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(Time)   A fascinating (and heartbreaking) look through a photographer's lens as she chronicles one couple's descent in domestic violence   (lightbox.time.com) divider line 585
    More: Sad, domestic violence, Ohio University  
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30764 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Feb 2013 at 10:06 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-28 10:46:34 PM
Mother believes she is fortunate to have a "man", regardless of the price.  I have seen this MANY times. I will help a 1st timer out till the ends of the earth, even if that means she stays in my apt and I sleep in a hotel. (done it.) The SECOND they go back for more? fark em. Write em off as a wasted life, and pray that family services save the kids in time.

/I welcome the cluebat.
 
2013-02-28 10:46:43 PM

Brostorm: Listen, someone has to say it.  These are trash people making horrible decisions. She put herself in this situation, 2 kids, 20 years old dating a convicted felon with no prospects.  Was he a piece of human garbage?  Absolutely.  The problem is she knew that already, long before the inevitable happened.


Why did it take this long for someone to say this?? I was thinking the SAME thing! The only people I felt sorry for in that scenario were the kids.
 
2013-02-28 10:46:52 PM

Coco LaFemme: Father is stationed in Alaska in the Army. My guess would be she got custody of the kids since there's no chance she could be deployed anywhere.


Yes.  She gets custody, even if he's the better parent.
 
2013-02-28 10:46:53 PM

Freudian_slipknot: A Terrible Human: nice guy bullshiat?

I have a huge collection of "nice guys" here whose posts all show up light pink for me so I never have to take anything they say seriously ever again.

It's delusional thinking on par with birthers.  These threads really bring out the loons.


Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I could be wrong. I could just have encountered these observations because I have made less-than-good decisions in my life rendering them obviously skewed and expected, but it sure doesn't seem that way.

I like the "I'm a guy" kind of guy. If they specify (and insist) that they are nice or talented or super-easy-going or whatever... it's automatic Opposite Day in my head.
 
2013-02-28 10:47:05 PM

StrangeQ: KIA: Welcome to redneck America.  Oh, and... don't date felons or people who carry visible demonstrations of their inability to make good life choices.

She was 19 with a four year old and a two year old; I don't think she is exactly a paragon of good decision making.


She's still a kid, and he got her when she was lonely and mad at the father of the two kids for going away to Afghanistan and leaving her to deal.  The prison guy paid attention to her (by phone), told her how much better he would treat her and she bought it.  She doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand how life really works.

Now she knows, and I'll bet she damn well appreciates the father of her kids.  I, in no way, blame her for the other guys violence, as violence is unacceptable in any relationship, and I'm sorry she had to learn the lesson the hard way.  Some women never do.  I hope like hell she remembers when times get rough again.

I taught my nieces that you have to KNOW you can take care of yourself on your own before you get yourself involved in a relationship - so if something happens you know you can take care of yourself and not be afraid to leave.  And of course to stay away from guys like this.

If she had a kid at 15, I'm pretty positive that parental attention was something she missed out on for a long time.
 
2013-02-28 10:47:21 PM

Via Infinito: I love how ignorant people were giving the photographer a bunch of shiat for not "intervening" in the assault.  Maybe she didn't want to get choked out too? She's a f*cking photographer, not a UFC fighter.


I've made a point to never get involved in a "domestic dispute" with people I don't really know. Family or close friends only, where I know both people well, know their mentality and reactions, and I have a better chance of de-escalating the situation

Taking sides can make the abuser more violent for one, not to mention half the time the woman starts taking the mans side and gets aggressive toward you for not minding your own business.

Nope. I'll let the cops handle it. If I was a 6' 6" tall man and not a 5'2" woman I might do something different.
Also, as a gun owner, since someone inevitably is thinking "If someone had a gun they coulda shot or threatened to shoot him," I'm gonna say that first of all it's illegal to threaten someone with a gun (brandishing a firearm), and it's only legal to shoot if you or someone else is in fear for their life.
In this case, the guy was unarmed, and  did some choking, but she didn't pass out or anything, and he didn't appear to be threatening anyone else. I don't think it elevated to a "fear for my life" situation before the cops got there. And even if it did, the guilt it would put on the abused would be horrendous. People like that always tend to put the blame on themselves in some way.

Unfortunately the responsibility is on the woman to make a decision to tell the truth when the cops show up, press charges, get a restraining order, and leave the guy. Intervening yourself rarely comes to anything. Even if you de-escalate the situation, it might make it worse, as she might refuse to press chargers, stay with him longer and end up abused further.

Domestic abuse is always a tricky sitution, and I don't fault the photographer for not getting in the middle. To keep taking pictures, also allowed for more evidence of the assault, if needed in court.
 
2013-02-28 10:47:38 PM
It's amazing how much of a change it is from Columbus to Lancaster and further southeast. I can't ever thank my parents enough for moving us to a better area (and for not being redneck hicks).
 
2013-02-28 10:47:48 PM

A Terrible Human: BummerDuck: I obviously _could_ be wrong, but that gives me the conclusion that SHE had the power to get rid of him at any time. She chose not to, and so I only feel sorry for the kids for having an idiot for a mother, and potentially for the dad.

Quantum Apostrophe: Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.

/Your screen name wasn't just randomly selected, was it.

My father didn't drink,do drugs or have any tattoos yet he managed to beat my mom,sister and me for the first 14 years of my farking life. He threatened to beat my mom and me to death over child support. Take your nice guy bullshiat and cram it up your ass and farking die. You don't realize how bad shiat can get if you haven't lived through it.


I'm really sorry you have gone through that. And for those that are curious, about 50% of my cases looked just like this.

/20 months, more than 1,000 cases.  I learned a lot, and cried a lot on Thursdays
// Thursdays were new case evaluation dates
/// If you haven't had to deal with this, be grateful, don't be an asshole, even if this is Fark
 
2013-02-28 10:47:50 PM

BummerDuck: A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?

Shane was unemployed, therefor not the provider. Looks like they had nice stuff, so she must have been paying for it.

I obviously _could_ be wrong, but that gives me the conclusion that SHE had the power to get rid of him at any time. She chose not to, and so I only feel sorry for the kids for having an idiot for a mother, and potentially for the dad.

If only we had some island we could put people like Shane...to be with his own kind...we could call it Australia?


Do people bother reading any of the text in the linked articles or is that not what the cool kids do?  Shane, the tattooed freak, is not the father of her two children.  Her estranged Army husband in Alaska is the father.
 
2013-02-28 10:47:54 PM

ReapTheChaos: So, the photographer just stood there the whole time snapping photos  while both parties act oblivious to her presence then the dude beats the shiat out of his wife while someone snaps pics?

Bullshiat.


How can I tell that you A. didn't read the article and B. didn't read the thread?
 
2013-02-28 10:48:07 PM

Yogimus: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

Link the act, specifically the portions you support.  I find "acts" that have feelgood names are more often than not complete bullshiat that do little to solve the issues they are named after.  Is beating a woman legal? No? Then why more laws? What is the benefit?


/50% snark, 50% curiosity.  Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.


Helping to stop "Rape Tours" of reservations.

No, I'm not joking.
 
2013-02-28 10:48:39 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.


No, they're jerks that use physical manipulation to try and get what they want, because they think that they deserve it.

As opposed to jerks that use emotional manipulation to try and get what they want, because they think that they deserve it.
 
2013-02-28 10:48:54 PM

JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.


 Hey, guys, we've got a sociopath in the thread. Make sure you update your farkies.
 
2013-02-28 10:49:07 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?

Yes, it's bullshiat. The nice guys are actually the ones choking and beating their girlfriends to death. Oh wait, women are repulsed by us "creepy" guys. We're the ones with the problem. Got it.
Let's all have empathy for the violent neck-tattooed muscle-bound idiot. The nice guy who's socially awkward, let's make sure he suffers alone even more.

/Your screen name wasn't just randomly selected, was it.


Unrelated: creepy guys are usually the most innocuous. And nice. And hot.
 
2013-02-28 10:50:17 PM

A Terrible Human: JerkyMeat: Young women LOVE men like this and they get what they deserve.  They reject the "nice" guy.  So, now she knows. Fark her.

Quantum Apostrophe: Don't forget, ladies, he'll change for you. That nice guy at the office is just so boring and nerdy.

BummerDuck: She was actually good looking, and I am sure she could have gotten a better, or at least less violent male companion. However, I'm sure she told all those guys "You are a really nice guy, but you are not my type...".

The fark is wrong with some of you? Out of all threads this is the one you pick to pull out your nice guy bullshiat?


It is unfortunate the nice guys of OKcupid tumbler seems to have disappeared.
 
2013-02-28 10:51:08 PM

ReapTheChaos: So, the photographer just stood there the whole time snapping photos  while both parties act oblivious to her presence then the dude beats the shiat out of his wife while someone snaps pics?

Bullshiat.


Penn Jillette wrote an article about his time on The Apprentice. In the article he referenced a book where the author said that when people are being filmed (or photographed) all the time, at first their inhibitions are on in full force. But after a while, not only do they cease to care about the camera's presence, but they actually act worse than they would have had there been no camera. I've never been in that situation, but if you've seen enough reality shows, you may notice that even people who would otherwise be pretty cautious will often let down their guard rather quickly when they're on camera all the time.
 
2013-02-28 10:51:54 PM

Yogimus: TV's Vinnie: And remember folks. The republicans  are dead-set against the Violence Against Women Act in any way, shape, or form.

Link the act, specifically the portions you support.  I find "acts" that have feelgood names are more often than not complete bullshiat that do little to solve the issues they are named after.  Is beating a woman legal? No? Then why more laws? What is the benefit?


/50% snark, 50% curiosity.  Feel free to tell me to half fark myself.


The minute you ask, "Does it work?", you stop being on the Left.
 
2013-02-28 10:52:02 PM

Wall_of_Doodoo: Off to watch another episode of 'the legue' and cuddle my girlfriend. This weekend we work out then have dinner at bob Evans. I love our lameness.


Have you tried hitting her?
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-02-28 10:52:06 PM

serial_crusher: "found jesus in prison"


Wow. Even he got busted?
DAY-UM!
 
2013-02-28 10:52:23 PM

megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I could be wrong. I could just have encountered these observations because I have made less-than-good decisions in my life rendering them obviously skewed and expected, but it sure doesn't seem that way.

I like the "I'm a guy" kind of guy. If they specify (and insist) that they are nice or talented or super-easy-going or whatever... it's automatic Opposite Day in my head.


My girlfriend (now fiancee) said that she liked me because I was nice.  I told her immediately that, no, I am an asshole, too, just like all guys.

Then I work to prove her right, and me wrong.

But I don't want to be on a pedestal, shouting "oh, look at me, I'm so nice, better than everyone else!"  Because that's bullshiat.
 
2013-02-28 10:52:52 PM
Face and neck tattoos are nature's warning signs.  Ignore them at your peril.
 
2013-02-28 10:52:57 PM

megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.


I think most of them focus on the "nice" thing because they have to work SO HARD to be a decent human towards women, who they clearly actually think are sub-humans or uninteresting or otherwise unworthy of friendship, that all they can think of is the sheer wasted effort that went into treating them like people, only to receive little or no sex in return.

Guys who treat women like actual people by reflex rather than design don't consider themselves to be particularly "nice guys."  Like you said, they're just guys.  Guys who don't actually hate women.

/bet the guy in the article considers himself a nice guy
//would tell you all about the biatches who left him for no reason for some other asshole
 
2013-02-28 10:53:20 PM
Those series of photographs make me cringe so bad. This type of thing makes my childhood, that I previously considered dysfunctional, look like Candyland®.
 
2013-02-28 10:53:38 PM

gja: serial_crusher: "found jesus in prison"

Wow. Even he got busted?
DAY-UM!


I seriously had a running joke about a "pastor of the week" being a respondent in a protective order case. Even had one asshole state that "demons made me do it" and tried to elicit testimony from the victim that demons were real. Utterly bizarre.
 
2013-02-28 10:53:55 PM

gja: serial_crusher: "found jesus in prison"

Wow. Even he got busted?
DAY-UM!


Um... yea? Do you think he volunteered for that whole cross thing?
 
2013-02-28 10:54:45 PM
 ....and now you see what I deal with every day as an advocate in court. More often than not it's the victim who bonds the defendant out of jail and even more often it's the victim who fails to appear in court. "I don't want them to get in trouble." "I still love him/her." "This was blown out of proportion." "Can I drop the charges?" Then every once in a while when you're ready to throw in the towel....victory. So we come to work again. < aren't I nutz? :/
 
2013-02-28 10:54:45 PM
That speaks volumes about the quality of that woman that was attracted to that ex-con... and also about the female photographer who was most probably attracted to him initially... while completely ignoring the father of the kids who is paying child support for that skank to endanger his kids by having that ex con around...
 
2013-02-28 10:55:01 PM

jtown: Face and neck tattoos are nature's warning signs.  Ignore them at your peril.


^BOOM BABY^

Its a farking law of nature.
 
2013-02-28 10:55:28 PM
Wow, lotsa bitter "nice guys" in this thread.  Which makes you laugh because genuinely nice guys don't have trouble finding nice girls.  If all the girls you find are evil, manipulative biatches or ignore you, the problem is you not all the girls you've been after.

This mom is still a kid herself and of course makes stupid ass decisions.  I'm glad she's gotten out. I'm glad she had options to get out and didn't feel trapped.  I worry though that she felt more powerful just by having a photographer there with her. I felt so sorry for the little girl and hope this hasn't been typical of her upbringing.  Hopefully mom can keep her nose clean, but I have no faith in her making up with dad and living happily ever after. Maybe the kids will stay with some of dad, or rather a family member of his given his job (maybe gramma could move in?), or be shuttled back with mom's family at home.  Sadly, mom needs some more time to grow up.
 
2013-02-28 10:55:40 PM

claudiogut: That speaks volumes about the quality of that woman that was attracted to that ex-con... and also about the female photographer who was most probably attracted to him initially... while completely ignoring the father of the kids who is paying child support for that skank to endanger his kids by having that ex con around...


Whup, here's another one! They're drawn to this thread like flies to shiat.
 
2013-02-28 10:55:45 PM
I'm definitely not OK with this. I don't care what you call yourself, photojournalist, when a woman is being beaten in front of you, YOU FARKING DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE HER. You don't keep snapping pictures hoping to document...whatever it was you were trying to document. It's not a secret that women are beaten, yet you let it happen right in front of your eyes, never mind the children who will be royally farked up from these experiences.

Fail on so many levels. But at least you got some great shots and some buzz about your "important" work.

Fark you.
 
2013-02-28 10:55:54 PM

GoSurfing: Those series of photographs make me cringe so bad. This type of thing makes my childhood, that I previously considered dysfunctional, look like Candyland®.


Same here.
 
2013-02-28 10:56:13 PM

moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.


How many men did you help?

No one believed me until I was in the hospital with a bullet in me.

Only had to shoot me once, and I was out of there.

SpdrJay: Dysfunction Junction....what's your function?


I'm still mad DJ went behind a paywall, so let's not rub salt into the wounds.

Egoy3k: The guy is a cock, but I can't help be feel sorry for him as well. He's just too flat out stupid to control his emotions. It's not like he set out to be a terrible human being. Alcohol, lack of an education, unresolved emotional issues and just plain stupidity are a bad mixture.


Valid point, I was raised in a very poor area, and there were only three kinds of men, those that wanted better, those that thought crime was easier, and the apathetic. Oh the dozen kids I ran around with, the five girls are all still alive, a couple are just barely alive, me, and one other guy are still kicking around.
 
2013-02-28 10:56:16 PM

Freudian_slipknot: megarian: Many of the guys that pride themselves as being the "nice guy" are the ones that are undoubtably the most farked up and...well, un-nice.

I think most of them focus on the "nice" thing because they have to work SO HARD to be a decent human towards women, who they clearly actually think are sub-humans or uninteresting or otherwise unworthy of friendship, that all they can think of is the sheer wasted effort that went into treating them like people, only to receive little or no sex in return.

Guys who treat women like actual people by reflex rather than design don't consider themselves to be particularly "nice guys."  Like you said, they're just guys.  Guys who don't actually hate women.

/bet the guy in the article considers himself a nice guy
//would tell you all about the biatches who left him for no reason for some other asshole


Not to defend the supposed "nice guys", but from what I know it's the inverse. They don't work so hard to be decent towards woman because they think women are sub-human. You're approaching it from the opposite angle. The "nice guys" have to work so hard because the women they want are <i>super</i> human, i.e. unobtainable and out of their reach. The "nice guys" come from the point of inferiority, not superiority to the women. Pretty damn simple.
 
2013-02-28 10:56:19 PM

maidenNM: ....and now you see what I deal with every day as an advocate in court. More often than not it's the victim who bonds the defendant out of jail and even more often it's the victim who fails to appear in court. "I don't want them to get in trouble." "I still love him/her." "This was blown out of proportion." "Can I drop the charges?" Then every once in a while when you're ready to throw in the towel....victory. So we come to work again. < aren't I nutz? :/


nah, you're blowing it out of proportion. You still love the job. Besides, you don't want them to get themselves in trouble...
 
2013-02-28 10:56:40 PM

Yogimus: gja: serial_crusher: "found jesus in prison"

Wow. Even he got busted?
DAY-UM!

Um... yea? Do you think he volunteered for that whole cross thing?


Some Gnostics thought so.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gospel_of_Judas
 
2013-02-28 10:57:14 PM
The main problem with the VAWA, apart from the name, is that is has been used as a pre-emptive strike in numerous divorce cases.  Most judges and magistrates will grant a protection order against a man based solely on a woman's testimony that she is afraid for her safety or that of her children.  This includes cases when there has been NO domestic violence. "He yelled at me and he owns a gun" is all it takes. Once the guy is out of the home, good luck for him getting custody/visitation or control of the real estate.  There have been too many BS cases filed under VAWA.  For the cases like the one in the article it is a godsend but it has been tremendously abused and I blame my legal colleagues in large part for that.
 
2013-02-28 10:57:25 PM
19, 2 kids named memphis and kayden, dating some tattoo felon freak. shes trash. She let that dude be around her kids and now they will probably grow up to be trash too. Circle of trash
 
2013-02-28 10:57:29 PM

Aar1012: Jesus Christ. This made makes me sick. This happened, not only in my home state, within arms reach of my alma mater. The damned kids that go to OU will never realize the poverty and social problems that occur around them in that region of the state. They'll get their degree and jump ship without leaving any good mark on the south east.


Yes, domestic violence is the fault of college kids...

/rolls eyes
 
2013-02-28 10:57:38 PM
The look on her face as he towered over her reminded me so much of my ex before he punched my face so hard that he fractured my skull that I winced. I know that look, that posture, that rage. He is shorter than my ex, but that look of hatred, where you can see death in the eyes, was the same. I had to walk away from my computer and compose myself.

When you are living it, you see one side of it: the blind rage, the anger, the destruction. I stood up for myself, fighting back, desperately trying to pack a bag and leave. I was 5'7", he was 6'3" and twice my weight. I wanted to walk out, because I knew that the fight was escalating. He had already mangled my glasses, shattered a lamp, and struck my face... as it turns out the same place he would hit it again later... and I wanted to get the hell out before it got worse. But he cornered me. He jerked my keys out of my hand and shattered my phone. I was trapped.

You can see that look in her face, too. She wants out, but she is trapped, and she knows it. Her case is worse, because there are children in the house.

If I had my gun that night, I know that I would've shot him. Even now, I sometimes feel a pain under my left eye that reminds me of that horrible night, and what I was finally able to escape from. I had to leave everything I ever knew behind: he is getting the lion's share- the house, most of the stuff... most of my things are still in Ohio, to boot. I have no way to pay to get them out here right now, and I don't know when I will be able to.

But my dog and I got out. Stuff is just that... stuff. I managed to get away before I ended up in a ditch. I am glad to know that this woman did, too.

And yea, I am not surprised they were from Ohio.
 
2013-02-28 10:57:38 PM

maidenNM: ....and now you see what I deal with every day as an advocate in court. More often than not it's the victim who bonds the defendant out of jail and even more often it's the victim who fails to appear in court. "I don't want them to get in trouble." "I still love him/her." "This was blown out of proportion." "Can I drop the charges?" Then every once in a while when you're ready to throw in the towel....victory. So we come to work again. < aren't I nutz? :/


You have my utter respect. I've been there, standing right by people like you, when the victims do everything in their power to give the aggressor another shot at them. It is heartbreaking and frustrating beyond belief.

Thank you for doing what you do. I still get to help by doing pro bono cases, but it is never enough.

If you are ever in Houston, I'll buy the first ten rounds....
 
2013-02-28 10:59:13 PM

JerkStore: I'm definitely not OK with this. I don't care what you call yourself, photojournalist, when a woman is being beaten in front of you, YOU FARKING DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE HER. You don't keep snapping pictures hoping to document...whatever it was you were trying to document. It's not a secret that women are beaten, yet you let it happen right in front of your eyes, never mind the children who will be royally farked up from these experiences.

Fail on so many levels. But at least you got some great shots and some buzz about your "important" work.

Fark you.


In other words you wanted to see two women beaten that night.
 
2013-02-28 10:59:16 PM
"Shane moved Maggie and her children to a trailer park in Somerset, Ohio. The location was farther away than Maggie had ever been from her family and friends before, and she said her feelings of isolation only increased over time."

I think that was the dirtbag's motive the whole time.

i45.tinypic.com
 
2013-02-28 11:00:10 PM

Brostorm: These are trash people making horrible decisions. ... Was he a piece of human garbage? Absolutely.


you are a puppet: shes trash. She let that dude be around her kids and now they will probably grow up to be trash too. Circle of trash


Who could believe this is the same guy with TRASH tattoed down his left side (#24)
 
2013-02-28 11:00:26 PM

GoSurfing: The "nice guys" have to work so hard because the women they want are <i>super</i> human, i.e. unobtainable and out of their reach. The "nice guys" come from the point of inferiority, not superiority to the women. Pretty damn simple.


See, I think you're mistaking putting a woman on a pedestal with still assuming she's a person and not just a shiny goal to reach at the end of a journey.

When you actually like women as people and interact with them as such, it becomes extremely clear that they're all different and everyone has flaws.  When you treat them like a gilded barbie doll, you're treating them as a prize, no matter how valuable, and that does diminish the actual humanity of a person.

Whether they think they're superior to the prize is irrelevant, if all a woman ever can be to them is a prize.
 
2013-02-28 11:00:54 PM
Ana, I am glad you are safe now. Never go back. (packing a bag is an excuse to stay... don't ever do that if you find yourself like this. RUN. fark pride. If you want pride, spit on him as the cops drag him off to jail)
 
2013-02-28 11:00:54 PM

JerkStore: I'm definitely not OK with this. I don't care what you call yourself, photojournalist, when a woman is being beaten in front of you, YOU FARKING DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE HER. You don't keep snapping pictures hoping to document...whatever it was you were trying to document. It's not a secret that women are beaten, yet you let it happen right in front of your eyes, never mind the children who will be royally farked up from these experiences.

Fail on so many levels. But at least you got some great shots and some buzz about your "important" work.

Fark you.


That's not her job.  She made sure someone had called the cops.  You think she should have, what, started hitting the guy?

And besides, she's probably helping battered women more this way, by raising awareness.
 
2013-02-28 11:01:06 PM

GoSurfing: The "nice guys" come from the point of inferiority, not superiority to the women. Pretty damn simple.


Ask them some time not whether the women are "unobtainable" or "out of their league," but whether the women are smarter than them, or more capable than them, or whatnot. You'll find pretty quickly that they think they're superior in every aspect but looks, and also that they think that looks are all a woman is good for.
 
2013-02-28 11:01:36 PM

Slam1263: moonscatter: I spent almost two years getting protective orders for victims of domestic violence. I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but it isn't. It reads like a "worst of" the cases I handled. Isolating the victim from her family/support system, attaching at a time of weakness, ensuring that she believes that he can't be better without her, the tattoo (seen variations on this too many times, including a guy who came into court with a t shirt emblazoned with her picture and "i miss you" airbrushed on it).

And violence in front of the kids is the same as doing it TO The kids. The damage is incredible to their young  minds/psyches.

How many men did you help?

No one believed me until I was in the hospital with a bullet in me.

Only had to shoot me once, and I was out of there.

SpdrJay: Dysfunction Junction....what's your function?

I'm still mad DJ went behind a paywall, so let's not rub salt into the wounds.

Egoy3k: The guy is a cock, but I can't help be feel sorry for him as well. He's just too flat out stupid to control his emotions. It's not like he set out to be a terrible human being. Alcohol, lack of an education, unresolved emotional issues and just plain stupidity are a bad mixture.

Valid point, I was raised in a very poor area, and there were only three kinds of men, those that wanted better, those that thought crime was easier, and the apathetic. Oh the dozen kids I ran around with, the five girls are all still alive, a couple are just barely alive, me, and one other guy are still kicking around.


I helped quite a few -- I was really lucky to work with an amazing group of social workers who helped me put together cases. The hardest part with cases where the men were being abused was to get them to come to court. They just would NOT testify.

I think the one that broke my heart the most, and was still so glad I got, was a man who was in his 60's who was being abused by a 20 year old girlfriend. In public, it was like Hugh Heffner, and in private, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

I'm sorry for what you went through. I am so sorry it got that far. We still, as a society, have so incredibly far to go in understanding domestic violence. I hope your life has been better and stronger since - something I have hoped and prayed for for all of  my former clients.
 
2013-02-28 11:01:47 PM

J. Frank Parnell: Jixa: Maybe it's just my "survivor's paranoia", but what disturbed me more was the disproportionate amount of attention he lavished on the little girl.

*checks profile*

Hentai-con really that bad?


Oh, GOD!!! You had to remind me!?  So many tentacles, and pedobear cosplay! The horror! The horror! ;)

(Got no problem with fantasy it's the real world I don't trust.)
 
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