If removing sticks from national parkland constitutes some sort of grave offense, my dog is one of the most wanted creatures in the nation.

I like how the rangers were "moved" but then kept the sticks in their office for a year anyway.

Dear Evie,

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights.  Your letter hangs on my cubicle and me and the gang like to take a moment each day to laugh at your bright-eyed naivete.

First of all, the very concept of "nature" is a social construct.  Your hollow gesture is the marketing equivalent of writing "all natural" on a Big Mac.  I think "greenwashing" is the term the hippies are using now, as if taking bong hits and coming up with clever labels makes them enlightened.

Soon enough you will learn that the whole world is a cluster fark of muddled meanings and half truths.

By the way, the fossil fuels used to transport your letter caused far more damage than your original gesture of accidentally taking two sticks from Yosemite.

Actually, after having examined the sticks in question, we have found that they are not in fact native to the Yosemite area and are covered with a wildlife-eating spore that was must have been introduced from your end.  By having removed them, you may have in fact prevented a kudzu-esque overtaking of our native species.  Alas, since you returned them the seeds and spores have been released.  I am afraid you have reopened Pandora's box and the plague-beast has been unleashed.  Thanks to your meddling, the world or "nature" as you so naively envisioned it, will soon cease to exist.

Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger!  I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me.  Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

Anyhew it's lunchtime aka Martini In The Firetower Hour.

Stay Foxy,

Ranger Dick

I didn't *break* it, I was just testing its durability, and then I *placed* it in the woods because it's made of wood and I just thought he should be with his family.

brap: Dear Evie,

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights.  Your letter hangs on my cubicle and me and the gang like to take a moment each day to laugh at your bright-eyed naivete.

First of all, the very concept of "nature" is a social construct.  Your hollow gesture is the marketing equivalent of writing "all natural" on a Big Mac.  I think "greenwashing" is the term the hippies are using now, as if taking bong hits and coming up with clever labels makes them enlightened.

Soon enough you will learn that the whole world is a cluster fark of muddled meanings and half truths.

By the way, the fossil fuels used to transport your letter caused far more damage than your original gesture of accidentally taking two sticks from Yosemite.

Actually, after having examined the sticks in question, we have found that they are not in fact native to the Yosemite area and are covered with a wildlife-eating spore that was must have been introduced from your end.  By having removed them, you may have in fact prevented a kudzu-esque overtaking of our native species.  Alas, since you returned them the seeds and spores have been released.  I am afraid you have reopened Pandora's box and the plague-beast has been unleashed.  Thanks to your meddling, the world or "nature" as you so naively envisioned it, will soon cease to exist.

Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger!  I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me.  Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

Anyhew it's lunchtime aka Martini In The Firetower Hour.

Stay Foxy,

Ranger Dick

*slow clap*

Nicely done, Brap

brap: Dear Evie,

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights.  Your letter hangs on my cubicle and me and the gang like to take a moment each day to laugh at your bright-eyed naivete.

First of all, the very concept of "nature" is a social construct.  Your hollow gesture is the marketing equivalent of writing "all natural" on a Big Mac.  I think "greenwashing" is the term the hippies are using now, as if taking bong hits and coming up with clever labels makes them enlightened.

Soon enough you will learn that the whole world is a cluster fark of muddled meanings and half truths.

By the way, the fossil fuels used to transport your letter caused far more damage than your original gesture of accidentally taking two sticks from Yosemite.

Actually, after having examined the sticks in question, we have found that they are not in fact native to the Yosemite area and are covered with a wildlife-eating spore that was must have been introduced from your end.  By having removed them, you may have in fact prevented a kudzu-esque overtaking of our native species.  Alas, since you returned them the seeds and spores have been released.  I am afraid you have reopened Pandora's box and the plague-beast has been unleashed.  Thanks to your meddling, the world or "nature" as you so naively envisioned it, will soon cease to exist.

Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger!  I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me.  Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

Anyhew it's lunchtime aka Martini In The Firetower Hour.

Stay Foxy,

Ranger Dick

I knew you could ruin it brap, well donE!

brap: Dear Evie,

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights.  Your letter hangs on my cubicle and me and the gang like to take a moment each day to laugh at your bright-eyed naivete.

First of all, the very concept of "nature" is a social construct.  Your hollow gesture is the marketing equivalent of writing "all natural" on a Big Mac.  I think "greenwashing" is the term the hippies are using now, as if taking bong hits and coming up with clever labels makes them enlightened.

Soon enough you will learn that the whole world is a cluster fark of muddled meanings and half truths.

By the way, the fossil fuels used to transport your letter caused far more damage than your original gesture of accidentally taking two sticks from Yosemite.

Actually, after having examined the sticks in question, we have found that they are not in fact native to the Yosemite area and are covered with a wildlife-eating spore that was must have been introduced from your end.  By having removed them, you may have in fact prevented a kudzu-esque overtaking of our native species.  Alas, since you returned them the seeds and spores have been released.  I am afraid you have reopened Pandora's box and the plague-beast has been unleashed.  Thanks to your meddling, the world or "nature" as you so naively envisioned it, will soon cease to exist.

Anyway, thanks for being a Junior Ranger!  I have enclosed a new Smokey The Bear STOMP OUT FOREST FIRE BADGE, which being plastic sickens me.  Don't even get me started about the benefits of fire in revitalizing the ecosystem.

Anyhew it's lunchtime aka Martini In The Firetower Hour.

Stay Foxy,

Ranger Dick

BigLuca: Sure, a little girl takes a couple of sticks and it's all "awww, so cute."  I take a couple of black bear cubs and it's all "OMG, FEDERAL OFFENSE."

The hypocrisy sickens me.

Try burying a body there. Talk about getting panties in a bunch!

Oldiron_79: Challenge Accepted. I'm running out of room in my crawl space.

I hear ya! I made the rookie mistake of buying a house without a crawl space so you can imagine my problem. Thank FSM for the Dead Hooker Storage Bin option on my big rig. Don't know what I would do without it.

She's obviously a terrorist. What if the stick had rubbed together during transit? She could have burned up a post office or mail truck.

bikerbob59: FOR THE LAST TIME, IT IS NOT SMOKEY THE BEAR!  IT IS SMOKEY BEAR!!!
/GGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

"Smokey Bear" sounds like an off-brand line of Appalachian Jerky Treats, I'll stick with THE Bear thankyouverymuch.

brap: Your letter hangs on my cubicle

brap, please tell me you don't work in a cubicle.  that wouldn't be right.

dukwbutter: Will the last person to leave Fark for Reddit to read these posts a day earlier please turn off the lights?

Oh, you are so cool, being a reader of both Fark and Reddit. Do you drive a Lamborghini or a Ferrari?

Lando Lincoln: Oh, you are so cool, being a reader of both Fark and Reddit. Do you drive a Lamborghini or a Ferrari?

Funny, just read that thread on Reddit, yesterday.