If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Time)   A fascinating (and heartbreaking) look through a photographer's lens as she chronicles one couple's descent in domestic violence   (lightbox.time.com) divider line 585
    More: Sad, domestic violence, Ohio University  
•       •       •

30765 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Feb 2013 at 10:06 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



585 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-03-01 12:42:32 AM
We need to start a Photoshop contest on that pic.
 
2013-03-01 12:44:14 AM
Twenty bucks says she leaves the ex-husband within three months for another retarded loser.

And she takes the kids with her again.
 
2013-03-01 12:45:08 AM

orclover: al's hat: I don't think I want to know more about your life unless things significantly improve.  :(

It significantly improved after I married another walking sack of scar tissue.   We cut off all ties to the people we knew, which never stopped them from trying to drag us back into their various dramas but we have avoided it almost entirely for 16 years.

We almost pass for normal on our good days now :)


Glad for a positive note.  I fully realize how lucky I am to have been raised by awesome parents and while we weren't rich we were certainly comfortable.  My first marriage was a disaster and I now know from experience what emotional/psychological abuse means although others have suffered much worse...and being hit with a thrown unopened can of soup can cause a scar.  I haven't spoken to my ex since the day I called to let her know the divorce papers were in the mail.  Onward and upward...
 
2013-03-01 12:45:50 AM

BeSerious: His photojournalist instincts kicked in, a.k.a. cower behind a lens and do nothing.




Her.
 
2013-03-01 12:46:07 AM
The little girl had far more courage than the photographer.
 
2013-03-01 12:47:46 AM

Infernalist: Twenty bucks says she leaves the ex-husband within three months for another retarded loser.

And she takes the kids with her again.


Why not hope for the best, since we'll likely never know?
 
2013-03-01 12:51:15 AM

Sir Simon Milligan: Wall_of_Doodoo: Off to watch another episode of 'the legue' and cuddle my girlfriend. This weekend we work out then have dinner at bob Evans. I love our lameness.

Have you tried hitting her?


It's mutual.  How do you think they got lame?
 
HBK
2013-03-01 12:52:13 AM

A Terrible Human: Jixa: Maybe it's just my "survivor's paranoia", but what disturbed me more was the disproportionate amount of attention he lavished on the little girl.  Good on her for leaving that douchenozzle and starting over.  shiat like that never ends well when they stay together.

No it isn't just your paranoia,I felt the same way. He treats the little boy as if he's a threat to him and the grown woman's relationship but is just fine with the little girl.


Yeah, my first thought was that if they stuck around he'd start molesting the girl.

Also, she broke up with her abuser and almost immediately went back to her ex? That's dumb, dumb, dumb. Relationship 1 didn't work out, so onto relationship 2. Relationship 2 didn't work out, so immediately back to relationship 1. I realize she claims she has no resources (where's the child support and army insurance for the kids?), but that shouldn't be a reason to immediately jump back into a bad relationship. She seems like she finds her self-worth by the fact that she can find men to be in a relationship with her. Taking time off between relationships is the best way to find your own identity, realize you don't need a significant other to validate you, and in some instances, consider why the relationship failed and try to correct your behavior or the characteristics you look for in the opposite sex. If you can't be happy alone, you can't be happy in a relationship.

I really wouldn't be surprised if her ex was also abusive. A lot of victims of domestic violence seem to attract abusers and are more accepting of violence because they've been brainwashed into thinking that it's acceptable.

Also, a poster above mentioned her "pressing charges." - That's not how it works in most states. In Texas, for example, the charges are brought by the state. Whether the victim wants to "drop the charges" is really not a consideration at that point. It's extremely common for a victim to recant her statements regarding abuse after the couple reconciles. Reconciliation is a huge part of the cycle of violence. A lot of people think that they want to get back with their abusers and realize that if their abuser is in jail or has an assault-family violence on their record that it will be harder for them to keep or get a job. This is extremely common, and its extremely common for the victim to later say "oh, we had a fight but it wasn't that bad, I want to drop the charges." The state generally refuses and should refuse. Prosecutors use the evidence obtained the evening of the incident (photos, statements, etc.), they use experts in domestic violence to discount the recantation, and they still send a lot of these abusers to jail.
 
2013-03-01 12:54:47 AM

Lorelle: The little girl had far more courage than the photographer.


I can't figure out how this okays out. "Ok Shane that last one I took of you strangling Maggie your back was actually blocking the shot could we just get a redo with you in the forefront this time mmm? There..*snap*..ahhh yes much better, remember just do what comes naturally I'm not here, K?"
 
2013-03-01 12:55:17 AM

ciberido: Quantum Apostrophe: The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.

Protip: the problem with creepy "nice" guys isn't that they're nice, and it isn't that they're socially awkward.

But part of the problem is that they THINK the only reason women don't want to date them is that they're "socially awkward" and "too nice" and women are too shallow and stupid to look past that.

Maaaaaaybe the fact that you think that women shallow and stupid has something to do with it.


www.csmonitor.com
Approves.
 
2013-03-01 12:56:04 AM

A Terrible Human: SpaceyCat: Yogimus: I disagree. Placing responsibility on the victim EMPOWERS the victim. Removing all responsibility removes all ability to affect the situation. Like I said... the FIRST time, it is NOT her fault.

No one is a mind reader.  At NO TIME is it anyone's fault to be abused or attacked.  Abuse generally starts slowly: the target is isolated, made dependent on the abuser, self-esteem and self-worth are chipped away and generally brainwashed to think that the one being abused thinks that s/he deserves the abuse.  Then you have the threats of "if you leave, I'll kill you" - which is generally what happens with the worst cases.

Abusers also tend to be fairly charismatic.  They play the good guy - until the victim is isolated and dependent on the abuser.

So no, there is no "personal responsibility" on the abused for the abuse they received.

Here's something for you to read.  That deals primarily with rape and sexual assault, but it can also be applied to domestic abuse.

My dad was fantastic at playing the good guy in public. He got a plaque from a local baptist church for helping with their computers,he even got baptized yet at home he was beating all of us,molesting my sister and me and the non stop threats of being murdered,cutting off the power,cutting the phone lines,the road rage and all the other bullshiat he would do never stopped. Hell they probably were worse when he was doing that work for that church. It was farking sickening watching people tell him what a good guy he was for all his help cause I knew it was a whole other world when we all got home. Also that guilt,like it's your fault,doesn't really seem to ever go away.
/He tried to friend me on facebook after not seeing him for 10 years in Dec. of last year and I'm still scared.
//He acted like everything was just fine.


I should have stopped following this thread when I said I was going to...  I has a sad for too many Farkers, the world, and me today.  :(
 
2013-03-01 12:58:23 AM
That shoulda read 'plays' out not 'okays' out dammit.
 
2013-03-01 12:59:58 AM
If she has two small children, and decides to shack up with a recently-released prison convict with jailhouse tats and no job or skills, it is completely inappropriate to suggest that there could be any negative consequences to her decision.

After all, the reason why "bad decisions" are bad is because there are no foreseeable consequences, right? No higher likelihood of bad outcomes.


How dare any of us criticize this woman, when she could not possibly have known this was a bad, bad, bad match.
 
2013-03-01 01:00:36 AM

A Terrible Human: It was farking sickening watching people tell him what a good guy he was for all his help cause I knew it was a whole other world when we all got home


My grandfather was like that. Beat all the kids, including my mom, and molested her little sister.

People still post on facebook about what a great guy he was, including his family.

I never heard anything good about him, so I have no idea where these people are coming from, and some of them were even there to see the abuse (not the molestation, but other stuff).

I guess it's a don't speak ill of the dead type of thing somewhat, but fark him IMO. He was an asshole, now he's dead, whatever

Fissile: I found it terrifying as a child, but now I laugh at this type of histrionics.


It is terrifying as a littlekid having a man come at you like that though, even if you don't get hit. It's almost worse not getting hit every time because you never know when to expect it or what you say or do that will set it off.
My dad could go from happy and joking, to me saying the smallest thing that he disliked, and fly into that same position of rage as the guy in the article. There was no right or wrong way to act around him that would stop it; his mood changed daily.

And though, like you, I laugh at that kind of physical posturing for what it is, I feel for anyone still in that situation. You never see it for what it is until you get away for awhile, if you can.
 
2013-03-01 01:01:45 AM
FFS: I was on a board of directors for this. These women are usually one fry short of a happy meal. The husband is much older. It's a perfect storm. Babies, protection instincts, vulnerability and control (both wanted and given).

Sometimes abuse is just a WTF other and most it is a complicated dynamic. Yes he is totally at fault and ANYONE who hits, especially in front of their child is horrid. A mother that continues to allow their child to be exposed is equally horrid.
 
2013-03-01 01:02:15 AM

gadian: Wow, lotsa bitter "nice guys" in this thread.  Which makes you laugh because genuinely nice guys don't have trouble finding nice girls.  If all the girls you find are evil, manipulative biatches or ignore you, the problem is you not all the girls you've been after.


Here's the big issue I have with all the "nice guy" hate that's been flying around lately: a lot of nice guys(tm) who lament their role in such terms are put in that role by a woman they know.  These nice-guys-tm didn't seek it out and most often wish the woman in question would go away.  They're not mooning over her -- they're hearing about her asshole boyfriend/husband and what a jerk he is and thinking "So dump his ass and go find a guy like you claim to want instead, you giant idiot".  But here's the thing, not being raging assholes themselves, they wouldn't ever be so blunt as to say that, and if they did it would provoke the recitation of a litany of reasons why the woman in question couldn't or shouldn't dump the zero and find a hero.  (I knew two such women at different times in my early 20s.  Both were a chore just to be around, but not being around them wasn't feasible -- one was dating my college roommate and the other I worked with.  In both cases as the "nice guy" I wanted anything but to be in a relationship with them.)

These are entirely distinct from the "nice guys" who are one secret-admirer-note away from a restraining order, and deserving of suspicion as to their motives.  (Or nice girls -- I knew one girl who fit the nice-guy-gimme-sex stereotype to a T, the object of her passive-aggressive affections being the same college roommate mentioned above.)
 
2013-03-01 01:03:56 AM

A Terrible Human: My dad was fantastic at playing the good guy in public. He got a plaque from a local baptist church for helping with their computers,he even got baptized yet at home he was beating all of us,molesting my sister and me and the non stop threats of being murdered,cutting off the power,cutting the phone lines,the road rage and all the other bullshiat he would do never stopped. Hell they probably were worse when he was doing that work for that church. It was farking sickening watching people tell him what a good guy he was for all his help cause I knew it was a whole other world when we all got home. Also that guilt,like it's your fault,doesn't really seem to ever go away.
/He tried to friend me on facebook after not seeing him for 10 years in Dec. of last year and I'm still scared.
//He acted like everything was just fine.


First dad was like that.  Absolute passive Buddhist vegan in public who would never harm a fly.   In private, if he had a catalyst (stubbed toe, bad day, full moon ect) he had no control except to direct everything at one person while the rest ran and hid.  My stepmother was grateful I suppose that it wasnt her unless I was out of the house at my mothers.  Hilariously she was a social worker.   He was the perfect example of a small calm meek man in public and to all his friends.  As an example, One friday in 79 he worked me over with a folding baby stroller (he was mad at the baby or something, cant remember) so hard and so long I didnt come-to until saturday afternoon, everybody in the house just kinda ignored the damage.  I wasn't stupid enough to ask for a trip to the ER.

Yea pacifist, buddhist, moonie at some point I think as well as harie krishna or something, he was into all kinds of shiat.

/you couldn't get me on social media with a farking gun to my head and a knife to my balls.  Aint nobody I want to talk to outside my house or on my phone.
 
2013-03-01 01:05:02 AM

Ihaveanevilparrot: My dad could go from happy and joking, to me saying the smallest thing that he disliked, and fly into that same position of rage as the guy in the article. There was no right or wrong way to act around him that would stop it; his mood changed daily.


My mom was "mercurial" like that too when I was young. I usually felt like I was on guard around her. She's still that way to some extent, but it's a lot less terrifying when you're an adult.
 
2013-03-01 01:05:23 AM
Holy crap, that made me cry. I've been there and done that, and it brought the whole thing back to me so strongly. That was a truly amazing sequence of photos - I've not seen anything like that before. I don't know that I want to see that again either.

Holy fark, that hurts.

What I can't believe is that that young man is so stupid and raging to not hold back in front of the camera. My ex would have been that smart at least.

What's up with the kids is so incredibly sad.
 
2013-03-01 01:06:54 AM

Corn_Fed: If she has two small children, and decides to shack up with a recently-released prison convict with jailhouse tats and no job or skills, it is completely inappropriate to suggest that there could be any negative consequences to her decision.

After all, the reason why "bad decisions" are bad is because there are no foreseeable consequences, right? No higher likelihood of bad outcomes.


How dare any of us criticize this woman, when she could not possibly have known this was a bad, bad, bad match.




Dude, she's just a kid. How good was your judgement when you were nineteen? And lots of guys are going to run like hell from getting involved with someone that young who has two small kids. But for a guy like this one, she's just the wounded Gazelle he was looking for. He could probably really spin a line of bullshiat, and she would gladly believe it. Sure, lots of us can take one glance at this guy and think, "Good lord, stay away ladies". But we aren't seeing him with their eyes, or their life experience.
 
2013-03-01 01:10:08 AM
I'm going to be honest and say I sympathize emotionally more with him than with her. It's all about need, and fear of loss. That seems fairly obvious from his attempts to control and isolate her, insistence on attention, and fury at being 'abandoned' at a club. I get that. I've never hit or been physically aggressive with anyone my entire adult life, but I do get it.

Freudian_slipknot: megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I think most of them focus on the "nice" thing because they have to work SO HARD to be a decent human towards women, who they clearly actually think are sub-humans or uninteresting or otherwise unworthy of friendship, that all they can think of is the sheer wasted effort that went into treating them like people, only to receive little or no sex in return.

Guys who treat women like actual people by reflex rather than design don't consider themselves to be particularly "nice guys."  Like you said, they're just guys.  Guys who don't actually hate women.

/bet the guy in the article considers himself a nice guy
//would tell you all about the biatches who left him for no reason for some other asshole


As a 'nice guy', I can tell you it began more, for me, like dealing with women as an alien race. They confused me. Men made sense - their social cues and actions were easy to interpret. Women, not so much. I just didn't get them, but I knew I desired them. So, I thought, perhaps an exchange was in order. I would be nice, and do what they seemed to want, and then in return perhaps they would give me what I wanted. They didn't hold up their end of it, which seemed incredibly selfish and wrong, so I got angry and bitter. It wasn't the right way to go about it, but I had no clue. I think both you and the responder got it wrong - it's not about hate/beneath me, or pedestal/above me - it's just about different. Women were an enigma.

And guess what? Men are often an enigma to women too, it's just seems like the burden for translation duties is more on men.

 
2013-03-01 01:14:44 AM
www.webackmac.com
 
2013-03-01 01:15:48 AM

Virtuoso80: I'm going to be honest and say I sympathize emotionally more with him than with her. It's all about need, and fear of loss. That seems fairly obvious from his attempts to control and isolate her, insistence on attention, and fury at being 'abandoned' at a club. I get that. I've never hit or been physically aggressive with anyone my entire adult life, but I do get it.

Freudian_slipknot: megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I think most of them focus on the "nice" thing because they have to work SO HARD to be a decent human towards women, who they clearly actually think are sub-humans or uninteresting or otherwise unworthy of friendship, that all they can think of is the sheer wasted effort that went into treating them like people, only to receive little or no sex in return.

Guys who treat women like actual people by reflex rather than design don't consider themselves to be particularly "nice guys."  Like you said, they're just guys.  Guys who don't actually hate women.

/bet the guy in the article considers himself a nice guy
//would tell you all about the biatches who left him for no reason for some other asshole

As a 'nice guy', I can tell you it began more, for me, like dealing with women as an alien race. They confused me. Men made sense - their social cues and actions were easy to interpret. Women, not so much. I just didn't get them, but I knew I desired them. So, I thought, perhaps an exchange was in order. I would be nice, and do what they seemed to want, and then in return perhaps they would give me what I wanted. They didn't hold up their end of it, which seemed incredibly selfish and wrong, so I got angry and bitter. It wasn't the right way to go about it, but I had no clue. I think both you and the responder got it wrong - it's not about hate/beneath me, or pedestal/above me - it's just about different. Women were an enigma.

And guess what? M ...


wow, shocking. a self identified "nice guy" who identifies with a felon who assaulted his barely legal girlfriend. might as well start abducting the neighbors pets and skinning them alive.
 
2013-03-01 01:16:26 AM

Ihaveanevilparrot: A Terrible Human: It was farking sickening watching people tell him what a good guy he was for all his help cause I knew it was a whole other world when we all got home

My grandfather was like that. Beat all the kids, including my mom, and molested her little sister.

People still post on facebook about what a great guy he was, including his family.

I never heard anything good about him, so I have no idea where these people are coming from, and some of them were even there to see the abuse (not the molestation, but other stuff).

I guess it's a don't speak ill of the dead type of thing somewhat, but fark him IMO. He was an asshole, now he's dead, whatever

Fissile: I found it terrifying as a child, but now I laugh at this type of histrionics.

It is terrifying as a littlekid having a man come at you like that though, even if you don't get hit. It's almost worse not getting hit every time because you never know when to expect it or what you say or do that will set it off.
My dad could go from happy and joking, to me saying the smallest thing that he disliked, and fly into that same position of rage as the guy in the article. There was no right or wrong way to act around him that would stop it; his mood changed daily.

And though, like you, I laugh at that kind of physical posturing for what it is, I feel for anyone still in that situation. You never see it for what it is until you get away for awhile, if you can.


=================

I saw it for what it was when I was 11 or 12.  Dad tried his "tough guy" act around one of my uncles.  My uncle had tolerated it for some time, but this particular  day he had enough.  My uncle called him out.  I can still remember my father's reaction like it happened yesterday.  Dad back down immediately and I could see that he was trembling.  I had an epiphany that day.  "Tough guy" dad was only tough when he was around people he KNEW couldn't, or wouldn't, kick his ass.  Classic bully behavior,   It's true, bullies really are cowards underneath it all.
 
2013-03-01 01:17:24 AM

Random Anonymous Blackmail: Strongbeerrules


Propaganda. Staged. Fake. "Reality television", etc.

One of the first things I thought, since there were so many quality photos of the abuse and teh camera person didn't step in.

Possibly based on "actual events" like the Hallmark Channel?

Not to mention "Pawn Stars"  on History.  I'm going back to reading books.  Townsends's "Who I Am" springs to mind.

Fark used to be interesting. If I may borrow a line from Dylan, I guess greed got in the way.

Featured partners, overall mediocrity, PC mods  and knee-jerk reactions......

Follow the money.  (If I may borrow a line from Richard Nixon).

 
2013-03-01 01:18:28 AM

JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.


Wow, really? You think an overweight, unemployed, single mother with obvious low self-esteem and no options with 2 kids has choices in her love life? Why the hell did you think she was relegated to prison men?

You're as disgusting as the abuser is.
 
2013-03-01 01:23:58 AM
Are prominent tattoos hindering your employment opportunities? Why get more, of course!
 
2013-03-01 01:25:07 AM
Ladies and Gentlemen, behold the birth of a new string of memes:
DVD:  DOMESTIC VIOLENCE DOUCHEBAG.

And certainly deserving of the moniker.  Hope he gets poked by Bubba while he's in the pokey.
 
2013-03-01 01:26:16 AM
These are stupid pathetic people.  I really don't care which one of them attacks the other.

Terrible Old Man: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Wow, really? You think an overweight, unemployed, single mother with obvious low self-esteem and no options with 2 kids has choices in her love life? Why the hell did you think she was relegated to prison men?

You're as disgusting as the abuser is.


You're forgetting about that one big option she did have, and opted out of: to not have kids until she was able to care for them.  Overweight?  Tough titties.  Low self esteem?  Tough titties.

If you can't even deal with a weight problem or your own self esteem issues than you certainly are in no position to be creating babies.
 
2013-03-01 01:27:27 AM
I've gotten violent with a woman exactly once. Sort of swung something at her that was way heavier than I thought it was. I was lashing out because of that same feeling of isolation, being forced into a living situation I couldn't get out of, and basically her being a large tumor that I needed to cut out of my life.

There was plenty of screaming though. Honestly, I did it to keep her away. Conversations would always escalate and I'd scream her down and make my escape. Eventually that wasn't enough for her. More than once I'd be sitting in a small locked room, tearing my hair out, with her outside kicking the door because she wasn't done telling me how much of a piece of shiat I was for running out of money to support her with. Or how I'm a liar and can't keep my promises because I failed to rescue her from her smoldering crater of a life. Eventually I became incapable of speaking to her at a normal volume because every word out of her mouth was bargaining, begging, judging, denying, or disagreeing. Seeing or hearing her made my blood boil. If another woman ever says, "How can you just stop loving someone?" to me again, I don't know how I'll react.

But yeah... once it got physical I knew I had to get out at all costs. I didn't like the person I was changing into. Most of my stuff is now sitting in a landfill and I'm sleeping on a futon at my parents' house. It might be another few years before I'm ready for a relationship.
 
2013-03-01 01:29:15 AM
The picture of the little kid witnessing that white trash POS choking his mother was too much for me. Struck a chord deep inside of me. I hope she does not remember it.

I also dearly hope that this asshole gets bone cancer.
 
2013-03-01 01:29:19 AM

moonscatter: Abox: moonscatter: she was never at fault.

In that you can't blame a person for their own stupidity?

He assaulted her. He failed kindergarten. No, a victim is NOT at fault for the assault committed on them. It falls squarely and completely on them.

If she had any fault, then wow, maybe he shouldn't be criminally charged, right? Maybe she should recant, or work on getting the charges dismissed, I mean, after all, being almost murdered was her fault for not loving him enough, right?


wo/Man, I understand and agree with a great many of your posts, but your turn toward the hyperbolic illuminates as much wrong with these laws as your other posts show how necessary and right they can be /:
 
2013-03-01 01:31:33 AM

I Like Bread: I've gotten violent with a woman exactly once. Sort of swung something at her that was way heavier than I thought it was. I was lashing out because of that same feeling of isolation, being forced into a living situation I couldn't get out of, and basically her being a large tumor that I needed to cut out of my life.

There was plenty of screaming though. Honestly, I did it to keep her away. Conversations would always escalate and I'd scream her down and make my escape. Eventually that wasn't enough for her. More than once I'd be sitting in a small locked room, tearing my hair out, with her outside kicking the door because she wasn't done telling me how much of a piece of shiat I was for running out of money to support her with. Or how I'm a liar and can't keep my promises because I failed to rescue her from her smoldering crater of a life. Eventually I became incapable of speaking to her at a normal volume because every word out of her mouth was bargaining, begging, judging, denying, or disagreeing. Seeing or hearing her made my blood boil. If another woman ever says, "How can you just stop loving someone?" to me again, I don't know how I'll react.

But yeah... once it got physical I knew I had to get out at all costs. I didn't like the person I was changing into. Most of my stuff is now sitting in a landfill and I'm sleeping on a futon at my parents' house. It might be another few years before I'm ready for a relationship.


But remember being married and having kids means lower taxes! USA! USA!
 
2013-03-01 01:33:25 AM

I Like Bread: I've gotten violent with a woman exactly once. Sort of swung something at her that was way heavier than I thought it was. I was lashing out because of that same feeling of isolation, being forced into a living situation I couldn't get out of, and basically her being a large tumor that I needed to cut out of my life.

There was plenty of screaming though. Honestly, I did it to keep her away. Conversations would always escalate and I'd scream her down and make my escape. Eventually that wasn't enough for her. More than once I'd be sitting in a small locked room, tearing my hair out, with her outside kicking the door because she wasn't done telling me how much of a piece of shiat I was for running out of money to support her with. Or how I'm a liar and can't keep my promises because I failed to rescue her from her smoldering crater of a life. Eventually I became incapable of speaking to her at a normal volume because every word out of her mouth was bargaining, begging, judging, denying, or disagreeing. Seeing or hearing her made my blood boil. If another woman ever says, "How can you just stop loving someone?" to me again, I don't know how I'll react.

But yeah... once it got physical I knew I had to get out at all costs. I didn't like the person I was changing into. Most of my stuff is now sitting in a landfill and I'm sleeping on a futon at my parents' house. It might be another few years before I'm ready for a relationship.


24.media.tumblr.com
I had to stop her from screaming!
 
HBK
2013-03-01 01:36:13 AM
Nice guys- here's a simple flow chart

Are you at all sexually interested in this woman?

IF NO- it's okay to be nice and do favors for her. She's your friend, just like your male friends. There's not supposed to be any sexual tension here.

IF YES- be amicable, but do not be her friend. Do not do any favors for her. Do not sit on the phone listening to her talk about her boyfriend "Look, I don't have time for this." Do not drive her to the airport. Don't go see Sex in the City 3 with her. Make your intentions known from the offset. She knows whether or not she wants to date or have sex with you fairly soon after meeting you. You aren't going to trick a girl into liking you. She If she has a boyfriend, ignore her until she doesn't. If you become her lap dog and do favors for her, you are in the friend zone. You're the kinda creepy guy that she knows has a crush on her but she has absolutely no interest in dating. If a girl spurns your advances, game's up- ignore her and move on. There are literally dozens of women out there that would probably date you. At the outset of a potential relationship, women don't want men who are willing to do everything for them. They want men who have a back bone and who are willing to say no to their stupid requests. Tell her you're busy even if you just want to sit around and watch futurama. Not being at her beck and call will get you laid more than being there for her.

Once you've landed a few actual girlfriends or sexual encounters, you can adjust the strategy a little bit.
 
2013-03-01 01:38:02 AM
I don't mean to sound judgmental, but Shane should choke on a bullet.
 
2013-03-01 01:40:12 AM

DittoToo: Bender The Offender: Yogimus: I am the farking police.

You are a farking liar. No police officer would advocate 3rd parties insert themselves into assaults, that's a great way to increase a victim count and get arrested. I've been arrested for intervening when a young guy was beating and robbing an old guy in a parking lot (with witnesses and security footage to that affect) and I was arrested. Every mother farker, from the arresting officer, to the magistrate, to the DA and judge told me I should not have physically got involved. The case was Nolle Pros, but that didn't matter, because I still had to deal with the bullshiat of getting arrested and fingerprinted and posting bail, and going to court. You're bullshiat and dishonest advice is a great way to get arrested. Just stop with the farking internet tough guy bullshiat. You're a farking liar.

Would you do it again?


Of course, I'm not going to let someone get killed in front of me without trying to stop it. I'm also a pretty healthy guy with military and self-defense background. I'm not a 100 pound woman confronting a raging ex-con psychopath and I'm not going to put others down for choosing not to get involved in a volatile situation that they didn't feel they could handle. As I said, every person I came into contact with because of that instance told me I should never have gotten involved physically. The police, the lawyers, the judge, every single one of them acknowledged that what I did was the right thing morally but that didn't stop them from arresting and charging me. My point is 2 fold. 1, dude is lying about being a cop. Cops are not going to tell you to pile on more victims during an assault and 2, not everyone has the appropriate training in self defense to safely intervene in a situation like that. You have to put your safety first. If we follow the idiot cop impostor's line of reasoning, all of those times that my paramedic team waited for police to clear a scene after shots fired, we were being pussies because we're following protocols and orders and not running in there, creating more victims or adding more fuel to the fire. His thinking is just so monumentally stupid and short-sighted and what if someone were actually stupid enough to think he's telling the truth? That's the kind of bullshiat that can get people hurt and killed. He's willing to put lives at risk so he can sound tough on the internet. Just farked up.
 
2013-03-01 01:46:08 AM
And yet there's always some smartass telling me I'm wrong when I say this:

People that are convicted of severe violent crimes should be sterilized and not allowed to create more children. Men or women. they've abdicated from their option to raise helpless little tablas rasa. It would be right for our society. Scenarios like this only reinforce what I've known since I was very very young.

Violent people make poor parents.
 
2013-03-01 01:47:31 AM
Terrible Old Man:
Wow, really? You think an overweight, unemployed, single mother with obvious low self-esteem and no options with 2 kids has choices in her love life? Why the hell did you think she was relegated to prison men?

You're as disgusting as the abuser is.


I don't agree with "Jerky Meat" to his extent, but you are forgetting that she absolutely DOES have better choices in her love life...specifically, not to shack up with anyone until her kids are much older. This may sound harsh, but the truth is, her kids need her full attention, not relationship drama. You can see in the pictures how her kids (especially her son) are begging her for attention, but she is preoccupied with this douche.

Frankly, her best option is either to get back with the kids' dad, and barring that, to not date anyone until the kids are 18.
 
2013-03-01 01:51:37 AM

dmax: And yet there's always some smartass telling me I'm wrong when I say this:

People that are convicted of severe violent crimes should be sterilized and not allowed to create more children. Men or women. they've abdicated from their option to raise helpless little tablas rasa. It would be right for our society. Scenarios like this only reinforce what I've known since I was very very young.

Violent people make poor parents.


Forced sterilization is a form of violence perpetrated by the state. If violent people make for poor parents, how much more so does a violent state make for a poor nation?
 
2013-03-01 01:54:11 AM
I never understood why women think they can take the "bad boys" and change them.   Then they get all butthurt when the guys turn out to be pricks.

Stupid woman.
 
2013-03-01 02:00:02 AM

Corn_Fed: If she has two small children, and decides to shack up with a recently-released prison convict with jailhouse tats and no job or skills, it is completely inappropriate to suggest that there could be any negative consequences to her decision.

After all, the reason why "bad decisions" are bad is because there are no foreseeable consequences, right? No higher likelihood of bad outcomes.


How dare any of us criticize this woman, when she could not possibly have known this was a bad, bad, bad match.


There's really no way to engage you.

Either you KNOW that what you're saying is a ridiculous strawman, in which care you're not interested in rational debate, or you honestly believe that this is what other people in the thread have been saying, in which case you're most likely incapable of rational debate.

Normally I would say something like "Go back and reread the thread until you understand what people really said," but in your case I think it's a hopeless cause.
 
2013-03-01 02:04:00 AM

ciberido: Corn_Fed: If she has two small children, and decides to shack up with a recently-released prison convict with jailhouse tats and no job or skills, it is completely inappropriate to suggest that there could be any negative consequences to her decision.

After all, the reason why "bad decisions" are bad is because there are no foreseeable consequences, right? No higher likelihood of bad outcomes.


How dare any of us criticize this woman, when she could not possibly have known this was a bad, bad, bad match.

There's really no way to engage you.

Either you KNOW that what you're saying is a ridiculous strawman, in which care you're not interested in rational debate, or you honestly believe that this is what other people in the thread have been saying, in which case you're most likely incapable of rational debate.

Normally I would say something like "Go back and reread the thread until you understand what people really said," but in your case I think it's a hopeless cause.


Actually, while my post is *slight* hyperbole, there have indeed been a few posters who have advocated that she really bore no responsiblity in this situation at all, and that any statement to the contrary was tantamount to saying that she deserved to be assaulted.
 
2013-03-01 02:05:23 AM

Kensey: Here's the big issue I have with all the "nice guy" hate that's been flying around lately: a lot of nice guys(tm) who lament their role in such terms are put in that role by a woman they know.  These nice-guys-tm didn't seek it out and most often wish the woman in question would go away.  They're not mooning over her -- they're hearing about her asshole boyfriend/husband and what a jerk he is and thinking "So dump his ass and go find a guy like you claim to want instead, you giant idiot".  But here's the thing, not being raging assholes themselves, they wouldn't ever be so blunt as to say that, and if they did it would provoke the recitation of a litany of reasons why the woman in question couldn't or shouldn't dump the zero and find a hero.


And this is the heart of the problem. The "nice guy" in your example is man pretending to be friends with a woman he secretly thinks is an idiot, and because he hides (or at least TRIES to hide) from her the fact that he thinks she's an idiot, that makes him a "nice guy" women should want to date --- but won't, because they're idiots.

This is EXACTLY why many women don't want to date a "nice guy."
 
2013-03-01 02:06:36 AM
Trash begets trash.
 
2013-03-01 02:06:54 AM
Tatted-up ex-con who assaults his live-in girlfriend at a trailer park and sees himself as being in competition with a male child for her attention.

Yep, the Ohio State hate definitely makes sense.
 
2013-03-01 02:08:01 AM

Chach: Tatted-up ex-con who assaults his live-in girlfriend at a trailer park and sees himself as being in competition with a male child for her attention.

Yep, the Ohio State hat definitely makes sense.


Damn.  Fixed.  Hat, people! Hat!
 
2013-03-01 02:08:50 AM

moonscatter: Abox: moonscatter: she was never at fault.

In that you can't blame a person for their own stupidity?

He assaulted her. He failed kindergarten. No, a victim is NOT at fault for the assault committed on them. It falls squarely and completely on them.

If she had any fault, then wow, maybe he shouldn't be criminally charged, right? Maybe she should recant, or work on getting the charges dismissed, I mean, after all, being almost murdered was her fault for not loving him enough, right?


I'll just leave this right here.
 
2013-03-01 02:10:33 AM
an open mind is helpful with any situation.  when you have that,  you can possibly find within the empathy to see how this happens.  i was a victim and im not dumb.   if any of the people posting about "how much of a scumbag"  this guy is or "how stupid she is" would allow anyone to believe that you have ever fallen into such a pattern of self deception for so long that you questioned your very reality you would understand the farking complexity.  ITS A DISEASE.  there are reasons,  proven through psychological diagnosis of why people fall into the trap laid out before them when it comes to the cycle of abuse and addiction.  if you had any farking interest in what its about,  you would be reading about it instead of spewing all your intolerant and ignorant shiate.
 
2013-03-01 02:16:16 AM
ah, the beautiful and sad circle

i hope that little girl makes better choices than her mom

she probably won't
 
Displayed 50 of 585 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report