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(Opposing Views)   The internet has replaced grandparents as kids' No. 1 source for mostly wrong life advice   (opposingviews.com) divider line 52
    More: Interesting, Google, grandparents  
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2562 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Mar 2013 at 7:24 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-01 06:30:27 PM  
Meh. The internet never slipped me a twenty on the hush-hush.
 
2013-03-01 07:06:30 PM  
meh. the internet never inappropriately groped me on the hush-hush.
 
2013-03-01 07:19:42 PM  
Well, my family has a tradition of not being there once you are old enough to be on your own.  After that, you better know how to search for the answer somehow.

We're some kind of geological oddity, my whole life I have never lived closer than two day drive from grandparents, whether it's mine or my kid's grandparents.  Weird, uh?
 
2013-03-01 07:25:30 PM  
But how does one instain the mother?
 
2013-03-01 07:26:47 PM  
What could possibly go wrong?
 
2013-03-01 07:27:24 PM  
Meh. The internet never slipped me her tongue as kissed me on my 7th birthday.
 
2013-03-01 07:28:10 PM  
When I asked grandpa if women ejaculated or if it was just urine, he gave me a puzzled look and said he wasn't sure. The next day, he told me it was probably ejaculate because it wasn't salty enough to be urine, and grandma nodded in approval. I'll stick with asking grandpa for advice from now on.
 
2013-03-01 07:28:25 PM  
If I were free to ask my grandmother about big hairy gay bears bareback anal sex and she'd pull out a box full of porn mags filled to the brim with high-res full color photos and hours of free video, then absolutely, she would not have been replaced by Google.  But it is, what is its.  When I need advice on looking ugly and talking slow, then I'll go to granny.
 
2013-03-01 07:29:48 PM  
The internet is actually less racist than my grandfather.
 
2013-03-01 07:31:17 PM  
Nothing is more convincing than charts about global warming
 
2013-03-01 07:33:39 PM  
I don't know. This dog's pretty smart. Seems legit.

i224.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-01 07:39:54 PM  
The problem is that my parents basically think the the 1940s were the absolute best time in the world.

All their advice is framed in that time and seems totally irrelevant (You should buy bonds, etc)

Somehow they forget the wars, childhood diseases due to lack of vaccines, cars that were essentially death traps, systematic racial discrimination, propaganda etc..

Oh, and they absolutely REFUSE to believe the violent crime rate is going down.
 
2013-03-01 07:41:03 PM  
I'll take some internet misinfo over my dead, racist, bigot grandparents for advice.

And my puter is more reliable than a Ouija board.....
 
2013-03-01 07:42:47 PM  
But the current crop of grandparents are mostly boomers, so their advice and knowledge is super important stuff.
 
2013-03-01 07:45:06 PM  
eduncovered.com
 
2013-03-01 07:47:02 PM  
Why don't they put there information on the internet.
 
2013-03-01 07:47:13 PM  

SpdrJay: I'll take some internet misinfo over my dead, racist, bigot grandparents for advice.

And my puter is more reliable than a Ouija board.....


Geeze, maybe they acted that way so you wouldn't hang around them sunshine.
 
2013-03-01 07:49:57 PM  
Sadly... I believe the internet over my grandparents
 
2013-03-01 07:58:32 PM  
Most of the well-written Cracked articles ("five worst types of advice everyone gives you") is actually pretty damn good. A lot better than the usual word-of-mouth glib friend BS.
 
2013-03-01 07:59:56 PM  
This is exactly why we need to teach abstinence only sex education and good old biblical morals in our schools.
 
2013-03-01 08:01:47 PM  
I can't tell if this article is satire, or the author is very old.  obviously grandparents have been useless for advice for at least 50 years.  The world changes quickly these days, leaving old people confused and out of touch.
 
2013-03-01 08:04:15 PM  
(Eye Roll)   i17.photobucket.com  Two Links With Black Mold That Would Be Toxic To Click   (Featured Partner)
 
2013-03-01 08:07:20 PM  
I told my grandfather once that I'd learned in Science class that light takes 8 minutes to go from the Sun to the Earth.

My grandfather said that was a lie, a outright lie from the devil.  He said that "eyesight goes out to the sun and comes back in no time at all, none, it's instant, not 8 minutes, that's how fast the eyesight your eyes put out goes!"

Yeah, my grandfather tried to tell me to ignore science class in favor of believing that eyes emit "eyesight" which instantly travels at infinite speed out to something and back to let you know what is there.

My grandmother told me that when she was little (i.e. the 1920's) she had to worry about Indian attacks on her house.  She'd tell elaborate stories of Indian attacks, where they'd all be saved by brave Cowboys who rescued them from the evil "injuns".   There hadn't been Indian attacks in that area since the 1820's. . .and rural Kentucky was definitely not Cowboy territory.

They both also told me incredibly bigoted and racist things about the Japanese and black people.  My grandfather would threaten to spank me if I ever called them "Japanese" instead of "Japs", or called them "Blacks" instead of, well, the "N word".  Both my grandparents tried to act like that was the normal, everyday, regular way of talking about people of African descent.

 If Google had existed in the mid 1980's, I'd have rather been using that too.
 
2013-03-01 08:12:17 PM  
i see a lot of young parents using "you'll never get to see your grand kids" to extract money and manipulate favors from their parents/in-laws. other grand parents i see spending money they need to benefit  great grand children born to their single high school age grandchild slut mothers. no wonder y'all hate your grand parents.
 
2013-03-01 08:12:29 PM  

lack of warmth: Well, my family has a tradition of not being there once you are old enough to be on your own.  After that, you better know how to search for the answer somehow.

We're some kind of geological oddity, my whole life I have never lived closer than two day drive from grandparents, whether it's mine or my kid's grandparents.  Weird, uh?


They probably did that on purpose.
 
2013-03-01 08:12:50 PM  
There should be a website, where you ask a question, and it gets sent to a pool of old people who want to be helpful, and the responses appear.

Better job than a wal*mart greeter.
 
2013-03-01 08:20:40 PM  

Silverstaff: I told my grandfather once that I'd learned in Science class that light takes 8 minutes to go from the Sun to the Earth.

My grandfather said that was a lie, a outright lie from the devil.  He said that "eyesight goes out to the sun and comes back in no time at all, none, it's instant, not 8 minutes, that's how fast the eyesight your eyes put out goes!"

Yeah, my grandfather tried to tell me to ignore science class in favor of believing that eyes emit "eyesight" which instantly travels at infinite speed out to something and back to let you know what is there.

My grandmother told me that when she was little (i.e. the 1920's) she had to worry about Indian attacks on her house.  She'd tell elaborate stories of Indian attacks, where they'd all be saved by brave Cowboys who rescued them from the evil "injuns".   There hadn't been Indian attacks in that area since the 1820's. . .and rural Kentucky was definitely not Cowboy territory.

They both also told me incredibly bigoted and racist things about the Japanese and black people.  My grandfather would threaten to spank me if I ever called them "Japanese" instead of "Japs", or called them "Blacks" instead of, well, the "N word".  Both my grandparents tried to act like that was the normal, everyday, regular way of talking about people of African descent.

 If Google had existed in the mid 1980's, I'd have rather been using that too.


So, you're Calvin's son?
 
2013-03-01 08:28:22 PM  

kendelrio: lack of warmth: Well, my family has a tradition of not being there once you are old enough to be on your own.  After that, you better know how to search for the answer somehow.

We're some kind of geological oddity, my whole life I have never lived closer than two day drive from grandparents, whether it's mine or my kid's grandparents.  Weird, uh?

They probably did that on purpose.


I already came to that conclusion, but it's how it affects my kids that bother me.

You didn't expect that did you?  However, I am serious.
 
2013-03-01 08:29:37 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Nothing is more convincing than charts about global warming


and pirates

sparrowism.soc.srcf.net
 
2013-03-01 08:30:15 PM  

KrispyKritter: i see a lot of young parents using "you'll never get to see your grand kids" to extract money and manipulate favors from their parents/in-laws. other grand parents i see spending money they need to benefit  great grand children born to their single high school age grandchild slut mothers. no wonder y'all hate your grand parents.


And I wonder where high school age grandchild slut mothers learn their ideas of sexual health and familial integrity?  From their parents?  And where would their parents learn the same?  Hmmmm.. it's as if these douchebag old folk are 3 generations deep in the fruition of their unemotional careless form of showing love.
 
2013-03-01 08:32:26 PM  

Atomic Spunk: When I asked grandpa if women ejaculated


MrHappyRotter: If I were free to ask my grandmother about big hairy gay bears bareback anal sex


If my grandkids asked me about sex, I'd say "go ask your mother"
Later, I'd slap their mother for not telling them earlier.
 
2013-03-01 08:39:14 PM  
I never would have asked or taken advice from my maternal grandparents.  They were strict, disciplinarion mid-west-farmer-type people who generally didn't approve of the modern world and were pretty sure that having fun was the eighth sin.  At least, that what it seemed to my little-boy eyes, but I know better now.

My paternal grandparents were the exact opposite, cheery, happy, joke-around folks.  They were loud enough to frighten the blazes out of me when I was a wee lad, but I later learned to really appreciate them and their outlook on life.

I miss them all four terribly.  They were too old, and I was too young.
 
2013-03-01 08:50:16 PM  
My grandmother taught me how to enjoy boxed wine and introduced me to britcoms on PBS. And unconditional love. Internet can't do that.

now love advice on the other hand...the internet has her beat on that. She was a grouchy-old spinster, lol!
 
2013-03-01 08:52:38 PM  

plushpuppy: Why don't they put there information on the internet.


They did. It was called the tea party.
 
2013-03-01 08:54:40 PM  
My grandmother taught me that virgins are flat singers. Once they get some they sing much better!
 
2013-03-01 09:18:58 PM  
OK my grandson is only 11 months old, but I hope to teach him the proper use of the internet. And shot guns, as I don't trust the internet's advice on some things.
 
2013-03-01 09:21:43 PM  
Bon jour
 
2013-03-01 09:33:20 PM  
 I treat my grandkids just like I did my kids:
"hey, watch this" or "here's how to use a circular saw" or "you won't do that again, will you..."
 
2013-03-01 09:49:16 PM  
My grandparents were great at teaching me values, integrity, and hard work.   I doubt they could get me to a good "busty milf porn site" though.
 
2013-03-01 09:51:49 PM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: The problem is that my parents basically think the the 1940s were the absolute best time in the world.


ishkur.com
 
2013-03-01 09:54:07 PM  
I never met my maternal grandfather. My paternal grandfather was an East Texas dirt farmer, and was an extremely taciturn man. He only gave me one piece of advice that I can recall. One Sunday afternoon he and I had slipped out of the church service and were loitering outside, when a loud hymn struck up. He turned to me and said "Johnny - when you hear 'em singin' and prayin' real loud, like that? - go lock the henhouse."
Took me years to figure out what he meant.
He wasn't shiattin' around, tho.
 
2013-03-01 10:00:26 PM  

jso2897: I never met my maternal grandfather. My paternal grandfather was an East Texas dirt farmer, and was an extremely taciturn man. He only gave me one piece of advice that I can recall. One Sunday afternoon he and I had slipped out of the church service and were loitering outside, when a loud hymn struck up. He turned to me and said "Johnny - when you hear 'em singin' and prayin' real loud, like that? - go lock the henhouse."
Took me years to figure out what he meant.
He wasn't shiattin' around, tho.


I don't get it.  What did he mean by theat?
 
2013-03-01 10:35:06 PM  

gameshowhost: Meh. The internet never slipped me a twenty on the hush-hush.


or bourbon.
 
2013-03-01 10:55:52 PM  
I've heard the reason Grandparents and Grandchildren get along so well is because they share a common enemy.
 
2013-03-01 10:57:46 PM  

FizixJunkee: jso2897: I never met my maternal grandfather. My paternal grandfather was an East Texas dirt farmer, and was an extremely taciturn man. He only gave me one piece of advice that I can recall. One Sunday afternoon he and I had slipped out of the church service and were loitering outside, when a loud hymn struck up. He turned to me and said "Johnny - when you hear 'em singin' and prayin' real loud, like that? - go lock the henhouse."
Took me years to figure out what he meant.
He wasn't shiattin' around, tho.

I don't get it.  What did he mean by theat?


It's an allegory. "Henhouse" was the secret sex-slave dungeon where the grandpa has his teenage runaways locked up. The commotion from the church might have instigated the slaves to start screaming for help. Thus he was warning the grand-son to gag them an make sure the dungeon was locked.

Or it may have meant the church itself was the henhouse and the grandpa was suggesting locking it from the outside and then burning to death the parishioners inside.
 
2013-03-01 11:49:24 PM  
The only advice I ever got was:

1. Don't tug on Superman's cape
2. Don't spit into the wind
3. Don't pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger
4. Don't mess around with Jim

/spent my life fearing every Jim I met.
 
2013-03-02 12:05:39 AM  

phrawgh: The only advice I ever got was:

1. Don't tug on Superman's cape
2. Don't spit into the wind
3. Don't pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger
4. Don't mess around with Jim

/spent my life fearing every Jim I met.


Why?  At the end of the song, it was time to fear Slim.
 
2013-03-02 12:55:52 AM  

lack of warmth: kendelrio: lack of warmth: Well, my family has a tradition of not being there once you are old enough to be on your own.  After that, you better know how to search for the answer somehow.

We're some kind of geological oddity, my whole life I have never lived closer than two day drive from grandparents, whether it's mine or my kid's grandparents.  Weird, uh?

They probably did that on purpose.

I already came to that conclusion, but it's how it affects my kids that bother me.

You didn't expect that did you?  However, I am serious.


I was snarking. Sorry they're d-bags.
 
2013-03-02 01:26:39 AM  

MrHappyRotter: If I were free to ask my grandmother about big hairy gay bears bareback anal sex and she'd pull out a box full of porn mags filled to the brim with high-res full color photos and hours of free video, then absolutely, she would not have been replaced by Google.  But it is, what is its.  When I need advice on looking ugly and talking slow, then I'll go to granny.


Sounds like you just have the wrong granny. I can point you to a couple who'd fit the bill....
 
2013-03-02 01:59:06 AM  

lack of warmth: phrawgh: The only advice I ever got was:

1. Don't tug on Superman's cape
2. Don't spit into the wind
3. Don't pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger
4. Don't mess around with Jim

/spent my life fearing every Jim I met.

Why?  At the end of the song, it was time to fear Slim.


Grandpa died young.
 
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