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(Yahoo)   Dear Abby: My adult granddaughters have rejected me, feeling uncomfortable with the way I rub their shoulders and necks   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 366
    More: Obvious, Abigail Van Buren, adult granddaughters, Jeanne Phillips, Pauline Phillips, grandfather  
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28223 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Feb 2013 at 10:53 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-25 12:24:01 PM
My dad is this kind of grandfather. He adores my daughter but sill sees her as six years old even though she is an adult. And he gets his feelings hurt when she takes issue with being treated like a child. And while he doesn't give her unwanted shoulder rubs, I know he misses having a little grandchild as a cuddle buddy.
 
2013-02-25 12:24:22 PM
I heard Dear Abby has Alzheimer's.
 
2013-02-25 12:24:34 PM

GalFriday: gets passed around for cheek kisses and farts on his belly.


We're talking raspberries right?  Because otherwise this is going to lead to very awkward family gatherings quite quickly.
 
2013-02-25 12:24:47 PM
There is a whole lot of creepy in this thread.
 
2013-02-25 12:26:18 PM
Great response Abby, do your best to help enable gropy grampy.
 
2013-02-25 12:26:20 PM

spentmiles: My male co-worker is always coming up behind me and giving me massages.  He always says, "You're so tense, let me work on you a little bit."  He has hands like a gorilla, so strong and penetrating.  I feel like he's massaging muscles in my chest when he's rubbing my back.

He tells me I have a great physique, but I lift too much because everything is in knots.  Then he does this thing where he rubs his hands in my hair, over my ears, down my jaw line, and then slides his ring fingers into my mouth, pulling the sides apart while admonishing me for not smiling more.  It's like he's trying to stretch my lips and mouth cavity wider and wider.  Sort of freaks me out, but I do carry a lot of stress in my jaw.

Then the other day he said he wanted me to give me a flexibility test.  He takes this long, giant squash out of his bag.  The neck on the thing is like ten inches in diameter.  He told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.  I was sort of flabbergasted, like I was at a hypnotist show, so I just followed along.  He then used a long cue-tip to rub some sort of numbing agent in the back of my throat.  I was terrified, and worse, he started working the neck of the squash into my mouth, pulling at my lips, and nudging it deeper and deeper.  My brain was saying, "spit it out, struggle, throw up!"  But I couldn't get my body to respond.  Somehow or another he got the entire thing down my throat without me gagging.

Then it got weird.  He took out the squash and sat in my lap, facing me, his legs flowing over the back of my buttocks and hips.  He just stared into my eyes with his arms draped over my shoulders.  It was like I was something to dote over, like a perfect vase he'd made at Craft Camp.  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, at least twenty minutes, and I felt what I can only describe as an anteater mulling around between us.

I feel really uncomfortable around him.  And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps.  I want ...


If he is paying for the trip, you would be a fool not to take a free vacation.
 
2013-02-25 12:26:23 PM

italie: Virtuoso80: On the even more inappropriate side, I knew a women who was married to a guy who would chase their young daughters around their place naked, saying something like "The snake is coming to get you!" referring to his penis. She divorced him.

And hopefully received full custody.


Come on, you mean to tell me you never played "hide from the snake" with Daddy?

Seriously? Oh boy I'm just realizing I had a bad childhood.
 
2013-02-25 12:26:54 PM

Jim_Callahan: The My Little Pony Killer: Eh, I'm going to argue that they don't get free reign to just start touching unless I say no. They should know at that age how to keep their hands to themselves, yes?

Depends where you are, I suppose.  In the old south, people will sometimes place a hand on your arm briefly when they're making a point, especially women.  And tapping someone on the shoulder to let them know you're there is considered significantly more polite than making noises until they acknowledge you.

When I moved to California, people didn't do either anymore.  And the throat-clearing shiat is actually significantly more annoying.

//People in my profession never touch each other because, y'know, experimental chemistry, we don't even shake hands in most situations.


The throat-clearing shiat is annoying to northerners too. We usually say something like "excuse me" to get somebody's attention. I don't need to be tapped on just because you feel like you need some attention from me.
 
2013-02-25 12:27:09 PM

spentmiles: My male co-worker is always coming up behind me and giving me massages.  He always says, "You're so tense, let me work on you a little bit."  He has hands like a gorilla, so strong and penetrating.  I feel like he's massaging muscles in my chest when he's rubbing my back.

He tells me I have a great physique, but I lift too much because everything is in knots.  Then he does this thing where he rubs his hands in my hair, over my ears, down my jaw line, and then slides his ring fingers into my mouth, pulling the sides apart while admonishing me for not smiling more.  It's like he's trying to stretch my lips and mouth cavity wider and wider.  Sort of freaks me out, but I do carry a lot of stress in my jaw.

Then the other day he said he wanted me to give me a flexibility test.  He takes this long, giant squash out of his bag.  The neck on the thing is like ten inches in diameter.  He told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.  I was sort of flabbergasted, like I was at a hypnotist show, so I just followed along.  He then used a long cue-tip to rub some sort of numbing agent in the back of my throat.  I was terrified, and worse, he started working the neck of the squash into my mouth, pulling at my lips, and nudging it deeper and deeper.  My brain was saying, "spit it out, struggle, throw up!"  But I couldn't get my body to respond.  Somehow or another he got the entire thing down my throat without me gagging.

Then it got weird.  He took out the squash and sat in my lap, facing me, his legs flowing over the back of my buttocks and hips.  He just stared into my eyes with his arms draped over my shoulders.  It was like I was something to dote over, like a perfect vase he'd made at Craft Camp.  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, at least twenty minutes, and I felt what I can only describe as an anteater mulling around between us.

I feel really uncomfortable around him.  And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps.  I want ...


Sounds totally legit.
 
2013-02-25 12:27:54 PM
What's with all the people giving backrubs to little kids? Are they really that stressed out?
 
2013-02-25 12:28:10 PM

Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.


Thing is, those might be service dogs.  I don't know about other states, but in California they have them for more than just blind people.  Apparently separation anxiety and agoraphobia are also valid reasons.  And there's nothing the manager can do about it anyway, if he asks and they say it's a service dog, that's the end of the conversation.  He can't even ask for documentation.
 
2013-02-25 12:28:24 PM
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com

 My two adultgranddaughters have rejected me, their doting grandfather. Their father gave me this explanation: "They are uncomfortable with the teddy bears you gave them for Christmas."
 
2013-02-25 12:29:16 PM

moonage daydream: What's with all the people giving backrubs to little kids? Are they really that stressed out?


I've got nine nieces and nephews, and never once have I given a backrub.
 
2013-02-25 12:30:42 PM
Our extended family has taken the occasional Caribbean Cruise vacation together. I've managed to apply sunscreen (shoulders/backs) and had to re-tie the occasional loose bikini strap on my twenty-something nieces, all without getting a really weird boner.

I am the adventurous Uncle and find myself on the pool/sports deck with the nieces and nephews while most of the rest are wandering the Promenade deck.

Sexualized touching is, I think, defined more by intent than the actual physical action. Coincidentally, we are a 'hugs greeting' family.

As far as Gramps goes. I'm guessing he chose to ignore the 'lay off' signals one to many times.
 
2013-02-25 12:31:10 PM
s10.postimage.org

Awkward.
 
2013-02-25 12:31:25 PM
hdhale:
/yes I keep in touch with both nieces now 17 and we're close, just not touchy close...though the younger one did insist on a neck rub the other daywww.gifbin.com
 
2013-02-25 12:33:03 PM

Virtuoso80: I used to have a friend who, at around 20, would have his 16-year-old sister sit on his lap sometimes. Her and her older sister would sometimes sleep in the same bed together too. I don't think there was anything weird going on, just the way it was with their family.


www.gifbin.com
 
2013-02-25 12:33:22 PM

spentmiles: Then it got weird.  He took out the squash and sat in my lap, facing me, his legs flowing over the back of my buttocks and hips.  He just stared into my eyes with his arms draped over my shoulders.  It was like I was something to dote over, like a perfect vase he'd made at Craft Camp.  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, at least twenty minutes, and I felt what I can only describe as an anteater mulling around between us.

I feel really uncomfortable around him.  And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps.  I want to go because I don't have a lot of friends and I need to get out more, but the whole thing seems a little off.


i373.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-25 12:34:44 PM
If she doesn't like it, why does she get so wet?
 
2013-02-25 12:37:16 PM
Virtuoso80:  spentmiles: Then it got weird.
Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?

marketingforhippies.com
You're new here aren't you?
 
2013-02-25 12:38:54 PM
I suggest that the granddaughters give their grandfather the love, respect and attention he deserves the way my Mother did when my Grandfather slapped her on the bum.

Chase him with a hot steam iron.

Hot iron. It's the only way a man will learn.
 
2013-02-25 12:40:46 PM

Amos Quito: Andromeda: Amos Quito: Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?


You realize her daughter took over the column years ago when she got Alzheimer's disease, right?


Dear Abby's daughter has Alzheimer's?


Probably the only reason she thinks anyone cares what she thinks.
 
2013-02-25 12:42:59 PM
Dear creepy, dear creepy, you have no complaint...
 
2013-02-25 12:43:36 PM

InitialCommentGuy: GalFriday: gets passed around for cheek kisses and farts on his belly.

We're talking raspberries right?  Because otherwise this is going to lead to very awkward family gatherings quite quickly.


Waiting for a response. I have CPS on speed dial
 
2013-02-25 12:46:44 PM
Jenny's father was such a loving man.  He was always hugging and touching his daughters.
 
2013-02-25 12:47:15 PM
i remember when my grandpa used to bring us Popsicles. He made a game out of it where you had to stick the Popsicle down your throat and whoever did it the deepest and longest would get a shiny quarter. He never let us boys play, just the girls.
 
2013-02-25 12:50:57 PM

No Time To Explain: Why can't some grandfathers just go fishing, watching the price its right and giving their grandchildren booze

/I had one of the best grandfathers ever


Are we related?
 
2013-02-25 12:51:12 PM

peasants_are_revolting: olapbill: Amos Quito: Andromeda: Amos Quito: Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?


You realize her daughter took over the column years ago when she got Alzheimer's disease, right?


Dear Abby's daughter has Alzheimer's?

that would make for some fantastic advice .

Worked for Reagan.


Jellybeans
 
2013-02-25 12:51:43 PM
Don't worry, Roy . . . your nieces will still play with you.

snl.jt.org
 
2013-02-25 12:52:09 PM
I dunno, I've got a couple of nieces who I probably shouldn't be hugging that give me enthusiastic hugs.  Of course, they're in their 20's.  I'm fairly sure one thinks it's a huge game to mess around with me or something.
 
2013-02-25 12:52:33 PM

Virtuoso80: On the even more inappropriate side, I knew a women who was married to a guy who would chase their young daughters around their place naked, saying something like "The snake is coming to get you!" referring to his penis. She divorced him.


Well??? DID the snake get them?

I hate cliffhangers.
 
2013-02-25 12:52:54 PM
I knew a grandad who liked to give his granddaughters back rubs.  And by back, I mean boob.

When they complained to their parents, the perv's daughter told them it was no big deal and made them promise never to tell grandma, because she'd beat the holy hell out of grandpa for it.

/farked up families.  So much fun.
 
2013-02-25 12:52:55 PM

JohnAnnArbor: Virtuoso80: On the even more inappropriate side, I knew a women who was married to a guy who would chase their young daughters around their place naked, saying something like "The snake is coming to get you!" referring to his penis. She divorced him.

Hope she got full custody.


And that he went to prison for a very long time.
 
2013-02-25 12:53:55 PM
Ok grandpa 2 things
1) Backrubs happen on the outside
2)Backrubs are done with hands and nothing else.
 
2013-02-25 12:54:51 PM

Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.


No, but if you check what I just stated, if you honestly believe that a dog's feet are the filthiest thing to come in contact with your produce, then you are dreaming.
 
2013-02-25 12:54:56 PM

spentmiles: My male co-worker is always coming up behind me and giving me massages.  He always says, "You're so tense, let me work on you a little bit."  He has hands like a gorilla, so strong and penetrating.  I feel like he's massaging muscles in my chest when he's rubbing my back.

He tells me I have a great physique, but I lift too much because everything is in knots.  Then he does this thing where he rubs his hands in my hair, over my ears, down my jaw line, and then slides his ring fingers into my mouth, pulling the sides apart while admonishing me for not smiling more.  It's like he's trying to stretch my lips and mouth cavity wider and wider.  Sort of freaks me out, but I do carry a lot of stress in my jaw.

Then the other day he said he wanted me to give me a flexibility test.  He takes this long, giant squash out of his bag.  The neck on the thing is like ten inches in diameter.  He told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.  I was sort of flabbergasted, like I was at a hypnotist show, so I just followed along.  He then used a long cue-tip to rub some sort of numbing agent in the back of my throat.  I was terrified, and worse, he started working the neck of the squash into my mouth, pulling at my lips, and nudging it deeper and deeper.  My brain was saying, "spit it out, struggle, throw up!"  But I couldn't get my body to respond.  Somehow or another he got the entire thing down my throat without me gagging.

Then it got weird.  He took out the squash and sat in my lap, facing me, his legs flowing over the back of my buttocks and hips.  He just stared into my eyes with his arms draped over my shoulders.  It was like I was something to dote over, like a perfect vase he'd made at Craft Camp.  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, at least twenty minutes, and I felt what I can only describe as an anteater mulling around between us.

I feel really uncomfortable around him.  And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps.  I want ...


Should I gather from that is spentmiles is a broad?
 
2013-02-25 12:55:29 PM

Latinwolf: Virtuoso80:  spentmiles: Then it got weird.
Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?

[marketingforhippies.com image 291x291]
You're new here aren't you?


No. Just is serious mode, so not thinking/recognizing jokes. I troll on occasion myself.
 
2013-02-25 12:56:49 PM

No Time To Explain: Why can't some grandfathers just go fishing, watching the price its right and giving their grandchildren booze

/I had one of the best grandfathers ever


This.

My mom's dad took my brothers and I camping, taught us to fish, shoot, and many things my father didn't have the inclination to show us. Grandpa was one awesome dude.

The closest he ever came to "touching" one of us was a threat to put a boot up our backside when we were misbehaving. It never came to that.
 
2013-02-25 12:58:06 PM
Dear Abby: My teenage daughter has rejected me, feeling uncomfortable when we bathe together. I've been doing this since the day she was born, but she doesnt look foward to barh time the way she used to and she doesn't want anything to do with me. How do I throw away a family bond that has been cultivated for 15 years?


Confused father
 
2013-02-25 12:59:04 PM

Pants full of macaroni!!: JohnAnnArbor: Virtuoso80: On the even more inappropriate side, I knew a women who was married to a guy who would chase their young daughters around their place naked, saying something like "The snake is coming to get you!" referring to his penis. She divorced him.

Hope she got full custody.

And that he went to prison for a very long time.


Dunno. Lost contact. Just heard through the grapevine they got divorced, although prison probably would have been mentioned along with that so guessing no.
 
2013-02-25 12:59:46 PM

Skirl Hutsenreiter: I saw an old dude at my church do this to our (female) priest yesterday.  When your priest squirms away and tells you she doesn't need her shoulders rubbed, you know it's awkward.


Wow - that new Pope is sure changing a lot of things.
 
2013-02-25 01:01:28 PM
Yeah, gramps...six people have "misinterpreted" your creepy gropy behavior so obviously they need to be straightened out.

/thafuk?
 
2013-02-25 01:03:06 PM

InitialCommentGuy: GalFriday: gets passed around for cheek kisses and farts on his belly.

We're talking raspberries right?  Because otherwise this is going to lead to very awkward family gatherings quite quickly.


Yeah, raspberries.  I couldn't think of the word for it.  And we blow raspberries on his belly and then pretend he farted.  He gets a kick out of it and so does his 4 year old brother.
 
2013-02-25 01:03:39 PM

weave: What's the big problem gramps?   When my now-16 yo niece turned 13 she started looking like a real woman and I stopped treating her like a little kid and went into guarded mode.  If she wants a hug, she can initiate it.  If she posts a cute pic on Facebook, I don't click like. Common sense stuff.

It's not about you.  Obviously they feel a bit creeped out about it, so show some real love and back off.


Uh, there's nothing wrong with clicking "like" on family pictures.
 
2013-02-25 01:04:19 PM

MNguy: moonage daydream: What's with all the people giving backrubs to little kids? Are they really that stressed out?

I've got nine nieces and nephews, and never once have I given a backrub.


Thisity-this-this-this!
 
2013-02-25 01:06:44 PM

karnal: Dear Abby Dear Abby my Grandfather has nerve - He rubs up and down us like some kind of perv


Is that anyway to talk about your favorite POTUS?
 
2013-02-25 01:07:23 PM

Click to enlarge: Our extended family has taken the occasional Caribbean Cruise vacation together. I've managed to apply sunscreen (shoulders/backs) and had to re-tie the occasional loose bikini strap on my twenty-something nieces, all without getting a really weird boner.

I am the adventurous Uncle and find myself on the pool/sports deck with the nieces and nephews while most of the rest are wandering the Promenade deck.

Sexualized touching is, I think, defined more by intent than the actual physical action. Coincidentally, we are a 'hugs greeting' family.

As far as Gramps goes. I'm guessing he chose to ignore the 'lay off' signals one to many times.


So, you got a boner, but just not a "really weird" one.  Got it.
 
2013-02-25 01:07:28 PM

Master Sphincter: InitialCommentGuy: GalFriday: gets passed around for cheek kisses and farts on his belly.

We're talking raspberries right?  Because otherwise this is going to lead to very awkward family gatherings quite quickly.

Waiting for a response. I have CPS on speed dial


And how are you going to report me?  This person that may or may not be telling a true or false story about a real or possibly pretend family member made an awkward on a website that some people don't take seriously.
Please report me now!!!
 
2013-02-25 01:07:31 PM

MNguy: moonage daydream: What's with all the people giving backrubs to little kids? Are they really that stressed out?

I've got nine nieces and nephews, and never once have I given a backrub.


Nine?  They don't need your help, they could all do and be done by themselves in a circle.

/pix pls
 
2013-02-25 01:08:12 PM

Molavian: I dunno, I've got a couple of nieces who I probably shouldn't be hugging that give me enthusiastic hugs.  Of course, they're in their 20's.  I'm fairly sure one thinks it's a huge game to mess around with me or something.


Eh, they might just be huggy.  I'd probably register as fairly huggy to a guy, but on the girl scale I'm fairly calm about hugging. Most girls will hug everyone.
 
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