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(Huffington Post)   Today's lifestyle headline, "I caught my son french-kissing my wife" ...ewww   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 109
    More: Sick, stay-at-home dad, public displays of affection, sons, midwife, french  
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19396 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Feb 2013 at 6:44 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



109 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-02-26 06:33:33 PM  
It's funny, though. My wife was the one who wanted a kid, while I was never as sold on the idea.

No wonder the little Oedipus-in-training loathes you.
 
2013-02-26 06:46:24 PM  
What, no pictures?
 
2013-02-26 06:46:24 PM  
WTF is Mom thinking?

/this kid is going to Rex something
 
2013-02-26 06:49:02 PM  
She's raising a Cyrus.

d3gtl9l2a4fn1j.cloudfront.net
 
2013-02-26 06:49:05 PM  
Why do they call you Eatapuss?

/obscure?
 
2013-02-26 06:51:18 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-02-26 06:52:08 PM  
Candy is dandy,

but incest is best....
 
2013-02-26 06:52:08 PM  
And like a little Allen, my son is, at three-and-a-half, a true neurotic.

A wildly misleading, attention grabbing headline in order to drive page views.Well done, writer.So I clicked, let's hear it.

Stay-At-Home Dad ... It's funny, though. My wife was the one who wanted a kid, while I was never as sold on the idea.

Dude, you're a stay-at-home dad for a kid you weren't sold on because your career as a "writer" is pathetic.  See for instance this article.
 
2013-02-26 06:52:17 PM  
Someone has seen my tube searches
 
2013-02-26 06:52:42 PM  
What the son and wife may look like

media1.shmoop.com
 
2013-02-26 06:53:17 PM  
Definition of Gross: When you kiss your gramma goodbye, and she gives you the tongue.
 
2013-02-26 06:53:57 PM  
i96.photobucket.com
Go on...
 
2013-02-26 06:54:54 PM  
over/under on post count until:

Pic of Jeffrey Jones:30

Pic of Stephanie Seymore: 60
 
2013-02-26 06:55:16 PM  
Alicia Silverstone approves.
 
2013-02-26 06:56:13 PM  
Mother F+cker.
 
2013-02-26 06:56:21 PM  

planes: Definition of Gross: When you kiss your gramma goodbye, and she gives you the tongue.


If you don't cup her tits when kissing her goodbye, that tends not to happen that much.
 
2013-02-26 06:58:40 PM  
When he found what he had done,
He tore his eyes out, one by one,
A tragic end to a loyal son,
Who loved his mother.
 
2013-02-26 07:00:24 PM  
They obviously edited out the original beginning of the article, which was "Dear Penthouse".
 
2013-02-26 07:01:10 PM  
FTA:
...reminds me of how Woody Allen tends to over-emphasize the consonants at the end of words. And like a little Allen, my son is, at 3-and-a-half, a true neurotic.

...I often feel marginal in the family, and emasculated.


Dude..I think you are the neurotic one. Stop projecting.

Stupid articles like this are why many, many people make fun of most 'writers' and almost all 'bloggers'.
 
2013-02-26 07:04:09 PM  
Much like nepotism, incest is OK as long as you keep it in the family.
 
2013-02-26 07:04:38 PM  
They need to slap the creepy little farker more.
 
2013-02-26 07:06:22 PM  

YouPeopleAreCrazy: FTA:
...reminds me of how Woody Allen tends to over-emphasize the consonants at the end of words. And like a little Allen, my son is, at 3-and-a-half, a true neurotic.

...I often feel marginal in the family, and emasculated.

Dude..I think you are the neurotic one. Stop projecting.

Stupid articles like this are why many, many people make fun of most 'writers' and almost all 'bloggers'.


You're a failure of a father if you let the 3 year old have the Oedipal victory.
 
2013-02-26 07:08:17 PM  
Paging Dr. Freud.
 
2013-02-26 07:09:09 PM  
Incest Is Best

Relatively speaking
 
2013-02-26 07:12:16 PM  
Jesus Christ, get a divorce and put the kid up for adoption. It will fark you all up, but less so than the direction you're going now.
 
2013-02-26 07:12:20 PM  
My step-son tried the other shiat he was mentioning.  Getting in the middle of every kiss, snuggle, and cuddle, but not the frenchie shiat.  It's basically because he's a momma's boy and momma is too weak to tell the kid no.  He grew out of it once he went to school simply because the other boys made fun of him, which is the natural order of things.  I hope this poor (moron) dad doesn't let the wife talk him in to homeschooling, because that kid is doomed otherwise.
 
2013-02-26 07:12:24 PM  
Jeremy Davies unavailable for comment.

/Spanking the Monkey
 
2013-02-26 07:13:24 PM  
  Soooo...A kid is at his Grandmothers house when she nods off...The kid gets bored and wanders across the street to his own house...Hearing strange noises,he follows the sounds to his parents room...Opening the door he sees his Dad banging his Mother....Dad jumps up and tries to console his shocked son...The Dad tries to laugh it off,telling the kid it was just a funny game he and his Mom were playing...Dad keeps chuckling and the kid runs off...Dad gets dressed and goes looking for him...He cant find him and goes looking for him at his Grandma's house...And there's the kid..on top of the Grandmother farking her....The Dad screams.."YOU"RE FARKING MY MOTHER!!!???!!"....The kid looks up at him and says..."Not so funny is it?"
 
2013-02-26 07:14:16 PM  

KangTheMad: YouPeopleAreCrazy: FTA:
...reminds me of how Woody Allen tends to over-emphasize the consonants at the end of words. And like a little Allen, my son is, at 3-and-a-half, a true neurotic.

...I often feel marginal in the family, and emasculated.

Dude..I think you are the neurotic one. Stop projecting.

Stupid articles like this are why many, many people make fun of most 'writers' and almost all 'bloggers'.

You're a failure of a father if you let the 3 year old have the Oedipal victory.


Never underestimate the limitless bullheaded all-or-nothing persistance of a toddler. Some are too insane to reason with, threaten, or bribe into doing the normal proper thing. Some would rather cry until they puked because they wanted an old pizza crust that was supposed to go into the garbage and will refuse chocolate cake because DAMMMIT I WANTED THAT PIZZA CRUST MY WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED I WANTED THAT ROTTEN OLD CRUST IT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN EAT DELICIOUS CAKE I WANT THAT PIZZA CRUST BECAUSE I HAVE A NOTION AND I AM A STUPID INSANE CHILD.
 
2013-02-26 07:15:51 PM  

Tillmaster: When he found what he had done,
He tore his eyes out, one by one,
A tragic end to a loyal son,
Who loved his mother.


At least give Tom Lehrer his credit where credit is due.
 
2013-02-26 07:16:01 PM  

AcesFull: Soooo...A kid is at his Grandmothers house when she nods off...The kid gets bored and wanders across the street to his own house...Hearing strange noises,he follows the sounds to his parents room...Opening the door he sees his Dad banging his Mother....Dad jumps up and tries to console his shocked son...The Dad tries to laugh it off,telling the kid it was just a funny game he and his Mom were playing...Dad keeps chuckling and the kid runs off...Dad gets dressed and goes looking for him...He cant find him and goes looking for him at his Grandma's house...And there's the kid..on top of the Grandmother farking her....The Dad screams.."YOU"RE FARKING MY MOTHER!!!???!!"....The kid looks up at him and says..."Not so funny is it?"


Recommend changing the punchline a bit for maximum funny:
The Dad screams.."WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!???!!"....The kid looks up at him and says..."Not so funny when it's YOUR mother, is it?"
 
2013-02-26 07:18:31 PM  

KangTheMad: You're a failure of a father if you let the 3 year old have the Oedipal victory.


FTA:
A Sunday or two ago, when I suggested we let Mommy sleep while we make her breakfast, he kicked me in the face. A couple of days later, he threw a used tissue at me while I snoozed. During the day, when it's just the two of us, he tells me that he wishes I would leave so it could just be him and Mommy.
...
I never thought it would be a battle. At times it feels like this family just ain't big enough for the three of us.


Oh, he lost the battle long ago. He is an unneeded appendage in that household.
 
2013-02-26 07:18:59 PM  
Kid was doomed from the start when his dickweed hipsters parents named him Felix.
 
2013-02-26 07:19:52 PM  

JesusJuice: They need to slap the creepy little farker more.


You're close but not so extreme.  Set boundries.  tell the kid he can't get all up in mom's face so often and mom needs to learn to say no when the kisses get inappropriate.  Kid will figure out what's appropriate and what is not.  Who knows- maybe he'll learn enough about "the right way to kiss" enough that he'll be the apple of some girl's eye some day instead of some crazy masher.
 
2013-02-26 07:21:39 PM  

lemming42: AcesFull: Soooo...A kid is at his Grandmothers house when she nods off...The kid gets bored and wanders across the street to his own house...Hearing strange noises,he follows the sounds to his parents room...Opening the door he sees his Dad banging his Mother....Dad jumps up and tries to console his shocked son...The Dad tries to laugh it off,telling the kid it was just a funny game he and his Mom were playing...Dad keeps chuckling and the kid runs off...Dad gets dressed and goes looking for him...He cant find him and goes looking for him at his Grandma's house...And there's the kid..on top of the Grandmother farking her....The Dad screams.."YOU"RE FARKING MY MOTHER!!!???!!"....The kid looks up at him and says..."Not so funny is it?"

Recommend changing the punchline a bit for maximum funny:
The Dad screams.."WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!???!!"....The kid looks up at him and says..."Not so funny when it's YOUR mother, is it?"



    I was on deadline..damn editors!
 
2013-02-26 07:22:43 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Kid was doomed from the start when his dickweed hipsters parents named him Felix.


Really cool parents would have named him Fritz.
 
2013-02-26 07:24:12 PM  
Stupid attention whoring headline of the actual article.......my son and wife were French kissing! ....well, not really, but thanks for reading my crappy blog.
 
2013-02-26 07:26:06 PM  
I'm so hard right now.
 
2013-02-26 07:27:39 PM  
I could have sworn my half brother wrote this article - he's an emasculated wimp who let's his wife run the show and his son is also named Felix.
 
2013-02-26 07:29:03 PM  
Also, maybe they shouldn't let the TV babysit the child with Cinemax and HBO.
 
2013-02-26 07:31:27 PM  
"I caught my daughter giving head to my brother."
 
2013-02-26 07:31:46 PM  
I hope he comes here to read this thread. If there is one thing Fark has in abundance it's parenting experts.

/only exceeded by genius level IQs, people who have paid off their mortgage, and dudes with huge penises and model girlfriends
 
2013-02-26 07:33:56 PM  

js34603: I hope he comes here to read this thread. If there is one thing Fark has in abundance it's parenting experts.

/only exceeded by genius level IQs, people who have paid off their mortgage, and dudes with huge penises and model girlfriends


And people who make sweeping generalisations.
 
2013-02-26 07:34:23 PM  
Yippee Ki Yay
 
2013-02-26 07:34:32 PM  
"Everyone has that one creepy uncle who always wants to kiss you when he sees you. But follow up with some tongue, and suddenly you're the weirdo."
 
2013-02-26 07:35:01 PM  
FunkOut:

Never underestimate the limitless bullheaded all-or-nothing persistance of a toddler. Some are too insane to reason with, threaten, or bribe into doing the normal proper thing. Some would rather cry until they puked because they wanted an old pizza crust that was supposed to go into the garbage and will refuse chocolate cake because DAMMMIT I WANTED THAT PIZZA CRUST MY WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED I WANTED THAT ROTTEN OLD CRUST IT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN EAT DELICIOUS CAKE I WANT THAT PIZZA CRUST BECAUSE I HAVE A NOTION AND I AM A STUPID INSANE CHILD.

This is something that has to be experienced as a parent to truly appreciate.
 
2013-02-26 07:35:32 PM  
I bet Mom works as a bouncer.
 
2013-02-26 07:35:34 PM  

lemming42: AcesFull: Soooo...A kid is at his Grandmothers house when she nods off...The kid gets bored and wanders across the street to his own house...Hearing strange noises,he follows the sounds to his parents room...Opening the door he sees his Dad banging his Mother....Dad jumps up and tries to console his shocked son...The Dad tries to laugh it off,telling the kid it was just a funny game he and his Mom were playing...Dad keeps chuckling and the kid runs off...Dad gets dressed and goes looking for him...He cant find him and goes looking for him at his Grandma's house...And there's the kid..on top of the Grandmother farking her....The Dad screams.."YOU"RE FARKING MY MOTHER!!!???!!"....The kid looks up at him and says..."Not so funny is it?"

Recommend changing the punchline a bit for maximum funny:
The Dad screams.."WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!???!!"....The kid looks up at him and says..."Not so funny when it's YOUR mother, is it?"


You're one of those guys that thinks that a joke gets funnier the more you explain it, aren't you?  There was absolutely no ambiguity regarding what the kid meant and it was snappier.  The extra words you want to throw in add nothing of comedic value.  Nothing.  The first punch line offered was better.
 
2013-02-26 07:37:00 PM  
More low-IQ trash from the Fluffington Post, kingdom of deceptive headlines, garbage new age health advice, and grotesquely uninformed, self-important "poets, artists and playwrights" who masquerade as social critic columnists.
 
2013-02-26 07:38:38 PM  
1. The wife is the main problem, and she won't change because she loves the attention. It makes her feel better about not being home with the kid all day.

2. If a child kicks you in the face, the child needs to be severely and immediately punished.

3. Neither one of the adults is attracted to the other anymore. He's an emasculated wimp, which makes him unappealing, and she's an unsympathetic attention whore who'd rather snuggle with her child than spend time with her whiny, boring husband.
 
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