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(Time)   A fascinating (and heartbreaking) look through a photographer's lens as she chronicles one couple's descent in domestic violence   (lightbox.time.com) divider line 585
    More: Sad, domestic violence, Ohio University  
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30767 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Feb 2013 at 10:06 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-01 11:08:03 AM  

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: He looks like he masturbates to Nascar.


That laugh was not something I was expecting from this thread.
 
2013-03-01 11:08:50 AM  

if_i_really_have_to: wickedragon: Yay for army dad! Gets his kids back :D

Army dad who got his girl pregnant at 15 and 17.  Highly likely to be emotionally immature.  Probably in the army because he was otherwise unemployable.  Yeah I'm sure he's a paragon of humanity.

Yay army dad, because if he's the army he must be good.  There are no violent, abusive trash in the infantry.  Oh wait, the DV rate in the military is more than four times that of the civilian population.

Abused women tend to go from one abuser to another.  Just saying.


Sadly this is the first thing I thought.

There's no place for a young man in this day and age if he isn't college or trade material, the only option left is army. Thanks to the Iraq and Afgani wars the standards dropped as well so it's a clusterfark.

I hope this chick doesn't turn out like my cousin, jumping from guy to guy and completely relying on him for support so she doesn't have to work. She has the mental maturity of a 19 year old and she's 36. It's sickening to watch. Thankfully, I don't ever believe she or her kids have ever been abused because they would have ended up in the Delaware river.

/Daddy issues is my best guess
 
2013-03-01 11:10:10 AM  

FARK rebel soldier: inner ted: lol freaking wut? that graph is just dumb
guessing these folks pay a LOT more taxes than any of us do

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 400x352]
[beckhamtattoo.com image 430x247]
[hoopdrive.com image 500x347]

/dumb stereotype is dumb

Implying they aren't hard prison inmates with the $ to stay out...


facepalm.jpg

do you have to remind yourself to breathe?
 
2013-03-01 11:13:38 AM  

FarkAllPoliticians: Ok.... Kept telling myself I wouldn't post this but here goes. abbreviated CSB: Dad respected in the community, mom stayed married to him 20+ years, beatings, guns pulled, verbal and mental abuse... Mom finally divorces him in '78 (me 10, older brother 14, younger sister 7) Moves us 1600 miles away in '79 because she realized that it would just continue even with the divorce. Fast forward WAY to many years.... Married to a wonderful woman (that puts up with my crap) and we have three amazing kids that I am awed by every single day. Every time I feel that I am about to Lose my temper I stop and remember the terror when I saw my father on top of my mom choking her and my older brother (11years old) with a shotgun pointed at my fathers head....... Well the cycle of abuse CAN be broken. And all it takes is self awareness, the will to do better and realizing that the only people that truly have your back in this world are dearly loved friends and family. The question I always had was: why would you abuse the only people in this world that would accept you for who you are, no matter what?!?!


Thank you.
 
2013-03-01 11:23:34 AM  

FarkAllPoliticians: Ok.... . Every time I feel that I am about to Lose my temper I stop and remember the terror when I saw my father on top of my mom choking her and my older brother (11years old) with a shotgun pointed at my fathers head....... Well the cycle of abuse CAN be broken.


True.  My Dad was abused by his father physically, and his mother emotionally.  He was an AMAZING father, and part of that was exactly what you said here - when he was losing his temper, he remembered how he felt and he would regain control.  Growing up, he never even raised his voice to us, in fear that it would be a slippery slope to what happened to him.

My husband's father was also abusive, although it was worst for his mother and younger brother.  Hubby is a pleaser personality, so escaped most of the worst of it.  His brother was defiant, stood up for himself and his mom.  Took the brunt.  Husband has a rage temper - it's quite terrifying when he loses it but he never directs it AT anyone.  It mostly gets turned on himself and I am left flabbergasted trying to console a grown man who has gone from sensible to toddler rage in ten minutes.  I must admit I had reservations before we had kids but since we have, he has never lost his temper in front of them, ever, and is a model of parental patience.  An ideal father.  A sometimes exhausting mate, however - there is something fearful and broken in there that will never be completely right.

You DO NOT HAVE TO BECOME WHAT YOU WERE RAISED TO BE.
 
2013-03-01 11:30:55 AM  

shortymac: if_i_really_have_to: wickedragon: Yay for army dad! Gets his kids back :D

Army dad who got his girl pregnant at 15 and 17.  Highly likely to be emotionally immature.  Probably in the army because he was otherwise unemployable.  Yeah I'm sure he's a paragon of humanity.

Yay army dad, because if he's the army he must be good.  There are no violent, abusive trash in the infantry.  Oh wait, the DV rate in the military is more than four times that of the civilian population.

Abused women tend to go from one abuser to another.  Just saying.

Sadly this is the first thing I thought.

There's no place for a young man in this day and age if he isn't college or trade material, the only option left is army. Thanks to the Iraq and Afgani wars the standards dropped as well so it's a clusterfark.

I hope this chick doesn't turn out like my cousin, jumping from guy to guy and completely relying on him for support so she doesn't have to work. She has the mental maturity of a 19 year old and she's 36. It's sickening to watch. Thankfully, I don't ever believe she or her kids have ever been abused because they would have ended up in the Delaware river.

/Daddy issues is my best guess


As a vet I have to take some offense to some of your comment. Yes there are some real slaprocks in the military, I served with a lot of them, but at least it gave them a place to go and something to do, that may not sound all that great but at least they were doing something moderatly productive. I had a technical job while I was in reparing missile systems. I got out 13 years ago and have done everything from telecom to R&D for flat panel TV screen manufacturing which included lasers, I now work in robotics. So there are a few of us that werent ready for college so we went in the military. I think I ended up alright. I really enjoy the fact that I got to spend my 20s in Europe rather than in a classroom. And as far as infidelity goes in the military it is rampant. I saw a lot of it when I was at Ft Stewart. My roommate was always bringing married chicks back to our apartment, some of them were civilian dependents and some were fellow soldiers. Worse time was when my roomie and I were working and the turret guy they assigned to help us was the husband of the chick my roomie had been banging for awhile. The turret guy had no clue, and was really helpful he even bought us lunch that day. I felt really bad for him and I also realized what  a dink my roommate was.
 
2013-03-01 11:41:20 AM  

CapeFearCadaver: imfallen_angel: I simply believe that the pictures are staged, as this is a school project and I don't believe an abuser like this, would stand having someone stand there snapping pictures of him while he's trashing the woman around..

When your ex was in a rage that was directed at you, would anything else take her attention off of that rage she had with you? Could she be snapped to notice anything else that was going on around her besides her anger with you?

The way my ex was, he wouldn't have even noticed another person around at certain point of his rage. Every ounce of his attention was focused on me and his rage at me and his need to punish me. Anything else peripheral did not enter the equation. I can totally see it.


My ex would certainly pay attention to what was around her, last thing she wanted was a witness, or labelled as the bad person (but the children didn't matter (too young in her eyes, I guess, as they still weren't far in their ability to talk yet ).  She would make sure that once the cops would show up that she'd play the victim and twist everything around.  Even managed to have me arrested... in court, she broke down and admitted to what really happened and the judge ordered her to take therapy (and she wasn't the person on the stand, but from the pews).

This isn't a "in a public place" scenario where the abuser goes nuts and doesn't care what's around him (like a bar).

It just doesn't work that way, this guy would have to be so fried that he wouldn't even be able to walk to not realize someone else is there and the flashes of the camera would cause an instinctive response.

As per the caption, he kept making her the offer "beating here and now or we go talk alone"... sorry but I just don't buy it... in full rage that he wouldn't notice someone snapping pictures away, he would not have been able to make such a "coherent" (if not pathetic) comment/statement/offer.

This would have to be a 1 in a several million chance that these people would be the type that do go blind to their surrounding to the degree that a person standing there with a camera, flashing away wouldn't impact their behavior, and I just don't believe it.
 
2013-03-01 11:46:13 AM  

imfallen_angel: It just doesn't work that way


Sometimes it does...

meh.
 
2013-03-01 11:47:38 AM  

imfallen_angel: As per the caption, he kept making her the offer "beating here and now or we go talk alone"... sorry but I just don't buy it... in full rage that he wouldn't notice someone snapping pictures away, he would not have been able to make such a "coherent" (if not pathetic) comment/statement/offer.


This photographer had been there for a month or so at this point, filming their life, for her story on the stigma of being an ex con.  She was background noise.  He didn't notice her because she had already become wallpaper to him.

You should read articles about the official presidential photographer.  They just sort of, disappear, after awhile.
 
2013-03-01 11:51:10 AM  
Oh, my God.

I have a 2 (almost 3) year old. To think of him being in the position of those little ones, especially the baby girl. Oh God.

My Mom was abused by more than one husband. My younger sisters and brother witnessed an especially horrific beating; I wasn't there or the asshole that did it would have had his balls wedged in his throat before he could have pulled another punch. Sometimes I wish time travel were possible, I'd go back and do just that.

Beautiful children. I hope that they as a family are doing well in Alaska and that their Mom and Dad are together and making a good life for them.
 
2013-03-01 11:57:38 AM  

Onkel Buck: shortymac: if_i_really_have_to: wickedragon: Yay for army dad! Gets his kids back :D

Army dad who got his girl pregnant at 15 and 17.  Highly likely to be emotionally immature.  Probably in the army because he was otherwise unemployable.  Yeah I'm sure he's a paragon of humanity.

Yay army dad, because if he's the army he must be good.  There are no violent, abusive trash in the infantry.  Oh wait, the DV rate in the military is more than four times that of the civilian population.

Abused women tend to go from one abuser to another.  Just saying.

Sadly this is the first thing I thought.

There's no place for a young man in this day and age if he isn't college or trade material, the only option left is army. Thanks to the Iraq and Afgani wars the standards dropped as well so it's a clusterfark.

I hope this chick doesn't turn out like my cousin, jumping from guy to guy and completely relying on him for support so she doesn't have to work. She has the mental maturity of a 19 year old and she's 36. It's sickening to watch. Thankfully, I don't ever believe she or her kids have ever been abused because they would have ended up in the Delaware river.

/Daddy issues is my best guess

As a vet I have to take some offense to some of your comment. Yes there are some real slaprocks in the military, I served with a lot of them, but at least it gave them a place to go and something to do, that may not sound all that great but at least they were doing something moderatly productive. I had a technical job while I was in reparing missile systems. I got out 13 years ago and have done everything from telecom to R&D for flat panel TV screen manufacturing which included lasers, I now work in robotics. So there are a few of us that werent ready for college so we went in the military. I think I ended up alright. I really enjoy the fact that I got to spend my 20s in Europe rather than in a classroom. And as far as infidelity goes in the military it is rampant. I saw a lot of it when I ...


I didn't mean to offend, like any organization the Army has it's decent guys and assholes, it's good and bad sides. Infidelity and emotional immaturity (married at 19 FFS) is what caused my cousin's young marriage to her High School sweetheart to fall apart, sadly with a kid in tow. There was a lot of shiat like this among her army peers at Fort Bragg.

It can be a great career choice if you're willing to work and learn. Hell the Salutiorian of my high school class is doing some secret electronics stuff in Germany and will make bank when he gets out.
 
2013-03-01 12:00:32 PM  

Civchic: This photographer had been there for a month or so at this point, filming their life, for her story on the stigma of being an ex con. She was background noise. He didn't notice her because she had already become wallpaper to him.

You should read articles about the official presidential photographer. They just sort of, disappear, after awhile.


I've been a photographer for a long time and done some major events, and I would be very discreet.. in that environment, yes, I agree... a good photographer knows how to be invisible in a crowd, side lines, etc... same as in a wedding.

But that's very different from standing in someone's living room with my flash going off while he's flipping out and attacking someone.

As I said... I haven't seen anyone post a link to the arrest info or mugshot, and if a crowd could do it, Farkers tend to find just about anything.

CapeFearCadaver: imfallen_angel: It just doesn't work that way

Sometimes it does...

meh.


Not saying it's impossible, but the odds are extremely against it...so much that I really have a lot of trouble believing that this is real.  It's just too convenient...
 
2013-03-01 12:17:57 PM  
I see he was making good life decisions after getting out of prison.  Neck tats... just like buying a finely tailored suit for that important job interview.

img.fark.net
 
2013-03-01 12:24:01 PM  

DeepDownHounds: [timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 735x490]

/farking TERRIFYING


Agreed.
 
2013-03-01 12:30:22 PM  
This woman has a pretty good breakdown of the events.
The images of the fight itself are arresting and disturbing, but Lewkowicz does more than bear witness to domestic violence. She also chronicled the entire process of domestic violence and how an abuser sets up the opportunity to beat his partner. I thought it might be a useful exercise to go through these photos (with links, because I don't have the rights to the pictures) and explicate the steps an abuser goes through in order to manipulate the victim into accepting abuse.
 
2013-03-01 12:39:05 PM  

TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.


Really, FarkLibtard? Republicans are for violence against women? Drink your kool-aid, and make sure it goes down the right pipe. Nobody would want you to die, or anything.
 
2013-03-01 12:46:05 PM  
 
2013-03-01 12:52:14 PM  

Repo Man: This woman has a pretty good breakdown of the events.
The images of the fight itself are arresting and disturbing, but Lewkowicz does more than bear witness to domestic violence. She also chronicled the entire process of domestic violence and how an abuser sets up the opportunity to beat his partner. I thought it might be a useful exercise to go through these photos (with links, because I don't have the rights to the pictures) and explicate the steps an abuser goes through in order to manipulate the victim into accepting abuse.


cant help but be reminded of:
cdn.uproxx.com
She's indicating a little bit too much premeditation on his part in the way she phrases things though.  "Once the victim is groomed, wait for an opportunity to claim she provoked you, and then beat her".  I doubt he was just sitting on his hands saying to himself, "boy oh boy, I can't wait for an opportunity to beat this one!"
 
2013-03-01 01:02:29 PM  
i2.listal.com
"Sometimes a lady just needs a good smack in the mouth!"
 
2013-03-01 01:17:16 PM  

serial_crusher: She's indicating a little bit too much premeditation on his part in the way she phrases things though. "Once the victim is groomed, wait for an opportunity to claim she provoked you, and then beat her".


No. Not really. It's a pattern. Many, many, many abusers behave this was. Most, in fact. As a victim, you see the patterns while you are in the abusive relationship and especially after. And then you might get lucky enough to watch him go through the same exact cycles and patterns with the next girls. Then counselors, therapists, lawyers, advocates, DAs, judges, family members, friends, etc. call all watch the same exact patterns. It's about control and rage.

I doubt he was just sitting on his hands saying to himself, "boy oh boy, I can't wait for an opportunity to beat this one!"

Most of them do just that. Ever seen Dexter? It's like an itch that they have to scratch. They know not to do it too soon, because she'll leave and he won't get the opportunity. Again: It's about control and rage.  They have the ability to control themselves, but that's not where the good adrenaline is.
 
2013-03-01 01:39:23 PM  
this strikes me a fairly minor. the dude pushed her and yelled at her. ive had way worse done to me. why are people losing their shiat about this?
 
2013-03-01 01:40:28 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: Most of them do just that. Ever seen Dexter? It's like an itch that they have to scratch. They know not to do it too soon, because she'll leave and he won't get the opportunity. Again: It's about control and rage. They have the ability to control themselves, but that's not where the good adrenaline is.


Problem with that is that it crosses over the debate... is it behavior learned, or are they "built" to be like this...?

I tend to believe that many are "built" like that, and the behavior learned only facilitate their way of thinking (my father/mother did it, so it's normal to want to act this way).

What I find funny is that while I myself have some aggressive sides to me, some are certainly due to having to fight a lot in my younger days (thanks to my dumb-arses siblings), and I abhor violence, I always understood that it was a part of me and have decided to control it...

And when my ex used to yell and hit me, I just knew that I had to hold back, control it and not respond, as I knew that with one strike, it would be "over" for me, as a man and she'd have won, and I'd end up in trouble, even knowing that she was managing to get away with it... in time it caught back to her, and I got custody of the kids, her word was completely worthless and she's now medicated for her paranoid schizophrenia.

Another "fun" point is my siblings... they have spent their lives whining about the "abuse and beatings" from our parents, something that I remember very much... as these "beatings" were NOT what they claim they were like, the reality is that my siblings were jerks and got a smack on the hands once in a while and the only violence I saw was when they actually were the ones being nasty (as in my parents were now defending themselves).

To this day, my siblings are all full of issues, and the behavior that they've had, has been nothing be negative and destructive towards others.  My parents are dead now and my relatives and such are all messed up as I do know that there was a LOT of abuse and violence from my grandparents on my mother's side (my father had tried to "save" her from this environment, only to have her die when she reached 40, thanks to the continual crap from her family, and then, her own children that added to this..) it's a lot and complicated story, but it's still amazing how people are built and how perception and mentality truly defines many and the impact on other's lives it has.
 
2013-03-01 01:42:05 PM  

GF named my left testicle thundercles: this strikes me a fairly minor. the dude pushed her and yelled at her. ive had way worse done to me. why are people losing their shiat about this?


He CHOKED her and threatened to kill her.

Adults don't so that.
 
2013-03-01 01:46:03 PM  

shortymac: GF named my left testicle thundercles: this strikes me a fairly minor. the dude pushed her and yelled at her. ive had way worse done to me. why are people losing their shiat about this?

He CHOKED her and threatened to kill her.

Adults don't so that.


oh her grabbed her face too (i dont see the choking). well ive had way worse than that done to me too.
 
2013-03-01 01:47:31 PM  

GF named my left testicle thundercles: this strikes me a fairly minor. the dude pushed her and yelled at her. ive had way worse done to me. why are people losing their shiat about this?


Probably a question of ITG syndrome for a few, and for others that it touched some over their own abuse and how the minor spats were... flashbacks I guess.

Some just aren't able to move on as others do, and it's the question of being a "survivor", a "victim", or someone that moved on and accepted their role in it.

And by "their role in it".. I'm not saying that they totally asked for it, not at all, but that they did end up in the situation and accepted it, because of fear, head games, guilt, etc...

Heck I'm guilty of that.. low self-esteem  for many years, then kids used against me... but I moved on, put my life together and no longer fear a lot of things, and actually much stronger for it.

The truth is... my ex would never have been able to have done any of the abuse had I not let it happened in a way or another.

It's complicated I guess... I hope you know what I mean.
 
2013-03-01 01:54:35 PM  

FarkAllPoliticians: Ok.... Kept telling myself I wouldn't post this but here goes. abbreviated CSB: Dad respected in the community, mom stayed married to him 20+ years, beatings, guns pulled, verbal and mental abuse... Mom finally divorces him in '78 (me 10, older brother 14, younger sister 7) Moves us 1600 miles away in '79 because she realized that it would just continue even with the divorce. Fast forward WAY to many years.... Married to a wonderful woman (that puts up with my crap) and we have three amazing kids that I am awed by every single day. Every time I feel that I am about to Lose my temper I stop and remember the terror when I saw my father on top of my mom choking her and my older brother (11years old) with a shotgun pointed at my fathers head....... Well the cycle of abuse CAN be broken. And all it takes is self awareness, the will to do better and realizing that the only people that truly have your back in this world are dearly loved friends and family. The question I always had was: why would you abuse the only people in this world that would accept you for who you are, no matter what?!?!


Similar story. A main reason why I waited until I was in my 40s before having a kid, the idea of repeating my father's mistakes just weighed too heavily.
Karma caught up to him, thankfully. He was dead for 2 weeks before anyone noticed, and that was only because of the smell. Died alone, unloved.
Who the fark can hit someone weaker, anyhow? I mean, how much of a coward do you have to be?
 
2013-03-01 02:02:34 PM  

Civchic: FarkAllPoliticians: Ok.... . Every time I feel that I am about to Lose my temper I stop and remember the terror when I saw my father on top of my mom choking her and my older brother (11years old) with a shotgun pointed at my fathers head....... Well the cycle of abuse CAN be broken.

True.  My Dad was abused by his father physically, and his mother emotionally.  He was an AMAZING father, and part of that was exactly what you said here - when he was losing his temper, he remembered how he felt and he would regain control.  Growing up, he never even raised his voice to us, in fear that it would be a slippery slope to what happened to him.

My husband's father was also abusive, although it was worst for his mother and younger brother.  Hubby is a pleaser personality, so escaped most of the worst of it.  His brother was defiant, stood up for himself and his mom.  Took the brunt.  Husband has a rage temper - it's quite terrifying when he loses it but he never directs it AT anyone.  It mostly gets turned on himself and I am left flabbergasted trying to console a grown man who has gone from sensible to toddler rage in ten minutes.  I must admit I had reservations before we had kids but since we have, he has never lost his temper in front of them, ever, and is a model of parental patience.  An ideal father.  A sometimes exhausting mate, however - there is something fearful and broken in there that will never be completely right.

You DO NOT HAVE TO BECOME WHAT YOU WERE RAISED TO BE.


Thank you for supporting him and helping him overcome his "demons". I have read a lot of comments in this thread that frighten the crap out of me for society as a whole. I usually lurk and ninety nine percent of the time come away disgusted by what some people would post in a thread. This one just hit a little to close to home but I have read a few posts in this tread that actually restore some of my faith in humanity. (I know that is rare for Fark). But again.... Thank you for your support of your husband.
 
2013-03-01 02:03:55 PM  
I knew a couple like this, fought constantly in front of friends to the point where we all stopped hanging out with them. One day she kicked him and he slapped the shiat out of her. She would scream the relationship was over, the marriage was off. She always got back together with him and is married to him to this day. I don't know if they're still like that, I hope not.
 
2013-03-01 02:18:56 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: FarkAllPoliticians: The question I always had was: why would you abuse the only people in this world that would accept you for who you are, no matter what?!?!

I just want to internet hug you. Thank you for breaking that cycle.


Wow! My first Internet hug. :-). Thanks.
 
2013-03-01 02:33:43 PM  
Ok for all of you being pissed at the Photagrapher and wondering why He didn't step in.

He is a tiny chubby jewish girl in university.
Sara Naomi Lewkowicz is a photographer and first year graduate student at Ohio University in Athens

Also this explains why the drunk asshole ignored her. She was no threat in his eyes.
If the other people in the house had not called the cops we would have never seen these pictures because he would have attacked her to to get them.

read the entire thing don't just look at the pics.
 
2013-03-01 02:34:36 PM  

Kensey: gadian: Wow, lotsa bitter "nice guys" in this thread.  Which makes you laugh because genuinely nice guys don't have trouble finding nice girls.  If all the girls you find are evil, manipulative biatches or ignore you, the problem is you not all the girls you've been after.

Here's the big issue I have with all the "nice guy" hate that's been flying around lately: a lot of nice guys(tm) who lament their role in such terms are put in that role by a woman they know.  These nice-guys-tm didn't seek it out and most often wish the woman in question would go away.  They're not mooning over her -- they're hearing about her asshole boyfriend/husband and what a jerk he is and thinking "So dump his ass and go find a guy like you claim to want instead, you giant idiot".  But here's the thing, not being raging assholes themselves, they wouldn't ever be so blunt as to say that, and if they did it would provoke the recitation of a litany of reasons why the woman in question couldn't or shouldn't dump the zero and find a hero.  (I knew two such women at different times in my early 20s.  Both were a chore just to be around, but not being around them wasn't feasible -- one was dating my college roommate and the other I worked with.  In both cases as the "nice guy" I wanted anything but to be in a relationship with them.)

These are entirely distinct from the "nice guys" who are one secret-admirer-note away from a restraining order, and deserving of suspicion as to their motives.  (Or nice girls -- I knew one girl who fit the nice-guy-gimme-sex stereotype to a T, the object of her passive-aggressive affections being the same college roommate mentioned above.)


This. Everyone is equating real nice guys with the manipulative player who is nice to the girl but mean to everyone else.

That guy who takes your call when you are upset or want to complain is nice. He may never make a move or say anything, but deep down he can't believe that you won't leave the guy that treats you wrong but you "love".

That guy that seems sooo nice at the beginning (ignoring the fact that he yells at service people or treats other people like crap), but then soon becomes mean when he doesn't get his way is a manipulating player that is playing.

Learn the difference, ladies.
 
2013-03-01 02:36:10 PM  

mitEj: Ok for all of you being pissed at the Photagrapher and wondering why He didn't step in.

He is a tiny chubby jewish girl in university.
Sara Naomi Lewkowicz is a photographer and first year graduate student at Ohio University in Athens

Also this explains why the drunk asshole ignored her. She was no threat in his eyes.
If the other people in the house had not called the cops we would have never seen these pictures because he would have attacked her to to get them.

read the entire thing don't just look at the pics.


http://mattrothphoto.com/blog/2011/09/baltimore-dc-photographer/geek fe st-2011-part-1/geekfest-2011-24/

Wouldn't let me post the pic here is her according to google.
 
2013-03-01 02:36:23 PM  

GoSurfing: Freudian_slipknot: megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I think most of them focus on the "nice" thing because they have to work SO HARD to be a decent human towards women, who they clearly actually think are sub-humans or uninteresting or otherwise unworthy of friendship, that all they can think of is the sheer wasted effort that went into treating them like people, only to receive little or no sex in return.

Guys who treat women like actual people by reflex rather than design don't consider themselves to be particularly "nice guys."  Like you said, they're just guys.  Guys who don't actually hate women.

/bet the guy in the article considers himself a nice guy
//would tell you all about the biatches who left him for no reason for some other asshole

Not to defend the supposed "nice guys", but from what I know it's the inverse. They don't work so hard to be decent towards woman because they think women are sub-human. You're approaching it from the opposite angle. The "nice guys" have to work so hard because the women they want are <i>super</i> human, i.e. unobtainable and out of their reach. The "nice guys" come from the point of inferiority, not superiority to the women. Pretty damn simple.


That is a very good point.  I admit that I was once one of these "nice guys".  After dating many girls and being friendzoned almost every time, I realized that my lack of confidence in myself was what drove these girls away.  Women don't like bad guys more than nice guys, they like confident men and sometimes those confident men are douche, sometimes they're nice guy.
 
2013-03-01 02:40:48 PM  

inner ted: guessing these folks pay a LOT more taxes than any of us do


Yep, those blue collar workaday salt of the earth typical people with regular jobs really make the point you're shooting for.
 
2013-03-01 02:44:10 PM  
the best part is she left the bar because some other girl talked to him and she got jealous
 
2013-03-01 02:45:08 PM  

FarkAllPoliticians: Thank you for supporting him and helping him overcome his "demons". I have read a lot of comments in this thread that frighten the crap out of me for society as a whole. I usually lurk and ninety nine percent of the time come away disgusted by what some people would post in a thread. This one just hit a little to close to home but I have read a few posts in this tread that actually restore some of my faith in humanity. (I know that is rare for Fark). But again.... Thank you for your support of your husband.


Nobody's perfect!  :)  And I love him, demons and all.  If he ever did raise a hand to one of our kids he wouldn't get a second chance to do so, but I really *know* that he never will.  He's never even raised his voice at them, even in those moments (everyone with kids knows this feeling) when you're already frustrated/angry about something and then this small person is throwing a fit for no reason, and another small person is saying "Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Daddy! Daddy!"

It can be a lot of work to love someone like him, though.  Like I said, I don't think he will ever truly bring down the walls inside his mind for anyone but his own children.  He loves me and is a good husband and a great friend, but he is...armoured.  Protected.
 
2013-03-01 02:52:10 PM  
It's very hard to feel sorry for white trash that get themsleves into these predicaments!!!  Come on!  They weren't dating but she visited him IN JAIL!!!!  Then they started dating after he got released!!!!  Oh, he's a GREAT CATCH!!!  Way to go stupid!!!  He needs to hit her again just for good measure and make sure she's got the stupid knocked out of her!!!
 
2013-03-01 03:04:00 PM  

Civchic: FarkAllPoliticians: Thank you for supporting him and helping him overcome his "demons". I have read a lot of comments in this thread that frighten the crap out of me for society as a whole. I usually lurk and ninety nine percent of the time come away disgusted by what some people would post in a thread. This one just hit a little to close to home but I have read a few posts in this tread that actually restore some of my faith in humanity. (I know that is rare for Fark). But again.... Thank you for your support of your husband.

Nobody's perfect!  :)  And I love him, demons and all.  If he ever did raise a hand to one of our kids he wouldn't get a second chance to do so, but I really *know* that he never will.  He's never even raised his voice at them, even in those moments (everyone with kids knows this feeling) when you're already frustrated/angry about something and then this small person is throwing a fit for no reason, and another small person is saying "Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Daddy! Daddy!"

It can be a lot of work to love someone like him, though.  Like I said, I don't think he will ever truly bring down the walls inside his mind for anyone but his own children.  He loves me and is a good husband and a great friend, but he is...armoured.  Protected.


You are a good wife and an awesome mother. My wife has (had) the same issues with me. Open communication will help and you reminding him what an awesome dad he truly is. OK. Last post.... Freaking dusty in here.
 
2013-03-01 03:06:17 PM  

robertmeerdahl: Slam1263: ...

No fisticuffs, no hard ass noise, just a little bit of experience with dumb young males, I am a former Marine, I was young and dumb, and everyone went home verticle.

Honest ...

there was an almost indentical situation in my city recently, where the Slam1263 equivalent got stabbed to death doing this


If the kid had been a beautiful Nubian, I would have retrieved my tire iron first, but I live in a fairly well-off area, and most Nubians, such as myself, tend to be much less violent than the inner city types.

But your's is a honest apprasial of what happens at times.
 
2013-03-01 03:06:49 PM  

imfallen_angel: ..

Has anyone found the arrest info, mugshot?

Yep.
http://www.drc.state.oh.us/OffenderSearch/Search.aspx
img src=img26.imageshack.us
 
2013-03-01 03:08:16 PM  

Fuggin Bizzy: inner ted: guessing these folks pay a LOT more taxes than any of us do

Yep, those blue collar workaday salt of the earth typical people with regular jobs really make the point you're shooting for.


what kind of stupid is this?

they earn their money with hard work to be the best in the world at what they do
many of these same athletes come from a very 'salt of the earth typical people with regular jobs' background

so they aren't allowed to ascend the social ladder? that is reserved for "others" ?
they should 'know their place' ???

how dare they try to elevate from poverty right?

protip: their wealth is far more legitimate than most

also:
umadbro?
 
2013-03-01 03:17:49 PM  

zabadu: Yep.


I heart you.
 
2013-03-01 03:22:28 PM  

imfallen_angel: GF named my left testicle thundercles: this strikes me a fairly minor. the dude pushed her and yelled at her. ive had way worse done to me. why are people losing their shiat about this?

Probably a question of ITG syndrome for a few, and for others that it touched some over their own abuse and how the minor spats were... flashbacks I guess.

Some just aren't able to move on as others do, and it's the question of being a "survivor", a "victim", or someone that moved on and accepted their role in it.

And by "their role in it".. I'm not saying that they totally asked for it, not at all, but that they did end up in the situation and accepted it, because of fear, head games, guilt, etc...

Heck I'm guilty of that.. low self-esteem  for many years, then kids used against me... but I moved on, put my life together and no longer fear a lot of things, and actually much stronger for it.

The truth is... my ex would never have been able to have done any of the abuse had I not let it happened in a way or another.

It's complicated I guess... I hope you know what I mean.


I can be a snarky troll, but having been through that myself, I can relate.

Accepting that your actions were part and parcel to what happens is hard, most people don't even want to project personal responsibility onto others.

If my Xwife had a neck tat, I WOULD HAVE KNOWN TO STAY AWAY. That is the whole purpose of them, they are a visible warning to others.

And yes ladies, if you have a chest/neck/face tat, you are insane. Men too, I won't let you off the hook.
 
2013-03-01 03:24:23 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: zabadu: Yep.

I heart you.


Took me a couple of hours, but at least it proves it isn't "fake" like the internet tough guys want to believe.
 
2013-03-01 03:29:44 PM  
http://www.salon.com/2013/03/01/dont_blame_the_victim_or_the_photogra p her/singleton/
Responding to a photo essay on domestic violence, commenters attacked everyone except the abuser
 
2013-03-01 03:37:10 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: Tumunga: Republicans are for violence against women?

http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2013/02/28/1651051/vawa-passes/


So, it passed a Republican majority in the House. So the Republicans agree with the Democrats on this? Why aren't all the FarkLibtards getting all headassploded over this?
 
2013-03-01 03:58:28 PM  

zabadu: imfallen_angel: .. Has anyone found the arrest info, mugshot?

Yep.
http://www.drc.state.oh.us/OffenderSearch/Search.aspx
img src=[img26.imageshack.us image 800x526]


Thanks...

That really makes this just...  even more pathetic I guess... And I'll be honest here... for all involved.

I guess that at this point, with the jealousy point, and her being with him while away form her husband and all, this just ends up reminding me of: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U

I'm just surprised that no one mentions "lucky that he didn't tie her to a bed and burn the house down"... unless I missed it.
 
2013-03-01 04:03:14 PM  

Freudian_slipknot: Virtuoso80: As a 'nice guy', I can tell you it began more, for me, like dealing with women as an alien race.

Interesting.  What does your psychiatrist say about your mental issues?  Because if you identify with the shiatbag in this article at all, you should REALLY be getting help.


My most recent psychiatrist was a guy, and he could relate to my issues not understanding women.

As for this guy: Like I said, I've never hit anyone my entire adult life. Violence is just not the way I deal with things. Why do I relate to him? Because I understand the terrible need, fear, and insecurity that go into it. What set him off? She 'abandoned' him at a club. His worst fear. The thing he cannot stand to have happen - abandonment. To quote a crappy Metallica album, "Love is control, I'll die if I let go!"

So yes, I understand it. The point I stop relating is where he sees fear in his wife's eyes and enjoys it. Well, that and the point where he got a stupid giant neck tatoo.
 
2013-03-01 04:11:10 PM  

zabadu: http://www.salon.com/2013/03/01/dont_blame_the_victim_or_the_photogra p her/singleton/
Responding to a photo essay on domestic violence, commenters attacked everyone except the abuser


As per my other post I just did...

I believe that at some point, at some level, all of them were players in this.

Of course the abuser is the worse character in this drama, but the others all knew that something was going to happen, there's just no way that not one of them didn't see it coming.

Frigging mind games and crap like this is just sad... Nothing could convince me that the photographer was in "shock" when it happened, nor as the pictures were being snapped, did she not hope that they'd come out well...

That they aren't staged is still hard to believe to be honest... there's just no way that in today's world of the internet celebrity, that he (and the victim) didn't realize that someone was just standing there and didn't react to the flashes.

Oh well... it's just... lack of words.. really.

And not so much the violence, but the way, the reason, and what was done, etc...
 
2013-03-01 04:16:32 PM  

Virtuoso80: Freudian_slipknot: Virtuoso80: As a 'nice guy', I can tell you it began more, for me, like dealing with women as an alien race.

Interesting.  What does your psychiatrist say about your mental issues?  Because if you identify with the shiatbag in this article at all, you should REALLY be getting help.

My most recent psychiatrist was a guy, and he could relate to my issues not understanding women.

As for this guy: Like I said, I've never hit anyone my entire adult life. Violence is just not the way I deal with things. Why do I relate to him? Because I understand the terrible need, fear, and insecurity that go into it. What set him off? She 'abandoned' him at a club. His worst fear. The thing he cannot stand to have happen - abandonment. To quote a crappy Metallica album, "Love is control, I'll die if I let go!"

So yes, I understand it. The point I stop relating is where he sees fear in his wife's eyes and enjoys it. Well, that and the point where he got a stupid giant neck tatoo.


It's called "growing up", which you obviously haven't done yet.  Until you are over your abandonment issues, you have no business being in a relationship.

That being said, this had nothing to do with abandonment issues.  It had everything to do with control issues.
 
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