If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Komo)   Woman: "God, smite this burglar." God: "Okay"   (komonews.com) divider line 59
    More: Cool, god, Seattle Police, Acura  
•       •       •

16697 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Mar 2013 at 3:08 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



59 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-03-02 12:45:49 PM  
yeah, but god also sent the burglar.
 
2013-03-02 01:02:24 PM  

ultraholland: yeah, but god also sent the burglar.


The burglar had his own free will.  Of course, god could have stopped him before he got there, but that would interfere with his free will.

/God is playing a game of solitaire with weird rules.
 
2013-03-02 01:19:20 PM  
She told officers she yelled out, "Lord help me," and the man fell back, hitting his head on the fridge.

But, her husband did end up calling the police a week later when a white Acura pulled into their driveway, turned around and left.


At least she's consistent in her inability to believe in coincidences.

/yeah, after that incident a white car pulling in my driveway would freak me out too
 
2013-03-02 02:49:27 PM  

EvilEgg: ultraholland: yeah, but god also sent the burglar.

The burglar had his own free will.  Of course, god could have stopped him before he got there, but that would interfere with his free will.

/God is playing a game of solitaire with weird rules.


And he's playing it 'til dawn with a deck of 51.

/obscure?
 
2013-03-02 02:57:00 PM  
The victim told officers the burglar never said a word to her and only took a $20 bill that had been sitting on the table.

Don't leave money sitting out on tables.
 
2013-03-02 02:58:11 PM  

xanadian: EvilEgg: ultraholland: yeah, but god also sent the burglar.

The burglar had his own free will.  Of course, god could have stopped him before he got there, but that would interfere with his free will.

/God is playing a game of solitaire with weird rules.

And he's playing it 'til dawn with a deck of 51.

/obscure?


Smothers Brothers is old, not obscure.
 
2013-03-02 03:12:23 PM  
The victim firmly believes God saved her, so she didn't bother calling police to report the crime

There you go.
 
2013-03-02 03:12:41 PM  

EvilEgg: xanadian: EvilEgg: ultraholland: yeah, but god also sent the burglar.

The burglar had his own free will.  Of course, god could have stopped him before he got there, but that would interfere with his free will.

/God is playing a game of solitaire with weird rules.

And he's playing it 'til dawn with a deck of 51.

/obscure?

Smothers Brothers is old, not obscure.


Neither is Captain Kangaroo.
 
2013-03-02 03:14:48 PM  
the alleged burglar sounds like the most normal person in this story
 
2013-03-02 03:16:30 PM  
And because she didn't call the police, God saved them from doing any paperwork over it.
 
2013-03-02 03:16:50 PM  
Pretty elaborate story for pinching $20 to spend on some bonbons, lady.

/if there was a god and it scrutinized and influenced such small events like that they god is a raging asshole for letting all the really terrible things that have happened to the world happen
 
2013-03-02 03:17:06 PM  

EvilEgg: xanadian: EvilEgg: ultraholland: yeah, but god also sent the burglar.

The burglar had his own free will.  Of course, god could have stopped him before he got there, but that would interfere with his free will.

/God is playing a game of solitaire with weird rules.

And he's playing it 'til dawn with a deck of 51.

/obscure?

Smothers Brothers is old, not obscure.


Statler Brothers.
 
2013-03-02 03:18:19 PM  
Selection bias.

Why do we never hear of the cases where a woman calls out "Lord help me,"  and gets stabbed for it?
 
2013-03-02 03:19:21 PM  

EvilEgg: ultraholland: yeah, but god also sent the burglar.

The burglar had his own free will.  Of course, god could have stopped him before he got there, but that would interfere with his free will.

/God is playing a game of solitaire with weird rules.



Solitaire?  No no no.  God does not play solitaire with the universe; He play an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of the players, (i.e. the burglar and the prayer) to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, and a Dealer who won't tell you the rules an who smiles all the time.
 
2013-03-02 03:19:22 PM  
So... this never happened... I bet she just wanted the 20
 
2013-03-02 03:19:27 PM  

taxandspend: xanadian: EvilEgg: ultraholland: yeah, but god also sent the burglar.

The burglar had his own free will.  Of course, god could have stopped him before he got there, but that would interfere with his free will.

/God is playing a game of solitaire with weird rules.

And he's playing it 'til dawn with a deck of 51.

/obscure?

Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain (Kang) Kangaroo.


Now don't tell me I've nothing to do.
It's good to see you, I must go.
 
2013-03-02 03:19:50 PM  
Ironically, she was praying to God that a strange man would enter her life.
 
2013-03-02 03:19:50 PM  

HairBolus: Selection bias.

Why do we never hear of the cases where a woman calls out "Lord help me,"  and gets stabbed for it?


Because the biatch is dead!
 
2013-03-02 03:24:21 PM  
Lady, God also says you should get a gun, lock your doors, and get some training.
 
2013-03-02 03:25:10 PM  
God has a drunken idiot ray?
 
2013-03-02 03:26:45 PM  
she's having an affair. perhaps there was a dent in the fridge

she was on her knees giving a guy a blowjob. he pulled her hair because that's what you do when girls give you blow jobs. he hit his head on the fridge when he orgasmed. he turned around in the driveway because he noticed the husband was home.

she probably pocketed the 20
 
2013-03-02 03:26:56 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com

Okely Dokely!
 
2013-03-02 03:30:42 PM  
I guess now that football season is over, God has to find something to do to pass the boredom.
 
2013-03-02 03:34:29 PM  
According to the report, the victim firmly believes God saved her, so she didn't bother calling police to report the crime.

...so the cops didn't know there was a dangerous man walking into people's homes.  So he could continue to do so, for a while anyway, with no fear of police intervention.  Brilliant, lady.  Farking brilliant.
 
2013-03-02 03:36:20 PM  
I was hoping for some Jules Ezekiel 25:17 larity
 
2013-03-02 03:36:54 PM  
Can't fix stupid
 
2013-03-02 03:37:12 PM  

HairBolus: Selection bias.

Why do we never hear of the cases where a woman calls out "Lord help me,"  and gets stabbed for it?


That's called the natural selection bias, the women can't tell their story since they're dead.
 
2013-03-02 03:37:59 PM  
I thought the headline was a woman asking god to smite a burger. I had no idea what kind or article could be linked to such a headline. I could see a woman asking god to smite a burger, but that he complied? Wow.
 
2013-03-02 03:38:21 PM  

InitialCommentGuy: EvilEgg: ultraholland: yeah, but god also sent the burglar.

The burglar had his own free will.  Of course, god could have stopped him before he got there, but that would interfere with his free will.

/God is playing a game of solitaire with weird rules.


Solitaire?  No no no.  God does not play solitaire with the universe; He play an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of the players, (i.e. the burglar and the prayer) to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, and a Dealer who won't tell you the rules an who smiles all the time.


You guys are all wrong....

God is playing Calvin Ball.
 
2013-03-02 03:38:54 PM  
Damn it, people are f'in stupid.
 
2013-03-02 03:40:53 PM  

Hector Remarkable: The victim firmly believes God saved her, so she didn't bother calling police to report the crime

There you go.


His head left an imprint in the shape of Jeezus on the fridge door, is how she knew.
 
2013-03-02 03:43:09 PM  
pounddawg: You guys are all wrong....

God is playing Calvin Ball.


I hear god's a big fan of Plinko.
 
2013-03-02 03:43:15 PM  
Of course she believes it was her magical friend. He fell over upon seeing  her face.

Better to believe in magical Jeebus than to admit you're ugly enough to physically repel people.
 
2013-03-02 03:43:51 PM  

ultraholland: pounddawg: You guys are all wrong....

God is playing Calvin Ball.

I hear god's a big fan of Plinko.


I thought it was ski-ball
 
2013-03-02 03:51:27 PM  
Starving kids in Africa, wounded, maimed and crippled kids in Afghanistan and Iraq, and Kim Jong Un has nukes.  Good thing God has his farkin' priorities straight.
 
2013-03-02 03:52:33 PM  
So burglar gets away with $20 and a bump on the head and that's considered smiting?

Her god is a farking pussy in my book.
 
2013-03-02 03:56:59 PM  

xanadian: EvilEgg: ultraholland: yeah, but god also sent the burglar.

The burglar had his own free will.  Of course, god could have stopped him before he got there, but that would interfere with his free will.

/God is playing a game of solitaire with weird rules.

And he's playing it 'til dawn with a deck of 51.

/obscure?


smokin cigarettes and watchin Captain Kangaroo
 
2013-03-02 03:57:11 PM  

BumpInTheNight: ultraholland: pounddawg: You guys are all wrong....

God is playing Calvin Ball.

I hear god's a big fan of Plinko.

I thought it was ski-ball


24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-03-02 04:00:47 PM  
If you came up on someone who was so deep in thought/prayer like that to the point that hair pulling wouldn't work, and waited patiently. Wouldn't you jump, hit your head, and stumble away while freaked out?
 
2013-03-02 04:03:01 PM  

pounddawg: BumpInTheNight: ultraholland: pounddawg: You guys are all wrong....

God is playing Calvin Ball.

I hear god's a big fan of Plinko.

I thought it was ski-ball

[buddy_christ.jpg]


No, no. He likes gnip gnop.
 
2013-03-02 04:05:58 PM  
Skee ball. Skee.

/ skee skee skee
 
2013-03-02 04:14:17 PM  

pounddawg: InitialCommentGuy: EvilEgg: ultraholland: yeah, but god also sent the burglar.

The burglar had his own free will.  Of course, god could have stopped him before he got there, but that would interfere with his free will.

/God is playing a game of solitaire with weird rules.


Solitaire?  No no no.  God does not play solitaire with the universe; He play an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of the players, (i.e. the burglar and the prayer) to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, and a Dealer who won't tell you the rules an who smiles all the time.

You guys are all wrong....

God is playing Calvin Ball.


WIN.
 
2013-03-02 04:14:34 PM  
www.ariionkathleenbrindley.com
"Please don't send any burglars Lord"

/hot like Satan
 
2013-03-02 04:31:09 PM  

Finger51: So burglar gets away with $20 and a bump on the head and that's considered smiting?

Her god is a farking pussy in my book.


God doesn't believe in capital punishment.
 
2013-03-02 04:40:27 PM  
"I smite, you smite, he smites, we done smote! "

clzimages.com
 
2013-03-02 04:41:29 PM  
Yeah I always leave money sitting around on the table and not reporting burglaries. Sounds more like a drug deal gone bad to me.
 
2013-03-02 04:43:49 PM  
The scariest thing about that story is some of the drivel being spewed by bible thumpers in the comments section. That guy "Papio" seems to be rebuffing them pretty well though.
 
2013-03-02 04:53:10 PM  

EvilEgg: ultraholland: yeah, but god also sent the burglar.

The burglar had his own free will.  Of course, god could have stopped him before he got there, but that would interfere with his free will.

/God is playing a game of solitaire with weird rules.


god?
G.raphical O.mniscient D.evice?
 
2013-03-02 04:59:49 PM  
This could be potentially dangerous should this woman, now fully affirmed in her beliefs, witness a crime happening to her fellow man believe the almighty will intervene and smite whatever murder, robbery, rape she happens to witness. It happened to her (in her mind) so why wouldn't her "god of endless love" step in and prevent it happening to someone else. Always call the 5O regardless if god helps you out or not. It's not just for your own benefit. Who's to say right after buddy slipped on her floor he didn't drive a few blocks away and break into another house. Had she made a simple 3 digit phone call it may have prevented another crime. I love it when people credit god and not the bacon grease on the floor from last nights dinner. I hope no one else was hurt because of her unwavering faith...

/believes in god
 
2013-03-02 05:03:48 PM  
I like to believe I'm handsome and charming, but thinking doesn't make it so.
 
Displayed 50 of 59 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


Report