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(Huffington Post)   Today's lifestyle headline, "I caught my son french-kissing my wife" ...ewww   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 27
    More: Sick, stay-at-home dad, public displays of affection, sons, midwife, french  
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19407 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Feb 2013 at 6:44 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-02-26 07:38:38 PM  
4 votes:
1. The wife is the main problem, and she won't change because she loves the attention. It makes her feel better about not being home with the kid all day.

2. If a child kicks you in the face, the child needs to be severely and immediately punished.

3. Neither one of the adults is attracted to the other anymore. He's an emasculated wimp, which makes him unappealing, and she's an unsympathetic attention whore who'd rather snuggle with her child than spend time with her whiny, boring husband.
2013-02-26 07:35:34 PM  
4 votes:

lemming42: AcesFull: Soooo...A kid is at his Grandmothers house when she nods off...The kid gets bored and wanders across the street to his own house...Hearing strange noises,he follows the sounds to his parents room...Opening the door he sees his Dad banging his Mother....Dad jumps up and tries to console his shocked son...The Dad tries to laugh it off,telling the kid it was just a funny game he and his Mom were playing...Dad keeps chuckling and the kid runs off...Dad gets dressed and goes looking for him...He cant find him and goes looking for him at his Grandma's house...And there's the kid..on top of the Grandmother farking her....The Dad screams.."YOU"RE FARKING MY MOTHER!!!???!!"....The kid looks up at him and says..."Not so funny is it?"

Recommend changing the punchline a bit for maximum funny:
The Dad screams.."WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!???!!"....The kid looks up at him and says..."Not so funny when it's YOUR mother, is it?"


You're one of those guys that thinks that a joke gets funnier the more you explain it, aren't you?  There was absolutely no ambiguity regarding what the kid meant and it was snappier.  The extra words you want to throw in add nothing of comedic value.  Nothing.  The first punch line offered was better.
2013-02-26 07:04:38 PM  
3 votes:
They need to slap the creepy little farker more.
2013-02-26 06:52:08 PM  
3 votes:
And like a little Allen, my son is, at three-and-a-half, a true neurotic.

A wildly misleading, attention grabbing headline in order to drive page views.Well done, writer.So I clicked, let's hear it.

Stay-At-Home Dad ... It's funny, though. My wife was the one who wanted a kid, while I was never as sold on the idea.

Dude, you're a stay-at-home dad for a kid you weren't sold on because your career as a "writer" is pathetic.  See for instance this article.
GBB
2013-02-26 08:01:07 PM  
2 votes:
i2.listal.com
2013-02-26 10:33:48 PM  
1 votes:
The entire family needs to be put down.  That is all.
2013-02-26 09:40:49 PM  
1 votes:
It's called spanking. You're welcome.
www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net
2013-02-26 09:32:16 PM  
1 votes:

WeenerGord: lostcat: FunkOut:

Never underestimate the limitless bullheaded all-or-nothing persistance of a toddler. Some are too insane to reason with, threaten, or bribe into doing the normal proper thing. Some would rather cry until they puked because they wanted an old pizza crust that was supposed to go into the garbage and will refuse chocolate cake because DAMMMIT I WANTED THAT PIZZA CRUST MY WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED I WANTED THAT ROTTEN OLD CRUST IT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN EAT DELICIOUS CAKE I WANT THAT PIZZA CRUST BECAUSE I HAVE A NOTION AND I AM A STUPID INSANE CHILD.

This is something that has to be experienced as a parent to truly appreciate.


So let them have the farking pizza crust, what do you care? Maybe once they have the tasteless old thing and see everyone else enjoying delicious cake, they will learn new respect for what you were trying to offer them instead. While the tantrum continues, all they know is that you are stopping them from having what they want. So let them have what they want, as long as it does not harm them or cost you money, who farking cares? Let them have the illusion that they have some farking control over their own life.


...


When it's a piece of pizza crust that you tossed into the garbage, no problem. But when the kid wakes up at 2:00am and wants apple juice, and there's no apple juice in the house, and you explain that apple juice is not an option, then you are dealing with the screaching-crying-until-puking behavior.

Then it doesn't matter that you offer grape juice, milk, cookies, whatever...The kid has decided that apple juice is the only thing that matters in the entire world.

And anyone who thinks there's a reasonable, logical way to convice a 2-year-old kid to stop crying because you can't magically make apple juice appear at 2:00am has obviously never been a parent, or thinks hitting a kid to make it stop crying is a good idea.
2013-02-26 09:06:06 PM  
1 votes:
The Dad screams.."YOU"RE FARKING MY MOTHER!!!???!!"....The kid looks up at him and says..."Not so funny is it?"

lemming42: Recommend changing the punchline a bit for maximum funny:
The Dad screams.."WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!???!!"....The kid looks up at him and says..."Not so funny when it's YOUR mother, is it?"



Louisiana_Sitar_Club:  You're one of those guys that thinks that a joke gets funnier the more you explain it, aren't you? There was absolutely no ambiguity regarding what the kid meant and it was snappier. The extra words you want to throw in add nothing of comedic value. Nothing. The first punch line offered was better.


I disagree. Walking in on the kid boning his own grandmother, the father wouldn't really say "YOU"RE FARKING MY MOTHER!!!???!!"  to his presumably young son, it just seems like unlikely phrasing and an awkward way to set up the punchline. The second version's "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!???!!" is much more "believable" within the confines of the joke, and sets up the kid to deliver the sharper, less ambiguous version of the punchline: "Not so funny when it's YOUR mother, is it?"

This also gives the joke teller a chance to lean on the word "YOUR" to make sure the entire audience "gets it," whereas the vaguer "Not so funny is it?"  just sort of peters out without driving home the point of the joke.
2013-02-26 08:38:51 PM  
1 votes:
Here's an idea, ask your wife why the hell she's allowing her son to put his fraking tongue into her mouth! That's the real question. What kind of mother allows that kind of behaviour to develop between herself and her child?
Cheek kisses, forhead kisses, nose kisses, even lip kisses (to a certain age) are all understandable between mother and baby, but at 3 years old, how the fak does she explain away french kisses????!!!
2013-02-26 08:29:15 PM  
1 votes:

WeenerGord: So let them have the farking pizza crust, what do you care? Maybe once they have the tasteless old thing and see everyone else enjoying delicious cake, they will learn new respect for what you were trying to offer them instead. While the tantrum continues, all they know is that you are stopping them from having what they want. So let them have what they want, as long as it does not harm them or cost you money, who farking cares?


Giving a toddler anything they want just because they're throwing a tantrum teaches them that tantrums will get them what they want.  When they get older, those tantrums get much worse.  That's why parents care.
2013-02-26 08:13:52 PM  
1 votes:

LDM90: Jesus Christ, get a divorce and put the kid up for adoption. It will fark you all up, but less so than the direction you're going now.


No shiat. What a creepy little kid. Oh, and the reason why the dad 'feels' like he's being emasculated? He has been!
2013-02-26 08:11:32 PM  
1 votes:

lostcat: FunkOut:

Never underestimate the limitless bullheaded all-or-nothing persistance of a toddler. Some are too insane to reason with, threaten, or bribe into doing the normal proper thing. Some would rather cry until they puked because they wanted an old pizza crust that was supposed to go into the garbage and will refuse chocolate cake because DAMMMIT I WANTED THAT PIZZA CRUST MY WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED I WANTED THAT ROTTEN OLD CRUST IT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN EAT DELICIOUS CAKE I WANT THAT PIZZA CRUST BECAUSE I HAVE A NOTION AND I AM A STUPID INSANE CHILD.

This is something that has to be experienced as a parent to truly appreciate.



So let them have the farking pizza crust, what do you care? Maybe once they have the tasteless old thing and see everyone else enjoying delicious cake, they will learn new respect for what you were trying to offer them instead. While the tantrum continues, all they know is that you are stopping them from having what they want. So let them have what they want, as long as it does not harm them or cost you money, who farking cares? Let them have the illusion that they have some farking control over their own life.

But yeah the guy in the article is all about himself, not one world about any fun times he was able to create for the kid, nothing about books read together or teaching conversations or trips to the park or museum or teaching him to ride a bike or swim or hunt for butterflies or bugs or play video games together or toss a ball around in the park or learn to play baseball, nothing about doing any dad stuff, maybe the dad really just does not want to be a dad and he does not like the kid and the kid is smart enough to pick up on it. The whole article is about how the dad is the victim of the kids bad behavior, it's like the dad is a big crybaby, and is squealing to the world that his baby son is mean to him and is bullying him. Jeez. Teach the kid to be a better man than that. By example, if you can.

Or maybe the guy is a schmuck and the woman picked him up to be a stay at home free babysitter, even if he did not want a child. Guess that is the price you pay to be supported by a working wife.
2013-02-26 08:00:03 PM  
1 votes:
Dude is a HUGE pussy.
Wife is likely farking a guy that make her feel like a real woman on the side...
2013-02-26 07:56:24 PM  
1 votes:
Start hitting the little farker every time he tries that or get's in the middle of stuff. This man is actually competing with his 3 and a half year old son, its not hard to make a kid that young afraid of you.
2013-02-26 07:44:00 PM  
1 votes:

Emo Jeezus: More low-IQ trash from the Fluffington Post, kingdom of deceptive headlines, garbage new age health advice, and grotesquely uninformed, self-important "poets, artists and playwrights" who masquerade as social critic columnists.



  Wow!   add a little harmonica and guitar....and that's a Bob Dylan song.
2013-02-26 07:31:27 PM  
1 votes:
"I caught my daughter giving head to my brother."
2013-02-26 07:29:03 PM  
1 votes:
Also, maybe they shouldn't let the TV babysit the child with Cinemax and HBO.
2013-02-26 07:24:12 PM  
1 votes:
Stupid attention whoring headline of the actual article.......my son and wife were French kissing! ....well, not really, but thanks for reading my crappy blog.
2013-02-26 07:19:52 PM  
1 votes:

JesusJuice: They need to slap the creepy little farker more.


You're close but not so extreme.  Set boundries.  tell the kid he can't get all up in mom's face so often and mom needs to learn to say no when the kisses get inappropriate.  Kid will figure out what's appropriate and what is not.  Who knows- maybe he'll learn enough about "the right way to kiss" enough that he'll be the apple of some girl's eye some day instead of some crazy masher.
2013-02-26 07:18:59 PM  
1 votes:
Kid was doomed from the start when his dickweed hipsters parents named him Felix.
2013-02-26 07:13:24 PM  
1 votes:
  Soooo...A kid is at his Grandmothers house when she nods off...The kid gets bored and wanders across the street to his own house...Hearing strange noises,he follows the sounds to his parents room...Opening the door he sees his Dad banging his Mother....Dad jumps up and tries to console his shocked son...The Dad tries to laugh it off,telling the kid it was just a funny game he and his Mom were playing...Dad keeps chuckling and the kid runs off...Dad gets dressed and goes looking for him...He cant find him and goes looking for him at his Grandma's house...And there's the kid..on top of the Grandmother farking her....The Dad screams.."YOU"RE FARKING MY MOTHER!!!???!!"....The kid looks up at him and says..."Not so funny is it?"
2013-02-26 07:12:20 PM  
1 votes:
My step-son tried the other shiat he was mentioning.  Getting in the middle of every kiss, snuggle, and cuddle, but not the frenchie shiat.  It's basically because he's a momma's boy and momma is too weak to tell the kid no.  He grew out of it once he went to school simply because the other boys made fun of him, which is the natural order of things.  I hope this poor (moron) dad doesn't let the wife talk him in to homeschooling, because that kid is doomed otherwise.
2013-02-26 07:06:22 PM  
1 votes:

YouPeopleAreCrazy: FTA:
...reminds me of how Woody Allen tends to over-emphasize the consonants at the end of words. And like a little Allen, my son is, at 3-and-a-half, a true neurotic.

...I often feel marginal in the family, and emasculated.

Dude..I think you are the neurotic one. Stop projecting.

Stupid articles like this are why many, many people make fun of most 'writers' and almost all 'bloggers'.


You're a failure of a father if you let the 3 year old have the Oedipal victory.
2013-02-26 06:58:40 PM  
1 votes:
When he found what he had done,
He tore his eyes out, one by one,
A tragic end to a loyal son,
Who loved his mother.
2013-02-26 06:53:57 PM  
1 votes:
i96.photobucket.com
Go on...
2013-02-26 06:33:33 PM  
1 votes:
It's funny, though. My wife was the one who wanted a kid, while I was never as sold on the idea.

No wonder the little Oedipus-in-training loathes you.
 
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