If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Yahoo)   Dear Abby: My adult granddaughters have rejected me, feeling uncomfortable with the way I rub their shoulders and necks   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 104
    More: Obvious, Abigail Van Buren, adult granddaughters, Jeanne Phillips, Pauline Phillips, grandfather  
•       •       •

28235 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Feb 2013 at 10:53 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-02-25 09:26:30 AM  
14 votes:
What's the big problem gramps?   When my now-16 yo niece turned 13 she started looking like a real woman and I stopped treating her like a little kid and went into guarded mode.  If she wants a hug, she can initiate it.  If she posts a cute pic on Facebook, I don't click like. Common sense stuff.

It's not about you.  Obviously they feel a bit creeped out about it, so show some real love and back off.
2013-02-25 11:26:58 AM  
8 votes:

weave: What's the big problem gramps?   When my now-16 yo niece turned 13 she started looking like a real woman and I stopped treating her like a little kid and went into guarded mode.  If she wants a hug, she can initiate it.  If she posts a cute pic on Facebook, I don't click like. Common sense stuff.


Obviously you need to respect what other people are comfortable with, but it sounds like you're afraid to hug your family members lest you be deemed a sexual predator, and that's a sad reflection on the state of our society.
2013-02-25 09:40:24 AM  
6 votes:
I feel violated just from reading that guys letter.
2013-02-25 04:13:21 PM  
5 votes:
One stepdad's advice after ten years of stepparenting:

1. Kids aren't there to meet your needs; you're there to meet theirs. (Their actual needs, not the ones you wish they had, ya perv.)
2. You're never entitled to give or receive affection. It's a privilege.
3. Don't violate the above rule unless you're comfortable with the kid thinking of you as basically being a hug rapist.
4. Any kid who has stopped asking you to pick him or her up is too old to touch below the shoulder blades.
5. When the kid lets go, the hug ends. No exceptions.
6. The less you like these rules, the more you should probably follow them.
2013-02-25 11:31:09 AM  
5 votes:

Virtuoso80: When my niece was young, I treated her like a kid. She'd sit on my lap, lean against me, etc. Now that she's 12, we don't do that anymore. Perhaps 12 is a child still to a grandfather, but you should know that to a 12-year-old, perspective has changed.


My oldest nephew is about half your niece's age (in your story, don't know about her IRL) and I allow him to be the one to initiate hugs now. He's a snuggly little guy. With his little brother (around 20 months) I go by body language, but I think it's just important for kids to understand that they do have rights to their bodies and don't need to submit just because some adult wants a hug.
2013-02-25 11:56:15 AM  
4 votes:

Virtuoso80: spentmiles: Then it got weird.

Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?


Stick around for a few more of his posts and it will all become clear to you.
2013-02-25 11:31:07 AM  
4 votes:
It seems to me like, when people get older, they just don't care anymore about certain things, and more about others. Kind of like, "I love my grandkids, and I want to hug them and be close to them. Phooey on being reserved, that's just silly. When you get old, you understand what's important in life, and value your family and the time you get to be with them." I honestly don't think the grandfather in this story means badly, I think it's just that kind of perspective.
2013-02-25 11:09:42 AM  
4 votes:

Amos Quito: Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?


You realize her daughter took over the column years ago when she got Alzheimer's disease, right?  Next you're going to be shocked to hear that Jim Davis doesn't draw Garfield these days too.
2013-02-25 11:07:21 AM  
4 votes:
Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?
2013-02-25 11:00:45 AM  
4 votes:
i87.photobucket.com
2013-02-25 04:29:36 PM  
3 votes:

GreenSun: People are sexualizing almost everything these days. What used to be normal back then (even in the 80s) can now be thought of as sexual harassment now! A simple massage, hug, rub aren't sexual acts. Those are normal ways family members express love and affection for each other.

Now if the grandpa suddenly drooled over his grandkids and instead of just rubbing their neck he started groping and mashing their boobs while "flicking" their lower lips, well that's sexual harassment.


It's not about sex! I exceedingly doubt the girls think that grandpa wants to do them.

What it is about is many adults have a hard time recognizing that children, as they grow up, require their own personal space.
2013-02-25 01:24:12 PM  
3 votes:

Andromeda: Amos Quito: Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?

You realize her daughter took over the column years ago when she got Alzheimer's disease, right?  Next you're going to be shocked to hear that Jim Davis doesn't draw Garfield these days too.


Did Jim Davis also retire because of Alzheimer's?  Because that would explain a lot.

Come to think of it, Garfield probably isn't drawn at all.  It's probably composed of Garfield clipart and randomly generated dialog.
2013-02-25 12:29:16 PM  
3 votes:

moonage daydream: What's with all the people giving backrubs to little kids? Are they really that stressed out?


I've got nine nieces and nephews, and never once have I given a backrub.
2013-02-25 12:24:47 PM  
3 votes:
There is a whole lot of creepy in this thread.
2013-02-25 11:33:03 AM  
3 votes:

DROxINxTHExWIND: Dear Abby, how can you help me to convince them that I should be able to rub and touch them? Also, can you please give me validation by talking about how unreasonable they are being so that I can continue acting like an innocent old man who doesn't get it?


I don't think that is what he is complaining about.  I think he complaining due to the fact they never asked him to stop yet completely abandoned him.  I can fully understand where he is coming from.  You have a little girl that likes to throw her arms around you to get a hug, likes being picked up, or snuggling every time she see's you.  You become so used to the behavior it becomes a huge shock when all of a sudden out of the blue it is completely unwelcome because you still see her as that same little girl.  However, massaging is a little weird in "US" society.
2013-02-25 11:14:33 AM  
3 votes:
Dear Abby, how can you help me to convince them that I should be able to rub and touch them? Also, can you please give me validation by talking about how unreasonable they are being so that I can continue acting like an innocent old man who doesn't get it?
x23
2013-02-25 11:10:34 AM  
3 votes:

rigamrts: does anyone realize it's grandma not gramps that has the massage fetish and where does abby get off by say they need professional mediation. abby why not tell the stupid biatch to stop groping them and except the fact they don't want to be touched that way.



what?

Loving Grandfather Is Hurt By Sudden Silent Treatment
DEAR ABBY: My two adult granddaughters have rejected me, their doting grandfather.
[...]
-- GRIEVING GRANDDAD
 
so yeah... i am kinda curious how you came to the conclusion it is actually the grandmother.
2013-02-25 11:01:42 AM  
3 votes:
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
2013-02-26 12:54:14 AM  
2 votes:

MisterRonbo: moonage daydream: MisterRonbo: 

Do you really need the thing with you at all times?  If you're so utterly unable to be away from rover for ten damn minutes, get your groceries delivered.

No more disgusting than most children. Who I see lick, touch, and smash plenty of food in the grocery...

True, good point.

But: Can you leave small children home alone? Can you get (and afford) a babysitter every time you shop?

Versus: Can you leave rover home alone?

That's before I even get in to the teensy fact that one is a HUMAN BEING and the other is a farking PET.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.


A human being acting like an out of control animal rustles your jimmies less than a well-behaved dog whose only fault is being in the store?

Dog haters crack me up. Miserable folks.
2013-02-25 09:34:22 PM  
2 votes:

MisterRonbo: Do you really need the thing with you at all times? If you're so utterly unable to be away from rover for ten damn minutes, get your groceries delivered.


You left out the part where I said only if they're well-behaved.  Same goes for children, too - those things should only be in public if they're well-behaved.
2013-02-25 04:54:14 PM  
2 votes:

the_foo: Impossible to say from reading a tiny bit of one side. There are people out there who either just don't like any sort of contact, or even read something inappropriate into innocent gestures. Or gramps could be a perv.


Right and those people don't have to tolerate the contact, even if the toucher doesn't intend anything inappropriate.
2013-02-25 04:40:37 PM  
2 votes:
i think maybe the kiddies did ask gramps to quit about a gaIllion times and he just ignored it. KIds are not allowed to have opinions and neither are the women folk.
2013-02-25 04:27:43 PM  
2 votes:

namatad: Zasteva: namatad: mhmm
sounds like she is being a manipulative little biatch, doesnt it. pretty healthy of her.

I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. Some people are comfortable with their own sexuality and attractiveness. As long as she's basically just flirting and enjoying the effect I don't see any problem with it.

She should be able to flirt with anybody and feel safe doing it. Unfortunately in our society many men take being flirted with as a promise of sex, and feel like they are owed if there's no follow-thru.

So it could be pretty healthy of her. But it's possible she's got harmful intentions or is just clueless, in which case I'd say that wouldn't be healthy. Her uncle probably has a better sense of that than either of us do.

I agree with the jumping to conclusions.
but what we were presented with was a bit more than harmless flirting and ...
not sure you are supposed to sexually flirt with your relatives. certainly a bit creepy to me.

While I am not against flirting in general, and agree completely that it is not a promise of sex, ....
I still feel a bit of the "it is teasing" and teasing sucks.
Flirting when you are out at bar, as part of the game, fine.
Flirting with your uncle? meh, that is that last time you get an xmas present from me!!


Here are the rules:

Are you related?  If yes, no flirting.  If no, flirt, but only if you're interested.

Got it?  Related != Flirting
2013-02-25 03:59:35 PM  
2 votes:

Zasteva: namatad: mhmm
sounds like she is being a manipulative little biatch, doesnt it. pretty healthy of her.

I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. Some people are comfortable with their own sexuality and attractiveness. As long as she's basically just flirting and enjoying the effect I don't see any problem with it.

She should be able to flirt with anybody and feel safe doing it. Unfortunately in our society many men take being flirted with as a promise of sex, and feel like they are owed if there's no follow-thru.

So it could be pretty healthy of her. But it's possible she's got harmful intentions or is just clueless, in which case I'd say that wouldn't be healthy. Her uncle probably has a better sense of that than either of us do.


I agree with the jumping to conclusions.
but what we were presented with was a bit more than harmless flirting and ...
not sure you are supposed to sexually flirt with your relatives. certainly a bit creepy to me.

While I am not against flirting in general, and agree completely that it is not a promise of sex, ....
I still feel a bit of the "it is teasing" and teasing sucks.
Flirting when you are out at bar, as part of the game, fine.
Flirting with your uncle? meh, that is that last time you get an xmas present from me!!
2013-02-25 03:52:02 PM  
2 votes:

NSFW: jayphat: The next one about the dog kinda pisses me off. Because some elderly people have small dogs that accompany them as service dogs. Not for blindness, but for depression from being alone.

No they don't.  Those are called pets, not service dogs.  They don't belong in grocery stores.


I have a little old lady who comes into my store once a week with a yorkie. She had paperwork showing its a service animal for mental health. When she brings her in, she puts a blanket in the cart for her to sit on. Never once has this dog been a nuisance. Hell, this dog looks cleaner and acts more well behaved than 3/4 of the people shopping in a grocery store. If the dog caused a problem, we would ask her to not have her in here. But get the fark over yourself if you think a dog that is there to keep old people from offing themselves is a problem.
2013-02-25 03:32:35 PM  
2 votes:

Kazrath: DROxINxTHExWIND: Dear Abby, how can you help me to convince them that I should be able to rub and touch them? Also, can you please give me validation by talking about how unreasonable they are being so that I can continue acting like an innocent old man who doesn't get it?

I don't think that is what he is complaining about.  I think he complaining due to the fact they never asked him to stop yet completely abandoned him.  I can fully understand where he is coming from.  You have a little girl that likes to throw her arms around you to get a hug, likes being picked up, or snuggling every time she see's you.  You become so used to the behavior it becomes a huge shock when all of a sudden out of the blue it is completely unwelcome because you still see her as that same little girl.  However, massaging is a little weird in "US" society.


"Suddenly" you become aware of other people watching what you do and the collectively think it's creepy? Guess what? Learn to deal. Your response just reinforces that "wierdness". You think you are owed something physical, and they think you're goddamn nuts. There's a reason for such things. The main one? YOU are NOT their parents. Unless your kid is a complete screw up, a meth addict, can't boil water....something...back off grandpa(ma)
2013-02-25 03:29:03 PM  
2 votes:

Nuuu: When the whole family saw my mom literally trembling with anger, and my great uncle dumbstruck with a big red imprint on his cheek, they where all aghast . . . at my mom for treating her uncle so disrespectfully.


Story of my life.

My personal favorite is when dad (who was always travelling - I mean he was home maybe 1 or 2 days a week) was seriously pissed off at 11 yo me when he found out I was going to the school guidance counselor to deal with my mother's alcoholism. Cause, you know, you don't talk about family issues.

Yep, it was my fault.
2013-02-25 03:05:17 PM  
2 votes:

jayphat: The next one about the dog kinda pisses me off. Because some elderly people have small dogs that accompany them as service dogs. Not for blindness, but for depression from being alone.


No they don't.  Those are called pets, not service dogs.  They don't belong in grocery stores.
2013-02-25 02:50:05 PM  
2 votes:

airsupport: Dear Abby:

My granddaughters' vaginas are becoming a little pungent for my tastes. Do I bring this up with my son at the next family gathering?


OH MY GOD
we have a winner
CLOSE the THREAD please
2013-02-25 12:28:10 PM  
2 votes:

Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.


Thing is, those might be service dogs.  I don't know about other states, but in California they have them for more than just blind people.  Apparently separation anxiety and agoraphobia are also valid reasons.  And there's nothing the manager can do about it anyway, if he asks and they say it's a service dog, that's the end of the conversation.  He can't even ask for documentation.
2013-02-25 12:26:20 PM  
2 votes:

spentmiles: My male co-worker is always coming up behind me and giving me massages.  He always says, "You're so tense, let me work on you a little bit."  He has hands like a gorilla, so strong and penetrating.  I feel like he's massaging muscles in my chest when he's rubbing my back.

He tells me I have a great physique, but I lift too much because everything is in knots.  Then he does this thing where he rubs his hands in my hair, over my ears, down my jaw line, and then slides his ring fingers into my mouth, pulling the sides apart while admonishing me for not smiling more.  It's like he's trying to stretch my lips and mouth cavity wider and wider.  Sort of freaks me out, but I do carry a lot of stress in my jaw.

Then the other day he said he wanted me to give me a flexibility test.  He takes this long, giant squash out of his bag.  The neck on the thing is like ten inches in diameter.  He told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.  I was sort of flabbergasted, like I was at a hypnotist show, so I just followed along.  He then used a long cue-tip to rub some sort of numbing agent in the back of my throat.  I was terrified, and worse, he started working the neck of the squash into my mouth, pulling at my lips, and nudging it deeper and deeper.  My brain was saying, "spit it out, struggle, throw up!"  But I couldn't get my body to respond.  Somehow or another he got the entire thing down my throat without me gagging.

Then it got weird.  He took out the squash and sat in my lap, facing me, his legs flowing over the back of my buttocks and hips.  He just stared into my eyes with his arms draped over my shoulders.  It was like I was something to dote over, like a perfect vase he'd made at Craft Camp.  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, at least twenty minutes, and I felt what I can only describe as an anteater mulling around between us.

I feel really uncomfortable around him.  And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps.  I want ...


If he is paying for the trip, you would be a fool not to take a free vacation.
2013-02-25 12:26:18 PM  
2 votes:
Great response Abby, do your best to help enable gropy grampy.
2013-02-25 12:22:38 PM  
2 votes:
Spentmiles

My male co.....


This is why I favorited you so long ago!
2013-02-25 11:53:50 AM  
2 votes:
any pics of the adult granddaughters?
2013-02-25 11:46:58 AM  
2 votes:
A guide for old people:

Touching arms/shoulders while talking: appropriate, unless it makes someone specifically uncomfortable and they mention it.

Any motion that can be described as "rubbing": no.  Stop.  Apparently this was fine in the 1940s and 1950s since all of you bloody well do it, but it hasn't been socially acceptable since, so quit it.
2013-02-25 11:39:30 AM  
2 votes:

the_foo: weave: What's the big problem gramps?   When my now-16 yo niece turned 13 she started looking like a real woman and I stopped treating her like a little kid and went into guarded mode.  If she wants a hug, she can initiate it.  If she posts a cute pic on Facebook, I don't click like. Common sense stuff.

Obviously you need to respect what other people are comfortable with, but it sounds like you're afraid to hug your family members lest you be deemed a sexual predator, and that's a sad reflection on the state of our society.


My daughter is 12 1/2. I get the polite "lean in" hugs now. It hurts, but I get it, and so should gramps.
2013-02-25 11:23:41 AM  
2 votes:
Dear Askance: I work above a grocery store. At night, we borrow their carts (with their blessing) in order to help us take our garbage out in one trip.

ALWAYS WASH YOUR PRODUCE BEFORE YOU EAT IT.

Thanks, TMLPK
2013-02-25 11:03:53 AM  
2 votes:
does anyone realize it's grandma not gramps that has the massage fetish and where does abby get off by say they need professional mediation. abby why not tell the stupid biatch to stop groping them and except the fact they don't want to be touched that way.
2013-02-25 10:05:04 AM  
2 votes:
Dear Abby: My teenage daughters have rejected me, feeling uncomfortable with the way I clean up after them when they urinate. I've been doing this since the day they were born, but suddenly they don't want anything to do with me. How do I throw away a family bond that has been cultivated for 13 years?
2013-02-25 09:55:36 AM  
2 votes:
Pic of gramps:

s16.postimage.org
2013-02-25 09:23:07 AM  
2 votes:
Stay above the clavicle, grandpa.
2013-02-25 11:35:42 PM  
1 votes:

MisterRonbo: IamAwake: j

Anyway, let them have their dogs.  I want mine too, though.

In a grocery store?

No. Farking. Way.

I was in a little corner grocery store.  They have the loaves of french bread, where the bread is sticking out the end of the package.  Some idiot brings his dog in, the thing's wet nose is poking in to the bread.  Disgusting.

And some people are allergic to dogs.

If, say, a hair salon or a clothing store wants to be animal friendly, or some other place that doesn't exist primarily to dispense food or drink, cool. If the grocery store wants to be animal friendly, find a nice shady spot where you can tie the thing up, have some water bowls out, etc.  But keep the things away from the food.

Do you really need the thing with you at all times?  If you're so utterly unable to be away from rover for ten damn minutes, get your groceries delivered.


No more disgusting than most children. Who I see lick, touch, and smash plenty of food in the grocery...
2013-02-25 08:02:04 PM  
1 votes:

Lollipop165: My mother has some sort of depression. (my guess is manic depression).

When I was about 26 or so, I was sleeping over her house in my old bedroom after a night out with friends. I wake up and she's taking pictures of me. Pictures of me sleeping. I ask her to stop doing that. She continues. I tell her again. She continues. I yell at her "WTF is wrong with you? Get out! And she didn't speak to me for 3 months and then made me apologize to her.

She also had a habit of trying to snuggle in my bed with me, hold my hand as we walk down the street, and so on. Things that are just odd to do to a 30-something year old daughter. Or maybe I just think it is weird because I don't particularly like her. Her emotions are so unpredictable and erratic I can't take it any more - my friends tell me I should just walk away from the relationship but who the fark can do that to their sick mother?


Hold you mom's hand, dick.
2013-02-25 06:15:46 PM  
1 votes:

IamAwake: j

Anyway, let them have their dogs.  I want mine too, though.


In a grocery store?

No. Farking. Way.

I was in a little corner grocery store.  They have the loaves of french bread, where the bread is sticking out the end of the package.  Some idiot brings his dog in, the thing's wet nose is poking in to the bread.  Disgusting.

And some people are allergic to dogs.

If, say, a hair salon or a clothing store wants to be animal friendly, or some other place that doesn't exist primarily to dispense food or drink, cool. If the grocery store wants to be animal friendly, find a nice shady spot where you can tie the thing up, have some water bowls out, etc.  But keep the things away from the food.

Do you really need the thing with you at all times?  If you're so utterly unable to be away from rover for ten damn minutes, get your groceries delivered.
2013-02-25 05:53:17 PM  
1 votes:

draa: irreverend mother: i think maybe the kiddies did ask gramps to quit about a gaIllion times and he just ignored it. KIds are not allowed to have opinions and neither are the women folk.

You could be right but I also think It's possible that they didn't want to hurt grandpa's feelings and decided that staying away was the best way to not do it. Of course they could also be like many young adults and they just don't want to be around grandpa/grandma regardless. Much like many kids do with parents when they grow up. I can understand both.


It's possible, but considering that people who can't read body language that's shouting "please stop with the shoulder massage" are usually also bad at reading verbal communication of the same message, I'm inclined to believe they've said things many times.  Perhaps just not as forcefully as they could have for fear of making a big scene.
2013-02-25 05:43:26 PM  
1 votes:

Virtuoso80: spentmiles: Then it got weird.

Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?


Really?  You're not sure if serious? Really?
2013-02-25 05:34:36 PM  
1 votes:

timujin: Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.

Thing is, those might be service dogs.  I don't know about other states, but in California they have them for more than just blind people.  Apparently separation anxiety and agoraphobia are also valid reasons.  And there's nothing the manager can do about it anyway, if he asks and they say it's a service dog, that's the end of the conversation.  He can't even ask for documentation.


Thing is, they're not service dogs.  They're comfort animals.  Different thing. Doesn't carry the same protections.

Also, while you can't discriminate for certain specific reasons, you can refuse service to anyone without giving a reason.  "We don't want you as a customer.  No, it isn't the little rat you're carrying around.  No reason, really.  Just don't want you here.  Leave, or we'll call the cops and have you cited for trespassing."

Did it plenty of times working at a bar. Had some guy complain he wanted to "see the manager". I told him I'd give him the owner's contact info.  I wrote down the owner's name, phone number, my name, and said, "remember to tell him I called you a douchebag", and wrote at the bottom of the piece of paper DOUCHEBAG.  Handed it to him and told him to GTFO.

Ran in to the owner a couple of weeks later. "Ron, did you call a customer a douchebag?"  "Why yes, and in my desire to give thorough service, I wrote it down for him, too."
2013-02-25 04:21:04 PM  
1 votes:

FuzzyPinkMatrix: One stepdad's advice after ten years of stepparenting:

1. Kids aren't there to meet your needs; you're there to meet theirs. (Their actual needs, not the ones you wish they had, ya perv.)
2. You're never entitled to give or receive affection. It's a privilege.
3. Don't violate the above rule unless you're comfortable with the kid thinking of you as basically being a hug rapist.
4. Any kid who has stopped asking you to pick him or her up is too old to touch below the shoulder blades.
5. When the kid lets go, the hug ends. No exceptions.
6. The less you like these rules, the more you should probably follow them.


OMG I want to frame this and give it to my mother.
2013-02-25 04:20:19 PM  
1 votes:

LowbrowDeluxe: Strix occidentalis: Ugh.  Relatives who think they're just being affectionate are the worst.

I may look like I'm still twelve,

*clicks profile*

but I'm  twenty-three

How YOU doin'?

 and in a committed relationship.

Dammit.  So many clicks wasted, like tears in the rain....


Roy?
2013-02-25 04:20:11 PM  
1 votes:

andyofne: weave: [...] If she posts a cute pic on Facebook, I don't click like. Common sense stuff.


Uh, there's nothing wrong with clicking "like" on family pictures.

^^^ You  - are clueless. ^^^
2013-02-25 04:17:45 PM  
1 votes:

Kazrath: DROxINxTHExWIND: Dear Abby, how can you help me to convince them that I should be able to rub and touch them? Also, can you please give me validation by talking about how unreasonable they are being so that I can continue acting like an innocent old man who doesn't get it?

I don't think that is what he is complaining about.  I think he complaining due to the fact they never asked him to stop yet completely abandoned him.  I can fully understand where he is coming from.  You have a little girl that likes to throw her arms around you to get a hug, likes being picked up, or snuggling every time she see's you.  You become so used to the behavior it becomes a huge shock when all of a sudden out of the blue it is completely unwelcome because you still see her as that same little girl.  However, massaging is a little weird in "US" society.


This isn't what happened. Grandpa went way over the line one day and that's why they're keeping their distance. But he's not going to admit that to Abby now, is he?
2013-02-25 04:05:36 PM  
1 votes:

jayphat: But get the fark over yourself if you think a dog that is there to keep old people from offing themselves is a problem.


I go out of my way to shop at, give business to, etc establishments which are animal-friendly.  There are a few places near me which welcome dogs at the resturant (in the outside areas, yes, but none the less...).  The W hotels tend to allow dogs and cats (other animals at manager approval).  Etc, etc.

But ya know what?  They're still pets/friends/whatnot.  Why should someone in their 30s with a well-behaved animal not have the same ability to bring their dog in, as someone in their 80s?  The whole "service animal" thing has always bugged me...mostly because my dogs behave better than most of those "service animals" (which tend to be deformed little munchkin rat dogs) yet they're not allowed.  Maybe grandma and grandma shouldn't have changed society into a place where older generations are shunned - that was their generation's doing, after all.  My generation is forgiving them for it, and letting them move in with us in record numbers (something like 1/4 of the households with heads-of-households in their 30s or 40s also have a set of the parents of the heads-of-households now)...but the mess was started by them.  You're a worthless person if you don't have your own toys, cars, house, planet, moon, starbase, wine glass, winery, etc.

Woah, what a tangent...

Anyway, let them have their dogs.  I want mine too, though.
2013-02-25 03:52:58 PM  
1 votes:

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Virtuoso80: It seems to me like, when people get older, they just don't care anymore about certain things, and more about others. Kind of like, "I love my grandkids, and I want to hug them and be close to them. Phooey on being reserved, that's just silly. When you get old, you understand what's important in life, and value your family and the time you get to be with them." I honestly don't think the grandfather in this story means badly, I think it's just that kind of perspective.

Yeah, that, and we're now in a society that thanks to media and shifting cultural norms is hypersensitive to any perceived sexual impropriety.

A loving grandfather rubbing shoulders may be completely innocent (I think it is), but after a24 hour marathon of To Catch a Predator followed by a Paterno expose and a Catholic Priest interview, some people might change their perception of the shoulder rub.


I think it might have more to do with the fact that for many people, the only time you give any kind of massage is because the other person asks for it.  I'd give my dad a foot-rub if his feet were hurting at the end of the day.  I wouldn't just randomly sit down on the floor and start taking off his shoes and socks.
2013-02-25 03:50:30 PM  
1 votes:

Raug the Dwarf: There comes a time in your life when you have to realize that you'll never be a better person and never live up to your potential carrying around open wound that refuses to heal.  And you have to realize that this sore, this infection, is exactly what's keeping you from living your own life.  

Some people have to think of it in those terms.  If your arm is infected and necrotizing and it's killing you, you don't keep it and pray that it gets better and talk to it.  You cut it off and live the best life you can in your new state.

My family doesn't really have a problem cutting other family members off for good reason.  Just because you share genetic material with them, doesn't mean you have to love and care for them no matter what.  If they want to act like an enemy, then you treat them like one.


mhmm
It has been educational watching my other siblings deal with the same issue.
The ones who got help and cut off the arm did better. The ones that kept the arm, but were aware that it was infected, they were worse off, but at least aware that their arm was covered in cancer and starting to stink. The one who refused to even admit anything was wrong? well shock of shocks, they are completely dysfunctional and the cancer has spread to their whole body. They are now terrible to be around too. This is a surprise to no one but themselves.

was probably the hardest lesson that I learned in my life, but I mourned the passing of my mother then and there. she was dead to me. the person who was left living was this cancer on every one else. but I lived and moved on.

The hardest part has been watching my niece suffer this. Her mother and my mother might as well have been twins. So now my niece is starting to realize that she has this cancer on her arm. Does she cut it off or let it spread. Terrible to watch it spread from generation to generation.
2013-02-25 03:40:47 PM  
1 votes:

namatad: Lollipop165: My mother has some sort of depression. (my guess is manic depression).

When I was about 26 or so, I was sleeping over her house in my old bedroom after a night out with friends. I wake up and she's taking pictures of me. Pictures of me sleeping. I ask her to stop doing that. She continues. I tell her again. She continues. I yell at her "WTF is wrong with you? Get out! And she didn't speak to me for 3 months and then made me apologize to her.

She also had a habit of trying to snuggle in my bed with me, hold my hand as we walk down the street, and so on. Things that are just odd to do to a 30-something year old daughter. Or maybe I just think it is weird because I don't particularly like her. Her emotions are so unpredictable and erratic I can't take it any more - my friends tell me I should just walk away from the relationship but who the fark can do that to their sick mother?

I did. Took me 33 years and then a bunch of therapy.
I am STILL working on learning that it is NOT my job to fix people. Your mom is broken. Your are not her primary care giver. You cant fix her. The only thing that you CAN do is be supportive if and when she gets help and not let her cause damage in your life.

I had a sister tell me point blank that I HAD TO LOVE MY MOTHER. Really? No. No I do not.
That respect your elders/parents trap is so deadly, to so many, for so long.


There comes a time in your life when you have to realize that you'll never be a better person and never live up to your potential carrying around open wound that refuses to heal.  And you have to realize that this sore, this infection, is exactly what's keeping you from living your own life.  

Some people have to think of it in those terms.  If your arm is infected and necrotizing and it's killing you, you don't keep it and pray that it gets better and talk to it.  You cut it off and live the best life you can in your new state.

My family doesn't really have a problem cutting other family members off for good reason.  Just because you share genetic material with them, doesn't mean you have to love and care for them no matter what.  If they want to act like an enemy, then you treat them like one.
2013-02-25 03:38:48 PM  
1 votes:

wambu: I've raised three daughters and a granddaughter. Appropriate touch and affection versus their age is not at all difficult to figure out.

Unless you're a total creep like this guy.


you know what works for me with my nieces? I let them decide. The oldest used to RUN AND SCREAM and tackle hug me when I would come visit. Clearly, she was happy to see me. She is an "adult" now, so she is much more restrained. But I never had to worry about what was right or wrong, she set the boundary.

when the older person decides ... shudder .... creeps
2013-02-25 03:33:39 PM  
1 votes:

Lollipop165: My mother has some sort of depression. (my guess is manic depression).

When I was about 26 or so, I was sleeping over her house in my old bedroom after a night out with friends. I wake up and she's taking pictures of me. Pictures of me sleeping. I ask her to stop doing that. She continues. I tell her again. She continues. I yell at her "WTF is wrong with you? Get out! And she didn't speak to me for 3 months and then made me apologize to her.

She also had a habit of trying to snuggle in my bed with me, hold my hand as we walk down the street, and so on. Things that are just odd to do to a 30-something year old daughter. Or maybe I just think it is weird because I don't particularly like her. Her emotions are so unpredictable and erratic I can't take it any more - my friends tell me I should just walk away from the relationship but who the fark can do that to their sick mother?


I did. Took me 33 years and then a bunch of therapy.
I am STILL working on learning that it is NOT my job to fix people. Your mom is broken. Your are not her primary care giver. You cant fix her. The only thing that you CAN do is be supportive if and when she gets help and not let her cause damage in your life.

I had a sister tell me point blank that I HAD TO LOVE MY MOTHER. Really? No. No I do not.
That respect your elders/parents trap is so deadly, to so many, for so long.
2013-02-25 03:31:20 PM  
1 votes:

griffer: Oh, hai!

What's going on.....

Oh sweet jesus.

Spentmiles, you magnificent bastard.


this is one of those times im sort of proud to be accused of being spentmiles.
2013-02-25 03:30:50 PM  
1 votes:
I've raised three daughters and a granddaughter. Appropriate touch and affection versus their age is not at all difficult to figure out.

Unless you're a total creep like this guy.
2013-02-25 03:29:33 PM  
1 votes:

hdhale: Had similar issue with twin nieces.  Both crawled all over top of me when they were 7 and no problem expressing affection or receiving it (get your minds out of the gutter...).


Quit reading my mind!
2013-02-25 03:29:04 PM  
1 votes:

HatchetWound: spentmiles: .... Then it got weird.  ....


Wait ... are you saying it wasn't weird up to that point?!  If you felt everything was totally normal up to THAT point then I have a feeling your life story would make for some interesting reading!



Aaaaaaaaaaaaand another.....

I can't believe fitting a 10-inch diameter squash hasn't been a dead giveaway....
2013-02-25 03:07:15 PM  
1 votes:
My mom had an uncle who liked to smack my her and her sisters on the butt when they were kids.  He never thought anything was wrong with it because it was just his way of showing affection.  Of course, my mom hated it; she hated it when she was 4 and she sure as hell hated it when she was 14.  So, one Christmas when the entire family got together, my great uncle started his ass-smacking my routine and my mom finally turned on him and said, "Dave, if you ever do that to me again I will slap you."  My great uncle gets a big grin on his face and says, "sure you will, sweety."  Sure enough, as soon as my mom turns to walk away, he smacks her on the ass.  As my mom tells it, she spun around and slapped him like she was a major league pitcher - full wind-up.  It was loud enough that the entire house stopped what they were doing and came running into the living room to see what happened.  When the whole family saw my mom literally trembling with anger, and my great uncle dumbstruck with a big red imprint on his cheek, they where all aghast . . . at my mom for treating her uncle so disrespectfully.

This, my mom explained to me many times in my childhood, is why we never saw her side of the family during the holidays.
2013-02-25 03:03:30 PM  
1 votes:

namatad: The My Little Pony Killer: namatad: /dont get me started on my shrink's desire to talk about the hugging thing and my avoiding the TOPIC!! LOL

Why are you paying them then?

LOL
was there for 47 other things. will go back to deal with that one some day.
My guess is that it is a simple as my dysfunctional family never hugged and was all YELL AND SCREAM AND HIT. Knowing that, I have been able to move on and actually hug and be close to people. My guess is that my shrink would laugh at me and go "DUH!". (My shrink knows me way too well. LOL)


I just don't understand why you're so open with us about it, yet you won't tell the person you're paying for this sort of help. He might be trying to hint that the hug thing might have something to do with those 47 other things you're there for. Though I have to question his abilities if his reaction to the things you tell him is to laugh and say duh.
2013-02-25 02:52:30 PM  
1 votes:

vudukungfu: Moonfisher: Sorry, gramps, but once they start getting lumpy, it's time to tone down the touching.  My dad used to pinch our asses, which he thought was the height of hilarity.  I was the middle child of three girls, and he continued that crap from the time we were walking on up until we each walked out the door.  When we hit our teens and started dodging him and getting angry, he just thought it was funnier.  Jokes about our boobs were also apparently hilarious.  It was awesome being 12, feeling awkward about your budding breasts, and having a dad that made wisecracks that your were going to "give yourself a black eye with those things" whenever you ran, jumped rope, etc.

Dick.

EWEWEWEWEWEW ew EW
You just managed to creep out creepy Unka Vudu.
Yik


I watched my brother-in-law do this to my niece. It is what we adults call abuse. Strange, she has daddy issues now. What a SHOCK.

THEY might think that it is just joking and teasing, but they also think that bullying is good for people and they should just MAN UP.
Mental abuse is easily much worse than physical abuse (yes, your mileage may vary).
2013-02-25 02:44:23 PM  
1 votes:
Dear Abby:

My granddaughters' vaginas are becoming a little pungent for my tastes. Do I bring this up with my son at the next family gathering?
2013-02-25 02:36:04 PM  
1 votes:

namatad: 2KanZam: I am totally creeped out by anyone touching me that I don't want to sleep with.

We were never as a family very affectionate.  Before my mom died I remember plenty of hugs, dad and I have hugged a few times only after tragedies, but hell I'm 31 and I see my two older sisters once/twice a year and we only started huggin 2 years ago maybe?  ...and it feels awkward...

...so yes, massages from someone who is not a person's significant other always seemed creepy to me, and seemed to only be performed by creepy people.

/Granpa sounds like a creep
//creep

but
you also seem to have issues with contact and affection.
not picking on you
my family wasnt a big hugging family. probably all the yelling and screaming and beatings.

I now have friends which I hug and others that I dont. Over time I have increased the number who get hugs. I have also found that by getting rid of friends which I would NEVER hug that I am much happier person too.

/dont get me started on my shrink's desire to talk about the hugging thing and my avoiding the TOPIC!! LOL
/my guess is that if you saw a shrink and repeated what you wrote here, there would be some very insightful questions and thinking ...
/shudder


So, I don't get it...what exactly is this negative effect on my life that not hugging everyone is causing?  What am I fixing?

Seems to me that "fixing" this "issue" would only invite more unwanted people into my personal space...which is exactly what I am avoiding.

My point was: touching should happen only between two openly consenting individuals...and that not everyone's tolerance for such is at the same level (mine is very low), so it is generally best to be aware of that difference in people.

Did you learn anything today?
2013-02-25 02:28:00 PM  
1 votes:

Strix occidentalis: Ugh.  Relatives who think they're just being affectionate are the worst.


I may look like I'm still twelve,

*clicks profile*

but I'm  twenty-three

How YOU doin'?

 and in a committed relationship.


Dammit.  So many clicks wasted, like tears in the rain....
2013-02-25 02:21:34 PM  
1 votes:
Ugh.  Relatives who think they're just being affectionate are the worst.

/get your arm off the back of my chair; I'm not comfortable with anyone in that space who isn't my girlfriend
//don't pat me on the head when you walk past; I think you have me confused for your Shetland Sheepdog
///"I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable" my left foot. I may look like I'm still twelve, but I'm  twenty-three and in a committed relationship.  Entirely different social conventions apply now.
2013-02-25 02:21:04 PM  
1 votes:

PsiChick: Molavian: PsiChick: Molavian: PsiChick: Molavian: I dunno, I've got a couple of nieces who I probably shouldn't be hugging that give me enthusiastic hugs.  Of course, they're in their 20's.  I'm fairly sure one thinks it's a huge game to mess around with me or something.

Eh, they might just be huggy.  I'd probably register as fairly huggy to a guy, but on the girl scale I'm fairly calm about hugging. Most girls will hug everyone.

It was the smelling my neck and looking into my eyes with her arms draped over me, then telling me that I smelled great that creeped me out a bit.

...No, she's messing with you. And that's creepy.

I figured.  She's my niece by marriage, but still.  I've known her since she was a kid.  I'll have to come up with a good way to tease her out of doing it.

Stare back and say 'you too'?


1) this thread cracks me up
2) "you too" would probably work
3) try moving your chest left-right during the hug, rubbing her nipples

no wait, you wanted to STOP THIS ???

I have found that hugs are all about people that are comfortable about their own personal space.
As I have become more comfortable, hugs have increased. People who are happy to see me and I am happy to see get hugs. And we are all the happier for it.  (without the rubbing)
2013-02-25 02:11:15 PM  
1 votes:

The My Little Pony Killer: Virtuoso80: spentmiles: Then it got weird.

Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?

Stick around for a few more of his posts and it will all become clear to you.


That's exactly why I have him favorited.  Once I see one of his posts I immediately start skipping down the page looking for people that responded.
2013-02-25 02:09:05 PM  
1 votes:

rigamrts: does anyone realize it's grandma not gramps that has the massage fetish and where does abby get off by say they need professional mediation. abby why not tell the stupid biatch to stop groping them and except the fact they don't want to be touched that way.


abby has always been worthless for advice. ALWAYS
miss manners and dan savage are infinitely more useful
the idea that there might be something "wrong" with the girls rejecting him is hilarious.

"if the girls and parents agree"
ROFL .... DIAF .... oh wait, you are already dead


Most of the answers in this fark thread are infinitely more useful.
1) the girls think you are a creep
2) the girls are adults and associate what you are doing with sex and think you are a creep
3) the girls are typical teens and want nothing to do with their elders

poor little grandpa ... so confused why they dont want him to give them a bath too ??
LOL
2013-02-25 01:52:15 PM  
1 votes:
Can someone funnier than me submit a different article for the front page yet?
2013-02-25 01:24:40 PM  
1 votes:

Virtuoso80: This reminds me, there can be other issues with grandparents besides physical discomfort. My aforementioned 12-year-old niece has a hell of a time with her grandmother/my mother. We're not Jewish, but my mother can give a stereotypical Jewish-mother guilt trip with the best of them. My niece constantly feels like she's being criticized, can't do anything right, and always being demeaned (and I know how she feels).

When my sister beings it up with my mother, my mother dissolves into tears - "What! I never say anything bad to her! Oh, it bothers me so much that you feel that way! Ugh, I guess I'll just stop talking altogether, or maybe go off and die so you can be rid of me like you want!" I try my best to explain it, but she's in her 70's, and she ain't changing her ways now.


Had a grandma like that.  We eventually took to saying, "Well, there's a dark empty corner over there.  Try not to be too loud when you death rattle.  We're trying to watch a movie."

Fark 'em.  They don't have to quit trying to be a better person, they just gave up.  You don't HAVE to indulge them when they get like that.
2013-02-25 01:13:39 PM  
1 votes:
This reminds me, there can be other issues with grandparents besides physical discomfort. My aforementioned 12-year-old niece has a hell of a time with her grandmother/my mother. We're not Jewish, but my mother can give a stereotypical Jewish-mother guilt trip with the best of them. My niece constantly feels like she's being criticized, can't do anything right, and always being demeaned (and I know how she feels).

When my sister beings it up with my mother, my mother dissolves into tears - "What! I never say anything bad to her! Oh, it bothers me so much that you feel that way! Ugh, I guess I'll just stop talking altogether, or maybe go off and die so you can be rid of me like you want!" I try my best to explain it, but she's in her 70's, and she ain't changing her ways now.
2013-02-25 01:08:20 PM  
1 votes:

rigamrts: does anyone realize it's grandma not gramps that has the massage fetish and where does abby get off by say they need professional mediation. abby why not tell the stupid biatch to stop groping them and except the fact they don't want to be touched that way.


Do you think anyone realizes that you did not grasp what you read, but still took the bold step of trying to correct others based on your poor reading comprehension?
2013-02-25 01:01:28 PM  
1 votes:
Yeah, gramps...six people have "misinterpreted" your creepy gropy behavior so obviously they need to be straightened out.

/thafuk?
2013-02-25 12:54:51 PM  
1 votes:

Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.


No, but if you check what I just stated, if you honestly believe that a dog's feet are the filthiest thing to come in contact with your produce, then you are dreaming.
2013-02-25 12:38:54 PM  
1 votes:
I suggest that the granddaughters give their grandfather the love, respect and attention he deserves the way my Mother did when my Grandfather slapped her on the bum.

Chase him with a hot steam iron.

Hot iron. It's the only way a man will learn.
2013-02-25 12:27:54 PM  
1 votes:
What's with all the people giving backrubs to little kids? Are they really that stressed out?
2013-02-25 12:26:54 PM  
1 votes:

Jim_Callahan: The My Little Pony Killer: Eh, I'm going to argue that they don't get free reign to just start touching unless I say no. They should know at that age how to keep their hands to themselves, yes?

Depends where you are, I suppose.  In the old south, people will sometimes place a hand on your arm briefly when they're making a point, especially women.  And tapping someone on the shoulder to let them know you're there is considered significantly more polite than making noises until they acknowledge you.

When I moved to California, people didn't do either anymore.  And the throat-clearing shiat is actually significantly more annoying.

//People in my profession never touch each other because, y'know, experimental chemistry, we don't even shake hands in most situations.


The throat-clearing shiat is annoying to northerners too. We usually say something like "excuse me" to get somebody's attention. I don't need to be tapped on just because you feel like you need some attention from me.
2013-02-25 12:24:34 PM  
1 votes:

GalFriday: gets passed around for cheek kisses and farts on his belly.


We're talking raspberries right?  Because otherwise this is going to lead to very awkward family gatherings quite quickly.
2013-02-25 12:24:01 PM  
1 votes:
My dad is this kind of grandfather. He adores my daughter but sill sees her as six years old even though she is an adult. And he gets his feelings hurt when she takes issue with being treated like a child. And while he doesn't give her unwanted shoulder rubs, I know he misses having a little grandchild as a cuddle buddy.
2013-02-25 12:23:17 PM  
1 votes:

Virtuoso80: It seems to me like, when people get older, they just don't care anymore about certain things, and more about others. Kind of like, "I love my grandkids, and I want to hug them and be close to them. Phooey on being reserved, that's just silly. When you get old, you understand what's important in life, and value your family and the time you get to be with them." I honestly don't think the grandfather in this story means badly, I think it's just that kind of perspective.


I think it's fairly common for people to get pretty self-centered upon retirement.  Most things are about them (the elder).  I've seen it with my own father, who has somehow lost perspective of what it's like to be in the working world.  I've also seen it in my mother-in-law.

The grandpa in question here exhibits that same hardening of the world view.  He hasn't evolved in 20 years, and he expects his grandchildren not to have evolved.  It's absurd, and Abby-whoever let him off the hook way to easy.
2013-02-25 12:07:51 PM  
1 votes:

Virtuoso80: On the even more inappropriate side, I knew a women who was married to a guy who would chase their young daughters around their place naked, saying something like "The snake is coming to get you!" referring to his penis. She divorced him.


And hopefully received full custody?
2013-02-25 12:06:31 PM  
1 votes:
If the dude hasn't changed the way he treats them since they were little kids, of COURSE they are going to be uncomfortable. Nobody on the planet wants to be treated the same way as they where when they were little kids.

And nobody has ever been comfortable with anyone assuming they had a right to touch them at will. Gramps has a problem with boundaries, and reacts to boundaries being established by whining instead of showing some respect.
2013-02-25 11:56:16 AM  
1 votes:

Virtuoso80: spentmiles: Then it got weird.

Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?


an account created in 2004 and doesn't get it...priceless
2013-02-25 11:50:46 AM  
1 votes:
Yeah, saw the same thing between my daughter and father-in-law. He'd try pulling her onto his lap, waaay past the age where she was comfortable with it. That some people aren't able to figure this out amazes me.
2013-02-25 11:44:19 AM  
1 votes:
My male co-worker is always coming up behind me and giving me massages.  He always says, "You're so tense, let me work on you a little bit."  He has hands like a gorilla, so strong and penetrating.  I feel like he's massaging muscles in my chest when he's rubbing my back.

He tells me I have a great physique, but I lift too much because everything is in knots.  Then he does this thing where he rubs his hands in my hair, over my ears, down my jaw line, and then slides his ring fingers into my mouth, pulling the sides apart while admonishing me for not smiling more.  It's like he's trying to stretch my lips and mouth cavity wider and wider.  Sort of freaks me out, but I do carry a lot of stress in my jaw.

Then the other day he said he wanted me to give me a flexibility test.  He takes this long, giant squash out of his bag.  The neck on the thing is like ten inches in diameter.  He told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.  I was sort of flabbergasted, like I was at a hypnotist show, so I just followed along.  He then used a long cue-tip to rub some sort of numbing agent in the back of my throat.  I was terrified, and worse, he started working the neck of the squash into my mouth, pulling at my lips, and nudging it deeper and deeper.  My brain was saying, "spit it out, struggle, throw up!"  But I couldn't get my body to respond.  Somehow or another he got the entire thing down my throat without me gagging.

Then it got weird.  He took out the squash and sat in my lap, facing me, his legs flowing over the back of my buttocks and hips.  He just stared into my eyes with his arms draped over my shoulders.  It was like I was something to dote over, like a perfect vase he'd made at Craft Camp.  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, at least twenty minutes, and I felt what I can only describe as an anteater mulling around between us.

I feel really uncomfortable around him.  And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps.  I want to go because I don't have a lot of friends and I need to get out more, but the whole thing seems a little off.
2013-02-25 11:40:37 AM  
1 votes:
I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.
2013-02-25 11:40:24 AM  
1 votes:
Ok, I'm going to take the serious answer line on this one...

Had similar issue with twin nieces.  Both crawled all over top of me when they were 7 and no problem expressing affection or receiving it (get your minds out of the gutter...).  That included the neck and shoulder rubs and of course piggyback rides.  The piggyback rides stopped first...a combination of my lower back pain, their weight, and their starting to show lack of interest.  As for the neck and shoulder rubs, one (the younger one by 20 minutes) at age 11 or 12 decided that enough was enough and let me know about it.  We were good after that.  The "older" other let it go on for a while longer, mostly I think because she liked it, but also because I think she had this whole "now he's my uncle" thing going on with her "younger" sister because I tended to favor her more early on.  Of course the day finally arrived that the "older" niece wasn't so much interested anymore either, though she wasn't as direct as her sibling had been in letting me know.  I eventually took the "hint".

There's no exact age to stop, but asking permission is usually a good thing to do at some point early on and stop assuming they are ok with it (actually they may never be ok with it for various reasons...some kids are just not touchy people).  Odds are the day will arrive that they aren't ok with it anymore but "suffer" it anyway because they are afraid of hurting your feelings (if they are direct with you about it, you got lucky) or because they feel like they have to let you do it because an adult told them to obey you (about not getting into the ice cream or not abusing the Xbox controllers, not this obviously).  Avoid letting things get to that point, else you'll end up like the old guy in the story.  He should get used to the idea that he won't be seeing the kids again anytime soon.  Creepy grandpa is creepy and it will take them a long while to think of him otherwise.

/yes I keep in touch with both nieces now 17 and we're close, just not touchy close...though the younger one did insist on a neck rub the other day
2013-02-25 11:36:02 AM  
1 votes:
I think I found his picture.

i.crackedcdn.com
2013-02-25 11:26:25 AM  
1 votes:
Gramps,

There are plenty of 20-something women out there  with daddy issues who would be more than willing to be your jolly-dolly, in exchange for a little sugar. Lets give that a spin for a while, and maybe you won't be such a perv around the fam...m'Kay?

Abby
2013-02-25 11:22:33 AM  
1 votes:
Why can't some grandfathers just go fishing, watching the price its right and giving their grandchildren booze

/I had one of the best grandfathers ever
2013-02-25 11:21:32 AM  
1 votes:
When my niece was young, I treated her like a kid. She'd sit on my lap, lean against me, etc. Now that she's 12, we don't do that anymore. Perhaps 12 is a child still to a grandfather, but you should know that to a 12-year-old, perspective has changed.
2013-02-25 11:20:25 AM  
1 votes:
I saw an old dude at my church do this to our (female) priest yesterday.  When your priest squirms away and tells you she doesn't need her shoulders rubbed, you know it's awkward.
2013-02-25 11:19:21 AM  
1 votes:
Impossible to say from reading a tiny bit of one side. There are people out there who either just don't like any sort of contact, or even read something inappropriate into innocent gestures. Or gramps could be a perv.
2013-02-25 11:19:16 AM  
1 votes:
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
2013-02-25 11:17:07 AM  
1 votes:
Dear Abby,

My lithe, nubile, sixteen-year-old niece no longer wants to take bubble baths with me, nor does she want me to play doctor with her anymore. I feel like we're growing apart. What can I do?
2013-02-25 11:10:45 AM  
1 votes:

rigamrts: does anyone realize it's grandma not gramps that has the massage fetish and where does abby get off by say they need professional mediation. abby why not tell the stupid biatch to stop groping them and except the fact they don't want to be touched that way.


Read the first line again, it was written by a their doting grandFATHER.  As far as I know, the old man didn't transgendered.
2013-02-25 11:08:22 AM  
1 votes:
Creepy and old? Time to Renew!
2013-02-25 11:01:27 AM  
1 votes:
Dear Abby Dear Abby my Grandfather has nerve - He rubs up and down us like some kind of perv
2013-02-25 10:00:57 AM  
1 votes:
The only change is in their perception of my actions.

And the march of time, and their maturity.
2013-02-25 09:55:59 AM  
1 votes:
It wasn't so much the rubbing of the shoulders Gramps. However the going over the top, cupping their breasts, giving them a squeeze & saying "wow, I can't believe how big you're getting...." was a bit much.  You should be receiving the restraining order any day now...
2013-02-25 09:40:31 AM  
1 votes:
Is that you George?
 
Displayed 104 of 104 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report