14 AM
9 votes:
"What kind of an idiot are you to marry a person that you think is an absolute moron?"

Somebody looking for a soul mate?
2013-03-03 12:02:07 PM
8 votes:
I used to be a pain in my wife's butt then I started using a better lube
2013-03-03 11:41:37 AM
6 votes:

rumpelstiltskin: From his Wikipedia page: He was married in August 2012

Snicker.


They are probably still having sex, even.
2013-03-03 01:41:27 PM
5 votes:
From somewheres on teh interwebs...

For those of you that want to know what it's like to be in a serious relationship with a woman - I just found out that I'm on the third day of an argument that I didn't know I was having.
2013-03-03 01:21:33 PM
5 votes:

Donkey Hodie: In a couple of months I will celebrate my 20th wedding anniversary with my wife.



Good choice!  I tried celebrating an anniversary with somebody else's wife once.  Didn't work out so well.
2013-03-03 12:17:37 PM
5 votes:
She's standing right behind you, isn't she?
2013-03-03 12:02:51 PM
5 votes:
My gut reaction after reading TFA was, "...his wife is cheating on him."
Why? Because when you write an article like that, the universe can't resist. It has a dick-ish sense of humor.
2013-03-03 11:57:39 AM
5 votes:
Single guy here, reporting with popcorn.
2013-03-03 12:03:20 PM
4 votes:
He's only been married six months, and he's an expert on marital relationships? I caught a gecko in the summer and released it back outside, yet I'm not calling myself a doctor of zoology.

Come back in forty years.
2013-03-03 11:54:16 AM
4 votes:

CujoQuarrel: That's disgusting

A married guy who won't disparage his spouse.

Utterly awful


I never had a bad thing to say about any of my exes for the first six months we were together either.
2013-03-03 11:05:13 AM
4 votes:
After reading the entire article I came to this part:

Steven Crowder is a comedian and Fox News contributor.

which explained everything.  Comedy gold.
2013-03-03 12:54:59 PM
3 votes:
His wife is cheating on him.  For a guy like this, that's an automatic.
Can't wait to see him turn into Sam Kinison after he gets divorced.

www.biography.com
2013-03-03 12:39:01 PM
3 votes:

MurphyMurphy: I find this alleged guy to have an extremely punchable face.


cdn.breitbart.com
s3.chelseafcblog.net
2013-03-03 03:13:11 PM
2 votes:
Poor, poor Steven Crowder. Not only is he delusional, but he is an idiot. I have known those types since middle school. The ones that would have their mom dye their jocks the team color, the ones that swore abstinence until marriage, the ones who belonged to Fellowship of Christian Athletes, the ones that dated the prudish straight A girl with her hair in a bun and sweater covering her tits in July. So now Steve married the girl of his dreams and absolutely adores her because he got his first piece of pie in his life. Maybe it was her first, too, but since she got a little feel for it and quickly figured out he had no idea how to use his tool, she will find somebody that does. I am 99.998% positive Mrs. Crowder is going to pulling the Reading RR in no time and those guys in the locker will not be able to look at him without laughing.

(Smoked with the cool kids)
2013-03-03 01:37:13 PM
2 votes:
This is why gay men should be allowed to get married.  Neither one will ever complain about his wife.
2013-03-03 12:55:22 PM
2 votes:
I have no idea who his wife is, but it is my new life's mission to introduce her to Hernando, who would leave her wrapped, twisted around damp sheets, panting and hair-matted and with claw-marks across the nightstand that she would shamefacedly have to explain to this horrifically unfunny hack writer hubby of hers.
2013-03-03 12:50:36 PM
2 votes:

ISO15693: FloydA: CujoQuarrel: That's disgusting

A married guy who won't disparage his spouse.

Utterly awful

I never had a bad thing to say about any of my exes for the first six months we were together either.

8 years here, and still never say anything negative about my wife. And partly because of that, our marriage just keeps getting better and better.


3 years for me.  My biggest complaint is the broad keeps getting in my way in the kitchen.  She needs to stay the fark out.  I cook, she cleans.
2013-03-03 12:33:36 PM
2 votes:
Not sure how Joe Biden's hairline got into that article but ha ha ha I'm still laughing. He must be fun to live with, because, you know, he would make you laugh. Ha ha ha. And that's what women really like about men. Ha ha ha.
2013-03-03 11:51:01 AM
2 votes:
That's disgusting

A married guy who won't disparage his spouse.

Utterly awful
2013-03-03 11:49:42 AM
2 votes:
Not only is it often as disingenuous as Joe Biden's hairline, but it's incredibly harmful

 Leave the jokes for the funny people, please.
2013-03-03 11:41:01 AM
2 votes:
A man-child who says he needs a woman to be a better man.

Yeah... There ya go. Good luck with that, kiddo.

I love how he speaks with all-encompassing knowledge on every topic he deigns to enlighten us about.

You're a douchebag. Just own it.
2013-03-03 08:28:16 PM
1 votes:
When men get together, they moan about their wives

i152.photobucket.com
2013-03-03 05:04:47 PM
1 votes:

ZeroCorpse: The ones who DO insult their wives end up losing them to a guy who isn't a complete ass, who treats her like she deserves (i.e. not talking shiat about her behind her back), and who actually listens and communicates with her.


Nice guys are notorious for getting all the chicks.
2013-03-03 04:59:36 PM
1 votes:

Uchiha_Cycliste: Zelron: Uchiha_Cycliste: NewportBarGuy: A man-child who says he needs a woman to be a better man.

There are some cases where this is true.
For instance the deal I have going with my girlfriend. Though we've only been dating since July, we've been best friends forever. And for at least the last ten years we have had a deal worked out where if she tells me to do something I do it, and if she tells me not to do something I don't. No arguing, no discussion.
When she says you need to go to the hospital right now, I skedaddle to the closest hospital. When she says, no! you can't climb on that! I don't. I seem to lack that little voice that says 'hey, maybe that's not a good idea' so she provides it for me =D

\been best friends for almost 25 years (since we were 6)
\\been pretty deeply in love for at least a couple of years before we started dating. ♥

In other words, you say "Yes dear."  There's only two ways a wife is perfect.  Either you're submissive and do everything she says.  Or she's submissive and does everything you say.  Any other way you disagree and no one's perfect.

We do disagree sometimes, but it usually results in us both learning something and coming at something from different POVs that we share. Never on important things though. With the deal we have worked out, often I'll call or text her and ask if I can do this or that, or I'll let her know if something not good is happening and ask her advice. Other times I can just ask myself, if she were here... would she let me do this? And that's kept me pretty safe (ie not severely injured and alive =D)
We have some debate about this, but we suspect because of the way we grew up, and the influence we've had on each other's tastes over time has resulted in us pretty much feeling the same about most things. Everything important at least. Likewise because of how we've pulled each other through bad times there's no one that knows each of us better than us in the whole world =D. She knows what I'm thinking and vice versa, almost like mind reading.

Interestingly, most of our disagreements occur over subjects involving race. For instance (and this happened yesterday morning, before we drove me to the airport). We were discussing the NoFx song "Don't call me white" I interpret it as don't make assumptions based on race, she thinks they are avoiding and disregarding white privilege. But pretty much there are no situations where submission is required, we are always on the same wavelength. If we differ, we argue on the merits of the situation. An engineer and a doctor are an awesome couple.


Jesus Christ, you talk more than my wife. And, like my wife, all I heard was static. You sure you have testicles?
2013-03-03 04:46:13 PM
1 votes:
Go on, guys.  Get married.  Your life will be sooo much happier.

www.swaggermagazine.com
2013-03-03 04:35:36 PM
1 votes:

Uchiha_Cycliste: NewportBarGuy: A man-child who says he needs a woman to be a better man.

There are some cases where this is true.
For instance the deal I have going with my girlfriend. Though we've only been dating since July, we've been best friends forever. And for at least the last ten years we have had a deal worked out where if she tells me to do something I do it, and if she tells me not to do something I don't. No arguing, no discussion.
When she says you need to go to the hospital right now, I skedaddle to the closest hospital. When she says, no! you can't climb on that! I don't. I seem to lack that little voice that says 'hey, maybe that's not a good idea' so she provides it for me =D

\been best friends for almost 25 years (since we were 6)
\\been pretty deeply in love for at least a couple of years before we started dating. ♥


Congrats on finding the perfect dom

I keed...
2013-03-03 03:39:03 PM
1 votes:

I should be in the kitchen: If your spouse is such a horrible person, what does that say about you for marrying her/him, hmmm? I think it's natural to want to vent on occasion but if all you have to say is negative, you're a piece of shiat.


This.

I don't think the author is complaining about men who on occasion have a grumble about their wives, but rather the ball slapped men who must put down their wives just because it seems to be the thing to do.

Ball slapped, by the way,  is very similar to pussy whipped but rather than meekly just doing what their girlfriends want,  these men do anything their male mates want even though they do not want to.
2013-03-03 03:35:24 PM
1 votes:

eddiesocket: Why are people mad at this guy? Because he won't talk crap about his wife to strangers at the gym?  What a  monster.
Yeah sure, he probably won't feel quite this schoompy once he's been married longer, but the general idea--don't hate your spouse, don't talk shiat about them in public--is a pretty sound one, I think.


Because most them are a bunch of no-hope losers who screwed up their own marriages...?
2013-03-03 03:18:39 PM
1 votes:

Wyalt Derp: wagnerism: For those of you that want to know what it's like to be in a serious relationship with a woman - I just found out that I'm on the third day of an argument that I didn't know I was having.

A girlfriend was once shiatty with me for three days because I was mean to her in a dream.


did she also believe in astrology?
2013-03-03 03:16:47 PM
1 votes:

wagnerism: For those of you that want to know what it's like to be in a serious relationship with a woman - I just found out that I'm on the third day of an argument that I didn't know I was having.


A girlfriend was once shiatty with me for three days because I was mean to her in a dream.
2013-03-03 02:50:46 PM
1 votes:
Great Janitor: I have a great marriage.  It's been a long one.  We recently celebrated our third anniversary.  I had to find a clever way to ask my parents what day I got married because I honestly couldn't remember.  I've only told my wife once that I love her.  She tells me quite often.  I respond with "I know" and "As well you should."  I do have a nickname for her.  Sometime's it's 'Kitchen biatch'.  She's short, so my other nickname for her is 'Person McNugget'.  Now I will admit, that second one is a rather new one.

I have improved her life and made her a better person.  She used to watch sports.  I have pointed out what a waste of time that was and shown her 'Star Trek'.  Now she knows all the Star Trek captains and the difference between a Galaxy Class starship and a Miranda class starship.  She has improved so much that she missed the superbowl this year.  As the person who's been improving her life, I felt proud of this.

It's really a great marriage, one to be envied...

Keep reaching for the spentMiles "achievement unlocked" you've got some work to do but you'll get there.
2013-03-03 02:43:15 PM
1 votes:

NewportBarGuy: A man-child who says he needs a woman to be a better man.

Yeah... There ya go. Good luck with that, kiddo.

I love how he speaks with all-encompassing knowledge on every topic he deigns to enlighten us about.

You're a douchebag. Just own it.


Why is he a 'douche bag'?
2013-03-03 02:12:44 PM
1 votes:

semiotix: It's not the ladies sewing circle.  There's no chit chat in the men's locker room.  Shower and GTFO.

thamike:To be fair, if you're going to go penis-watching, it's basic etiquette to strike up a conversation.

Are you insane? That's precisely why we  don't strike up conversations. So we can have plausible deniability when we get caught peeking.

Maybe if you wanted to  be watched, you could be a little chatty. But not if you're watching. Jeez, it's n00bs like you, making everyone all suspicious and guarded, who make it tough for me to get my gym bag with the hidden camera positioned just right.


I scream in German while I bugeye everybody's junk.  Now who's the noob, creeper?
2013-03-03 02:08:30 PM
1 votes:
It's not the ladies sewing circle.  There's no chit chat in the men's locker room.  Shower and GTFO.

thamike:To be fair, if you're going to go penis-watching, it's basic etiquette to strike up a conversation.

Are you insane? That's precisely why we  don't strike up conversations. So we can have plausible deniability when we get caught peeking.

Maybe if you wanted to  be watched, you could be a little chatty. But not if you're watching. Jeez, it's n00bs like you, making everyone all suspicious and guarded, who make it tough for me to get my gym bag with the hidden camera positioned just right.
2013-03-03 02:04:40 PM
1 votes:

eddiesocket: I agree in general. I don't see what's wrong with what he said in this particular article, though.


1 - His tone.  He's lecturing and self-righteous.
2 - His woefully ignorant point of view. Conflict is a natural part of marriage, men discuss it sometimes flippantly.  To do so is not the downfall of marriage or Western civilization.
3 - His conclusion.  He actually demands his readers rethink how they address their respective wives, but only after an article filled with a semi-coherent rant full of his opinion and no facts.
I realize his screed passes for a PhD thesis on Fox News where denying science is considered rational, reasonable and patriotic, but for anyone who wants a citation more credible than this drooling, closet knob gobbler's opinion it just won't do.

That help you any?
2013-03-03 01:50:23 PM
1 votes:
Why are people mad at this guy? Because he won't talk crap about his wife to strangers at the gym?  What a  monster.
Yeah sure, he probably won't feel quite this schoompy once he's been married longer, but the general idea--don't hate your spouse, don't talk shiat about them in public--is a pretty sound one, I think.
kth
2013-03-03 01:29:32 PM
1 votes:

Uchiha_Cycliste: Mrbogey: Uchiha_Cycliste: We were discussing the NoFx song "Don't call me white" I interpret it as don't make assumptions based on race, she thinks they are avoiding and disregarding white privilege.

How that conversation doesn't end with the car swerving into the divider, I'll never know.

we were in bed drinking the morning coffee =D. I drove us to the airport 5 min later, then she drove to work and I went home =(.


That makes me smile so very very much. I love the random conversations that happen while snuggling.

My husband and I had a long conversation a few nights ago before we went to sleep about how if corporations are people too (my friend), then can they get married? And if so, how can we be sure of gender so they don't (gasp) get gay married?  And at what point is a subsidiary considered alive? Yeah, we're dorks.
2013-03-03 01:27:39 PM
1 votes:

supayoda: The two biggest arguments my husband and I have ever had in 10 years of marriage:

1. The Great Chicken Salad Sandwich Debate of 2007. This was a basic Arby's versus Chick-fil-A argument that turned into a shouting match.

2. The yelling match that started over which of us could hook up the television to the myriad of gaming consoles we have in our possession the fastest. After an hour of him fumbling with various cords, I did it in about two minutes. I still don't let him set up the electronic devices. Seriously, I recently shoved him out of my office chair after he attempted to learn Windows 8 and decided to instead go with Google for a solution to my problem.

I also yell at him from time to time when he gets my takeout order wrong.


Our last argument was because I was looking up plans to build an adult sized soap box racer. The future Mrs. titwrench explained that I was not allowed to build it until I finish my hovercraft. I protested, she won.
2013-03-03 01:27:31 PM
1 votes:

CujoQuarrel: That's disgusting

A married guy who won't disparage his spouse.

Utterly awful


Well, duh. His wife didn't give him permission.  That should be obvious.
2013-03-03 01:19:51 PM
1 votes:

mainstreet62: The key to a good marriage is to provoke key arguments on your terms on stuff you have a strong opinion about. If you can steer her to the conclusion you wanted in the first place, and let her think she won, who REALLY won?

Look dumbfounded anytime your wife is yelling at you on her terms about anything else. She'll drop it quick. And just do whatever she tells you when she's angry. You're going to do it anyway.


Or you can get a boat and learn to fish.
2013-03-03 01:14:15 PM
1 votes:
The two biggest arguments my husband and I have ever had in 10 years of marriage:

1. The Great Chicken Salad Sandwich Debate of 2007. This was a basic Arby's versus Chick-fil-A argument that turned into a shouting match.

2. The yelling match that started over which of us could hook up the television to the myriad of gaming consoles we have in our possession the fastest. After an hour of him fumbling with various cords, I did it in about two minutes. I still don't let him set up the electronic devices. Seriously, I recently shoved him out of my office chair after he attempted to learn Windows 8 and decided to instead go with Google for a solution to my problem.

I also yell at him from time to time when he gets my takeout order wrong.
2013-03-03 12:50:03 PM
1 votes:
FTA Hold your nose though, because here comes the really cold water

Lolwut?
2013-03-03 12:49:10 PM
1 votes:

Uchiha_Cycliste: We were discussing the NoFx song "Don't call me white" I interpret it as don't make assumptions based on race, she thinks they are avoiding and disregarding white privilege.


How that conversation doesn't end with the car swerving into the divider, I'll never know.
2013-03-03 12:45:40 PM
1 votes:
While I agree with the small kernal of a central principle that you shoot your own self in the foot by taking on the attitude that your partner is a pain in the ass and outwardly biatch about it....... yeah this guy is setting himself up for a world of disappointment.

A smug married of only 6 months, who only lost his virginity in the same time frame still thinks his wife hung the moon? Surely there is no other explanation for this other than that she is the world's perfect woman.
2013-03-03 12:38:32 PM
1 votes:
Although I am still married to the woman I married, the woman I am married to is not the woman I married...
2013-03-03 12:37:52 PM
1 votes:

Unlord: "he said, as we were changing in the gym locker room."

That's all I needed to hear to know this guy's an annoying douche.

It's not the ladies sewing circle.  There's no chit chat in the men's locker room.  Shower and GTFO.


To be fair, if you're going to go penis-watching, it's basic etiquette to strike up a conversation.
2013-03-03 12:27:18 PM
1 votes:
This was the guy in college who would insist to his dorm mates that his freshman year pigwoman was hotter than Angelina Jolie, even if she wasn't there.  And he had boundary issues.
2013-03-03 12:26:09 PM
1 votes:
This guy's marriage is already on the rocks. He thinks this article will give him a shot at another wet hole soon.
2013-03-03 12:25:14 PM
1 votes:

I should be in the kitchen: If your spouse is such a horrible person, what does that say about you for marrying her/him, hmmm? I think it's natural to want to vent on occasion but if all you have to say is negative, you're a piece of shiat.


Yes this
2013-03-03 12:17:28 PM
1 votes:
Why does it say Peter Johnson Jr. above the headline?

Peter...Johnson...Junior
2013-03-03 12:16:54 PM
1 votes:
I'm very sorry that the article writer was already caught cheating on his wife already, and the article itself is sort of a nice start to kiss and make up.
2013-03-03 12:12:33 PM
1 votes:
If you think your wife, or really anyone you are very close to, is perfect and beyond criticism then you don't actually know them very well. Any two people who live together are going to be out of sync about some things. That's just the nature of not being identical people. That is why people biatch about their spouses because everyone has something they don't like about them. It's the same reason they complain about bad weather to each other. It is a natural and common problem. This guy is wearing blinders but he's probably right that his wife is too good for him.

/or he could just be extremely submissive
//not that there's anything wrong with that with the right dom
2013-03-03 12:10:38 PM
1 votes:
I'm looking for a girl who knows how to make croissants. Good ones.
That would be unbelievably awesome.
2013-03-03 12:06:28 PM
1 votes:

cmunic8r99: rumpelstiltskin: From his Wikipedia page: He was married in August 2012

Snicker.

They are probably still having sex, even.


But not with each other.
2013-03-03 12:00:29 PM
1 votes:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."
2013-03-03 11:55:19 AM
1 votes:

cmunic8r99: rumpelstiltskin: From his Wikipedia page: He was married in August 2012

Snicker.

They are probably still having sex, even.


With each other, even. That won't last. He'll have a column in a year or three complaining about the cleanliness in Chinese massage parlors or bathroom stalls.
2013-03-03 11:52:41 AM
1 votes:
The future Mrs titwrench is a huge pain in my ass. If she wasn't I wouldn't get anything done.
2013-03-03 11:24:18 AM
1 votes:
I find this alleged guy to have an extremely punchable face.

And fapable wife.
 
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