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(CNN)   Dear Park Rangers, I am a Yosemite Junior Ranger. I went to Yosemite recently and accidentally brought home two sticks. I know I'm not supposed to take things from the park, so I am sending them back. Please put them in nature. Thank you, Evie   (cnn.com) divider line 66
    More: Sappy, Yosemite National Park, u.s. interior  
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8432 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Mar 2013 at 11:07 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-01 09:52:43 AM
...and by "sticks" she meant live Northern Pacific rattlesnakes.

/not really
//would make TFA a lot more exciting though
 
2013-03-01 10:03:41 AM
If removing sticks from national parkland constitutes some sort of grave offense, my dog is one of the most wanted creatures in the nation.
 
2013-03-01 10:29:34 AM
I like how the rangers were "moved" but then kept the sticks in their office for a year anyway.
 
2013-03-01 10:39:14 AM
Dear Evie,

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights.  Your letter hangs on my cubicle and me and the gang like to take a moment each day to laugh at your bright-eyed naivete.

First of all, the very concept of "nature" is a social construct.  Your hollow gesture is the marketing equivalent of writing "all natural" on a Big Mac.  I think "greenwashing" is the term the hippies are using now, as if taking bong hits and coming up with clever labels makes them enlightened.

Soon enough you will learn that the whole world is a cluster fark of muddled meanings and half truths.

By the way, the fossil fuels used to transport your letter caused far more damage than your original gesture of accidentally taking two sticks from Yosemite.

Actually, after having examined the sticks in question, we have found that they are not in fact native to the Yosemite area and are covered with a wildlife-eating spore that was must have been introduced from your end.  By having removed them, you may have in fact prevented a kudzu-esque overtaking of our native species.  Alas, since you returned them the seeds and spores have been released.  I am afraid you have reopened Pandora's box and the plague-beast has been unleashed.  Thanks to your meddling, the world or "nature" as you so naively envisioned it, will soon cease to exist.

Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger!  I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me.  Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

Anyhew it's lunchtime aka Martini In The Firetower Hour.

Stay Foxy,

Ranger Dick
 
2013-03-01 11:12:22 AM
The sticks will be returned back to their home, where they will promptly begin their process of decomposition due to the abuse given to them by Mother Nature.  Or some wild animal will kidnap them and use them for some unknown and possibly deviant purpose.  At least in her home, they would have been kept in an ecologically stable place where they will be sheltered from the elements.   She's sent them back to a dysfunctional family.
Good job, Evie.
 
2013-03-01 11:12:35 AM
I see a drone strike in Evie's future. The Yosemite Junior Rangers are obviously a domestic terror group.
 
2013-03-01 11:12:50 AM
Heh, Sticks, Sap, I get it.

/OH NOW I get it!
 
2013-03-01 11:13:17 AM
Reminds me of crappy children's artwork

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule2
 
2013-03-01 11:16:01 AM

brap: Dear Evie,

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights.  Your letter hangs on my cubicle and me and the gang like to take a moment each day to laugh at your bright-eyed naivete.

First of all, the very concept of "nature" is a social construct.  Your hollow gesture is the marketing equivalent of writing "all natural" on a Big Mac.  I think "greenwashing" is the term the hippies are using now, as if taking bong hits and coming up with clever labels makes them enlightened.

Soon enough you will learn that the whole world is a cluster fark of muddled meanings and half truths.

By the way, the fossil fuels used to transport your letter caused far more damage than your original gesture of accidentally taking two sticks from Yosemite.

Actually, after having examined the sticks in question, we have found that they are not in fact native to the Yosemite area and are covered with a wildlife-eating spore that was must have been introduced from your end.  By having removed them, you may have in fact prevented a kudzu-esque overtaking of our native species.  Alas, since you returned them the seeds and spores have been released.  I am afraid you have reopened Pandora's box and the plague-beast has been unleashed.  Thanks to your meddling, the world or "nature" as you so naively envisioned it, will soon cease to exist.

Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger!  I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me.  Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

Anyhew it's lunchtime aka Martini In The Firetower Hour.

Stay Foxy,

Ranger Dick


Well, that happened.
 
2013-03-01 11:16:12 AM
Oh lighten up everyone. That's farking adorable
 
2013-03-01 11:23:20 AM
Sure, a little girl takes a couple of sticks and it's all "awww, so cute."  I take a couple of black bear cubs and it's all "OMG, FEDERAL OFFENSE."

The hypocrisy sickens me.
 
2013-03-01 11:24:10 AM
I didn't *break* it, I was just testing its durability, and then I *placed* it in the woods because it's made of wood and I just thought he should be with his family.
 
2013-03-01 11:25:51 AM
10 years from now this type of thing will get her and her whole family thrown in jail.
 
2013-03-01 11:25:55 AM
The ranger posted this on Reddit originally.  He mentioned that he'd take pictures of the sticks in different locations in the forest and send them to Evie to decide where they should ultimately end up.
 
2013-03-01 11:26:44 AM
Will the last person to leave Fark for Reddit to read these posts a day earlier please turn off the lights?
 
2013-03-01 11:27:37 AM

brap: Dear Evie,

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights.  Your letter hangs on my cubicle and me and the gang like to take a moment each day to laugh at your bright-eyed naivete.

First of all, the very concept of "nature" is a social construct.  Your hollow gesture is the marketing equivalent of writing "all natural" on a Big Mac.  I think "greenwashing" is the term the hippies are using now, as if taking bong hits and coming up with clever labels makes them enlightened.

Soon enough you will learn that the whole world is a cluster fark of muddled meanings and half truths.

By the way, the fossil fuels used to transport your letter caused far more damage than your original gesture of accidentally taking two sticks from Yosemite.

Actually, after having examined the sticks in question, we have found that they are not in fact native to the Yosemite area and are covered with a wildlife-eating spore that was must have been introduced from your end.  By having removed them, you may have in fact prevented a kudzu-esque overtaking of our native species.  Alas, since you returned them the seeds and spores have been released.  I am afraid you have reopened Pandora's box and the plague-beast has been unleashed.  Thanks to your meddling, the world or "nature" as you so naively envisioned it, will soon cease to exist.

Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger!  I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me.  Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

Anyhew it's lunchtime aka Martini In The Firetower Hour.

Stay Foxy,

Ranger Dick


*slow clap*

Nicely done, Brap
 
2013-03-01 11:28:08 AM

Pocket Ninja: If removing sticks from national parkland constitutes some sort of grave offense, my dog is one of the most wanted creatures in the nation.


The rule I was always taught in scouts was that you can take rocks and such from National Forests, but never from National Parks or Monuments because they get too many visitors for everyone to be taking part of the park home.

Luckily, most of the latter don't let you even leave the parking lots with your dog.
 
2013-03-01 11:29:43 AM
Pocket Ninja: If removing sticks from national parkland constitutes some sort of grave offense, my dog is one of the most wanted creatures in the nation.

Well picking up a feather of a protected raptor is a farking FELONY offense
 
2013-03-01 11:29:57 AM
Since I have no faith in the USA, I'll assume she was arrested.
 
2013-03-01 11:31:42 AM

big pig peaches: Oh lighten up everyone. That's farking adorable


THIS.

I'm a cynical prick, but come on.
 
2013-03-01 11:33:24 AM

dukwbutter: Will the last person to leave Fark for Reddit to read these posts a day earlier please turn off the lights?


At least here you don't get people asking for pics of the girl.
 
2013-03-01 11:37:54 AM
It's too late, the damage has been done, and now Deutscher is president.  Thanks little girl...
 
2013-03-01 11:38:38 AM
cdn2-b.examiner.com
 
2013-03-01 11:39:17 AM

rufus-t-firefly: dukwbutter: Will the last person to leave Fark for Reddit to read these posts a day earlier please turn off the lights?

At least here you don't get people asking for pics of the girl.


Which is why I avoid reddit's comments section...unless it's an AMA or ask.
 
2013-03-01 11:41:55 AM

brap: Dear Evie,

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights.  Your letter hangs on my cubicle and me and the gang like to take a moment each day to laugh at your bright-eyed naivete.

First of all, the very concept of "nature" is a social construct.  Your hollow gesture is the marketing equivalent of writing "all natural" on a Big Mac.  I think "greenwashing" is the term the hippies are using now, as if taking bong hits and coming up with clever labels makes them enlightened.

Soon enough you will learn that the whole world is a cluster fark of muddled meanings and half truths.

By the way, the fossil fuels used to transport your letter caused far more damage than your original gesture of accidentally taking two sticks from Yosemite.

Actually, after having examined the sticks in question, we have found that they are not in fact native to the Yosemite area and are covered with a wildlife-eating spore that was must have been introduced from your end.  By having removed them, you may have in fact prevented a kudzu-esque overtaking of our native species.  Alas, since you returned them the seeds and spores have been released.  I am afraid you have reopened Pandora's box and the plague-beast has been unleashed.  Thanks to your meddling, the world or "nature" as you so naively envisioned it, will soon cease to exist.

Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger!  I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me.  Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

Anyhew it's lunchtime aka Martini In The Firetower Hour.

Stay Foxy,

Ranger Dick


I knew you could ruin it brap, well donE!
 
2013-03-01 11:53:33 AM
This was clearly a gateway crime. Next thing you know she'll have giant pot fields growing in the park.
 
2013-03-01 11:57:44 AM

brap: Dear Evie,

......

I enjoyed the whole thing but completely lost it at "Anyhew".
 
2013-03-01 11:59:02 AM
Just steal one of the signs from Curry Village like the rest of us do... sheesh...
 
2013-03-01 12:01:10 PM
This is cute, but not unheard of. People send rocks back to Petrified Forest all of the time, convinced that there is a curse attached, and apologizing profusely for removing them in the first place. This is two little sticks. Imagine getting a 250 pound hunk of petrified wood in the mail...
 
2013-03-01 12:09:08 PM
If you stole something, just because you return it later doesn't mean you're absolved of the crime.
She should be prosecuted. How else will she ever have respect for the law?!?
 
2013-03-01 12:10:38 PM

brap: Dear Evie,

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights.  Your letter hangs on my cubicle and me and the gang like to take a moment each day to laugh at your bright-eyed naivete.

First of all, the very concept of "nature" is a social construct.  Your hollow gesture is the marketing equivalent of writing "all natural" on a Big Mac.  I think "greenwashing" is the term the hippies are using now, as if taking bong hits and coming up with clever labels makes them enlightened.

Soon enough you will learn that the whole world is a cluster fark of muddled meanings and half truths.

By the way, the fossil fuels used to transport your letter caused far more damage than your original gesture of accidentally taking two sticks from Yosemite.

Actually, after having examined the sticks in question, we have found that they are not in fact native to the Yosemite area and are covered with a wildlife-eating spore that was must have been introduced from your end.  By having removed them, you may have in fact prevented a kudzu-esque overtaking of our native species.  Alas, since you returned them the seeds and spores have been released.  I am afraid you have reopened Pandora's box and the plague-beast has been unleashed.  Thanks to your meddling, the world or "nature" as you so naively envisioned it, will soon cease to exist.

Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger!  I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me.  Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

Anyhew it's lunchtime aka Martini In The Firetower Hour.

Stay Foxy,

Ranger Dick


i1282.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-01 12:10:53 PM

BigLuca: Sure, a little girl takes a couple of sticks and it's all "awww, so cute."  I take a couple of black bear cubs and it's all "OMG, FEDERAL OFFENSE."

The hypocrisy sickens me.


Try burying a body there. Talk about getting panties in a bunch!
 
2013-03-01 12:15:44 PM
NightOwl2255: BigLuca: Sure, a little girl takes a couple of sticks and it's all "awww, so cute."  I take a couple of black bear cubs and it's all "OMG, FEDERAL OFFENSE."

The hypocrisy sickens me.

Try burying a body there. Talk about getting panties in a bunch!


Challenge Accepted. I'm running out of room in my crawl space.
 
2013-03-01 12:24:26 PM
That's a Class A Felony, kiddo.

blogs.babble.com


/ please come along quietly.
 
2013-03-01 12:28:03 PM

Oldiron_79: Challenge Accepted. I'm running out of room in my crawl space.


I hear ya! I made the rookie mistake of buying a house without a crawl space so you can imagine my problem. Thank FSM for the Dead Hooker Storage Bin option on my big rig. Don't know what I would do without it.
 
2013-03-01 12:33:58 PM
NightOwl2255: Oldiron_79: Challenge Accepted. I'm running out of room in my crawl space.

I hear ya! I made the rookie mistake of buying a house without a crawl space so you can imagine my problem. Thank FSM for the Dead Hooker Storage Bin option on my big rig. Don't know what I would do without it.


Well you could always look into raising pigs
 
2013-03-01 12:56:05 PM
Ahh, the indoctrination of our youth has another success.

In just a few years, they will only have to open the gates, and the masses will, willessly enter the ghettos on their own.

A great day in the morning for moving Forward.
 
2013-03-01 01:00:28 PM
Maybe she was using the two sticks in an attempt to make music - the great communicator - in the nature.
 
2013-03-01 01:06:45 PM
www.yosemite.ca.us
Evie standing third from left on top.
Shipping them back must've cost a ton.
 
2013-03-01 01:12:01 PM

brap: Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger!  I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me.  Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.


FOR THE LAST TIME, IT IS NOT SMOKEY THE BEAR!  IT IS SMOKEY BEAR!!!
/GGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
 
2013-03-01 01:21:06 PM

Benq: The ranger posted this on Reddit originally.  He mentioned that he'd take pictures of the sticks in different locations in the forest and send them to Evie to decide where they should ultimately end up.


Ha!  Now that's funny.


sure haven't: Since I have no faith in the USA, I'll assume she was arrested.


Eh, fair enough.
 
2013-03-01 01:23:16 PM
"Also, when I was at Yellowstone last summer I got really drunk and pee'd into Ol' Faithful. Sorry about that."
 
2013-03-01 01:23:31 PM
She's obviously a terrorist. What if the stick had rubbed together during transit? She could have burned up a post office or mail truck.
 
2013-03-01 01:23:55 PM

bikerbob59: FOR THE LAST TIME, IT IS NOT SMOKEY THE BEAR!  IT IS SMOKEY BEAR!!!
/GGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH


"Smokey Bear" sounds like an off-brand line of Appalachian Jerky Treats, I'll stick with THE Bear thankyouverymuch.
 
2013-03-01 01:28:28 PM
While doing a tour on Mackinac Island (about 80% is a state park) the guide warned us to not pick up any thing including sticks, rocks and flowers. The morality story was about a kid who picked some wild flowers for his mommy and they were fined for each weed the little boy picked.

DNR rules: Do not "destroy, damage, or remove trees, shrubs, wildflowers, grasses, or other vegetation.
A person who violates a rule. or an order...is responsible for a state civil infraction and may be ordered to
pay a civil fine of not more than $500.00." Citation: http://www.michigan.gov/documents/dnr/IC4001_StateLandRulesFMFM_19350 6 _7.pdf

This is definately less than the guide told us. She made it sound like thousands of dollars at the end.

Good luck Jr Ranger if the rangers decide to be jerks and crack down.
 
2013-03-01 01:33:35 PM

brap: Your letter hangs on my cubicle


brap, please tell me you don't work in a cubicle.  that wouldn't be right.
 
2013-03-01 01:37:03 PM

dukwbutter: Will the last person to leave Fark for Reddit to read these posts a day earlier please turn off the lights?


Oh, you are so cool, being a reader of both Fark and Reddit. Do you drive a Lamborghini or a Ferrari?
 
2013-03-01 01:54:46 PM

Lando Lincoln: Oh, you are so cool, being a reader of both Fark and Reddit. Do you drive a Lamborghini or a Ferrari?


Funny, just read that thread on Reddit, yesterday.
 
2013-03-01 02:01:01 PM
Dear Evie, I accidentally stuck one of the sticks into my bum. Sorry. The End.
 
2013-03-01 02:05:41 PM

brap: bikerbob59: FOR THE LAST TIME, IT IS NOT SMOKEY THE BEAR!  IT IS SMOKEY BEAR!!!
/GGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

"Smokey Bear" sounds like an off-brand line of Appalachian Jerky Treats, I'll stick with THE Bear thankyouverymuch.


Not to belabor the point, but I will.  Is it Donald the Duck or Mickey the Mouse?  No!  Tis not!
/Sorry, my father was a US Forest Ranger.....
//carry on!
 
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