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(Philly Burbs)   We welcome all worshippers at the Church of the Repeated Punch in the Face   (phillyburbs.com) divider line 44
    More: Scary  
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8409 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Feb 2013 at 11:04 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-27 11:06:17 AM  
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"

Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
 
2013-02-27 11:06:36 AM  
First rule of Church Fight Club is, you don't talk about Church Fight Club.
 
2013-02-27 11:07:59 AM  
Are they just weaning themselves off of raping kids?  I can see habitual face punching as a legitimate step toward normalcy.
 
2013-02-27 11:09:11 AM  
Did he turn the other cheek?
 
2013-02-27 11:09:44 AM  
What would Jesus punch?
 
2013-02-27 11:09:54 AM  
He's sick! He's obsce-e-e-ene!
 
2013-02-27 11:11:16 AM  

bighairyguy: What would Jesus punch?


Rufus Lee King: Even Jesus kicked ass when He had to, folks.

[www.wikigallery.org image 619x660]


Got my answer!
 
2013-02-27 11:11:16 AM  
That's an article?

More like a police blotter.
 
2013-02-27 11:17:10 AM  
If you can't swill the sacramental wine, you have to have the punch.
 
2013-02-27 11:17:49 AM  
No more mister nice guy

/should've gone incognito
 
2013-02-27 11:19:05 AM  
I went to church incognito
When everybody rose the Reverend Smithy
He recognized me and punched me in the nose
He said, no more Mister Nice Guy
No more Mister Clean
No more Mister Nice Guy
He said you're sick, you're obscene
 
2013-02-27 11:19:10 AM  
Gawd loves a good sock in the snot box!
 
2013-02-27 11:20:59 AM  
He hit him with a right cross.
 
2013-02-27 11:21:44 AM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: I went to church incognito


Y'know, I've always assumed that Cognito was a town in S. California, probably near San Bernardino.  Sounds like the sort of place Alice Cooper would go to church.
 
2013-02-27 11:22:39 AM  

Dixon Cider: Gawd loves a good sock in the snot box!


His priests would rather have a good tongue punch in the fart box, though.
 
2013-02-27 11:25:53 AM  

uncleacid: He hit him with a right cross.


But which cross is correct?
 
2013-02-27 11:29:08 AM  
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-27 11:31:40 AM  
DOO DOO DEDOO DOO
s3.vidimg.popscreen.com
 
2013-02-27 11:50:42 AM  
I was once punched in the face in a church.

/CSB
 
2013-02-27 11:55:41 AM  
www.rhythmism.com
 
2013-02-27 12:04:58 PM  
Personally I've visited The Temple of the Righteous Dwarf biatch Slap once or twice
 
2013-02-27 12:06:56 PM  
"All" is a terrible representation for one man.
 
2013-02-27 12:22:30 PM  

Amos Quito: I was once punched in the face in a church.

/CSB


in the vestibule?
 
2013-02-27 12:23:11 PM  
pleatedjeans.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-02-27 12:35:52 PM  
Welcome to the Church of Why are You Punching Yourself?

The neighbourhood bully when I was a child became a fundamentalist Pastor when he "grew up".

Somehow, I didn't really find this surprising.

Responsive Prayer

Pastor (parts in italics):   Oh, Lord, why are your sheep punching themselves in the face.

Congregation (parts in normal font): Your premise is faulty. We are not punching ourselves.

Let us stop punching ourselves in the face!

You are making us punch ourselves in the face.

Let us stop punching ourselves in the face.

Please, stop. For the Love of God, please stop!

We are all sinners and guilty of punching ourselves in the face!

It's not us, really, it isn't. You are the one who is doing the punching!

Thank you Lord for not punching us in the face, though, lo! we really deserve it.

Please Lord, let the punching stop!

And now we will take up collection. Be generous and maybe the punching will stop.

Amen, Lord. And once again, we implore you, let the punching stop!

***

And there you have religion in a nutshell, so to speak, or at least ONE KIND of religion. I am aware of many others. The villages where I lived and grew up where basically labs in comparative religion for anybody over the age of seven and smart enough to pay attention.
 
2013-02-27 12:40:04 PM  

Crotchrocket Slim: Personally I've visited The Temple of the Righteous Dwarf biatch Slap once or twice


Slap that Lesbian Bi-otch. She reminds me of Justin Beiber.
 
2013-02-27 12:49:04 PM  
Caption that religious allegory time!

www.wikigallery.org

Jesus: The whippings will continue until morale improves!

Gay Peasant in orange vest (lower right): Well, I never!

Smartass Porter carrying a basket of fruit (upper left):  I told you the Lord  was a Vegan!

Farmer with calf (middle left): It's a good thing that asses are unclean beasts or some ass would get whipped this day!

Suspicious lady to suspicious man behind her (middle right) : Get your hands out of there or I'll grab that whip and give you what for!

Background figure to background figure (upper right): So I says to her, Mabel, I seyz ....
 
2013-02-27 12:50:15 PM  

MBooda: Amos Quito: I was once punched in the face in a church.

/CSB

in the vestibule?


No, by the Nave.
 
2013-02-27 12:50:51 PM  
I am full of the Dickens, today!
 
2013-02-27 12:57:21 PM  

bighairyguy: What would Jesus punch?


Bankers, mostly.
 
2013-02-27 01:06:10 PM  
I am going to punch your face in the face

/stolen from newish asdf
 
2013-02-27 01:20:17 PM  
At the church for a 7:30 meeting? Prime time  Marriage counseling hour.

One of those guys is a cuckold.
 
2013-02-27 01:25:13 PM  

IronOcelot: At the church for a 7:30 meeting? Prime time  Marriage counseling hour.

One of those guys is a cuckold.


Hmm, I had figured it was the weekly meeting of Punch in the Face Anonymous.
 
2013-02-27 01:29:29 PM  

brantgoose: MBooda: Amos Quito: I was once punched in the face in a church.

/CSB

in the vestibule?

No, by the Nave.


Funny.... I got kneed in the Narthex, must be a Catholic thing.
 
2013-02-27 01:30:30 PM  
We put the "accost" in Pentacostalism.
 
2013-02-27 01:54:43 PM  
Religion of peace.
 
2013-02-27 02:21:33 PM  
Holy crap! I went to that church for years growing up. My parents still go there!

/csb
 
2013-02-27 03:13:26 PM  
Better than years of repeated punches in the colon as a boy.
 
2013-02-27 04:52:36 PM  
Wow I work right down the road from this Church. Don't really hear about too much crime/violence in the general area (wealthy white suburbia)
\csb
 
2013-02-27 05:00:04 PM  
punch in the face, and you're to blame
you give church a bad name
 
2013-02-27 05:02:44 PM  
C'mon man!  The guy just was getting Jesus beat into him!

No biggie.  Happens all the time.
 
2013-02-27 06:59:45 PM  
WHERE punch ISpunch YOUR punch GODpunch  NOW?
 
2013-02-27 07:31:35 PM  
Or better yet (paging Ed Gruberman) - the church of Tae Kwon Leap
 
2013-02-27 07:56:32 PM  

Rufus Lee King: Even Jesus kicked ass when He had to, folks.

[www.wikigallery.org image 619x660]


religion of PEACE

/wait, what?
//The Lord never gives us more punches in the face than we can handle?
 
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