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(Liebert Publications Online)   First they came for the cigarettes, and I didn't speak out because I didn't smoke. Then they came for the alcohol, and I didn't speak out because I didn't drink. Then they came for the caffeine and I said I'LL FARKING CUT YOU   (online.liebertpub.com ) divider line
    More: Scary, First they came..., lethal doses, caffeinated beverages, poison control center, cigarettes, increased heart rate, lotions, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome  
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11954 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Feb 2013 at 9:50 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-02-26 09:18:18 PM  
5 votes:
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop doing blow.
2013-02-26 10:29:58 PM  
3 votes:
2013-02-26 10:19:13 PM  
3 votes:
The Journal of Medicine of Latter Day Saints?
2013-02-26 09:52:38 PM  
3 votes:
Bath salts are still okay though?  Right?
2013-02-26 09:11:17 PM  
3 votes:
I'LL FARKING CUT YOU,  BIATCH!

You left that off, subbs.
2013-02-27 12:19:18 AM  
2 votes:
Obligamatory.

farm3.static.flickr.com
2013-02-26 11:31:38 PM  
2 votes:
If my morning coffee gets farking government regulated I swear I will walk through Times Square with a bloody machete and eat every single tourist alive. I will strangle someone if I can't have my 2 cups of coffee. I'm a girl but ill fark Bloombergs mom. I'll do it. He farking touches my coffee, I'll farking do it.
2013-02-26 11:18:02 PM  
2 votes:

dennysgod: I could care less if they ban those caffeine filled energy drinks but I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to ban coffee.


images.susu.org
2013-02-26 09:11:42 PM  
2 votes:
I can only imagine it's like to work at the Journal of Caffeine Research.
2013-02-27 12:46:53 AM  
1 vote:

Fano: Your Average Witty Fark User: I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey one day, 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I do, however stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew when I'm in a region that carries it.

Caffeine free mountain dew? Is that like non-alcoholic beer?


Bah, Mountain Dew is for pussies anyway.

25.media.tumblr.com

/That stuff tastes awful
2013-02-27 12:35:56 AM  
1 vote:

EsteeFlwrPot: If my morning coffee gets farking government regulated I swear I will walk through Times Square with a bloody machete and eat every single tourist alive. I will strangle someone if I can't have my 2 cups of coffee. I'm a girl but ill fark Bloombergs mom. I'll do it. He farking touches my coffee, I'll farking do it.


I'm sure it's a sickness that I am totally enraptured by your fierce dedication, exquisite clarity and unique flavor of unbridled violence against the tyranny and terror of totalitarians who seek to deprive you of the only substance that fuels your will to live.  But, be I sick or not, if you ever start a cult...sign me up cuz you totally rock the casbah.
2013-02-26 11:50:12 PM  
1 vote:
It's the carbon. The carbon is what is making everything wrong. Carbon footprints. Carbon Emissions. The carbon is messing up the atmosphere. The carbon is what makes pure clean water into those poisonous fizzy drinks, by adding it in both sugar and carbonation. It's in smoke.

It's the farking carbon. LISTEN PEOPLE!! IT'S THE CARB...dllldlsfbppwmmbpmwprmbpwrmfpb


We now return you to you regularly scheduled rants.
2013-02-26 11:43:17 PM  
1 vote:

Buffet: I've never understood this fascination with coffee??


It's delicious.

Cuban coffee. I can hear colors.
2013-02-26 11:20:42 PM  
1 vote:

God Is My Co-Pirate: I can only imagine it's like to work at the Journal of Caffeine Research.


I'd suppose the job has its perks.
2013-02-26 11:09:59 PM  
1 vote:

ExpressPork: "How many must there be before we regulate?"

Liberalism at it's finest.



As soon as Republican Christian supremacists stop trying to regulate my farking uterus, then perhaps I can believe their whole farking "small government" bullshiat.
2013-02-26 11:08:40 PM  
1 vote:
Journal of Caffeine Research logo.
r03249.files.wordpress.com
2013-02-26 11:08:18 PM  
1 vote:
Actually, first they came for the alcohol. It didn't go too well.
2013-02-26 10:59:25 PM  
1 vote:
Second-hand caffeine is the worst.

Have you seen what coffee shop waitresses look like after 30-40 years on the job?
2013-02-26 10:54:33 PM  
1 vote:
Yeaaaaaaah. No.

25.media.tumblr.com
It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of java that thoughts acquire speed.
Hands acquire shaking. The shaking becomes a warning.
It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.
2013-02-26 10:44:22 PM  
1 vote:
Well, let's see here. I start my day with a large pot of strong black coffee and a half a pack of Marlboros. Then by lunch I have such a caffeine buzz I am dizzy. So to counter the caffeine, I start in on the grapefruit juice and vodka. By 3:00pm I take an hour nap and I am back up working again. So before sunset, I have covered all of my vices for the day.

Drinking coffee now
2013-02-26 10:38:22 PM  
1 vote:
www.keurig.com

we just bought one of these.  i have two cups in the morning before I head off to work then I will usually drink about three to four cups at work but also drink plenty of water between cups as well due to the diuretic effect.  I also love the occasional bottle of Dr. Pepper.  I don't do the monsters five hours and the like.  I have tried to stop drinking coffee before and yes caffeine is a drug and you do have withdrawals, but a cup of coffee and a cigarette in the morning are pretty damn good if you ask me.  Wife said, "oh it's just the energy drinks they are targeting"  had to explain about the FDA.  She isn't too happy now either since she loves her some donut house coffee in the morning as well.

/how long before we are relegated to buying coffee from some shady individual in a dark alley?
2013-02-26 10:35:55 PM  
1 vote:
I don't use caffeine at all, because every once in a while, I really, really need it.

One time, I had to stay awake for 4 days at a go.  Starting the end of day 1, I was averaging 200mg every hour, for about 3 days.  By day 4, I was simultaneously twitching from all the caffeine, and lurching when I walked from the tiredness, so that I looked like a zombie with Parkinsons.  Had a really nasty headache too.

/Also, never understood the point of coffee.  Both times I've tried it, one sip burned all the tastebuds off my tongue and I couldn't taste anything for 3 days.
2013-02-26 10:35:37 PM  
1 vote:
Despite my CSB above, I still drink enough coffee daily to give a sloth arrhythmia.

Cold. Dead. (Shaking.) Hands.
2013-02-26 10:32:13 PM  
1 vote:

cman: Isnt it considerably easier to die with swallowing pills than dying from a caffeine overdose?


CSB Time:

As a teenager, I did my share of stupid things. One of which was to take about 3/4 a box of caffeine pills at once on a dare. I did not go to the hospital (probably should have), but spent about 8 delirious heart racing hours on the family living room couch covered in my own vomit, too nauseous to move. Parents were out of town and I caught hell for puking on the couch when they got home. Said I caught a stomach bug. Mom bought it, but dad thought I had gotten drunk and hungover. I wish.

Good times.
2013-02-26 10:25:03 PM  
1 vote:

ArcadianRefugee: Of more than 2 million notifications received by the American National Poison Data System (NPDS) in 2011, 6,309 "case mentions" included caffeine. The majority of these involved other compounds, and cause of death attributable to caffeine was recorded in only one of a total of 1,995 poisons fatalities registered for that year.
*facepalm*


As long ad it saves one life right?
2013-02-26 10:18:53 PM  
1 vote:

omgwtfbbq69: I read the article.  Don't.  You'll never get that time back.  Just proves that there are a lot of people with PhD's out there that make up sh*t to worry about.  Go ahead and pound another energy drink, imbibe your two pots of coffee a day.... nothing to see here.



Or...there are people out there with Ph.Ds who still have personal agenda's to push and abuse the authority that a Ph.D should have in a given field to push said personal agenda.

When I was in high school I had a classmate who was a hardcore Mormon.  Being a friend of a member of my small group of friends, she ate lunch with us.  She also voiced her oppinions when any of us used salt, drank cafienated drinks, had a cup of coffee, or smoked in our own privately owned cars.  And when I say "voiced her oppinions" I mean "forced her beliefs upon us to the point where upon salting french fries, she would pick up the container of fries and throw them onto the floor, then explain how she's doing us a favor." (Since she was a female I couldn't deck her.  Thankfully, she was enough of a biatch that other women were more than happy to hit and kick her).  I have no doubt that someone like that with a Ph.D would twist a study filled with cherry picked results to push her own agenda, especially if it could lead to them being able to force their own agenda upon an entire nation.
2013-02-26 10:18:40 PM  
1 vote:
Well actually the came for the weed first, and that's less harmful than caffeine ever was. Myself, the only drugs I do is weed, caffeine, tobacco, and alcohol, so the government better not mess with any of them.
2013-02-26 10:18:25 PM  
1 vote:

ArcadianRefugee: Of more than 2 million notifications received by the American National Poison Data System (NPDS) in 2011, 6,309 "case mentions" included caffeine. The majority of these involved other compounds, and cause of death attributable to caffeine was recorded in only one of a total of 1,995 poisons fatalities registered for that year.
*facepalm*


Slightly more deadly than drop side cribs.
2013-02-26 10:16:43 PM  
1 vote:
s14.postimage.org
2013-02-26 10:14:30 PM  
1 vote:
I think we, as a literate society, are running out of things to rant about.
2013-02-26 10:14:00 PM  
1 vote:
YOu know what's more dangerous than caffeine?  Free radicals.  they're made of oxygen... and it's in the air we breathe already...

Let's ban oxygen before it kills us all.
2013-02-26 10:13:03 PM  
1 vote:
Of more than 2 million notifications received by the American National Poison Data System (NPDS) in 2011, 6,309 "case mentions" included caffeine. The majority of these involved other compounds, and cause of death attributable to caffeine was recorded in only one of a total of 1,995 poisons fatalities registered for that year.
*facepalm*
2013-02-26 10:04:48 PM  
1 vote:
salt is the real enemy.
2013-02-26 10:03:34 PM  
1 vote:
Banning caffeine???  Looks like my sister and former high school Mormon classmate are finally getting their way.
2013-02-26 09:57:58 PM  
1 vote:
At first, I thought it was an Onion piece. To my horror, I was wrong. Remember when we used to laugh when we were told that the tobacco lawsuits would be followed by anti-caffeine crusades?
2013-02-26 09:57:44 PM  
1 vote:
I drink 2 pots of coffee a day.  Shouldn't I be dead?
 
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