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(Liebert Publications Online)   First they came for the cigarettes, and I didn't speak out because I didn't smoke. Then they came for the alcohol, and I didn't speak out because I didn't drink. Then they came for the caffeine and I said I'LL FARKING CUT YOU   (online.liebertpub.com) divider line 169
    More: Scary, First they came..., lethal doses, caffeinated beverages, poison control center, cigarettes, increased heart rate, lotions, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome  
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11936 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Feb 2013 at 9:50 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-26 08:33:39 PM
Isnt it considerably easier to die with swallowing pills than dying from a caffeine overdose?
 
2013-02-26 08:34:16 PM

cman: Isnt it considerably easier to die with swallowing pills rather than dying from a caffeine overdose?



Oh FFS

I really need to use the preview button

Fixt
 
2013-02-26 09:11:17 PM
I'LL FARKING CUT YOU,  BIATCH!

You left that off, subbs.
 
2013-02-26 09:11:42 PM
I can only imagine it's like to work at the Journal of Caffeine Research.
 
2013-02-26 09:18:18 PM
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop doing blow.
 
2013-02-26 09:52:38 PM
Bath salts are still okay though?  Right?
 
2013-02-26 09:52:50 PM
DRTFA, but loving the headline.
 
2013-02-26 09:55:34 PM
I drink coffee.  A lot.  Everyday.  I can't imagine living without it.

Caffeine supplements are bad.
 
2013-02-26 09:57:38 PM
I've tried giving up caffeine.  I made it 3 weeks once.  Constant headaches and no energy at all.

/I farking need it
 
2013-02-26 09:57:44 PM
I drink 2 pots of coffee a day.  Shouldn't I be dead?
 
2013-02-26 09:57:58 PM
At first, I thought it was an Onion piece. To my horror, I was wrong. Remember when we used to laugh when we were told that the tobacco lawsuits would be followed by anti-caffeine crusades?
 
2013-02-26 09:58:04 PM
This reminds me very much of the 'gum disease causes heart disease' BS that was floated around for a while.

Guess what. Oxygen is poisonous is large enough amounts. Drinking too much water too quickly will kill you.

I don't care if they want to study it, that's fine, but the breathiness and drama in that article are absurd.
 
2013-02-26 09:59:16 PM
Bloomberg is reading this...  And smiling....


// They came for the large sodas, and I did nothing....
 
2013-02-26 09:59:58 PM

cman: cman: Isnt it considerably easier to die with swallowing pills rather than dying from a caffeine overdose?


Oh FFS

I really need to use the preview button

Fixt


Looks like you could use some caffeine.
 
2013-02-26 10:02:45 PM
One poorly designed study in an obscure journal is obscure and poorly designed. Coffee need fear not.
 
2013-02-26 10:03:34 PM
Banning caffeine???  Looks like my sister and former high school Mormon classmate are finally getting their way.
 
2013-02-26 10:04:25 PM
I read the article.  Don't.  You'll never get that time back.  Just proves that there are a lot of people with PhD's out there that make up sh*t to worry about.  Go ahead and pound another energy drink, imbibe your two pots of coffee a day.... nothing to see here.
 
2013-02-26 10:04:48 PM
salt is the real enemy.
 
2013-02-26 10:05:15 PM

Cheesus: I've tried giving up caffeine.  I made it 3 weeks once.  Constant headaches and no energy at all.

/I farking need it


I'm currently trying to ween myself off of it slowly.  I was already back down to a 2 cup/day habit, but I now fill about 20% of the cup with water or decaf (oh, I already said water) first.  It's rough, but so far no headaches.  Will keep slowly backing away over time, and see if I can get off of it entirely at some point.
 
2013-02-26 10:07:56 PM
You can thank crap like "turbo godzilla extreme N-R-G" drinks for this.
 
2013-02-26 10:10:02 PM

Cheesus: I've tried giving up caffeine.  I made it 3 weeks once.  Constant headaches and no energy at all.

/I farking need it


That's a way worse physiological reaction than I had when I quit smoking. Of course, I was unsuccessful.
 
2013-02-26 10:12:14 PM
"How many must there be before we regulate?"

Liberalism at it's finest.
 
2013-02-26 10:13:03 PM
Of more than 2 million notifications received by the American National Poison Data System (NPDS) in 2011, 6,309 "case mentions" included caffeine. The majority of these involved other compounds, and cause of death attributable to caffeine was recorded in only one of a total of 1,995 poisons fatalities registered for that year.
*facepalm*
 
2013-02-26 10:14:00 PM
YOu know what's more dangerous than caffeine?  Free radicals.  they're made of oxygen... and it's in the air we breathe already...

Let's ban oxygen before it kills us all.
 
2013-02-26 10:14:30 PM
I think we, as a literate society, are running out of things to rant about.
 
2013-02-26 10:16:43 PM
s14.postimage.org
 
2013-02-26 10:17:16 PM

andychrist420: pots


I drink a little over a liter a day.  French press a big pot in the morning, put it in carafe, have great coffee till it's gone sometime around 1400
 
2013-02-26 10:18:24 PM
If you'll notice, it's from Iceland. Who have already banned porn and are considering banning internet porn. So banning or regulating caffeine for being too useful wouldn't be a huge surprise.
 
2013-02-26 10:18:25 PM

ArcadianRefugee: Of more than 2 million notifications received by the American National Poison Data System (NPDS) in 2011, 6,309 "case mentions" included caffeine. The majority of these involved other compounds, and cause of death attributable to caffeine was recorded in only one of a total of 1,995 poisons fatalities registered for that year.
*facepalm*


Slightly more deadly than drop side cribs.
 
2013-02-26 10:18:40 PM
Well actually the came for the weed first, and that's less harmful than caffeine ever was. Myself, the only drugs I do is weed, caffeine, tobacco, and alcohol, so the government better not mess with any of them.
 
2013-02-26 10:18:53 PM

omgwtfbbq69: I read the article.  Don't.  You'll never get that time back.  Just proves that there are a lot of people with PhD's out there that make up sh*t to worry about.  Go ahead and pound another energy drink, imbibe your two pots of coffee a day.... nothing to see here.



Or...there are people out there with Ph.Ds who still have personal agenda's to push and abuse the authority that a Ph.D should have in a given field to push said personal agenda.

When I was in high school I had a classmate who was a hardcore Mormon.  Being a friend of a member of my small group of friends, she ate lunch with us.  She also voiced her oppinions when any of us used salt, drank cafienated drinks, had a cup of coffee, or smoked in our own privately owned cars.  And when I say "voiced her oppinions" I mean "forced her beliefs upon us to the point where upon salting french fries, she would pick up the container of fries and throw them onto the floor, then explain how she's doing us a favor." (Since she was a female I couldn't deck her.  Thankfully, she was enough of a biatch that other women were more than happy to hit and kick her).  I have no doubt that someone like that with a Ph.D would twist a study filled with cherry picked results to push her own agenda, especially if it could lead to them being able to force their own agenda upon an entire nation.
 
2013-02-26 10:18:54 PM

ArcadianRefugee: Of more than 2 million notifications received by the American National Poison Data System (NPDS) in 2011, 6,309 "case mentions" included caffeine. The majority of these involved other compounds, and cause of death attributable to caffeine was recorded in only one of a total of 1,995 poisons fatalities registered for that year.
*facepalm*


So, the answer to the question proposed in the paper "Death By Caffeine: How Many Caffeine-Related Fatalities and Near-Misses Must There Be Before We Regulate?" is; a lot more than there are now.
 
2013-02-26 10:19:01 PM
saeco-kavegepek.com

No you don't!
 
2013-02-26 10:19:13 PM
The Journal of Medicine of Latter Day Saints?
 
2013-02-26 10:19:30 PM
I will likely never quit coffee, so you can pry it from my cold dead hands.
 
2013-02-26 10:19:51 PM
Don't worry, Bloomberg is working on it.
 
2013-02-26 10:20:20 PM

omgwtfbbq69: I read the article.  Don't.  You'll never get that time back.  Just proves that there are a lot of people with PhD's out there that make up sh*t to worry about.  Go ahead and pound another energy drink, imbibe your two pots of coffee a day.... nothing to see here.


I read the article, and have a Ph.D. (not in caffeine studies, though), so I'm getting a kick.

This sounds to me like a study that tried to identify the safe limits of a chemical beyond which bad things happen.

The article is pretty poorly written, but at least it does toss in embarrassing cop-outs like "Notwithstanding the obvious need for further research" and "Although the anecdotal nature of some of the evidence and the general paucity of systematic data preclude firm conclusions"... and they seem to be saying some people are taking megadoses of caffeine pills to commit suicide. Similar to controlling the sale of pseudephedrine, they note that reducing the quantity of caffeine pills that one can purchase at a pop seems to be an effective approach for reducing suicides.

/all that said, my Ph.D. is in Computer Science, so there's that
 
2013-02-26 10:20:47 PM

Cheesus: I've tried giving up caffeine.  I made it 3 weeks once.  Constant headaches and no energy at all.

/I farking need it


I successfully quit almost a year ago. The withrawal symptoms were intense. Now that I'm off it I use caffeine just for working out and it has a very strong effect. When I was addicted I just felt normal after taking caffeine. Now I feel high when I take it.
 
2013-02-26 10:24:23 PM
So, this isn't about coffee, but the massive amounts of caffiene in diet pills, isn't it?

//Oh, cookies beeped.
 
2013-02-26 10:25:03 PM

ArcadianRefugee: Of more than 2 million notifications received by the American National Poison Data System (NPDS) in 2011, 6,309 "case mentions" included caffeine. The majority of these involved other compounds, and cause of death attributable to caffeine was recorded in only one of a total of 1,995 poisons fatalities registered for that year.
*facepalm*


As long ad it saves one life right?
 
2013-02-26 10:26:50 PM
I'd quit heroin before I quit caffeine.
 
2013-02-26 10:28:17 PM

Benjamin Orr: ArcadianRefugee: Of more than 2 million notifications received by the American National Poison Data System (NPDS) in 2011, 6,309 "case mentions" included caffeine. The majority of these involved other compounds, and cause of death attributable to caffeine was recorded in only one of a total of 1,995 poisons fatalities registered for that year.
*facepalm*

As long ad it saves one life right?


Meh... as.... Please don't take away my caffeine
 
2013-02-26 10:29:58 PM
 
2013-02-26 10:32:13 PM

cman: Isnt it considerably easier to die with swallowing pills than dying from a caffeine overdose?


CSB Time:

As a teenager, I did my share of stupid things. One of which was to take about 3/4 a box of caffeine pills at once on a dare. I did not go to the hospital (probably should have), but spent about 8 delirious heart racing hours on the family living room couch covered in my own vomit, too nauseous to move. Parents were out of town and I caught hell for puking on the couch when they got home. Said I caught a stomach bug. Mom bought it, but dad thought I had gotten drunk and hungover. I wish.

Good times.
 
2013-02-26 10:33:03 PM
As someone who is getting a kick out of these replies, it would be hard to OD on caffeine. Like, really really hard. You'd have to be eating pure powdered caffeine by the spoonful to get anywhere near the levels required to do permanent damage to yourself. And it's not as if people take caffeine to get high, where there's a biochemical reward for ingesting more.
 
2013-02-26 10:35:37 PM
Despite my CSB above, I still drink enough coffee daily to give a sloth arrhythmia.

Cold. Dead. (Shaking.) Hands.
 
2013-02-26 10:35:55 PM
I don't use caffeine at all, because every once in a while, I really, really need it.

One time, I had to stay awake for 4 days at a go.  Starting the end of day 1, I was averaging 200mg every hour, for about 3 days.  By day 4, I was simultaneously twitching from all the caffeine, and lurching when I walked from the tiredness, so that I looked like a zombie with Parkinsons.  Had a really nasty headache too.

/Also, never understood the point of coffee.  Both times I've tried it, one sip burned all the tastebuds off my tongue and I couldn't taste anything for 3 days.
 
2013-02-26 10:38:22 PM
www.keurig.com

we just bought one of these.  i have two cups in the morning before I head off to work then I will usually drink about three to four cups at work but also drink plenty of water between cups as well due to the diuretic effect.  I also love the occasional bottle of Dr. Pepper.  I don't do the monsters five hours and the like.  I have tried to stop drinking coffee before and yes caffeine is a drug and you do have withdrawals, but a cup of coffee and a cigarette in the morning are pretty damn good if you ask me.  Wife said, "oh it's just the energy drinks they are targeting"  had to explain about the FDA.  She isn't too happy now either since she loves her some donut house coffee in the morning as well.

/how long before we are relegated to buying coffee from some shady individual in a dark alley?
 
2013-02-26 10:39:20 PM

tortilla burger: As someone who is getting a kick out of these replies, it would be hard to OD on caffeine. Like, really really hard. You'd have to be eating pure powdered caffeine by the spoonful to get anywhere near the levels required to do permanent damage to yourself. And it's not as if people take caffeine to get high, where there's a biochemical reward for ingesting more.


Gonna have to direct you here:  http://jcp.sagepub.com/content/7/3/131.extract
 
2013-02-26 10:41:53 PM

kasmel: This reminds me very much of the 'gum disease causes heart disease' BS that was floated around for a while.

Guess what. Oxygen is poisonous is large enough amounts. Drinking too much water too quickly will kill you.

I don't care if they want to study it, that's fine, but the breathiness and drama in that article are absurd.


And gravity...too much of that shiat will wreck you.
 
2013-02-26 10:44:22 PM
Well, let's see here. I start my day with a large pot of strong black coffee and a half a pack of Marlboros. Then by lunch I have such a caffeine buzz I am dizzy. So to counter the caffeine, I start in on the grapefruit juice and vodka. By 3:00pm I take an hour nap and I am back up working again. So before sunset, I have covered all of my vices for the day.

Drinking coffee now
 
2013-02-26 10:49:03 PM
Once a week, I drink a Mocha Frappuccino from Starbucks.  That is my caffeine for the week.  I used to drink upwards of 6 cans of Diet Coke a day, but a little over a year ago, I quit drinking soda entirely.  Now it's water and a Starbucks once a week.  That's it.
 
2013-02-26 10:49:04 PM

omgwtfbbq69: Go ahead and pound another energy drink, imbibe your two pots of coffee a day.... nothing to see here.


Problem is certain 'energy' drinks are racing to see who can cram more caffeine into a liquid, and you've got people downing 2 or even 3 cans in an hour, who end up with more caffeine in their systems than you could ever possibly get from coffee. They're going to ruin caffeine for us all.
 
2013-02-26 10:50:29 PM

Pointy Tail of Satan: The Journal of Medicine of Latter Day Saints?


i picked up some heavy Mormon vibes too. almost like the author wanted to warn you of impending damnation for drinking coffee.
 
2013-02-26 10:54:33 PM
Yeaaaaaaah. No.

25.media.tumblr.com
It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of java that thoughts acquire speed.
Hands acquire shaking. The shaking becomes a warning.
It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.
 
2013-02-26 10:55:10 PM

andychrist420: I drink 2 pots of coffee a day.  Shouldn't I be dead?


modern Elvis diet. 2 pots of coffee a day, bottle of whiskey at night.
 
2013-02-26 10:55:51 PM
starlost: salt is the real enemy.


^ THIS ^

And if I find the bastard that's been salting the office coffee I'm gonna'...
 
2013-02-26 10:56:02 PM
Dihydrogen-monoxide kills thousands each year.

REGULATE!
 
2013-02-26 10:58:53 PM
this talk of coffee got me wanting a cup.

i try to point out to folks who want to ban energy drinks because someone died:
if you make it illegal for minors to purchase the energy drinks they will find a way just like beer and smokes.
if you regulate it, you are going to have your coffee and soft drinks regulated (not to mention those nice cold glasses of sweet tea in the summer)
and granted, it is sad that someone died after drinking the stuff, but, the cans do say not intended for children.
AND weren't all of these incidents (or a good part of them) linked to an existing condition that ingesting copious amounts of caffeine would only aggravate?
 
2013-02-26 10:59:25 PM
Second-hand caffeine is the worst.

Have you seen what coffee shop waitresses look like after 30-40 years on the job?
 
2013-02-26 11:06:19 PM
Wow, I don't even need to drink booze as bad as you alkaloid fiends need your fix.

That being said, there's a bodega 1000 feet from my apartment where I can buy all three products right now. Calm down.
 
2013-02-26 11:07:45 PM

gravebayne2: Pointy Tail of Satan: The Journal of Medicine of Latter Day Saints?

i picked up some heavy Mormon vibes too. almost like the author wanted to warn you of impending damnation for drinking coffee.


Thomas Monson drinks coke, so no.
 
2013-02-26 11:08:18 PM
Actually, first they came for the alcohol. It didn't go too well.
 
2013-02-26 11:08:40 PM
Journal of Caffeine Research logo.
r03249.files.wordpress.com
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-02-26 11:09:59 PM
I will feed you into a fecking meat-grinder feet first. I shiat you not.
Me without caffeine in the morning is like playing Russian roulette with a farking 12ga. double barrel.
There is simply no way everyone comes out alive.

Pretty much everyone at works knows, "stay clear of the geek until you see at least 1 used coffee cup on his desk, otherwise limbs can be lost"
 
2013-02-26 11:09:59 PM

ExpressPork: "How many must there be before we regulate?"

Liberalism at it's finest.



As soon as Republican Christian supremacists stop trying to regulate my farking uterus, then perhaps I can believe their whole farking "small government" bullshiat.
 
2013-02-26 11:10:35 PM
I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think; I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy who likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green Jell-o all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

/oblig
 
2013-02-26 11:10:47 PM
as a Mormon Ph.D. that starts his morning with 600.0 mg of 1,3,7 trimethylxanthine every day, i'm wondering wtf is wrong with this thread.
 
2013-02-26 11:11:51 PM

J. Frank Parnell: You can thank crap like "turbo godzilla extreme N-R-G" drinks for this.


I'd buy one once just for the name alone.
 
2013-02-26 11:12:24 PM

omgwtfbbq69: I read the article.  Don't.  You'll never get that time back.  Just proves that there are a lot of people with PhD's out there that make up sh*t to worry about.  Go ahead and pound another energy drink, imbibe your two pots of coffee a day.... nothing to see here.


Jesse and I will be in the Winnebago, in the meantime.
 
2013-02-26 11:12:54 PM
www.demotivationalposters.org
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-02-26 11:13:12 PM

utah dude: as a Mormon Ph.D. that starts his morning with 600.0 mg of 1,3,7 trimethylxanthine every day, i'm wondering wtf is wrong with this thread.


Does that mean you go to a hotty-pokey place with the rest of us sinners?

/i keed i keed
 
2013-02-26 11:14:12 PM
I could care less if they ban those caffeine filled energy drinks but I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to ban coffee.
 
2013-02-26 11:18:02 PM

dennysgod: I could care less if they ban those caffeine filled energy drinks but I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to ban coffee.


images.susu.org
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-02-26 11:18:04 PM

dennysgod: I could care less if they ban those caffeine filled energy drinks but I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to ban coffee.


encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2013-02-26 11:19:17 PM

Benjamin Orr: As long ad it saves one life right?


There are  About 611,000 results for coffee prevents cancer  Enjoy

SpdrJay: Dihydrogen-monoxide kills thousands each year. REGULATE!



That shiat is bad, man. It's even in the AIR WE BREATHE!
 
2013-02-26 11:19:54 PM
Fine, they want to take the caffeine out of my coffee, motherfarkers can start paying the $50 a pop for my farking albuterol rescue-inhalers then.

(Seriously, caffeine and coffee are HELPFUL to us asthmatics--because coffee has theophylline which is a natural bronchodilator, and caffeine is ALSO a natural bronchodilator.  So is chocolate, for that matter, which contains theobromine which is a close chemical cousin to theophylline.  And yes, I HAVE on occasion nipped a Potential Asthma Flare Day in the bud with a nice strong bit of "trucker coffee" instead of breaking out the (rather considerably more expensive to the point I like to save that for BAD flares and exercise pre-treatment) albuterol rescue inhaler...to good effect, meaning I didn't HAVE to break out the rescue inhaler.)
 
2013-02-26 11:20:42 PM

God Is My Co-Pirate: I can only imagine it's like to work at the Journal of Caffeine Research.


I'd suppose the job has its perks.
 
2013-02-26 11:23:51 PM

OooShiny: ExpressPork: "How many must there be before we regulate?"

Liberalism at it's finest.


As soon as Republican Christian supremacists stop trying to regulate my farking uterus, then perhaps I can believe their whole farking "small government" bullshiat.


i.imgur.com
 
2013-02-26 11:25:38 PM
I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey one day, 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I do, however stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew when I'm in a region that carries it.
 
2013-02-26 11:29:49 PM

cyberspacedout: I'd suppose the job has its perks.


must beat the regular grind
 
2013-02-26 11:31:38 PM
If my morning coffee gets farking government regulated I swear I will walk through Times Square with a bloody machete and eat every single tourist alive. I will strangle someone if I can't have my 2 cups of coffee. I'm a girl but ill fark Bloombergs mom. I'll do it. He farking touches my coffee, I'll farking do it.
 
2013-02-26 11:33:33 PM

WeenerGord: Benjamin Orr: As long ad it saves one life right?

There are  About 611,000 results for coffee prevents cancer  Enjoy

SpdrJay: Dihydrogen-monoxide kills thousands each year. REGULATE!


That shiat is bad, man. It's even in the AIR WE BREATHE!


You coffee nuts are all the same. As long as you get your penis replacements you don't care who dies.
 
2013-02-26 11:34:12 PM
Too Long.  Did Not Read.

Does the article state how many people die each year because of caffeine poisoning?
 
2013-02-26 11:35:34 PM
Also, I am not talking about cases where caffeine was present.  I am talking about cases that can be directly attributed to caffeine.
 
2013-02-26 11:37:28 PM
This may be from Iceland, but you know damn well there's some lobbyist right here in the USA with a truckload of "data" about how caffeine kills, causes terrible illnesses, and funds radical right-wing militias, terrorists, and/or drug cartels.
 
2013-02-26 11:37:53 PM
Stupid article mentions some girl with some disease who died from an energy drink, and tells the gory details. So, 1 out of 315,000,000?
 
2013-02-26 11:38:44 PM
I've never understood this fascination with coffee??
 
2013-02-26 11:40:25 PM

libranoelrose: OooShiny: ExpressPork: "How many must there be before we regulate?"

Liberalism at it's finest.


As soon as Republican Christian supremacists stop trying to regulate my farking uterus, then perhaps I can believe their whole farking "small government" bullshiat.


And this and this and this.
 
2013-02-26 11:41:03 PM
No caffeine for two years. Medical reasons.  And I still miss it.
 
2013-02-26 11:41:14 PM

Buffet: I've never understood this fascination with coffee??


People like the taste and it gives you energy? What's not to get?
 
2013-02-26 11:43:17 PM

Buffet: I've never understood this fascination with coffee??


It's delicious.

Cuban coffee. I can hear colors.
 
2013-02-26 11:43:50 PM
Bbbbut I'm doing this  for your own good!
i224.photobucket.com

 
2013-02-26 11:47:32 PM
Just out of curiosity. Are they any regular coffee drinking Farkers here that have never smoked a cigarette.

I had a theory in HS and early college that anybody that drinks coffee at some point smoked cigarettes because at the time I had never met anybody who drank coffee that at some point didn't smoked cigs in some point in their life.
 
2013-02-26 11:48:36 PM

Buffet: I've never understood this fascination with coffee??


Short version:

If you need to stay awake, you drink it.
Then you get addicted, so you need more of it to stay awake
Then you get really addicted, and without it you can't function

It also tastes like dreck, so you try to find one that doesn't taste like dreck, and much of the fascination involves this process.
 
2013-02-26 11:48:44 PM

dennysgod: Just out of curiosity. Are they any regular coffee drinking Farkers here that have never smoked a cigarette.

I had a theory in HS and early college that anybody that drinks coffee at some point smoked cigarettes because at the time I had never met anybody who drank coffee that at some point didn't smoked cigs in some point in their life.


I've never smoked a cigarette in my life.  But I'm totally addicted to coffee.
 
2013-02-26 11:50:12 PM
It's the carbon. The carbon is what is making everything wrong. Carbon footprints. Carbon Emissions. The carbon is messing up the atmosphere. The carbon is what makes pure clean water into those poisonous fizzy drinks, by adding it in both sugar and carbonation. It's in smoke.

It's the farking carbon. LISTEN PEOPLE!! IT'S THE CARB...dllldlsfbppwmmbpmwprmbpwrmfpb


We now return you to you regularly scheduled rants.
 
2013-02-26 11:51:10 PM

Buffet: I've never understood this fascination with coffee??


Some types of coffee taste absolutely incredible.
 
2013-02-26 11:52:34 PM

dennysgod: Just out of curiosity. Are they any regular coffee drinking Farkers here that have never smoked a cigarette.

I had a theory in HS and early college that anybody that drinks coffee at some point smoked cigarettes because at the time I had never met anybody who drank coffee that at some point didn't smoked cigs in some point in their life.


I would point you to Henry Rollins, as he hates smokers and drinkers, but waxes poetically about coffee and it's many forms on a regular basis.
 
2013-02-26 11:56:22 PM
Coffee is lame. $4 for a cup of bean soup.
 
2013-02-27 12:02:40 AM

reillan: dennysgod: Just out of curiosity. Are they any regular coffee drinking Farkers here that have never smoked a cigarette.

I had a theory in HS and early college that anybody that drinks coffee at some point smoked cigarettes because at the time I had never met anybody who drank coffee that at some point didn't smoked cigs in some point in their life.

I've never smoked a cigarette in my life.  But I'm totally addicted to coffee.


Yep.  Me too also.
 
2013-02-27 12:05:51 AM

ExpressPork: "How many must there be before we regulate?"

Liberalism at it's finest.


So are you alleging that ANY regulation of substances marketed as consumable is bad, or just caffeine?
Because I'm left of left, and I think this caffeine thing is completely retarded.
 
2013-02-27 12:06:06 AM

GilRuiz1: Bbbbut I'm doing this  for your own good!
[i224.photobucket.com image 480x600]


since 1919? That wasn't even the first prohibition... of alcohol... in America.
 
2013-02-27 12:06:49 AM

Cheesus: I've tried giving up caffeine.  I made it 3 weeks once.  Constant headaches and no energy at all.

/I farking need it


I used to be a rabid coffee drinker, but gave it up.  Had my first cup of coffee in about 8 years today, and I felt like I was going batshiat insane with anxiety.

I'll have to do a caffeine comparison because I can drink an occasional Mt. Dew just fine.  Which is weird.
 
2013-02-27 12:08:39 AM

J. Frank Parnell: You can thank crap like "turbo godzilla extreme N-R-G" drinks for this.


Yup. Those things contain all kinds of weird chemicals. I don't really think caffeine is the issue.


reillan: dennysgod: Just out of curiosity. Are they any regular coffee drinking Farkers here that have never smoked a cigarette.

I had a theory in HS and early college that anybody that drinks coffee at some point smoked cigarettes because at the time I had never met anybody who drank coffee that at some point didn't smoked cigs in some point in their life.

I've never smoked a cigarette in my life.  But I'm totally addicted to coffee.


I'm a pack-a-day (or so) smoker and I almost never drink coffee. Soda only.
 
2013-02-27 12:10:31 AM

Great Janitor: omgwtfbbq69: I read the article.  Don't.  You'll never get that time back.  Just proves that there are a lot of people with PhD's out there that make up sh*t to worry about.  Go ahead and pound another energy drink, imbibe your two pots of coffee a day.... nothing to see here.


Or...there are people out there with Ph.Ds who still have personal agenda's to push and abuse the authority that a Ph.D should have in a given field to push said personal agenda.

When I was in high school I had a classmate who was a hardcore Mormon.  Being a friend of a member of my small group of friends, she ate lunch with us.  She also voiced her oppinions when any of us used salt, drank cafienated drinks, had a cup of coffee, or smoked in our own privately owned cars.  And when I say "voiced her oppinions" I mean "forced her beliefs upon us to the point where upon salting french fries, she would pick up the container of fries and throw them onto the floor, then explain how she's doing us a favor." (Since she was a female I couldn't deck her.  Thankfully, she was enough of a biatch that other women were more than happy to hit and kick her).  I have no doubt that someone like that with a Ph.D would twist a study filled with cherry picked results to push her own agenda, especially if it could lead to them being able to force their own agenda upon an entire nation.


I've known people like that, but never one who went nuts over  salt for fark's sake.

A while back, after a lot of hemming and hawing, I took up pipe smoking.  I could make all sorts of arguments about how I only do it occasionally or that it isn't as bad as cigarettes, but the simple fact is I know it isn't great for me but I enjoy doing it.  I find it relaxing.  Perhaps in fifty years I'll feel differently, but right now I'm ok with the fact that it is probably unhealthy.
 
2013-02-27 12:13:31 AM

Triumph: Coffee is lame. $4 for a cup of bean soup tea.


That's really more like it.
And if you're paying $4 a cup or regular coffee, you're a moron.  The only people who pay that much aren't drinking coffee, they're drinking triple soy whipped caramel gingerbread macchiatos that have less coffee in them than flavored syrup.
 
2013-02-27 12:17:27 AM
ecmoRandomNumbers : I imagine that if you can afford to live in San Francisco, you can afford five bucks a month for stupid stuff like this.

lol

define "this".
 
2013-02-27 12:18:17 AM

dennysgod: Just out of curiosity. Are they any regular coffee drinking Farkers here that have never smoked a cigarette.

I had a theory in HS and early college that anybody that drinks coffee at some point smoked cigarettes because at the time I had never met anybody who drank coffee that at some point didn't smoked cigs in some point in their life.


Me. I'll smoke when I want to commit suicide.
// violently allergic to formaldehyde
// as in anaphylaxis.
 
2013-02-27 12:18:27 AM

Great Porn Dragon: Fine, they want to take the caffeine out of my coffee, motherfarkers can start paying the $50 a pop for my farking albuterol rescue-inhalers then.

Seriously, caffeine is HELPFUL to us asthmatics--


caffeine is a natural bronchodilator.

As a lifelong asthmatic, I can testify to caffeine being a natural bronchodilator, though for fark's sake I didn't learn about it, and quite by accident, until last year.  My first 30 years of asthma could only be treated with an injection from the emergency room followed by the nastiest of nuclear-green liquids taken at home, as this was before inhaled medicine, theophylline and albuterol were available.  Later, when modern bronchodilators and prednisone came along they really were miracle drugs, but I lost health insurance, so instead used over-the-counter Primatene mist and tablets.  When Primatene mist was pulled from the market last year, I was desperate and still with no health insurance.  Then happened to catch a movie where an asthmatic child was kidnapped, and she told her captor that caffeine in coffee would help her breathe better until she got her real medicine.  I tried it, and by golly it really did work.

Caffeine, if used early-on before an asthma attack becomes severe, can sometimes fend off the need for emergency nebulization and prescription meds.  However, asthmatics and COPD patients must always remember that caffeine is not strong enough to qualify as a genuine rescue med once lungs are in lock-down, that caffeine should never be relied on exclusively for severe attacks and that, at best, caffeine might buy a little time until access to serious medication and treatment is obtained.
 
2013-02-27 12:19:05 AM

Gawdzila: That's really more like it.
And if you're paying $4 a cup or regular coffee, you're a moron.  The only people who pay that much aren't drinking coffee, they're drinking triple soy whipped caramel gingerbread macchiatos that have less coffee in them than flavored syrup.


Word, coffee should be under $2, I know it is at Peets and Phils (F Starbucks).
 
2013-02-27 12:19:18 AM
Obligamatory.

farm3.static.flickr.com
 
2013-02-27 12:20:19 AM
I'm in the wrong thread

// needs more caffeine

// didn't acquire the taste for coffee (I guess I'm sensitive to bitterness so coffee always tasted like crap to me).

// tea doesn't have much caffeine

// mountain dew has too many calories (for the quantities I drank it in)

// solution ... cut out the middle man and go straight to caffeine pills

www.europadatafeed.com

BAM

200mg per pill, 100 pills per bottle, ~$5
 
2013-02-27 12:26:08 AM

Silly_Sot: At first, I thought it was an Onion piece. To my horror, I was wrong. Remember when we used to laugh when we were told that the tobacco lawsuits would be followed by anti-caffeine crusades?


Thanks to both the internet and lawyers, the slippery slope fallacy is no longer a fallacy..

Everything not necessary for life is FORBIDDEN.
 
2013-02-27 12:28:31 AM

lordargent: didn't acquire the taste for coffee (I guess I'm sensitive to bitterness so coffee always tasted like crap to me)


I'm the same way.
That's why I drink my coffee with loads of cream and sugar, which pisses off coffee purists I'm sure, but it tastes delicious and there's nothing else like it.

/Took a very long time to start liking beer, too
//Still hate the hops, only drink maltier German and Belgian-style brews
 
2013-02-27 12:33:27 AM

J. Frank Parnell: omgwtfbbq69: Go ahead and pound another energy drink, imbibe your two pots of coffee a day.... nothing to see here.

Problem is certain 'energy' drinks are racing to see who can cram more caffeine into a liquid, and you've got people downing 2 or even 3 cans in an hour, who end up with more caffeine in their systems than you could ever possibly get from coffee. They're going to ruin caffeine for us all.


Perhaps the FDA can step in to set a max on how much caffeine/unit you can put into a product. Although I can see the side effect of that being every energy drink maker producing "highest legal amount of caffeine/unit you can have!" So that will result in the ceiling being made too low.

:( This is why we can't have nice things.
 
2013-02-27 12:33:52 AM
Gawdzila : /Took a very long time to start liking beer, too

Ironically, when it comes to beer, I stick to Guinness (which is bitter, but a clean bitter).

Otherwise, if I'm drinking, throw out the beer and bring me the hard liquor.

// don't understand how people can drink tea without sugar
 
2013-02-27 12:35:56 AM

EsteeFlwrPot: If my morning coffee gets farking government regulated I swear I will walk through Times Square with a bloody machete and eat every single tourist alive. I will strangle someone if I can't have my 2 cups of coffee. I'm a girl but ill fark Bloombergs mom. I'll do it. He farking touches my coffee, I'll farking do it.


I'm sure it's a sickness that I am totally enraptured by your fierce dedication, exquisite clarity and unique flavor of unbridled violence against the tyranny and terror of totalitarians who seek to deprive you of the only substance that fuels your will to live.  But, be I sick or not, if you ever start a cult...sign me up cuz you totally rock the casbah.
 
2013-02-27 12:36:08 AM

Your Average Witty Fark User: I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey one day, 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I do, however stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew when I'm in a region that carries it.


Caffeine free mountain dew? Is that like non-alcoholic beer?
 
2013-02-27 12:39:02 AM

lordargent: I'm in the wrong thread

// needs more caffeine

// didn't acquire the taste for coffee (I guess I'm sensitive to bitterness so coffee always tasted like crap to me).

// tea doesn't have much caffeine

// mountain dew has too many calories (for the quantities I drank it in)

// solution ... cut out the middle man and go straight to caffeine pills

[www.europadatafeed.com image 500x500]

BAM

200mg per pill, 100 pills per bottle, ~$5


Have a nice cup of tea
 
2013-02-27 12:39:11 AM

OooShiny: EsteeFlwrPot: If my morning coffee gets farking government regulated I swear I will walk through Times Square with a bloody machete and eat every single tourist alive. I will strangle someone if I can't have my 2 cups of coffee. I'm a girl but ill fark Bloombergs mom. I'll do it. He farking touches my coffee, I'll farking do it.

I'm sure it's a sickness that I am totally enraptured by your fierce dedication, exquisite clarity and unique flavor of unbridled violence against the tyranny and terror of totalitarians who seek to deprive you of the only substance that fuels your will to live.  But, be I sick or not, if you ever start a cult...sign me up cuz you totally rock the casbah.


I'm in. Can I bring the strap-ons?
 
2013-02-27 12:40:54 AM

Fano: Your Average Witty Fark User: I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey one day, 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I do, however stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew when I'm in a region that carries it.

Caffeine free mountain dew? Is that like non-alcoholic beer?


I drink the diet Mt. Dew.

Caffeine is my friend, but I had quit coffee before I moved to Eugene, Oregon.  I swear there is a coffee shop every few blocks.
 
2013-02-27 12:44:58 AM

TheJoe03: Word, coffee should be under $2, I know it is at Peets and Phils (F Starbucks).


Is Starbucks over $2 now?  I haven't been to one in over a year, but it was the only game on campus and I think I paid a buck 80 (and 50 cents for a refill).  If I had another option I'd have taken it, if only because Starbucks coffee sucks and tastes like they burnt the beans into charcoal cinders, but it didn't seem TOO outrageously priced at least.


lordargent: Ironically, when it comes to beer, I stick to Guinness (which is bitter, but a clean bitter).

Otherwise, if I'm drinking, throw out the beer and bring me the hard liquor.


I definitely liked cocktails before I liked beer, and I still often prefer them.  And yeah, Guiness has a little of that beer bitterness, but as beer goes it is really very UN-bitter.  It's actually a really light and clean stout, and stouts are usually characterized by more roasted, malty flavors as opposed to the more bitter styles like pale ales or IPAs.
 
2013-02-27 12:46:11 AM

Dr._Love: Obligamatory.

[farm3.static.flickr.com image 670x1000]



ZOMG first I was, like, all loving the "let's rock this casserole" and making a note to steal that meme, then I was all totally, like, awww lookatdat sad adenosine...*sniff*...*sigh* and then I was all, like, "OMG adenosine sammich?  OMG I totally LOVE that!"

Translated into non-Teenglish, the caffeine graphic was super spiffy; ain't never seen it before.
 
2013-02-27 12:46:53 AM

Fano: Your Average Witty Fark User: I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey one day, 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I do, however stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew when I'm in a region that carries it.

Caffeine free mountain dew? Is that like non-alcoholic beer?


Bah, Mountain Dew is for pussies anyway.

25.media.tumblr.com

/That stuff tastes awful
 
2013-02-27 12:54:22 AM

Gawdzila: Fano: Your Average Witty Fark User: I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey one day, 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I do, however stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew when I'm in a region that carries it.

Caffeine free mountain dew? Is that like non-alcoholic beer?

Bah, Mountain Dew is for pussies anyway.

[25.media.tumblr.com image 333x500]

/That stuff tastes awful


*Sheds tear pours can on the ground
 
2013-02-27 12:57:12 AM

Saberus Terras: YOu know what's more dangerous than caffeine?  Free radicals.  they're made of oxygen... and it's in the air we breathe already...

Let's ban oxygen before it kills us all.



My preacher tells me every Sunday to fear the "radicals" cuz they have an agenda of eeeeeeevil.  But he never said anything about free radicals versus communist radicals, so now I'm even more scared cuz I don't know who to fear first, who to fear most and which one will make me gay.  I should study it out and pray it out, right?
 
2013-02-27 01:00:56 AM
EdNortonsTwin: We, as a literate society...

Citation, please.
 
2013-02-27 01:06:35 AM

Fano: Silly_Sot: At first, I thought it was an Onion piece. To my horror, I was wrong. Remember when we used to laugh when we were told that the tobacco lawsuits would be followed by anti-caffeine crusades?

Thanks to both the internet and lawyers, the slippery slope fallacy is no longer a fallacy..

Everything not necessary for life patentable and PROFITABLE for MegaCorps is FORBIDDEN.



Fixated
 
2013-02-27 01:14:58 AM
Over my dead body!

When I had our store, we had these chocolate covered coffee beans that you would eat like candy.  I was our best customer.  Talk about a caffiene high!

Also had a farmer neighbor come plow my garden up one day.  I asked him if he wanted a cup of coffee.  He said, "I don't drink coffee, I chew it."  He then pulled out a skoal can full of coffee grounds and filled his bottom lip with it.
 
2013-02-27 01:21:21 AM

jimmyjackfunk: cyberspacedout: I'd suppose the job has its perks.

must beat the regular grind


I wonder if their website guy uses Java.
 
2013-02-27 01:24:28 AM
Lists of things for liberals to go after:

Candles: can burn your house down if left unattended
Clothes Dryers: can burn your house down if left unattended
Vaginas: can lead to pregancy
Penises: can lead to pregnancy
Water: can die of water intoxication and or can drown
Air: cause it's there
Belts: cause you might hang yourself
Cigarettes: cause we know they are bad, but they taste so good
Caffeine: cause it is good for you
Alcohol: cause one drink is one drink too many
Wooden Furniture since it might catch of fire
Bed sheets since they might catch of fire and beds lead to sex
Condoms since someone is probably allergic to latex
Toliet paper since you might burn your house down and it might be flamable. but not the shiat paper they sell in Texas cause it don't take shiat from no one
 
2013-02-27 01:27:35 AM

meat0918: Fano: Your Average Witty Fark User: I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey one day, 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I do, however stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew when I'm in a region that carries it.

Caffeine free mountain dew? Is that like non-alcoholic beer?

I drink the diet Mt. Dew.

Caffeine is my friend, but I had quit coffee before I moved to Eugene, Oregon.  I swear there is a coffee shop every few blocks.


Full City is like crack. Their Chocolate Lattes are seriously the best thing ever. In house made ganache and in house roasted beans.

I don't indulge very often...but it's definitely worth trying.
 
2013-02-27 01:32:30 AM

cyberspacedout: God Is My Co-Pirate: I can only imagine what it's like to work at the Journal of Caffeine Research.

I'd suppose the job has its perks.



Magnificent.
 
2013-02-27 01:32:45 AM

Fano: Caffeine free mountain dew? Is that like non-alcoholic beer?


Contrary to popular belief, some of us enjoy the taste but aren't in it for the caffeine.

/not a Mormon, either
 
2013-02-27 01:37:11 AM
RubberBabyBuggyBumpers:

I read the article, and have a Ph.D. (not in caffeine studies, though), so I'm getting a kick.

Saw what you did there...
 
2013-02-27 01:50:21 AM

Great Porn Dragon: Fine, they want to take the caffeine out of my coffee, motherfarkers can start paying the $50 a pop for my farking albuterol rescue-inhalers then.

(Seriously, caffeine and coffee are HELPFUL to us asthmatics--because coffee has theophylline which is a natural bronchodilator, and caffeine is ALSO a natural bronchodilator.  So is chocolate, for that matter, which contains theobromine which is a close chemical cousin to theophylline.  And yes, I HAVE on occasion nipped a Potential Asthma Flare Day in the bud with a nice strong bit of "trucker coffee" instead of breaking out the (rather considerably more expensive to the point I like to save that for BAD flares and exercise pre-treatment) albuterol rescue inhaler...to good effect, meaning I didn't HAVE to break out the rescue inhaler.)


I've noticed that caffiene really helps open up my sinuses. Nature's little vasoconstrictor. Black coffee works best, with the additional steaming mug action.
 
2013-02-27 01:58:39 AM

Great Janitor: When I was in high school I had a classmate who was a hardcore Mormon...voiced her oppinions when any of us used salt, drank caffienated drinks, had a cup of coffee, or smoked in our own privately owned cars.  .



It hurts my head when trying to reconcile (A) the mental gymnastics required to believe the fantasmagorically absurd claims of Joseph Smith...while (B) being simultaneously 100% banned from ALL even slightly reality-altering chemicals.

Sweet baby Jesus in a manger, how do they accomplish (A) withOUT (B)?!  How can the human brain possibly absorb such staggeringly astronomical bullshiat withOUT chemical enhancement?!1?  Tell me, dammit!

/humble sorries for hysterics; a wee bit wound up on Penguin caffeinated mints.  But at least my rantings are minty-fresh.
 
2013-02-27 01:59:46 AM

NeoBad: Lists of things for liberals to go after:


Don't confuse liberals with progressives and democratic socialists, please.
 
2013-02-27 02:02:42 AM

Your Average Witty Fark User: I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey one day, 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I do, however stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew when I'm in a region that carries it.


Which begs the question...for the love of god WHY???

Why doth thou suffereth that rancid liquid, if not for the purpose of ingesting jet fuel?
 
2013-02-27 02:21:18 AM

NeoBad: Lists of things for liberals to go after:

Candles: can burn your house down if left unattended
Clothes Dryers: can burn your house down if left unattended
Vaginas: can lead to pregancy
Penises: can lead to pregnancy
Water: can die of water intoxication and or can drown
Air: cause it's there
Belts: cause you might hang yourself
Cigarettes: cause we know they are bad, but they taste so good
Caffeine: cause it is good for you
Alcohol: cause one drink is one drink too many
Wooden Furniture since it might catch of fire
Bed sheets since they might catch of fire and beds lead to sex
Condoms since someone is probably allergic to latex
Toliet paper since you might burn your house down and it might be flamable. but not the shiat paper they sell in Texas cause it don't take shiat from no one



LIST OF THINGS CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIANS OBSESSIVELY DISCUSS AND REGULATE:
Sex
Sex, butt
Sex, everyone else's
Sex, female voluntary
Sex, shutting that whole thing down
Sex, legitimately forcibly forced without legitimate consent
 
2013-02-27 02:23:10 AM
 
2013-02-27 02:24:21 AM

OooShiny: Great Janitor: When I was in high school I had a classmate who was a hardcore Mormon...voiced her oppinions when any of us used salt, drank caffienated drinks, had a cup of coffee, or smoked in our own privately owned cars.  .


It hurts my head when trying to reconcile (A) the mental gymnastics required to believe the fantasmagorically absurd claims of Joseph Smith...while (B) being simultaneously 100% banned from ALL even slightly reality-altering chemicals.

Sweet baby Jesus in a manger, how do they accomplish (A) withOUT (B)?!  How can the human brain possibly absorb such staggeringly astronomical bullshiat withOUT chemical enhancement?!1?  Tell me, dammit!

/humble sorries for hysterics; a wee bit wound up on Penguin caffeinated mints.  But at least my rantings are minty-fresh.


Now, with her I labeled her as a hardcore Mormon because I've known many Mormons, but she was the only one who passed out copies of the Book of Mormon to classmates.  Her name was Susie, and took zero enjoyment from life.  Never showed cleavage, never did anything that could even remotely be a bad thing, never dated anyone in high school, and got onto us who kissed, dated and more.  Not only did she take zero enjoyment from life, but felt that we should do the very same.

Her sister, on the other hand, was the complete opposite.  She dated, showed cleavage, flashed a few of us on occasion, enjoyed cigarettes, coffee, tea, Pepsi, seasoning on her food, so on and so forth.  Basically, a normal person who's life didn't revolve around letting a church or religion or religious leader tell her how to live her life.

The only thing I could take from those two sisters is that the older one, Susie, got conditioned very quickly from a very early age and the conditioning stuck. I guess if you believe in a god that will punish you for all eternity for sins committed in a life that probably won't last 100 years, then it stands to reason that enjoying anything in life might send your ass to Hell.  I figured little sister did what she did to rebel.
 
2013-02-27 02:56:20 AM

OooShiny: Saberus Terras: YOu know what's more dangerous than caffeine?  Free radicals.  they're made of oxygen... and it's in the air we breathe already...

Let's ban oxygen before it kills us all.


My preacher tells me every Sunday to fear the "radicals" cuz they have an agenda of eeeeeeevil.  But he never said anything about free radicals versus communist radicals, so now I'm even more scared cuz I don't know who to fear first, who to fear most and which one will make me gay.  I should study it out and pray it out, right?


Communist radicals will make you gay, free radicals will make you into gay necrophillic bestiality.  Be careful when praying, if they are around they'll steal your prayers before they get to heaven and spin them into anal floss for the DEBIL.
 
2013-02-27 04:00:57 AM

Great Janitor: OooShiny: Great Janitor: When I was in high school I had a classmate who was a hardcore Mormon...voiced her oppinions when any of us used salt, drank caffienated drinks, had a cup of coffee, or smoked in our own privately owned cars.  .


It hurts my head when trying to reconcile (A) the mental gymnastics required to believe the fantasmagorically absurd claims of Joseph Smith...while (B) being simultaneously 100% banned from ALL even slightly reality-altering chemicals.

Sweet baby Jesus in a manger, how do they accomplish (A) withOUT (B)?!  How can the human brain possibly absorb such staggeringly astronomical bullshiat withOUT chemical enhancement?!1?  Tell me, dammit!

/humble sorries for hysterics; a wee bit wound up on Penguin caffeinated mints.  But at least my rantings are minty-fresh.

Now, with her I labeled her as a hardcore Mormon because I've known many Mormons, but she was the only one who passed out copies of the Book of Mormon to classmates.  Her name was Susie, and took zero enjoyment from life.  Never showed cleavage, never did anything that could even remotely be a bad thing, never dated anyone in high school, and got onto us who kissed, dated and more.  Not only did she take zero enjoyment from life, but felt that we should do the very same.

Her sister, on the other hand, was the complete opposite.  She dated, showed cleavage, flashed a few of us on occasion, enjoyed cigarettes, coffee, tea, Pepsi, seasoning on her food, so on and so forth.  Basically, a normal person who's life didn't revolve around letting a church or religion or religious leader tell her how to live her life.

The only thing I could take from those two sisters is that the older one, Susie, got conditioned very quickly from a very early age and the conditioning stuck. I guess if you believe in a god that will punish you for all eternity for sins committed in a life that probably won't last 100 years, then it stands to reason that enjoying anything in life might send your ass to ...



Would very much like to know how both of these girls did transitioning from sheltered high school to only slightly less-sheltered Mormon female adulthood regarding religion, life, love and career.  Have studied non-fundamentalist Mormonism quite a bit as a layperson of no faith, as it's such a recently-invented religion that its claims are easily and utterly disproved.  Mormons are trained early, often and for life to label as "anti-mormon bigotry" the fact that not a single scrap of archaeological evidence has ever been found to verify even one of Joseph's claims. Joseph the miraculous prophet rewrote the bible to correct it, just like Muhammad did in 600 A.D., and the Book of Mormon claims to be the most perfect book ever in existence, just like Muslims claim of the Quran.

Joseph said Native Americans are actually ancient Jews, proved untrue by DNA testing showing zero semite heritage.  He said two Jerusalum tribes migrated to America, were fruitful into the millions, built massive sparkling cities and fought ferocious battles in what was later to become the United States or in a tiny portion of southern Mexico pinpointed as a possible spot matching Book of Mormon events.  Not so much as a single coin, shard of pottery, cave scrawl or papyrus scribble has ever been found in the areas of Joseph's claims.  Joseph said Jesus came to America and that the Garden of Eden was in Missouri.  MISSOURI, for fark's sake.  All of these myths are defended as truth by teenagers and adults alike, as the Book of Mormon is used as a factual historical record and ready-made history textbook taught to children and adults throughout life. Joseph is revered as prophet, though his early occupation was charging people to dig for lost treasure in upstate New York.  He "interpreted" the Book of Mormon by placing two magic rocks inside a hat, then plunging his head into the hat's darkness and reading aloud the words as scribes documented what Joseph "read."

There are several ex-mormon sites and forums where the most kind, loving, gracious and generous survivors gather to discuss the scars of Mormonism and help each other cope with being utterly rejected by still-Mormon friends, parents and even children.  It's no different than Jehovah's Witnesses and other cults in that respect; dare to say or think the wrong thing and you risk losing every person you ever held dear, plus loss of entire social network, job and home.  The most palpable heartbreak of Mormonism is when a believer dares to look where they've been lifelong warned, banned and frightened into not looking; i.e. following any light shed on Mormonism that is not pre-sanitized, to discover none of the stories, quotes, battles, bravery, martyrdom, rules, regulations and "divine revelations" indoctrinated since childhood as truth were, in reality, the imaginings of a conman.
 
2013-02-27 04:43:43 AM

lordargent: Gawdzila : /Took a very long time to start liking beer, too

Ironically, when it comes to beer, I stick to Guinness (which is bitter, but a clean bitter).

Otherwise, if I'm drinking, throw out the beer and bring me the hard liquor.

// don't understand how people can drink tea without sugar


I'm sensitive to bitter tastes, but good white tea is mild and a good way to take caffeine. No sugar needed, there's a natural mildness there.

I drink equivalent of 4-6 tea bags of this white tea a day. 400 teabags give me lots of happy for $23. And antioxidants, apparently more in white tea than green.

Yea, tea bags are bad, but it's at work where bags are convenient, and the above linked tea is good enough to overlook the bag.
 
2013-02-27 04:46:58 AM

mbillips: One poorly designed study in an obscure journal is obscure and poorly designed. Coffee need fear not.


They published it in a "medical journal" that's more than likely funded by the authors, because they can't get it into one of the actual medical journals.

/IOW, call me when this is published in JAMA.
 
2013-02-27 04:53:28 AM
www.ampenergy.com
Because Cocaine is too expensive.
 
2013-02-27 06:09:19 AM
Coffee dampens migraines. Yeah, I'm with subby.
 
2013-02-27 08:09:25 AM

NeoBad: Candles: can burn your house down if left unattended
Clothes Dryers: can burn your house down if left unattended
Toliet paper since you might burn your house down and it might be flamable. but not the shiat paper they sell in Texas cause it don't take shiat from no one


images3.wikia.nocookie.net

Don't forget the lemons!
 
2013-02-27 08:43:06 AM
"•the possible introduction of taxation policies and other financial measures of the kind believed to have been effective in curtailing consumption of cigarettes and alcohol;31,32"


Makes sense now.
 
2013-02-27 08:45:01 AM
There is a real warning out there about caffeine. However, the chance is really small that someone would die/OD on caffeine.

Did I mention my grandmother's caretaker's kid that almost died from caffeine? Him and his three friends decided it was a good idea to mix like three or four different energy drinks and mix them together before drinking it all. They were all hospitalized and one nearly died. But that is just a dumb person not realizing how stupid this is to do.

Just use this website as a guide and you should be OK, generally speaking. This website probably assumes that you are in good health and you are not sensitive to caffeine.  http://www.energyfiend.com/death-by-caffeine
 
2013-02-27 08:47:02 AM

meat0918: Fano: Your Average Witty Fark User: I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey one day, 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I do, however stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew when I'm in a region that carries it.

Caffeine free mountain dew? Is that like non-alcoholic beer?

I drink the diet Mt. Dew.

Caffeine is my friend, but I had quit coffee before I moved to Eugene, Oregon.  I swear there is a coffee shop every few blocks.


So we aren't acquainted, but I'd like to ask you how you like Eugene. My husband stands a 60% chance of being relocated and both Eugene and Corvallis are options.

To stay on-topic, I'm a complete caffiene addict. When my office got an espresso machine, I ended up with acute caffiene toxicity. My doc thought I either had a stroke or perhaps MS until we went through my history. I couldn't feel my hands, feet or face, and one whole side of my body would go numb.

These days, I drink about 6 cups of strong, black coffee and one Diet Coke a day. Withdrawl would probably be excruciating.
 
2013-02-27 08:50:18 AM
ytterbium: Withdraw would probably be excruciating.

I get one day's grace and then tiny gnomes start mining my eyeballs from the backside. This sensation continues until I ingest caffeine.
 
2013-02-27 09:45:11 AM

GilRuiz1: Bbbbut I'm doing this  for your own good!
[i224.photobucket.com image 480x600]


Actually, those Temperance coonts were doing it because they refused to take personal responsibility for marrying losers.
 
2013-02-27 09:48:06 AM
WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!!!
im41.com
 
2013-02-27 10:40:01 AM

Amusement: [s14.postimage.org image 400x121]


Remember the original Dune movie?  Years after it came out, some poster in the a.s.r newsgroup used this as his .signature block:

"By caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.  By the beans of java do thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning.  By caffeine alone I set my mind in motion."

My sister bought me a fridge magnet saying MY COFFEE IS WEAK AND NOW YOU DIE.  I still chuckle every time I see it... usually over the brim of my coffee mug.

/that's right, kids, "newsgroup"
//scary devil monastery for life
 
2013-02-27 10:42:15 AM

The Irresponsible Captain: Yeaaaaaaah. No.

[25.media.tumblr.com image 240x240]
It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of java that thoughts acquire speed.
Hands acquire shaking. The shaking becomes a warning.
It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.


oh goddammit, I should have read the thread first!

Glad to see somebody else from that long ago.  :-)
 
2013-02-27 11:03:02 AM
They're going to take our guns so that we cant fight back when they take our coffee!!
 
2013-02-27 12:19:14 PM

ytterbium: meat0918: Fano: Your Average Witty Fark User: I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey one day, 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I do, however stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew when I'm in a region that carries it.

Caffeine free mountain dew? Is that like non-alcoholic beer?

I drink the diet Mt. Dew.

Caffeine is my friend, but I had quit coffee before I moved to Eugene, Oregon.  I swear there is a coffee shop every few blocks.

So we aren't acquainted, but I'd like to ask you how you like Eugene. My husband stands a 60% chance of being relocated and both Eugene and Corvallis are options.

To stay on-topic, I'm a complete caffiene addict. When my office got an espresso machine, I ended up with acute caffiene toxicity. My doc thought I either had a stroke or perhaps MS until we went through my history. I couldn't feel my hands, feet or face, and one whole side of my body would go numb.

These days, I drink about 6 cups of strong, black coffee and one Diet Coke a day. Withdrawl would probably be excruciating.


I'd pick Eugene over Corvallis any day.  Every place has their problems, and Eugene is no different.  But while Corvallis still tries to be a farm/lumber town, Eugene is a bit more cosmopolitan (tries too hard to be at times actually). There is plenty of coffee and beer to make up for it.  Portland is at least nearby.

The winter rains can get you down though, and the dry summer takes its toll, and that'll be true of Eugene or Corvallis, but the short drive to ocean, mountains, or high desert is pretty sweet.

As I said though, lots of coffee and beer.
 
2013-02-27 03:09:43 PM

Benjamin Orr: WeenerGord: Benjamin Orr: As long ad it saves one life right?

There are  About 611,000 results for coffee prevents cancer  Enjoy

SpdrJay: Dihydrogen-monoxide kills thousands each year. REGULATE!


That shiat is bad, man. It's even in the AIR WE BREATHE!

You coffee nuts are all the same. As long as you get your penis replacements you don't care who dies.



Yeah right. Like you wouldn't kill for new penis.

There isn't a man or woman in this thread who has not killed for new penis many times, and would do so again, so don't get on your high horse with me, you faux penis nouveau eschewer.
 
2013-02-27 03:52:52 PM

OooShiny: cyberspacedout: God Is My Co-Pirate: I can only imagine what it's like to work at the Journal of Caffeine Research.

I'd suppose the job has its perks.


Magnificent.


Thanks. The thread hadn't seen enough coffee jokes yet.
 
2013-02-27 04:54:07 PM

MrHappyRotter: Bath salts are still okay though?  Right?


They had better be!  I just don't know how to start my day without my morning bath salts routine...
 
2013-02-27 07:12:13 PM

meat0918: ytterbium: meat0918: Fano: Your Average Witty Fark User: I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey one day, 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I do, however stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew when I'm in a region that carries it.

Caffeine free mountain dew? Is that like non-alcoholic beer?

I drink the diet Mt. Dew.

Caffeine is my friend, but I had quit coffee before I moved to Eugene, Oregon.  I swear there is a coffee shop every few blocks.

So we aren't acquainted, but I'd like to ask you how you like Eugene. My husband stands a 60% chance of being relocated and both Eugene and Corvallis are options.

To stay on-topic, I'm a complete caffiene addict. When my office got an espresso machine, I ended up with acute caffiene toxicity. My doc thought I either had a stroke or perhaps MS until we went through my history. I couldn't feel my hands, feet or face, and one whole side of my body would go numb.

These days, I drink about 6 cups of strong, black coffee and one Diet Coke a day. Withdrawl would probably be excruciating.

I'd pick Eugene over Corvallis any day.  Every place has their problems, and Eugene is no different.  But while Corvallis still tries to be a farm/lumber town, Eugene is a bit more cosmopolitan (tries too hard to be at times actually). There is plenty of coffee and beer to make up for it.  Portland is at least nearby.

The winter rains can get you down though, and the dry summer takes its toll, and that'll be true of Eugene or Corvallis, but the short drive to ocean, mountains, or high desert is pretty sweet.

As I said though, lots of coffee and beer.


Thanks! I'm leaning towards Eugene anyway: last year we moved from the heart of a major city to a small town, and while it has its charms, I am so bored. As long as we can drive to skiing in the winter I'm fine.

Eugene has youth hockey for my kids too.
 
2013-02-27 07:19:00 PM

OooShiny: ExpressPork: "How many must there be before we regulate?"

Liberalism at it's finest.


As soon as Republican Christian supremacists stop trying to regulate my farking uterus, then perhaps I can believe their whole farking "small government" bullshiat.


So if you take a 2 year old child and have it surgically implanted in your uterus, you should be able to legally kill it? I mean if your logic is that what's in your uterus is fair game, you gotta agree with that one.
 
2013-02-27 10:55:48 PM

OooShiny: Your Average Witty Fark User: I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey one day, 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I do, however stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew when I'm in a region that carries it.

Which begs the question...for the love of god WHY???

Why doth thou suffereth that rancid liquid, if not for the purpose of ingesting jet fuel?


Because I actually like it. Let me tell you, when you haven't had something for 10 years, it tastes wonderful when you finally find it again.
 
2013-02-27 11:47:57 PM

Bisu: So if you take a 2 year old child and have it surgically implanted in your uterus, you should be able to legally kill it? I mean if your logic is that what's in your uterus is fair game, you gotta agree with that one.


Yeah, let's agree with a bullshiat premise.

/actually against late term abortion
 
2013-02-28 12:19:18 AM

ytterbium: meat0918: ytterbium: meat0918: Fano: Your Average Witty Fark User: I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey one day, 13 years ago. I don't miss it. I do, however stock up on caffeine free Mountain Dew when I'm in a region that carries it.

Caffeine free mountain dew? Is that like non-alcoholic beer?

I drink the diet Mt. Dew.

Caffeine is my friend, but I had quit coffee before I moved to Eugene, Oregon.  I swear there is a coffee shop every few blocks.

So we aren't acquainted, but I'd like to ask you how you like Eugene. My husband stands a 60% chance of being relocated and both Eugene and Corvallis are options.

To stay on-topic, I'm a complete caffiene addict. When my office got an espresso machine, I ended up with acute caffiene toxicity. My doc thought I either had a stroke or perhaps MS until we went through my history. I couldn't feel my hands, feet or face, and one whole side of my body would go numb.

These days, I drink about 6 cups of strong, black coffee and one Diet Coke a day. Withdrawl would probably be excruciating.

I'd pick Eugene over Corvallis any day.  Every place has their problems, and Eugene is no different.  But while Corvallis still tries to be a farm/lumber town, Eugene is a bit more cosmopolitan (tries too hard to be at times actually). There is plenty of coffee and beer to make up for it.  Portland is at least nearby.

The winter rains can get you down though, and the dry summer takes its toll, and that'll be true of Eugene or Corvallis, but the short drive to ocean, mountains, or high desert is pretty sweet.

As I said though, lots of coffee and beer.

Thanks! I'm leaning towards Eugene anyway: last year we moved from the heart of a major city to a small town, and while it has its charms, I am so bored. As long as we can drive to skiing in the winter I'm fine.

Eugene has youth hockey for my kids too.


One of my coworkers might be their coach, lol.
 
2013-02-28 07:41:23 AM
How Many Fire-Related Fatalities and Near-Misses Must There Be Before We Regulate?
 
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