If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Liebert Publications Online)   First they came for the cigarettes, and I didn't speak out because I didn't smoke. Then they came for the alcohol, and I didn't speak out because I didn't drink. Then they came for the caffeine and I said I'LL FARKING CUT YOU   (online.liebertpub.com) divider line 169
    More: Scary, First they came..., lethal doses, caffeinated beverages, poison control center, cigarettes, increased heart rate, lotions, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome  
•       •       •

11946 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Feb 2013 at 9:50 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



169 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-02-26 10:44:22 PM  
Well, let's see here. I start my day with a large pot of strong black coffee and a half a pack of Marlboros. Then by lunch I have such a caffeine buzz I am dizzy. So to counter the caffeine, I start in on the grapefruit juice and vodka. By 3:00pm I take an hour nap and I am back up working again. So before sunset, I have covered all of my vices for the day.

Drinking coffee now
 
2013-02-26 10:49:03 PM  
Once a week, I drink a Mocha Frappuccino from Starbucks.  That is my caffeine for the week.  I used to drink upwards of 6 cans of Diet Coke a day, but a little over a year ago, I quit drinking soda entirely.  Now it's water and a Starbucks once a week.  That's it.
 
2013-02-26 10:49:04 PM  

omgwtfbbq69: Go ahead and pound another energy drink, imbibe your two pots of coffee a day.... nothing to see here.


Problem is certain 'energy' drinks are racing to see who can cram more caffeine into a liquid, and you've got people downing 2 or even 3 cans in an hour, who end up with more caffeine in their systems than you could ever possibly get from coffee. They're going to ruin caffeine for us all.
 
2013-02-26 10:50:29 PM  

Pointy Tail of Satan: The Journal of Medicine of Latter Day Saints?


i picked up some heavy Mormon vibes too. almost like the author wanted to warn you of impending damnation for drinking coffee.
 
2013-02-26 10:54:33 PM  
Yeaaaaaaah. No.

25.media.tumblr.com
It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of java that thoughts acquire speed.
Hands acquire shaking. The shaking becomes a warning.
It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.
 
2013-02-26 10:55:10 PM  

andychrist420: I drink 2 pots of coffee a day.  Shouldn't I be dead?


modern Elvis diet. 2 pots of coffee a day, bottle of whiskey at night.
 
2013-02-26 10:55:51 PM  
starlost: salt is the real enemy.


^ THIS ^

And if I find the bastard that's been salting the office coffee I'm gonna'...
 
2013-02-26 10:56:02 PM  
Dihydrogen-monoxide kills thousands each year.

REGULATE!
 
2013-02-26 10:58:53 PM  
this talk of coffee got me wanting a cup.

i try to point out to folks who want to ban energy drinks because someone died:
if you make it illegal for minors to purchase the energy drinks they will find a way just like beer and smokes.
if you regulate it, you are going to have your coffee and soft drinks regulated (not to mention those nice cold glasses of sweet tea in the summer)
and granted, it is sad that someone died after drinking the stuff, but, the cans do say not intended for children.
AND weren't all of these incidents (or a good part of them) linked to an existing condition that ingesting copious amounts of caffeine would only aggravate?
 
2013-02-26 10:59:25 PM  
Second-hand caffeine is the worst.

Have you seen what coffee shop waitresses look like after 30-40 years on the job?
 
2013-02-26 11:06:19 PM  
Wow, I don't even need to drink booze as bad as you alkaloid fiends need your fix.

That being said, there's a bodega 1000 feet from my apartment where I can buy all three products right now. Calm down.
 
2013-02-26 11:07:45 PM  

gravebayne2: Pointy Tail of Satan: The Journal of Medicine of Latter Day Saints?

i picked up some heavy Mormon vibes too. almost like the author wanted to warn you of impending damnation for drinking coffee.


Thomas Monson drinks coke, so no.
 
2013-02-26 11:08:18 PM  
Actually, first they came for the alcohol. It didn't go too well.
 
2013-02-26 11:08:40 PM  
Journal of Caffeine Research logo.
r03249.files.wordpress.com
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-02-26 11:09:59 PM  
I will feed you into a fecking meat-grinder feet first. I shiat you not.
Me without caffeine in the morning is like playing Russian roulette with a farking 12ga. double barrel.
There is simply no way everyone comes out alive.

Pretty much everyone at works knows, "stay clear of the geek until you see at least 1 used coffee cup on his desk, otherwise limbs can be lost"
 
2013-02-26 11:09:59 PM  

ExpressPork: "How many must there be before we regulate?"

Liberalism at it's finest.



As soon as Republican Christian supremacists stop trying to regulate my farking uterus, then perhaps I can believe their whole farking "small government" bullshiat.
 
2013-02-26 11:10:35 PM  
I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think; I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy who likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green Jell-o all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

/oblig
 
2013-02-26 11:10:47 PM  
as a Mormon Ph.D. that starts his morning with 600.0 mg of 1,3,7 trimethylxanthine every day, i'm wondering wtf is wrong with this thread.
 
2013-02-26 11:11:51 PM  

J. Frank Parnell: You can thank crap like "turbo godzilla extreme N-R-G" drinks for this.


I'd buy one once just for the name alone.
 
2013-02-26 11:12:24 PM  

omgwtfbbq69: I read the article.  Don't.  You'll never get that time back.  Just proves that there are a lot of people with PhD's out there that make up sh*t to worry about.  Go ahead and pound another energy drink, imbibe your two pots of coffee a day.... nothing to see here.


Jesse and I will be in the Winnebago, in the meantime.
 
2013-02-26 11:12:54 PM  
www.demotivationalposters.org
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-02-26 11:13:12 PM  

utah dude: as a Mormon Ph.D. that starts his morning with 600.0 mg of 1,3,7 trimethylxanthine every day, i'm wondering wtf is wrong with this thread.


Does that mean you go to a hotty-pokey place with the rest of us sinners?

/i keed i keed
 
2013-02-26 11:14:12 PM  
I could care less if they ban those caffeine filled energy drinks but I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to ban coffee.
 
2013-02-26 11:18:02 PM  

dennysgod: I could care less if they ban those caffeine filled energy drinks but I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to ban coffee.


images.susu.org
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-02-26 11:18:04 PM  

dennysgod: I could care less if they ban those caffeine filled energy drinks but I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to ban coffee.


encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2013-02-26 11:19:17 PM  

Benjamin Orr: As long ad it saves one life right?


There are  About 611,000 results for coffee prevents cancer  Enjoy

SpdrJay: Dihydrogen-monoxide kills thousands each year. REGULATE!



That shiat is bad, man. It's even in the AIR WE BREATHE!
 
2013-02-26 11:19:54 PM  
Fine, they want to take the caffeine out of my coffee, motherfarkers can start paying the $50 a pop for my farking albuterol rescue-inhalers then.

(Seriously, caffeine and coffee are HELPFUL to us asthmatics--because coffee has theophylline which is a natural bronchodilator, and caffeine is ALSO a natural bronchodilator.  So is chocolate, for that matter, which contains theobromine which is a close chemical cousin to theophylline.  And yes, I HAVE on occasion nipped a Potential Asthma Flare Day in the bud with a nice strong bit of "trucker coffee" instead of breaking out the (rather considerably more expensive to the point I like to save that for BAD flares and exercise pre-treatment) albuterol rescue inhaler...to good effect, meaning I didn't HAVE to break out the rescue inhaler.)
 
2013-02-26 11:20:42 PM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: I can only imagine it's like to work at the Journal of Caffeine Research.


I'd suppose the job has its perks.
 
2013-02-26 11:23:51 PM  

OooShiny: ExpressPork: "How many must there be before we regulate?"

Liberalism at it's finest.


As soon as Republican Christian supremacists stop trying to regulate my farking uterus, then perhaps I can believe their whole farking "small government" bullshiat.


i.imgur.com
 
2013-02-26 11:25:38 PM  
I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey one day, 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I do, however stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew when I'm in a region that carries it.
 
2013-02-26 11:29:49 PM  

cyberspacedout: I'd suppose the job has its perks.


must beat the regular grind
 
2013-02-26 11:31:38 PM  
If my morning coffee gets farking government regulated I swear I will walk through Times Square with a bloody machete and eat every single tourist alive. I will strangle someone if I can't have my 2 cups of coffee. I'm a girl but ill fark Bloombergs mom. I'll do it. He farking touches my coffee, I'll farking do it.
 
2013-02-26 11:33:33 PM  

WeenerGord: Benjamin Orr: As long ad it saves one life right?

There are  About 611,000 results for coffee prevents cancer  Enjoy

SpdrJay: Dihydrogen-monoxide kills thousands each year. REGULATE!


That shiat is bad, man. It's even in the AIR WE BREATHE!


You coffee nuts are all the same. As long as you get your penis replacements you don't care who dies.
 
2013-02-26 11:34:12 PM  
Too Long.  Did Not Read.

Does the article state how many people die each year because of caffeine poisoning?
 
2013-02-26 11:35:34 PM  
Also, I am not talking about cases where caffeine was present.  I am talking about cases that can be directly attributed to caffeine.
 
2013-02-26 11:37:28 PM  
This may be from Iceland, but you know damn well there's some lobbyist right here in the USA with a truckload of "data" about how caffeine kills, causes terrible illnesses, and funds radical right-wing militias, terrorists, and/or drug cartels.
 
2013-02-26 11:37:53 PM  
Stupid article mentions some girl with some disease who died from an energy drink, and tells the gory details. So, 1 out of 315,000,000?
 
2013-02-26 11:38:44 PM  
I've never understood this fascination with coffee??
 
2013-02-26 11:40:25 PM  

libranoelrose: OooShiny: ExpressPork: "How many must there be before we regulate?"

Liberalism at it's finest.


As soon as Republican Christian supremacists stop trying to regulate my farking uterus, then perhaps I can believe their whole farking "small government" bullshiat.


And this and this and this.
 
2013-02-26 11:41:03 PM  
No caffeine for two years. Medical reasons.  And I still miss it.
 
2013-02-26 11:41:14 PM  

Buffet: I've never understood this fascination with coffee??


People like the taste and it gives you energy? What's not to get?
 
2013-02-26 11:43:17 PM  

Buffet: I've never understood this fascination with coffee??


It's delicious.

Cuban coffee. I can hear colors.
 
2013-02-26 11:43:50 PM  
Bbbbut I'm doing this  for your own good!
i224.photobucket.com

 
2013-02-26 11:47:32 PM  
Just out of curiosity. Are they any regular coffee drinking Farkers here that have never smoked a cigarette.

I had a theory in HS and early college that anybody that drinks coffee at some point smoked cigarettes because at the time I had never met anybody who drank coffee that at some point didn't smoked cigs in some point in their life.
 
2013-02-26 11:48:36 PM  

Buffet: I've never understood this fascination with coffee??


Short version:

If you need to stay awake, you drink it.
Then you get addicted, so you need more of it to stay awake
Then you get really addicted, and without it you can't function

It also tastes like dreck, so you try to find one that doesn't taste like dreck, and much of the fascination involves this process.
 
2013-02-26 11:48:44 PM  

dennysgod: Just out of curiosity. Are they any regular coffee drinking Farkers here that have never smoked a cigarette.

I had a theory in HS and early college that anybody that drinks coffee at some point smoked cigarettes because at the time I had never met anybody who drank coffee that at some point didn't smoked cigs in some point in their life.


I've never smoked a cigarette in my life.  But I'm totally addicted to coffee.
 
2013-02-26 11:50:12 PM  
It's the carbon. The carbon is what is making everything wrong. Carbon footprints. Carbon Emissions. The carbon is messing up the atmosphere. The carbon is what makes pure clean water into those poisonous fizzy drinks, by adding it in both sugar and carbonation. It's in smoke.

It's the farking carbon. LISTEN PEOPLE!! IT'S THE CARB...dllldlsfbppwmmbpmwprmbpwrmfpb


We now return you to you regularly scheduled rants.
 
2013-02-26 11:51:10 PM  

Buffet: I've never understood this fascination with coffee??


Some types of coffee taste absolutely incredible.
 
2013-02-26 11:52:34 PM  

dennysgod: Just out of curiosity. Are they any regular coffee drinking Farkers here that have never smoked a cigarette.

I had a theory in HS and early college that anybody that drinks coffee at some point smoked cigarettes because at the time I had never met anybody who drank coffee that at some point didn't smoked cigs in some point in their life.


I would point you to Henry Rollins, as he hates smokers and drinkers, but waxes poetically about coffee and it's many forms on a regular basis.
 
2013-02-26 11:56:22 PM  
Coffee is lame. $4 for a cup of bean soup.
 
Displayed 50 of 169 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report