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(Time)   A fascinating (and heartbreaking) look through a photographer's lens as she chronicles one couple's descent in domestic violence   (lightbox.time.com) divider line 585
    More: Sad, domestic violence, Ohio University  
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30766 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Feb 2013 at 10:06 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-28 11:40:24 PM
timethemoment.files.wordpress.com

I want a pony!!
 
2013-02-28 11:40:48 PM

Theaetetus: TommyymmoT: starrion: I am actually physically sick. I have never heard of this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-h i gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0">http://www.nytimes.com/2012/0 5/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-hi gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0

I mean WTF? How the hell is this tolerated? WHY HASN'T THIS BEEN DEALT WITH BEFORE?

RAPE TOURS?!! How about NO!

=========
I hope nobody really is tracking my Google searches.
I typed in the keywords "rape" "tour" "reservations".

Book early, book often?


Seriously, I just wanted to find an article about rape on the reservations.
 
2013-02-28 11:42:38 PM

2wolves: Yogimus: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

Link the act, specifically the portions you support.  I find "acts" that have feelgood names are more often than not complete bullshiat that do little to solve the issues they are named after.  Is beating a woman legal? No? Then why more laws? What is the benefit?


/50% snark, 50% curiosity.  Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.

Helping to stop "Rape Tours" of reservations.

No, I'm not joking.


Rape, murdering, and stealing that which isn't fought hard enough for

moonscatter: Slam1263: moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.

How many men did you help?

No one believed me until I was in the hospital with a bullet in me.

Only had to shoot me once, and I was out of there.

SpdrJay: Dysfunction Junction....what's your function?

I'm still mad DJ went behind a paywall, so let's not rub salt into the wounds.

Egoy3k: The guy is a cock, but I can't help be feel sorry for him as well. He's just too flat out stupid to control his emotions. It's not like he set out to be a terrible human being. Alcohol, lack of an education, unresolved emotional issues and just plain stupidity are a bad mixture.

Valid point, I was raised in a very poor area, and there were only three kinds of men, those that wanted better, those that thought crime was easier, and the apathetic. Oh the dozen kids I ran around with, the five girls are all still alive, a couple are just barely alive, me, and one other guy are still kicking around.

I helped quite a few -- I was really lucky to work with an amazing group of social workers who helped me put together cases. The hardest part with cases where the men were being abused was to get them to come to court. They just would NOT testify.

I think the one that broke my heart the most, and was still so glad I got, was a man who was in his 60's who was being abused by a 20 year old girlfriend. In public, it was like Hugh Heffner ...


Much better, I have 3 DV arrests on my record, because it is almost always the man's fault, and I was threatened with never seeing my kids again, but after the shooting, and thank God her alibi fell through, a senior deputy came in and apologized because they had never believed me.

It's a good thing attitudes are changing.
 
2013-02-28 11:42:45 PM
I have no clue how this can be real...

Did they stop and posed for the pictures?  they just are too detailed and scenic to be just random snapshots...

Someone in a really pissed off mood and violent, and he'd let someone stand there next to him and take pictures of him doing this stuff...?

I've known violent people and that's the last thing that they want... a record of them doing it...

Was the camera hidden or something?  Was the person invisible?

What did I miss after reading that article and looking at the pictures twice...?
 
2013-02-28 11:43:47 PM

A Terrible Human: At least the someone called the cops and she left. Imagine shiat like that going on almost every night for years.



Based on the description, that's exactly what I expected.  This wasn't a normal happy couple descending into domestic violence, it's a violent ex-con who blew up and assaulted his girlfriend (and sort of her kids too).  And she was smart enough to get out of town instead of staying around.
 
2013-02-28 11:43:51 PM

TommyymmoT: Theaetetus: TommyymmoT: starrion: I am actually physically sick. I have never heard of this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-h i gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0">http://www.nytimes.com/2012/0 5/23/us/native-americans-struggle-with-hi gh-rate-of-rape.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0

I mean WTF? How the hell is this tolerated? WHY HASN'T THIS BEEN DEALT WITH BEFORE?

RAPE TOURS?!! How about NO!

=========
I hope nobody really is tracking my Google searches.
I typed in the keywords "rape" "tour" "reservations".

Book early, book often?

Seriously, I just wanted to find an article about rape on the reservations.


Worst Google search ever.
 
2013-02-28 11:44:53 PM

grunthos: Yogimus, you are a liar. Or the stupidest member of the law enforcement community there ever has been.

ANY time I've called law enforcement when witnessing someone being abused, they, without fail, assured me that was the right thing to do and to not have gotten involved myself.

Only if she was in danger of losing her life before the cops showed up would you get involved, and then only to the degree to delay or evade until law enforcement showed up.

[lying_douchenozzle.jpg]


Do you REALLY... I mean REALLY expect anyone in a position of liability to tell you to do anything other than what is the absolute safest possible outcome for you?
 
2013-02-28 11:45:25 PM
great photos, terrible headline

"A fascinating (and heartbreaking) look through a photographer's lens as he chronicles one couple's descent in domestic violence "

Sorry, but he has been in prison most of his life and she has been abused since she was very young.
So it chronicled only one of the most recent phases of their never ending trip through abuse.

/yes, I didnt bother reading the article, but I would bet my life and everything that I own, that she has been abused most of her life and gotten little or no treatment for it.
 
2013-02-28 11:45:53 PM
timethemoment.files.wordpress.com

This thread rocks!
 
2013-02-28 11:46:43 PM

Theaetetus: It was so important of you to throw in that first clause, huh? Can't resist that little smug dig?


Look: what he did is inexcusable. I don't think she deserved it one bit. But how we select our mates is a big part of the end result. She had an idea of who he was when she met him. He snowed her with the "i'm a changed guy" bit without a doubt and maybe played to some of her insecurities.

Again, she doesn't deserve it... but that was a red flag from day one.
 
2013-02-28 11:48:12 PM

Yogimus: Staple this to your door. (literally this: print it out)

[media.masslive.com image 665x481]


That blew my farkingmind...  I couldnt figure out where you were going with that in relation to this story, I was stuck on that pic for like a minute going "how the fark does that help!??!?!, is that for intimidation of abusing husbands? are we suposed to put it on their door to fark with them? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!?!?"  But instead one post down it turns out your trolling two threads and got confused.  But for like a minute almost, mind...blown.....
 
2013-02-28 11:48:46 PM

A Terrible Human: BummerDuck: I obviously _could_ be wrong, but that gives me the conclusion that SHE had the power to get rid of him at any time. She chose not to, and so I only feel sorry for the kids for having an idiot for a mother, and potentially for the dad.

Quantum Apostrophe: Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.

/Your screen name wasn't just randomly selected, was it.

My father didn't drink,do drugs or have any tattoos yet he managed to beat my mom,sister and me for the first 14 years of my farking life. He threatened to beat my mom and me to death over child support. Take your nice guy bullshiat and cram it up your ass and farking die. You don't realize how bad shiat can get if you haven't lived through it.


So, your mom eventually left the bastard, good for her. To bad she didn't do it earlier, before you were scarred for life.
 
2013-02-28 11:48:57 PM

Ihaveanevilparrot: Abusers need to have control of everything. It's when they feel themselves losing control that they become the worst. Once they've lost you altogether they're nice as can be, which is how women get tricked into coming back because "he's changed." But as soon as your back they're going to try and regain that control again. Some do it through physical intimidation, some mental, some both, but it's all abuse.


abusers and abused - children of the same parents. close to 100% were abused as children. few if any abusers or abused adults get there without being abused as children.

horrifying
truly horrifying
and the more I have learned over the years, the more horrified that I have become
 
2013-02-28 11:50:30 PM

ongbok: [timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 850x566]

This thread rocks!


here's a hint ladies:
if they have tons of prison tats, DONT TALK TO THEM. RUN THE FARK AWAY
 
2013-02-28 11:51:27 PM
orclover

Sorry man im farkin drunk
 
2013-02-28 11:52:28 PM

namatad: but I would bet my life and everything that I own, that she has been abused most of her life and gotten little or no treatment for it.


So would I.

Hopefully she's smart enough to find/stay with a guy that isn't abusive, and stops trying to recreate and "fix" whatever abuse she went through before.

That's what I did. But then again my abuse was mild compared to some people, and I was smart enough not to have 3 kids by her age. So unfortunately it doesn't look good.
I've had a lot of friends with a similar background of poverty and abuse to me, and many of them just keep repeating it. They won't take advice, even from someone who got away from it.

Even if she wasn't abused BEFORE, this will have farked her up big time. With the military she likely has free access to therapists, so I can only hope she gets someone to talk to for her and especially her children. Once incident like this in a children's life can change them mentally forever.
 
2013-02-28 11:52:31 PM

Yogimus: I am the farking police.


You are a farking liar. No police officer would advocate 3rd parties insert themselves into assaults, that's a great way to increase a victim count and get arrested. I've been arrested for intervening when a young guy was beating and robbing an old guy in a parking lot (with witnesses and security footage to that affect) and I was arrested. Every mother farker, from the arresting officer, to the magistrate, to the DA and judge told me I should not have physically got involved. The case was Nolle Pros, but that didn't matter, because I still had to deal with the bullshiat of getting arrested and fingerprinted and posting bail, and going to court. You're bullshiat and dishonest advice is a great way to get arrested. Just stop with the farking internet tough guy bullshiat. You're a farking liar.
 
2013-02-28 11:52:35 PM

moonscatter: KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.

I know this REALLY awesome rich doctor. He'll treat you "just like family." He's incredibly wealthy, having patented a surgical procedure for carpal tunnel cases. His name is Michael Brown and he's looking for a new love. You should check him out.


If that doesn't float your boat, there's this really famous South African athlete.  Made it to the Olympics despite having no legs.  He's a hero, an inspiration to us all.  Surely, he's husband material.
 
2013-02-28 11:53:38 PM

TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.


It's OK. I'm sure that you write your state elected officials and demand that they implement a state version of VAWA, don't you? DON'T YOU?

VAWA should have been voted down because there's no federal issue involved.
 
2013-02-28 11:54:29 PM
Yogimus, do you mean the cops ...the same folks that you claim to be? No dispatcher told me that...it was the actual cops that always say "Don't get involved unless the perpetrator is in the act of taking their life".

I've intervened in street fights, an assault on a woman at a bus stop, a rape attempt, a woman beating her kid senseless in the next apartment, men groping women on the subway. I make my presence known to them while I call the police. I tell the police I was two steps away from starting some whoopass myself. They ALWAYS tell me that's the worst thing to do. It'd only make things worse.

That's how I, and everybody else, know you are a douchenozzle.
 
2013-02-28 11:54:47 PM

Bender The Offender: You are a farking liar. No police officer would advocate 3rd parties insert themselves into assaults, that's a great way to increase a victim count and get arrested. I've been arrested for intervening when a young guy was beating and robbing an old guy in a parking lot (with witnesses and security footage to that affect) and I was arrested. Every mother farker, from the arresting officer, to the magistrate, to the DA and judge told me I should not have physically got involved. The case was Nolle Pros, but that didn't matter, because I still had to deal w


Multiple victims = the wife can't ignore the event. We just can't say anything that would hold us liable. You are responsible if you let it happen. Deal with it.
 
2013-02-28 11:55:08 PM
This is really tough to look through, even for a mostly jaded guy like me.  Still, I have to shake my head at all of this (at least to a point).  I know that love can easily blind us to reality, but the sheer stupidity of the decisions that people make is amazing at times.
 
2013-02-28 11:55:53 PM
Slam1263: Much better, I have 3 DV arrests on my record, because it is almost always the man's fault, and I was threatened with never seeing my kids again, but after the shooting, and thank God her alibi fell through, a senior deputy came in and apologized because they had never believed me.

It's a good thing attitudes are changing.


Slowly, yes. However, most people will never believe that a can be abused, especially when it was mostly emotional abuse.

/she only hit me when she was mad
//she only cheated when she was 'confused'
//she's long gone, and i'm much happier
 
2013-02-28 11:58:07 PM
Oh, and as to the ongoing debate about the photographer: she did the best possible thing she could.  A lot of domestic violence cases slip through the cracks, because either the victim chooses not to press charges, or there's not enough evidence.  But there's pictures of this motherfarker.  He's going back to jail, and he's never going to hurt her or those kids again.
 
2013-02-28 11:58:16 PM
Surprised no one's commented on the fact that this couple would argue over money yet had a huge ass TV in their living room.

Priorities I guess - poor kids.
 
2013-02-28 11:58:33 PM
That guy needs a nailbat to the crotch pronto.
 
2013-02-28 11:59:19 PM

GoodOmens: Surprised no one's commented on the fact that this couple would argue over money yet had a huge ass TV in their living room.

Priorities I guess - poor kids.


Scumbag probably stole it...not a money issue.
 
2013-03-01 12:00:18 AM

DeepDownHounds: [timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 735x490]

/farking TERRIFYING


This pic

timethemoment.files.wordpress.com

reminds me of a more trashy version of this....
 
2013-03-01 12:00:50 AM
And think just yesterday there was a thread about a GOP Congressman that said that some women like that kinda thing.
And there was also the thread where certain individuals were defending his actions. Someone should tape that fark's eyes open and make him look at those pics./I didn't make it through all the pics//had seen enough
 
2013-03-01 12:02:32 AM

soupbone: DeepDownHounds: [timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 735x490]

/farking TERRIFYING

This pic

[timethemoment.files.wordpress.com image 850x566]

reminds me of a more trashy version of this....


Let me try that again....

This pic

timethemoment.files.wordpress.com

Reminds me of a trashier version of this...

www.socialmediadelivered.com
 
2013-03-01 12:02:33 AM

namatad: few if any abusers or abused adults get there without being abused as children.


I agree. But supposedly my dad was not abused as a child. If he was no one will talk about it. He grew up in the 50's so I'm sure he got spankings, but nothing more than any of the other kids at the time. None of my family members will say anything about any sort of supposed abuse. But all his siblings are messed up in one way or another, so I dunno.

Lately I keep thinking about my grandmothers personality, though, and it probably was mentally rough living with her. She is an extremely controlling, apathetic person, almost a narcissist. Nothing she says/does seems "genuine" so to speak, and she makes passive aggressive remarks constantly (my dad said when he was a kid she was more aggressive than passive, but he won't elaborate further) and I don't see how there wasn't some kind of mental abuse from her end. She never ever admits she's wrong, she just moves on to another subject like nothing happened. And plays dumb, even though we know she's extremely smart (she reads Shakespeare easily and accurately, and remembers french all the way back from high school - even at almost 90 yrs old - she ain't no dummy)
My dad is kind of like her, only not as bad, as he can show true empathy toward people and animals, and he has once or twice admitted to being wrong.
 
2013-03-01 12:02:41 AM
Does anyone else feel like these pictures are fake/staged?  Maybe I'm just in denial, but it seems too perfect: a cute blonde lady, cuter daughter, a guy with all these tattoos and his shirt off showing off chiseled muscles, and the house is so clean.

Anyway, domestic violence is sad ;_;
 
2013-03-01 12:02:44 AM

GoodOmens: Surprised no one's commented on the fact that this couple would argue over money yet had a huge ass TV in their living room.

Priorities I guess - poor kids.


Yeah... they don't make projection sets that small anymore, Gramps.  That thing is really old.
 
2013-03-01 12:02:44 AM
i202.photobucket.com
....but I understand.
 
2013-03-01 12:02:56 AM

Just_a_Bear: been there, got out.


csb
 
2013-03-01 12:03:03 AM

GoodOmens: Surprised no one's commented on the fact that this couple would argue over money yet had a huge ass TV in their living room.

Priorities I guess - poor kids.


I surprised you didn't read the article that accompanied the pictures that said that they were staying at a friends house.
 
2013-03-01 12:03:42 AM
Do yourself a favor: only watch this slideshow in the light of day.
 
2013-03-01 12:03:59 AM

Yogimus: orclover

Sorry man im farkin drunk


With power, or are you hitting the Massengills again?

sugar_fetus: Slam1263: Much better, I have 3 DV arrests on my record, because it is almost always the man's fault, and I was threatened with never seeing my kids again, but after the shooting, and thank God her alibi fell through, a senior deputy came in and apologized because they had never believed me.

It's a good thing attitudes are changing.

Slowly, yes. However, most people will never believe that a can be abused, especially when it was mostly emotional abuse.

/she only hit me when she was mad
//she only cheated when she was 'confused'
//she's long gone, and i'm much happier


No doubt, I am glad I found my current SO, because she's a farking princess to me.
 
2013-03-01 12:04:24 AM

DrPainMD: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

It's OK. I'm sure that you write your state elected officials and demand that they implement a state version of VAWA, don't you? DON'T YOU?

VAWA should have been voted down because there's no federal issue involved.


Yes there is a Federal issue: When you cross the border onto tribal land it is Federally controlled. In theory.
 
2013-03-01 12:04:28 AM

Quantum Apostrophe: The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.


Protip: the problem with creepy "nice" guys isn't that they're nice, and it isn't that they're socially awkward.

But part of the problem is that they THINK the only reason women don't want to date them is that they're "socially awkward" and "too nice" and women are too shallow and stupid to look past that.

Maaaaaaybe the fact that you think that women shallow and stupid has something to do with it.
 
2013-03-01 12:04:30 AM
Every single one of you even partially blaming the victim: fark you. All of you. You're part of the problem.
 
2013-03-01 12:05:32 AM

GoodOmens: Surprised no one's commented on the fact that this couple would argue over money yet had a huge ass TV in their living room.

Priorities I guess - poor kids.


If you read the article/captions, you would know that they were staying at a friend's house that evening.  Of couse they both smoke and those cast, what $6+ a pack these days?
 
2013-03-01 12:05:47 AM

GoodOmens: Surprised no one's commented on the fact that this couple would argue over money yet had a huge ass TV in their living room.

Priorities I guess - poor kids.


It's not their living room.

They were staying at a friend's house for a week.
 
2013-03-01 12:08:05 AM

Ceiling Moran: Every single one of you even partially blaming the victim: fark you. All of you. You're part of the problem.


I disagree. Placing responsibility on the victim EMPOWERS the victim. Removing all responsibility removes all ability to affect the situation.  Like I said... the FIRST time, it is NOT her fault.
 
2013-03-01 12:08:32 AM

GoodOmens: Surprised no one's commented on the fact that this couple would argue over money yet had a huge ass TV in their living room.


I thought that was just normal for white trash....

Rent-to-Own, motherf*ckers.

Sure you pay $6000 for a tv that will be worth $500 once you pay it off, but it's only one easy payment of $25 a week! (for 5 years)
 
2013-03-01 12:08:35 AM

al's hat: GoodOmens: Surprised no one's commented on the fact that this couple would argue over money yet had a huge ass TV in their living room.

Priorities I guess - poor kids.

Scumbag probably stole it...not a money issue.


Not their T.V, she was staying with somebody at the time of them hooking up.  She ran away from her ex-bf for unknown reasons and away from Alaska (who can blame her) and moved in with her (sister I think).  Not her house.  She's probably a HS dropout since she has 2 kids starting at 15.  Obviously a long list of poor life choices ending with hooking up with a felon who aparently has a boner for her 2 year old and wants beat up her 4 year old.
I know waaaay too many women like her.   In my life I would almost call her typical.  Yes my life has been described as "farked up" by outside "normal" people.
 
2013-03-01 12:09:14 AM

Jixa: Maybe it's just my "survivor's paranoia", but what disturbed me more was the disproportionate amount of attention he lavished on the little girl.  Good on her for leaving that douchenozzle and starting over.  shiat like that never ends well when they stay together.


I suspect that if they stayed to together, he'd start molesting the girl when she got older. So the mom had even more reason to get the hell away from that asshole.
 
2013-03-01 12:09:17 AM
There are so many terrifying things about this, one of them being that this is the sort of young woman that the GOP would like to completely prohibit from having an abortion, or access to birth control, so she'd end up with even more children, in even worse poverty and despair.

/cuz Jesus
 
2013-03-01 12:09:44 AM

Theaetetus: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

 Hey, guys, we've got a sociopath in the thread. Make sure you update your farkies.


I already had him down from homophobia and general "jerkiness" in other threads.  It's amazing how often misogyny and homophobia go hand-in-hand.
 
2013-03-01 12:09:45 AM
Worldwalker


GoodOmens: Surprised no one's commented on the fact that this couple would argue over money yet had a huge ass TV in their living room.

Priorities I guess - poor kids.

It's not their living room.

They were staying at a friend's house for a week.


Also, if you know anything about recent technology, that is not recent technology. I bet that TV is at least 10 years old.
 
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