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(Time)   A fascinating (and heartbreaking) look through a photographer's lens as she chronicles one couple's descent in domestic violence   (lightbox.time.com) divider line 245
    More: Sad, domestic violence, Ohio University  
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30766 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Feb 2013 at 10:06 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2013-02-28 10:19:16 PM
13 votes:

Smeggy Smurf: Thisbymaster: That was really hard to look at, so much so that I stopped and closed the window.  Then started again. Women where ever you are remember that these men are in jail for a reason do not go out with them.

This.  Bad boys are not the answer.  The man with a healthy dose of Fark-It-All and the patience to let the goblins get close before stomping their guts out is the man you want.  Anybody can be a punk.  Not everybody can be a man.  Pick the man.


Don't make the mistake of assuming that "bad boys" are the only ones who commit violence. I've prosecuted pastors, law students, medical doctors, rich, poor, in-between.... this is an issue that crosses every societal barrier you care to name.

I actually worry that this will emphasize domestic violence as being a poor people problem, because it isn't
2013-02-28 09:31:09 PM
11 votes:
Maggie and Shane's courtship was brief but intense. Shane called her everyday from prison, and upon his release, they began to date.

timethemoment.files.wordpress.com
One month into their courtship, Shane had Maggie's name tattooed on his neck in large black letters.



I'm not a big fan of blaming the victim, but come on now.  This was hardly an unexpected development.
2013-02-28 10:26:43 PM
10 votes:
The guy is a cock, but I can't help be feel sorry for him as well. He's just too flat out stupid to control his emotions. It's not like he set out to be a terrible human being. Alcohol, lack of an education, unresolved emotional issues and just plain stupidity are a bad mixture.
2013-02-28 09:25:38 PM
10 votes:
The thing that choked me up was the little girl trying to intervene and get in between the two.  No thought for herself, just trying to protect her mum.  Kids are capable of some pretty amazing stuff when they have to.
2013-02-28 10:52:57 PM
8 votes:

megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.


I think most of them focus on the "nice" thing because they have to work SO HARD to be a decent human towards women, who they clearly actually think are sub-humans or uninteresting or otherwise unworthy of friendship, that all they can think of is the sheer wasted effort that went into treating them like people, only to receive little or no sex in return.

Guys who treat women like actual people by reflex rather than design don't consider themselves to be particularly "nice guys."  Like you said, they're just guys.  Guys who don't actually hate women.

/bet the guy in the article considers himself a nice guy
//would tell you all about the biatches who left him for no reason for some other asshole
2013-02-28 10:33:16 PM
8 votes:

JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.


Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.


BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".


The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?
2013-03-01 06:30:33 AM
7 votes:
Let's cut the sh*t once and fer all on all of this "women only like jerks" and "nice guys never get a chance" crap.

Of course some women like jerks.  It's vanity.  They're not in that relationship to be with that guy.  They're in that relationship to prove to themselves that they can "tame" him, straighten him out and so she can tell her BFFs all about how "oh, he has a temper but I can wrap him around my finger if I want to".  Cause she's good enough.  She's got the goods.  She can ride that tiger and give as good as she gets!  Woo.  And that's nice.  So, hey nice guys?  You really want somebody like that that in your life?  Who sees  relationships in that way?  No.  You don't.

Now then, guess how many shallow meatheads want a Barbie doll or a shrew or both because "oh, hey, you know she's the boss! Yeah, she keeps me in line! Heh heh"  Nudge wink.  Guess how many of them are "nice guys".  A lot.  And both of these sort are cut from the same cloth.  And we can only hope they find each other.  But it's not the point.  Desirable man does not equal slab o' beef with a mean streak any more than desirable woman is one who has a hot ass and a stick up it or the word "welcome" embossed on her back.  So it seems that a lot of this boo hooing about "nice guys never getting the hot girl" and "there's just no good men" is a load of horesesh*t from people who ever never managed to or bothered to sit down next to somebody and actually shoot the sh*t with them long enough to find out if THEY LIKE WHO THAT PERSON IS.  Cause that's the point.

So if you want to waltz through your whole life wondering why that size 8 doesn't fit your size 10 foot or looking for somebody to read the other half of the movie script you etched in stone that shall be your love life, well, GREAT.  But shut the f*ck up about it when nobody is quite oppressive or disposable enough to read their lines to your liking.  Cause that ain't love, that's dress up.  And even if you hit paydirt, you'll get bored sh*less with not having anything to complain about. Love isn't just staring into each other's eyes longingly for hours on end.  It's wonderful, but it's just the frosting.  The cake is being able to sit out and look at the world together and see the same view.  There is an ass for every seat, but stop trying to sell yourself people who don't need to be with who they see you as.  It's pointless.  The day you are ready to find love is the day that you stop givin' a William or Nilliam f*ck as to what your friends, mommy, daddy or people at work will think of them because you're too busy getting ready for what promises to be a really wonderful adventure for two.  Let the trophy hunters play by their own idiot rules.  Yeah, even the victims, the lunkheads, the shallow cows and the nice guys.  Be better.  Try smiling more.  People are attracted to happy people. Seriously. The chip on your shoulder or the bug up your ass is barbed wire.
2013-02-28 10:57:38 PM
7 votes:
The look on her face as he towered over her reminded me so much of my ex before he punched my face so hard that he fractured my skull that I winced. I know that look, that posture, that rage. He is shorter than my ex, but that look of hatred, where you can see death in the eyes, was the same. I had to walk away from my computer and compose myself.

When you are living it, you see one side of it: the blind rage, the anger, the destruction. I stood up for myself, fighting back, desperately trying to pack a bag and leave. I was 5'7", he was 6'3" and twice my weight. I wanted to walk out, because I knew that the fight was escalating. He had already mangled my glasses, shattered a lamp, and struck my face... as it turns out the same place he would hit it again later... and I wanted to get the hell out before it got worse. But he cornered me. He jerked my keys out of my hand and shattered my phone. I was trapped.

You can see that look in her face, too. She wants out, but she is trapped, and she knows it. Her case is worse, because there are children in the house.

If I had my gun that night, I know that I would've shot him. Even now, I sometimes feel a pain under my left eye that reminds me of that horrible night, and what I was finally able to escape from. I had to leave everything I ever knew behind: he is getting the lion's share- the house, most of the stuff... most of my things are still in Ohio, to boot. I have no way to pay to get them out here right now, and I don't know when I will be able to.

But my dog and I got out. Stuff is just that... stuff. I managed to get away before I ended up in a ditch. I am glad to know that this woman did, too.

And yea, I am not surprised they were from Ohio.
2013-02-28 10:45:53 PM
7 votes:

BummerDuck: I obviously _could_ be wrong, but that gives me the conclusion that SHE had the power to get rid of him at any time. She chose not to, and so I only feel sorry for the kids for having an idiot for a mother, and potentially for the dad.


Quantum Apostrophe: Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.

/Your screen name wasn't just randomly selected, was it.


My father didn't drink,do drugs or have any tattoos yet he managed to beat my mom,sister and me for the first 14 years of my farking life. He threatened to beat my mom and me to death over child support. Take your nice guy bullshiat and cram it up your ass and farking die. You don't realize how bad shiat can get if you haven't lived through it.
2013-02-28 10:33:04 PM
7 votes:

KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.


She was 19 with a four year old and a two year old; I don't think she is exactly a paragon of good decision making.
2013-03-01 02:51:11 AM
6 votes:
I'm a nice guy. I still do okay with the ladies. Mostly because I'm pretty with casual scars and aloof by nature. But I actually am nice. I'm not so sure a lot of self-declared nice guys are actually nice, so much as they are timid, petty, and passive aggressive. Women generally don't like those traits.
2013-02-28 11:52:31 PM
6 votes:

Yogimus: I am the farking police.


You are a farking liar. No police officer would advocate 3rd parties insert themselves into assaults, that's a great way to increase a victim count and get arrested. I've been arrested for intervening when a young guy was beating and robbing an old guy in a parking lot (with witnesses and security footage to that affect) and I was arrested. Every mother farker, from the arresting officer, to the magistrate, to the DA and judge told me I should not have physically got involved. The case was Nolle Pros, but that didn't matter, because I still had to deal with the bullshiat of getting arrested and fingerprinted and posting bail, and going to court. You're bullshiat and dishonest advice is a great way to get arrested. Just stop with the farking internet tough guy bullshiat. You're a farking liar.
2013-02-28 11:09:58 PM
6 votes:

GoSurfing: the women I've liked that didn't give me the time of day were more talented/smarter/awesome/etc in every way, shape, form.


Sounds like the women made a really good choice then.  Did you ever consider trying to become more talented/educated/awesome so you could land women like that?  Or maybe settling for the kind of women who were actually as talented/smart/awesome as you are, rather than getting upset that people with more going on weren't lowering their standards for you?

If they really are more talented/smarter/awesome/etc in every way, shape, form then why would they possibly want to settle for someone less talented/dumber/less awesome than themselves - especially considering you wouldn't settle for the same?
2013-02-28 10:47:05 PM
6 votes:

StrangeQ: KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.

She was 19 with a four year old and a two year old; I don't think she is exactly a paragon of good decision making.


She's still a kid, and he got her when she was lonely and mad at the father of the two kids for going away to Afghanistan and leaving her to deal.  The prison guy paid attention to her (by phone), told her how much better he would treat her and she bought it.  She doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand how life really works.

Now she knows, and I'll bet she damn well appreciates the father of her kids.  I, in no way, blame her for the other guys violence, as violence is unacceptable in any relationship, and I'm sorry she had to learn the lesson the hard way.  Some women never do.  I hope like hell she remembers when times get rough again.

I taught my nieces that you have to KNOW you can take care of yourself on your own before you get yourself involved in a relationship - so if something happens you know you can take care of yourself and not be afraid to leave.  And of course to stay away from guys like this.

If she had a kid at 15, I'm pretty positive that parental attention was something she missed out on for a long time.
2013-02-28 10:32:25 PM
6 votes:

JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve. They reject the "nice" guy.


You sound nice.
2013-02-28 10:27:50 PM
6 votes:

JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

The dude is an obvious scumbag.  A few more years of anal rape in prison will give him food for thought.

I have zero empathy for either one of these people.


You are an idiot. This is admittedly a rather ... stereotypical version of domestic violence, but she was never at fault. He attempted to kill her by choking (and if you think i am full of it, take a look at hyper-conservative Texas' penal code - assault on a family member is a misdemeanor unless it is by choking - then it is a FELONY).

There is only one place blame belongs in this case, and that is on the guy in this relationship. (And it is not always the guy, I've gotten protective orders for guys against women)
2013-02-28 09:48:49 PM
6 votes:

jim32rr: whistleridge: Deslidified

Thanks for that, I can finally see them


There really should be a standard Fark protocol now, where the admins deslide a link if the submitter doesn't. Or barring that, the first TFer to comment automatically deslides.
2013-03-01 04:54:36 PM
5 votes:
To those who keep saying "she had it coming because she wanted a bad boy" this girl is 19. She had her first child at 15 which is still being a kid. Can all of you assholes who lambast her remember what you were like at 15 and can you suddenly imagine having to care for another human being? Yes she's made bad decisions, clearly, but I can't imagine not having a shred of empathy for someone else in this situation. If y'all are telling me that you've never made a bad decision before, or gotten hurt, or abused or been in a bad spot, then you are a farking liar.

And to the "nice guys" WHAT THE HELL?! Why did you even have to jump into this thread? Are you kidding me? That's like jumping into a pedophile thread and going "Hey at least I'm not that asshole, someone should give me an award for not raping kids". You don't beat women? Bully for you, you're not the worst person in the room. Stop comparing yourself to rapists, murderers and abusers and start I don't know...actually being a nice farking guy. Also a pro tip if you think a woman deserves to get abused because she fell for someone who took advantage of her and then beat her, you're not a nice person or a nice guy.
2013-03-01 02:30:39 AM
5 votes:

JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.


You sound bitter that you can't get a woman.
2013-03-01 12:04:30 AM
5 votes:
Every single one of you even partially blaming the victim: fark you. All of you. You're part of the problem.
2013-03-01 12:04:28 AM
5 votes:

Quantum Apostrophe: The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.


Protip: the problem with creepy "nice" guys isn't that they're nice, and it isn't that they're socially awkward.

But part of the problem is that they THINK the only reason women don't want to date them is that they're "socially awkward" and "too nice" and women are too shallow and stupid to look past that.

Maaaaaaybe the fact that you think that women shallow and stupid has something to do with it.
2013-02-28 11:37:07 PM
5 votes:

JerkStore: I'm definitely not OK with this. I don't care what you call yourself, photojournalist, when a woman is being beaten in front of you, YOU FARKING DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE HER. You don't keep snapping pictures hoping to document...whatever it was you were trying to document. It's not a secret that women are beaten, yet you let it happen right in front of your eyes, never mind the children who will be royally farked up from these experiences.

Fail on so many levels. But at least you got some great shots and some buzz about your "important" work.

Fark you.


There's a reason why domestic violence calls scare cops more than anything, at least anything that doesn't involve an active shooter. They're a very dangerous situation for someone who tries to intervene. Emotions are extremely volatile, all parties concerned are very unstable, and in a split second, they can stop trying to kill each other and join forces against an outsider -- the person trying to intervene -- who now has two enraged people angry at them. Cops are trained to deal with this and it still scares them. A college student who finds herself in a totally unexpected situation which she has no background or training in how to cope with is not in a good place.

Let's say she grabbed Shane there and told him to stop choking Maggie. Shane is clearly in a blind rage and what little self-control he ever had is gone. So is he going to say "Oh, my bad. I'll stop now"? Or is he going to slug the photographer in the face and go back to choking Maggie? How exactly will she be helping the situation while unconscious on the floor?

As it is, she probably did more good for Maggie than any attempted intervention could have. The cops were already on their way. (note that the guy who called them ALSO didn't think personally wading into this morass of violence was a good idea). She documented the incident so thoroughly that Shane would have no hope of wiggling out of it in court. Her pictures probably have a fair bit to do with why Shane is back in jail and not in a position to do this to anyone else.

It's not a situation where there are any easy answers. Maybe not even any right answers. Calm Shane down so he can do this again after she leaves? Get punched in the face, something few women will volunteer to do? Record what's happening? She was there; I was not. I'm not about to second-guess her.
2013-02-28 11:29:11 PM
5 votes:
Yogimus:
I am the farking police. The concern for me, police wise, is that a report is easier to writhe when there is one victim and one witness, as opposed to two victims. Think about it, and ignore the appeal to authority: Why the hell would you watch a man beat a woman, when you could ACT?

Because as the article and numerous people have pointed out:  Intervening can make the attacker angrier ("How dare this biatch get in my farking way!") or actually get the victim to turn and get angry themselves ("Who the fark is this person to put themselves in MY family's business?!").  On top of that, unless you're capable of putting the S.O.B. down, picking a fight with him will just get you beaten up as well, and may get the initial victim beaten WORSE.

Appeal to Authority isn't a logical fallacy when the person legitimately knows what they're talking about.
2013-02-28 11:29:08 PM
5 votes:

Yogimus: I am the farking police.


That's the most depressing part of this entire thread.
2013-02-28 11:01:06 PM
5 votes:

GoSurfing: The "nice guys" come from the point of inferiority, not superiority to the women. Pretty damn simple.


Ask them some time not whether the women are "unobtainable" or "out of their league," but whether the women are smarter than them, or more capable than them, or whatnot. You'll find pretty quickly that they think they're superior in every aspect but looks, and also that they think that looks are all a woman is good for.
2013-02-28 11:00:26 PM
5 votes:

GoSurfing: The "nice guys" have to work so hard because the women they want are <i>super</i> human, i.e. unobtainable and out of their reach. The "nice guys" come from the point of inferiority, not superiority to the women. Pretty damn simple.


See, I think you're mistaking putting a woman on a pedestal with still assuming she's a person and not just a shiny goal to reach at the end of a journey.

When you actually like women as people and interact with them as such, it becomes extremely clear that they're all different and everyone has flaws.  When you treat them like a gilded barbie doll, you're treating them as a prize, no matter how valuable, and that does diminish the actual humanity of a person.

Whether they think they're superior to the prize is irrelevant, if all a woman ever can be to them is a prize.
2013-02-28 10:52:52 PM
5 votes:
Face and neck tattoos are nature's warning signs.  Ignore them at your peril.
2013-02-28 10:48:39 PM
5 votes:

Quantum Apostrophe: Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.


No, they're jerks that use physical manipulation to try and get what they want, because they think that they deserve it.

As opposed to jerks that use emotional manipulation to try and get what they want, because they think that they deserve it.
2013-02-28 09:02:44 PM
5 votes:
I love how ignorant people were giving the photographer a bunch of shiat for not "intervening" in the assault.  Maybe she didn't want to get choked out too? She's a f*cking photographer, not a UFC fighter.
2013-03-01 10:56:02 AM
4 votes:
Ok.... Kept telling myself I wouldn't post this but here goes. abbreviated CSB: Dad respected in the community, mom stayed married to him 20+ years, beatings, guns pulled, verbal and mental abuse... Mom finally divorces him in '78 (me 10, older brother 14, younger sister 7) Moves us 1600 miles away in '79 because she realized that it would just continue even with the divorce. Fast forward WAY to many years.... Married to a wonderful woman (that puts up with my crap) and we have three amazing kids that I am awed by every single day. Every time I feel that I am about to Lose my temper I stop and remember the terror when I saw my father on top of my mom choking her and my older brother (11years old) with a shotgun pointed at my fathers head....... Well the cycle of abuse CAN be broken. And all it takes is self awareness, the will to do better and realizing that the only people that truly have your back in this world are dearly loved friends and family. The question I always had was: why would you abuse the only people in this world that would accept you for who you are, no matter what?!?!
2013-03-01 02:40:57 AM
4 votes:

zabadu: If she had a kid at 15, I'm pretty positive that parental attention was something she missed out on for a long time.


TFA says her mother died of a drug overdose when she was 8. She was farked from the start and statistically should have ended up dead in the gutter after a short life as an abused stripper/hooker; I'm honestly just feeling positive about humanity over the fact that she had a relatively decent life and the fortitude to throw him out after the first beating.

Someone made mistakes, and didn't repeat them, gets castigated by bystanders who've all made their own. Well, we'll have to see how military baby-daddy turns out, but he beats prison trash.
2013-02-28 11:38:54 PM
4 votes:

BSABSVR: There's plenty of educated, employed white collar guys in very nice houses who beat their wives, kids and girlfriends too.  They just wait until everyone leaves, or make sure that the abuse is verbal, or psychological, or in areas that don;t leave marks.  If they do lose control they have contacts and influence to sweep things under the rug.


That's the thing. Guy in the article was very immature, probably grew up abused himself, and didn't have the control to even wait until people weren't present to document it. My dad was/is also very immature, but smart enough to know to hide it somewhat.

He rarely showed bad behavior toward me and my mom when people that might complain were around, and if he did it was very mild compared to at home alone.
And my family's excuses were "he's just under a lot of stress." It's amazing the excuses close family can make for a loved ones abuse, because they don't want to believe, or don't want to take responsibility for caring for a child in a bad situation.

I never hid how he was from anyone. I'd tell people about it, but knowing him outside of the home they assumed I was exaggerating. That's also my dad's favorite quote "she's exaggerating."
Over the years he's even tried to say I dreamt certain stuff and it didn't actually happen.
Now that I haven't lived there for years he's deluded himself into thinking things were better than they were, conveniently forgotten a lot of his behavior.
I have no doubt the reason he doesn't act abusive toward me now is he knows he has no control of me. I don't even live in the same state. When he comes to visit he's as nice as can be. The shiat had almost stopped completely BEFORE I even moved out because he knew I'd just leave.

Abusers need to have control of everything. It's when they feel themselves losing control that they become the worst. Once they've lost you altogether they're nice as can be, which is how women get tricked into coming back because "he's changed." But as soon as your back they're going to try and regain that control again. Some do it through physical intimidation, some mental, some both, but it's all abuse.
2013-02-28 11:35:04 PM
4 votes:
Yogimus, you are a liar. Or the stupidest member of the law enforcement community there ever has been.

ANY time I've called law enforcement when witnessing someone being abused, they, without fail, assured me that was the right thing to do and to not have gotten involved myself.

Only if she was in danger of losing her life before the cops showed up would you get involved, and then only to the degree to delay or evade until law enforcement showed up.

[lying_douchenozzle.jpg]
2013-02-28 11:18:08 PM
4 votes:
My sister dated an asshole who physically beat her.  A date or two ended with him telling her "Get out of this farking car before I beat you."  She married him.

One morning, after she was in a car wreck which totaled her car, I drove to her place to take her to work.  She brought me into their fight where I watched him pick up a drinking glass and hit her with it.  I said "I'm ending this shiat now."  and called the police.  They showed up and my sister lied to protect her husband.  She told the police that I made the entire event up and that the fresh black eye was her getting her at work the day before.

When the police left, she asked if I was going to take her to work, I said "No.  fark you.  He beats you, I see it, and you insult me to the police.  You cut me down, the tell the police everything you can to discredit me, even telling them that I was a special needs child to let your husband get away with beating you up.  Fark you.  I don't give a damn what happens to you because when you have the chance to get out of it, you sell me out to save the sorry ass of that son of a biatch who beats you.  If he breaks your bones, if he chokes the life out of you, I don't care.  This is what you want, this is what you get.  When that bastard puts you in the hospital, don't ask me for sympathy because this is the life you want.  Now, go to that unemployed by choice wife beating asshole you married and ask him to get you to work because I don't care if you get there or not, and never again will I ever do a farking thing for you."  That was in 2005, and while he's beaten her some more, while he'shiat her with a car in a parking lot, after he's dislocated her shoulder once, I don't care.  She tells me and I look at her and tell her "It's what you wanted because you're dumb enough to think that he's worth it.  He's not.  He's a criminal who belongs in prison with other wife beaters."
2013-02-28 11:11:59 PM
4 votes:

A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?


Are you new here?  This is a pretty consistent mindset thread to thread.  There could be a thread where the news story is about  a popular  farkette who was raped to death with a jigsaw on tape, and a dozen farkers would whine that that's what she gets for not dating them.  Because they are nice guys.  So nice in fact that they think that murder is an acceptable punishment for not farking them.
2013-02-28 11:03:11 PM
4 votes:

Anderson's Pooper: The main problem with the VAWA, apart from the name, is that is has been used as a pre-emptive strike in numerous divorce cases.  Most judges and magistrates will grant a protection order against a man based solely on a woman's testimony that she is afraid for her safety or that of her children.  This includes cases when there has been NO domestic violence. "He yelled at me and he owns a gun" is all it takes. Once the guy is out of the home, good luck for him getting custody/visitation or control of the real estate.  There have been too many BS cases filed under VAWA.  For the cases like the one in the article it is a godsend but it has been tremendously abused and I blame my legal colleagues in large part for that.


You realize that domestic violence can include yelling, right? It doesn't necessarily require someone to get beaten.
Basically, you're arguing that the main problem with VAWA is that you can't be emotionally abusive and threatening without getting in trouble.
2013-02-28 10:59:13 PM
4 votes:

JerkStore: I'm definitely not OK with this. I don't care what you call yourself, photojournalist, when a woman is being beaten in front of you, YOU FARKING DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE HER. You don't keep snapping pictures hoping to document...whatever it was you were trying to document. It's not a secret that women are beaten, yet you let it happen right in front of your eyes, never mind the children who will be royally farked up from these experiences.

Fail on so many levels. But at least you got some great shots and some buzz about your "important" work.

Fark you.


In other words you wanted to see two women beaten that night.
2013-02-28 10:55:40 PM
4 votes:

claudiogut: That speaks volumes about the quality of that woman that was attracted to that ex-con... and also about the female photographer who was most probably attracted to him initially... while completely ignoring the father of the kids who is paying child support for that skank to endanger his kids by having that ex con around...


Whup, here's another one! They're drawn to this thread like flies to shiat.
2013-02-28 10:55:28 PM
4 votes:
Wow, lotsa bitter "nice guys" in this thread.  Which makes you laugh because genuinely nice guys don't have trouble finding nice girls.  If all the girls you find are evil, manipulative biatches or ignore you, the problem is you not all the girls you've been after.

This mom is still a kid herself and of course makes stupid ass decisions.  I'm glad she's gotten out. I'm glad she had options to get out and didn't feel trapped.  I worry though that she felt more powerful just by having a photographer there with her. I felt so sorry for the little girl and hope this hasn't been typical of her upbringing.  Hopefully mom can keep her nose clean, but I have no faith in her making up with dad and living happily ever after. Maybe the kids will stay with some of dad, or rather a family member of his given his job (maybe gramma could move in?), or be shuttled back with mom's family at home.  Sadly, mom needs some more time to grow up.
2013-02-28 10:47:21 PM
4 votes:

Via Infinito: I love how ignorant people were giving the photographer a bunch of shiat for not "intervening" in the assault.  Maybe she didn't want to get choked out too? She's a f*cking photographer, not a UFC fighter.


I've made a point to never get involved in a "domestic dispute" with people I don't really know. Family or close friends only, where I know both people well, know their mentality and reactions, and I have a better chance of de-escalating the situation

Taking sides can make the abuser more violent for one, not to mention half the time the woman starts taking the mans side and gets aggressive toward you for not minding your own business.

Nope. I'll let the cops handle it. If I was a 6' 6" tall man and not a 5'2" woman I might do something different.
Also, as a gun owner, since someone inevitably is thinking "If someone had a gun they coulda shot or threatened to shoot him," I'm gonna say that first of all it's illegal to threaten someone with a gun (brandishing a firearm), and it's only legal to shoot if you or someone else is in fear for their life.
In this case, the guy was unarmed, and  did some choking, but she didn't pass out or anything, and he didn't appear to be threatening anyone else. I don't think it elevated to a "fear for my life" situation before the cops got there. And even if it did, the guilt it would put on the abused would be horrendous. People like that always tend to put the blame on themselves in some way.

Unfortunately the responsibility is on the woman to make a decision to tell the truth when the cops show up, press charges, get a restraining order, and leave the guy. Intervening yourself rarely comes to anything. Even if you de-escalate the situation, it might make it worse, as she might refuse to press chargers, stay with him longer and end up abused further.

Domestic abuse is always a tricky sitution, and I don't fault the photographer for not getting in the middle. To keep taking pictures, also allowed for more evidence of the assault, if needed in court.
2013-02-28 10:46:53 PM
4 votes:

Freudian_slipknot: A Terrible Human: nice guy bullshiat?

I have a huge collection of "nice guys" here whose posts all show up light pink for me so I never have to take anything they say seriously ever again.

It's delusional thinking on par with birthers.  These threads really bring out the loons.


Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I could be wrong. I could just have encountered these observations because I have made less-than-good decisions in my life rendering them obviously skewed and expected, but it sure doesn't seem that way.

I like the "I'm a guy" kind of guy. If they specify (and insist) that they are nice or talented or super-easy-going or whatever... it's automatic Opposite Day in my head.
2013-02-28 10:44:38 PM
4 votes:

Slam1263: Meh, she stays with the peice of filth, there must be something she likes about being someone's punching bag.

Go ahead, tell me she can't leave him for n reasons, but she can. All she has to do is pick up a phone, and dial the nearest shelter.

Trust me, those people are great, they could have gotten Eve Braun out of the bunker.


Read the article; she left after the first attack.


BummerDuck: Shane was unemployed, therefor not the provider. Looks like they had nice stuff, so she must have been paying for it.

I obviously _could_ be wrong, but that gives me the conclusion that SHE had the power to get rid of him at any time. She chose not to, and so I only feel sorry for the kids for having an idiot for a mother, and potentially for the dad.


According to the article, they were living with a friend, so I don't think they owned any of the nice stuff in the pictures.
2013-02-28 10:42:42 PM
4 votes:

Abox: moonscatter: she was never at fault.

In that you can't blame a person for their own stupidity?


In that it isn't her fault he can't stop kicking her ass or breaking the law. It is his fault for crossing that line and his fault alone. Sure, she made the mistake of hanging out with a douchebag, but the penalty for that should not be an ass kicking in front of your kids.
2013-02-28 10:41:55 PM
4 votes:

A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?


Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.

/Your screen name wasn't just randomly selected, was it.
2013-02-28 10:36:43 PM
4 votes:

Jixa: Maybe it's just my "survivor's paranoia", but what disturbed me more was the disproportionate amount of attention he lavished on the little girl.  Good on her for leaving that douchenozzle and starting over.  shiat like that never ends well when they stay together.


No it isn't just your paranoia,I felt the same way. He treats the little boy as if he's a threat to him and the grown woman's relationship but is just fine with the little girl.
2013-02-28 10:32:08 PM
4 votes:
And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.
2013-02-28 10:26:07 PM
4 votes:
Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.
2013-02-28 10:24:47 PM
4 votes:
Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

The dude is an obvious scumbag.  A few more years of anal rape in prison will give him food for thought.

I have zero empathy for either one of these people.
2013-02-28 10:17:12 PM
4 votes:

Thisbymaster: That was really hard to look at, so much so that I stopped and closed the window.  Then started again. Women where ever you are remember that these men are in jail for a reason do not go out with them.


This.  Bad boys are not the answer.  The man with a healthy dose of Fark-It-All and the patience to let the goblins get close before stomping their guts out is the man you want.  Anybody can be a punk.  Not everybody can be a man.  Pick the man.
2013-02-28 10:14:08 PM
4 votes:
I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.
2013-02-28 08:40:09 PM
4 votes:
2013-02-28 08:23:04 PM
4 votes:
At first I was thinking, "so many pics, really?" Then I was hooked. Horrific.
2013-03-01 11:03:53 AM
3 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: When your ex was in a rage that was directed at you, would anything else take her attention off of that rage she had with you? Could she be snapped to notice anything else that was going on around her besides her anger with you?

The way my ex was, he wouldn't have even noticed another person around at certain point of his rage. Every ounce of his attention was focused on me and his rage at me and his need to punish me. Anything else peripheral did not enter the equation. I can totally see it.


This. Predator sees only movement, crazy sees only their target.
2013-03-01 10:52:21 AM
3 votes:

imfallen_angel: I simply believe that the pictures are staged, as this is a school project and I don't believe an abuser like this, would stand having someone stand there snapping pictures of him while he's trashing the woman around..


When your ex was in a rage that was directed at you, would anything else take her attention off of that rage she had with you? Could she be snapped to notice anything else that was going on around her besides her anger with you?

The way my ex was, he wouldn't have even noticed another person around at certain point of his rage. Every ounce of his attention was focused on me and his rage at me and his need to punish me. Anything else peripheral did not enter the equation. I can totally see it.
2013-03-01 09:28:12 AM
3 votes:

Mistress Jedana: She missed a lot of warning signs--competition with the young son, overcompensating with the daughter.


The fact that he was in prison when they met.
2013-03-01 07:33:55 AM
3 votes:
It's possible that the woman was "unable" to go with her husband to Alaska....she was young, and in the article, it says the douche moved her to Ohio and it was the furthest she had ever been from her family.  Maybe when her husband got the orders to head out, she was mentally unprepared to move cross country away from mom and dad.  Then, while he was gone, she got lonely and decided that the douche was the better choice because he was right there.

She missed a lot of warning signs--competition with the young son, overcompensating with the daughter.   She screwed up, and maybe she'll turn this into a learning experience and move herself along into a better life--take the opportunity to go to school while she's with the husband in Alaska, and get herself together.

My first husband--he was a piece of work.    I still have a scar under my chin from his knife, and my kneecaps are still "floaters" with a few bits of carteledge (sp?) holding them on when he kicked me with the steel toed boots.  I have trouble hearing out of my left ear, partially from him slamming his fist into the side of my head repeatedly.  He didn't leave too many bruises where people could see, other than around my neck--"oh, those are hickies" he would tell people.    He moved me from my family to a tiny town, and told the neighbors I was crazy.  They wouldn't even talk to me.

When I threw the coffee cup at him, trying to buy time to put my daughter in her crib before he started in on me, the judge took that as a sign of agression and told me to stop wasting the court's time.  At his mom's house, he punched me in the stomach because I wasn't in the mood for sex--I had been up all night with the baby; I was sick on top of it, fever and all; and his mom would just walk in and out of our bedroom whenever she felt like it.  I came out, crying and throwing up, and his mom asked what happened.  He told her he punched me and she said "good, she probably deserved it".  His mom is a secretary at the FBI...she made sure that he got out of trouble every time I called the cops...except the last one.

Once I figured out how to get our daughter safe, I took the chance and got away.  My daughter was safe, I wasn't.  He kept coming back.  The last time, I moved into a different county and found a judge who was serious about domestic violance.   He spent 5 years in prison for assault and rape.

/over 20 years ago and I still worry about him finding me
//he has a relationship with my daughter, but she knows what he is like and limits his involvement
///I'll wake up a couple times tonight, remembering all this
////
2013-03-01 07:26:18 AM
3 votes:
I can't make it through this thread. You "Nice Guys" are f*cking pathetic.
2013-03-01 02:46:07 AM
3 votes:

Bit'O'Gristle: I can see how a mother of 2 children, being alone, with no income would latch onto anyone that would be able to possibly help. But look at this guy, in and out of prison his whole life, covered with prison tats from head to toe, obviously of low intellect and no future, and she is surprised that he resorts to physical violence during a argument, and that his persona is like that of a child, demanding her attention, and not understanding why she needs to spend more time with her toddlers. This was just horribly sad, but it was obvious that it would head that way. Feel sorry for the children, they are the true victims of circumstance and bad life choices.


Desperation can lead to stupid decisions.

Also, take a moment, and think about any men you know who are adults, have jobs, and generally have their shiat together.  Now take a moment and think about how many of them would decide to get seriously involved with a woman who was pregnant at 15, has two very young children, and is unemployed?

The woman did not deserve to have some prison-inked shiat bag throw her around.  But the vast majority of well adjusted men are going to want to stay the hell away.

END COMMUNICATION
2013-03-01 02:05:23 AM
3 votes:

Kensey: Here's the big issue I have with all the "nice guy" hate that's been flying around lately: a lot of nice guys(tm) who lament their role in such terms are put in that role by a woman they know.  These nice-guys-tm didn't seek it out and most often wish the woman in question would go away.  They're not mooning over her -- they're hearing about her asshole boyfriend/husband and what a jerk he is and thinking "So dump his ass and go find a guy like you claim to want instead, you giant idiot".  But here's the thing, not being raging assholes themselves, they wouldn't ever be so blunt as to say that, and if they did it would provoke the recitation of a litany of reasons why the woman in question couldn't or shouldn't dump the zero and find a hero.


And this is the heart of the problem. The "nice guy" in your example is man pretending to be friends with a woman he secretly thinks is an idiot, and because he hides (or at least TRIES to hide) from her the fact that he thinks she's an idiot, that makes him a "nice guy" women should want to date --- but won't, because they're idiots.

This is EXACTLY why many women don't want to date a "nice guy."
HBK
2013-03-01 01:36:13 AM
3 votes:
Nice guys- here's a simple flow chart

Are you at all sexually interested in this woman?

IF NO- it's okay to be nice and do favors for her. She's your friend, just like your male friends. There's not supposed to be any sexual tension here.

IF YES- be amicable, but do not be her friend. Do not do any favors for her. Do not sit on the phone listening to her talk about her boyfriend "Look, I don't have time for this." Do not drive her to the airport. Don't go see Sex in the City 3 with her. Make your intentions known from the offset. She knows whether or not she wants to date or have sex with you fairly soon after meeting you. You aren't going to trick a girl into liking you. She If she has a boyfriend, ignore her until she doesn't. If you become her lap dog and do favors for her, you are in the friend zone. You're the kinda creepy guy that she knows has a crush on her but she has absolutely no interest in dating. If a girl spurns your advances, game's up- ignore her and move on. There are literally dozens of women out there that would probably date you. At the outset of a potential relationship, women don't want men who are willing to do everything for them. They want men who have a back bone and who are willing to say no to their stupid requests. Tell her you're busy even if you just want to sit around and watch futurama. Not being at her beck and call will get you laid more than being there for her.

Once you've landed a few actual girlfriends or sexual encounters, you can adjust the strategy a little bit.
2013-03-01 01:15:48 AM
3 votes:

Virtuoso80: I'm going to be honest and say I sympathize emotionally more with him than with her. It's all about need, and fear of loss. That seems fairly obvious from his attempts to control and isolate her, insistence on attention, and fury at being 'abandoned' at a club. I get that. I've never hit or been physically aggressive with anyone my entire adult life, but I do get it.

Freudian_slipknot: megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I think most of them focus on the "nice" thing because they have to work SO HARD to be a decent human towards women, who they clearly actually think are sub-humans or uninteresting or otherwise unworthy of friendship, that all they can think of is the sheer wasted effort that went into treating them like people, only to receive little or no sex in return.

Guys who treat women like actual people by reflex rather than design don't consider themselves to be particularly "nice guys."  Like you said, they're just guys.  Guys who don't actually hate women.

/bet the guy in the article considers himself a nice guy
//would tell you all about the biatches who left him for no reason for some other asshole

As a 'nice guy', I can tell you it began more, for me, like dealing with women as an alien race. They confused me. Men made sense - their social cues and actions were easy to interpret. Women, not so much. I just didn't get them, but I knew I desired them. So, I thought, perhaps an exchange was in order. I would be nice, and do what they seemed to want, and then in return perhaps they would give me what I wanted. They didn't hold up their end of it, which seemed incredibly selfish and wrong, so I got angry and bitter. It wasn't the right way to go about it, but I had no clue. I think both you and the responder got it wrong - it's not about hate/beneath me, or pedestal/above me - it's just about different. Women were an enigma.

And guess what? M ...


wow, shocking. a self identified "nice guy" who identifies with a felon who assaulted his barely legal girlfriend. might as well start abducting the neighbors pets and skinning them alive.
2013-03-01 01:06:54 AM
3 votes:

Corn_Fed: If she has two small children, and decides to shack up with a recently-released prison convict with jailhouse tats and no job or skills, it is completely inappropriate to suggest that there could be any negative consequences to her decision.

After all, the reason why "bad decisions" are bad is because there are no foreseeable consequences, right? No higher likelihood of bad outcomes.


How dare any of us criticize this woman, when she could not possibly have known this was a bad, bad, bad match.




Dude, she's just a kid. How good was your judgement when you were nineteen? And lots of guys are going to run like hell from getting involved with someone that young who has two small kids. But for a guy like this one, she's just the wounded Gazelle he was looking for. He could probably really spin a line of bullshiat, and she would gladly believe it. Sure, lots of us can take one glance at this guy and think, "Good lord, stay away ladies". But we aren't seeing him with their eyes, or their life experience.
2013-03-01 12:28:45 AM
3 votes:

Yogimus: I disagree. Placing responsibility on the victim EMPOWERS the victim. Removing all responsibility removes all ability to affect the situation. Like I said... the FIRST time, it is NOT her fault.


No one is a mind reader.  At NO TIME is it anyone's fault to be abused or attacked.  Abuse generally starts slowly: the target is isolated, made dependent on the abuser, self-esteem and self-worth are chipped away and generally brainwashed to think that the one being abused thinks that s/he deserves the abuse.  Then you have the threats of "if you leave, I'll kill you" - which is generally what happens with the worst cases.

Abusers also tend to be fairly charismatic.  They play the good guy - until the victim is isolated and dependent on the abuser.

So no, there is no "personal responsibility" on the abused for the abuse they received.

Here's something for you to read.  That deals primarily with rape and sexual assault, but it can also be applied to domestic abuse.
2013-03-01 12:19:33 AM
3 votes:
Gah.  That guy is a farking IDIOT.  Can't understand why her kids get more attention than he does?

THEY ARE CHILDREN! THEY NEED THE EXTRA ATTENTION BECAUSE THEY CANNOT TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES!

*shakes head*

\she's 19 and has two kids, one 4 years old?
\\yeah, ok
2013-02-28 11:19:52 PM
3 votes:

debug: moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.

No, it's really not the same at all.


I've watched a three year old little girl beat a barbie doll into losing it's limbs because of watching daddy put mommy in the hospital. when you actually have watched something like this, then you can make such an idiotic statement. until then STFU
2013-02-28 11:17:17 PM
3 votes:

ReapTheChaos: So, the photographer just stood there the whole time snapping photos  while both parties act oblivious to her presence then the dude beats the shiat out of his wife while someone snaps pics?

Bullshiat.



FTAI've been castigated by a number of anonymous internet commenters who have said that I should have somehow physically intervened between the two. Their criticism counters what actual law enforcement officers have told me - that physically intervening would have likely only made the situation worse, endangering me, and further endangering Maggie.


So either you didn't bother to read the article, or you think you're more of an expert on domestic violence than the police.
2013-02-28 11:17:03 PM
3 votes:

KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.


Domestic violence statistics show that there there is no socio-economic link to this behavior.  There is a positive correlation for those who come from patriarchal cultures.
2013-02-28 11:04:35 PM
3 votes:

sendtodave: JerkStore: I'm definitely not OK with this. I don't care what you call yourself, photojournalist, when a woman is being beaten in front of you, YOU FARKING DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE HER. You don't keep snapping pictures hoping to document...whatever it was you were trying to document. It's not a secret that women are beaten, yet you let it happen right in front of your eyes, never mind the children who will be royally farked up from these experiences.

Fail on so many levels. But at least you got some great shots and some buzz about your "important" work.

Fark you.

That's not her job.  She made sure someone had called the cops.  You think she should have, what, started hitting the guy?

And besides, she's probably helping battered women more this way, by raising awareness.


You gotta wonder, too, if the woman in this case might have been more likely to pull the whole "But he loooooooooves me!" card and go back to him if this photographic evidence of what a piece of shiat he is didn't exist.  I mean, I can't imagine any mother looking at that picture of her tiny daughter trying to get between her and the asshole beating the shiat out of her and going back to the asshole.
2013-02-28 11:03:45 PM
3 votes:

claudiogut: That speaks volumes about the quality of that woman that was attracted to that ex-con... and also about the female photographer who was most probably attracted to him initially... while completely ignoring the father of the kids who is paying child support for that skank to endanger his kids by having that ex con around...


...what?  Did you read the article at all?  They weren't divorced; just separated.  He wasn't paying child support.  And it DIDN'T ignore him at all.  Hell, the last photos in the set were dealing with her gathering the tatters of her life back together and moving her family to Alaska to live with her husband who she had mended her estrangement with, who she specifically praised as "[He] has been so understanding about everything, he wants to take care of us. I'm really lucky."

So again:  What?
2013-02-28 11:00:54 PM
3 votes:

JerkStore: I'm definitely not OK with this. I don't care what you call yourself, photojournalist, when a woman is being beaten in front of you, YOU FARKING DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE HER. You don't keep snapping pictures hoping to document...whatever it was you were trying to document. It's not a secret that women are beaten, yet you let it happen right in front of your eyes, never mind the children who will be royally farked up from these experiences.

Fail on so many levels. But at least you got some great shots and some buzz about your "important" work.

Fark you.


That's not her job.  She made sure someone had called the cops.  You think she should have, what, started hitting the guy?

And besides, she's probably helping battered women more this way, by raising awareness.
2013-02-28 10:52:23 PM
3 votes:

megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I could be wrong. I could just have encountered these observations because I have made less-than-good decisions in my life rendering them obviously skewed and expected, but it sure doesn't seem that way.

I like the "I'm a guy" kind of guy. If they specify (and insist) that they are nice or talented or super-easy-going or whatever... it's automatic Opposite Day in my head.


My girlfriend (now fiancee) said that she liked me because I was nice.  I told her immediately that, no, I am an asshole, too, just like all guys.

Then I work to prove her right, and me wrong.

But I don't want to be on a pedestal, shouting "oh, look at me, I'm so nice, better than everyone else!"  Because that's bullshiat.
2013-02-28 10:48:54 PM
3 votes:

JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.


 Hey, guys, we've got a sociopath in the thread. Make sure you update your farkies.
2013-02-28 10:39:24 PM
3 votes:

A Terrible Human: nice guy bullshiat?


I have a huge collection of "nice guys" here whose posts all show up light pink for me so I never have to take anything they say seriously ever again.

It's delusional thinking on par with birthers.  These threads really bring out the loons.
2013-02-28 10:34:18 PM
3 votes:

Abox: moonscatter: she was never at fault.

In that you can't blame a person for their own stupidity?


He assaulted her. He failed kindergarten. No, a victim is NOT at fault for the assault committed on them. It falls squarely and completely on them.

If she had any fault, then wow, maybe he shouldn't be criminally charged, right? Maybe she should recant, or work on getting the charges dismissed, I mean, after all, being almost murdered was her fault for not loving him enough, right?
2013-02-28 10:32:43 PM
3 votes:

BummerDuck: I guess I took this a little different than most. Felt bad for the kids, but what the fark do you expect from a tattooed freak of a felon?

She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The story left unsaid is what happened to the father? I wonder if he was denied custody of the kids because he is male? Well, I'm sure his money was paying for everything. Poor bastard, now his kids are screwed up for life.


This is a very typical case in some ways. Batterers (male and female) tend to be incredibly charismatic. They convince their future victim they have some special trait that will provide that "thing" that will turn their lives around and make them better people.

And the violence runs in cycles, sometimes with very long "honeymoon" cycles that really convince people to endure these relationships because they really want to "save" someone.
2013-02-28 10:20:33 PM
3 votes:
People (women especially) think they can "save" the other person. We have all seen it before.  This woman was 19 and had 2 kids, so I doubt if it was raining men for her.  At least she had him arrested and pressed charges. If she had allowed him to talk her out of the arrest, she would have been on Fark long ago as another homicide.

That article was a tough read.


/I think it's time to pray for her and a better future.
2013-02-28 10:11:29 PM
3 votes:
That was really hard to look at, so much so that I stopped and closed the window.  Then started again. Women where ever you are remember that these men are in jail for a reason do not go out with them.
2013-02-28 09:51:26 PM
3 votes:
"Shane had been trying to make a career as a singer in a Christian rock band".

Now there's a good solid career plan, 'cause those guys are just swimming in money.
Especially the ones with prison tattoos. It makes them seem more... wholesome.
2013-02-28 09:24:04 PM
3 votes:
Wow.

I, uh... I'm gonna go hug my wife and kid now.
2013-02-28 08:38:07 PM
3 votes:
Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.
2013-03-01 02:33:43 PM
2 votes:
Ok for all of you being pissed at the Photagrapher and wondering why He didn't step in.

He is a tiny chubby jewish girl in university.
Sara Naomi Lewkowicz is a photographer and first year graduate student at Ohio University in Athens

Also this explains why the drunk asshole ignored her. She was no threat in his eyes.
If the other people in the house had not called the cops we would have never seen these pictures because he would have attacked her to to get them.

read the entire thing don't just look at the pics.
2013-03-01 01:42:05 PM
2 votes:

GF named my left testicle thundercles: this strikes me a fairly minor. the dude pushed her and yelled at her. ive had way worse done to me. why are people losing their shiat about this?


He CHOKED her and threatened to kill her.

Adults don't so that.
2013-03-01 11:47:38 AM
2 votes:

imfallen_angel: As per the caption, he kept making her the offer "beating here and now or we go talk alone"... sorry but I just don't buy it... in full rage that he wouldn't notice someone snapping pictures away, he would not have been able to make such a "coherent" (if not pathetic) comment/statement/offer.


This photographer had been there for a month or so at this point, filming their life, for her story on the stigma of being an ex con.  She was background noise.  He didn't notice her because she had already become wallpaper to him.

You should read articles about the official presidential photographer.  They just sort of, disappear, after awhile.
2013-03-01 11:46:13 AM
2 votes:

imfallen_angel: It just doesn't work that way


Sometimes it does...

meh.
2013-03-01 11:30:55 AM
2 votes:

shortymac: if_i_really_have_to: wickedragon: Yay for army dad! Gets his kids back :D

Army dad who got his girl pregnant at 15 and 17.  Highly likely to be emotionally immature.  Probably in the army because he was otherwise unemployable.  Yeah I'm sure he's a paragon of humanity.

Yay army dad, because if he's the army he must be good.  There are no violent, abusive trash in the infantry.  Oh wait, the DV rate in the military is more than four times that of the civilian population.

Abused women tend to go from one abuser to another.  Just saying.

Sadly this is the first thing I thought.

There's no place for a young man in this day and age if he isn't college or trade material, the only option left is army. Thanks to the Iraq and Afgani wars the standards dropped as well so it's a clusterfark.

I hope this chick doesn't turn out like my cousin, jumping from guy to guy and completely relying on him for support so she doesn't have to work. She has the mental maturity of a 19 year old and she's 36. It's sickening to watch. Thankfully, I don't ever believe she or her kids have ever been abused because they would have ended up in the Delaware river.

/Daddy issues is my best guess


As a vet I have to take some offense to some of your comment. Yes there are some real slaprocks in the military, I served with a lot of them, but at least it gave them a place to go and something to do, that may not sound all that great but at least they were doing something moderatly productive. I had a technical job while I was in reparing missile systems. I got out 13 years ago and have done everything from telecom to R&D for flat panel TV screen manufacturing which included lasers, I now work in robotics. So there are a few of us that werent ready for college so we went in the military. I think I ended up alright. I really enjoy the fact that I got to spend my 20s in Europe rather than in a classroom. And as far as infidelity goes in the military it is rampant. I saw a lot of it when I was at Ft Stewart. My roommate was always bringing married chicks back to our apartment, some of them were civilian dependents and some were fellow soldiers. Worse time was when my roomie and I were working and the turret guy they assigned to help us was the husband of the chick my roomie had been banging for awhile. The turret guy had no clue, and was really helpful he even bought us lunch that day. I felt really bad for him and I also realized what  a dink my roommate was.
2013-03-01 11:23:34 AM
2 votes:

FarkAllPoliticians: Ok.... . Every time I feel that I am about to Lose my temper I stop and remember the terror when I saw my father on top of my mom choking her and my older brother (11years old) with a shotgun pointed at my fathers head....... Well the cycle of abuse CAN be broken.


True.  My Dad was abused by his father physically, and his mother emotionally.  He was an AMAZING father, and part of that was exactly what you said here - when he was losing his temper, he remembered how he felt and he would regain control.  Growing up, he never even raised his voice to us, in fear that it would be a slippery slope to what happened to him.

My husband's father was also abusive, although it was worst for his mother and younger brother.  Hubby is a pleaser personality, so escaped most of the worst of it.  His brother was defiant, stood up for himself and his mom.  Took the brunt.  Husband has a rage temper - it's quite terrifying when he loses it but he never directs it AT anyone.  It mostly gets turned on himself and I am left flabbergasted trying to console a grown man who has gone from sensible to toddler rage in ten minutes.  I must admit I had reservations before we had kids but since we have, he has never lost his temper in front of them, ever, and is a model of parental patience.  An ideal father.  A sometimes exhausting mate, however - there is something fearful and broken in there that will never be completely right.

You DO NOT HAVE TO BECOME WHAT YOU WERE RAISED TO BE.
2013-03-01 10:58:06 AM
2 votes:

FarkAllPoliticians: The question I always had was: why would you abuse the only people in this world that would accept you for who you are, no matter what?!?!


I just want to internet hug you. Thank you for breaking that cycle.
2013-03-01 10:19:30 AM
2 votes:

Slam1263: ...

No fisticuffs, no hard ass noise, just a little bit of experience with dumb young males, I am a former Marine, I was young and dumb, and everyone went home verticle.

Honest ...


there was an almost indentical situation in my city recently, where the Slam1263 equivalent got stabbed to death doing this
2013-03-01 10:16:32 AM
2 votes:

imfallen_angel: As a project, it's very visual, and the tattooed guy in the personification of the stereotype of what people consider what abusive men look like.


You should take a look at my abusive ex. Middle class, damn good job (at the time), no tattoos, well dressed, clean cut.

Other than that, I just don't have the heart today to argue any of your other points.
2013-03-01 10:03:40 AM
2 votes:

John Buck 41: 19 y/o and she has a 4 y/o? Wow. Not that he's an angel, for sure.

Sad tag fits. Too well.


It kind of makes sense I suppose. I mean, she's just a kid.  And kids made dumb mistakes.  Everyone else can tell you that you're walking into a trap, but when you're seeing everything for the first time - when it's your first rodeo - you think it'll be different. or at least not that bad. Or that you're unstoppable, that invincibility complex and danger rush that just goads you into the very thing you should avoid.  I pity her.  It's a hard lesson.
2013-03-01 09:17:40 AM
2 votes:

GoSurfing: Not going to claim to be a nice guy, but seriously, the women I've liked that didn't give me the time of day were more talented/smarter/awesome/etc in every way, shape, form. That's honestly what I thought. It wasn't a "putting her on a pedestal" complex either, rather just knowing you couldn't compete with someone way higher on the social ladder.


This is a pattern of thinking. Considering anyone to be "more talented/smarter/awesome/etc in every way, shape, form" screams low self-esteem and strikes me as a bit creepy. If I met someone who thought of me like that, I'd run far and run fast.
2013-03-01 09:07:29 AM
2 votes:

imfallen_angel: Dion Fortune: Does anyone else feel like these pictures are fake/staged?  Maybe I'm just in denial, but it seems too perfect: a cute blonde lady, cuter daughter, a guy with all these tattoos and his shirt off showing off chiseled muscles, and the house is so clean.

Anyway, domestic violence is sad ;_;

Mentioned it, nobody has a response.

Seriously, why would they let a person take pictures like this, and as a photographer, these are NOT snapshots, they required setting up, adjustments, colour balance, etc.

I understand that many on Fark have stories... heck I probably trump most, but my technical side kicked in for this one, and I really don't believe that they let someone take pictures while a full rage scenario was happening.

/my ex, a female, was abusive and violent.


Hmm. You are another one who didn't read the article that accompanied the pictures aren't you? If you had you would have know that the photographer was working on a project about the stigma associated with being an ex-con, and this guy had agreed to be the focus of her project, then one night during the course of taking pictures for the project this broke out.
2013-03-01 08:24:22 AM
2 votes:

Thunderpipes: In the modern age, where information is everywhere, I have to ask what kind of modern woman would take being abused even once. This is not the 50's where you have nobody to go to. Women do not grow up today ignorant about the world. Why would a woman think getting to know a guy in prison, then dating and being with him is a good idea? Why?

Guys so the same thing, get whipped, have no spine, are miserable and to wuss to do anything about it, so it is not just women. Lots of people who are just maybe weak and scared.


Are you trolling or are you always this f*cking retarded?
2013-03-01 07:10:17 AM
2 votes:
I know FARK is not usually the forum for this sort of post, but I had a hard time with the photo of him chocking her, because my ex choked me a few times, and it was farking terrifying.  The shiat is, I was not raised in an abusive home.  White, Protestant middle-class suburban upbringing.  Strong mom.  Said ex was the only violent one, the rest were lambs.  I didn't think it could happen to me: I was educated, and thought if some guy EVAR tried to hit me, I'd go all GI Jane and kick his ass before kicking him to the curb.  I still can't understand why the hell I put up with several violent incidents before finally leaving when I was being choked again, but from behind with a bread knife scraping across my collarbone.  I still cross my fingers hoping my mom will never notice the scar.
2013-03-01 04:41:48 AM
2 votes:

wickedragon: Yay for army dad! Gets his kids back :D


Army dad who got his girl pregnant at 15 and 17.  Highly likely to be emotionally immature.  Probably in the army because he was otherwise unemployable.  Yeah I'm sure he's a paragon of humanity.

Yay army dad, because if he's the army he must be good.  There are no violent, abusive trash in the infantry.  Oh wait, the DV rate in the military is more than four times that of the civilian population.

Abused women tend to go from one abuser to another.  Just saying.
2013-03-01 04:08:53 AM
2 votes:

DrPainMD: VAWA should have been voted down because there's no federal issue involved.


We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence,[note 1] promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

so yah
about those states' rights

if the states HAD been protecting women's welfare, enforcing the laws when women were beaten, raped and abused, well then, there would have been no need or reason for the feds to step in.
but the states COMPLETELY and TOTALLY had been failing women.

look at any stats pre-VAWA and tell me honestly that women were being protected by the courts.
2013-03-01 02:52:09 AM
2 votes:
Where are the fathers? Hers needed to teach her how to be treated, and his needed to teach him how to treat. Sadly...the cycle will likely continue.
2013-03-01 02:23:53 AM
2 votes:
People in cramped quarters often argue and it can escalate to violence.  Men have more upper body strength than women.  It's never pretty and it almost always happens with the same plot line.  Sad, that.  When life is one long slog through almost enough, you get bitter and tired.  Please don't marry too young or too poor.  The world can wait.  Try and remember to be kind to those you care for.  We need more of that.
2013-03-01 02:10:33 AM
2 votes:
an open mind is helpful with any situation.  when you have that,  you can possibly find within the empathy to see how this happens.  i was a victim and im not dumb.   if any of the people posting about "how much of a scumbag"  this guy is or "how stupid she is" would allow anyone to believe that you have ever fallen into such a pattern of self deception for so long that you questioned your very reality you would understand the farking complexity.  ITS A DISEASE.  there are reasons,  proven through psychological diagnosis of why people fall into the trap laid out before them when it comes to the cycle of abuse and addiction.  if you had any farking interest in what its about,  you would be reading about it instead of spewing all your intolerant and ignorant shiate.
2013-03-01 01:40:12 AM
2 votes:

DittoToo: Bender The Offender: Yogimus: I am the farking police.

You are a farking liar. No police officer would advocate 3rd parties insert themselves into assaults, that's a great way to increase a victim count and get arrested. I've been arrested for intervening when a young guy was beating and robbing an old guy in a parking lot (with witnesses and security footage to that affect) and I was arrested. Every mother farker, from the arresting officer, to the magistrate, to the DA and judge told me I should not have physically got involved. The case was Nolle Pros, but that didn't matter, because I still had to deal with the bullshiat of getting arrested and fingerprinted and posting bail, and going to court. You're bullshiat and dishonest advice is a great way to get arrested. Just stop with the farking internet tough guy bullshiat. You're a farking liar.

Would you do it again?


Of course, I'm not going to let someone get killed in front of me without trying to stop it. I'm also a pretty healthy guy with military and self-defense background. I'm not a 100 pound woman confronting a raging ex-con psychopath and I'm not going to put others down for choosing not to get involved in a volatile situation that they didn't feel they could handle. As I said, every person I came into contact with because of that instance told me I should never have gotten involved physically. The police, the lawyers, the judge, every single one of them acknowledged that what I did was the right thing morally but that didn't stop them from arresting and charging me. My point is 2 fold. 1, dude is lying about being a cop. Cops are not going to tell you to pile on more victims during an assault and 2, not everyone has the appropriate training in self defense to safely intervene in a situation like that. You have to put your safety first. If we follow the idiot cop impostor's line of reasoning, all of those times that my paramedic team waited for police to clear a scene after shots fired, we were being pussies because we're following protocols and orders and not running in there, creating more victims or adding more fuel to the fire. His thinking is just so monumentally stupid and short-sighted and what if someone were actually stupid enough to think he's telling the truth? That's the kind of bullshiat that can get people hurt and killed. He's willing to put lives at risk so he can sound tough on the internet. Just farked up.
2013-03-01 01:18:28 AM
2 votes:

JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.


Wow, really? You think an overweight, unemployed, single mother with obvious low self-esteem and no options with 2 kids has choices in her love life? Why the hell did you think she was relegated to prison men?

You're as disgusting as the abuser is.
2013-03-01 12:32:04 AM
2 votes:

BummerDuck: The story left unsaid is what happened to the father? I wonder if he was denied custody of the kids because he is male? Well, I'm sure his money was paying for everything. Poor bastard, now his kids are screwed up for life.


I'm certain the guy who knocked her up at 15 is a fine responsible gentleman.
2013-03-01 12:18:59 AM
2 votes:

Yogimus: Placing responsibility on the victim EMPOWERS the victim


Stop posting.  For your own sake.
2013-03-01 12:16:52 AM
2 votes:

claudiogut: That speaks volumes about the quality of that woman that was attracted to that ex-con... and also about the female photographer who was most probably attracted to him initially... while completely ignoring the father of the kids who is paying child support for that skank to endanger his kids by having that ex con around...


Even ignoring your choice of the word "skank" I would say that it's at least as likely that your comment speaks volumes about what kind of person YOU are.
2013-03-01 12:16:04 AM
2 votes:
timethemoment.files.wordpress.com

that lat tat pretty much sums it up
2013-03-01 12:04:24 AM
2 votes:

DrPainMD: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

It's OK. I'm sure that you write your state elected officials and demand that they implement a state version of VAWA, don't you? DON'T YOU?

VAWA should have been voted down because there's no federal issue involved.


Yes there is a Federal issue: When you cross the border onto tribal land it is Federally controlled. In theory.
2013-02-28 11:58:07 PM
2 votes:
Oh, and as to the ongoing debate about the photographer: she did the best possible thing she could.  A lot of domestic violence cases slip through the cracks, because either the victim chooses not to press charges, or there's not enough evidence.  But there's pictures of this motherfarker.  He's going back to jail, and he's never going to hurt her or those kids again.
2013-02-28 11:54:29 PM
2 votes:
Yogimus, do you mean the cops ...the same folks that you claim to be? No dispatcher told me that...it was the actual cops that always say "Don't get involved unless the perpetrator is in the act of taking their life".

I've intervened in street fights, an assault on a woman at a bus stop, a rape attempt, a woman beating her kid senseless in the next apartment, men groping women on the subway. I make my presence known to them while I call the police. I tell the police I was two steps away from starting some whoopass myself. They ALWAYS tell me that's the worst thing to do. It'd only make things worse.

That's how I, and everybody else, know you are a douchenozzle.
2013-02-28 11:52:35 PM
2 votes:

moonscatter: KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.

I know this REALLY awesome rich doctor. He'll treat you "just like family." He's incredibly wealthy, having patented a surgical procedure for carpal tunnel cases. His name is Michael Brown and he's looking for a new love. You should check him out.


If that doesn't float your boat, there's this really famous South African athlete.  Made it to the Olympics despite having no legs.  He's a hero, an inspiration to us all.  Surely, he's husband material.
2013-02-28 11:48:12 PM
2 votes:

Yogimus: Staple this to your door. (literally this: print it out)

[media.masslive.com image 665x481]


That blew my farkingmind...  I couldnt figure out where you were going with that in relation to this story, I was stuck on that pic for like a minute going "how the fark does that help!??!?!, is that for intimidation of abusing husbands? are we suposed to put it on their door to fark with them? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!?!?"  But instead one post down it turns out your trolling two threads and got confused.  But for like a minute almost, mind...blown.....
2013-02-28 11:46:43 PM
2 votes:

Theaetetus: It was so important of you to throw in that first clause, huh? Can't resist that little smug dig?


Look: what he did is inexcusable. I don't think she deserved it one bit. But how we select our mates is a big part of the end result. She had an idea of who he was when she met him. He snowed her with the "i'm a changed guy" bit without a doubt and maybe played to some of her insecurities.

Again, she doesn't deserve it... but that was a red flag from day one.
2013-02-28 11:40:24 PM
2 votes:
timethemoment.files.wordpress.com

I want a pony!!
2013-02-28 11:30:12 PM
2 votes:

Theaetetus: Yogimus: Why the hell would you watch a man beat a woman, when you could ACT?

And do...?

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the photographer is not Ronda Rousey. But if you have better information about her capabilities, feel free to offer them up.


Even if it was a man, it's not like the guy was going to stop beating her and get all calm and relaxed if a man intervened. He is going to start fighting with who ever intervened. And this has led to many men being charged with assault when they have tried to intervene only to have both the woman and the abuser claim that the person intervening had attacked them when the police come.
2013-02-28 11:29:25 PM
2 votes:

DeepDownHounds: /farking TERRIFYING


Particularly when you've been on the receiving end.

Not that anyone will pay attention or change an opinion, but I'm going to echo those who have said that not all abusers show outward signs in the beginning. You meet them as a clean cut 17 year old at church camp and find yourself 7 rears later wondering what the hell happened, why you didn't recognize it before he chucked you into the wall last week and how the hell to get out. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a mom to call who won't judge and will do everything in her power to get you and the other 3 living creatures out of the situation.
2013-02-28 11:26:51 PM
2 votes:

Theaetetus: Yogimus: Why the hell would you watch a man beat a woman, when you could ACT?

And do...?

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the photographer is not Ronda Rousey. But if you have better information about her capabilities, feel free to offer them up.


Here is the thing (and the photographer would have no way of knowing this)

1. Abusive people are farking cowards. No, seriously... not because they abuse, but because of the pattern they develop
2. They train their victim for MONTHS prior to that 1st beating, to make sure they are dependent enough to not leave
3. They need to build up the courage to beat their victim.  See #1. This takes time.
4. When the beating occurs, it is almost sexual in its catharsis.
5. A variable introduced into this equation with fark it all up for the abuser.
6. Seriously.. how can you just WATCH?!
2013-02-28 11:24:14 PM
2 votes:

BSABSVR: Ihaveanevilparrot: Anyway, point being, lack of tattoos and being "nice" in public, doesn't = nonabuser.

Yep.  Dude in TFA doesn't have money, connections and probably has worse impulse control than "normal" looking dudes.

There's plenty of educated, employed white collar guys in very nice houses who beat their wives, kids and girlfriends too.  They just wait until everyone leaves, or make sure that the abuse is verbal, or psychological, or in areas that don;t leave marks.


Some people in this thread think that that shouldn't count and curse VAWA for applying to it.
2013-02-28 11:22:41 PM
2 votes:

Yogimus: Why the hell would you watch a man beat a woman, when you could ACT?


And do...?

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the photographer is not Ronda Rousey. But if you have better information about her capabilities, feel free to offer them up.
2013-02-28 11:22:13 PM
2 votes:

GoSurfing: was just trying to shed a different light on the angle you approached it from


There are exceptions to every rule, and there are genuinely nice guys out there who have, in fact, been mistreated by the women they've known.

The difference between those guys and internet "nice guys" is that genuine guys understand that they've known some bad women - not that all women are bad.  And they recognize that the reason those women were shiatty wasn't because they were nice, but because those particular women were BAD WOMEN.

And they don't rush into threads on domestic violence to biatch that ALL WOMEN totally do this to themselves because ALL WOMEN are so stupid and love being abused and not treated nicely like nice guys would treat them.  Stupid women.
2013-02-28 11:17:12 PM
2 votes:
Good on her for leaving.
2013-02-28 11:13:37 PM
2 votes:
Throw the book at this a-hole, but jeez lady, you immediately shacked up with a tatted ex-con straight out of prison that you barely knew who is 11 years your elder and has no marketable skills while deciding to bring your had-em-while-you-were-a-child-yourself offspring along and didn't think there would be any volatility?
2013-02-28 11:13:21 PM
2 votes:
timethemoment.files.wordpress.comdoubtfulnews.com
2013-02-28 11:12:05 PM
2 votes:

zabadu: StrangeQ: KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.

She was 19 with a four year old and a two year old; I don't think she is exactly a paragon of good decision making.

She's still a kid, and he got her when she was lonely and mad at the father of the two kids for going away to Afghanistan and leaving her to deal.  The prison guy paid attention to her (by phone), told her how much better he would treat her and she bought it.  She doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand how life really works.

Now she knows, and I'll bet she damn well appreciates the father of her kids.  I, in no way, blame her for the other guys violence, as violence is unacceptable in any relationship, and I'm sorry she had to learn the lesson the hard way.  Some women never do.  I hope like hell she remembers when times get rough again.

I taught my nieces that you have to KNOW you can take care of yourself on your own before you get yourself involved in a relationship - so if something happens you know you can take care of yourself and not be afraid to leave.  And of course to stay away from guys like this.

If she had a kid at 15, I'm pretty positive that parental attention was something she missed out on for a long time.


You nailed it right there. She left her husband and father of her children because she was probably tired of her life with her husband and she wanted someone that could physically and emotionally be there for her at all times the way she wanted them to be. Instead she found this guy. This is what emotionally immature people do. At least she had the sense to leave this guy when he put his hands on her instead of staying with him thinking it would be a one time thing.

And even though she went back to her husband, I doubt there marriage will last very long. When she puts herself back together again, she will be off again to find another person who can fulfill her needs the way she wants them to.
2013-02-28 11:09:29 PM
2 votes:
t.qkme.me
2013-02-28 11:05:16 PM
2 votes:

GoSurfing: Flippity flop, so what you previously said doesn't matter. Got it.


Actually, I just restated my point.  Believe it or not, women consider being thought of as not-really-human to be a huge insult and not some kind of glowing awesome compliment. It means the woman is INFERIOR, no matter how shiny.
2013-02-28 11:02:41 PM
2 votes:

you are a puppet: JerkStore: I'm definitely not OK with this. I don't care what you call yourself, photojournalist, when a woman is being beaten in front of you, YOU FARKING DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE HER. You don't keep snapping pictures hoping to document...whatever it was you were trying to document. It's not a secret that women are beaten, yet you let it happen right in front of your eyes, never mind the children who will be royally farked up from these experiences.

Fail on so many levels. But at least you got some great shots and some buzz about your "important" work.

Fark you.

In other words you wanted to see two women beaten that night.


Glad to see he read the article and saw there were two more people in the house at the time.
2013-02-28 10:59:16 PM
2 votes:
"Shane moved Maggie and her children to a trailer park in Somerset, Ohio. The location was farther away than Maggie had ever been from her family and friends before, and she said her feelings of isolation only increased over time."

I think that was the dirtbag's motive the whole time.

i45.tinypic.com
2013-02-28 10:57:14 PM
2 votes:
The main problem with the VAWA, apart from the name, is that is has been used as a pre-emptive strike in numerous divorce cases.  Most judges and magistrates will grant a protection order against a man based solely on a woman's testimony that she is afraid for her safety or that of her children.  This includes cases when there has been NO domestic violence. "He yelled at me and he owns a gun" is all it takes. Once the guy is out of the home, good luck for him getting custody/visitation or control of the real estate.  There have been too many BS cases filed under VAWA.  For the cases like the one in the article it is a godsend but it has been tremendously abused and I blame my legal colleagues in large part for that.
2013-02-28 10:54:45 PM
2 votes:
That speaks volumes about the quality of that woman that was attracted to that ex-con... and also about the female photographer who was most probably attracted to him initially... while completely ignoring the father of the kids who is paying child support for that skank to endanger his kids by having that ex con around...
2013-02-28 10:47:48 PM
2 votes:

A Terrible Human: BummerDuck: I obviously _could_ be wrong, but that gives me the conclusion that SHE had the power to get rid of him at any time. She chose not to, and so I only feel sorry for the kids for having an idiot for a mother, and potentially for the dad.

Quantum Apostrophe: Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.

/Your screen name wasn't just randomly selected, was it.

My father didn't drink,do drugs or have any tattoos yet he managed to beat my mom,sister and me for the first 14 years of my farking life. He threatened to beat my mom and me to death over child support. Take your nice guy bullshiat and cram it up your ass and farking die. You don't realize how bad shiat can get if you haven't lived through it.


I'm really sorry you have gone through that. And for those that are curious, about 50% of my cases looked just like this.

/20 months, more than 1,000 cases.  I learned a lot, and cried a lot on Thursdays
// Thursdays were new case evaluation dates
/// If you haven't had to deal with this, be grateful, don't be an asshole, even if this is Fark
2013-02-28 10:46:43 PM
2 votes:

Brostorm: Listen, someone has to say it.  These are trash people making horrible decisions. She put herself in this situation, 2 kids, 20 years old dating a convicted felon with no prospects.  Was he a piece of human garbage?  Absolutely.  The problem is she knew that already, long before the inevitable happened.


Why did it take this long for someone to say this?? I was thinking the SAME thing! The only people I felt sorry for in that scenario were the kids.
2013-02-28 10:45:58 PM
2 votes:
And a moment to thank the corrections officers who will have to deal with this dirtbag...
2013-02-28 10:42:10 PM
2 votes:
Listen, someone has to say it.  These are trash people making horrible decisions. She put herself in this situation, 2 kids, 20 years old dating a convicted felon with no prospects.  Was he a piece of human garbage?  Absolutely.  The problem is she knew that already, long before the inevitable happened.
2013-02-28 10:38:31 PM
2 votes:

Yogimus: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

Link the act, specifically the portions you support.  I find "acts" that have feelgood names are more often than not complete bullshiat that do little to solve the issues they are named after.  Is beating a woman legal? No? Then why more laws? What is the benefit?


/50% snark, 50% curiosity.  Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.


From my own experience, here is what VAWA has done for Houston, Texas:

Funded programs for peace officers (police, sheriff) to understand how to approach domestic violence cases, how to gather evidence, and how to talk to the victims  -- which leads to victims getting the help they need to get out

Funding to train prosecutors on how to prosecute these cases, especially since most of them involve a victim who is unwililng to testify or who has recanted due to family pressure

Funding for a kick-ass prosecutor I had the privilege to work for and social workers I got to work with who met with victims, got them the help they needed and also paid for us to get them protective orders so they have a chance to start their lives over
2013-02-28 10:34:49 PM
2 votes:
Maybe it's just my "survivor's paranoia", but what disturbed me more was the disproportionate amount of attention he lavished on the little girl.  Good on her for leaving that douchenozzle and starting over.  shiat like that never ends well when they stay together.
2013-02-28 10:32:13 PM
2 votes:

StrangeQ: serial_crusher: The incredible thing is that you think people are normal, but can never really tell.  If this family can fall apart, is anyone safe?

Honestly.  I would have thought someone covered head to toe in tattoos would be a perfectly sane and stable individual.


And fresh out of prison....
2013-02-28 10:30:10 PM
2 votes:

serial_crusher: The incredible thing is that you think people are normal, but can never really tell.  If this family can fall apart, is anyone safe?


Honestly.  I would have thought someone covered head to toe in tattoos would be a perfectly sane and stable individual.
2013-02-28 10:29:28 PM
2 votes:
I guess I took this a little different than most. Felt bad for the kids, but what the fark do you expect from a tattooed freak of a felon?

She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The story left unsaid is what happened to the father? I wonder if he was denied custody of the kids because he is male? Well, I'm sure his money was paying for everything. Poor bastard, now his kids are screwed up for life.
2013-02-28 10:28:03 PM
2 votes:
Seeing this makes me very grateful to have the father I do.

Sure, I got spanked a few times (by Mom once or twice), but only after other things didn't work, and never after about the age of 6.  He never hit my mother.  Sure, Dad was gone a lot sometimes, but the Army does that to families.  Still, he managed to only miss one Christmas, and that's when he was stuck in Bosnia, and I was in college, not a little kid.  He taught me to shoot and to enjoy the outdoors.  Yesterday, I got an email inviting me to join him on a fishing trip to the backwoods of Canada this summer.  I hope I can go.
2013-02-28 10:27:04 PM
2 votes:
FTA : I intended to paint a portrait of the catch-22 of being a released ex-convict: even though they are physically free, the metaphorical prison of stigma doesn't allow them to truly escape.


Turns out the problem wasnt the stigma after all.
2013-02-28 10:26:52 PM
2 votes:
He looks like he masturbates to Nascar.
2013-02-28 10:26:45 PM
2 votes:
That neck tattoo is the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
KIA
2013-02-28 10:25:49 PM
2 votes:
Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.
2013-02-28 10:23:16 PM
2 votes:

what_now: He doesn't understand why she cares more sour her children than she cares about him?


Maggie would often say that she could sense the competition between Kayden and Shane

Should have been her first indication to run like hell.
2013-02-28 10:23:13 PM
2 votes:

Aar1012: Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.


Well, two points. 1) the photographer is a woman, submitter, and 2) she is a student at Ohio University, and so, judging by the reaction of this thread, is working on illuminating the poverty and social problems just outside the Athens city limits. There are students from OU who care and contribute to the community and its issues. And, admittedly, thousands who drink themselves silly on Court Street Thursday through Saturday.
2013-02-28 10:22:06 PM
2 votes:

moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.


I've done quite a few CPOs in my career as well.  It's almost a 50/50 split between this kind of heartbreaking stuff and people who want to file a BS pre-emptive strike for divorce purposes.  I wish I had photographic evidence like this in more cases.
2013-02-28 10:16:29 PM
2 votes:

A Terrible Human: At least the someone called the cops and she left. Imagine shiat like that going on almost every night for years.
/I'm gonna go cry in a corner now.


I was impressed as hell that the cops did that - and for those who are curious, that is, in part, what VAWA pays for - training police on how to handle these situations so help can happen BEFORE she/he has been beaten/stabbed/shot to death.

/still wish they'd change the name of the law
2013-02-28 10:06:50 PM
2 votes:
Cowardly shrimp dicked motherfarker needs to be beaten with a sack of doorknobs
2013-02-28 09:36:35 PM
2 votes:
"I was fortunate that the responding officers were well educated on First Amendment laws and did not try to stop me from taking pictures".

I see the convict isn't the only one throwing punches in this article.
2013-02-28 08:53:17 PM
2 votes:
He doesn't understand why she cares more sour her children than she cares about him?
2013-03-01 08:53:27 PM
1 votes:

imfallen_angel: zabadu: I'm 52 years old. I have never been in an abusive relationship. I have had friends that have been.

I don't profess to know anything other than this was real, not staged (he got arrested folks, and I posted proof of that), people get angry to the point where they see nothing else that matters (go study "rage"), and guys who pretend they are cops are usually f-d up (see above macho posts).

Reality TV has made people horribly cynical to real life situations. If you know of any seriously mature 15 year olds that could raise a family with the same mindset a 30 year old would, please tell. This girl is 19. And she gets blamed.

At first I was...

[i478.photobucket.com image 218x150]


Then I was

[i478.photobucket.com image 300x200]

Then you make me think that since you believe yourself all smart and crap and others are busting your bubble, that you must be...

[i478.photobucket.com image 461x576]


And you wonder why your girlfriend was violent?  You're a gigantic baby.

"Someone doesn't agree with my carefully researched agreement about how a man can hit a woman because he feels abandoned when she leaves him standing in a bar.  Waaaahh!
img src=imageshack.us
2013-03-01 05:38:58 PM
1 votes:

Virtuoso80: zabadu: imfallen_angel: zabadu: Everything isn't a reality show. I venture you're no more than 25 years old. You've never seen someone get into an anger zone that makes everything except their target disappear. You will.

I wish I was 25 again, you're not even close... , and if you had bothered to read my other posts, you'd have a clue about the fact that I was in an abusive relation myself, and I've seen more than you could possibly imagine, helped many through some, and studied it quite in detail to get an understanding of this part of human nature and why I went through so much, my role in it, etc.

So while I don't want to sound rude, just keep your uneducated opinion, thank you.

I did read your other posts, and based your age off your pseudo photos.  You still don't get it.

Given that this is the second person you've used age and immaturity as an argument tool against in the past 10 posts, I'm not sure we're the only ones with issues.


I'm 52 years old.  I have never been in an abusive relationship.  I have had friends that have been.

I don't profess to know anything other than this was real, not staged (he got arrested folks, and I posted proof of that), people get angry to the point where they see nothing else that matters (go study "rage"), and guys who pretend they are cops are usually f-d up (see above macho posts).

Reality TV has made people horribly cynical to real life situations.  If you know of any seriously mature 15 year olds that could raise a family with the same mindset a 30 year old would, please tell.  This girl is 19.  And she gets blamed.
2013-03-01 05:08:35 PM
1 votes:

Molotovcat: To those who keep saying "she had it coming because she wanted a bad boy" this girl is 19. She had her first child at 15 which is still being a kid. Can all of you assholes who lambast her remember what you were like at 15 and can you suddenly imagine having to care for another human being? Yes she's made bad decisions, clearly, but I can't imagine not having a shred of empathy for someone else in this situation. If y'all are telling me that you've never made a bad decision before, or gotten hurt, or abused or been in a bad spot, then you are a farking liar.

And to the "nice guys" WHAT THE HELL?! Why did you even have to jump into this thread? Are you kidding me? That's like jumping into a pedophile thread and going "Hey at least I'm not that asshole, someone should give me an award for not raping kids". You don't beat women? Bully for you, you're not the worst person in the room. Stop comparing yourself to rapists, murderers and abusers and start I don't know...actually being a nice farking guy. Also a pro tip if you think a woman deserves to get abused because she fell for someone who took advantage of her and then beat her, you're not a nice person or a nice guy.


I love you.
2013-03-01 04:46:00 PM
1 votes:

serial_crusher: The incredible thing is that you think people are normal, but can never really tell.  If this family can fall apart, is anyone safe?

[timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 735x490]


If you are referring to the house's appearance - it is not theirs.
2013-03-01 04:30:33 PM
1 votes:

Bender The Offender: DittoToo: Bender The Offender: Yogimus: I am the farking police.

You are a farking liar. No police officer would advocate 3rd parties insert themselves into assaults, that's a great way to increase a victim count and get arrested. I've been arrested for intervening when a young guy was beating and robbing an old guy in a parking lot (with witnesses and security footage to that affect) and I was arrested. Every mother farker, from the arresting officer, to the magistrate, to the DA and judge told me I should not have physically got involved. The case was Nolle Pros, but that didn't matter, because I still had to deal with the bullshiat of getting arrested and fingerprinted and posting bail, and going to court. You're bullshiat and dishonest advice is a great way to get arrested. Just stop with the farking internet tough guy bullshiat. You're a farking liar.

Would you do it again?

Of course, I'm not going to let someone get killed in front of me without trying to stop it. I'm also a pretty healthy guy with military and self-defense background. I'm not a 100 pound woman confronting a raging ex-con psychopath and I'm not going to put others down for choosing not to get involved in a volatile situation that they didn't feel they could handle. As I said, every person I came into contact with because of that instance told me I should never have gotten involved physically. The police, the lawyers, the judge, every single one of them acknowledged that what I did was the right thing morally but that didn't stop them from arresting and charging me. My point is 2 fold. 1, dude is lying about being a cop. Cops are not going to tell you to pile on more victims during an assault and 2, not everyone has the appropriate training in self defense to safely intervene in a situation like that. You have to put your safety first. If we follow the idiot cop impostor's line of reasoning, all of those times that my paramedic team waited for police to clear a scene after shots fired, we we ...


I'm in agreement with you.  I fight as a hobby...in a ring... and I've sat through an armed robbery and was called a pussy afterward because I didn't try to tackle a guy with a gun on the other side of the room.  He wasn't shooting anyone.  He had the money, which wasn't mine, and was heading to the door.  There was nothing to be gained by putting my life and others at risk yet I was still a pussy.  I'm 99.9% positive I could have taken the guy if I could have gotten to him and 100% positive he would have shot me before I got within striking range.  He was captured by the police 3 days later.  They were already looking for him before the robbery I witnessed and, yes, in those cases people had been injured.
2013-03-01 02:52:10 PM
1 votes:
It's very hard to feel sorry for white trash that get themsleves into these predicaments!!!  Come on!  They weren't dating but she visited him IN JAIL!!!!  Then they started dating after he got released!!!!  Oh, he's a GREAT CATCH!!!  Way to go stupid!!!  He needs to hit her again just for good measure and make sure she's got the stupid knocked out of her!!!
2013-03-01 02:36:23 PM
1 votes:

GoSurfing: Freudian_slipknot: megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I think most of them focus on the "nice" thing because they have to work SO HARD to be a decent human towards women, who they clearly actually think are sub-humans or uninteresting or otherwise unworthy of friendship, that all they can think of is the sheer wasted effort that went into treating them like people, only to receive little or no sex in return.

Guys who treat women like actual people by reflex rather than design don't consider themselves to be particularly "nice guys."  Like you said, they're just guys.  Guys who don't actually hate women.

/bet the guy in the article considers himself a nice guy
//would tell you all about the biatches who left him for no reason for some other asshole

Not to defend the supposed "nice guys", but from what I know it's the inverse. They don't work so hard to be decent towards woman because they think women are sub-human. You're approaching it from the opposite angle. The "nice guys" have to work so hard because the women they want are <i>super</i> human, i.e. unobtainable and out of their reach. The "nice guys" come from the point of inferiority, not superiority to the women. Pretty damn simple.


That is a very good point.  I admit that I was once one of these "nice guys".  After dating many girls and being friendzoned almost every time, I realized that my lack of confidence in myself was what drove these girls away.  Women don't like bad guys more than nice guys, they like confident men and sometimes those confident men are douche, sometimes they're nice guy.
2013-03-01 01:54:35 PM
1 votes:

FarkAllPoliticians: Ok.... Kept telling myself I wouldn't post this but here goes. abbreviated CSB: Dad respected in the community, mom stayed married to him 20+ years, beatings, guns pulled, verbal and mental abuse... Mom finally divorces him in '78 (me 10, older brother 14, younger sister 7) Moves us 1600 miles away in '79 because she realized that it would just continue even with the divorce. Fast forward WAY to many years.... Married to a wonderful woman (that puts up with my crap) and we have three amazing kids that I am awed by every single day. Every time I feel that I am about to Lose my temper I stop and remember the terror when I saw my father on top of my mom choking her and my older brother (11years old) with a shotgun pointed at my fathers head....... Well the cycle of abuse CAN be broken. And all it takes is self awareness, the will to do better and realizing that the only people that truly have your back in this world are dearly loved friends and family. The question I always had was: why would you abuse the only people in this world that would accept you for who you are, no matter what?!?!


Similar story. A main reason why I waited until I was in my 40s before having a kid, the idea of repeating my father's mistakes just weighed too heavily.
Karma caught up to him, thankfully. He was dead for 2 weeks before anyone noticed, and that was only because of the smell. Died alone, unloved.
Who the fark can hit someone weaker, anyhow? I mean, how much of a coward do you have to be?
2013-03-01 12:46:05 PM
1 votes:
2013-03-01 12:30:22 PM
1 votes:
This woman has a pretty good breakdown of the events.
The images of the fight itself are arresting and disturbing, but Lewkowicz does more than bear witness to domestic violence. She also chronicled the entire process of domestic violence and how an abuser sets up the opportunity to beat his partner. I thought it might be a useful exercise to go through these photos (with links, because I don't have the rights to the pictures) and explicate the steps an abuser goes through in order to manipulate the victim into accepting abuse.
2013-03-01 12:17:57 PM
1 votes:
I see he was making good life decisions after getting out of prison.  Neck tats... just like buying a finely tailored suit for that important job interview.

img.fark.net
2013-03-01 11:57:38 AM
1 votes:

Onkel Buck: shortymac: if_i_really_have_to: wickedragon: Yay for army dad! Gets his kids back :D

Army dad who got his girl pregnant at 15 and 17.  Highly likely to be emotionally immature.  Probably in the army because he was otherwise unemployable.  Yeah I'm sure he's a paragon of humanity.

Yay army dad, because if he's the army he must be good.  There are no violent, abusive trash in the infantry.  Oh wait, the DV rate in the military is more than four times that of the civilian population.

Abused women tend to go from one abuser to another.  Just saying.

Sadly this is the first thing I thought.

There's no place for a young man in this day and age if he isn't college or trade material, the only option left is army. Thanks to the Iraq and Afgani wars the standards dropped as well so it's a clusterfark.

I hope this chick doesn't turn out like my cousin, jumping from guy to guy and completely relying on him for support so she doesn't have to work. She has the mental maturity of a 19 year old and she's 36. It's sickening to watch. Thankfully, I don't ever believe she or her kids have ever been abused because they would have ended up in the Delaware river.

/Daddy issues is my best guess

As a vet I have to take some offense to some of your comment. Yes there are some real slaprocks in the military, I served with a lot of them, but at least it gave them a place to go and something to do, that may not sound all that great but at least they were doing something moderatly productive. I had a technical job while I was in reparing missile systems. I got out 13 years ago and have done everything from telecom to R&D for flat panel TV screen manufacturing which included lasers, I now work in robotics. So there are a few of us that werent ready for college so we went in the military. I think I ended up alright. I really enjoy the fact that I got to spend my 20s in Europe rather than in a classroom. And as far as infidelity goes in the military it is rampant. I saw a lot of it when I ...


I didn't mean to offend, like any organization the Army has it's decent guys and assholes, it's good and bad sides. Infidelity and emotional immaturity (married at 19 FFS) is what caused my cousin's young marriage to her High School sweetheart to fall apart, sadly with a kid in tow. There was a lot of shiat like this among her army peers at Fort Bragg.

It can be a great career choice if you're willing to work and learn. Hell the Salutiorian of my high school class is doing some secret electronics stuff in Germany and will make bank when he gets out.
2013-03-01 11:08:03 AM
1 votes:

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: He looks like he masturbates to Nascar.


That laugh was not something I was expecting from this thread.
2013-03-01 10:42:52 AM
1 votes:

dennysgod: [i.imgur.com image 610x629]

I'm sorry, but with a neck tattoo there's little chance this would end happily.

/do disagree with the lower arm in red in this pic, but for the most part it's spot on.


================

Having tats on your forearms means you will never have a real job?   I know a cop who had full sleeves on both arms.

/It isn't what you know, it's who you know.
2013-03-01 10:33:43 AM
1 votes:

bunner: Let's cut the sh*t once and fer all on all of this "women only like jerks" and "nice guys never get a chance" crap.

Of course some women like jerks.  It's vanity.  They're not in that relationship to be with that guy.  They're in that relationship to prove to themselves that they can "tame" him, straighten him out and so she can tell her BFFs all about how "oh, he has a temper but I can wrap him around my finger if I want to".  Cause she's good enough.  She's got the goods.  She can ride that tiger and give as good as she gets!  Woo.  And that's nice.  So, hey nice guys?  You really want somebody like that that in your life?  Who sees  relationships in that way?  No.  You don't.

Now then, guess how many shallow meatheads want a Barbie doll or a shrew or both because "oh, hey, you know she's the boss! Yeah, she keeps me in line! Heh heh"  Nudge wink.  Guess how many of them are "nice guys".  A lot.  And both of these sort are cut from the same cloth.  And we can only hope they find each other.  But it's not the point.  Desirable man does not equal slab o' beef with a mean streak any more than desirable woman is one who has a hot ass and a stick up it or the word "welcome" embossed on her back.  So it seems that a lot of this boo hooing about "nice guys never getting the hot girl" and "there's just no good men" is a load of horesesh*t from people who ever never managed to or bothered to sit down next to somebody and actually shoot the sh*t with them long enough to find out if THEY LIKE WHO THAT PERSON IS.  Cause that's the point.

So if you want to waltz through your whole life wondering why that size 8 doesn't fit your size 10 foot or looking for somebody to read the other half of the movie script you etched in stone that shall be your love life, well, GREAT.  But shut the f*ck up about it when nobody is quite oppressive or disposable enough to read their lines to your liking.  Cause that ain't love, that's dress up.  And even if you hit paydirt, you'll get bored sh*less with not having anything to complain about. Love isn't just staring into each other's eyes longingly for hours on end.  It's wonderful, but it's just the frosting.  The cake is being able to sit out and look at the world together and see the same view.  There is an ass for every seat, but stop trying to sell yourself people who don't need to be with who they see you as.  It's pointless.  The day you are ready to find love is the day that you stop givin' a William or Nilliam f*ck as to what your friends, mommy, daddy or people at work will think of them because you're too busy getting ready for what promises to be a really wonderful adventure for two.  Let the trophy hunters play by their own idiot rules.  Yeah, even the victims, the lunkheads, the shallow cows and the nice guys.  Be better.  Try smiling more.  People are attracted to happy people. Seriously. The chip on your shoulder or the bug up your ass is barbed wire.


You. I like you.
2013-03-01 10:22:24 AM
1 votes:

schatz: Anyone know of resources (online or otherwise) for people who were abused by a partner?  Please note, this Farkette is uninsured.  This thread reminds me of all the unresolved shiat I never addressed.  Being told 'I must have liked it' is the worst, most farking ignorant thing someone can say.

Learning what 'boxing someone's ears' meant was the worst, especially when they do it out of nowhere half a dozen times in one night. Ugh.

/moonscatter?
//it was just last year


Wow, I am so sorry that you dealt with idiots. There are lots of free counseling and other services available to victims of domestic violence. I know; I am myself. If you want to it may be easier to discuss in email rather than posting everything, if not I understand. It is really easier to find by state, even easier by city. Here in Pierre, for example, is Missouri Shores. Lots of resources.

/EIP if you want some links to various services
//truly hope that you find people who are not so dumb... deserved it... damn that pisses me off
2013-03-01 10:13:43 AM
1 votes:
Funny how white trash always find cash for tats, piercing, booze and smokes but find buying food for the kids challenging.
2013-03-01 08:56:34 AM
1 votes:

schatz: I know FARK is not usually the forum for this sort of post, but I had a hard time with the photo of him chocking her, because my ex choked me a few times, and it was farking terrifying.  The shiat is, I was not raised in an abusive home.  White, Protestant middle-class suburban upbringing.  Strong mom.  Said ex was the only violent one, the rest were lambs.  I didn't think it could happen to me: I was educated, and thought if some guy EVAR tried to hit me, I'd go all GI Jane and kick his ass before kicking him to the curb.  I still can't understand why the hell I put up with several violent incidents before finally leaving when I was being choked again, but from behind with a bread knife scraping across my collarbone.  I still cross my fingers hoping my mom will never notice the scar.


Glad you survived.  Hope God or karma or whatever gets your ex, or he sees the error of his ways and gets some help.

Peace to you
2013-03-01 08:41:26 AM
1 votes:

Tat'dGreaser: Thunderpipes: In the modern age, where information is everywhere, I have to ask what kind of modern woman would take being abused even once. This is not the 50's where you have nobody to go to. Women do not grow up today ignorant about the world. Why would a woman think getting to know a guy in prison, then dating and being with him is a good idea? Why?

Guys so the same thing, get whipped, have no spine, are miserable and to wuss to do anything about it, so it is not just women. Lots of people who are just maybe weak and scared.

Are you trolling or are you always this f*cking retarded?


My points are perfectly valid, you liberal little Cretin. Answer the question. Tell me why Mrs. Saucy Pants went to the prison dating website, why she thought that was a good idea.
2013-03-01 08:09:12 AM
1 votes:

Onkel Buck: If you ladies ever ask yourself where all the good guys are, they are right where you left them, in the "Friend Zone"


I try not to stick around that long after being friendzoned.  If that "nice guy" is still where you left him, he's probably a wimp.
2013-03-01 07:20:44 AM
1 votes:

StrangeQ: KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.

She was 19 with a four year old and a two year old; I don't think she is exactly a paragon of good decision making.


If proper sex ed had been done in High School, she might have had a different life.
2013-03-01 06:51:40 AM
1 votes:
What an amazing witness for the Lord. Such a godly young man.
2013-03-01 05:16:35 AM
1 votes:

HBK: Nice guys- here's a simple flow chart

Are you at all sexually interested in this woman?

IF NO- it's okay to be nice and do favors for her. She's your friend, just like your male friends. There's not supposed to be any sexual tension here.

IF YES- be amicable, but do not be her friend. Do not do any favors for her. Do not sit on the phone listening to her talk about her boyfriend "Look, I don't have time for this." Do not drive her to the airport. Don't go see Sex in the City 3 with her. Make your intentions known from the offset. She knows whether or not she wants to date or have sex with you fairly soon after meeting you. You aren't going to trick a girl into liking you. She If she has a boyfriend, ignore her until she doesn't. If you become her lap dog and do favors for her, you are in the friend zone. You're the kinda creepy guy that she knows has a crush on her but she has absolutely no interest in dating. If a girl spurns your advances, game's up- ignore her and move on. There are literally dozens of women out there that would probably date you. At the outset of a potential relationship, women don't want men who are willing to do everything for them. They want men who have a back bone and who are willing to say no to their stupid requests. Tell her you're busy even if you just want to sit around and watch futurama. Not being at her beck and call will get you laid more than being there for her.

Once you've landed a few actual girlfriends or sexual encounters, you can adjust the strategy a little bit.


Too many men take 'have a back bone' to mean 'be an asshole', so this becomes bad advice for them.

I say keep it simple: Don't worry about should/shouldn't. Don't follow fake behavior advice. Like her? Tell her. Don't deliberately brush her off artificially because some guy told you to. If you want to listen to talk about her boyfriend, then do that. If you don't (and you probably don't), then tell her that - that's the point, it should come from the fact that you don't enjoy it, not because you're reading off a behavior script.
2013-03-01 04:38:59 AM
1 votes:
Why is the goofy cop in here asking someone else if he'd "jerk off to the lady being beaten"?

Is that the way a cop is supposed to be?
2013-03-01 01:51:37 AM
1 votes:

dmax: And yet there's always some smartass telling me I'm wrong when I say this:

People that are convicted of severe violent crimes should be sterilized and not allowed to create more children. Men or women. they've abdicated from their option to raise helpless little tablas rasa. It would be right for our society. Scenarios like this only reinforce what I've known since I was very very young.

Violent people make poor parents.


Forced sterilization is a form of violence perpetrated by the state. If violent people make for poor parents, how much more so does a violent state make for a poor nation?
2013-03-01 01:29:19 AM
1 votes:

moonscatter: Abox: moonscatter: she was never at fault.

In that you can't blame a person for their own stupidity?

He assaulted her. He failed kindergarten. No, a victim is NOT at fault for the assault committed on them. It falls squarely and completely on them.

If she had any fault, then wow, maybe he shouldn't be criminally charged, right? Maybe she should recant, or work on getting the charges dismissed, I mean, after all, being almost murdered was her fault for not loving him enough, right?


wo/Man, I understand and agree with a great many of your posts, but your turn toward the hyperbolic illuminates as much wrong with these laws as your other posts show how necessary and right they can be /:
2013-03-01 01:26:16 AM
1 votes:
These are stupid pathetic people.  I really don't care which one of them attacks the other.

Terrible Old Man: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Wow, really? You think an overweight, unemployed, single mother with obvious low self-esteem and no options with 2 kids has choices in her love life? Why the hell did you think she was relegated to prison men?

You're as disgusting as the abuser is.


You're forgetting about that one big option she did have, and opted out of: to not have kids until she was able to care for them.  Overweight?  Tough titties.  Low self esteem?  Tough titties.

If you can't even deal with a weight problem or your own self esteem issues than you certainly are in no position to be creating babies.
2013-03-01 01:14:44 AM
1 votes:
www.webackmac.com
2013-03-01 01:05:02 AM
1 votes:

Ihaveanevilparrot: My dad could go from happy and joking, to me saying the smallest thing that he disliked, and fly into that same position of rage as the guy in the article. There was no right or wrong way to act around him that would stop it; his mood changed daily.


My mom was "mercurial" like that too when I was young. I usually felt like I was on guard around her. She's still that way to some extent, but it's a lot less terrifying when you're an adult.
2013-03-01 12:46:07 AM
1 votes:
The little girl had far more courage than the photographer.
2013-03-01 12:44:14 AM
1 votes:
Twenty bucks says she leaves the ex-husband within three months for another retarded loser.

And she takes the kids with her again.
2013-03-01 12:35:12 AM
1 votes:
Tip for Shane:  You have a criminal record.  You have no job.  Getting more tattoos is not going to help that situation.

Tip for Maggie:  You're not the Messiah.  Shane, however, is a very naughty boy.  Prison time + tattoos + no job = run.
2013-03-01 12:31:52 AM
1 votes:
"White Trash" tattoo down left and right rib cage.... Hmmm, if that doesnt generate a "Danger, Will Robinson" sound in a woman's head, I dunno what will.
2013-03-01 12:30:40 AM
1 votes:

lokidecat: Theaetetus: It was so important of you to throw in that first clause, huh? Can't resist that little smug dig?

Look: what he did is inexcusable. I don't think she deserved it one bit. But how we select our mates is a big part of the end result. She had an idea of who he was when she met him. He snowed her with the "i'm a changed guy" bit without a doubt and maybe played to some of her insecurities.

Again, she doesn't deserve it... but that was a red flag from day one.


Jesus Christ, this.

I've read a few folks jumping down anyone's throat who dares criticise the woman in this story.  She didn't deserve to be roughed up by an asshole and NOBODY IS SAYING THAT.  However, 20 yrs old, 2 children, estranged (and i wanna know the story there, too) husband who is the father of said kids.   This woman has made some poor decisions in her life as well.   Some very stupid ones if they landed her living with this jack off....


The f*cker boyfriend is scum, but she chose to live with him.  An ex con who can't get work.  She made this choice.  For herself and her children.   The white knights in here need to accept she made some poor choices in life.   She's damn lucky she got out of this alive, much less not seriously hurt (or her children).
2013-03-01 12:29:33 AM
1 votes:

al's hat: I don't think I want to know more about your life unless things significantly improve.  :(


It significantly improved after I married another walking sack of scar tissue.   We cut off all ties to the people we knew, which never stopped them from trying to drag us back into their various dramas but we have avoided it almost entirely for 16 years.

We almost pass for normal on our good days now :)
2013-03-01 12:26:21 AM
1 votes:

TV's Vinnie: [timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 517x341][doubtfulnews.com image 465x364]


IMHO, either of these primates would be perfectly OK with tearing my face off...

/ scary
2013-03-01 12:14:14 AM
1 votes:

Freudian_slipknot: I think most of them focus on the "nice" thing because they have to work SO HARD to be a decent human towards women, who they clearly actually think are sub-humans or uninteresting or otherwise unworthy of friendship, that all they can think of is the sheer wasted effort that went into treating them like people, only to receive little or no sex in return.


Or, to look at it another way, if your selling point is that you're a nice guy, that's a little like trying to sell a car by asserting that it has wheels.
2013-03-01 12:13:47 AM
1 votes:

orclover: I know waaaay too many women like her.   In my life I would almost call her typical.  Yes my life has been described as "farked up" by outside "normal" people.


Are you, too,  part of the "you can't possibly know/have seen that much farked up stuff because we don't want to believe..." club?
2013-03-01 12:09:45 AM
1 votes:
Worldwalker


GoodOmens: Surprised no one's commented on the fact that this couple would argue over money yet had a huge ass TV in their living room.

Priorities I guess - poor kids.

It's not their living room.

They were staying at a friend's house for a week.


Also, if you know anything about recent technology, that is not recent technology. I bet that TV is at least 10 years old.
2013-03-01 12:09:44 AM
1 votes:

Theaetetus: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

 Hey, guys, we've got a sociopath in the thread. Make sure you update your farkies.


I already had him down from homophobia and general "jerkiness" in other threads.  It's amazing how often misogyny and homophobia go hand-in-hand.
2013-03-01 12:09:17 AM
1 votes:
There are so many terrifying things about this, one of them being that this is the sort of young woman that the GOP would like to completely prohibit from having an abortion, or access to birth control, so she'd end up with even more children, in even worse poverty and despair.

/cuz Jesus
2013-03-01 12:08:35 AM
1 votes:

al's hat: GoodOmens: Surprised no one's commented on the fact that this couple would argue over money yet had a huge ass TV in their living room.

Priorities I guess - poor kids.

Scumbag probably stole it...not a money issue.


Not their T.V, she was staying with somebody at the time of them hooking up.  She ran away from her ex-bf for unknown reasons and away from Alaska (who can blame her) and moved in with her (sister I think).  Not her house.  She's probably a HS dropout since she has 2 kids starting at 15.  Obviously a long list of poor life choices ending with hooking up with a felon who aparently has a boner for her 2 year old and wants beat up her 4 year old.
I know waaaay too many women like her.   In my life I would almost call her typical.  Yes my life has been described as "farked up" by outside "normal" people.
2013-03-01 12:05:47 AM
1 votes:

GoodOmens: Surprised no one's commented on the fact that this couple would argue over money yet had a huge ass TV in their living room.

Priorities I guess - poor kids.


It's not their living room.

They were staying at a friend's house for a week.
2013-03-01 12:02:56 AM
1 votes:

Just_a_Bear: been there, got out.


csb
2013-02-28 11:50:30 PM
1 votes:

ongbok: [timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 850x566]

This thread rocks!


here's a hint ladies:
if they have tons of prison tats, DONT TALK TO THEM. RUN THE FARK AWAY
2013-02-28 11:45:25 PM
1 votes:
great photos, terrible headline

"A fascinating (and heartbreaking) look through a photographer's lens as he chronicles one couple's descent in domestic violence "

Sorry, but he has been in prison most of his life and she has been abused since she was very young.
So it chronicled only one of the most recent phases of their never ending trip through abuse.

/yes, I didnt bother reading the article, but I would bet my life and everything that I own, that she has been abused most of her life and gotten little or no treatment for it.
2013-02-28 11:42:38 PM
1 votes:

2wolves: Yogimus: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

Link the act, specifically the portions you support.  I find "acts" that have feelgood names are more often than not complete bullshiat that do little to solve the issues they are named after.  Is beating a woman legal? No? Then why more laws? What is the benefit?


/50% snark, 50% curiosity.  Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.

Helping to stop "Rape Tours" of reservations.

No, I'm not joking.


Rape, murdering, and stealing that which isn't fought hard enough for

moonscatter: Slam1263: moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.

How many men did you help?

No one believed me until I was in the hospital with a bullet in me.

Only had to shoot me once, and I was out of there.

SpdrJay: Dysfunction Junction....what's your function?

I'm still mad DJ went behind a paywall, so let's not rub salt into the wounds.

Egoy3k: The guy is a cock, but I can't help be feel sorry for him as well. He's just too flat out stupid to control his emotions. It's not like he set out to be a terrible human being. Alcohol, lack of an education, unresolved emotional issues and just plain stupidity are a bad mixture.

Valid point, I was raised in a very poor area, and there were only three kinds of men, those that wanted better, those that thought crime was easier, and the apathetic. Oh the dozen kids I ran around with, the five girls are all still alive, a couple are just barely alive, me, and one other guy are still kicking around.

I helped quite a few -- I was really lucky to work with an amazing group of social workers who helped me put together cases. The hardest part with cases where the men were being abused was to get them to come to court. They just would NOT testify.

I think the one that broke my heart the most, and was still so glad I got, was a man who was in his 60's who was being abused by a 20 year old girlfriend. In public, it was like Hugh Heffner ...


Much better, I have 3 DV arrests on my record, because it is almost always the man's fault, and I was threatened with never seeing my kids again, but after the shooting, and thank God her alibi fell through, a senior deputy came in and apologized because they had never believed me.

It's a good thing attitudes are changing.
2013-02-28 11:38:07 PM
1 votes:

starrion: I am actually physically sick. I have never heard of this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-h i gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0">http://www.nytimes.com/2012/0 5/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-hi gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0

I mean WTF? How the hell is this tolerated? WHY HASN'T THIS BEEN DEALT WITH BEFORE?

RAPE TOURS?!! How about NO!


=========
I hope nobody really is tracking my Google searches.
I typed in the keywords "rape" "tour" "reservations".
2013-02-28 11:33:46 PM
1 votes:
You'd think a guy with facial tattoos would have it more together.
2013-02-28 11:33:26 PM
1 votes:

Yogimus: Theaetetus: Yogimus: Why the hell would you watch a man beat a woman, when you could ACT?

And do...?

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the photographer is not Ronda Rousey. But if you have better information about her capabilities, feel free to offer them up.

Here is the thing (and the photographer would have no way of knowing this)

1. Abusive people are farking cowards. No, seriously... not because they abuse, but because of the pattern they develop
2. They train their victim for MONTHS prior to that 1st beating, to make sure they are dependent enough to not leave
3. They need to build up the courage to beat their victim.  See #1. This takes time.
4. When the beating occurs, it is almost sexual in its catharsis.
5. A variable introduced into this equation with fark it all up for the abuser.
6. Seriously.. how can you just WATCH?!


Well, gosh, Sparky, maybe since the photograph had no way of knowing any of that, that's why she didn't jump in? At least you admit that your criticism was unfounded.
2013-02-28 11:33:16 PM
1 votes:
So, she left the soldier hubby when he was deployed because Mr Rock'n'Roll would give her bad boy thrills....and we're supposed to feel sorry for her? I feel sorry for her kids, certainly and her ex-husband, but she seems like a fool.
2013-02-28 11:31:00 PM
1 votes:

Ihaveanevilparrot: Via Infinito: I love how ignorant people were giving the photographer a bunch of shiat for not "intervening" in the assault.  Maybe she didn't want to get choked out too? She's a f*cking photographer, not a UFC fighter.

I've made a point to never get involved in a "domestic dispute" with people I don't really know. Family or close friends only, where I know both people well, know their mentality and reactions, and I have a better chance of de-escalating the situation

Taking sides can make the abuser more violent for one, not to mention half the time the woman starts taking the mans side and gets aggressive toward you for not minding your own business.



Seriously, call the cops first.

Not 6 months ago I was sitting in a park and ride, getting ready to start my car, when a young woman runs by screaming. And that's not something you see everyday in Bellevue.

I stupidly got out of the car and saw a guy grab her, so what does Slammy do?

Get's in the middle. Of course the guy wants to fight he's pissed, she screaming and crying, a dozen other assholes are just watching. He wants to fight.

All I can think of saying is; Do you know what this looks like?

The guy, and I am so glad he was Asian, suddenly looked absolutly shocked.

He started to say he was only trying to get her back in the car.

I told him it only looked to me like some guy was trying to drag a screaming woman into a car.

His attitude changed, if there was rock he would have crawled under it.

She called her family, I gave him my number if he wanted to talk about it later, because yes, we men really don't talk about this kind of crap with others, and we should.

He went his way,  a group of kids hanging out finally came over and offered to wait with her until she was picked up.

Me, I got the hell out of there.

No fisticuffs, no hard ass noise, just a little bit of experience with dumb young males, I am a former Marine, I was young and dumb, and everyone went home verticle.

Honestly, I bet she goes back to him, and she said this has happened before, next time, I hope they do it in another state so I don't have to hear about it.
2013-02-28 11:28:02 PM
1 votes:

Theaetetus: Reading comprehension problems, or a belief that a threat must actually include physical damage? Either way, you're wrong.


I'll blame the wine for my lack of reading comprehension.  But if you think having your rights and property taken away based on uncorroborated testimony is appropriate then I think you're wrong.  The idea behind the VAWA is fantastic, the problem is that it HAS been abused.  There is no question that this has happened. As I said earlier, I blame our colleagues.  As a family law and criminal defense attorney, I have seen it too many times to remain neutral.  If there's a real problem, physical or not, then prosecute the criminal case.  Don't bring it as a half-assed civil case.
2013-02-28 11:26:42 PM
1 votes:

moonscatter: debug: moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.

No, it's really not the same at all.

I've watched a three year old little girl beat a barbie doll into losing it's limbs because of watching daddy put mommy in the hospital. when you actually have watched something like this, then you can make such an idiotic statement. until then STFU


So you think seeing a parent have their windpipe crushed is the same as them having their own windpipe crushed?  Sounds like you're the idiot.  I don't think anyone would argue that it's not trumatic for the child, but it's not the same as actual physical violence at all.
2013-02-28 11:24:26 PM
1 votes:
the only sad part of this story is that those poor kids don't stand a chance.
2013-02-28 11:23:09 PM
1 votes:

Ihaveanevilparrot: Anyway, point being, lack of tattoos and being "nice" in public, doesn't = nonabuser.


Yep.  Dude in TFA doesn't have money, connections and probably has worse impulse control than "normal" looking dudes.

There's plenty of educated, employed white collar guys in very nice houses who beat their wives, kids and girlfriends too.  They just wait until everyone leaves, or make sure that the abuse is verbal, or psychological, or in areas that don;t leave marks.  If they do lose control they have contacts and influence to sweep things under the rug.
2013-02-28 11:20:19 PM
1 votes:

lokidecat: She made bad decisions of course, but nobody deserves to be mistreated.


It was so important of you to throw in that first clause, huh? Can't resist that little smug dig?
2013-02-28 11:18:17 PM
1 votes:

Anderson's Pooper: Theaetetus: You realize that domestic violence can include yelling, right? It doesn't necessarily require someone to get beaten.
Basically, you're arguing that the main problem with VAWA is that you can't be emotionally abusive and threatening without getting in trouble.

If no one's health or life is actually threatened, then a CPO is NOT appropriate.  People should not be removed from their home because of something that might happen.  If you want out of the relationship, file for divorce and custody.  If you or the kids have been actually physically abused, THEN get the CPO.  The problem with the VAWA is that it allows CPOs to be granted based solely on one party's testimony. If you want him out of the house then have him arrested and follow through on it.  Hopefully you'll never yell at your partner so you won't risk being forcibly removed from your home.  There is a vast difference between arguing and abuse.


Anderson, for most states, a protective order is not available if the verbal abuse stops short of creating a reasonable fear of assault or rape. (ie: calling someone b's and h's isn't enough),. Using that language is definitely something that can affect the underlying custody case, but should not necessarily bar a parent from access to their child or home.

The home thing is a bit weird, because you get into who actually  owns the home/is on the lease and is so subject to local laws and rules I won't even comment

/made the mistake of becoming a lawyer
// don't make the mistake of thinking I am *your* lawyer
///slashies!
2013-02-28 11:16:10 PM
1 votes:
I can see how a mother of 2 children, being alone, with no income would latch onto anyone that would be able to possibly help. But look at this guy, in and out of prison his whole life, covered with prison tats from head to toe, obviously of low intellect and no future, and she is surprised that he resorts to physical violence during a argument, and that his persona is like that of a child, demanding her attention, and not understanding why she needs to spend more time with her toddlers. This was just horribly sad, but it was obvious that it would head that way. Feel sorry for the children, they are the true victims of circumstance and bad life choices.
2013-02-28 11:15:32 PM
1 votes:

dr_blasto: Abox: moonscatter: she was never at fault.

In that you can't blame a person for their own stupidity?

In that it isn't her fault he can't stop kicking her ass or breaking the law. It is his fault for crossing that line and his fault alone. Sure, she made the mistake of hanging out with a douchebag, but the penalty for that should not be an ass kicking in front of your kids.


It's amazing that this has to be explained to alleged adults on Fark.
2013-02-28 11:15:17 PM
1 votes:

moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.


No, it's really not the same at all.
2013-02-28 11:15:11 PM
1 votes:

Anderson's Pooper: Theaetetus: You realize that domestic violence can include yelling, right? It doesn't necessarily require someone to get beaten.
Basically, you're arguing that the main problem with VAWA is that you can't be emotionally abusive and threatening without getting in trouble.

If no one's health or life is actually threatened, then a CPO is NOT appropriate.'


Reading comprehension problems, or a belief that a threat must actually include physical damage? Either way, you're wrong.
2013-02-28 11:13:45 PM
1 votes:

Yogimus: sendtodave: Yogimus: sendtodave: That's not her job.

Bullshiat. That's everyone's job.

Their criticism counters what actual law enforcement officers have told me - that physically intervening would have likely only made the situation worse, endangering me, and further endangering Maggie.

No, it isn't.

Puck you. You are a piece of shiate if you accept another human being get beaten in front of you. No excuse, you are a farking coward for watching without acting.  Is there risk? Yes. Man up, grow a pair of ovaries, whatever it takes.


[watchout_badassoverhere.jpg]
2013-02-28 11:13:24 PM
1 votes:

Theaetetus: You realize that domestic violence can include yelling, right? It doesn't necessarily require someone to get beaten.
Basically, you're arguing that the main problem with VAWA is that you can't be emotionally abusive and threatening without getting in trouble.


If no one's health or life is actually threatened, then a CPO is NOT appropriate.  People should not be removed from their home because of something that might happen.  If you want out of the relationship, file for divorce and custody.  If you or the kids have been actually physically abused, THEN get the CPO.  The problem with the VAWA is that it allows CPOs to be granted based solely on one party's testimony. If you want him out of the house then have him arrested and follow through on it.  Hopefully you'll never yell at your partner so you won't risk being forcibly removed from your home.  There is a vast difference between arguing and abuse.
2013-02-28 11:13:22 PM
1 votes:

starrion: /50% snark, 50% curiosity. Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.

Helping to stop "Rape Tours" of reservations.

No, I'm not joking.


WTF is a 'Rape Tour'? Although something tells me I am really not going to like the answer.




Here's an article that mentions it.
TWX
2013-02-28 11:12:04 PM
1 votes:

moonscatter: Abox: moonscatter: she was never at fault.

In that you can't blame a person for their own stupidity?

He assaulted her. He failed kindergarten. No, a victim is NOT at fault for the assault committed on them. It falls squarely and completely on them.

If she had any fault, then wow, maybe he shouldn't be criminally charged, right? Maybe she should recant, or work on getting the charges dismissed, I mean, after all, being almost murdered was her fault for not loving him enough, right?


Two wrongs don't make a right.

She can be at fault while he's at fault and her fault does not excuse his.

Her fault is that her life choices led her to being a mother at fifteen, a mother for a second time at seventeen, and somewhere in that, married and now estranged from that husband (and I wonder if estranged just meant that she couldn't handle his military deployment), and shacked up with a convict that she became acquainted with while he was still in prison.  This man is just one more in a series of bad decisions that she has made.  Certainly it's rough that she lost a parent while still a child herself, but she's past the point of being able to cite entirely outside influences as to why things are the way that they are.

I hope, for the sake of her kids, that this served as a significant enough of a wakeup call that she'll actually make some changes in her life.  Changes like learning that one doesn't need a significant-other if there's no suitable significant-other available.  The kids are probably better off growing up fatherless than they are growing up with horrible examples.
2013-02-28 11:08:19 PM
1 votes:
These threads always make me feel like hugging a lot of you. Curse this digital divide...
2013-02-28 11:06:55 PM
1 votes:
timethemoment.files.wordpress.com

/farking TERRIFYING
2013-02-28 11:05:52 PM
1 votes:

sendtodave: megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I could be wrong. I could just have encountered these observations because I have made less-than-good decisions in my life rendering them obviously skewed and expected, but it sure doesn't seem that way.

I like the "I'm a guy" kind of guy. If they specify (and insist) that they are nice or talented or super-easy-going or whatever... it's automatic Opposite Day in my head.

My girlfriend (now fiancee) said that she liked me because I was nice.  I told her immediately that, no, I am an asshole, too, just like all guys.

Then I work to prove her right, and me wrong.

But I don't want to be on a pedestal, shouting "oh, look at me, I'm so nice, better than everyone else!"  Because that's bullshiat.


I am the opposite of an expert, but you're doing it right.
2013-02-28 11:05:52 PM
1 votes:

Yogimus: sendtodave: That's not her job.

Bullshiat. That's everyone's job.


Their criticism counters what actual law enforcement officers have told me - that physically intervening would have likely only made the situation worse, endangering me, and further endangering Maggie.

No, it isn't.
2013-02-28 11:05:26 PM
1 votes:
I grew up in a similar house (despite my parents being well-educated professionals and non-drinkers). I really feel for those kids, fark.
2013-02-28 11:04:53 PM
1 votes:

A Terrible Human: My father didn't drink,do drugs or have any tattoos yet he managed to beat my mom,sister and me for the first 14 years of my farking life. He threatened to beat my mom and me to death over child support. Take your nice guy bullshiat and cram it up your ass and farking die. You don't realize how bad shiat can get if you haven't lived through it.


My dad did drugs, but appeared normal to everyone other than very close family members. No tattoos, background in sales, business owner, very nice and charismatic to customers, new friends, strangers, unless they acted like an asshole themselves.

Yet he was mentally abusive to me and my mom ever since I can remember, even before the drug problem. Luckily very little hitting, but that wouldn't have made the situation much worse for me *shrug*. I never minded being hit much, but the years of mental abuse took a huge toll.

Anyway, point being, lack of tattoos and being "nice" in public, doesn't = nonabuser.

And I've known plenty of tatted up people who have done jailtime, that would NEVER hit a woman. A few that were actually jailed for PROTECTING a woman they didn't even know, by beating the crap out of her abuser when he took to beating up on her in public.
But the law doesn't look kindly on breaking a guys legs, even if it is for a good cause. :\
And unfortunately the abuser will probably take that out later on his wife or g/f as somehow her fault.
2013-02-28 11:04:04 PM
1 votes:

moonscatter: gja: serial_crusher: "found jesus in prison"

Wow. Even he got busted?
DAY-UM!

I seriously had a running joke about a "pastor of the week" being a respondent in a protective order case. Even had one asshole state that "demons made me do it" and tried to elicit testimony from the victim that demons were real. Utterly bizarre.


Thank you for your service.
2013-02-28 11:00:10 PM
1 votes:

Brostorm: These are trash people making horrible decisions. ... Was he a piece of human garbage? Absolutely.


you are a puppet: shes trash. She let that dude be around her kids and now they will probably grow up to be trash too. Circle of trash


Who could believe this is the same guy with TRASH tattoed down his left side (#24)
2013-02-28 10:57:29 PM
1 votes:

Aar1012: Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.


Yes, domestic violence is the fault of college kids...

/rolls eyes
2013-02-28 10:57:25 PM
1 votes:
19, 2 kids named memphis and kayden, dating some tattoo felon freak. shes trash. She let that dude be around her kids and now they will probably grow up to be trash too. Circle of trash
2013-02-28 10:53:55 PM
1 votes:

gja: serial_crusher: "found jesus in prison"

Wow. Even he got busted?
DAY-UM!


Um... yea? Do you think he volunteered for that whole cross thing?
gja [TotalFark]
2013-02-28 10:52:06 PM
1 votes:

serial_crusher: "found jesus in prison"


Wow. Even he got busted?
DAY-UM!
2013-02-28 10:51:54 PM
1 votes:

Yogimus: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

Link the act, specifically the portions you support.  I find "acts" that have feelgood names are more often than not complete bullshiat that do little to solve the issues they are named after.  Is beating a woman legal? No? Then why more laws? What is the benefit?


/50% snark, 50% curiosity.  Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.


The minute you ask, "Does it work?", you stop being on the Left.
2013-02-28 10:49:07 PM
1 votes:

Quantum Apostrophe: A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?

Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.

/Your screen name wasn't just randomly selected, was it.


Unrelated: creepy guys are usually the most innocuous. And nice. And hot.
2013-02-28 10:47:54 PM
1 votes:

ReapTheChaos: So, the photographer just stood there the whole time snapping photos  while both parties act oblivious to her presence then the dude beats the shiat out of his wife while someone snaps pics?

Bullshiat.


How can I tell that you A. didn't read the article and B. didn't read the thread?
2013-02-28 10:47:50 PM
1 votes:

BummerDuck: A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?

Shane was unemployed, therefor not the provider. Looks like they had nice stuff, so she must have been paying for it.

I obviously _could_ be wrong, but that gives me the conclusion that SHE had the power to get rid of him at any time. She chose not to, and so I only feel sorry for the kids for having an idiot for a mother, and potentially for the dad.

If only we had some island we could put people like Shane...to be with his own kind...we could call it Australia?


Do people bother reading any of the text in the linked articles or is that not what the cool kids do?  Shane, the tattooed freak, is not the father of her two children.  Her estranged Army husband in Alaska is the father.
2013-02-28 10:44:46 PM
1 votes:

A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?


Thanks, I was about to comment on this, too.
2013-02-28 10:40:01 PM
1 votes:

BummerDuck: I guess I took this a little different than most. Felt bad for the kids, but what the fark do you expect from a tattooed freak of a felon?

She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The story left unsaid is what happened to the father? I wonder if he was denied custody of the kids because he is male? Well, I'm sure his money was paying for everything. Poor bastard, now his kids are screwed up for life.


Father is stationed in Alaska in the Army.  My guess would be she got custody of the kids since there's no chance she could be deployed anywhere.  Now she's back in Alaska with him, because at least that's better than getting beat up by some tattooed freak.
2013-02-28 10:40:00 PM
1 votes:
19 y/o and she has a 4 y/o? Wow. Not that he's an angel, for sure.

Sad tag fits. Too well.
2013-02-28 10:38:14 PM
1 votes:
When I saw the picture that serial_crusher posted the only thing I could think of was "I wonder what this guy saw growing up?".

He is an emotional infant himself, and was likely on the receiving end of everything we saw him doing from his first day. I suggest reading up on Borderline Personality Disorder. We can see the symptoms in their entire relationship, seriously, Google BPS and read up on it, then go back through that slideshow.

It's called "Borderline" because it's borderline schizophrenia and comes from horrific abuse as a child.

He should be pitied...and in prison for the rest of his life. He'll never be better, he'll never be able to get his shiat together. He is a feral animal and always will be. Forever.
2013-02-28 10:30:27 PM
1 votes:

Yogimus: and foremost: fark that dude.

2nd, if she goes back, fark her too, and take the kids. The 1st time its not your fault, every single time after that IS.


Biological father has a basis in most states to actually seek termination of her parental rights based on her exposing the kids to this. And I'd gladly argue it for him.
2013-02-28 10:29:39 PM
1 votes:
been there, got out.
2013-02-28 10:24:18 PM
1 votes:

Anderson's Pooper: moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.

I've done quite a few CPOs in my career as well.  It's almost a 50/50 split between this kind of heartbreaking stuff and people who want to file a BS pre-emptive strike for divorce purposes.  I wish I had photographic evidence like this in more cases.


Me, too.

Thankfully, we were very selective about the cases we took - and as part of the DA's office, we could not take any cases where a divorce action had been filed.

And omg yes on the photographs, although I could usually find enough idiocy  between text messages, facebook and twitter to make my point to the judge.

/the few cases that fell apart on testimony? I dismissed them right in front of the judge.
// too many people needed real help for me to mess around with people out for "revenge"
2013-02-28 10:23:57 PM
1 votes:

NuttierThanEver: Cowardly shrimp dicked motherfarker needs to be beaten with a sack of doorknobs

2013-02-28 10:19:41 PM
1 votes:

Bob Falfa: Aar1012: Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.

Ohio is in the South East now? When did it move?


The OP (Bob) is talking about South Eastern Ohio. It's really part of the alleghenies and has most all of the same problems and benefits of living in places like eastern Kentucky or West Virginia.
2013-02-28 10:14:27 PM
1 votes:
At least the someone called the cops and she left. Imagine shiat like that going on almost every night for years.
/I'm gonna go cry in a corner now.
2013-02-28 10:10:13 PM
1 votes:
Yep.  Horrific.  Glad she got out; hope she and her kids stay away from that poisonous shiat in the future.  That little girl trying to put herself between her mom and that man... telling her mom it would be okay... ugh.
2013-02-28 09:24:39 PM
1 votes:

whistleridge: Deslidified


Thanks for that, I can finally see them
2013-02-28 07:18:27 PM
1 votes:
That made me too sad to make any snark about the names of the kids.
2013-02-28 06:59:22 PM
1 votes:
wow...
 
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