FARK.com: (7619858) Dear Park Rangers, I am a Yosemite Junior Ranger. I went to Yosemite recently and accidentally brought home two sticks. I know I'm not supposed to take things from the park, so I am sending them back. Please put them in nature. Thank you, Evie

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		Dear Park Rangers, I am a Yosemite Junior Ranger. I went to Yosemite recently and accidentally brought home two sticks. I know I'm not supposed to take things from the park, so I am sending them back. Please put them in nature. Thank you, Evie (cnn.com)		66
		More: Sappy, Yosemite National Park, u.s. interior

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8399 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Mar 2013 at 11:07 AM | Favorite | share:

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namegoeshere		2013-03-01 09:52:43 AM

...and by "sticks" she meant live Northern Pacific rattlesnakes.

/not really
//would make TFA a lot more exciting though

Pocket Ninja		2013-03-01 10:03:41 AM

If removing sticks from national parkland constitutes some sort of grave offense, my dog is one of the most wanted creatures in the nation.

Lumpmoose		2013-03-01 10:29:34 AM

I like how the rangers were "moved" but then kept the sticks in their office for a year anyway.

brap		2013-03-01 10:39:14 AM

Dear Evie,

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights. Your letter hangs on my cubicle and me and the gang like to take a moment each day to laugh at your bright-eyed naivete.

First of all, the very concept of "nature" is a social construct. Your hollow gesture is the marketing equivalent of writing "all natural" on a Big Mac. I think "greenwashing" is the term the hippies are using now, as if taking bong hits and coming up with clever labels makes them enlightened.

Soon enough you will learn that the whole world is a cluster fark of muddled meanings and half truths.

By the way, the fossil fuels used to transport your letter caused far more damage than your original gesture of accidentally taking two sticks from Yosemite.

Actually, after having examined the sticks in question, we have found that they are not in fact native to the Yosemite area and are covered with a wildlife-eating spore that was must have been introduced from your end. By having removed them, you may have in fact prevented a kudzu-esque overtaking of our native species. Alas, since you returned them the seeds and spores have been released. I am afraid you have reopened Pandora's box and the plague-beast has been unleashed. Thanks to your meddling, the world or "nature" as you so naively envisioned it, will soon cease to exist.

Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger! I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me. Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

Anyhew it's lunchtime aka Martini In The Firetower Hour.

Stay Foxy,

Ranger Dick

eyeq360		2013-03-01 11:12:22 AM

The sticks will be returned back to their home, where they will promptly begin their process of decomposition due to the abuse given to them by Mother Nature. Or some wild animal will kidnap them and use them for some unknown and possibly deviant purpose. At least in her home, they would have been kept in an ecologically stable place where they will be sheltered from the elements. She's sent them back to a dysfunctional family.
Good job, Evie.

oryx		2013-03-01 11:12:35 AM

I see a drone strike in Evie's future. The Yosemite Junior Rangers are obviously a domestic terror group.

Rhames		2013-03-01 11:12:50 AM

Heh, Sticks, Sap, I get it.

/OH NOW I get it!

Freakjob_0		2013-03-01 11:13:17 AM

Reminds me of crappy children's artwork

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule2

GoldSpider		2013-03-01 11:16:01 AM

brap: Dear Evie,

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights. Your letter hangs on my cubicle and me and the gang like to take a moment each day to laugh at your bright-eyed naivete.

First of all, the very concept of "nature" is a social construct. Your hollow gesture is the marketing equivalent of writing "all natural" on a Big Mac. I think "greenwashing" is the term the hippies are using now, as if taking bong hits and coming up with clever labels makes them enlightened.

Soon enough you will learn that the whole world is a cluster fark of muddled meanings and half truths.

By the way, the fossil fuels used to transport your letter caused far more damage than your original gesture of accidentally taking two sticks from Yosemite.

Actually, after having examined the sticks in question, we have found that they are not in fact native to the Yosemite area and are covered with a wildlife-eating spore that was must have been introduced from your end. By having removed them, you may have in fact prevented a kudzu-esque overtaking of our native species. Alas, since you returned them the seeds and spores have been released. I am afraid you have reopened Pandora's box and the plague-beast has been unleashed. Thanks to your meddling, the world or "nature" as you so naively envisioned it, will soon cease to exist.

Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger! I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me. Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

Anyhew it's lunchtime aka Martini In The Firetower Hour.

Stay Foxy,

Ranger Dick

Well, that happened.

big pig peaches		2013-03-01 11:16:12 AM

Oh lighten up everyone. That's farking adorable

BigLuca		2013-03-01 11:23:20 AM

Sure, a little girl takes a couple of sticks and it's all "awww, so cute." I take a couple of black bear cubs and it's all "OMG, FEDERAL OFFENSE."

The hypocrisy sickens me.

Farce-Side		2013-03-01 11:24:10 AM

I didn't *break* it, I was just testing its durability, and then I *placed* it in the woods because it's made of wood and I just thought he should be with his family.

Ratchet_of_knoxville		2013-03-01 11:25:51 AM

10 years from now this type of thing will get her and her whole family thrown in jail.

Benq		2013-03-01 11:25:55 AM

The ranger posted this on Reddit originally. He mentioned that he'd take pictures of the sticks in different locations in the forest and send them to Evie to decide where they should ultimately end up.

dukwbutter		2013-03-01 11:26:44 AM

Will the last person to leave Fark for Reddit to read these posts a day earlier please turn off the lights?

WTFDYW		2013-03-01 11:27:37 AM

Skirl Hutsenreiter		2013-03-01 11:28:08 AM

Pocket Ninja: If removing sticks from national parkland constitutes some sort of grave offense, my dog is one of the most wanted creatures in the nation.

The rule I was always taught in scouts was that you can take rocks and such from National Forests, but never from National Parks or Monuments because they get too many visitors for everyone to be taking part of the park home.

Luckily, most of the latter don't let you even leave the parking lots with your dog.

Oldiron_79		2013-03-01 11:29:43 AM

Pocket Ninja: If removing sticks from national parkland constitutes some sort of grave offense, my dog is one of the most wanted creatures in the nation.

Well picking up a feather of a protected raptor is a farking FELONY offense

sure haven't		2013-03-01 11:29:57 AM

Since I have no faith in the USA, I'll assume she was arrested.

rufus-t-firefly		2013-03-01 11:31:42 AM

big pig peaches: Oh lighten up everyone. That's farking adorable

THIS.

I'm a cynical prick, but come on.

rufus-t-firefly		2013-03-01 11:33:24 AM

dukwbutter: Will the last person to leave Fark for Reddit to read these posts a day earlier please turn off the lights?

At least here you don't get people asking for pics of the girl.

Dee Snarl		2013-03-01 11:37:54 AM

It's too late, the damage has been done, and now Deutscher is president. Thanks little girl...

offacue		2013-03-01 11:38:38 AM

Almet		2013-03-01 11:39:17 AM

rufus-t-firefly: dukwbutter: Will the last person to leave Fark for Reddit to read these posts a day earlier please turn off the lights?

At least here you don't get people asking for pics of the girl.

Which is why I avoid reddit's comments section...unless it's an AMA or ask.

mikaloyd		2013-03-01 11:41:55 AM

abhorrent1		2013-03-01 11:53:33 AM

This was clearly a gateway crime. Next thing you know she'll have giant pot fields growing in the park.

Louisiana_Sitar_Club		2013-03-01 11:57:44 AM

brap: Dear Evie,......

I enjoyed the whole thing but completely lost it at "Anyhew".

ZeroPly		2013-03-01 11:59:02 AM

Just steal one of the signs from Curry Village like the rest of us do... sheesh...

Mikey1969		2013-03-01 12:01:10 PM

This is cute, but not unheard of. People send rocks back to Petrified Forest all of the time, convinced that there is a curse attached, and apologizing profusely for removing them in the first place. This is two little sticks. Imagine getting a 250 pound hunk of petrified wood in the mail...

doubled99		2013-03-01 12:09:08 PM

If you stole something, just because you return it later doesn't mean you're absolved of the crime.
She should be prosecuted. How else will she ever have respect for the law?!?

Mentat		2013-03-01 12:10:38 PM

NightOwl2255		2013-03-01 12:10:53 PM

BigLuca: Sure, a little girl takes a couple of sticks and it's all "awww, so cute." I take a couple of black bear cubs and it's all "OMG, FEDERAL OFFENSE."

The hypocrisy sickens me.

Try burying a body there. Talk about getting panties in a bunch!

Oldiron_79		2013-03-01 12:15:44 PM

NightOwl2255: BigLuca: Sure, a little girl takes a couple of sticks and it's all "awww, so cute." I take a couple of black bear cubs and it's all "OMG, FEDERAL OFFENSE."

The hypocrisy sickens me.

Try burying a body there. Talk about getting panties in a bunch!

Challenge Accepted. I'm running out of room in my crawl space.

maxx2112		2013-03-01 12:24:26 PM

That's a Class A Felony, kiddo.

blogs.babble.com

/ please come along quietly.

NightOwl2255		2013-03-01 12:28:03 PM

Oldiron_79: Challenge Accepted. I'm running out of room in my crawl space.

I hear ya! I made the rookie mistake of buying a house without a crawl space so you can imagine my problem. Thank FSM for the Dead Hooker Storage Bin option on my big rig. Don't know what I would do without it.

Oldiron_79		2013-03-01 12:33:58 PM

NightOwl2255: Oldiron_79: Challenge Accepted. I'm running out of room in my crawl space.

I hear ya! I made the rookie mistake of buying a house without a crawl space so you can imagine my problem. Thank FSM for the Dead Hooker Storage Bin option on my big rig. Don't know what I would do without it.

Well you could always look into raising pigs

Slam1263		2013-03-01 12:56:05 PM

Ahh, the indoctrination of our youth has another success.

In just a few years, they will only have to open the gates, and the masses will, willessly enter the ghettos on their own.

A great day in the morning for moving Forward.

reillan		2013-03-01 01:00:28 PM

Maybe she was using the two sticks in an attempt to make music - the great communicator - in the nature.

Marcintosh		2013-03-01 01:06:45 PM

Evie standing third from left on top.
Shipping them back must've cost a ton.

bikerbob59		2013-03-01 01:12:01 PM

brap: Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger! I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me. Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

FOR THE LAST TIME, IT IS NOT SMOKEY THE BEAR! IT IS SMOKEY BEAR!!!
/GGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

over_and_done		2013-03-01 01:21:06 PM

Benq: The ranger posted this on Reddit originally. He mentioned that he'd take pictures of the sticks in different locations in the forest and send them to Evie to decide where they should ultimately end up.

Ha! Now that's funny.

sure haven't: Since I have no faith in the USA, I'll assume she was arrested.

Eh, fair enough.

JasonThomasX		2013-03-01 01:23:16 PM

"Also, when I was at Yellowstone last summer I got really drunk and pee'd into Ol' Faithful. Sorry about that."

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros		2013-03-01 01:23:31 PM

She's obviously a terrorist. What if the stick had rubbed together during transit? She could have burned up a post office or mail truck.

brap		2013-03-01 01:23:55 PM

bikerbob59: FOR THE LAST TIME, IT IS NOT SMOKEY THE BEAR! IT IS SMOKEY BEAR!!!
/GGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

"Smokey Bear" sounds like an off-brand line of Appalachian Jerky Treats, I'll stick with THE Bear thankyouverymuch.

ginko		2013-03-01 01:28:28 PM

While doing a tour on Mackinac Island (about 80% is a state park) the guide warned us to not pick up any thing including sticks, rocks and flowers. The morality story was about a kid who picked some wild flowers for his mommy and they were fined for each weed the little boy picked.

DNR rules: Do not "destroy, damage, or remove trees, shrubs, wildflowers, grasses, or other vegetation.
A person who violates a rule. or an order...is responsible for a state civil infraction and may be ordered to
pay a civil fine of not more than $500.00." Citation: http://www.michigan.gov/documents/dnr/IC4001_StateLandRulesFMFM_19350 6 _7.pdf

This is definately less than the guide told us. She made it sound like thousands of dollars at the end.

Good luck Jr Ranger if the rangers decide to be jerks and crack down.

stir22		2013-03-01 01:33:35 PM

brap: Your letter hangs on my cubicle

brap, please tell me you don't work in a cubicle. that wouldn't be right.

Lando Lincoln		2013-03-01 01:37:03 PM

dukwbutter: Will the last person to leave Fark for Reddit to read these posts a day earlier please turn off the lights?

Oh, you are so cool, being a reader of both Fark and Reddit. Do you drive a Lamborghini or a Ferrari?

NightOwl2255		2013-03-01 01:54:46 PM

Lando Lincoln: Oh, you are so cool, being a reader of both Fark and Reddit. Do you drive a Lamborghini or a Ferrari?

Funny, just read that thread on Reddit, yesterday.

you_idiot		2013-03-01 02:01:01 PM

Dear Evie, I accidentally stuck one of the sticks into my bum. Sorry. The End.

bikerbob59		2013-03-01 02:05:41 PM

brap: bikerbob59: FOR THE LAST TIME, IT IS NOT SMOKEY THE BEAR! IT IS SMOKEY BEAR!!!
/GGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

"Smokey Bear" sounds like an off-brand line of Appalachian Jerky Treats, I'll stick with THE Bear thankyouverymuch.

Not to belabor the point, but I will. Is it Donald the Duck or Mickey the Mouse? No! Tis not!
/Sorry, my father was a US Forest Ranger.....
//carry on!

Ranger Joe		2013-03-01 02:06:49 PM

bikerbob59: brap: Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger! I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me. Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

FOR THE LAST TIME, IT IS NOT SMOKEY THE BEAR! IT IS SMOKEY BEAR!!!
/GGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Smokey (the) Bear is National Forest Service, which is run by the Department of Agriculture. National Parks are Department of the Interior. You generally won't find Smokey in a National Park.

brimed03		2013-03-01 02:08:40 PM

dukwbutter: Will the last person to leave Fark for Reddit to read these posts a day earlier please turn off the lights?

Thank you.

/worse yet, the link is to a CNN article citing the Reddit post. Fark, the third name in recycled "news."

BarkingUnicorn		2013-03-01 02:15:11 PM

Benq: The ranger posted this on Reddit originally. He mentioned that he'd take pictures of the sticks in different locations in the forest and send them to Evie to decide where they should ultimately end up.

Oh, ffs, maybe sequestration will stop such nonsense!

brap		2013-03-01 02:20:53 PM

bikerbob59:
Not to belabor the point, but I will. Is it Donald the Duck or Mickey the Mouse? No! Tis not!
/Sorry, my father was a US Forest Ranger.....
//carry on!

S'allright, my father was THE Village Idiot.

- at ease.

KrispyKritter		2013-03-01 02:49:52 PM

sure haven't: Since I have no faith in the USA, I'll assume she was arrested.

damn right! and she's now on the no-fly list, her emails & cell phone transmissions are being monitored, and the house across the street from her parents (you know the one with the gaudy off-blue shutters that's been in foreclosure?) - well, worry no more. a team of agents just took up residence there as a 24 hr observation post courtesy of your tax dollars. they are putting together intelligence files on her, her parents, her siblings and her cat as I type.

USA: we don't take crap from cute little kids.

bratface		2013-03-01 02:52:47 PM

This is fake! That letter looks like it was written by at least 3 different people.
Maybe she has Did (Dissociative identity disorder)?

stu1-1		2013-03-01 02:59:51 PM

Sure.
I suppose you're also going to insist that it isn't "Bugs The Bunny" or "Mickey The Mouse" either...

/Winnie Pooh?
/Alexander Great ??
///Larry Cable Guy ???

cettin		2013-03-01 04:06:37 PM

bikerbob59: brap: bikerbob59: FOR THE LAST TIME, IT IS NOT SMOKEY THE BEAR! IT IS SMOKEY BEAR!!!
/GGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

"Smokey Bear" sounds like an off-brand line of Appalachian Jerky Treats, I'll stick with THE Bear thankyouverymuch.

Not to belabor the point, but I will. Is it Donald the Duck or Mickey the Mouse? No! Tis not!
/Sorry, my father was a US Forest Ranger.....
//carry on!

Actually Pete calls him Mickey the Mouse all the time.

/Damn kids

FNG		2013-03-01 04:28:00 PM

We were taught to leave nature better than we found it by picking up any trash we found.

Leave only footprints, take only pictures.

Good for the little girl, it was a very nice gesture.

GreenSun		2013-03-01 04:39:18 PM

20 Years Later....

Dear Rangers,

One fine summer day I was happily enjoying the beauties of the park when I suddenly met an attractive ranger. One glance and we both knew we were made for each other. I immediately undressed and dragged him into an area shaded by tall trees and fragrant grass. We lay down and made love. Out of excitement, Mr. Ranger seemed to have released his river of love into my lake of birth. I am now pregnant.

I didn't want my parents to find out so I had the little fetus aborted. It is now attached to this letter, well preserved. I hope you can hang it up on a wall and give me an award later. Feel free to put it in a museum or showcase so as to teach the visitors the importance of contraceptives while making love.

Evie

highendmighty		2013-03-01 05:38:22 PM

Awesome. I was a junior ranger. I'm gonna go update my linkedin right now!

Atypical Person Reading Fark		2013-03-01 05:43:04 PM

Pocket Ninja: If removing sticks from national parkland constitutes some sort of grave offense, my dog is one of the most wanted creatures in the nation.

Well, dogs are known for making bad decisions all the time - it's his fault, not yours.

destrip		2013-03-01 06:08:22 PM

ha. This reminds me of some of the wacky stories about the volcano goddess in Hawaii putting a curse on people who take stuff from the national park. Supposedly people have taken pieces of lava and other souvenirs, had bad stuff happen (coincidentally) and sent them back weeks or months after their vacations to avoid further calamities.

Of course, the park leverages this superstition to the fullest extent to discourage people from collecting.

Slam1263		2013-03-01 06:38:42 PM

destrip: ha. This reminds me of some of the wacky stories about the volcano goddess in Hawaii putting a curse on people who take stuff from the national park. Supposedly people have taken pieces of lava and other souvenirs, had bad stuff happen (coincidentally) and sent them back weeks or months after their vacations to avoid further calamities.

Of course, the park leverages this superstition to the fullest extent to discourage people from collecting.

Whenever I am in the high desert, I take scalps from whitey.

Is this wrong?

/what's the hell with all the toupes anyways.

Silentbob768768		2013-03-01 10:42:56 PM

csb time

as a child i was hugely into paleontology...hiking off the trail at a state came upon a bunch of fossils left from a glacier that flowed through the area. i recognized the type of fossils but wrote to the park looking for more info. i got a letter back stating there are no fossils to be located at this park thats impossible also its illegal to take things from a state park so please bring them back....even as a kid i said wtf

/still have em