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(Time)   A fascinating (and heartbreaking) look through a photographer's lens as she chronicles one couple's descent in domestic violence   ( lightbox.time.com) divider line
    More: Sad, domestic violence, Ohio University  
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30814 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Feb 2013 at 10:06 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



583 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-02-28 06:59:22 PM  
wow...
 
2013-02-28 07:18:27 PM  
That made me too sad to make any snark about the names of the kids.
 
2013-02-28 08:08:54 PM  
Sounds interesting, if only the pics would load
 
2013-02-28 08:23:04 PM  
At first I was thinking, "so many pics, really?" Then I was hooked. Horrific.
 
2013-02-28 08:38:07 PM  
Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.
 
2013-02-28 08:40:09 PM  
 
2013-02-28 08:53:17 PM  
He doesn't understand why she cares more sour her children than she cares about him?
 
2013-02-28 09:02:44 PM  
I love how ignorant people were giving the photographer a bunch of shiat for not "intervening" in the assault.  Maybe she didn't want to get choked out too? She's a f*cking photographer, not a UFC fighter.
 
2013-02-28 09:12:21 PM  
Holy shiat. Honestly the slideshow delay caused me to actually think about what as going on.

/why it's a little dusty in here all of a sudden
 
2013-02-28 09:24:04 PM  
Wow.

I, uh... I'm gonna go hug my wife and kid now.
 
2013-02-28 09:24:39 PM  

whistleridge: Deslidified


Thanks for that, I can finally see them
 
2013-02-28 09:25:38 PM  
The thing that choked me up was the little girl trying to intervene and get in between the two.  No thought for herself, just trying to protect her mum.  Kids are capable of some pretty amazing stuff when they have to.
 
2013-02-28 09:31:09 PM  
Maggie and Shane's courtship was brief but intense. Shane called her everyday from prison, and upon his release, they began to date.

timethemoment.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

One month into their courtship, Shane had Maggie's name tattooed on his neck in large black letters.




I'm not a big fan of blaming the victim, but come on now.  This was hardly an unexpected development.
 
2013-02-28 09:36:35 PM  
"I was fortunate that the responding officers were well educated on First Amendment laws and did not try to stop me from taking pictures".

I see the convict isn't the only one throwing punches in this article.
 
2013-02-28 09:48:49 PM  

jim32rr: whistleridge: Deslidified

Thanks for that, I can finally see them


There really should be a standard Fark protocol now, where the admins deslide a link if the submitter doesn't. Or barring that, the first TFer to comment automatically deslides.
 
2013-02-28 09:51:26 PM  
"Shane had been trying to make a career as a singer in a Christian rock band".

Now there's a good solid career plan, 'cause those guys are just swimming in money.
Especially the ones with prison tattoos. It makes them seem more... wholesome.
 
2013-02-28 09:56:39 PM  

Aar1012: Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.


Ohio is in the South East now? When did it move?
 
2013-02-28 10:06:50 PM  
Cowardly shrimp dicked motherfarker needs to be beaten with a sack of doorknobs
 
2013-02-28 10:10:13 PM  
Yep.  Horrific.  Glad she got out; hope she and her kids stay away from that poisonous shiat in the future.  That little girl trying to put herself between her mom and that man... telling her mom it would be okay... ugh.
 
2013-02-28 10:11:22 PM  

TommyymmoT: "Shane had been trying to make a career as a singer in a Christian rock band".

Now there's a good solid career plan, 'cause those guys are just swimming in money.
Especially the ones with prison tattoos. It makes them seem more... wholesome.


It's the redemption thing. But yeah, not a good plan.
 
2013-02-28 10:11:29 PM  
That was really hard to look at, so much so that I stopped and closed the window.  Then started again. Women where ever you are remember that these men are in jail for a reason do not go out with them.
 
2013-02-28 10:13:08 PM  
Well that was brutal.
 
2013-02-28 10:14:08 PM  
I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.
 
2013-02-28 10:14:23 PM  
Kinda boring ... needs a Milkman, a priest, a 10 year old boy and his older brother BIlly.

/Already have the triple loser with some blue tattoos and a drunk temper that was easy to lose.
 
2013-02-28 10:14:27 PM  
At least the someone called the cops and she left. Imagine shiat like that going on almost every night for years.
/I'm gonna go cry in a corner now.
 
2013-02-28 10:14:52 PM  
Dysfunction Junction....what's your function?
 
2013-02-28 10:15:06 PM  

TommyymmoT: "Shane had been trying to make a career as a singer in a Christian rock band".

Now there's a good solid career plan, 'cause those guys are just swimming in money.
Especially the ones with prison tattoos. It makes them seem more... wholesome.


That so completely ties into the whole idea of "I can't  make it without you, baby, you are the only one who understands me/can help me/redeem me" that I saw waaay too much of in the 280th.
 
2013-02-28 10:16:29 PM  

A Terrible Human: At least the someone called the cops and she left. Imagine shiat like that going on almost every night for years.
/I'm gonna go cry in a corner now.


I was impressed as hell that the cops did that - and for those who are curious, that is, in part, what VAWA pays for - training police on how to handle these situations so help can happen BEFORE she/he has been beaten/stabbed/shot to death.

/still wish they'd change the name of the law
 
2013-02-28 10:17:00 PM  

Bob Falfa: Aar1012: Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.

Ohio is in the South East now? When did it move?


Just, you know, if you missed it.
 
2013-02-28 10:17:12 PM  

Thisbymaster: That was really hard to look at, so much so that I stopped and closed the window.  Then started again. Women where ever you are remember that these men are in jail for a reason do not go out with them.


This.  Bad boys are not the answer.  The man with a healthy dose of Fark-It-All and the patience to let the goblins get close before stomping their guts out is the man you want.  Anybody can be a punk.  Not everybody can be a man.  Pick the man.
 
2013-02-28 10:18:58 PM  
The incredible thing is that you think people are normal, but can never really tell.  If this family can fall apart, is anyone safe?

timethemoment.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
2013-02-28 10:19:16 PM  

Smeggy Smurf: Thisbymaster: That was really hard to look at, so much so that I stopped and closed the window.  Then started again. Women where ever you are remember that these men are in jail for a reason do not go out with them.

This.  Bad boys are not the answer.  The man with a healthy dose of Fark-It-All and the patience to let the goblins get close before stomping their guts out is the man you want.  Anybody can be a punk.  Not everybody can be a man.  Pick the man.


Don't make the mistake of assuming that "bad boys" are the only ones who commit violence. I've prosecuted pastors, law students, medical doctors, rich, poor, in-between.... this is an issue that crosses every societal barrier you care to name.

I actually worry that this will emphasize domestic violence as being a poor people problem, because it isn't
 
2013-02-28 10:19:41 PM  

Bob Falfa: Aar1012: Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.

Ohio is in the South East now? When did it move?


The OP (Bob) is talking about South Eastern Ohio. It's really part of the alleghenies and has most all of the same problems and benefits of living in places like eastern Kentucky or West Virginia.
 
2013-02-28 10:20:22 PM  

whistleridge: Deslidified


Bless your heart.
 
2013-02-28 10:20:33 PM  
People (women especially) think they can "save" the other person. We have all seen it before.  This woman was 19 and had 2 kids, so I doubt if it was raining men for her.  At least she had him arrested and pressed charges. If she had allowed him to talk her out of the arrest, she would have been on Fark long ago as another homicide.

That article was a tough read.


/I think it's time to pray for her and a better future.
 
2013-02-28 10:20:33 PM  
Wow. Extremely hard to look at, especially if one were to be familiar with that territory.

Good to see someone getting out of something like that.

And that little girl is either going to be extremely farked up or extremely awesome. Maybe both.
 
2013-02-28 10:21:47 PM  

serial_crusher: The incredible thing is that you think people are normal, but can never really tell.  If this family can fall apart, is anyone safe?

[timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 735x490]


See just change out the guy and place but keep the same rage in it and that could be a picture of a childhood memory of mine. It's the rage,not the appearance.
 
2013-02-28 10:22:06 PM  

moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.


I've done quite a few CPOs in my career as well.  It's almost a 50/50 split between this kind of heartbreaking stuff and people who want to file a BS pre-emptive strike for divorce purposes.  I wish I had photographic evidence like this in more cases.
 
2013-02-28 10:22:21 PM  

TommyymmoT: "Shane had been trying to make a career as a singer in a Christian rock band".

Now there's a good solid career plan, 'cause those guys are just swimming in money.
Especially the ones with prison tattoos. It makes them seem more... wholesome.


"found jesus in prison" is probably a good schtick for a Christian rock musician.  There's a certain amount of their intended audience for whom that is true, but lazy parents might buy it for their kids as an attempt to combine Scared Straight with good old Christian values.
 
2013-02-28 10:23:13 PM  

Aar1012: Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.


Well, two points. 1) the photographer is a woman, submitter, and 2) she is a student at Ohio University, and so, judging by the reaction of this thread, is working on illuminating the poverty and social problems just outside the Athens city limits. There are students from OU who care and contribute to the community and its issues. And, admittedly, thousands who drink themselves silly on Court Street Thursday through Saturday.
 
2013-02-28 10:23:16 PM  

what_now: He doesn't understand why she cares more sour her children than she cares about him?

Maggie would often say that she could sense the competition between Kayden and Shane


Should have been her first indication to run like hell.
 
2013-02-28 10:23:57 PM  

NuttierThanEver: Cowardly shrimp dicked motherfarker needs to be beaten with a sack of doorknobs

 
2013-02-28 10:24:18 PM  

Anderson's Pooper: moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.

I've done quite a few CPOs in my career as well.  It's almost a 50/50 split between this kind of heartbreaking stuff and people who want to file a BS pre-emptive strike for divorce purposes.  I wish I had photographic evidence like this in more cases.


Me, too.

Thankfully, we were very selective about the cases we took - and as part of the DA's office, we could not take any cases where a divorce action had been filed.

And omg yes on the photographs, although I could usually find enough idiocy  between text messages, facebook and twitter to make my point to the judge.

/the few cases that fell apart on testimony? I dismissed them right in front of the judge.
// too many people needed real help for me to mess around with people out for "revenge"
 
2013-02-28 10:24:47 PM  
Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

The dude is an obvious scumbag.  A few more years of anal rape in prison will give him food for thought.

I have zero empathy for either one of these people.
 
KIA
2013-02-28 10:25:49 PM  
Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.
 
2013-02-28 10:26:07 PM  
Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.
 
2013-02-28 10:26:43 PM  
The guy is a cock, but I can't help be feel sorry for him as well. He's just too flat out stupid to control his emotions. It's not like he set out to be a terrible human being. Alcohol, lack of an education, unresolved emotional issues and just plain stupidity are a bad mixture.
 
2013-02-28 10:26:45 PM  
That neck tattoo is the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
 
2013-02-28 10:26:52 PM  
He looks like he masturbates to Nascar.
 
2013-02-28 10:27:04 PM  
FTA : I intended to paint a portrait of the catch-22 of being a released ex-convict: even though they are physically free, the metaphorical prison of stigma doesn't allow them to truly escape.


Turns out the problem wasnt the stigma after all.
 
2013-02-28 10:27:50 PM  

JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

The dude is an obvious scumbag.  A few more years of anal rape in prison will give him food for thought.

I have zero empathy for either one of these people.


You are an idiot. This is admittedly a rather ... stereotypical version of domestic violence, but she was never at fault. He attempted to kill her by choking (and if you think i am full of it, take a look at hyper-conservative Texas' penal code - assault on a family member is a misdemeanor unless it is by choking - then it is a FELONY).

There is only one place blame belongs in this case, and that is on the guy in this relationship. (And it is not always the guy, I've gotten protective orders for guys against women)
 
2013-02-28 10:27:54 PM  
Off to watch another episode of 'the legue' and cuddle my girlfriend. This weekend we work out then have dinner at bob Evans. I love our lameness.
 
2013-02-28 10:27:56 PM  
Having a niece the same age as that toddler, the thought of the child having to intervene and comfort her mother during and after that kind of violence makes me physically ill.
 
2013-02-28 10:28:02 PM  
and foremost: fark that dude.

2nd, if she goes back, fark her too, and take the kids. The 1st time its not your fault, every single time after that IS.
 
2013-02-28 10:28:03 PM  
Seeing this makes me very grateful to have the father I do.

Sure, I got spanked a few times (by Mom once or twice), but only after other things didn't work, and never after about the age of 6.  He never hit my mother.  Sure, Dad was gone a lot sometimes, but the Army does that to families.  Still, he managed to only miss one Christmas, and that's when he was stuck in Bosnia, and I was in college, not a little kid.  He taught me to shoot and to enjoy the outdoors.  Yesterday, I got an email inviting me to join him on a fishing trip to the backwoods of Canada this summer.  I hope I can go.
 
2013-02-28 10:29:14 PM  

KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.


I know this REALLY awesome rich doctor. He'll treat you "just like family." He's incredibly wealthy, having patented a surgical procedure for carpal tunnel cases. His name is Michael Brown and he's looking for a new love. You should check him out.
 
2013-02-28 10:29:28 PM  
I guess I took this a little different than most. Felt bad for the kids, but what the fark do you expect from a tattooed freak of a felon?

She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The story left unsaid is what happened to the father? I wonder if he was denied custody of the kids because he is male? Well, I'm sure his money was paying for everything. Poor bastard, now his kids are screwed up for life.
 
2013-02-28 10:29:39 PM  
been there, got out.
 
2013-02-28 10:30:10 PM  

serial_crusher: The incredible thing is that you think people are normal, but can never really tell.  If this family can fall apart, is anyone safe?


Honestly.  I would have thought someone covered head to toe in tattoos would be a perfectly sane and stable individual.
 
2013-02-28 10:30:27 PM  

Yogimus: and foremost: fark that dude.

2nd, if she goes back, fark her too, and take the kids. The 1st time its not your fault, every single time after that IS.


Biological father has a basis in most states to actually seek termination of her parental rights based on her exposing the kids to this. And I'd gladly argue it for him.
 
2013-02-28 10:30:44 PM  

moonscatter: she was never at fault.


In that you can't blame a person for their own stupidity?
 
2013-02-28 10:31:16 PM  

Thisbymaster: Women where ever you are remember that these men are in jail for a reason do not go out with them.


So the reason the US has such an astronomically high incarceration rate compared to other countries is because there's more evil people there? Never judge anyone so easily.

Plenty of other things about this guy send off warning alarms. The way he acted at the end confirmed my suspicions he was a sociopath. Women should really learn the signs of that more than anything else.
 
2013-02-28 10:31:23 PM  

JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

The dude is an obvious scumbag.  A few more years of anal rape in prison will give him food for thought.

I have zero empathy for either one of these people.


Careful now...

You are absolutely correct considering the vast majority of stories such as this, but every so often...a guy that seems extremely nice and normal has an extremely dark and hidden side.

Not typical, but it happens.
 
2013-02-28 10:31:28 PM  
I'd hit it.
 
2013-02-28 10:32:08 PM  
And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.
 
2013-02-28 10:32:13 PM  

StrangeQ: serial_crusher: The incredible thing is that you think people are normal, but can never really tell.  If this family can fall apart, is anyone safe?

Honestly.  I would have thought someone covered head to toe in tattoos would be a perfectly sane and stable individual.


And fresh out of prison....
 
2013-02-28 10:32:25 PM  

JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve. They reject the "nice" guy.


You sound nice.
 
2013-02-28 10:32:43 PM  

BummerDuck: I guess I took this a little different than most. Felt bad for the kids, but what the fark do you expect from a tattooed freak of a felon?

She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The story left unsaid is what happened to the father? I wonder if he was denied custody of the kids because he is male? Well, I'm sure his money was paying for everything. Poor bastard, now his kids are screwed up for life.


This is a very typical case in some ways. Batterers (male and female) tend to be incredibly charismatic. They convince their future victim they have some special trait that will provide that "thing" that will turn their lives around and make them better people.

And the violence runs in cycles, sometimes with very long "honeymoon" cycles that really convince people to endure these relationships because they really want to "save" someone.
 
2013-02-28 10:33:04 PM  

KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.


She was 19 with a four year old and a two year old; I don't think she is exactly a paragon of good decision making.
 
2013-02-28 10:33:16 PM  

JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.


Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.


BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".


The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?
 
2013-02-28 10:33:21 PM  

Lee451: People (women especially) think they can "save" the other person. We have all seen it before.  This woman was 19 and had 2 kids, so I doubt if it was raining men for her.  At least she had him arrested and pressed charges. If she had allowed him to talk her out of the arrest, she would have been on Fark long ago as another homicide.

That article was a tough read.


/I think it's time to pray for her and a better future.


The immensely irritating thing for me is that my sister's the exact same way. She's currently got a relationship with this idiot who's a friend of a friend and is currently serving 10 years for child rape (*he* tells her he's taking the rap for his brother who slept with his just shy of AoC girlfriend). I've occasionally when she's here put on episodes of American Dad and whatnot to non-verbally show her what her life is going to be like if she stays with this idiot, but it never seems to sink in about all the going door to door and saying "Hi, I'm a registered sex offender and won't you be my neighbor?" crap.
 
2013-02-28 10:34:04 PM  
Damn.  Just... damn.
 
2013-02-28 10:34:18 PM  

Abox: moonscatter: she was never at fault.

In that you can't blame a person for their own stupidity?


He assaulted her. He failed kindergarten. No, a victim is NOT at fault for the assault committed on them. It falls squarely and completely on them.

If she had any fault, then wow, maybe he shouldn't be criminally charged, right? Maybe she should recant, or work on getting the charges dismissed, I mean, after all, being almost murdered was her fault for not loving him enough, right?
 
2013-02-28 10:34:49 PM  
Maybe it's just my "survivor's paranoia", but what disturbed me more was the disproportionate amount of attention he lavished on the little girl.  Good on her for leaving that douchenozzle and starting over.  shiat like that never ends well when they stay together.
 
2013-02-28 10:35:32 PM  

TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.


Link the act, specifically the portions you support.  I find "acts" that have feelgood names are more often than not complete bullshiat that do little to solve the issues they are named after.  Is beating a woman legal? No? Then why more laws? What is the benefit?


/50% snark, 50% curiosity.  Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.
 
2013-02-28 10:36:43 PM  

Jixa: Maybe it's just my "survivor's paranoia", but what disturbed me more was the disproportionate amount of attention he lavished on the little girl.  Good on her for leaving that douchenozzle and starting over.  shiat like that never ends well when they stay together.


No it isn't just your paranoia,I felt the same way. He treats the little boy as if he's a threat to him and the grown woman's relationship but is just fine with the little girl.
 
2013-02-28 10:37:16 PM  
"Wake up Maggie I think I got somethin' to say to you..."
 
2013-02-28 10:37:22 PM  

Jixa: Maybe it's just my "survivor's paranoia"

, but what disturbed me more was the disproportionate amount of attention he lavished on the little girl.

*checks profile*

Hentai-con really that bad?
 
2013-02-28 10:38:14 PM  
When I saw the picture that serial_crusher posted the only thing I could think of was "I wonder what this guy saw growing up?".

He is an emotional infant himself, and was likely on the receiving end of everything we saw him doing from his first day. I suggest reading up on Borderline Personality Disorder. We can see the symptoms in their entire relationship, seriously, Google BPS and read up on it, then go back through that slideshow.

It's called "Borderline" because it's borderline schizophrenia and comes from horrific abuse as a child.

He should be pitied...and in prison for the rest of his life. He'll never be better, he'll never be able to get his shiat together. He is a feral animal and always will be. Forever.
 
2013-02-28 10:38:31 PM  

Yogimus: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

Link the act, specifically the portions you support.  I find "acts" that have feelgood names are more often than not complete bullshiat that do little to solve the issues they are named after.  Is beating a woman legal? No? Then why more laws? What is the benefit?


/50% snark, 50% curiosity.  Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.


From my own experience, here is what VAWA has done for Houston, Texas:

Funded programs for peace officers (police, sheriff) to understand how to approach domestic violence cases, how to gather evidence, and how to talk to the victims  -- which leads to victims getting the help they need to get out

Funding to train prosecutors on how to prosecute these cases, especially since most of them involve a victim who is unwililng to testify or who has recanted due to family pressure

Funding for a kick-ass prosecutor I had the privilege to work for and social workers I got to work with who met with victims, got them the help they needed and also paid for us to get them protective orders so they have a chance to start their lives over
 
2013-02-28 10:38:44 PM  

Yogimus: 50% snark, 50% curiosity. Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.


Nah. I'm just gonna sit back here with this bag of popcorn and watch the other Farkers Cluebat you into a pulp.
 
2013-02-28 10:39:24 PM  

A Terrible Human: nice guy bullshiat?


I have a huge collection of "nice guys" here whose posts all show up light pink for me so I never have to take anything they say seriously ever again.

It's delusional thinking on par with birthers.  These threads really bring out the loons.
 
2013-02-28 10:40:00 PM  
19 y/o and she has a 4 y/o? Wow. Not that he's an angel, for sure.

Sad tag fits. Too well.
 
2013-02-28 10:40:01 PM  

BummerDuck: I guess I took this a little different than most. Felt bad for the kids, but what the fark do you expect from a tattooed freak of a felon?

She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The story left unsaid is what happened to the father? I wonder if he was denied custody of the kids because he is male? Well, I'm sure his money was paying for everything. Poor bastard, now his kids are screwed up for life.


Father is stationed in Alaska in the Army.  My guess would be she got custody of the kids since there's no chance she could be deployed anywhere.  Now she's back in Alaska with him, because at least that's better than getting beat up by some tattooed freak.
 
2013-02-28 10:40:06 PM  

TV's Vinnie: Yogimus: 50% snark, 50% curiosity. Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.

Nah. I'm just gonna sit back here with this bag of popcorn and watch the other Farkers Cluebat you into a pulp.


Nah, it was a kind of good question. VAWA needs a name change. I mean, I've prosecuted m/m, m/f, f/m cases. But the ones that broke my heart were the ones where parents had to get protective orders against their kids. I'd go home and cry my eyes out on those.
 
2013-02-28 10:40:21 PM  
Two kids by 19 (had kid at 15?), shacking up with a 31 year old (violated half age+7 rule)...   this sounds like it was headed to problemsville even before the guy turned out to be abusive.  Lancaster county Ohio explains quite a bit though.
 
2013-02-28 10:40:49 PM  
So, the photographer just stood there the whole time snapping photos  while both parties act oblivious to her presence then the dude beats the shiat out of his wife while someone snaps pics?

Bullshiat.
 
2013-02-28 10:41:15 PM  

moonscatter: TV's Vinnie: Yogimus: 50% snark, 50% curiosity. Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.

Nah. I'm just gonna sit back here with this bag of popcorn and watch the other Farkers Cluebat you into a pulp.

Nah, it was a kind of good question. VAWA needs a name change. I mean, I've prosecuted m/m, m/f, f/m cases. But the ones that broke my heart were the ones where parents had to get protective orders against their kids. I'd go home and cry my eyes out on those.


Crap, and f/f cases. In fact, my one three-day trial was the creepiest f/f cases ever, And the batterer looked like one of those japanese girls who try and look like barbie. Was utterly surreal.
 
2013-02-28 10:41:16 PM  
Meh, she stays with the peice of filth, there must be something she likes about being someone's punching bag.

Go ahead, tell me she can't leave him for n reasons, but she can. All she has to do is pick up a phone, and dial the nearest shelter.

Trust me, those people are great, they could have gotten Eve Braun out of the bunker.
 
2013-02-28 10:41:22 PM  

A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?


Shane was unemployed, therefor not the provider. Looks like they had nice stuff, so she must have been paying for it.

I obviously _could_ be wrong, but that gives me the conclusion that SHE had the power to get rid of him at any time. She chose not to, and so I only feel sorry for the kids for having an idiot for a mother, and potentially for the dad.

If only we had some island we could put people like Shane...to be with his own kind...we could call it Australia?
 
2013-02-28 10:41:55 PM  

A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?


Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.

/Your screen name wasn't just randomly selected, was it.
 
2013-02-28 10:42:09 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: It's delusional thinking on par with birthers. These threads really bring out the loons.


It's kinda sad really. I find these kinds of threads to be rather therapeutic.
/Those kids are gonna be a little messed up.
 
2013-02-28 10:42:10 PM  
Listen, someone has to say it.  These are trash people making horrible decisions. She put herself in this situation, 2 kids, 20 years old dating a convicted felon with no prospects.  Was he a piece of human garbage?  Absolutely.  The problem is she knew that already, long before the inevitable happened.
 
2013-02-28 10:42:30 PM  
upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size


Rod Stewart would never choke a biatch.
 
2013-02-28 10:42:42 PM  

Abox: moonscatter: she was never at fault.

In that you can't blame a person for their own stupidity?


In that it isn't her fault he can't stop kicking her ass or breaking the law. It is his fault for crossing that line and his fault alone. Sure, she made the mistake of hanging out with a douchebag, but the penalty for that should not be an ass kicking in front of your kids.
 
2013-02-28 10:43:45 PM  

TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.


Every one of my state's delegation voted against it. Including our lone representative, Cynthia Lummis.
 
2013-02-28 10:44:38 PM  

Slam1263: Meh, she stays with the peice of filth, there must be something she likes about being someone's punching bag.

Go ahead, tell me she can't leave him for n reasons, but she can. All she has to do is pick up a phone, and dial the nearest shelter.

Trust me, those people are great, they could have gotten Eve Braun out of the bunker.


Read the article; she left after the first attack.


BummerDuck: Shane was unemployed, therefor not the provider. Looks like they had nice stuff, so she must have been paying for it.

I obviously _could_ be wrong, but that gives me the conclusion that SHE had the power to get rid of him at any time. She chose not to, and so I only feel sorry for the kids for having an idiot for a mother, and potentially for the dad.


According to the article, they were living with a friend, so I don't think they owned any of the nice stuff in the pictures.
 
2013-02-28 10:44:46 PM  

A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?


Thanks, I was about to comment on this, too.
 
2013-02-28 10:45:53 PM  

BummerDuck: I obviously _could_ be wrong, but that gives me the conclusion that SHE had the power to get rid of him at any time. She chose not to, and so I only feel sorry for the kids for having an idiot for a mother, and potentially for the dad.


Quantum Apostrophe: Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.

/Your screen name wasn't just randomly selected, was it.


My father didn't drink,do drugs or have any tattoos yet he managed to beat my mom,sister and me for the first 14 years of my farking life. He threatened to beat my mom and me to death over child support. Take your nice guy bullshiat and cram it up your ass and farking die. You don't realize how bad shiat can get if you haven't lived through it.
 
2013-02-28 10:45:58 PM  
And a moment to thank the corrections officers who will have to deal with this dirtbag...
 
2013-02-28 10:46:34 PM  
Mother believes she is fortunate to have a "man", regardless of the price.  I have seen this MANY times. I will help a 1st timer out till the ends of the earth, even if that means she stays in my apt and I sleep in a hotel. (done it.) The SECOND they go back for more? fark em. Write em off as a wasted life, and pray that family services save the kids in time.

/I welcome the cluebat.
 
2013-02-28 10:46:43 PM  

Brostorm: Listen, someone has to say it.  These are trash people making horrible decisions. She put herself in this situation, 2 kids, 20 years old dating a convicted felon with no prospects.  Was he a piece of human garbage?  Absolutely.  The problem is she knew that already, long before the inevitable happened.


Why did it take this long for someone to say this?? I was thinking the SAME thing! The only people I felt sorry for in that scenario were the kids.
 
2013-02-28 10:46:52 PM  

Coco LaFemme: Father is stationed in Alaska in the Army. My guess would be she got custody of the kids since there's no chance she could be deployed anywhere.


Yes.  She gets custody, even if he's the better parent.
 
2013-02-28 10:46:53 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: A Terrible Human: nice guy bullshiat?

I have a huge collection of "nice guys" here whose posts all show up light pink for me so I never have to take anything they say seriously ever again.

It's delusional thinking on par with birthers.  These threads really bring out the loons.


Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I could be wrong. I could just have encountered these observations because I have made less-than-good decisions in my life rendering them obviously skewed and expected, but it sure doesn't seem that way.

I like the "I'm a guy" kind of guy. If they specify (and insist) that they are nice or talented or super-easy-going or whatever... it's automatic Opposite Day in my head.
 
2013-02-28 10:47:05 PM  

StrangeQ: KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.

She was 19 with a four year old and a two year old; I don't think she is exactly a paragon of good decision making.


She's still a kid, and he got her when she was lonely and mad at the father of the two kids for going away to Afghanistan and leaving her to deal.  The prison guy paid attention to her (by phone), told her how much better he would treat her and she bought it.  She doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand how life really works.

Now she knows, and I'll bet she damn well appreciates the father of her kids.  I, in no way, blame her for the other guys violence, as violence is unacceptable in any relationship, and I'm sorry she had to learn the lesson the hard way.  Some women never do.  I hope like hell she remembers when times get rough again.

I taught my nieces that you have to KNOW you can take care of yourself on your own before you get yourself involved in a relationship - so if something happens you know you can take care of yourself and not be afraid to leave.  And of course to stay away from guys like this.

If she had a kid at 15, I'm pretty positive that parental attention was something she missed out on for a long time.
 
2013-02-28 10:47:21 PM  

Via Infinito: I love how ignorant people were giving the photographer a bunch of shiat for not "intervening" in the assault.  Maybe she didn't want to get choked out too? She's a f*cking photographer, not a UFC fighter.


I've made a point to never get involved in a "domestic dispute" with people I don't really know. Family or close friends only, where I know both people well, know their mentality and reactions, and I have a better chance of de-escalating the situation

Taking sides can make the abuser more violent for one, not to mention half the time the woman starts taking the mans side and gets aggressive toward you for not minding your own business.

Nope. I'll let the cops handle it. If I was a 6' 6" tall man and not a 5'2" woman I might do something different.
Also, as a gun owner, since someone inevitably is thinking "If someone had a gun they coulda shot or threatened to shoot him," I'm gonna say that first of all it's illegal to threaten someone with a gun (brandishing a firearm), and it's only legal to shoot if you or someone else is in fear for their life.
In this case, the guy was unarmed, and  did some choking, but she didn't pass out or anything, and he didn't appear to be threatening anyone else. I don't think it elevated to a "fear for my life" situation before the cops got there. And even if it did, the guilt it would put on the abused would be horrendous. People like that always tend to put the blame on themselves in some way.

Unfortunately the responsibility is on the woman to make a decision to tell the truth when the cops show up, press charges, get a restraining order, and leave the guy. Intervening yourself rarely comes to anything. Even if you de-escalate the situation, it might make it worse, as she might refuse to press chargers, stay with him longer and end up abused further.

Domestic abuse is always a tricky sitution, and I don't fault the photographer for not getting in the middle. To keep taking pictures, also allowed for more evidence of the assault, if needed in court.
 
2013-02-28 10:47:38 PM  
It's amazing how much of a change it is from Columbus to Lancaster and further southeast. I can't ever thank my parents enough for moving us to a better area (and for not being redneck hicks).
 
2013-02-28 10:47:48 PM  

A Terrible Human: BummerDuck: I obviously _could_ be wrong, but that gives me the conclusion that SHE had the power to get rid of him at any time. She chose not to, and so I only feel sorry for the kids for having an idiot for a mother, and potentially for the dad.

Quantum Apostrophe: Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.

/Your screen name wasn't just randomly selected, was it.

My father didn't drink,do drugs or have any tattoos yet he managed to beat my mom,sister and me for the first 14 years of my farking life. He threatened to beat my mom and me to death over child support. Take your nice guy bullshiat and cram it up your ass and farking die. You don't realize how bad shiat can get if you haven't lived through it.


I'm really sorry you have gone through that. And for those that are curious, about 50% of my cases looked just like this.

/20 months, more than 1,000 cases.  I learned a lot, and cried a lot on Thursdays
// Thursdays were new case evaluation dates
/// If you haven't had to deal with this, be grateful, don't be an asshole, even if this is Fark
 
2013-02-28 10:47:50 PM  

BummerDuck: A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?

Shane was unemployed, therefor not the provider. Looks like they had nice stuff, so she must have been paying for it.

I obviously _could_ be wrong, but that gives me the conclusion that SHE had the power to get rid of him at any time. She chose not to, and so I only feel sorry for the kids for having an idiot for a mother, and potentially for the dad.

If only we had some island we could put people like Shane...to be with his own kind...we could call it Australia?


Do people bother reading any of the text in the linked articles or is that not what the cool kids do?  Shane, the tattooed freak, is not the father of her two children.  Her estranged Army husband in Alaska is the father.
 
2013-02-28 10:47:54 PM  

ReapTheChaos: So, the photographer just stood there the whole time snapping photos  while both parties act oblivious to her presence then the dude beats the shiat out of his wife while someone snaps pics?

Bullshiat.


How can I tell that you A. didn't read the article and B. didn't read the thread?
 
2013-02-28 10:48:07 PM  

Yogimus: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

Link the act, specifically the portions you support.  I find "acts" that have feelgood names are more often than not complete bullshiat that do little to solve the issues they are named after.  Is beating a woman legal? No? Then why more laws? What is the benefit?


/50% snark, 50% curiosity.  Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.


Helping to stop "Rape Tours" of reservations.

No, I'm not joking.
 
2013-02-28 10:48:39 PM  

Quantum Apostrophe: Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.


No, they're jerks that use physical manipulation to try and get what they want, because they think that they deserve it.

As opposed to jerks that use emotional manipulation to try and get what they want, because they think that they deserve it.
 
2013-02-28 10:48:54 PM  

JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.


 Hey, guys, we've got a sociopath in the thread. Make sure you update your farkies.
 
2013-02-28 10:49:07 PM  

Quantum Apostrophe: A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?

Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.

/Your screen name wasn't just randomly selected, was it.


Unrelated: creepy guys are usually the most innocuous. And nice. And hot.
 
2013-02-28 10:50:17 PM  

A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?


It is unfortunate the nice guys of OKcupid tumbler seems to have disappeared.
 
2013-02-28 10:51:08 PM  

ReapTheChaos: So, the photographer just stood there the whole time snapping photos  while both parties act oblivious to her presence then the dude beats the shiat out of his wife while someone snaps pics?

Bullshiat.


Penn Jillette wrote an article about his time on The Apprentice. In the article he referenced a book where the author said that when people are being filmed (or photographed) all the time, at first their inhibitions are on in full force. But after a while, not only do they cease to care about the camera's presence, but they actually act worse than they would have had there been no camera. I've never been in that situation, but if you've seen enough reality shows, you may notice that even people who would otherwise be pretty cautious will often let down their guard rather quickly when they're on camera all the time.
 
2013-02-28 10:51:54 PM  

Yogimus: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

Link the act, specifically the portions you support.  I find "acts" that have feelgood names are more often than not complete bullshiat that do little to solve the issues they are named after.  Is beating a woman legal? No? Then why more laws? What is the benefit?


/50% snark, 50% curiosity.  Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.


The minute you ask, "Does it work?", you stop being on the Left.
 
2013-02-28 10:52:02 PM  

Wall_of_Doodoo: Off to watch another episode of 'the legue' and cuddle my girlfriend. This weekend we work out then have dinner at bob Evans. I love our lameness.


Have you tried hitting her?
 
gja
2013-02-28 10:52:06 PM  

serial_crusher: "found jesus in prison"


Wow. Even he got busted?
DAY-UM!
 
2013-02-28 10:52:23 PM  

megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I could be wrong. I could just have encountered these observations because I have made less-than-good decisions in my life rendering them obviously skewed and expected, but it sure doesn't seem that way.

I like the "I'm a guy" kind of guy. If they specify (and insist) that they are nice or talented or super-easy-going or whatever... it's automatic Opposite Day in my head.


My girlfriend (now fiancee) said that she liked me because I was nice.  I told her immediately that, no, I am an asshole, too, just like all guys.

Then I work to prove her right, and me wrong.

But I don't want to be on a pedestal, shouting "oh, look at me, I'm so nice, better than everyone else!"  Because that's bullshiat.
 
2013-02-28 10:52:52 PM  
Face and neck tattoos are nature's warning signs.  Ignore them at your peril.
 
2013-02-28 10:52:57 PM  

megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.


I think most of them focus on the "nice" thing because they have to work SO HARD to be a decent human towards women, who they clearly actually think are sub-humans or uninteresting or otherwise unworthy of friendship, that all they can think of is the sheer wasted effort that went into treating them like people, only to receive little or no sex in return.

Guys who treat women like actual people by reflex rather than design don't consider themselves to be particularly "nice guys."  Like you said, they're just guys.  Guys who don't actually hate women.

/bet the guy in the article considers himself a nice guy
//would tell you all about the biatches who left him for no reason for some other asshole
 
2013-02-28 10:53:20 PM  
Those series of photographs make me cringe so bad. This type of thing makes my childhood, that I previously considered dysfunctional, look like Candyland®.
 
2013-02-28 10:53:38 PM  

gja: serial_crusher: "found jesus in prison"

Wow. Even he got busted?
DAY-UM!


I seriously had a running joke about a "pastor of the week" being a respondent in a protective order case. Even had one asshole state that "demons made me do it" and tried to elicit testimony from the victim that demons were real. Utterly bizarre.
 
2013-02-28 10:53:55 PM  

gja: serial_crusher: "found jesus in prison"

Wow. Even he got busted?
DAY-UM!


Um... yea? Do you think he volunteered for that whole cross thing?
 
2013-02-28 10:54:45 PM  
 ....and now you see what I deal with every day as an advocate in court. More often than not it's the victim who bonds the defendant out of jail and even more often it's the victim who fails to appear in court. "I don't want them to get in trouble." "I still love him/her." "This was blown out of proportion." "Can I drop the charges?" Then every once in a while when you're ready to throw in the towel....victory. So we come to work again. < aren't I nutz? :/
 
2013-02-28 10:54:45 PM  
That speaks volumes about the quality of that woman that was attracted to that ex-con... and also about the female photographer who was most probably attracted to him initially... while completely ignoring the father of the kids who is paying child support for that skank to endanger his kids by having that ex con around...
 
2013-02-28 10:55:01 PM  

jtown: Face and neck tattoos are nature's warning signs.  Ignore them at your peril.


^BOOM BABY^

Its a farking law of nature.
 
2013-02-28 10:55:28 PM  
Wow, lotsa bitter "nice guys" in this thread.  Which makes you laugh because genuinely nice guys don't have trouble finding nice girls.  If all the girls you find are evil, manipulative biatches or ignore you, the problem is you not all the girls you've been after.

This mom is still a kid herself and of course makes stupid ass decisions.  I'm glad she's gotten out. I'm glad she had options to get out and didn't feel trapped.  I worry though that she felt more powerful just by having a photographer there with her. I felt so sorry for the little girl and hope this hasn't been typical of her upbringing.  Hopefully mom can keep her nose clean, but I have no faith in her making up with dad and living happily ever after. Maybe the kids will stay with some of dad, or rather a family member of his given his job (maybe gramma could move in?), or be shuttled back with mom's family at home.  Sadly, mom needs some more time to grow up.
 
2013-02-28 10:55:40 PM  

claudiogut: That speaks volumes about the quality of that woman that was attracted to that ex-con... and also about the female photographer who was most probably attracted to him initially... while completely ignoring the father of the kids who is paying child support for that skank to endanger his kids by having that ex con around...


Whup, here's another one! They're drawn to this thread like flies to shiat.
 
2013-02-28 10:55:45 PM  
I'm definitely not OK with this. I don't care what you call yourself, photojournalist, when a woman is being beaten in front of you, YOU FARKING DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE HER. You don't keep snapping pictures hoping to document...whatever it was you were trying to document. It's not a secret that women are beaten, yet you let it happen right in front of your eyes, never mind the children who will be royally farked up from these experiences.

Fail on so many levels. But at least you got some great shots and some buzz about your "important" work.

Fark you.
 
2013-02-28 10:55:54 PM  

GoSurfing: Those series of photographs make me cringe so bad. This type of thing makes my childhood, that I previously considered dysfunctional, look like Candyland®.


Same here.
 
2013-02-28 10:56:13 PM  

moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.


How many men did you help?

No one believed me until I was in the hospital with a bullet in me.

Only had to shoot me once, and I was out of there.

SpdrJay: Dysfunction Junction....what's your function?


I'm still mad DJ went behind a paywall, so let's not rub salt into the wounds.

Egoy3k: The guy is a cock, but I can't help be feel sorry for him as well. He's just too flat out stupid to control his emotions. It's not like he set out to be a terrible human being. Alcohol, lack of an education, unresolved emotional issues and just plain stupidity are a bad mixture.


Valid point, I was raised in a very poor area, and there were only three kinds of men, those that wanted better, those that thought crime was easier, and the apathetic. Oh the dozen kids I ran around with, the five girls are all still alive, a couple are just barely alive, me, and one other guy are still kicking around.
 
2013-02-28 10:56:16 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I think most of them focus on the "nice" thing because they have to work SO HARD to be a decent human towards women, who they clearly actually think are sub-humans or uninteresting or otherwise unworthy of friendship, that all they can think of is the sheer wasted effort that went into treating them like people, only to receive little or no sex in return.

Guys who treat women like actual people by reflex rather than design don't consider themselves to be particularly "nice guys."  Like you said, they're just guys.  Guys who don't actually hate women.

/bet the guy in the article considers himself a nice guy
//would tell you all about the biatches who left him for no reason for some other asshole


Not to defend the supposed "nice guys", but from what I know it's the inverse. They don't work so hard to be decent towards woman because they think women are sub-human. You're approaching it from the opposite angle. The "nice guys" have to work so hard because the women they want are <i>super</i> human, i.e. unobtainable and out of their reach. The "nice guys" come from the point of inferiority, not superiority to the women. Pretty damn simple.
 
2013-02-28 10:56:19 PM  

maidenNM: ....and now you see what I deal with every day as an advocate in court. More often than not it's the victim who bonds the defendant out of jail and even more often it's the victim who fails to appear in court. "I don't want them to get in trouble." "I still love him/her." "This was blown out of proportion." "Can I drop the charges?" Then every once in a while when you're ready to throw in the towel....victory. So we come to work again. < aren't I nutz? :/


nah, you're blowing it out of proportion. You still love the job. Besides, you don't want them to get themselves in trouble...
 
2013-02-28 10:56:40 PM  

Yogimus: gja: serial_crusher: "found jesus in prison"

Wow. Even he got busted?
DAY-UM!

Um... yea? Do you think he volunteered for that whole cross thing?


Some Gnostics thought so.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gospel_of_Judas
 
2013-02-28 10:57:14 PM  
The main problem with the VAWA, apart from the name, is that is has been used as a pre-emptive strike in numerous divorce cases.  Most judges and magistrates will grant a protection order against a man based solely on a woman's testimony that she is afraid for her safety or that of her children.  This includes cases when there has been NO domestic violence. "He yelled at me and he owns a gun" is all it takes. Once the guy is out of the home, good luck for him getting custody/visitation or control of the real estate.  There have been too many BS cases filed under VAWA.  For the cases like the one in the article it is a godsend but it has been tremendously abused and I blame my legal colleagues in large part for that.
 
2013-02-28 10:57:25 PM  
19, 2 kids named memphis and kayden, dating some tattoo felon freak. shes trash. She let that dude be around her kids and now they will probably grow up to be trash too. Circle of trash
 
2013-02-28 10:57:29 PM  

Aar1012: Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.


Yes, domestic violence is the fault of college kids...

/rolls eyes
 
2013-02-28 10:57:38 PM  
The look on her face as he towered over her reminded me so much of my ex before he punched my face so hard that he fractured my skull that I winced. I know that look, that posture, that rage. He is shorter than my ex, but that look of hatred, where you can see death in the eyes, was the same. I had to walk away from my computer and compose myself.

When you are living it, you see one side of it: the blind rage, the anger, the destruction. I stood up for myself, fighting back, desperately trying to pack a bag and leave. I was 5'7", he was 6'3" and twice my weight. I wanted to walk out, because I knew that the fight was escalating. He had already mangled my glasses, shattered a lamp, and struck my face... as it turns out the same place he would hit it again later... and I wanted to get the hell out before it got worse. But he cornered me. He jerked my keys out of my hand and shattered my phone. I was trapped.

You can see that look in her face, too. She wants out, but she is trapped, and she knows it. Her case is worse, because there are children in the house.

If I had my gun that night, I know that I would've shot him. Even now, I sometimes feel a pain under my left eye that reminds me of that horrible night, and what I was finally able to escape from. I had to leave everything I ever knew behind: he is getting the lion's share- the house, most of the stuff... most of my things are still in Ohio, to boot. I have no way to pay to get them out here right now, and I don't know when I will be able to.

But my dog and I got out. Stuff is just that... stuff. I managed to get away before I ended up in a ditch. I am glad to know that this woman did, too.

And yea, I am not surprised they were from Ohio.
 
2013-02-28 10:57:38 PM  

maidenNM: ....and now you see what I deal with every day as an advocate in court. More often than not it's the victim who bonds the defendant out of jail and even more often it's the victim who fails to appear in court. "I don't want them to get in trouble." "I still love him/her." "This was blown out of proportion." "Can I drop the charges?" Then every once in a while when you're ready to throw in the towel....victory. So we come to work again. < aren't I nutz? :/


You have my utter respect. I've been there, standing right by people like you, when the victims do everything in their power to give the aggressor another shot at them. It is heartbreaking and frustrating beyond belief.

Thank you for doing what you do. I still get to help by doing pro bono cases, but it is never enough.

If you are ever in Houston, I'll buy the first ten rounds....
 
2013-02-28 10:59:13 PM  

JerkStore: I'm definitely not OK with this. I don't care what you call yourself, photojournalist, when a woman is being beaten in front of you, YOU FARKING DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE HER. You don't keep snapping pictures hoping to document...whatever it was you were trying to document. It's not a secret that women are beaten, yet you let it happen right in front of your eyes, never mind the children who will be royally farked up from these experiences.

Fail on so many levels. But at least you got some great shots and some buzz about your "important" work.

Fark you.


In other words you wanted to see two women beaten that night.
 
2013-02-28 10:59:16 PM  
"Shane moved Maggie and her children to a trailer park in Somerset, Ohio. The location was farther away than Maggie had ever been from her family and friends before, and she said her feelings of isolation only increased over time."

I think that was the dirtbag's motive the whole time.

i45.tinypic.comView Full Size
 
2013-02-28 11:00:10 PM  

Brostorm: These are trash people making horrible decisions. ... Was he a piece of human garbage? Absolutely.


you are a puppet: shes trash. She let that dude be around her kids and now they will probably grow up to be trash too. Circle of trash


Who could believe this is the same guy with TRASH tattoed down his left side (#24)
 
2013-02-28 11:00:26 PM  

GoSurfing: The "nice guys" have to work so hard because the women they want are <i>super</i> human, i.e. unobtainable and out of their reach. The "nice guys" come from the point of inferiority, not superiority to the women. Pretty damn simple.


See, I think you're mistaking putting a woman on a pedestal with still assuming she's a person and not just a shiny goal to reach at the end of a journey.

When you actually like women as people and interact with them as such, it becomes extremely clear that they're all different and everyone has flaws.  When you treat them like a gilded barbie doll, you're treating them as a prize, no matter how valuable, and that does diminish the actual humanity of a person.

Whether they think they're superior to the prize is irrelevant, if all a woman ever can be to them is a prize.
 
2013-02-28 11:00:54 PM  
Ana, I am glad you are safe now. Never go back. (packing a bag is an excuse to stay... don't ever do that if you find yourself like this. RUN. fark pride. If you want pride, spit on him as the cops drag him off to jail)
 
2013-02-28 11:00:54 PM  

JerkStore: I'm definitely not OK with this. I don't care what you call yourself, photojournalist, when a woman is being beaten in front of you, YOU FARKING DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE HER. You don't keep snapping pictures hoping to document...whatever it was you were trying to document. It's not a secret that women are beaten, yet you let it happen right in front of your eyes, never mind the children who will be royally farked up from these experiences.

Fail on so many levels. But at least you got some great shots and some buzz about your "important" work.

Fark you.


That's not her job.  She made sure someone had called the cops.  You think she should have, what, started hitting the guy?

And besides, she's probably helping battered women more this way, by raising awareness.
 
2013-02-28 11:01:06 PM  

GoSurfing: The "nice guys" come from the point of inferiority, not superiority to the women. Pretty damn simple.


Ask them some time not whether the women are "unobtainable" or "out of their league," but whether the women are smarter than them, or more capable than them, or whatnot. You'll find pretty quickly that they think they're superior in every aspect but looks, and also that they think that looks are all a woman is good for.
 
2013-02-28 11:01:36 PM  

Slam1263: moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.

How many men did you help?

No one believed me until I was in the hospital with a bullet in me.

Only had to shoot me once, and I was out of there.

SpdrJay: Dysfunction Junction....what's your function?

I'm still mad DJ went behind a paywall, so let's not rub salt into the wounds.

Egoy3k: The guy is a cock, but I can't help be feel sorry for him as well. He's just too flat out stupid to control his emotions. It's not like he set out to be a terrible human being. Alcohol, lack of an education, unresolved emotional issues and just plain stupidity are a bad mixture.

Valid point, I was raised in a very poor area, and there were only three kinds of men, those that wanted better, those that thought crime was easier, and the apathetic. Oh the dozen kids I ran around with, the five girls are all still alive, a couple are just barely alive, me, and one other guy are still kicking around.


I helped quite a few -- I was really lucky to work with an amazing group of social workers who helped me put together cases. The hardest part with cases where the men were being abused was to get them to come to court. They just would NOT testify.

I think the one that broke my heart the most, and was still so glad I got, was a man who was in his 60's who was being abused by a 20 year old girlfriend. In public, it was like Hugh Heffner, and in private, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

I'm sorry for what you went through. I am so sorry it got that far. We still, as a society, have so incredibly far to go in understanding domestic violence. I hope your life has been better and stronger since - something I have hoped and prayed for for all of  my former clients.
 
2013-02-28 11:01:47 PM  

J. Frank Parnell: Jixa: Maybe it's just my "survivor's paranoia", but what disturbed me more was the disproportionate amount of attention he lavished on the little girl.

*checks profile*

Hentai-con really that bad?


Oh, GOD!!! You had to remind me!?  So many tentacles, and pedobear cosplay! The horror! The horror! ;)

(Got no problem with fantasy it's the real world I don't trust.)
 
2013-02-28 11:01:50 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: GoSurfing: The "nice guys" have to work so hard because the women they want are <i>super</i> human, i.e. unobtainable and out of their reach. The "nice guys" come from the point of inferiority, not superiority to the women. Pretty damn simple.

See, I think you're mistaking putting a woman on a pedestal with still assuming she's a person and not just a shiny goal to reach at the end of a journey.

When you actually like women as people and interact with them as such, it becomes extremely clear that they're all different and everyone has flaws.  When you treat them like a gilded barbie doll, you're treating them as a prize, no matter how valuable, and that does diminish the actual humanity of a person.

Whether they think they're superior to the prize is irrelevant, if all a woman ever can be to them is a prize.


Flippity flop, so what you previously said doesn't matter. Got it.
 
2013-02-28 11:02:19 PM  

sendtodave: That's not her job.


Bullshiat. That's everyone's job.
 
2013-02-28 11:02:41 PM  

you are a puppet: JerkStore: I'm definitely not OK with this. I don't care what you call yourself, photojournalist, when a woman is being beaten in front of you, YOU FARKING DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE HER. You don't keep snapping pictures hoping to document...whatever it was you were trying to document. It's not a secret that women are beaten, yet you let it happen right in front of your eyes, never mind the children who will be royally farked up from these experiences.

Fail on so many levels. But at least you got some great shots and some buzz about your "important" work.

Fark you.

In other words you wanted to see two women beaten that night.


Glad to see he read the article and saw there were two more people in the house at the time.
 
2013-02-28 11:03:11 PM  

Anderson's Pooper: The main problem with the VAWA, apart from the name, is that is has been used as a pre-emptive strike in numerous divorce cases.  Most judges and magistrates will grant a protection order against a man based solely on a woman's testimony that she is afraid for her safety or that of her children.  This includes cases when there has been NO domestic violence. "He yelled at me and he owns a gun" is all it takes. Once the guy is out of the home, good luck for him getting custody/visitation or control of the real estate.  There have been too many BS cases filed under VAWA.  For the cases like the one in the article it is a godsend but it has been tremendously abused and I blame my legal colleagues in large part for that.


You realize that domestic violence can include yelling, right? It doesn't necessarily require someone to get beaten.
Basically, you're arguing that the main problem with VAWA is that you can't be emotionally abusive and threatening without getting in trouble.
 
2013-02-28 11:03:14 PM  
Ashamed to say I came stupidly close to something like this.  Took a step back before anything happened.  Saw the look in my kids' eyes after their mom started to slug me..... that was enough.  Heartbreaking.  Still is, 7 years later.
 
2013-02-28 11:03:21 PM  

TV's Vinnie: "Shane moved Maggie and her children to a trailer park in Somerset, Ohio. The location was farther away than Maggie had ever been from her family and friends before, and she said her feelings of isolation only increased over time."

I think that was the dirtbag's motive the whole time.

[i45.tinypic.com image 735x490]


You are more right than you will ever know (I hope)
 
2013-02-28 11:03:45 PM  

claudiogut: That speaks volumes about the quality of that woman that was attracted to that ex-con... and also about the female photographer who was most probably attracted to him initially... while completely ignoring the father of the kids who is paying child support for that skank to endanger his kids by having that ex con around...


...what?  Did you read the article at all?  They weren't divorced; just separated.  He wasn't paying child support.  And it DIDN'T ignore him at all.  Hell, the last photos in the set were dealing with her gathering the tatters of her life back together and moving her family to Alaska to live with her husband who she had mended her estrangement with, who she specifically praised as "[He] has been so understanding about everything, he wants to take care of us. I'm really lucky."

So again:  What?
 
2013-02-28 11:04:04 PM  

moonscatter: gja: serial_crusher: "found jesus in prison"

Wow. Even he got busted?
DAY-UM!

I seriously had a running joke about a "pastor of the week" being a respondent in a protective order case. Even had one asshole state that "demons made me do it" and tried to elicit testimony from the victim that demons were real. Utterly bizarre.


Thank you for your service.
 
2013-02-28 11:04:10 PM  

Theaetetus: GoSurfing: The "nice guys" come from the point of inferiority, not superiority to the women. Pretty damn simple.

Ask them some time not whether the women are "unobtainable" or "out of their league," but whether the women are smarter than them, or more capable than them, or whatnot. You'll find pretty quickly that they think they're superior in every aspect but looks, and also that they think that looks are all a woman is good for.


Not going to claim to be a nice guy, but seriously, the women I've liked that didn't give me the time of day were more talented/smarter/awesome/etc in every way, shape, form. That's honestly what I thought. It wasn't a "putting her on a pedestal" complex either, rather just knowing you couldn't compete with someone way higher on the social ladder.

Maybe I'm an anomaly.
 
2013-02-28 11:04:31 PM  

Aar1012: Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.


Don't count your chickens so fast. I graduated in the bicentennial class in 04, spent plenty of time volunteering  for my sisters place and the youth rehab center. Stayed in Athens after i graduated for a year as well continuing on with it. Spent time working with Strickland before he was Governor and our buddy Jimmy Stewart. Many students get very involved in the community and Meigs county outreach
 
2013-02-28 11:04:35 PM  

sendtodave: JerkStore: I'm definitely not OK with this. I don't care what you call yourself, photojournalist, when a woman is being beaten in front of you, YOU FARKING DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE HER. You don't keep snapping pictures hoping to document...whatever it was you were trying to document. It's not a secret that women are beaten, yet you let it happen right in front of your eyes, never mind the children who will be royally farked up from these experiences.

Fail on so many levels. But at least you got some great shots and some buzz about your "important" work.

Fark you.

That's not her job.  She made sure someone had called the cops.  You think she should have, what, started hitting the guy?

And besides, she's probably helping battered women more this way, by raising awareness.


You gotta wonder, too, if the woman in this case might have been more likely to pull the whole "But he loooooooooves me!" card and go back to him if this photographic evidence of what a piece of shiat he is didn't exist.  I mean, I can't imagine any mother looking at that picture of her tiny daughter trying to get between her and the asshole beating the shiat out of her and going back to the asshole.
 
2013-02-28 11:04:53 PM  

A Terrible Human: My father didn't drink,do drugs or have any tattoos yet he managed to beat my mom,sister and me for the first 14 years of my farking life. He threatened to beat my mom and me to death over child support. Take your nice guy bullshiat and cram it up your ass and farking die. You don't realize how bad shiat can get if you haven't lived through it.


My dad did drugs, but appeared normal to everyone other than very close family members. No tattoos, background in sales, business owner, very nice and charismatic to customers, new friends, strangers, unless they acted like an asshole themselves.

Yet he was mentally abusive to me and my mom ever since I can remember, even before the drug problem. Luckily very little hitting, but that wouldn't have made the situation much worse for me *shrug*. I never minded being hit much, but the years of mental abuse took a huge toll.

Anyway, point being, lack of tattoos and being "nice" in public, doesn't = nonabuser.

And I've known plenty of tatted up people who have done jailtime, that would NEVER hit a woman. A few that were actually jailed for PROTECTING a woman they didn't even know, by beating the crap out of her abuser when he took to beating up on her in public.
But the law doesn't look kindly on breaking a guys legs, even if it is for a good cause. :\
And unfortunately the abuser will probably take that out later on his wife or g/f as somehow her fault.
 
2013-02-28 11:05:16 PM  

GoSurfing: Flippity flop, so what you previously said doesn't matter. Got it.


Actually, I just restated my point.  Believe it or not, women consider being thought of as not-really-human to be a huge insult and not some kind of glowing awesome compliment. It means the woman is INFERIOR, no matter how shiny.
 
2013-02-28 11:05:26 PM  
I grew up in a similar house (despite my parents being well-educated professionals and non-drinkers). I really feel for those kids, fark.
 
2013-02-28 11:05:52 PM  

Yogimus: sendtodave: That's not her job.

Bullshiat. That's everyone's job.


Their criticism counters what actual law enforcement officers have told me - that physically intervening would have likely only made the situation worse, endangering me, and further endangering Maggie.

No, it isn't.
 
2013-02-28 11:05:52 PM  

sendtodave: megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I could be wrong. I could just have encountered these observations because I have made less-than-good decisions in my life rendering them obviously skewed and expected, but it sure doesn't seem that way.

I like the "I'm a guy" kind of guy. If they specify (and insist) that they are nice or talented or super-easy-going or whatever... it's automatic Opposite Day in my head.

My girlfriend (now fiancee) said that she liked me because I was nice.  I told her immediately that, no, I am an asshole, too, just like all guys.

Then I work to prove her right, and me wrong.

But I don't want to be on a pedestal, shouting "oh, look at me, I'm so nice, better than everyone else!"  Because that's bullshiat.


I am the opposite of an expert, but you're doing it right.
 
2013-02-28 11:06:02 PM  
/50% snark, 50% curiosity. Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.

Helping to stop "Rape Tours" of reservations.

No, I'm not joking.


WTF is a 'Rape Tour'? Although something tells me I am really not going to like the answer.
 
2013-02-28 11:06:39 PM  
i.qkme.meView Full Size
 
2013-02-28 11:06:55 PM  
timethemoment.files.wordpress.comView Full Size


/farking TERRIFYING
 
2013-02-28 11:07:16 PM  

2wolves: moonscatter: gja: serial_crusher: "found jesus in prison"

Wow. Even he got busted?
DAY-UM!

I seriously had a running joke about a "pastor of the week" being a respondent in a protective order case. Even had one asshole state that "demons made me do it" and tried to elicit testimony from the victim that demons were real. Utterly bizarre.

Thank you for your service.


It was a privilege, no thanks will ever be needed.I wish every day I could have done more. And I have two dear friends who fight in the trenches still every day and I do all I can to support them. Every pro  bono case I take involves domestic violence on some level.

I wish I had the strength to make it a career, but perhaps among the most heartbreaking professions are those that deal with this. And the people who do this work are my personal heroes, each and every one.
 
2013-02-28 11:08:19 PM  
These threads always make me feel like hugging a lot of you. Curse this digital divide...
 
2013-02-28 11:08:33 PM  

serial_crusher: TommyymmoT: "Shane had been trying to make a career as a singer in a Christian rock band".

"found jesus in prison" is probably a good schtick for a Christian rock musician.

name for a Rock Band!
 
2013-02-28 11:08:47 PM  
The baby figured it ouyt. You put yourself between the two people fighting, and you tell the non-hostile one to "GET OUT!".  And you pray you don't get stabbed or knocked the fark out.

(fun weekend at GF house)
 
2013-02-28 11:08:53 PM  

starrion: /50% snark, 50% curiosity. Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.

Helping to stop "Rape Tours" of reservations.

No, I'm not joking.


WTF is a 'Rape Tour'? Although something tells me I am really not going to like the answer.


You've heard of "sex tourism" in places like Cambodia? Imagine if there were no protection for Native American women on reservations.
 
2013-02-28 11:09:12 PM  
1) Subs, the author was female. I see you cared enough to read the article, beyond the headline.

2) The author is an attention whore. Period.
 
2013-02-28 11:09:19 PM  
But he looks so normal and unthreatening.
 
2013-02-28 11:09:29 PM  
t.qkme.meView Full Size
 
2013-02-28 11:09:58 PM  

GoSurfing: the women I've liked that didn't give me the time of day were more talented/smarter/awesome/etc in every way, shape, form.


Sounds like the women made a really good choice then.  Did you ever consider trying to become more talented/educated/awesome so you could land women like that?  Or maybe settling for the kind of women who were actually as talented/smart/awesome as you are, rather than getting upset that people with more going on weren't lowering their standards for you?

If they really are more talented/smarter/awesome/etc in every way, shape, form then why would they possibly want to settle for someone less talented/dumber/less awesome than themselves - especially considering you wouldn't settle for the same?
 
2013-02-28 11:10:31 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I think most of them focus on the "nice" thing because they have to work SO HARD to be a decent human towards women, who they clearly actually think are sub-humans or uninteresting or otherwise unworthy of friendship, that all they can think of is the sheer wasted effort that went into treating them like people, only to receive little or no sex in return.

Guys who treat women like actual people by reflex rather than design don't consider themselves to be particularly "nice guys."  Like you said, they're just guys.  Guys who don't actually hate women.

/bet the guy in the article considers himself a nice guy
//would tell you all about the biatches who left him for no reason for some other asshole


Interesting. I liked what you had to say, especially in your first paragraph. It seems completely logical when someone else says it :).

/would tell you about the douches that left me for biatches
//good riddance
///bad rubbish
 
2013-02-28 11:11:18 PM  

sendtodave: Yogimus: sendtodave: That's not her job.

Bullshiat. That's everyone's job.

Their criticism counters what actual law enforcement officers have told me - that physically intervening would have likely only made the situation worse, endangering me, and further endangering Maggie.

No, it isn't.


Puck you. You are a piece of shiate if you accept another human being get beaten in front of you. No excuse, you are a farking coward for watching without acting.  Is there risk? Yes. Man up, grow a pair of ovaries, whatever it takes.
 
2013-02-28 11:11:59 PM  

A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?


Are you new here?  This is a pretty consistent mindset thread to thread.  There could be a thread where the news story is about  a popular  farkette who was raped to death with a jigsaw on tape, and a dozen farkers would whine that that's what she gets for not dating them.  Because they are nice guys.  So nice in fact that they think that murder is an acceptable punishment for not farking them.
 
TWX
2013-02-28 11:12:04 PM  

moonscatter: Abox: moonscatter: she was never at fault.

In that you can't blame a person for their own stupidity?

He assaulted her. He failed kindergarten. No, a victim is NOT at fault for the assault committed on them. It falls squarely and completely on them.

If she had any fault, then wow, maybe he shouldn't be criminally charged, right? Maybe she should recant, or work on getting the charges dismissed, I mean, after all, being almost murdered was her fault for not loving him enough, right?


Two wrongs don't make a right.

She can be at fault while he's at fault and her fault does not excuse his.

Her fault is that her life choices led her to being a mother at fifteen, a mother for a second time at seventeen, and somewhere in that, married and now estranged from that husband (and I wonder if estranged just meant that she couldn't handle his military deployment), and shacked up with a convict that she became acquainted with while he was still in prison.  This man is just one more in a series of bad decisions that she has made.  Certainly it's rough that she lost a parent while still a child herself, but she's past the point of being able to cite entirely outside influences as to why things are the way that they are.

I hope, for the sake of her kids, that this served as a significant enough of a wakeup call that she'll actually make some changes in her life.  Changes like learning that one doesn't need a significant-other if there's no suitable significant-other available.  The kids are probably better off growing up fatherless than they are growing up with horrible examples.
 
2013-02-28 11:12:05 PM  

zabadu: StrangeQ: KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.

She was 19 with a four year old and a two year old; I don't think she is exactly a paragon of good decision making.

She's still a kid, and he got her when she was lonely and mad at the father of the two kids for going away to Afghanistan and leaving her to deal.  The prison guy paid attention to her (by phone), told her how much better he would treat her and she bought it.  She doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand how life really works.

Now she knows, and I'll bet she damn well appreciates the father of her kids.  I, in no way, blame her for the other guys violence, as violence is unacceptable in any relationship, and I'm sorry she had to learn the lesson the hard way.  Some women never do.  I hope like hell she remembers when times get rough again.

I taught my nieces that you have to KNOW you can take care of yourself on your own before you get yourself involved in a relationship - so if something happens you know you can take care of yourself and not be afraid to leave.  And of course to stay away from guys like this.

If she had a kid at 15, I'm pretty positive that parental attention was something she missed out on for a long time.


You nailed it right there. She left her husband and father of her children because she was probably tired of her life with her husband and she wanted someone that could physically and emotionally be there for her at all times the way she wanted them to be. Instead she found this guy. This is what emotionally immature people do. At least she had the sense to leave this guy when he put his hands on her instead of staying with him thinking it would be a one time thing.

And even though she went back to her husband, I doubt there marriage will last very long. When she puts herself back together again, she will be off again to find another person who can fulfill her needs the way she wants them to.
 
2013-02-28 11:13:21 PM  
timethemoment.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
doubtfulnews.comView Full Size
 
2013-02-28 11:13:22 PM  

starrion: /50% snark, 50% curiosity. Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.

Helping to stop "Rape Tours" of reservations.

No, I'm not joking.


WTF is a 'Rape Tour'? Although something tells me I am really not going to like the answer.





Here's an article that mentions it.
 
2013-02-28 11:13:24 PM  

Theaetetus: You realize that domestic violence can include yelling, right? It doesn't necessarily require someone to get beaten.
Basically, you're arguing that the main problem with VAWA is that you can't be emotionally abusive and threatening without getting in trouble.


If no one's health or life is actually threatened, then a CPO is NOT appropriate.  People should not be removed from their home because of something that might happen.  If you want out of the relationship, file for divorce and custody.  If you or the kids have been actually physically abused, THEN get the CPO.  The problem with the VAWA is that it allows CPOs to be granted based solely on one party's testimony. If you want him out of the house then have him arrested and follow through on it.  Hopefully you'll never yell at your partner so you won't risk being forcibly removed from your home.  There is a vast difference between arguing and abuse.
 
2013-02-28 11:13:37 PM  
Throw the book at this a-hole, but jeez lady, you immediately shacked up with a tatted ex-con straight out of prison that you barely knew who is 11 years your elder and has no marketable skills while deciding to bring your had-em-while-you-were-a-child-yourself offspring along and didn't think there would be any volatility?
 
2013-02-28 11:13:45 PM  

Yogimus: sendtodave: Yogimus: sendtodave: That's not her job.

Bullshiat. That's everyone's job.

Their criticism counters what actual law enforcement officers have told me - that physically intervening would have likely only made the situation worse, endangering me, and further endangering Maggie.

No, it isn't.

Puck you. You are a piece of shiate if you accept another human being get beaten in front of you. No excuse, you are a farking coward for watching without acting.  Is there risk? Yes. Man up, grow a pair of ovaries, whatever it takes.


[watchout_badassoverhere.jpg]
 
2013-02-28 11:13:50 PM  

jake_lex: I mean, I can't imagine any mother looking at that picture of her tiny daughter trying to get between her and the asshole beating the shiat out of her and going back to the asshole.


I can, but yeah it should help.
 
2013-02-28 11:14:13 PM  
The poor guy has long standing issues, and needs to make a go of therapy.. I understand with those tats, it's hard to earn a living wage, but it just takes some people longer to mature than others. I hope he gets the help he needs, and not just thrown back into the penal system. He's trying for chrissakes, just doesn't know how to handle it yet.
 
2013-02-28 11:14:56 PM  

ongbok: zabadu: StrangeQ: KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.

She was 19 with a four year old and a two year old; I don't think she is exactly a paragon of good decision making.

She's still a kid, and he got her when she was lonely and mad at the father of the two kids for going away to Afghanistan and leaving her to deal.  The prison guy paid attention to her (by phone), told her how much better he would treat her and she bought it.  She doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand how life really works.

Now she knows, and I'll bet she damn well appreciates the father of her kids.  I, in no way, blame her for the other guys violence, as violence is unacceptable in any relationship, and I'm sorry she had to learn the lesson the hard way.  Some women never do.  I hope like hell she remembers when times get rough again.

I taught my nieces that you have to KNOW you can take care of yourself on your own before you get yourself involved in a relationship - so if something happens you know you can take care of yourself and not be afraid to leave.  And of course to stay away from guys like this.

If she had a kid at 15, I'm pretty positive that parental attention was something she missed out on for a long time.

You nailed it right there. She left her husband and father of her children because she was probably tired of her life with her husband and she wanted someone that could physically and emotionally be there for her at all times the way she wanted them to be. Instead she found this guy. This is what emotionally immature people do. At least she had the sense to leave this guy when he put his hands on her instead of staying with him thinking it would be a one time thing.

And even though she went back to her husband, I doubt there marriage will last very long. When she puts herself back together again, she will be off again to find another person who can ...


Biological father has the ability to take permanent custody of the kids because of her bad behavior, though. And until she can gain some emotional maturity, that will probably be in the best interest of the kids themselves.

Not saying that this would be the case in this case, but I have seen far too many cases where the dad would rather abandon than be around any kids he fathered that had another man acting in loco parentis.
 
2013-02-28 11:15:04 PM  

sendtodave: Yogimus: sendtodave: Yogimus: sendtodave: That's not her job.

Bullshiat. That's everyone's job.

Their criticism counters what actual law enforcement officers have told me - that physically intervening would have likely only made the situation worse, endangering me, and further endangering Maggie.

No, it isn't.

Puck you. You are a piece of shiate if you accept another human being get beaten in front of you. No excuse, you are a farking coward for watching without acting.  Is there risk? Yes. Man up, grow a pair of ovaries, whatever it takes.

[watchout_badassoverhere.jpg]


Not badass. In fact, it worries me that so many people consider "being a human being" as being badass.
 
2013-02-28 11:15:11 PM  

Anderson's Pooper: Theaetetus: You realize that domestic violence can include yelling, right? It doesn't necessarily require someone to get beaten.
Basically, you're arguing that the main problem with VAWA is that you can't be emotionally abusive and threatening without getting in trouble.

If no one's health or life is actually threatened, then a CPO is NOT appropriate.'


Reading comprehension problems, or a belief that a threat must actually include physical damage? Either way, you're wrong.
 
2013-02-28 11:15:17 PM  

moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.


No, it's really not the same at all.
 
2013-02-28 11:15:32 PM  

dr_blasto: Abox: moonscatter: she was never at fault.

In that you can't blame a person for their own stupidity?

In that it isn't her fault he can't stop kicking her ass or breaking the law. It is his fault for crossing that line and his fault alone. Sure, she made the mistake of hanging out with a douchebag, but the penalty for that should not be an ass kicking in front of your kids.


It's amazing that this has to be explained to alleged adults on Fark.
 
2013-02-28 11:15:35 PM  

TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.


Just like Gun Control, that iron law stop the criminal from acting. Oh wait, he was charged under state law?

Yogimus: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

Link the act, specifically the portions you support.  I find "acts" that have feelgood names are more often than not complete bullshiat that do little to solve the issues they are named after.  Is beating a woman legal? No? Then why more laws? What is the benefit?


/50% snark, 50% curiosity.  Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.


Ok, you said it so much better than I could have.

moonscatter: Yogimus: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

Link the act, specifically the portions you support.  I find "acts" that have feelgood names are more often than not complete bullshiat that do little to solve the issues they are named after.  Is beating a woman legal? No? Then why more laws? What is the benefit?


/50% snark, 50% curiosity.  Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.

From my own experience, here is what VAWA has done for Houston, Texas:

Funded programs for peace officers (police, sheriff) to understand how to approach domestic violence cases, how to gather evidence, and how to talk to the victims  -- which leads to victims getting the help they need to get out

Funding to train prosecutors on how to prosecute these cases, especially since most of them involve a victim who is unwililng to testify or who has recanted due to family pressure

Funding for a kick-ass prosecutor I had the privilege to work for and social workers I got to work with who met with victims, got them the help they needed and also paid for us to get them protective orders so they have a chance to start their lives over


Oh, I see were you are coming from. Of course I live on the WEST COAST were these thing have been the law of the land  for decades.

TV's Vinnie: Yogimus: 50% snark, 50% curiosity. Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.

Nah. I'm just gonna sit back here with this bag of popcorn and watch the other Farkers Cluebat you into a pulp.


Whattsa matter Vinny, the "little women" isn't around for you to beat?

LadyHawke: Slam1263: Meh, she stays with the peice of filth, there must be something she likes about being someone's punching bag.

Go ahead, tell me she can't leave him for n reasons, but she can. All she has to do is pick up a phone, and dial the nearest shelter.

Trust me, those people are great, they could have gotten Eve Braun out of the bunker.

Read the article; she left after the first attack.


Sure, blame me because I didn't want to go through a broken slide show.

The cover photo was all I needed to figure out that the guy was a peice of feces.
 
2013-02-28 11:16:10 PM  
I can see how a mother of 2 children, being alone, with no income would latch onto anyone that would be able to possibly help. But look at this guy, in and out of prison his whole life, covered with prison tats from head to toe, obviously of low intellect and no future, and she is surprised that he resorts to physical violence during a argument, and that his persona is like that of a child, demanding her attention, and not understanding why she needs to spend more time with her toddlers. This was just horribly sad, but it was obvious that it would head that way. Feel sorry for the children, they are the true victims of circumstance and bad life choices.
 
2013-02-28 11:17:02 PM  
I might get a little concerned if a chick got a tat of my name on her neck. He looks kind of short (I am not internet tough guying here) but maybe he thinks the tats make him look tougher than he is.

The need to compete with the little boy says a bit about his maturity, not that anyone needs anymore reminders after the abuse.
 
2013-02-28 11:17:02 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: GoSurfing: the women I've liked that didn't give me the time of day were more talented/smarter/awesome/etc in every way, shape, form.

Sounds like the women made a really good choice then.  Did you ever consider trying to become more talented/educated/awesome so you could land women like that?  Or maybe settling for the kind of women who were actually as talented/smart/awesome as you are, rather than getting upset that people with more going on weren't lowering their standards for you?

If they really are more talented/smarter/awesome/etc in every way, shape, form then why would they possibly want to settle for someone less talented/dumber/less awesome than themselves - especially considering you wouldn't settle for the same?


Well, first, there was no "getting upset". I can handle my place in society. I know my place. I'm (attempting) to illustrate that your perception of the "nice guy" forging the woman into a trophy is not always the truth (or the opposite for that matter). And, yes, I would settle for less. I mean hell, this article is proof that people settle for less all the damn time. Not all relationships are based on people of equal social status. Some people like different things. They aren't all pegged to intelligence, appearance, wealth, and talent, believe it or not.

/was just trying to shed a different light on the angle you approached it from. I'm probably totally wrong.
 
2013-02-28 11:17:03 PM  

KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.


Domestic violence statistics show that there there is no socio-economic link to this behavior.  There is a positive correlation for those who come from patriarchal cultures.
 
2013-02-28 11:17:12 PM  
Good on her for leaving.
 
2013-02-28 11:17:17 PM  

ReapTheChaos: So, the photographer just stood there the whole time snapping photos  while both parties act oblivious to her presence then the dude beats the shiat out of his wife while someone snaps pics?

Bullshiat.



FTAI've been castigated by a number of anonymous internet commenters who have said that I should have somehow physically intervened between the two. Their criticism counters what actual law enforcement officers have told me - that physically intervening would have likely only made the situation worse, endangering me, and further endangering Maggie.


So either you didn't bother to read the article, or you think you're more of an expert on domestic violence than the police.
 
2013-02-28 11:18:08 PM  
My sister dated an asshole who physically beat her.  A date or two ended with him telling her "Get out of this farking car before I beat you."  She married him.

One morning, after she was in a car wreck which totaled her car, I drove to her place to take her to work.  She brought me into their fight where I watched him pick up a drinking glass and hit her with it.  I said "I'm ending this shiat now."  and called the police.  They showed up and my sister lied to protect her husband.  She told the police that I made the entire event up and that the fresh black eye was her getting her at work the day before.

When the police left, she asked if I was going to take her to work, I said "No.  fark you.  He beats you, I see it, and you insult me to the police.  You cut me down, the tell the police everything you can to discredit me, even telling them that I was a special needs child to let your husband get away with beating you up.  Fark you.  I don't give a damn what happens to you because when you have the chance to get out of it, you sell me out to save the sorry ass of that son of a biatch who beats you.  If he breaks your bones, if he chokes the life out of you, I don't care.  This is what you want, this is what you get.  When that bastard puts you in the hospital, don't ask me for sympathy because this is the life you want.  Now, go to that unemployed by choice wife beating asshole you married and ask him to get you to work because I don't care if you get there or not, and never again will I ever do a farking thing for you."  That was in 2005, and while he's beaten her some more, while he'shiat her with a car in a parking lot, after he's dislocated her shoulder once, I don't care.  She tells me and I look at her and tell her "It's what you wanted because you're dumb enough to think that he's worth it.  He's not.  He's a criminal who belongs in prison with other wife beaters."
 
2013-02-28 11:18:17 PM  

Anderson's Pooper: Theaetetus: You realize that domestic violence can include yelling, right? It doesn't necessarily require someone to get beaten.
Basically, you're arguing that the main problem with VAWA is that you can't be emotionally abusive and threatening without getting in trouble.

If no one's health or life is actually threatened, then a CPO is NOT appropriate.  People should not be removed from their home because of something that might happen.  If you want out of the relationship, file for divorce and custody.  If you or the kids have been actually physically abused, THEN get the CPO.  The problem with the VAWA is that it allows CPOs to be granted based solely on one party's testimony. If you want him out of the house then have him arrested and follow through on it.  Hopefully you'll never yell at your partner so you won't risk being forcibly removed from your home.  There is a vast difference between arguing and abuse.


Anderson, for most states, a protective order is not available if the verbal abuse stops short of creating a reasonable fear of assault or rape. (ie: calling someone b's and h's isn't enough),. Using that language is definitely something that can affect the underlying custody case, but should not necessarily bar a parent from access to their child or home.

The home thing is a bit weird, because you get into who actually  owns the home/is on the lease and is so subject to local laws and rules I won't even comment

/made the mistake of becoming a lawyer
// don't make the mistake of thinking I am *your* lawyer
///slashies!
 
2013-02-28 11:18:50 PM  

ciberido: ReapTheChaos: So, the photographer just stood there the whole time snapping photos  while both parties act oblivious to her presence then the dude beats the shiat out of his wife while someone snaps pics?

Bullshiat.


FTA:  I've been castigated by a number of anonymous internet commenters who have said that I should have somehow physically intervened between the two. Their criticism counters what actual law enforcement officers have told me - that physically intervening would have likely only made the situation worse, endangering me, and further endangering Maggie.


So either you didn't bother to read the article, or you think you're more of an expert on domestic violence than the police.


Can't it be both?
 
2013-02-28 11:19:20 PM  
timethemoment.files.wordpress.comView Full Size


He'll be making that face a lot in prison as he chugs tons of kawk.

What an ass... She made bad decisions of course, but nobody deserves to be mistreated.
 
2013-02-28 11:19:29 PM  
Yogimus, do you have the bestest neck tattoos in your trailer park, perchance?

[yes_total_badass_watchyerself.jpg]
 
2013-02-28 11:19:52 PM  

debug: moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.

No, it's really not the same at all.


I've watched a three year old little girl beat a barbie doll into losing it's limbs because of watching daddy put mommy in the hospital. when you actually have watched something like this, then you can make such an idiotic statement. until then STFU
 
2013-02-28 11:20:19 PM  

lokidecat: She made bad decisions of course, but nobody deserves to be mistreated.


It was so important of you to throw in that first clause, huh? Can't resist that little smug dig?
 
2013-02-28 11:20:37 PM  

ciberido: ReapTheChaos: So, the photographer just stood there the whole time snapping photos  while both parties act oblivious to her presence then the dude beats the shiat out of his wife while someone snaps pics?

Bullshiat.


FTA:  I've been castigated by a number of anonymous internet commenters who have said that I should have somehow physically intervened between the two. Their criticism counters what actual law enforcement officers have told me - that physically intervening would have likely only made the situation worse, endangering me, and further endangering Maggie.


So either you didn't bother to read the article, or you think you're more of an expert on domestic violence than the police.


I am the farking police. The concern for me, police wise, is that a report is easier to writhe when there is one victim and one witness, as opposed to two victims. Think about it, and ignore the appeal to authority: Why the hell would you watch a man beat a woman, when you could ACT?
 
2013-02-28 11:21:34 PM  

ongbok: When she puts herself back together again, she will be off again to find another person who can fulfill her needs the way she wants them to.


Pretty normal for military marriages.
It takes a toll for your man to be gone so much.

For some it brings them closer together having to go through it, but for many it's too hard on the person left at home.

Not to mention young military mens' affinity for marrying sluts/strippers....Just sayin....
 
2013-02-28 11:22:04 PM  

BenJammin: KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.

Domestic violence statistics show that there there is no socio-economic link to this behavior.  There is a positive correlation for those who come from patriarchal cultures.


Nice way to just pull this out of your ass.  Here is the actual truth of the matter:

"Although domestic violence occurs across income brackets, it is most frequently reported by the poor who more often rely on the police for dispute resolution. Victimization surveys indicate that lower-income women are, in fact, more frequently victims of domestic violence than wealthier women. Women with family incomes less than $7,500 are five times more likely to be victims of violence by an intimate than women with family annual incomes between $50,000 and $74,000. "

Rest is here:  http://www.popcenter.org/problems/domestic_violence/2
 
2013-02-28 11:22:13 PM  

GoSurfing: was just trying to shed a different light on the angle you approached it from


There are exceptions to every rule, and there are genuinely nice guys out there who have, in fact, been mistreated by the women they've known.

The difference between those guys and internet "nice guys" is that genuine guys understand that they've known some bad women - not that all women are bad.  And they recognize that the reason those women were shiatty wasn't because they were nice, but because those particular women were BAD WOMEN.

And they don't rush into threads on domestic violence to biatch that ALL WOMEN totally do this to themselves because ALL WOMEN are so stupid and love being abused and not treated nicely like nice guys would treat them.  Stupid women.
 
2013-02-28 11:22:13 PM  
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!



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2013-02-28 11:22:41 PM  

Yogimus: Why the hell would you watch a man beat a woman, when you could ACT?


And do...?

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the photographer is not Ronda Rousey. But if you have better information about her capabilities, feel free to offer them up.
 
2013-02-28 11:23:09 PM  

Ihaveanevilparrot: Anyway, point being, lack of tattoos and being "nice" in public, doesn't = nonabuser.


Yep.  Dude in TFA doesn't have money, connections and probably has worse impulse control than "normal" looking dudes.

There's plenty of educated, employed white collar guys in very nice houses who beat their wives, kids and girlfriends too.  They just wait until everyone leaves, or make sure that the abuse is verbal, or psychological, or in areas that don;t leave marks.  If they do lose control they have contacts and influence to sweep things under the rug.
 
2013-02-28 11:23:20 PM  
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IT'S MY TURN WITH THE REMOTE CONTROL!!!
 
2013-02-28 11:24:14 PM  

BSABSVR: Ihaveanevilparrot: Anyway, point being, lack of tattoos and being "nice" in public, doesn't = nonabuser.

Yep.  Dude in TFA doesn't have money, connections and probably has worse impulse control than "normal" looking dudes.

There's plenty of educated, employed white collar guys in very nice houses who beat their wives, kids and girlfriends too.  They just wait until everyone leaves, or make sure that the abuse is verbal, or psychological, or in areas that don;t leave marks.


Some people in this thread think that that shouldn't count and curse VAWA for applying to it.
 
2013-02-28 11:24:26 PM  
the only sad part of this story is that those poor kids don't stand a chance.
 
2013-02-28 11:24:51 PM  

TV's Vinnie: no protection for Native American women on reservations.


FTFY

from what I've seen
 
2013-02-28 11:26:42 PM  

moonscatter: debug: moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.

No, it's really not the same at all.

I've watched a three year old little girl beat a barbie doll into losing it's limbs because of watching daddy put mommy in the hospital. when you actually have watched something like this, then you can make such an idiotic statement. until then STFU


So you think seeing a parent have their windpipe crushed is the same as them having their own windpipe crushed?  Sounds like you're the idiot.  I don't think anyone would argue that it's not trumatic for the child, but it's not the same as actual physical violence at all.
 
2013-02-28 11:26:43 PM  

dforkus: And a moment to thank the corrections officers who will have to deal with this dirtbag...


May I suggest using a nightstick officer!
 
2013-02-28 11:26:51 PM  

Theaetetus: Yogimus: Why the hell would you watch a man beat a woman, when you could ACT?

And do...?

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the photographer is not Ronda Rousey. But if you have better information about her capabilities, feel free to offer them up.


Here is the thing (and the photographer would have no way of knowing this)

1. Abusive people are farking cowards. No, seriously... not because they abuse, but because of the pattern they develop
2. They train their victim for MONTHS prior to that 1st beating, to make sure they are dependent enough to not leave
3. They need to build up the courage to beat their victim.  See #1. This takes time.
4. When the beating occurs, it is almost sexual in its catharsis.
5. A variable introduced into this equation with fark it all up for the abuser.
6. Seriously.. how can you just WATCH?!
 
2013-02-28 11:27:39 PM  
I am actually physically sick. I have never heard of this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-h i gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0">http://www.nytimes.com/2012/0 5/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-hi gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0

I mean WTF? How the hell is this tolerated? WHY HASN'T THIS BEEN DEALT WITH BEFORE?

RAPE TOURS?!! How about NO!
 
2013-02-28 11:28:02 PM  

Theaetetus: Reading comprehension problems, or a belief that a threat must actually include physical damage? Either way, you're wrong.


I'll blame the wine for my lack of reading comprehension.  But if you think having your rights and property taken away based on uncorroborated testimony is appropriate then I think you're wrong.  The idea behind the VAWA is fantastic, the problem is that it HAS been abused.  There is no question that this has happened. As I said earlier, I blame our colleagues.  As a family law and criminal defense attorney, I have seen it too many times to remain neutral.  If there's a real problem, physical or not, then prosecute the criminal case.  Don't bring it as a half-assed civil case.
 
2013-02-28 11:29:08 PM  

Yogimus: I am the farking police.


That's the most depressing part of this entire thread.
 
2013-02-28 11:29:11 PM  
Yogimus:
I am the farking police. The concern for me, police wise, is that a report is easier to writhe when there is one victim and one witness, as opposed to two victims. Think about it, and ignore the appeal to authority: Why the hell would you watch a man beat a woman, when you could ACT?

Because as the article and numerous people have pointed out:  Intervening can make the attacker angrier ("How dare this biatch get in my farking way!") or actually get the victim to turn and get angry themselves ("Who the fark is this person to put themselves in MY family's business?!").  On top of that, unless you're capable of putting the S.O.B. down, picking a fight with him will just get you beaten up as well, and may get the initial victim beaten WORSE.

Appeal to Authority isn't a logical fallacy when the person legitimately knows what they're talking about.
 
2013-02-28 11:29:25 PM  

DeepDownHounds: /farking TERRIFYING


Particularly when you've been on the receiving end.

Not that anyone will pay attention or change an opinion, but I'm going to echo those who have said that not all abusers show outward signs in the beginning. You meet them as a clean cut 17 year old at church camp and find yourself 7 rears later wondering what the hell happened, why you didn't recognize it before he chucked you into the wall last week and how the hell to get out. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a mom to call who won't judge and will do everything in her power to get you and the other 3 living creatures out of the situation.
 
2013-02-28 11:29:49 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: GoSurfing: was just trying to shed a different light on the angle you approached it from

There are exceptions to every rule, and there are genuinely nice guys out there who have, in fact, been mistreated by the women they've known.

The difference between those guys and internet "nice guys" is that genuine guys understand that they've known some bad women - not that all women are bad.  And they recognize that the reason those women were shiatty wasn't because they were nice, but because those particular women were BAD WOMEN.

And they don't rush into threads on domestic violence to biatch that ALL WOMEN totally do this to themselves because ALL WOMEN are so stupid and love being abused and not treated nicely like nice guys would treat them.  Stupid women.


Your last two sentences, show me where I said that. I really hope you aren't implying that I'm doing the same. Not once did I insinuate it was her fault. Not once did I say anything to that effect. You do know other people said that upthread, not me, right?

I originally replied to your post that nice guys believe women to be inferior. I simply responded that I've observed this to be this opposite.

/peace dude
//don't rush into threads
///hell I almost never comment on fark at all anymore
 
2013-02-28 11:30:12 PM  

Theaetetus: Yogimus: Why the hell would you watch a man beat a woman, when you could ACT?

And do...?

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the photographer is not Ronda Rousey. But if you have better information about her capabilities, feel free to offer them up.


Even if it was a man, it's not like the guy was going to stop beating her and get all calm and relaxed if a man intervened. He is going to start fighting with who ever intervened. And this has led to many men being charged with assault when they have tried to intervene only to have both the woman and the abuser claim that the person intervening had attacked them when the police come.
 
2013-02-28 11:31:00 PM  

Ihaveanevilparrot: Via Infinito: I love how ignorant people were giving the photographer a bunch of shiat for not "intervening" in the assault.  Maybe she didn't want to get choked out too? She's a f*cking photographer, not a UFC fighter.

I've made a point to never get involved in a "domestic dispute" with people I don't really know. Family or close friends only, where I know both people well, know their mentality and reactions, and I have a better chance of de-escalating the situation

Taking sides can make the abuser more violent for one, not to mention half the time the woman starts taking the mans side and gets aggressive toward you for not minding your own business.



Seriously, call the cops first.

Not 6 months ago I was sitting in a park and ride, getting ready to start my car, when a young woman runs by screaming. And that's not something you see everyday in Bellevue.

I stupidly got out of the car and saw a guy grab her, so what does Slammy do?

Get's in the middle. Of course the guy wants to fight he's pissed, she screaming and crying, a dozen other assholes are just watching. He wants to fight.

All I can think of saying is; Do you know what this looks like?

The guy, and I am so glad he was Asian, suddenly looked absolutly shocked.

He started to say he was only trying to get her back in the car.

I told him it only looked to me like some guy was trying to drag a screaming woman into a car.

His attitude changed, if there was rock he would have crawled under it.

She called her family, I gave him my number if he wanted to talk about it later, because yes, we men really don't talk about this kind of crap with others, and we should.

He went his way,  a group of kids hanging out finally came over and offered to wait with her until she was picked up.

Me, I got the hell out of there.

No fisticuffs, no hard ass noise, just a little bit of experience with dumb young males, I am a former Marine, I was young and dumb, and everyone went home verticle.

Honestly, I bet she goes back to him, and she said this has happened before, next time, I hope they do it in another state so I don't have to hear about it.
 
2013-02-28 11:31:11 PM  
24.media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
2013-02-28 11:33:16 PM  
So, she left the soldier hubby when he was deployed because Mr Rock'n'Roll would give her bad boy thrills....and we're supposed to feel sorry for her? I feel sorry for her kids, certainly and her ex-husband, but she seems like a fool.
 
2013-02-28 11:33:17 PM  

BSABSVR: Yogimus: I am the farking police.

That's the most depressing part of this entire thread.


And yet you would rather have me take care of it FOR you? coward.
 
2013-02-28 11:33:26 PM  

Yogimus: Theaetetus: Yogimus: Why the hell would you watch a man beat a woman, when you could ACT?

And do...?

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the photographer is not Ronda Rousey. But if you have better information about her capabilities, feel free to offer them up.

Here is the thing (and the photographer would have no way of knowing this)

1. Abusive people are farking cowards. No, seriously... not because they abuse, but because of the pattern they develop
2. They train their victim for MONTHS prior to that 1st beating, to make sure they are dependent enough to not leave
3. They need to build up the courage to beat their victim.  See #1. This takes time.
4. When the beating occurs, it is almost sexual in its catharsis.
5. A variable introduced into this equation with fark it all up for the abuser.
6. Seriously.. how can you just WATCH?!


Well, gosh, Sparky, maybe since the photograph had no way of knowing any of that, that's why she didn't jump in? At least you admit that your criticism was unfounded.
 
2013-02-28 11:33:46 PM  
You'd think a guy with facial tattoos would have it more together.
 
2013-02-28 11:33:47 PM  

starrion: I am actually physically sick. I have never heard of this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-h i gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0">http://www.nytimes.com/2012/0 5/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-hi gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0

I mean WTF? How the hell is this tolerated? WHY HASN'T THIS BEEN DEALT WITH BEFORE?

RAPE TOURS?!! How about NO!


OK.  THAT is now the most depressing part of this thread.
 
2013-02-28 11:34:18 PM  
Staple this to your door. (literally this: print it out)

media.masslive.comView Full Size
 
2013-02-28 11:34:55 PM  
woops wrong thread
 
2013-02-28 11:35:04 PM  
Yogimus, you are a liar. Or the stupidest member of the law enforcement community there ever has been.

ANY time I've called law enforcement when witnessing someone being abused, they, without fail, assured me that was the right thing to do and to not have gotten involved myself.

Only if she was in danger of losing her life before the cops showed up would you get involved, and then only to the degree to delay or evade until law enforcement showed up.

[lying_douchenozzle.jpg]
 
2013-02-28 11:36:55 PM  

Bob Falfa: Aar1012: Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.

Ohio is in the South East now? When did it move?


SE Ohio (Athens is what I think Aar1012 is referring to since that is where OU is, although they also have a branch in Lancaster) is in Appalachia. Lancaster is just on the outskirts of Columbus and basically the start of SE Ohio where things go from city life to white-trashville.
 
2013-02-28 11:36:57 PM  

Yogimus: woops wrong thread


... well, that was creepy. Also, enjoy your timeout once the mods see it.
 
2013-02-28 11:37:07 PM  

JerkStore: I'm definitely not OK with this. I don't care what you call yourself, photojournalist, when a woman is being beaten in front of you, YOU FARKING DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE HER. You don't keep snapping pictures hoping to document...whatever it was you were trying to document. It's not a secret that women are beaten, yet you let it happen right in front of your eyes, never mind the children who will be royally farked up from these experiences.

Fail on so many levels. But at least you got some great shots and some buzz about your "important" work.

Fark you.


There's a reason why domestic violence calls scare cops more than anything, at least anything that doesn't involve an active shooter. They're a very dangerous situation for someone who tries to intervene. Emotions are extremely volatile, all parties concerned are very unstable, and in a split second, they can stop trying to kill each other and join forces against an outsider -- the person trying to intervene -- who now has two enraged people angry at them. Cops are trained to deal with this and it still scares them. A college student who finds herself in a totally unexpected situation which she has no background or training in how to cope with is not in a good place.

Let's say she grabbed Shane there and told him to stop choking Maggie. Shane is clearly in a blind rage and what little self-control he ever had is gone. So is he going to say "Oh, my bad. I'll stop now"? Or is he going to slug the photographer in the face and go back to choking Maggie? How exactly will she be helping the situation while unconscious on the floor?

As it is, she probably did more good for Maggie than any attempted intervention could have. The cops were already on their way. (note that the guy who called them ALSO didn't think personally wading into this morass of violence was a good idea). She documented the incident so thoroughly that Shane would have no hope of wiggling out of it in court. Her pictures probably have a fair bit to do with why Shane is back in jail and not in a position to do this to anyone else.

It's not a situation where there are any easy answers. Maybe not even any right answers. Calm Shane down so he can do this again after she leaves? Get punched in the face, something few women will volunteer to do? Record what's happening? She was there; I was not. I'm not about to second-guess her.
 
2013-02-28 11:38:07 PM  

starrion: I am actually physically sick. I have never heard of this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-h i gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0">http://www.nytimes.com/2012/0 5/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-hi gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0

I mean WTF? How the hell is this tolerated? WHY HASN'T THIS BEEN DEALT WITH BEFORE?

RAPE TOURS?!! How about NO!


=========
I hope nobody really is tracking my Google searches.
I typed in the keywords "rape" "tour" "reservations".
 
2013-02-28 11:38:34 PM  

Otto_E_Rodika: BenJammin: KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.

Domestic violence statistics show that there there is no socio-economic link to this behavior.  There is a positive correlation for those who come from patriarchal cultures.

Nice way to just pull this out of your ass.  Here is the actual truth of the matter:

"Although domestic violence occurs across income brackets, it is most frequently reported by the poor who more often rely on the police for dispute resolution. Victimization surveys indicate that lower-income women are, in fact, more frequently victims of domestic violence than wealthier women. Women with family incomes less than $7,500 are five times more likely to be victims of violence by an intimate than women with family annual incomes between $50,000 and $74,000. "

Rest is here:  http://www.popcenter.org/problems/domestic_violence/2

--
FACT: Studies of domestic violence consistently have found that battering occurs among all types of families, regardless of income, profession, region, ethnicity, educational level or race. However, the fact that lower income victims and abusers are over-represented in calls to police, battered women's shelters and social services may be due to a lack of other resources.

http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/domviol/myths.htm
 
2013-02-28 11:38:35 PM  
 
2013-02-28 11:38:53 PM  
I intended to paint a portrait of the catch-22 of being a released ex-convict: even though they are physically free, the metaphorical prison of stigma doesn't allow them to truly escape.

No agenda or bias there, right?
 
2013-02-28 11:38:54 PM  

BSABSVR: There's plenty of educated, employed white collar guys in very nice houses who beat their wives, kids and girlfriends too.  They just wait until everyone leaves, or make sure that the abuse is verbal, or psychological, or in areas that don;t leave marks.  If they do lose control they have contacts and influence to sweep things under the rug.


That's the thing. Guy in the article was very immature, probably grew up abused himself, and didn't have the control to even wait until people weren't present to document it. My dad was/is also very immature, but smart enough to know to hide it somewhat.

He rarely showed bad behavior toward me and my mom when people that might complain were around, and if he did it was very mild compared to at home alone.
And my family's excuses were "he's just under a lot of stress." It's amazing the excuses close family can make for a loved ones abuse, because they don't want to believe, or don't want to take responsibility for caring for a child in a bad situation.

I never hid how he was from anyone. I'd tell people about it, but knowing him outside of the home they assumed I was exaggerating. That's also my dad's favorite quote "she's exaggerating."
Over the years he's even tried to say I dreamt certain stuff and it didn't actually happen.
Now that I haven't lived there for years he's deluded himself into thinking things were better than they were, conveniently forgotten a lot of his behavior.
I have no doubt the reason he doesn't act abusive toward me now is he knows he has no control of me. I don't even live in the same state. When he comes to visit he's as nice as can be. The shiat had almost stopped completely BEFORE I even moved out because he knew I'd just leave.

Abusers need to have control of everything. It's when they feel themselves losing control that they become the worst. Once they've lost you altogether they're nice as can be, which is how women get tricked into coming back because "he's changed." But as soon as your back they're going to try and regain that control again. Some do it through physical intimidation, some mental, some both, but it's all abuse.
 
2013-02-28 11:39:15 PM  

TommyymmoT: starrion: I am actually physically sick. I have never heard of this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-h i gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0">http://www.nytimes.com/2012/0 5/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-hi gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0

I mean WTF? How the hell is this tolerated? WHY HASN'T THIS BEEN DEALT WITH BEFORE?

RAPE TOURS?!! How about NO!

=========
I hope nobody really is tracking my Google searches.
I typed in the keywords "rape" "tour" "reservations".


Book early, book often?
 
2013-02-28 11:40:05 PM  
I've not had a great day and really didn't need to click on the story...I'll cling to the fact that Maggie got herself very far away from scumbag Shane and that a whole lot of fellow Farkers have shown empathy in their comments.  Moving on to something less depressing and more suited to humor/snarky comments now...
 
2013-02-28 11:40:24 PM  
timethemoment.files.wordpress.comView Full Size


I want a pony!!
 
2013-02-28 11:40:48 PM  

Theaetetus: TommyymmoT: starrion: I am actually physically sick. I have never heard of this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-h i gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0">http://www.nytimes.com/2012/0 5/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-hi gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0

I mean WTF? How the hell is this tolerated? WHY HASN'T THIS BEEN DEALT WITH BEFORE?

RAPE TOURS?!! How about NO!

=========
I hope nobody really is tracking my Google searches.
I typed in the keywords "rape" "tour" "reservations".

Book early, book often?


Seriously, I just wanted to find an article about rape on the reservations.
 
2013-02-28 11:42:38 PM  

2wolves: Yogimus: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

Link the act, specifically the portions you support.  I find "acts" that have feelgood names are more often than not complete bullshiat that do little to solve the issues they are named after.  Is beating a woman legal? No? Then why more laws? What is the benefit?


/50% snark, 50% curiosity.  Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.

Helping to stop "Rape Tours" of reservations.

No, I'm not joking.


Rape, murdering, and stealing that which isn't fought hard enough for

moonscatter: Slam1263: moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.

How many men did you help?

No one believed me until I was in the hospital with a bullet in me.

Only had to shoot me once, and I was out of there.

SpdrJay: Dysfunction Junction....what's your function?

I'm still mad DJ went behind a paywall, so let's not rub salt into the wounds.

Egoy3k: The guy is a cock, but I can't help be feel sorry for him as well. He's just too flat out stupid to control his emotions. It's not like he set out to be a terrible human being. Alcohol, lack of an education, unresolved emotional issues and just plain stupidity are a bad mixture.

Valid point, I was raised in a very poor area, and there were only three kinds of men, those that wanted better, those that thought crime was easier, and the apathetic. Oh the dozen kids I ran around with, the five girls are all still alive, a couple are just barely alive, me, and one other guy are still kicking around.

I helped quite a few -- I was really lucky to work with an amazing group of social workers who helped me put together cases. The hardest part with cases where the men were being abused was to get them to come to court. They just would NOT testify.

I think the one that broke my heart the most, and was still so glad I got, was a man who was in his 60's who was being abused by a 20 year old girlfriend. In public, it was like Hugh Heffner ...


Much better, I have 3 DV arrests on my record, because it is almost always the man's fault, and I was threatened with never seeing my kids again, but after the shooting, and thank God her alibi fell through, a senior deputy came in and apologized because they had never believed me.

It's a good thing attitudes are changing.
 
2013-02-28 11:42:45 PM  
I have no clue how this can be real...

Did they stop and posed for the pictures?  they just are too detailed and scenic to be just random snapshots...

Someone in a really pissed off mood and violent, and he'd let someone stand there next to him and take pictures of him doing this stuff...?

I've known violent people and that's the last thing that they want... a record of them doing it...

Was the camera hidden or something?  Was the person invisible?

What did I miss after reading that article and looking at the pictures twice...?
 
2013-02-28 11:43:47 PM  

A Terrible Human: At least the someone called the cops and she left. Imagine shiat like that going on almost every night for years.



Based on the description, that's exactly what I expected.  This wasn't a normal happy couple descending into domestic violence, it's a violent ex-con who blew up and assaulted his girlfriend (and sort of her kids too).  And she was smart enough to get out of town instead of staying around.
 
2013-02-28 11:43:51 PM  

TommyymmoT: Theaetetus: TommyymmoT: starrion: I am actually physically sick. I have never heard of this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-h i gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0">http://www.nytimes.com/2012/0 5/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-hi gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0

I mean WTF? How the hell is this tolerated? WHY HASN'T THIS BEEN DEALT WITH BEFORE?

RAPE TOURS?!! How about NO!

=========
I hope nobody really is tracking my Google searches.
I typed in the keywords "rape" "tour" "reservations".

Book early, book often?

Seriously, I just wanted to find an article about rape on the reservations.


Worst Google search ever.
 
2013-02-28 11:44:53 PM  

grunthos: Yogimus, you are a liar. Or the stupidest member of the law enforcement community there ever has been.

ANY time I've called law enforcement when witnessing someone being abused, they, without fail, assured me that was the right thing to do and to not have gotten involved myself.

Only if she was in danger of losing her life before the cops showed up would you get involved, and then only to the degree to delay or evade until law enforcement showed up.

[lying_douchenozzle.jpg]


Do you REALLY... I mean REALLY expect anyone in a position of liability to tell you to do anything other than what is the absolute safest possible outcome for you?
 
2013-02-28 11:45:25 PM  
great photos, terrible headline

"A fascinating (and heartbreaking) look through a photographer's lens as he chronicles one couple's descent in domestic violence "

Sorry, but he has been in prison most of his life and she has been abused since she was very young.
So it chronicled only one of the most recent phases of their never ending trip through abuse.

/yes, I didnt bother reading the article, but I would bet my life and everything that I own, that she has been abused most of her life and gotten little or no treatment for it.
 
2013-02-28 11:45:53 PM  
timethemoment.files.wordpress.comView Full Size


This thread rocks!
 
2013-02-28 11:46:43 PM  

Theaetetus: It was so important of you to throw in that first clause, huh? Can't resist that little smug dig?


Look: what he did is inexcusable. I don't think she deserved it one bit. But how we select our mates is a big part of the end result. She had an idea of who he was when she met him. He snowed her with the "i'm a changed guy" bit without a doubt and maybe played to some of her insecurities.

Again, she doesn't deserve it... but that was a red flag from day one.
 
2013-02-28 11:48:12 PM  

Yogimus: Staple this to your door. (literally this: print it out)

[media.masslive.com image 665x481]


That blew my farkingmind...  I couldnt figure out where you were going with that in relation to this story, I was stuck on that pic for like a minute going "how the fark does that help!??!?!, is that for intimidation of abusing husbands? are we suposed to put it on their door to fark with them? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!?!?"  But instead one post down it turns out your trolling two threads and got confused.  But for like a minute almost, mind...blown.....
 
2013-02-28 11:48:46 PM  

A Terrible Human: BummerDuck: I obviously _could_ be wrong, but that gives me the conclusion that SHE had the power to get rid of him at any time. She chose not to, and so I only feel sorry for the kids for having an idiot for a mother, and potentially for the dad.

Quantum Apostrophe: Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.

/Your screen name wasn't just randomly selected, was it.

My father didn't drink,do drugs or have any tattoos yet he managed to beat my mom,sister and me for the first 14 years of my farking life. He threatened to beat my mom and me to death over child support. Take your nice guy bullshiat and cram it up your ass and farking die. You don't realize how bad shiat can get if you haven't lived through it.


So, your mom eventually left the bastard, good for her. To bad she didn't do it earlier, before you were scarred for life.
 
2013-02-28 11:48:57 PM  

Ihaveanevilparrot: Abusers need to have control of everything. It's when they feel themselves losing control that they become the worst. Once they've lost you altogether they're nice as can be, which is how women get tricked into coming back because "he's changed." But as soon as your back they're going to try and regain that control again. Some do it through physical intimidation, some mental, some both, but it's all abuse.


abusers and abused - children of the same parents. close to 100% were abused as children. few if any abusers or abused adults get there without being abused as children.

horrifying
truly horrifying
and the more I have learned over the years, the more horrified that I have become
 
2013-02-28 11:50:30 PM  

ongbok: [timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 850x566]

This thread rocks!


here's a hint ladies:
if they have tons of prison tats, DONT TALK TO THEM. RUN THE FARK AWAY
 
2013-02-28 11:51:27 PM  
orclover

Sorry man im farkin drunk
 
2013-02-28 11:52:28 PM  

namatad: but I would bet my life and everything that I own, that she has been abused most of her life and gotten little or no treatment for it.


So would I.

Hopefully she's smart enough to find/stay with a guy that isn't abusive, and stops trying to recreate and "fix" whatever abuse she went through before.

That's what I did. But then again my abuse was mild compared to some people, and I was smart enough not to have 3 kids by her age. So unfortunately it doesn't look good.
I've had a lot of friends with a similar background of poverty and abuse to me, and many of them just keep repeating it. They won't take advice, even from someone who got away from it.

Even if she wasn't abused BEFORE, this will have farked her up big time. With the military she likely has free access to therapists, so I can only hope she gets someone to talk to for her and especially her children. Once incident like this in a children's life can change them mentally forever.
 
2013-02-28 11:52:31 PM  

Yogimus: I am the farking police.


You are a farking liar. No police officer would advocate 3rd parties insert themselves into assaults, that's a great way to increase a victim count and get arrested. I've been arrested for intervening when a young guy was beating and robbing an old guy in a parking lot (with witnesses and security footage to that affect) and I was arrested. Every mother farker, from the arresting officer, to the magistrate, to the DA and judge told me I should not have physically got involved. The case was Nolle Pros, but that didn't matter, because I still had to deal with the bullshiat of getting arrested and fingerprinted and posting bail, and going to court. You're bullshiat and dishonest advice is a great way to get arrested. Just stop with the farking internet tough guy bullshiat. You're a farking liar.