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(Time)   A fascinating (and heartbreaking) look through a photographer's lens as she chronicles one couple's descent in domestic violence   (lightbox.time.com) divider line 585
    More: Sad, domestic violence, Ohio University  
•       •       •

30767 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Feb 2013 at 10:06 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-01 12:09:49 AM

2wolves: DrPainMD: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

It's OK. I'm sure that you write your state elected officials and demand that they implement a state version of VAWA, don't you? DON'T YOU?

VAWA should have been voted down because there's no federal issue involved.

Yes there is a Federal issue: When you cross the border onto tribal land it is Federally controlled. In theory.


Soveriegn Nation in fact. I for one think we should strip them of this status to bring them into modern times.

It's that or go with; Who are we to impose our ideals on another culture.

We spend billion on education, and they choose to ignore it for now.
 
2013-03-01 12:13:24 AM

ciberido: Quantum Apostrophe: The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.

Protip: the problem with creepy "nice" guys isn't that they're nice, and it isn't that they're socially awkward.

But part of the problem is that they THINK the only reason women don't want to date them is that they're "socially awkward" and "too nice" and women are too shallow and stupid to look past that.

Maaaaaaybe the fact that you think that women shallow and stupid has something to do with it.


That's the second time today you've made a comment in a story that piqued my curiosity enough to check your profile.  The name didn't stick the first time so the second time I said, "I saw that profile earlier today".  Farkied, I like the cut of your jib.
 
2013-03-01 12:13:47 AM

orclover: I know waaaay too many women like her.   In my life I would almost call her typical.  Yes my life has been described as "farked up" by outside "normal" people.


Are you, too,  part of the "you can't possibly know/have seen that much farked up stuff because we don't want to believe..." club?
 
2013-03-01 12:14:14 AM

Freudian_slipknot: I think most of them focus on the "nice" thing because they have to work SO HARD to be a decent human towards women, who they clearly actually think are sub-humans or uninteresting or otherwise unworthy of friendship, that all they can think of is the sheer wasted effort that went into treating them like people, only to receive little or no sex in return.


Or, to look at it another way, if your selling point is that you're a nice guy, that's a little like trying to sell a car by asserting that it has wheels.
 
2013-03-01 12:15:25 AM
Ceiling Moran


Every single one of you even partially blaming the victim: fark you. All of you. You're part of the problem.

Date An Inmate

I am sure her release date or 2023-2040 in no way is a red flag.
 
2013-03-01 12:16:04 AM
timethemoment.files.wordpress.com

that lat tat pretty much sums it up
 
2013-03-01 12:16:52 AM

claudiogut: That speaks volumes about the quality of that woman that was attracted to that ex-con... and also about the female photographer who was most probably attracted to him initially... while completely ignoring the father of the kids who is paying child support for that skank to endanger his kids by having that ex con around...


Even ignoring your choice of the word "skank" I would say that it's at least as likely that your comment speaks volumes about what kind of person YOU are.
 
2013-03-01 12:16:55 AM

orclover: al's hat: GoodOmens: Surprised no one's commented on the fact that this couple would argue over money yet had a huge ass TV in their living room.

Priorities I guess - poor kids.

Scumbag probably stole it...not a money issue.

Not their T.V, she was staying with somebody at the time of them hooking up.  She ran away from her ex-bf for unknown reasons and away from Alaska (who can blame her) and moved in with her (sister I think).  Not her house.  She's probably a HS dropout since she has 2 kids starting at 15.  Obviously a long list of poor life choices ending with hooking up with a felon who aparently has a boner for her 2 year old and wants beat up her 4 year old.
I know waaaay too many women like her.   In my life I would almost call her typical.  Yes my life has been described as "farked up" by outside "normal" people.


I don't think I want to know more about your life unless things significantly improve.  :(
 
2013-03-01 12:17:08 AM

moonscatter: Abox: moonscatter: she was never at fault.

In that you can't blame a person for their own stupidity?

He assaulted her. He failed kindergarten. No, a victim is NOT at fault for the assault committed on them. It falls squarely and completely on them.

If she had any fault, then wow, maybe he shouldn't be criminally charged, right? Maybe she should recant, or work on getting the charges dismissed, I mean, after all, being almost murdered was her fault for not loving him enough, right?


I'm pretty sure "stupidity" was used as a  reference to the decision of this young lady to hitch her young
 familial wagon to a this male definition of certain dubious character.
Everything about this guy screamed loser f*cking batterer.
 
2013-03-01 12:18:33 AM

gja: serial_crusher: "found jesus in prison"

Wow. Even he got busted?
DAY-UM!


I found Jesus in prison...along with Javier, Jose and Enrique.
 
2013-03-01 12:18:59 AM

Yogimus: Placing responsibility on the victim EMPOWERS the victim


Stop posting.  For your own sake.
 
2013-03-01 12:19:14 AM

Ihaveanevilparrot: orclover: I know waaaay too many women like her.   In my life I would almost call her typical.  Yes my life has been described as "farked up" by outside "normal" people.

Are you, too,  part of the "you can't possibly know/have seen that much farked up stuff because we don't want to believe..." club?


25.media.tumblr.com
i've seen some shiat man.....
 
2013-03-01 12:19:33 AM
Gah.  That guy is a farking IDIOT.  Can't understand why her kids get more attention than he does?

THEY ARE CHILDREN! THEY NEED THE EXTRA ATTENTION BECAUSE THEY CANNOT TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES!

*shakes head*

\she's 19 and has two kids, one 4 years old?
\\yeah, ok
 
2013-03-01 12:19:45 AM

skullkrusher: [timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 735x490]

that lat tat pretty much sums it up


I didn't notice that one.

Ladies, if you see a tat on a guy that describes him in a negative manner, the tat is probably true. Just sayin'.        You were forewarned. In HUGE letters nonetheless.

Didn't a comedian already do a skit about this same thing?
 
2013-03-01 12:20:49 AM

PanicMan: Yogimus: Placing responsibility on the victim EMPOWERS the victim

Stop posting.  For your own sake.


Your way is much better\. Keep telling her (or yourself) "It is not your fault. There is nothing you could do."
 
2013-03-01 12:20:55 AM

Huggermugger: There are so many terrifying things about this, one of them being that this is the sort of young woman that the GOP would like to completely prohibit from having an abortion, or access to birth control, so she'd end up with even more children, in even worse poverty and despair.

/cuz Jesus


Yeah, because ALL republicans are christian wifebeaters, who don't want their daughters to have abortions after being raped.

Thank, well no one you godless heathen, your a mighty smarty, all knowing what's better for everyone else. even if you can be bothered to do it for Democrat. Shouldn't you be down in the ghetto ripping colored babies from the womb with one hand whilst making it rain EBT's with the other?

/cuz hyperbole

ciberido: Theaetetus: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

 Hey, guys, we've got a sociopath in the thread. Make sure you update your farkies.

I already had him down from homophobia and general "jerkiness" in other threads.  It's amazing how often misogyny and homophobia go hand-in-hand.


As often as misandry and hetrophobia, but without the snazzy, flags, banners, and ribbons?

/i can respect jerks, they are their own warning.
 
2013-03-01 12:21:38 AM

Ihaveanevilparrot: skullkrusher: [timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 735x490]

that lat tat pretty much sums it up

I didn't notice that one.

Ladies, if you see a tat on a guy that describes him in a negative manner, the tat is probably true. Just sayin'.        You were forewarned. In HUGE letters nonetheless.

Didn't a comedian already do a skit about this same thing?


Dude is expressing his affinity for Rod Stewart on HIS NECK. That should've raised a red flag right there
 
2013-03-01 12:21:49 AM
Propaganda. Staged. Fake.  "Reality television", etc.
 
2013-03-01 12:23:12 AM

moonscatter: It was a privilege, no thanks will ever be needed.I wish every day I could have done more. And I have two dear friends who fight in the trenches still every day and I do all I can to support them. Every pro  bono case I take involves domestic violence on some level.

I wish I had the strength to make it a career, but perhaps among the most heartbreaking professions are those that deal with this. And the people who do this work are my personal heroes, each and every one.


Another name to add to my Favorites list.  Keep up the good work - domestic violence is such a huge problem that crosses all social and economic boundaries.

And it's not always a male involved - my wife was badly abused as a young child/teenager by her mother, and has severe depression as a result (that will probably be with her for the rest of her life).  Fortunately she has managed to break the "abuse cycle" and is a wonderful mother to her own children - but she has been through a couple of bad relationships in her past because of her lack of confidence in herself (including one relationship similar to the story here, except her abusive partner at the time had no initial signs of being like that).
 
2013-03-01 12:23:56 AM

orclover: Ihaveanevilparrot: orclover: I know waaaay too many women like her.   In my life I would almost call her typical.  Yes my life has been described as "farked up" by outside "normal" people.

Are you, too,  part of the "you can't possibly know/have seen that much farked up stuff because we don't want to believe..." club?

[25.media.tumblr.com image 500x375]
i've seen some shiat man.....


A lot of people must not have ever frequented a Waffle House or similar joint at 3a.m. when everyone comes in drunk.

All the white trash drama you could ever hope for. I've had strangers try to drag me into their argument. It's quite awkward.
 
2013-03-01 12:24:09 AM

Ihaveanevilparrot: Ladies, if you see a tat on a guy that describes him in a negative manner, the tat is probably true. Just sayin'.        You were forewarned. In HUGE letters nonetheless.


bloodytheater.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-03-01 12:25:19 AM
This would have never happened if she just did what she was told.
 
2013-03-01 12:25:41 AM
Strongbeerrules


Propaganda. Staged. Fake. "Reality television", etc.

One of the first things I thought, since there were so many quality photos of the abuse and teh camera person didn't step in.

Possibly based on "actual events" like the Hallmark Channel?
 
2013-03-01 12:26:21 AM

TV's Vinnie: [timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 517x341][doubtfulnews.com image 465x364]


IMHO, either of these primates would be perfectly OK with tearing my face off...

/ scary
 
2013-03-01 12:26:28 AM

Random Anonymous Blackmail: Date An Inmate

I am sure her release date or 2023-2040 in no way is a red flag.


Would you like letters from both sexes? Yes
and nowhere what she's in for
 
2013-03-01 12:27:28 AM

FARK rebel soldier: and nowhere

does it say what she's in for
 
2013-03-01 12:27:37 AM

skullkrusher: Dude is expressing his affinity for Rod Stewart on HIS NECK. That should've raised a red flag right there


Rod Stewart? F*ckit. biatch shoulda known what was comin' .
 
2013-03-01 12:28:40 AM

lokidecat: [timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 735x490]

He'll be making that face a lot in prison as he chugs tons of kawk.

What an ass... She made bad decisions of course, but nobody deserves to be mistreated.


He's hot too, he's gonna be popular.
 
2013-03-01 12:28:45 AM

Yogimus: I disagree. Placing responsibility on the victim EMPOWERS the victim. Removing all responsibility removes all ability to affect the situation. Like I said... the FIRST time, it is NOT her fault.


No one is a mind reader.  At NO TIME is it anyone's fault to be abused or attacked.  Abuse generally starts slowly: the target is isolated, made dependent on the abuser, self-esteem and self-worth are chipped away and generally brainwashed to think that the one being abused thinks that s/he deserves the abuse.  Then you have the threats of "if you leave, I'll kill you" - which is generally what happens with the worst cases.

Abusers also tend to be fairly charismatic.  They play the good guy - until the victim is isolated and dependent on the abuser.

So no, there is no "personal responsibility" on the abused for the abuse they received.

Here's something for you to read.  That deals primarily with rape and sexual assault, but it can also be applied to domestic abuse.
 
2013-03-01 12:29:24 AM
There is never any excuse to hit a woman! This clown needs to be taken out back and shot.
 
2013-03-01 12:29:33 AM

al's hat: I don't think I want to know more about your life unless things significantly improve.  :(


It significantly improved after I married another walking sack of scar tissue.   We cut off all ties to the people we knew, which never stopped them from trying to drag us back into their various dramas but we have avoided it almost entirely for 16 years.

We almost pass for normal on our good days now :)
 
2013-03-01 12:29:39 AM
Dammit, link got tossed.  Here: http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/03/25/predator-theory/
 
2013-03-01 12:30:40 AM

lokidecat: Theaetetus: It was so important of you to throw in that first clause, huh? Can't resist that little smug dig?

Look: what he did is inexcusable. I don't think she deserved it one bit. But how we select our mates is a big part of the end result. She had an idea of who he was when she met him. He snowed her with the "i'm a changed guy" bit without a doubt and maybe played to some of her insecurities.

Again, she doesn't deserve it... but that was a red flag from day one.


Jesus Christ, this.

I've read a few folks jumping down anyone's throat who dares criticise the woman in this story.  She didn't deserve to be roughed up by an asshole and NOBODY IS SAYING THAT.  However, 20 yrs old, 2 children, estranged (and i wanna know the story there, too) husband who is the father of said kids.   This woman has made some poor decisions in her life as well.   Some very stupid ones if they landed her living with this jack off....


The f*cker boyfriend is scum, but she chose to live with him.  An ex con who can't get work.  She made this choice.  For herself and her children.   The white knights in here need to accept she made some poor choices in life.   She's damn lucky she got out of this alive, much less not seriously hurt (or her children).
 
2013-03-01 12:30:48 AM

Random Anonymous Blackmail: Ceiling Moran


Every single one of you even partially blaming the victim: fark you. All of you. You're part of the problem.

Date An Inmate

I am sure her release date or 2023-2040 in no way is a red flag.


I don't like the stabby ones, but i fear them less than the redheads.
 
2013-03-01 12:31:52 AM
"White Trash" tattoo down left and right rib cage.... Hmmm, if that doesnt generate a "Danger, Will Robinson" sound in a woman's head, I dunno what will.
 
2013-03-01 12:31:56 AM

SpaceyCat: So no, there is no "personal responsibility" on the abused for the abuse they received.


No responsibility means there was nothing they could do... means there is nothing they CAN do.  This is dangerous, and counterproductive.  It is VERY dangerous when all the support an abuser counts on tells her that she/he holds no responsibility for preventing FUTURE events. (note that word, it is important)
 
2013-03-01 12:32:04 AM

BummerDuck: The story left unsaid is what happened to the father? I wonder if he was denied custody of the kids because he is male? Well, I'm sure his money was paying for everything. Poor bastard, now his kids are screwed up for life.


I'm certain the guy who knocked her up at 15 is a fine responsible gentleman.
 
2013-03-01 12:32:42 AM

Bender The Offender: Yogimus: I am the farking police.

You are a farking liar. No police officer would advocate 3rd parties insert themselves into assaults, that's a great way to increase a victim count and get arrested. I've been arrested for intervening when a young guy was beating and robbing an old guy in a parking lot (with witnesses and security footage to that affect) and I was arrested. Every mother farker, from the arresting officer, to the magistrate, to the DA and judge told me I should not have physically got involved. The case was Nolle Pros, but that didn't matter, because I still had to deal with the bullshiat of getting arrested and fingerprinted and posting bail, and going to court. You're bullshiat and dishonest advice is a great way to get arrested. Just stop with the farking internet tough guy bullshiat. You're a farking liar.


Would you do it again?
 
2013-03-01 12:33:02 AM

Yogimus: ciberido: ReapTheChaos: So, the photographer just stood there the whole time snapping photos  while both parties act oblivious to her presence then the dude beats the shiat out of his wife while someone snaps pics?

Bullshiat.


FTA:  I've been castigated by a number of anonymous internet commenters who have said that I should have somehow physically intervened between the two. Their criticism counters what actual law enforcement officers have told me - that physically intervening would have likely only made the situation worse, endangering me, and further endangering Maggie.


So either you didn't bother to read the article, or you think you're more of an expert on domestic violence than the police.

I am the farking police.


Just not a very good one, apparently.
 
2013-03-01 12:33:38 AM
i487.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-01 12:34:27 AM

ciberido: Yogimus: ciberido: ReapTheChaos: So, the photographer just stood there the whole time snapping photos  while both parties act oblivious to her presence then the dude beats the shiat out of his wife while someone snaps pics?

Bullshiat.


FTA:  I've been castigated by a number of anonymous internet commenters who have said that I should have somehow physically intervened between the two. Their criticism counters what actual law enforcement officers have told me - that physically intervening would have likely only made the situation worse, endangering me, and further endangering Maggie.


So either you didn't bother to read the article, or you think you're more of an expert on domestic violence than the police.

I am the farking police.

Just not a very good one, apparently.


Quick question: Would you jerk off as she gets her ass beat? Cause then at least I could understand.
 
2013-03-01 12:34:33 AM
These kinds of people are why I find go home to south eastern Ohio to visit. There's next to nothing in that region I want to associate with.

/except Hocking Hills State Park
//and Adornettos pizza
 
2013-03-01 12:35:12 AM
Tip for Shane:  You have a criminal record.  You have no job.  Getting more tattoos is not going to help that situation.

Tip for Maggie:  You're not the Messiah.  Shane, however, is a very naughty boy.  Prison time + tattoos + no job = run.
 
2013-03-01 12:35:38 AM

lokidecat: [timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 735x490]

He'll be making that face a lot in prison as he chugs tons of kawk.

What an ass... She made bad decisions of course, but nobody deserves to be mistreated.


What about him - does he deserve to be mistreated? (I vote yes).
 
2013-03-01 12:35:46 AM

orclover: I married another walking sack of scar tissue.   We cut off all ties to the people we knew, which never stopped them from trying to drag us back into their various dramas but we have avoided it almost entirely for 16 years.


Same here.

Still get pulled into some kind of drama every few years. I think it's over after last time though (not gonna explain, long story). We seem to have burned through all of our white trash friends at this point and cut ties, after that last time.

In short, it involved, strippers, meth, and a violent impulsive drunk.

Gotta love growing up thinking that's normal.
 
2013-03-01 12:39:21 AM

orclover: al's hat: I don't think I want to know more about your life unless things significantly improve.  :(

It significantly improved after I married another walking sack of scar tissue.   We cut off all ties to the people we knew, which never stopped them from trying to drag us back into their various dramas but we have avoided it almost entirely for 16 years.

We almost pass for normal on our good days now :)


Yeah, almost.

Why thank you, hun.
 
2013-03-01 12:40:17 AM

FARK rebel soldier: Random Anonymous Blackmail: Date An Inmate

I am sure her release date or 2023-2040 in no way is a red flag.

Would you like letters from both sexes? Yes
and nowhere what she's in for


Murder.
 
2013-03-01 12:40:45 AM

SpaceyCat: Yogimus: I disagree. Placing responsibility on the victim EMPOWERS the victim. Removing all responsibility removes all ability to affect the situation. Like I said... the FIRST time, it is NOT her fault.

No one is a mind reader.  At NO TIME is it anyone's fault to be abused or attacked.  Abuse generally starts slowly: the target is isolated, made dependent on the abuser, self-esteem and self-worth are chipped away and generally brainwashed to think that the one being abused thinks that s/he deserves the abuse.  Then you have the threats of "if you leave, I'll kill you" - which is generally what happens with the worst cases.

Abusers also tend to be fairly charismatic.  They play the good guy - until the victim is isolated and dependent on the abuser.

So no, there is no "personal responsibility" on the abused for the abuse they received.

Here's something for you to read.  That deals primarily with rape and sexual assault, but it can also be applied to domestic abuse.


My dad was fantastic at playing the good guy in public. He got a plaque from a local baptist church for helping with their computers,he even got baptized yet at home he was beating all of us,molesting my sister and me and the non stop threats of being murdered,cutting off the power,cutting the phone lines,the road rage and all the other bullshiat he would do never stopped. Hell they probably were worse when he was doing that work for that church. It was farking sickening watching people tell him what a good guy he was for all his help cause I knew it was a whole other world when we all got home. Also that guilt,like it's your fault,doesn't really seem to ever go away.
/He tried to friend me on facebook after not seeing him for 10 years in Dec. of last year and I'm still scared.
//He acted like everything was just fine.
 
2013-03-01 12:40:50 AM
Reminds me of dear, old, drunk-ass dad..... although dad was from a  pre-ink generation.  What I've discovered from experience is that dudes like this are cowards.   I found it terrifying as a child, but now I laugh at this type of histrionics.  As for dad, he's still alive....a broken down old feeb terrified of death.   I not happy to see him as he is now, but I don't feel sorry for him either.  I look at him and think, "You didn't know how to live like a man, why don't you try and die with some dignity?"    Sure looks like he's not going to be able to manage that either.

Cowardly loser.

timethemoment.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-03-01 12:42:06 AM
His photojournalist instincts kicked in, a.k.a. cower behind a lens and do nothing.
 
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