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(Fox News)   Fox's favorite 'perfectly married' douche is back to talk about how perfect his marriage is. "I'm a guy and...." let me stop you right there   (foxnews.com) divider line 268
    More: Obvious, hairline  
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27138 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Mar 2013 at 11:47 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-03 12:31:01 PM

Ambivalence: Is this the same guy who pontificated that he waited until marraige to have sex?

That guy was a royal douche.


He's probably a liar as well.
 
2013-03-03 12:31:19 PM
My Grandmother (Who was married to my Grandfather for over 40 years.) had a favorite saying: "Show me a happily married man and I'll show you a wife who isn't doing her job."

From this article I deduce that Steven Crowder either has a lazy wife, or one that has a great job and him being a "comedian" and Fox News contributor doesn't pay the rent.
 
2013-03-03 12:31:20 PM

rumpelstiltskin: From his Wikipedia page: He was married in August 2012

Snicker.


Yeah, the shine is definitely still on the apple.

Not that marriage is miserable in any way, but a year and a half means he's even still probably getting head purely because she felt like it.
 
2013-03-03 12:31:21 PM
When you have problems, you discuss them. (Or biatch about them, if you don't know how to have a discussion.) When you learn how to resolve your problems, there's no need to discuss them other than as anecdotes, the same way you mention a movie you watched recently.

That paragraph wouldn't have made much of an article.
 
2013-03-03 12:31:23 PM
In other news, Jesse Crowder has a tiny penis. It's true. His wife told my wife.
 
2013-03-03 12:33:36 PM
Not sure how Joe Biden's hairline got into that article but ha ha ha I'm still laughing. He must be fun to live with, because, you know, he would make you laugh. Ha ha ha. And that's what women really like about men. Ha ha ha.
 
2013-03-03 12:33:57 PM

Mikey1969: rumpelstiltskin: From his Wikipedia page: He was married in August 2012

Snicker.

Yeah, the shine is definitely still on the apple.

Not that marriage is miserable in any way, but a year and a half means he's even still probably getting head purely because she felt like it.


It's actually less than a year. So your point is even truer.
 
2013-03-03 12:35:18 PM

Uchiha_Cycliste: There are some cases where this is true.


Absolutely, man. Read the rest of it. I was just bashing this guy for being a know-it-all jackass. There are no absolutes and not all situations are the same. I just hate his holier-than-thou approach. "If it works for me, you're an asshole because I'm awesome!"

I only know of a few really strong marriages where I just smile and think it would be cool to have that. It's nice to see the ones that work, but I've seen so many horror shows...

Just glad you're happy because that's really all that matters.
 
2013-03-03 12:36:08 PM
"he said, as we were changing in the gym locker room."

That's all I needed to hear to know this guy's an annoying douche.

It's not the ladies sewing circle.  There's no chit chat in the men's locker room.  Shower and GTFO.
 
2013-03-03 12:36:41 PM

Zelron: In other words, you say "Yes dear."  There's only two ways a wife is perfect.  Either you're submissive and do everything she says.  Or she's submissive and does everything you say.  Any other way you disagree and no one's perfect.


And the missuz sitting next to me says "And that's boring!"

/Luvez my missuz
//She luvez me
///We piss each other off sometimes, tho
 
2013-03-03 12:37:20 PM

thamike: mod3072: This. Sorry, but I'm not taking marriage advice from someone who is still basically on their honeymoon. I might as well take driving tips from my 14 year-old son. He has a drivers license now, so he must be an expert, right?

What maniac gave a 14 year old a drivers license?


I'm curious about this, too. Folks can get a permit here at 15. 
I have a 14 yr old boy. I don't think I'd want him driving yet.
 
2013-03-03 12:37:52 PM

Unlord: "he said, as we were changing in the gym locker room."

That's all I needed to hear to know this guy's an annoying douche.

It's not the ladies sewing circle.  There's no chit chat in the men's locker room.  Shower and GTFO.


To be fair, if you're going to go penis-watching, it's basic etiquette to strike up a conversation.
 
2013-03-03 12:38:32 PM
Although I am still married to the woman I married, the woman I am married to is not the woman I married...
 
2013-03-03 12:38:59 PM

Zelron: Uchiha_Cycliste: NewportBarGuy: A man-child who says he needs a woman to be a better man.

There are some cases where this is true.
For instance the deal I have going with my girlfriend. Though we've only been dating since July, we've been best friends forever. And for at least the last ten years we have had a deal worked out where if she tells me to do something I do it, and if she tells me not to do something I don't. No arguing, no discussion.
When she says you need to go to the hospital right now, I skedaddle to the closest hospital. When she says, no! you can't climb on that! I don't. I seem to lack that little voice that says 'hey, maybe that's not a good idea' so she provides it for me =D

\been best friends for almost 25 years (since we were 6)
\\been pretty deeply in love for at least a couple of years before we started dating. ♥

In other words, you say "Yes dear."  There's only two ways a wife is perfect.  Either you're submissive and do everything she says.  Or she's submissive and does everything you say.  Any other way you disagree and no one's perfect.


We do disagree sometimes, but it usually results in us both learning something and coming at something from different POVs that we share. Never on important things though. With the deal we have worked out, often I'll call or text her and ask if I can do this or that, or I'll let her know if something not good is happening and ask her advice. Other times I can just ask myself, if she were here... would she let me do this? And that's kept me pretty safe (ie not severely injured and alive =D)
We have some debate about this, but we suspect because of the way we grew up, and the influence we've had on each other's tastes over time has resulted in us pretty much feeling the same about most things. Everything important at least. Likewise because of how we've pulled each other through bad times there's no one that knows each of us better than us in the whole world =D. She knows what I'm thinking and vice versa, almost like mind reading.

Interestingly, most of our disagreements occur over subjects involving race. For instance (and this happened yesterday morning, before we drove me to the airport). We were discussing the NoFx song "Don't call me white" I interpret it as don't make assumptions based on race, she thinks they are avoiding and disregarding white privilege. But pretty much there are no situations where submission is required, we are always on the same wavelength. If we differ, we argue on the merits of the situation. An engineer and a doctor are an awesome couple.
 
2013-03-03 12:39:01 PM

MurphyMurphy: I find this alleged guy to have an extremely punchable face.


cdn.breitbart.com
s3.chelseafcblog.net
 
2013-03-03 12:41:38 PM

MurphyMurphy: Ambivalence: Is this the same guy who pontificated that he waited until marraige to have sex?

That guy was a royal douche.

Surprise! He still is.


Wow.  It's amazing I could tell that just by his writing style (I wouldn't remember his name or face).  You have to be a painfully brilliant douche to be that obvious.
 
2013-03-03 12:42:05 PM

FloydA: I never had a bad thing to say about any of my exes for the first six months we were together either.


That was my first thought. "Go ahead, idiot, and shine your newlywed wisdom all over the men who have 20-30 years in and be sure to share the secrets of how you've lasted this long." Even before my husband and I were married, I could tell you that our relationship wasn't perfect. No relationship is. And me venting or joking to my girlfriends (or him to his guy friends) is a perfectly normal and healthy way of getting that out. It has abso-farking-lutely nothing to do with peer pressure.

But yeah... I guess if my husband and I held it all in and then let it occasionally explode in some glorious screaming match every few days, we'd have a much better marriage. Personally, I prefer not having to sneak around my house to avoid the other people living in it. Having a husband who's more interested ripping off my yoga pants than griping about how I burned dinner doesn't hurt, either.

So I'll conclude... Either he's lying about how perfect things are, he's delusional, or this thing has maybe another year or two before it ends with one of them banging the neighbor and/or a murder/suicide.

/Married 10 years in May.
 
2013-03-03 12:42:38 PM
In a couple of months I will celebrate my 20th wedding anniversary with my wife.  We still love each other, and get along great.  But the author hasn't lived long enough or had enough experience in the world if he thinks a spouse, even a loving, kind, funny, happy, cool, sexy one, will not ever be a pain in the ass.  I try not to disparage my wife in front of others, but he's in a fantasy land if he thinks a good marriage never has any arguments or times when one or both partners are not perfect.  Sometimes my wife has been a pain in my ass.  Sometimes I've been a pain her hers.  A good marriage is not one that never experiences difficulties, but one in which both partners work through them together when they do occur.
 
2013-03-03 12:43:01 PM

Johnsnownw: My wife is a huge pain in the ass, and I love the hell out of her. That's the way it should be.

/Guy must have a boring sex life.


Probably only missionary and no beej, ever.

Sucks for him! (well she probably doesn't)
 
2013-03-03 12:43:08 PM

NewportBarGuy: Uchiha_Cycliste: There are some cases where this is true.

Absolutely, man. Read the rest of it. I was just bashing this guy for being a know-it-all jackass. There are no absolutes and not all situations are the same. I just hate his holier-than-thou approach. "If it works for me, you're an asshole because I'm awesome!"

I only know of a few really strong marriages where I just smile and think it would be cool to have that. It's nice to see the ones that work, but I've seen so many horror shows...

Just glad you're happy because that's really all that matters.


Thanks!
If this guy is the prick he sounds like, he'll get what's coming to him. To quote The Streets, "We met through a shared view, she loved me and I did too". She's gonne be unhappy when she realizes that he cares more for himself than her, and with any luck she'll make him miserable.

On a side note, we like to joke amongst ourselves about how backwards we've done things. Already best friends, and pretty much wanna spend the rest of our lives together, then found ourselves deeply and madly in love, and then we decided you know what, we should start dating. =P

\love her so much.
 
2013-03-03 12:45:40 PM
While I agree with the small kernal of a central principle that you shoot your own self in the foot by taking on the attitude that your partner is a pain in the ass and outwardly biatch about it....... yeah this guy is setting himself up for a world of disappointment.

A smug married of only 6 months, who only lost his virginity in the same time frame still thinks his wife hung the moon? Surely there is no other explanation for this other than that she is the world's perfect woman.
 
2013-03-03 12:45:44 PM

Unlord: "he said, as we were changing in the gym locker room."

That's all I needed to hear to know this guy's an annoying douche.

It's not the ladies sewing circle. There's no chit chat in the men's locker room. Shower and GTFO.


basically that comment is code to let his audience know that he is a closeted self-hater
 
2013-03-03 12:47:50 PM

FloydA: CujoQuarrel: That's disgusting

A married guy who won't disparage his spouse.

Utterly awful

I never had a bad thing to say about any of my exes for the first six months we were together either.


8 years here, and still never say anything negative about my wife. And partly because of that, our marriage just keeps getting better and better.
 
2013-03-03 12:48:03 PM

No_Good_Name: I am a pita. I expect my man to blow off steam with his friends and complain. Otherwise, it would just build up and he would resent me. I do the same to my friends. So, I can come home with a fresh perspective.


Exactly.  I don't know what kind of people the author hangs out with, but for most people I know (who don't genuinely have marital issues, in which case they're often looking for support from their friends to help them through a difficult time) most of the "complaining" just boils down to letting off steam about living in close quarters with someone you love but who isn't perfect.

Hence why I don't feel the need to march off in a huff, complaining about my vapors when I hear it.
 
2013-03-03 12:48:25 PM

kid_icarus: My gut reaction after reading TFA was, "...his wife is cheating on him."
Why? Because when you write an article like that, the universe can't resist. It has a dick-ish sense of humor.


I had the same gut reaction. It was when he said "I married somebody better than myself."

Someone better than you will get sick of you much quicker than you get sick of them. Of course this guy won`t badmouth his wife, she is much better than him. He won`t ever get sick of her. He knows that he is a coonts hair away from her realising she could do much better and deciding to fark the pool boy and then running off to Rio with half his money...
 
2013-03-03 12:48:33 PM
I read it as "when girly men get together, they moan about their wives."

/got no farther in the reading thing
 
2013-03-03 12:48:36 PM
I'm sure my husband thought I was amazing for the first year we were married. 
We're coming up at 22 years now. I'm sure he knows most of my faults by now.
 
2013-03-03 12:49:10 PM

Uchiha_Cycliste: We were discussing the NoFx song "Don't call me white" I interpret it as don't make assumptions based on race, she thinks they are avoiding and disregarding white privilege.


How that conversation doesn't end with the car swerving into the divider, I'll never know.
 
2013-03-03 12:50:03 PM
FTA Hold your nose though, because here comes the really cold water

Lolwut?
 
2013-03-03 12:50:22 PM

mafiageek1980: Uchiha_Cycliste: NewportBarGuy: A man-child who says he needs a woman to be a better man.

There are some cases where this is true.
For instance the deal I have going with my girlfriend. Though we've only been dating since July, we've been best friends forever. And for at least the last ten years we have had a deal worked out where if she tells me to do something I do it, and if she tells me not to do something I don't. No arguing, no discussion.
When she says you need to go to the hospital right now, I skedaddle to the closest hospital. When she says, no! you can't climb on that! I don't. I seem to lack that little voice that says 'hey, maybe that's not a good idea' so she provides it for me =D

\been best friends for almost 25 years (since we were 6)
\\been pretty deeply in love for at least a couple of years before we started dating. ♥

damn, it's a bit dusty here in casa de la mafiageek all the sudden!


would the dustiness be mitigated with the unavoidable irritation from us acting like young high school sweet hearts? =P

Heh, I think it's funny that for years now we've talked about marriage and kids and stuff, mostly in general terms for all our conversations but (apparently) it was in the back of both our minds that these conversations would possibly/probably actually be bout us. Also, I know her well enough that on a little vacation we took a while ago I asked her, no that's not right, i stated, you don't want to take my name if we get married do you. Which she agreed. What was neat was that we both knew her answer but it took a long time for us to dig down into why she said no. Well, the obvious solution is that I'll take her name. All that's important to me is that were we to get married we have the same last name as a symbolic statement that we are starting a family together. I don't particularly care if we keep mine, or I have hers as long as ew share the same surname.  I know it ages down the road, but I can't wait to be married.
 
2013-03-03 12:50:36 PM

ISO15693: FloydA: CujoQuarrel: That's disgusting

A married guy who won't disparage his spouse.

Utterly awful

I never had a bad thing to say about any of my exes for the first six months we were together either.

8 years here, and still never say anything negative about my wife. And partly because of that, our marriage just keeps getting better and better.


3 years for me.  My biggest complaint is the broad keeps getting in my way in the kitchen.  She needs to stay the fark out.  I cook, she cleans.
 
2013-03-03 12:51:21 PM

megalynn44: While I agree with the small kernal of a central principle that you shoot your own self in the foot by taking on the attitude that your partner is a pain in the ass and outwardly biatch about it....... yeah this guy is setting himself up for a world of disappointment.

A smug married of only 6 months, who only lost his virginity in the same time frame still thinks his wife hung the moon? Surely there is no other explanation for this other than that she is the world's perfect woman.


Codependency is a b*tch.
 
2013-03-03 12:51:23 PM

Mrbogey: Uchiha_Cycliste: We were discussing the NoFx song "Don't call me white" I interpret it as don't make assumptions based on race, she thinks they are avoiding and disregarding white privilege.

How that conversation doesn't end with the car swerving into the divider, I'll never know.


we were in bed drinking the morning coffee =D. I drove us to the airport 5 min later, then she drove to work and I went home =(.
 
2013-03-03 12:51:56 PM

Ambivalence: Is this the same guy who pontificated that he waited until marraige to have sex?

That guy was a royal douche.


OH, he`s THAT guy!

/he MUST be trolling the interwebs, there`s no way someone could be THAT much of a douche...
//that or he isn`t telling is he has sex with the children he has locked in the basement
 
2013-03-03 12:52:10 PM

Paul Baumer: FTA Hold your nose though, because here comes the really cold water

Lolwut?


Waterboarding is a staple of right wing humor.
 
2013-03-03 12:52:19 PM

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: Mikey1969: rumpelstiltskin: From his Wikipedia page: He was married in August 2012

Snicker.

Yeah, the shine is definitely still on the apple.

Not that marriage is miserable in any way, but a year and a half means he's even still probably getting head purely because she felt like it.

It's actually less than a year. So your point is even truer.


Oh shiat, you're right... Been a bit out of it all weekend, I was doing math for Aug of `11..
 
2013-03-03 12:54:58 PM
Twenty bucks says he's a wife beater, now or later.
 
2013-03-03 12:54:59 PM
His wife is cheating on him.  For a guy like this, that's an automatic.
Can't wait to see him turn into Sam Kinison after he gets divorced.

www.biography.com
 
2013-03-03 12:55:03 PM

thamike: megalynn44: While I agree with the small kernal of a central principle that you shoot your own self in the foot by taking on the attitude that your partner is a pain in the ass and outwardly biatch about it....... yeah this guy is setting himself up for a world of disappointment.

A smug married of only 6 months, who only lost his virginity in the same time frame still thinks his wife hung the moon? Surely there is no other explanation for this other than that she is the world's perfect woman.

Codependency is a b*tch.


9th grade english. I had an old crone for a teacher that was (or acted like a romantic) and had us role play / read Romeo and Juliet in class and then write an essay. I wrote my essay on the fallacies of codependency. She was unamused =D.

Also y'all that have seen Warm bodies? It's a reverse Romeo and Juliet. Even down to the names. Julia and R... I'd wager that R is Romeo. ;) and thinking so make me happy. They even had the balcony scene/

\Juliet says hey it's Romeo, you nearly gimme me a heart attack
\\He's underneath the window she's singing hey la my boyfriend's back
\\\You shouldn't come around here singing up at people like that
\\\\Anyway what you gonna do about it?
 
2013-03-03 12:55:05 PM
There is a scene in Requiem for a Dream where Marion imagines herself stabbing her date in the hand with a fork, screaming "YOU SMUG F*CK!!!"

I'm imagining the same about this guy right now.
 
2013-03-03 12:55:22 PM
I have no idea who his wife is, but it is my new life's mission to introduce her to Hernando, who would leave her wrapped, twisted around damp sheets, panting and hair-matted and with claw-marks across the nightstand that she would shamefacedly have to explain to this horrifically unfunny hack writer hubby of hers.
 
2013-03-03 01:02:01 PM

Uchiha_Cycliste: 9th grade english. I had an old crone for a teacher that was (or acted like a romantic) and had us role play / read Romeo and Juliet in class and then write an essay. I wrote my essay on the fallacies of codependency. She was unamused =D.


12th grade English.  My  teacher wanted us to write about how The Godfather mirrors Macbeth for our final essay.  We had an option to disagree.  I wrote an entire paper--a well written one with citations and footnotes--about how they in no way  mirrored one another (besides the point that power is a corrupter, which is too vague a concept to make a declarative comparison).  I had to fight off a D, because apparently this dipsh*t had fancied himself a genius for coming up with the idea, and took my response personally.

I have yet to find an educational department more full of sh*t on average than high school English departments.
 
2013-03-03 01:03:27 PM
My husband and I knew each other for 13 years before we got married, and we are rapidly approaching our silver anniversary.  We constantly harp at each other, the nagging and whining are legendary, and the best part is neither of us is afraid to say exactly what's on our mind to the other.  I absolutely despise women who act all sweetness and light around their spouses, and then as soon as they are in different locales, blammo, out pop the real feelings and thoughts.  Hell, even my kids picked up on the number of adults that are two-faced around their significant others, and my kids aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer.

Nobody's perfect, and grow up.
 
2013-03-03 01:04:52 PM
The key to a good marriage is to provoke key arguments on your terms on stuff you have a strong opinion about. If you can steer her to the conclusion you wanted in the first place, and let her think she won, who REALLY won?

Look dumbfounded anytime your wife is yelling at you on her terms about anything else. She'll drop it quick. And just do whatever she tells you when she's angry. You're going to do it anyway.
 
2013-03-03 01:04:54 PM
biatching about your wife 1. Makes you a biatch. 2. Is like telling everyone you don't lock your doors and you don't own weapons. Nobody else is tired of her shiat. I rarely hear men complain about their wives.
Complain away about your ex. It makes you look bad, keep that in mind.
If you complain about your girlfriend, you should just die.
 
2013-03-03 01:04:57 PM

thamike: Uchiha_Cycliste: 9th grade english. I had an old crone for a teacher that was (or acted like a romantic) and had us role play / read Romeo and Juliet in class and then write an essay. I wrote my essay on the fallacies of codependency. She was unamused =D.

12th grade English.  My  teacher wanted us to write about how The Godfather mirrors Macbeth for our final essay.  We had an option to disagree.  I wrote an entire paper--a well written one with citations and footnotes--about how they in no way  mirrored one another (besides the point that power is a corrupter, which is too vague a concept to make a declarative comparison).  I had to fight off a D, because apparently this dipsh*t had fancied himself a genius for coming up with the idea, and took my response personally.

I have yet to find an educational department more full of sh*t on average than high school English departments.


yeah, I considered my essay pretty well written, but my abysmal score reflected our *ah hem* differences in opinion. =/
 
2013-03-03 01:04:59 PM

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: Mikey1969: rumpelstiltskin: From his Wikipedia page: He was married in August 2012

Snicker.

Yeah, the shine is definitely still on the apple.

Not that marriage is miserable in any way, but a year and a half means he's even still probably getting head purely because she felt like it.

It's actually less than a year. So your point is even truer.


THIS. Every time a friend, family member or co-worker gets married I know that somewhere between 6 months to 2 years the "You know how to keep a marriage together? Well let me tell you..." crap is coming. It's the same thing with kids too. People have a new baby and you know the old Advice Train is coming down the line somewhere.

Unlord: "he said, as we were changing in the gym locker room."

That's all I needed to hear to know this guy's an annoying douche.

It's not the ladies sewing circle.  There's no chit chat in the men's locker room.  Shower and GTFO.


ALSO THIS.
 
2013-03-03 01:05:17 PM
None of my friends who were at the 6 month mark in a relationship have ever been all "Let me explain relationships to you all". But I have known people who went to Law School and Medical School, and they were all about as insufferable as can be for the first year about law and medicine, respectively.

I'm assuming this guy is doing the same thing, just regarding his weirdo wife.
 
2013-03-03 01:06:17 PM
I have to say, as someone who hears the female and male version of this all this time, yeah, I'm with this guy, STFU. If you marry a man-child\shrewish biatch,  go figure out a way to make it work or get a divorce, but don't clutter up girl\guy time with biatching about it. "Oh, yeah, last Tuesday I had to help my husband run the dishwasher, he just couldn't figure it out, ha ha!" "My wife's such a biatch, she's calling me every ten seconds to be sure I'm not cheating, ha ha!".

I mean, I'm sure this is funny to some people, but the rest of us are looking at you and idly considering introducing your head to a large blunt object to fix whatever obvious brain damage you had marrying such a nimrod in the first place.
 
2013-03-03 01:06:59 PM
If you have that much to biatch about, you need a new wife.

If you have kids, sorry man, you're permafarked.
 
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