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(Time)   A fascinating (and heartbreaking) look through a photographer's lens as she chronicles one couple's descent in domestic violence   (lightbox.time.com) divider line 585
    More: Sad, domestic violence, Ohio University  
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30765 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Feb 2013 at 10:06 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-01 02:16:42 AM

Terrible Old Man: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Wow, really? You think an overweight, unemployed, single mother with obvious low self-esteem and no options with 2 kids has choices in her love life? Why the hell did you think she was relegated to prison men?

You're as disgusting as the abuser is.


Not to completely blame the victim here, but you don't become a single mother of two at age 19 by making good decisions. (To be fair, she was probably the kid of a single mother herself and had never even been taught what good decisions were. And school and society in general sure as hell isn't doing much to help girls and women in that regard.)

I highly doubt Mr Prison McRockband was the only option on her table. But he made her vagina tingle and that was all that mattered to her. The sad thing is, there are a fair number of women who choose alpha d**kbags based on the raw attraction said d**kbags generate in them. Our brains were wired by evolution several thousand years ago and women in particular were hardwired to love savage, brawny, aggressive men because those were the kinds of men most suited to living way back in caveman times. (While the nice guy betas were more likely to fall victim to predators and rivals.) Sadly, the tide has turned completely around--the science geek betas are better suited to survival in the modern cubicle farm while the thugs and alphas (if they don't rise to the top of the heap and become sociopathic CEOs,) are more likely to wind up in prison. And are more likely to smack their girlfriends around.

Better to marry a boring beta. (You can at least fantasize he's some alpha ripped-shirt romance novel hero while you're having sex with him...)
 
2013-03-01 02:23:21 AM
once again white trash seeks out white trash. what will become of the kids? lets just say it's the circle of white trash
 
2013-03-01 02:23:53 AM
People in cramped quarters often argue and it can escalate to violence.  Men have more upper body strength than women.  It's never pretty and it almost always happens with the same plot line.  Sad, that.  When life is one long slog through almost enough, you get bitter and tired.  Please don't marry too young or too poor.  The world can wait.  Try and remember to be kind to those you care for.  We need more of that.
 
2013-03-01 02:29:18 AM
Yogimus wins the thread. 10/10. Even after posting the wrong troll in the wrong thread, they just kept biting. Out-farking-standing.
 
2013-03-01 02:30:39 AM

JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.


You sound bitter that you can't get a woman.
 
2013-03-01 02:33:17 AM
The man apparently just wanted a steak. He was also wondering where his child's clothes were.
 
2013-03-01 02:40:57 AM

zabadu: If she had a kid at 15, I'm pretty positive that parental attention was something she missed out on for a long time.


TFA says her mother died of a drug overdose when she was 8. She was farked from the start and statistically should have ended up dead in the gutter after a short life as an abused stripper/hooker; I'm honestly just feeling positive about humanity over the fact that she had a relatively decent life and the fortitude to throw him out after the first beating.

Someone made mistakes, and didn't repeat them, gets castigated by bystanders who've all made their own. Well, we'll have to see how military baby-daddy turns out, but he beats prison trash.
 
2013-03-01 02:44:18 AM

Bob Falfa: Aar1012: Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.

Ohio is in the South East now? When did it move?


The South East moved to Ohio a long time ago, and sent reinforcements after WWII.
 
2013-03-01 02:46:07 AM

Bit'O'Gristle: I can see how a mother of 2 children, being alone, with no income would latch onto anyone that would be able to possibly help. But look at this guy, in and out of prison his whole life, covered with prison tats from head to toe, obviously of low intellect and no future, and she is surprised that he resorts to physical violence during a argument, and that his persona is like that of a child, demanding her attention, and not understanding why she needs to spend more time with her toddlers. This was just horribly sad, but it was obvious that it would head that way. Feel sorry for the children, they are the true victims of circumstance and bad life choices.


Desperation can lead to stupid decisions.

Also, take a moment, and think about any men you know who are adults, have jobs, and generally have their shiat together.  Now take a moment and think about how many of them would decide to get seriously involved with a woman who was pregnant at 15, has two very young children, and is unemployed?

The woman did not deserve to have some prison-inked shiat bag throw her around.  But the vast majority of well adjusted men are going to want to stay the hell away.

END COMMUNICATION
 
2013-03-01 02:48:42 AM

Torchbone: Aar1012: Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.

Well, two points. 1) the photographer is a woman, submitter, and 2) she is a student at Ohio University, and so, judging by the reaction of this thread, is working on illuminating the poverty and social problems just outside the Athens city limits. There are students from OU who care and contribute to the community and its issues. And, admittedly, thousands who drink themselves silly on Court Street Thursday through Saturday.


The issue about "the community" is that it has high unemployment.  If OU students stick around, they are almost certain to be underemployed or unemployed.  Students do not spend 4 years in college to rot in the foothills.
 
2013-03-01 02:51:11 AM
I'm a nice guy. I still do okay with the ladies. Mostly because I'm pretty with casual scars and aloof by nature. But I actually am nice. I'm not so sure a lot of self-declared nice guys are actually nice, so much as they are timid, petty, and passive aggressive. Women generally don't like those traits.
 
2013-03-01 02:52:09 AM
Where are the fathers? Hers needed to teach her how to be treated, and his needed to teach him how to treat. Sadly...the cycle will likely continue.
 
2013-03-01 03:04:27 AM

lolpix: dmax: And yet there's always some smartass telling me I'm wrong when I say this:

People that are convicted of severe violent crimes should be sterilized and not allowed to create more children. Men or women. they've abdicated from their option to raise helpless little tablas rasa. It would be right for our society. Scenarios like this only reinforce what I've known since I was very very young.

Violent people make poor parents.

Forced sterilization is a form of violence perpetrated by the state. If violent people make for poor parents, how much more so does a violent state make for a poor nation?


Wow. Stuff like that is what perpetuates the preventable but unnecessary violence in our country. Fortunately, it's obviously reactionary and sounds a little sophomoric. But now you've had your say.
 
2013-03-01 03:23:34 AM
This is so sad for (almost) everyone involved.
He obviously wanted a better life, and tattooing her name on him does say something about how he felt about the relationship.
It's obviously sad for the both of them that a relationship ends so badly.
It's sad for her for getting attacked like that. Those scars will last for years.
It's sad for the little girl that she witnessed it, although from her behaviour it might just make her stronger.
It's sad for the boy that his mom will be sad and he can't understand it, but he'll probably just be glad that the asshole is gone.

Yay for army dad! Gets his kids back :D
 
2013-03-01 03:31:20 AM

wickedragon: He obviously wanted a better life, and tattooing her name on him does say something about how he felt about the relationship.


I like pizza, but I'm not going to have a Papa John's logo tattooed across my throat in some idiotic gesture to show it.

Notice how it's also in a blood-dripping horror font as well. Not a good sign.
 
2013-03-01 03:51:19 AM

dmax: lolpix: dmax: And yet there's always some smartass telling me I'm wrong when I say this:

People that are convicted of severe violent crimes should be sterilized and not allowed to create more children. Men or women. they've abdicated from their option to raise helpless little tablas rasa. It would be right for our society. Scenarios like this only reinforce what I've known since I was very very young.

Violent people make poor parents.

Forced sterilization is a form of violence perpetrated by the state. If violent people make for poor parents, how much more so does a violent state make for a poor nation?

Wow. Stuff like that is what perpetuates the preventable but unnecessary violence in our country. Fortunately, it's obviously reactionary and sounds a little sophomoric. But now you've had your say.


It's neither reactionary nor sophomoric, but it's good to see a person working on their vocabulary words.
 
2013-03-01 04:08:53 AM

DrPainMD: VAWA should have been voted down because there's no federal issue involved.


We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence,[note 1] promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

so yah
about those states' rights

if the states HAD been protecting women's welfare, enforcing the laws when women were beaten, raped and abused, well then, there would have been no need or reason for the feds to step in.
but the states COMPLETELY and TOTALLY had been failing women.

look at any stats pre-VAWA and tell me honestly that women were being protected by the courts.
 
2013-03-01 04:12:33 AM

Lord Zardoz: Also, take a moment, and think about any men you know who are adults, have jobs, and generally have their shiat together.  Now take a moment and think about how many of them would decide to get seriously involved with a woman who was pregnant at 15, has two very young children, and is unemployed?

The woman did not deserve to have some prison-inked shiat bag throw her around.  But the vast majority of well adjusted men are going to want to stay the hell away.

END COMMUNICATION


eyup
way way way way BEYOND damaged goods.
into the batshiat crazy
and of course she was abused when she was younger. 3 kids? first one when she was 15? unemployed? not living with the kids father(s) or her parents?? mhmm

so, even if you were insane enough to be interested in this women, how many times would you put up with her talking to/going back to/dealing with the baby daddies?
how much contact would you want to have, let alone the kids or her?? 

BLARGHHHH
 
2013-03-01 04:37:04 AM
www.usmagazine.com

White people and their drama...
 
2013-03-01 04:38:59 AM
Why is the goofy cop in here asking someone else if he'd "jerk off to the lady being beaten"?

Is that the way a cop is supposed to be?
 
2013-03-01 04:41:14 AM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-03-01 04:41:48 AM

wickedragon: Yay for army dad! Gets his kids back :D


Army dad who got his girl pregnant at 15 and 17.  Highly likely to be emotionally immature.  Probably in the army because he was otherwise unemployable.  Yeah I'm sure he's a paragon of humanity.

Yay army dad, because if he's the army he must be good.  There are no violent, abusive trash in the infantry.  Oh wait, the DV rate in the military is more than four times that of the civilian population.

Abused women tend to go from one abuser to another.  Just saying.
 
2013-03-01 04:53:26 AM
"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them."

This guy not so quiet and not on key.
 
2013-03-01 05:08:51 AM

farkingismybusiness: [25.media.tumblr.com image 500x362]



"I beat women not animals"
I find it difficult to believe that he's never beat himself off.
Most likely, while staring in a mirror.
 
2013-03-01 05:12:15 AM
 At least she ended it before shiat got real.
 
2013-03-01 05:16:35 AM

HBK: Nice guys- here's a simple flow chart

Are you at all sexually interested in this woman?

IF NO- it's okay to be nice and do favors for her. She's your friend, just like your male friends. There's not supposed to be any sexual tension here.

IF YES- be amicable, but do not be her friend. Do not do any favors for her. Do not sit on the phone listening to her talk about her boyfriend "Look, I don't have time for this." Do not drive her to the airport. Don't go see Sex in the City 3 with her. Make your intentions known from the offset. She knows whether or not she wants to date or have sex with you fairly soon after meeting you. You aren't going to trick a girl into liking you. She If she has a boyfriend, ignore her until she doesn't. If you become her lap dog and do favors for her, you are in the friend zone. You're the kinda creepy guy that she knows has a crush on her but she has absolutely no interest in dating. If a girl spurns your advances, game's up- ignore her and move on. There are literally dozens of women out there that would probably date you. At the outset of a potential relationship, women don't want men who are willing to do everything for them. They want men who have a back bone and who are willing to say no to their stupid requests. Tell her you're busy even if you just want to sit around and watch futurama. Not being at her beck and call will get you laid more than being there for her.

Once you've landed a few actual girlfriends or sexual encounters, you can adjust the strategy a little bit.


Too many men take 'have a back bone' to mean 'be an asshole', so this becomes bad advice for them.

I say keep it simple: Don't worry about should/shouldn't. Don't follow fake behavior advice. Like her? Tell her. Don't deliberately brush her off artificially because some guy told you to. If you want to listen to talk about her boyfriend, then do that. If you don't (and you probably don't), then tell her that - that's the point, it should come from the fact that you don't enjoy it, not because you're reading off a behavior script.
 
2013-03-01 05:24:40 AM
I agree with everyone else. I feel bad for the kid.

The woman on the otherhand is typical - left a good man for an unemployed certifiable bad boy, and got the treatment. Goes crawling back to the supportive dude.
 
2013-03-01 05:33:10 AM
So, your average country song then?
 
2013-03-01 05:52:59 AM
lolpix   ---awesome.  yes,   guys all throwing their two cents in about the girls who fall easily for the bad boys have a complex about being too pansy to actually go up to a gal and talk to her.
 
2013-03-01 06:02:59 AM
We have a women looking for a father figure having a relationship with a man still looking for his mother.
 
2013-03-01 06:15:52 AM

peterthx: [www.usmagazine.com image 467x550]

White people and their drama...



Yeah, because it never happens in any other race's lives.

www.vinylrecords.ch


static.tvguide.com
 
2013-03-01 06:30:33 AM
Let's cut the sh*t once and fer all on all of this "women only like jerks" and "nice guys never get a chance" crap.

Of course some women like jerks.  It's vanity.  They're not in that relationship to be with that guy.  They're in that relationship to prove to themselves that they can "tame" him, straighten him out and so she can tell her BFFs all about how "oh, he has a temper but I can wrap him around my finger if I want to".  Cause she's good enough.  She's got the goods.  She can ride that tiger and give as good as she gets!  Woo.  And that's nice.  So, hey nice guys?  You really want somebody like that that in your life?  Who sees  relationships in that way?  No.  You don't.

Now then, guess how many shallow meatheads want a Barbie doll or a shrew or both because "oh, hey, you know she's the boss! Yeah, she keeps me in line! Heh heh"  Nudge wink.  Guess how many of them are "nice guys".  A lot.  And both of these sort are cut from the same cloth.  And we can only hope they find each other.  But it's not the point.  Desirable man does not equal slab o' beef with a mean streak any more than desirable woman is one who has a hot ass and a stick up it or the word "welcome" embossed on her back.  So it seems that a lot of this boo hooing about "nice guys never getting the hot girl" and "there's just no good men" is a load of horesesh*t from people who ever never managed to or bothered to sit down next to somebody and actually shoot the sh*t with them long enough to find out if THEY LIKE WHO THAT PERSON IS.  Cause that's the point.

So if you want to waltz through your whole life wondering why that size 8 doesn't fit your size 10 foot or looking for somebody to read the other half of the movie script you etched in stone that shall be your love life, well, GREAT.  But shut the f*ck up about it when nobody is quite oppressive or disposable enough to read their lines to your liking.  Cause that ain't love, that's dress up.  And even if you hit paydirt, you'll get bored sh*less with not having anything to complain about. Love isn't just staring into each other's eyes longingly for hours on end.  It's wonderful, but it's just the frosting.  The cake is being able to sit out and look at the world together and see the same view.  There is an ass for every seat, but stop trying to sell yourself people who don't need to be with who they see you as.  It's pointless.  The day you are ready to find love is the day that you stop givin' a William or Nilliam f*ck as to what your friends, mommy, daddy or people at work will think of them because you're too busy getting ready for what promises to be a really wonderful adventure for two.  Let the trophy hunters play by their own idiot rules.  Yeah, even the victims, the lunkheads, the shallow cows and the nice guys.  Be better.  Try smiling more.  People are attracted to happy people. Seriously. The chip on your shoulder or the bug up your ass is barbed wire.
 
2013-03-01 06:51:40 AM
What an amazing witness for the Lord. Such a godly young man.
 
2013-03-01 07:04:10 AM
How could you look at the first picture and not see this coming?
I want a bad boy, I can change him when we move from a home into a trailer.
Bwaaa ha ha ha ha

Thank the gods they bred, there's nothing better than making idiocracy into a reality show.
.. she was trying to rekindle a relationship for when he gets outta jail?
Shocked, SHOCKED I say!
Oh god, angry little men and the victims who are surprised when they get choked
so much fun
love is a fist
 
2013-03-01 07:10:17 AM
I know FARK is not usually the forum for this sort of post, but I had a hard time with the photo of him chocking her, because my ex choked me a few times, and it was farking terrifying.  The shiat is, I was not raised in an abusive home.  White, Protestant middle-class suburban upbringing.  Strong mom.  Said ex was the only violent one, the rest were lambs.  I didn't think it could happen to me: I was educated, and thought if some guy EVAR tried to hit me, I'd go all GI Jane and kick his ass before kicking him to the curb.  I still can't understand why the hell I put up with several violent incidents before finally leaving when I was being choked again, but from behind with a bread knife scraping across my collarbone.  I still cross my fingers hoping my mom will never notice the scar.
 
2013-03-01 07:20:44 AM

StrangeQ: KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.

She was 19 with a four year old and a two year old; I don't think she is exactly a paragon of good decision making.


If proper sex ed had been done in High School, she might have had a different life.
 
2013-03-01 07:26:18 AM
I can't make it through this thread. You "Nice Guys" are f*cking pathetic.
 
2013-03-01 07:26:20 AM

SJKebab: Maggie and Shane's courtship was brief but intense. Shane called her everyday from prison, and upon his release, they began to date.

[timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 735x490]
One month into their courtship, Shane had Maggie's name tattooed on his neck in large black letters.


I'm not a big fan of blaming the victim, but come on now.  This was hardly an unexpected development.


This.

Dumbass chick, ended well anyway, she went back to the poor bastard who was dumb enough to have kids with her. Good thing she smokes though.
 
2013-03-01 07:29:42 AM

FARK rebel soldier: Brostorm: These are trash people making horrible decisions. ... Was he a piece of human garbage? Absolutely.

you are a puppet: shes trash. She let that dude be around her kids and now they will probably grow up to be trash too. Circle of trash

Who could believe this is the same guy with TRASH tattoed down his left side (#24)


I noticed that also.  Self-labeling?
 
2013-03-01 07:29:47 AM
She went after a guy in prison. This is the point, counterpoint caption example if I ever saw it.
 
2013-03-01 07:31:00 AM
 If you ladies ever ask yourself where all the good guys are, they are right where you left them, in the "Friend Zone"
 
2013-03-01 07:33:55 AM
It's possible that the woman was "unable" to go with her husband to Alaska....she was young, and in the article, it says the douche moved her to Ohio and it was the furthest she had ever been from her family.  Maybe when her husband got the orders to head out, she was mentally unprepared to move cross country away from mom and dad.  Then, while he was gone, she got lonely and decided that the douche was the better choice because he was right there.

She missed a lot of warning signs--competition with the young son, overcompensating with the daughter.   She screwed up, and maybe she'll turn this into a learning experience and move herself along into a better life--take the opportunity to go to school while she's with the husband in Alaska, and get herself together.

My first husband--he was a piece of work.    I still have a scar under my chin from his knife, and my kneecaps are still "floaters" with a few bits of carteledge (sp?) holding them on when he kicked me with the steel toed boots.  I have trouble hearing out of my left ear, partially from him slamming his fist into the side of my head repeatedly.  He didn't leave too many bruises where people could see, other than around my neck--"oh, those are hickies" he would tell people.    He moved me from my family to a tiny town, and told the neighbors I was crazy.  They wouldn't even talk to me.

When I threw the coffee cup at him, trying to buy time to put my daughter in her crib before he started in on me, the judge took that as a sign of agression and told me to stop wasting the court's time.  At his mom's house, he punched me in the stomach because I wasn't in the mood for sex--I had been up all night with the baby; I was sick on top of it, fever and all; and his mom would just walk in and out of our bedroom whenever she felt like it.  I came out, crying and throwing up, and his mom asked what happened.  He told her he punched me and she said "good, she probably deserved it".  His mom is a secretary at the FBI...she made sure that he got out of trouble every time I called the cops...except the last one.

Once I figured out how to get our daughter safe, I took the chance and got away.  My daughter was safe, I wasn't.  He kept coming back.  The last time, I moved into a different county and found a judge who was serious about domestic violance.   He spent 5 years in prison for assault and rape.

/over 20 years ago and I still worry about him finding me
//he has a relationship with my daughter, but she knows what he is like and limits his involvement
///I'll wake up a couple times tonight, remembering all this
////
 
2013-03-01 07:37:18 AM

Onkel Buck: If you ladies ever ask yourself where all the good guys are, they are right where you left them, in the "Friend Zone"


In Alaska serving their country while chicks are going after the bad boys. She should be brought up on charges for endangering her kids.
 
2013-03-01 07:54:22 AM

Cold_Sassy: FARK rebel soldier: Brostorm: These are trash people making horrible decisions. ... Was he a piece of human garbage? Absolutely.

you are a puppet: shes trash. She let that dude be around her kids and now they will probably grow up to be trash too. Circle of trash

Who could believe this is the same guy with TRASH tattoed down his left side (#24)

I noticed that also.  Self-labeling?


He's probably illiterate and the tattooist told him it means "strength"
 
2013-03-01 07:57:42 AM

Virtuoso80: As a 'nice guy', I can tell you it began more, for me, like dealing with women as an alien race.


Interesting.  What does your psychiatrist say about your mental issues?  Because if you identify with the shiatbag in this article at all, you should REALLY be getting help.

GoSurfing: Your last two sentences, show me where I said that.


Your lack of reading comprehension is staggering.  Truly.
 
2013-03-01 08:00:20 AM
They should adopt honey boo boo.
 
2013-03-01 08:02:45 AM
This is the part of the thread where people pick the arcane and sometimes imaginary bits of other people's comments apart and throw poo.  Feel free to get a sandwich and use the bathroom.

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-01 08:05:33 AM

starrion: I am actually physically sick. I have never heard of this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-h i gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0">http://www.nytimes.com/2012/0 5/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-hi gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0

I mean WTF? How the hell is this tolerated? WHY HASN'T THIS BEEN DEALT WITH BEFORE?

NYT Paywall?!! How about NO!


ftfy
 
2013-03-01 08:09:11 AM
Invoking the Texas argument: he needs killin'.
 
2013-03-01 08:09:12 AM

Onkel Buck: If you ladies ever ask yourself where all the good guys are, they are right where you left them, in the "Friend Zone"


I try not to stick around that long after being friendzoned.  If that "nice guy" is still where you left him, he's probably a wimp.
 
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