If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CNN)   Dear Park Rangers, I am a Yosemite Junior Ranger. I went to Yosemite recently and accidentally brought home two sticks. I know I'm not supposed to take things from the park, so I am sending them back. Please put them in nature. Thank you, Evie   (cnn.com) divider line 20
    More: Sappy, Yosemite National Park, u.s. interior  
•       •       •

8433 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Mar 2013 at 11:07 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-03-01 10:39:14 AM
22 votes:
Dear Evie,

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights.  Your letter hangs on my cubicle and me and the gang like to take a moment each day to laugh at your bright-eyed naivete.

First of all, the very concept of "nature" is a social construct.  Your hollow gesture is the marketing equivalent of writing "all natural" on a Big Mac.  I think "greenwashing" is the term the hippies are using now, as if taking bong hits and coming up with clever labels makes them enlightened.

Soon enough you will learn that the whole world is a cluster fark of muddled meanings and half truths.

By the way, the fossil fuels used to transport your letter caused far more damage than your original gesture of accidentally taking two sticks from Yosemite.

Actually, after having examined the sticks in question, we have found that they are not in fact native to the Yosemite area and are covered with a wildlife-eating spore that was must have been introduced from your end.  By having removed them, you may have in fact prevented a kudzu-esque overtaking of our native species.  Alas, since you returned them the seeds and spores have been released.  I am afraid you have reopened Pandora's box and the plague-beast has been unleashed.  Thanks to your meddling, the world or "nature" as you so naively envisioned it, will soon cease to exist.

Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger!  I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me.  Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

Anyhew it's lunchtime aka Martini In The Firetower Hour.

Stay Foxy,

Ranger Dick
2013-03-01 11:23:20 AM
10 votes:
Sure, a little girl takes a couple of sticks and it's all "awww, so cute."  I take a couple of black bear cubs and it's all "OMG, FEDERAL OFFENSE."

The hypocrisy sickens me.
2013-03-01 10:29:34 AM
4 votes:
I like how the rangers were "moved" but then kept the sticks in their office for a year anyway.
2013-03-01 10:03:41 AM
4 votes:
If removing sticks from national parkland constitutes some sort of grave offense, my dog is one of the most wanted creatures in the nation.
2013-03-01 09:52:43 AM
3 votes:
...and by "sticks" she meant live Northern Pacific rattlesnakes.

/not really
//would make TFA a lot more exciting though
2013-03-01 11:16:01 AM
2 votes:

brap: Dear Evie,

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights.  Your letter hangs on my cubicle and me and the gang like to take a moment each day to laugh at your bright-eyed naivete.

First of all, the very concept of "nature" is a social construct.  Your hollow gesture is the marketing equivalent of writing "all natural" on a Big Mac.  I think "greenwashing" is the term the hippies are using now, as if taking bong hits and coming up with clever labels makes them enlightened.

Soon enough you will learn that the whole world is a cluster fark of muddled meanings and half truths.

By the way, the fossil fuels used to transport your letter caused far more damage than your original gesture of accidentally taking two sticks from Yosemite.

Actually, after having examined the sticks in question, we have found that they are not in fact native to the Yosemite area and are covered with a wildlife-eating spore that was must have been introduced from your end.  By having removed them, you may have in fact prevented a kudzu-esque overtaking of our native species.  Alas, since you returned them the seeds and spores have been released.  I am afraid you have reopened Pandora's box and the plague-beast has been unleashed.  Thanks to your meddling, the world or "nature" as you so naively envisioned it, will soon cease to exist.

Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger!  I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me.  Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

Anyhew it's lunchtime aka Martini In The Firetower Hour.

Stay Foxy,

Ranger Dick


Well, that happened.
2013-03-01 10:42:56 PM
1 votes:
csb time

as a child i was hugely into paleontology...hiking off the trail at a state came upon a bunch of fossils left from a glacier that flowed through the area. i recognized the type of fossils but wrote to the park looking for more info. i got a letter back stating there are no fossils to be located at this park thats impossible also its illegal to take things from a state park so please bring them back....even as a kid i said wtf


/still have em
2013-03-01 04:39:18 PM
1 votes:
20 Years Later....

Dear Rangers,

One fine summer day I was happily enjoying the beauties of the park when I suddenly met an attractive ranger. One glance and we both knew we were made for each other. I immediately undressed and dragged him into an area shaded by tall trees and fragrant grass. We lay down and made love. Out of excitement, Mr. Ranger seemed to have released his river of love into my lake of birth. I am now pregnant.

I didn't want my parents to find out so I had the little fetus aborted. It is now attached to this letter, well preserved. I hope you can hang it up on a wall and give me an award later. Feel free to put it in a museum or showcase so as to teach the visitors the importance of contraceptives while making love.

Evie
2013-03-01 02:20:53 PM
1 votes:

bikerbob59:
Not to belabor the point, but I will.  Is it Donald the Duck or Mickey the Mouse?  No!  Tis not!
/Sorry, my father was a US Forest Ranger.....
//carry on!



S'allright, my father was THE Village Idiot.

- at ease.
2013-03-01 01:23:55 PM
1 votes:

bikerbob59: FOR THE LAST TIME, IT IS NOT SMOKEY THE BEAR!  IT IS SMOKEY BEAR!!!
/GGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH


"Smokey Bear" sounds like an off-brand line of Appalachian Jerky Treats, I'll stick with THE Bear thankyouverymuch.
2013-03-01 01:23:31 PM
1 votes:
She's obviously a terrorist. What if the stick had rubbed together during transit? She could have burned up a post office or mail truck.
2013-03-01 12:10:53 PM
1 votes:

BigLuca: Sure, a little girl takes a couple of sticks and it's all "awww, so cute."  I take a couple of black bear cubs and it's all "OMG, FEDERAL OFFENSE."

The hypocrisy sickens me.


Try burying a body there. Talk about getting panties in a bunch!
2013-03-01 12:09:08 PM
1 votes:
If you stole something, just because you return it later doesn't mean you're absolved of the crime.
She should be prosecuted. How else will she ever have respect for the law?!?
2013-03-01 11:26:44 AM
1 votes:
Will the last person to leave Fark for Reddit to read these posts a day earlier please turn off the lights?
2013-03-01 11:25:55 AM
1 votes:
The ranger posted this on Reddit originally.  He mentioned that he'd take pictures of the sticks in different locations in the forest and send them to Evie to decide where they should ultimately end up.
2013-03-01 11:24:10 AM
1 votes:
I didn't *break* it, I was just testing its durability, and then I *placed* it in the woods because it's made of wood and I just thought he should be with his family.
2013-03-01 11:16:12 AM
1 votes:
Oh lighten up everyone. That's farking adorable
2013-03-01 11:12:50 AM
1 votes:
Heh, Sticks, Sap, I get it.

/OH NOW I get it!
2013-03-01 11:12:35 AM
1 votes:
I see a drone strike in Evie's future. The Yosemite Junior Rangers are obviously a domestic terror group.
2013-03-01 11:12:22 AM
1 votes:
The sticks will be returned back to their home, where they will promptly begin their process of decomposition due to the abuse given to them by Mother Nature.  Or some wild animal will kidnap them and use them for some unknown and possibly deviant purpose.  At least in her home, they would have been kept in an ecologically stable place where they will be sheltered from the elements.   She's sent them back to a dysfunctional family.
Good job, Evie.
 
Displayed 20 of 20 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report