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(Yahoo)   Dear Abby: My adult granddaughters have rejected me, feeling uncomfortable with the way I rub their shoulders and necks   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 366
    More: Obvious, Abigail Van Buren, adult granddaughters, Jeanne Phillips, Pauline Phillips, grandfather  
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28224 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Feb 2013 at 10:53 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-25 09:23:07 AM
Stay above the clavicle, grandpa.
 
2013-02-25 09:26:30 AM
What's the big problem gramps?   When my now-16 yo niece turned 13 she started looking like a real woman and I stopped treating her like a little kid and went into guarded mode.  If she wants a hug, she can initiate it.  If she posts a cute pic on Facebook, I don't click like. Common sense stuff.

It's not about you.  Obviously they feel a bit creeped out about it, so show some real love and back off.
 
2013-02-25 09:40:24 AM
I feel violated just from reading that guys letter.
 
2013-02-25 09:40:31 AM
Is that you George?
 
2013-02-25 09:55:36 AM
Pic of gramps:

s16.postimage.org
 
2013-02-25 09:55:59 AM
It wasn't so much the rubbing of the shoulders Gramps. However the going over the top, cupping their breasts, giving them a squeeze & saying "wow, I can't believe how big you're getting...." was a bit much.  You should be receiving the restraining order any day now...
 
2013-02-25 10:00:57 AM
The only change is in their perception of my actions.

And the march of time, and their maturity.
 
2013-02-25 10:05:04 AM
Dear Abby: My teenage daughters have rejected me, feeling uncomfortable with the way I clean up after them when they urinate. I've been doing this since the day they were born, but suddenly they don't want anything to do with me. How do I throw away a family bond that has been cultivated for 13 years?
 
2013-02-25 10:54:35 AM

Recoil Therapy: It wasn't so much the rubbing of the shoulders Gramps. However the going over the top, cupping their breasts, giving them a squeeze & saying "wow, I can't believe how big you're getting...." was a bit much.  You should be receiving the restraining order any day now...


*16candlesgrandmagrope.jpg
 
2013-02-25 10:58:40 AM

jaylectricity: Dear Abby: My teenage daughters have rejected me, feeling uncomfortable with the way I clean up after them when they urinate. I've been doing this since the day they were born, but suddenly they don't want anything to do with me. How do I throw away a family bond that has been cultivated for 13 years?


FTFA:

These girls and both parents have misinterpreted my innocent expressions of affection, which haven't changed since the girls were little.

Yep, you nailed it.

Probably still wants to bounce them on his knee.  Liked it when they started getting slippery.
 
2013-02-25 11:00:44 AM

Fano: Recoil Therapy: It wasn't so much the rubbing of the shoulders Gramps. However the going over the top, cupping their breasts, giving them a squeeze & saying "wow, I can't believe how big you're getting...." was a bit much.  You should be receiving the restraining order any day now...

*16candlesgrandmagrope.jpg


images.quickblogcast.com

I had completely forgotten about that scene when I wrote the above

I have a feeling though that Gramps is more like LDD than he'd like to admit...

3.bp.blogspot.com

/hot like the 16 year old Molly was to me at the time
//still pretty good from what I've seen
 
2013-02-25 11:00:45 AM
i87.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-25 11:01:27 AM
Dear Abby Dear Abby my Grandfather has nerve - He rubs up and down us like some kind of perv
 
2013-02-25 11:01:42 AM
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
 
2013-02-25 11:01:59 AM
Isn't Dear Abby six feet under?
 
2013-02-25 11:02:04 AM
Damn gramps.
 
2013-02-25 11:03:01 AM
Rub'n the shoulders then hips and a peck on those lips.
Grandpa's needin sum lubbins.
 
2013-02-25 11:03:53 AM
does anyone realize it's grandma not gramps that has the massage fetish and where does abby get off by say they need professional mediation. abby why not tell the stupid biatch to stop groping them and except the fact they don't want to be touched that way.
 
2013-02-25 11:06:15 AM
I can sympathize. I was thrown out of my gym for taking pictures of teenage girls with my camera-pen. I just wanted to show those girls how beautiful they were. I'd post the pictures here, but I became so enraged for being kicked out, I threw was my pen and broke it.
 
2013-02-25 11:06:33 AM
Suddenly, I am reminded of Joey Tribbiani's tailor.
 
2013-02-25 11:07:21 AM
Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?
 
2013-02-25 11:08:22 AM
Creepy and old? Time to Renew!
 
2013-02-25 11:09:42 AM

Amos Quito: Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?


You realize her daughter took over the column years ago when she got Alzheimer's disease, right?  Next you're going to be shocked to hear that Jim Davis doesn't draw Garfield these days too.
 
x23
2013-02-25 11:10:34 AM

rigamrts: does anyone realize it's grandma not gramps that has the massage fetish and where does abby get off by say they need professional mediation. abby why not tell the stupid biatch to stop groping them and except the fact they don't want to be touched that way.



what?

Loving Grandfather Is Hurt By Sudden Silent Treatment
DEAR ABBY: My two adult granddaughters have rejected me, their doting grandfather.
[...]
-- GRIEVING GRANDDAD
 
so yeah... i am kinda curious how you came to the conclusion it is actually the grandmother.
 
2013-02-25 11:10:45 AM

rigamrts: does anyone realize it's grandma not gramps that has the massage fetish and where does abby get off by say they need professional mediation. abby why not tell the stupid biatch to stop groping them and except the fact they don't want to be touched that way.


Read the first line again, it was written by a their doting grandFATHER.  As far as I know, the old man didn't transgendered.
 
2013-02-25 11:14:18 AM

Andromeda: Amos Quito: Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?


You realize her daughter took over the column years ago when she got Alzheimer's disease, right?



Dear Abby's daughter has Alzheimer's?
 
2013-02-25 11:14:33 AM
Dear Abby, how can you help me to convince them that I should be able to rub and touch them? Also, can you please give me validation by talking about how unreasonable they are being so that I can continue acting like an innocent old man who doesn't get it?
 
2013-02-25 11:15:16 AM
Sounds like Gramps needs to stop giving them the "Sheila test".
 
2013-02-25 11:16:47 AM

Amos Quito: Dear Abby's daughter has Alzheimer's?


Stupid pronouns, they get me every time.
 
2013-02-25 11:17:07 AM
Dear Abby,

My lithe, nubile, sixteen-year-old niece no longer wants to take bubble baths with me, nor does she want me to play doctor with her anymore. I feel like we're growing apart. What can I do?
 
2013-02-25 11:19:16 AM
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
 
2013-02-25 11:19:21 AM
Impossible to say from reading a tiny bit of one side. There are people out there who either just don't like any sort of contact, or even read something inappropriate into innocent gestures. Or gramps could be a perv.
 
2013-02-25 11:20:25 AM
I saw an old dude at my church do this to our (female) priest yesterday.  When your priest squirms away and tells you she doesn't need her shoulders rubbed, you know it's awkward.
 
2013-02-25 11:21:32 AM
When my niece was young, I treated her like a kid. She'd sit on my lap, lean against me, etc. Now that she's 12, we don't do that anymore. Perhaps 12 is a child still to a grandfather, but you should know that to a 12-year-old, perspective has changed.
 
2013-02-25 11:22:33 AM
Why can't some grandfathers just go fishing, watching the price its right and giving their grandchildren booze

/I had one of the best grandfathers ever
 
2013-02-25 11:22:36 AM
An uncle I can see, but grandfather is just creepy.
 
2013-02-25 11:23:01 AM
That would make me uncomfortable too. Don't farking touch me . I don't care who you are.
 
2013-02-25 11:23:10 AM

Skirl Hutsenreiter: I saw an old dude at my church do this to our (female) priest yesterday.  When your priest squirms away and tells you she doesn't need her shoulders rubbed, you know it's awkward.


Awkward or sexy? There's a fine line, you know
 
2013-02-25 11:23:41 AM
Dear Askance: I work above a grocery store. At night, we borrow their carts (with their blessing) in order to help us take our garbage out in one trip.

ALWAYS WASH YOUR PRODUCE BEFORE YOU EAT IT.

Thanks, TMLPK
 
2013-02-25 11:26:25 AM
Gramps,

There are plenty of 20-something women out there  with daddy issues who would be more than willing to be your jolly-dolly, in exchange for a little sugar. Lets give that a spin for a while, and maybe you won't be such a perv around the fam...m'Kay?

Abby
 
2013-02-25 11:26:27 AM
*Bounce *Bounce* *Bounce*..."Uh oh. Ok, honey. You have to get off of Grandpa's lap for a little while. We have to take a short break."
 
2013-02-25 11:26:58 AM

weave: What's the big problem gramps?   When my now-16 yo niece turned 13 she started looking like a real woman and I stopped treating her like a little kid and went into guarded mode.  If she wants a hug, she can initiate it.  If she posts a cute pic on Facebook, I don't click like. Common sense stuff.


Obviously you need to respect what other people are comfortable with, but it sounds like you're afraid to hug your family members lest you be deemed a sexual predator, and that's a sad reflection on the state of our society.
 
2013-02-25 11:27:19 AM

No Time To Explain: Why can't some grandfathers just go fishing, watching the price its right and giving their grandchildren booze

/I had one of the best grandfathers ever


Did your Grandpa teach you to cuss?  Because my grandfather did all of the above listed things and taught us to cuss.  But NEVER in front of our grandmother.  Sometimes he would let us have a cigarette, too.
 
2013-02-25 11:29:15 AM
They found out gramps is a convicted sexual predator from the internet.
 
2013-02-25 11:29:43 AM
awwwwwwwkward.
 
2013-02-25 11:30:06 AM

jaylectricity: Stay above the clavicle, grandpa.


And below the knees!
 
2013-02-25 11:31:07 AM
It seems to me like, when people get older, they just don't care anymore about certain things, and more about others. Kind of like, "I love my grandkids, and I want to hug them and be close to them. Phooey on being reserved, that's just silly. When you get old, you understand what's important in life, and value your family and the time you get to be with them." I honestly don't think the grandfather in this story means badly, I think it's just that kind of perspective.
 
2013-02-25 11:31:09 AM

Virtuoso80: When my niece was young, I treated her like a kid. She'd sit on my lap, lean against me, etc. Now that she's 12, we don't do that anymore. Perhaps 12 is a child still to a grandfather, but you should know that to a 12-year-old, perspective has changed.


My oldest nephew is about half your niece's age (in your story, don't know about her IRL) and I allow him to be the one to initiate hugs now. He's a snuggly little guy. With his little brother (around 20 months) I go by body language, but I think it's just important for kids to understand that they do have rights to their bodies and don't need to submit just because some adult wants a hug.
 
2013-02-25 11:31:14 AM

Amos Quito: Andromeda: Amos Quito: Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?


You realize her daughter took over the column years ago when she got Alzheimer's disease, right?


Dear Abby's daughter has Alzheimer's?


that would make for some fantastic advice .
 
2013-02-25 11:33:03 AM

DROxINxTHExWIND: Dear Abby, how can you help me to convince them that I should be able to rub and touch them? Also, can you please give me validation by talking about how unreasonable they are being so that I can continue acting like an innocent old man who doesn't get it?


I don't think that is what he is complaining about.  I think he complaining due to the fact they never asked him to stop yet completely abandoned him.  I can fully understand where he is coming from.  You have a little girl that likes to throw her arms around you to get a hug, likes being picked up, or snuggling every time she see's you.  You become so used to the behavior it becomes a huge shock when all of a sudden out of the blue it is completely unwelcome because you still see her as that same little girl.  However, massaging is a little weird in "US" society.
 
2013-02-25 11:34:30 AM

digistil: Isn't Dear Abby six feet under?


The original Dear Abby is. However her daughter took over the column back in the mid-90s I want to say.
 
2013-02-25 11:35:36 AM

No Time To Explain: Why can't some grandfathers just go fishing, watching the price its right and giving their grandchildren booze

/I had one of the best grandfathers ever


You must not have thought it odd that after he gave you booze, you woke dressed for bed.

Skirl Hutsenreiter: I saw an old dude at my church do this to our (female) priest yesterday.  When your priest squirms away and tells you she doesn't need her shoulders rubbed, you know it's awkward.


Awkward would be a (male) priest squirms away, because you're now too old.

My bil's sister divorced her Southern Baptist minister husband, after discovering he was having an affair.  Her first clue was, he was giving the ladies at the church long awkward hugs, every Sunday.
 
2013-02-25 11:36:02 AM
I think I found his picture.

i.crackedcdn.com
 
2013-02-25 11:39:06 AM

GalFriday: No Time To Explain: Why can't some grandfathers just go fishing, watching the price its right and giving their grandchildren booze

/I had one of the best grandfathers ever

Did your Grandpa teach you to cuss?  Because my grandfather did all of the above listed things and taught us to cuss.  But NEVER in front of our grandmother.  Sometimes he would let us have a cigarette, too.


No, I only had one grandfather growing up and he taught me to lie, steal, commit arson, betrayal, and the fun of being disowned. It was only after both he, grandma, and my dad were dead that family members told us the reason why he hated my dad and us kids was because he really was not my our biological relative. Yeah grandma was a slut.
 
2013-02-25 11:39:30 AM

the_foo: weave: What's the big problem gramps?   When my now-16 yo niece turned 13 she started looking like a real woman and I stopped treating her like a little kid and went into guarded mode.  If she wants a hug, she can initiate it.  If she posts a cute pic on Facebook, I don't click like. Common sense stuff.

Obviously you need to respect what other people are comfortable with, but it sounds like you're afraid to hug your family members lest you be deemed a sexual predator, and that's a sad reflection on the state of our society.


My daughter is 12 1/2. I get the polite "lean in" hugs now. It hurts, but I get it, and so should gramps.
 
2013-02-25 11:40:24 AM
Ok, I'm going to take the serious answer line on this one...

Had similar issue with twin nieces.  Both crawled all over top of me when they were 7 and no problem expressing affection or receiving it (get your minds out of the gutter...).  That included the neck and shoulder rubs and of course piggyback rides.  The piggyback rides stopped first...a combination of my lower back pain, their weight, and their starting to show lack of interest.  As for the neck and shoulder rubs, one (the younger one by 20 minutes) at age 11 or 12 decided that enough was enough and let me know about it.  We were good after that.  The "older" other let it go on for a while longer, mostly I think because she liked it, but also because I think she had this whole "now he's my uncle" thing going on with her "younger" sister because I tended to favor her more early on.  Of course the day finally arrived that the "older" niece wasn't so much interested anymore either, though she wasn't as direct as her sibling had been in letting me know.  I eventually took the "hint".

There's no exact age to stop, but asking permission is usually a good thing to do at some point early on and stop assuming they are ok with it (actually they may never be ok with it for various reasons...some kids are just not touchy people).  Odds are the day will arrive that they aren't ok with it anymore but "suffer" it anyway because they are afraid of hurting your feelings (if they are direct with you about it, you got lucky) or because they feel like they have to let you do it because an adult told them to obey you (about not getting into the ice cream or not abusing the Xbox controllers, not this obviously).  Avoid letting things get to that point, else you'll end up like the old guy in the story.  He should get used to the idea that he won't be seeing the kids again anytime soon.  Creepy grandpa is creepy and it will take them a long while to think of him otherwise.

/yes I keep in touch with both nieces now 17 and we're close, just not touchy close...though the younger one did insist on a neck rub the other day
 
2013-02-25 11:40:37 AM
I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.
 
2013-02-25 11:42:27 AM

The My Little Pony Killer: Virtuoso80: When my niece was young, I treated her like a kid. She'd sit on my lap, lean against me, etc. Now that she's 12, we don't do that anymore. Perhaps 12 is a child still to a grandfather, but you should know that to a 12-year-old, perspective has changed.

My oldest nephew is about half your niece's age (in your story, don't know about her IRL) and I allow him to be the one to initiate hugs now. He's a snuggly little guy. With his little brother (around 20 months) I go by body language, but I think it's just important for kids to understand that they do have rights to their bodies and don't need to submit just because some adult wants a hug.


I can't say I went that far. When she was six and she was leaving from a monthly visit, we would all certainly expect hugs goodbye. And it would be find for me to say, "Where ya goin'? You for got hugs!", or something like that if she forgot.

It's different in different families. I used to have a friend who, at around 20, would have his 16-year-old sister sit on his lap sometimes. Her and her older sister would sometimes sleep in the same bed together too. I don't think there was anything weird going on, just the way it was with their family.
 
2013-02-25 11:44:19 AM
My male co-worker is always coming up behind me and giving me massages.  He always says, "You're so tense, let me work on you a little bit."  He has hands like a gorilla, so strong and penetrating.  I feel like he's massaging muscles in my chest when he's rubbing my back.

He tells me I have a great physique, but I lift too much because everything is in knots.  Then he does this thing where he rubs his hands in my hair, over my ears, down my jaw line, and then slides his ring fingers into my mouth, pulling the sides apart while admonishing me for not smiling more.  It's like he's trying to stretch my lips and mouth cavity wider and wider.  Sort of freaks me out, but I do carry a lot of stress in my jaw.

Then the other day he said he wanted me to give me a flexibility test.  He takes this long, giant squash out of his bag.  The neck on the thing is like ten inches in diameter.  He told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.  I was sort of flabbergasted, like I was at a hypnotist show, so I just followed along.  He then used a long cue-tip to rub some sort of numbing agent in the back of my throat.  I was terrified, and worse, he started working the neck of the squash into my mouth, pulling at my lips, and nudging it deeper and deeper.  My brain was saying, "spit it out, struggle, throw up!"  But I couldn't get my body to respond.  Somehow or another he got the entire thing down my throat without me gagging.

Then it got weird.  He took out the squash and sat in my lap, facing me, his legs flowing over the back of my buttocks and hips.  He just stared into my eyes with his arms draped over my shoulders.  It was like I was something to dote over, like a perfect vase he'd made at Craft Camp.  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, at least twenty minutes, and I felt what I can only describe as an anteater mulling around between us.

I feel really uncomfortable around him.  And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps.  I want to go because I don't have a lot of friends and I need to get out more, but the whole thing seems a little off.
 
2013-02-25 11:46:40 AM

The My Little Pony Killer: Dear Askance: I work above a grocery store. At night, we borrow their carts (with their blessing) in order to help us take our garbage out in one trip.

ALWAYS WASH YOUR PRODUCE BEFORE YOU EAT IT.

Thanks, TMLPK


Quite true. Just last night I observed a grocery store employee using a cart for collecting bags of garbage from the cans in the parking lot.
 
2013-02-25 11:46:58 AM
A guide for old people:

Touching arms/shoulders while talking: appropriate, unless it makes someone specifically uncomfortable and they mention it.

Any motion that can be described as "rubbing": no.  Stop.  Apparently this was fine in the 1940s and 1950s since all of you bloody well do it, but it hasn't been socially acceptable since, so quit it.
 
2013-02-25 11:48:48 AM

Virtuoso80: The My Little Pony Killer: Virtuoso80: When my niece was young, I treated her like a kid. She'd sit on my lap, lean against me, etc. Now that she's 12, we don't do that anymore. Perhaps 12 is a child still to a grandfather, but you should know that to a 12-year-old, perspective has changed.

My oldest nephew is about half your niece's age (in your story, don't know about her IRL) and I allow him to be the one to initiate hugs now. He's a snuggly little guy. With his little brother (around 20 months) I go by body language, but I think it's just important for kids to understand that they do have rights to their bodies and don't need to submit just because some adult wants a hug.

I can't say I went that far. When she was six and she was leaving from a monthly visit, we would all certainly expect hugs goodbye. And it would be find for me to say, "Where ya goin'? You for got hugs!", or something like that if she forgot.

It's different in different families. I used to have a friend who, at around 20, would have his 16-year-old sister sit on his lap sometimes. Her and her older sister would sometimes sleep in the same bed together too. I don't think there was anything weird going on, just the way it was with their family.


Don't get me wrong, they're not in a sterile environment when it comes to affection.  When I want hugs from the little guy, I'll ask him for them, but it's ultimately up to him if he wants to be touched or not. Luckily for me, he ALWAYS wants a hug.
 
2013-02-25 11:49:19 AM
Pedos live forever, but not so little girls
 
2013-02-25 11:49:25 AM
So don't do that sh*t.  Next?
 
2013-02-25 11:50:46 AM
Yeah, saw the same thing between my daughter and father-in-law. He'd try pulling her onto his lap, waaay past the age where she was comfortable with it. That some people aren't able to figure this out amazes me.
 
2013-02-25 11:50:58 AM

GalFriday: No Time To Explain: Why can't some grandfathers just go fishing, watching the price its right and giving their grandchildren booze

/I had one of the best grandfathers ever

Did your Grandpa teach you to cuss?  Because my grandfather did all of the above listed things and taught us to cuss.  But NEVER in front of our grandmother.  Sometimes he would let us have a cigarette, too.


I don't remember him teaching me, if I remember, I picked it up from parents, just never said it in front of them

/gramps was ok with me swearing too, just not within earshot of parents or sister
//she was a tattletale, still is at out age
 
2013-02-25 11:51:56 AM

Jim_Callahan: A guide for old people:

Touching arms/shoulders while talking: appropriate, unless it makes someone specifically uncomfortable and they mention it.

Any motion that can be described as "rubbing": no.  Stop.  Apparently this was fine in the 1940s and 1950s since all of you bloody well do it, but it hasn't been socially acceptable since, so quit it.


Eh, I'm going to argue that they don't get free reign to just start touching unless I say no. They should know at that age how to keep their hands to themselves, yes?
 
2013-02-25 11:52:06 AM

spentmiles: Then it got weird.


Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?
 
2013-02-25 11:52:16 AM

UberDave: Pic of gramps:

[s16.postimage.org image 240x164]


Came for this. Leaving satisfied.

/You boys want some popsicles?
//I got some popsicles in the cellar.
 
2013-02-25 11:53:31 AM

Virtuoso80: The My Little Pony Killer: Virtuoso80:
It's different in different families. I used to have a friend who, at around 20, would have his 16-year-old sister sit on his lap sometimes. Her and her older sister would sometimes sleep in the same bed together too. I don't think there was anything weird going on, just the way it was with their family.


It is different for each family.  We were never made to hug and kiss people when we were growing up, but my cousin insists that all three of children give each person in the room a hug and a kiss when they leave.  The 10 year old doesn't like it, but their dad stands there and says, "hugs and kisses or we aren't leaving."  I always tell the little girl that she doesn't have to hug me if she doesn't want to and my brothers tell her the same thing, sometimes we will reach out for a handshake and tell her it is OK not to hug and kiss everyone.  Her dad gets REALLY mad when we do that!  It is really awkward for her.
Now, the 18 month old baby....he has kissy cheeks and gets passed around for cheek kisses and farts on his belly.
 
2013-02-25 11:53:50 AM
any pics of the adult granddaughters?
 
2013-02-25 11:53:53 AM

the_foo: Impossible to say from reading a tiny bit of one side. There are people out there who either just don't like any sort of contact, or even read something inappropriate into innocent gestures. Or gramps could be a perv.


Who cares?  They don't like being touched, end of story.
 
2013-02-25 11:56:15 AM

Virtuoso80: spentmiles: Then it got weird.

Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?


Stick around for a few more of his posts and it will all become clear to you.
 
2013-02-25 11:56:16 AM

Virtuoso80: spentmiles: Then it got weird.

Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?


an account created in 2004 and doesn't get it...priceless
 
2013-02-25 11:56:44 AM
On the even more inappropriate side, I knew a women who was married to a guy who would chase their young daughters around their place naked, saying something like "The snake is coming to get you!" referring to his penis. She divorced him.
 
2013-02-25 11:57:10 AM

The My Little Pony Killer: Virtuoso80: spentmiles: Then it got weird.

Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?

Stick around for a few more of his posts and it will all become clear to you.


ah dude missed my first multipost by 1 second...interwebs high five?
 
2013-02-25 11:57:33 AM

spentmiles: Then it got weird.


Go on...
 
2013-02-25 12:00:56 PM

Heathen: The My Little Pony Killer: Virtuoso80: spentmiles: Then it got weird.

Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?

Stick around for a few more of his posts and it will all become clear to you.

ah dude missed my first multipost by 1 second...interwebs high five?


www.topcultured.com

/this is the closest I've been to a simulpost as well
 
2013-02-25 12:01:04 PM
Came here for 16 candles...
leaving satisfied
 
2013-02-25 12:06:04 PM

olapbill: Amos Quito: Andromeda: Amos Quito: Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?


You realize her daughter took over the column years ago when she got Alzheimer's disease, right?


Dear Abby's daughter has Alzheimer's?

that would make for some fantastic advice .


Worked for Reagan.
 
2013-02-25 12:06:31 PM
If the dude hasn't changed the way he treats them since they were little kids, of COURSE they are going to be uncomfortable. Nobody on the planet wants to be treated the same way as they where when they were little kids.

And nobody has ever been comfortable with anyone assuming they had a right to touch them at will. Gramps has a problem with boundaries, and reacts to boundaries being established by whining instead of showing some respect.
 
2013-02-25 12:06:41 PM

braedan: jaylectricity: Stay above the clavicle, grandpa.

And below the knees!



i64.photobucket.com
Would you give a guy a foot massage?
 
2013-02-25 12:07:51 PM

Virtuoso80: On the even more inappropriate side, I knew a women who was married to a guy who would chase their young daughters around their place naked, saying something like "The snake is coming to get you!" referring to his penis. She divorced him.


And hopefully received full custody?
 
2013-02-25 12:11:10 PM

hdhale: Ok, I'm going to take the serious answer line on this one...

Had similar issue with twin nieces.  Both crawled all over top of me when they were 7 and no problem expressing affection or receiving it (get your minds out of the gutter...).  That included the neck and shoulder rubs and of course piggyback rides.  The piggyback rides stopped first...a combination of my lower back pain, their weight, and their starting to show lack of interest.  As for the neck and shoulder rubs, one (the younger one by 20 minutes) at age 11 or 12 decided that enough was enough and let me know about it.  We were good after that.  The "older" other let it go on for a while longer, mostly I think because she liked it, but also because I think she had this whole "now he's my uncle" thing going on with her "younger" sister because I tended to favor her more early on.  Of course the day finally arrived that the "older" niece wasn't so much interested anymore either, though she wasn't as direct as her sibling had been in letting me know.  I eventually took the "hint".

There's no exact age to stop, but asking permission is usually a good thing to do at some point early on and stop assuming they are ok with it (actually they may never be ok with it for various reasons...some kids are just not touchy people).  Odds are the day will arrive that they aren't ok with it anymore but "suffer" it anyway because they are afraid of hurting your feelings (if they are direct with you about it, you got lucky) or because they feel like they have to let you do it because an adult told them to obey you (about not getting into the ice cream or not abusing the Xbox controllers, not this obviously).  Avoid letting things get to that point, else you'll end up like the old guy in the story.  He should get used to the idea that he won't be seeing the kids again anytime soon.  Creepy grandpa is creepy and it will take them a long while to think of him otherwise.

/yes I keep in touch with both nieces now 17 and we'r ...


www.rockarchive.com
 
2013-02-25 12:12:08 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: Eh, I'm going to argue that they don't get free reign to just start touching unless I say no. They should know at that age how to keep their hands to themselves, yes?


Depends where you are, I suppose.  In the old south, people will sometimes place a hand on your arm briefly when they're making a point, especially women.  And tapping someone on the shoulder to let them know you're there is considered significantly more polite than making noises until they acknowledge you.

When I moved to California, people didn't do either anymore.  And the throat-clearing shiat is actually significantly more annoying.

//People in my profession never touch each other because, y'know, experimental chemistry, we don't even shake hands in most situations.
 
2013-02-25 12:14:22 PM
After doing some research I have found the identity of "grieving grampa"

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-25 12:14:45 PM

Virtuoso80: spentmiles: Then it got weird.

Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?


you are not that new here, geebuz.
 
2013-02-25 12:15:16 PM
Would of been a better story if it was the grandmother.
 
2013-02-25 12:15:58 PM
I have some nieces under age 10.  I get all the back rubbing and hugging and kissing in that I can now because it'll be all too soon when I can't do that anymore.  Hopefully, years down the road, all that gets replaced by other fun with them and, if I'm lucky, they have some kids of their own and it starts all over again.

Granddad has to learn one simple lesson:  Things don't stay the same forever.  A smooth player moves with the times or moves on.
 
2013-02-25 12:16:10 PM

Jim_Callahan: A guide for old people:

Touching arms/shoulders while talking: appropriate, unless it makes someone specifically uncomfortable and they mention it.

Any motion that can be described as "rubbing": no.  Stop.  Apparently this was fine in the 1940s and 1950s since all of you bloody well do it, but it hasn't been socially acceptable since, so quit it.


My grandma just used to pinch me when no one was looking. I finally put a stop to that shiat. She drove four hours to visit us one time, and I locked her out, just laughed at her through the window of the front door. We both froze for a second, having apparently thought of the back door at the same time. Well, as it turns out, a five-year-old can run through the house and lock the back door quicker than grandma can make it into the backyard and up onto the back porch.

That was the last time she came to visit. Now I hear she's in a nursing home with Alzheimer's, but I've never come by to find out.
 
2013-02-25 12:17:44 PM

karmaceutical: hdhale: Ok, I'm going to take the serious answer line on this one...

Had similar issue with twin nieces.  Both crawled all over top of me when they were 7 and no problem expressing affection or receiving it (get your minds out of the gutter...).  That included the neck and shoulder rubs and of course piggyback rides.  The piggyback rides stopped first...a combination of my lower back pain, their weight, and their starting to show lack of interest.  As for the neck and shoulder rubs, one (the younger one by 20 minutes) at age 11 or 12 decided that enough was enough and let me know about it.  We were good after that.  The "older" other let it go on for a while longer, mostly I think because she liked it, but also because I think she had this whole "now he's my uncle" thing going on with her "younger" sister because I tended to favor her more early on.  Of course the day finally arrived that the "older" niece wasn't so much interested anymore either, though she wasn't as direct as her sibling had been in letting me know.  I eventually took the "hint".

There's no exact age to stop, but asking permission is usually a good thing to do at some point early on and stop assuming they are ok with it (actually they may never be ok with it for various reasons...some kids are just not touchy people).  Odds are the day will arrive that they aren't ok with it anymore but "suffer" it anyway because they are afraid of hurting your feelings (if they are direct with you about it, you got lucky) or because they feel like they have to let you do it because an adult told them to obey you (about not getting into the ice cream or not abusing the Xbox controllers, not this obviously).  Avoid letting things get to that point, else you'll end up like the old guy in the story.  He should get used to the idea that he won't be seeing the kids again anytime soon.  Creepy grandpa is creepy and it will take them a long while to think of him otherwise.

/yes I keep in touch with both nieces now 17 ...


Go fark yourself.

/oh and have a nice day!
 
2013-02-25 12:18:54 PM
Uh, don't you all realize that Dear Abby letters are either fake, or embellished to make them more interesting?  It may be based on some truth, but it almost certainly didn't go down the way it's printed.
 
2013-02-25 12:19:47 PM

Virtuoso80: On the even more inappropriate side, I knew a women who was married to a guy who would chase their young daughters around their place naked, saying something like "The snake is coming to get you!" referring to his penis. She divorced him.


Hope she got full custody.
 
2013-02-25 12:22:16 PM

greentea1985: digistil: Isn't Dear Abby six feet under?

The original Dear Abby is. However her daughter took over the column back in the mid-90s I want to say.


I hear her daughter has Alzheimers, sad.
 
2013-02-25 12:22:38 PM
Spentmiles

My male co.....


This is why I favorited you so long ago!
 
2013-02-25 12:23:17 PM

Virtuoso80: It seems to me like, when people get older, they just don't care anymore about certain things, and more about others. Kind of like, "I love my grandkids, and I want to hug them and be close to them. Phooey on being reserved, that's just silly. When you get old, you understand what's important in life, and value your family and the time you get to be with them." I honestly don't think the grandfather in this story means badly, I think it's just that kind of perspective.


I think it's fairly common for people to get pretty self-centered upon retirement.  Most things are about them (the elder).  I've seen it with my own father, who has somehow lost perspective of what it's like to be in the working world.  I've also seen it in my mother-in-law.

The grandpa in question here exhibits that same hardening of the world view.  He hasn't evolved in 20 years, and he expects his grandchildren not to have evolved.  It's absurd, and Abby-whoever let him off the hook way to easy.
 
2013-02-25 12:23:29 PM
DEAR ABBY:My two adult  granddaughters have rejected me, their learing grandfather. Their father gave me this explanation: "They are uncomfortable with the way you rub their shoulders and necks while moaning incessantly and playing with something in your pocket."

These girls and both parents have misinterpreted my attempts to broaden their horizons and push the ridiculous societal boundaries of incest and affection, which haven't changed since the girls were little. The only change is in their perception of my actions and their now unwillingness to participate.

I am devastated and quite frankly very very horny now. I asked twice to meet with these family members at the local swingers club to discuss their concerns and hopefully get things rolling again. It has been three months; no meeting time has been offered and if it wasn't for that frisky high schooler down the street there would be trouble. There has been no fun contact, and neither girl has called me or sexted me for any reason this year.

I can't just stop lusting after those with whom I have developed 20-years of bondage photos and mutual affection. How can this rupture be repaired? -- GRIEVING (and backed up) GRANDDAD
 
2013-02-25 12:23:39 PM

blunto: Uh, don't you all realize that Dear Abby letters are either fake, or embellished to make them more interesting?  It may be based on some truth, but it almost certainly didn't go down the way it's printed.


What's implausible about this one?
 
2013-02-25 12:23:51 PM

this immediately came to mind



Link
 
2013-02-25 12:24:01 PM
Dear Abby:

When my granddaughters were young, they used to love playing with Wrinkles The Clown.  They'd spend hours fishing around in my trousers for 'Ol Wrinkles, bring him out, give him little kisses and play dressup with a collection of small hats and vests I had made.

The last time I saw them, Thanksgiving 2009, Wrinkles came out to play, but they were "too old" to join in the fun, and threw quite a bit of a kerfuffle.  That broke Wrinkles' heart.  Now he just sits here, lifeless and droopy, like he's lost the will to live.   Abby, what should I do?


Signed,

Inmate 2202984
Slasenger County Jail
Special Offenders Unit
 
2013-02-25 12:24:01 PM
My dad is this kind of grandfather. He adores my daughter but sill sees her as six years old even though she is an adult. And he gets his feelings hurt when she takes issue with being treated like a child. And while he doesn't give her unwanted shoulder rubs, I know he misses having a little grandchild as a cuddle buddy.
 
2013-02-25 12:24:22 PM
I heard Dear Abby has Alzheimer's.
 
2013-02-25 12:24:34 PM

GalFriday: gets passed around for cheek kisses and farts on his belly.


We're talking raspberries right?  Because otherwise this is going to lead to very awkward family gatherings quite quickly.
 
2013-02-25 12:24:47 PM
There is a whole lot of creepy in this thread.
 
2013-02-25 12:26:18 PM
Great response Abby, do your best to help enable gropy grampy.
 
2013-02-25 12:26:20 PM

spentmiles: My male co-worker is always coming up behind me and giving me massages.  He always says, "You're so tense, let me work on you a little bit."  He has hands like a gorilla, so strong and penetrating.  I feel like he's massaging muscles in my chest when he's rubbing my back.

He tells me I have a great physique, but I lift too much because everything is in knots.  Then he does this thing where he rubs his hands in my hair, over my ears, down my jaw line, and then slides his ring fingers into my mouth, pulling the sides apart while admonishing me for not smiling more.  It's like he's trying to stretch my lips and mouth cavity wider and wider.  Sort of freaks me out, but I do carry a lot of stress in my jaw.

Then the other day he said he wanted me to give me a flexibility test.  He takes this long, giant squash out of his bag.  The neck on the thing is like ten inches in diameter.  He told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.  I was sort of flabbergasted, like I was at a hypnotist show, so I just followed along.  He then used a long cue-tip to rub some sort of numbing agent in the back of my throat.  I was terrified, and worse, he started working the neck of the squash into my mouth, pulling at my lips, and nudging it deeper and deeper.  My brain was saying, "spit it out, struggle, throw up!"  But I couldn't get my body to respond.  Somehow or another he got the entire thing down my throat without me gagging.

Then it got weird.  He took out the squash and sat in my lap, facing me, his legs flowing over the back of my buttocks and hips.  He just stared into my eyes with his arms draped over my shoulders.  It was like I was something to dote over, like a perfect vase he'd made at Craft Camp.  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, at least twenty minutes, and I felt what I can only describe as an anteater mulling around between us.

I feel really uncomfortable around him.  And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps.  I want ...


If he is paying for the trip, you would be a fool not to take a free vacation.
 
2013-02-25 12:26:23 PM

italie: Virtuoso80: On the even more inappropriate side, I knew a women who was married to a guy who would chase their young daughters around their place naked, saying something like "The snake is coming to get you!" referring to his penis. She divorced him.

And hopefully received full custody.


Come on, you mean to tell me you never played "hide from the snake" with Daddy?

Seriously? Oh boy I'm just realizing I had a bad childhood.
 
2013-02-25 12:26:54 PM

Jim_Callahan: The My Little Pony Killer: Eh, I'm going to argue that they don't get free reign to just start touching unless I say no. They should know at that age how to keep their hands to themselves, yes?

Depends where you are, I suppose.  In the old south, people will sometimes place a hand on your arm briefly when they're making a point, especially women.  And tapping someone on the shoulder to let them know you're there is considered significantly more polite than making noises until they acknowledge you.

When I moved to California, people didn't do either anymore.  And the throat-clearing shiat is actually significantly more annoying.

//People in my profession never touch each other because, y'know, experimental chemistry, we don't even shake hands in most situations.


The throat-clearing shiat is annoying to northerners too. We usually say something like "excuse me" to get somebody's attention. I don't need to be tapped on just because you feel like you need some attention from me.
 
2013-02-25 12:27:09 PM

spentmiles: My male co-worker is always coming up behind me and giving me massages.  He always says, "You're so tense, let me work on you a little bit."  He has hands like a gorilla, so strong and penetrating.  I feel like he's massaging muscles in my chest when he's rubbing my back.

He tells me I have a great physique, but I lift too much because everything is in knots.  Then he does this thing where he rubs his hands in my hair, over my ears, down my jaw line, and then slides his ring fingers into my mouth, pulling the sides apart while admonishing me for not smiling more.  It's like he's trying to stretch my lips and mouth cavity wider and wider.  Sort of freaks me out, but I do carry a lot of stress in my jaw.

Then the other day he said he wanted me to give me a flexibility test.  He takes this long, giant squash out of his bag.  The neck on the thing is like ten inches in diameter.  He told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.  I was sort of flabbergasted, like I was at a hypnotist show, so I just followed along.  He then used a long cue-tip to rub some sort of numbing agent in the back of my throat.  I was terrified, and worse, he started working the neck of the squash into my mouth, pulling at my lips, and nudging it deeper and deeper.  My brain was saying, "spit it out, struggle, throw up!"  But I couldn't get my body to respond.  Somehow or another he got the entire thing down my throat without me gagging.

Then it got weird.  He took out the squash and sat in my lap, facing me, his legs flowing over the back of my buttocks and hips.  He just stared into my eyes with his arms draped over my shoulders.  It was like I was something to dote over, like a perfect vase he'd made at Craft Camp.  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, at least twenty minutes, and I felt what I can only describe as an anteater mulling around between us.

I feel really uncomfortable around him.  And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps.  I want ...


Sounds totally legit.
 
2013-02-25 12:27:54 PM
What's with all the people giving backrubs to little kids? Are they really that stressed out?
 
2013-02-25 12:28:10 PM

Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.


Thing is, those might be service dogs.  I don't know about other states, but in California they have them for more than just blind people.  Apparently separation anxiety and agoraphobia are also valid reasons.  And there's nothing the manager can do about it anyway, if he asks and they say it's a service dog, that's the end of the conversation.  He can't even ask for documentation.
 
2013-02-25 12:28:24 PM
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com

 My two adultgranddaughters have rejected me, their doting grandfather. Their father gave me this explanation: "They are uncomfortable with the teddy bears you gave them for Christmas."
 
2013-02-25 12:29:16 PM

moonage daydream: What's with all the people giving backrubs to little kids? Are they really that stressed out?


I've got nine nieces and nephews, and never once have I given a backrub.
 
2013-02-25 12:30:42 PM
Our extended family has taken the occasional Caribbean Cruise vacation together. I've managed to apply sunscreen (shoulders/backs) and had to re-tie the occasional loose bikini strap on my twenty-something nieces, all without getting a really weird boner.

I am the adventurous Uncle and find myself on the pool/sports deck with the nieces and nephews while most of the rest are wandering the Promenade deck.

Sexualized touching is, I think, defined more by intent than the actual physical action. Coincidentally, we are a 'hugs greeting' family.

As far as Gramps goes. I'm guessing he chose to ignore the 'lay off' signals one to many times.
 
2013-02-25 12:31:10 PM
s10.postimage.org

Awkward.
 
2013-02-25 12:31:25 PM
hdhale:
/yes I keep in touch with both nieces now 17 and we're close, just not touchy close...though the younger one did insist on a neck rub the other daywww.gifbin.com
 
2013-02-25 12:33:03 PM

Virtuoso80: I used to have a friend who, at around 20, would have his 16-year-old sister sit on his lap sometimes. Her and her older sister would sometimes sleep in the same bed together too. I don't think there was anything weird going on, just the way it was with their family.


www.gifbin.com
 
2013-02-25 12:33:22 PM

spentmiles: Then it got weird.  He took out the squash and sat in my lap, facing me, his legs flowing over the back of my buttocks and hips.  He just stared into my eyes with his arms draped over my shoulders.  It was like I was something to dote over, like a perfect vase he'd made at Craft Camp.  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, at least twenty minutes, and I felt what I can only describe as an anteater mulling around between us.

I feel really uncomfortable around him.  And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps.  I want to go because I don't have a lot of friends and I need to get out more, but the whole thing seems a little off.


i373.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-25 12:34:44 PM
If she doesn't like it, why does she get so wet?
 
2013-02-25 12:37:16 PM
Virtuoso80:  spentmiles: Then it got weird.
Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?

marketingforhippies.com
You're new here aren't you?
 
2013-02-25 12:38:54 PM
I suggest that the granddaughters give their grandfather the love, respect and attention he deserves the way my Mother did when my Grandfather slapped her on the bum.

Chase him with a hot steam iron.

Hot iron. It's the only way a man will learn.
 
2013-02-25 12:40:46 PM

Amos Quito: Andromeda: Amos Quito: Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?


You realize her daughter took over the column years ago when she got Alzheimer's disease, right?


Dear Abby's daughter has Alzheimer's?


Probably the only reason she thinks anyone cares what she thinks.
 
2013-02-25 12:42:59 PM
Dear creepy, dear creepy, you have no complaint...
 
2013-02-25 12:43:36 PM

InitialCommentGuy: GalFriday: gets passed around for cheek kisses and farts on his belly.

We're talking raspberries right?  Because otherwise this is going to lead to very awkward family gatherings quite quickly.


Waiting for a response. I have CPS on speed dial
 
2013-02-25 12:46:44 PM
Jenny's father was such a loving man.  He was always hugging and touching his daughters.
 
2013-02-25 12:47:15 PM
i remember when my grandpa used to bring us Popsicles. He made a game out of it where you had to stick the Popsicle down your throat and whoever did it the deepest and longest would get a shiny quarter. He never let us boys play, just the girls.
 
2013-02-25 12:50:57 PM

No Time To Explain: Why can't some grandfathers just go fishing, watching the price its right and giving their grandchildren booze

/I had one of the best grandfathers ever


Are we related?
 
2013-02-25 12:51:12 PM

peasants_are_revolting: olapbill: Amos Quito: Andromeda: Amos Quito: Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?


You realize her daughter took over the column years ago when she got Alzheimer's disease, right?


Dear Abby's daughter has Alzheimer's?

that would make for some fantastic advice .

Worked for Reagan.


Jellybeans
 
2013-02-25 12:51:43 PM
Don't worry, Roy . . . your nieces will still play with you.

snl.jt.org
 
2013-02-25 12:52:09 PM
I dunno, I've got a couple of nieces who I probably shouldn't be hugging that give me enthusiastic hugs.  Of course, they're in their 20's.  I'm fairly sure one thinks it's a huge game to mess around with me or something.
 
2013-02-25 12:52:33 PM

Virtuoso80: On the even more inappropriate side, I knew a women who was married to a guy who would chase their young daughters around their place naked, saying something like "The snake is coming to get you!" referring to his penis. She divorced him.


Well??? DID the snake get them?

I hate cliffhangers.
 
2013-02-25 12:52:54 PM
I knew a grandad who liked to give his granddaughters back rubs.  And by back, I mean boob.

When they complained to their parents, the perv's daughter told them it was no big deal and made them promise never to tell grandma, because she'd beat the holy hell out of grandpa for it.

/farked up families.  So much fun.
 
2013-02-25 12:52:55 PM

JohnAnnArbor: Virtuoso80: On the even more inappropriate side, I knew a women who was married to a guy who would chase their young daughters around their place naked, saying something like "The snake is coming to get you!" referring to his penis. She divorced him.

Hope she got full custody.


And that he went to prison for a very long time.
 
2013-02-25 12:53:55 PM
Ok grandpa 2 things
1) Backrubs happen on the outside
2)Backrubs are done with hands and nothing else.
 
2013-02-25 12:54:51 PM

Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.


No, but if you check what I just stated, if you honestly believe that a dog's feet are the filthiest thing to come in contact with your produce, then you are dreaming.
 
2013-02-25 12:54:56 PM

spentmiles: My male co-worker is always coming up behind me and giving me massages.  He always says, "You're so tense, let me work on you a little bit."  He has hands like a gorilla, so strong and penetrating.  I feel like he's massaging muscles in my chest when he's rubbing my back.

He tells me I have a great physique, but I lift too much because everything is in knots.  Then he does this thing where he rubs his hands in my hair, over my ears, down my jaw line, and then slides his ring fingers into my mouth, pulling the sides apart while admonishing me for not smiling more.  It's like he's trying to stretch my lips and mouth cavity wider and wider.  Sort of freaks me out, but I do carry a lot of stress in my jaw.

Then the other day he said he wanted me to give me a flexibility test.  He takes this long, giant squash out of his bag.  The neck on the thing is like ten inches in diameter.  He told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.  I was sort of flabbergasted, like I was at a hypnotist show, so I just followed along.  He then used a long cue-tip to rub some sort of numbing agent in the back of my throat.  I was terrified, and worse, he started working the neck of the squash into my mouth, pulling at my lips, and nudging it deeper and deeper.  My brain was saying, "spit it out, struggle, throw up!"  But I couldn't get my body to respond.  Somehow or another he got the entire thing down my throat without me gagging.

Then it got weird.  He took out the squash and sat in my lap, facing me, his legs flowing over the back of my buttocks and hips.  He just stared into my eyes with his arms draped over my shoulders.  It was like I was something to dote over, like a perfect vase he'd made at Craft Camp.  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, at least twenty minutes, and I felt what I can only describe as an anteater mulling around between us.

I feel really uncomfortable around him.  And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps.  I want ...


Should I gather from that is spentmiles is a broad?
 
2013-02-25 12:55:29 PM

Latinwolf: Virtuoso80:  spentmiles: Then it got weird.
Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?

[marketingforhippies.com image 291x291]
You're new here aren't you?


No. Just is serious mode, so not thinking/recognizing jokes. I troll on occasion myself.
 
2013-02-25 12:56:49 PM

No Time To Explain: Why can't some grandfathers just go fishing, watching the price its right and giving their grandchildren booze

/I had one of the best grandfathers ever


This.

My mom's dad took my brothers and I camping, taught us to fish, shoot, and many things my father didn't have the inclination to show us. Grandpa was one awesome dude.

The closest he ever came to "touching" one of us was a threat to put a boot up our backside when we were misbehaving. It never came to that.
 
2013-02-25 12:58:06 PM
Dear Abby: My teenage daughter has rejected me, feeling uncomfortable when we bathe together. I've been doing this since the day she was born, but she doesnt look foward to barh time the way she used to and she doesn't want anything to do with me. How do I throw away a family bond that has been cultivated for 15 years?


Confused father
 
2013-02-25 12:59:04 PM

Pants full of macaroni!!: JohnAnnArbor: Virtuoso80: On the even more inappropriate side, I knew a women who was married to a guy who would chase their young daughters around their place naked, saying something like "The snake is coming to get you!" referring to his penis. She divorced him.

Hope she got full custody.

And that he went to prison for a very long time.


Dunno. Lost contact. Just heard through the grapevine they got divorced, although prison probably would have been mentioned along with that so guessing no.
 
2013-02-25 12:59:46 PM

Skirl Hutsenreiter: I saw an old dude at my church do this to our (female) priest yesterday.  When your priest squirms away and tells you she doesn't need her shoulders rubbed, you know it's awkward.


Wow - that new Pope is sure changing a lot of things.
 
2013-02-25 01:01:28 PM
Yeah, gramps...six people have "misinterpreted" your creepy gropy behavior so obviously they need to be straightened out.

/thafuk?
 
2013-02-25 01:03:06 PM

InitialCommentGuy: GalFriday: gets passed around for cheek kisses and farts on his belly.

We're talking raspberries right?  Because otherwise this is going to lead to very awkward family gatherings quite quickly.


Yeah, raspberries.  I couldn't think of the word for it.  And we blow raspberries on his belly and then pretend he farted.  He gets a kick out of it and so does his 4 year old brother.
 
2013-02-25 01:03:39 PM

weave: What's the big problem gramps?   When my now-16 yo niece turned 13 she started looking like a real woman and I stopped treating her like a little kid and went into guarded mode.  If she wants a hug, she can initiate it.  If she posts a cute pic on Facebook, I don't click like. Common sense stuff.

It's not about you.  Obviously they feel a bit creeped out about it, so show some real love and back off.


Uh, there's nothing wrong with clicking "like" on family pictures.
 
2013-02-25 01:04:19 PM

MNguy: moonage daydream: What's with all the people giving backrubs to little kids? Are they really that stressed out?

I've got nine nieces and nephews, and never once have I given a backrub.


Thisity-this-this-this!
 
2013-02-25 01:06:44 PM

karnal: Dear Abby Dear Abby my Grandfather has nerve - He rubs up and down us like some kind of perv


Is that anyway to talk about your favorite POTUS?
 
2013-02-25 01:07:23 PM

Click to enlarge: Our extended family has taken the occasional Caribbean Cruise vacation together. I've managed to apply sunscreen (shoulders/backs) and had to re-tie the occasional loose bikini strap on my twenty-something nieces, all without getting a really weird boner.

I am the adventurous Uncle and find myself on the pool/sports deck with the nieces and nephews while most of the rest are wandering the Promenade deck.

Sexualized touching is, I think, defined more by intent than the actual physical action. Coincidentally, we are a 'hugs greeting' family.

As far as Gramps goes. I'm guessing he chose to ignore the 'lay off' signals one to many times.


So, you got a boner, but just not a "really weird" one.  Got it.
 
2013-02-25 01:07:28 PM

Master Sphincter: InitialCommentGuy: GalFriday: gets passed around for cheek kisses and farts on his belly.

We're talking raspberries right?  Because otherwise this is going to lead to very awkward family gatherings quite quickly.

Waiting for a response. I have CPS on speed dial


And how are you going to report me?  This person that may or may not be telling a true or false story about a real or possibly pretend family member made an awkward on a website that some people don't take seriously.
Please report me now!!!
 
2013-02-25 01:07:31 PM

MNguy: moonage daydream: What's with all the people giving backrubs to little kids? Are they really that stressed out?

I've got nine nieces and nephews, and never once have I given a backrub.


Nine?  They don't need your help, they could all do and be done by themselves in a circle.

/pix pls
 
2013-02-25 01:08:12 PM

Molavian: I dunno, I've got a couple of nieces who I probably shouldn't be hugging that give me enthusiastic hugs.  Of course, they're in their 20's.  I'm fairly sure one thinks it's a huge game to mess around with me or something.


Eh, they might just be huggy.  I'd probably register as fairly huggy to a guy, but on the girl scale I'm fairly calm about hugging. Most girls will hug everyone.
 
2013-02-25 01:08:20 PM

rigamrts: does anyone realize it's grandma not gramps that has the massage fetish and where does abby get off by say they need professional mediation. abby why not tell the stupid biatch to stop groping them and except the fact they don't want to be touched that way.


Do you think anyone realizes that you did not grasp what you read, but still took the bold step of trying to correct others based on your poor reading comprehension?
 
2013-02-25 01:08:32 PM
Dear Gramps-

It isn't so much the hugs or the shoulder rubs that are creeping your granddaughters out, but rather the enormous erection that you sport as you do so...

-Abby
 
2013-02-25 01:12:22 PM
I think we need pics of the granddaughters before making any sort of judgement
 
2013-02-25 01:13:39 PM
This reminds me, there can be other issues with grandparents besides physical discomfort. My aforementioned 12-year-old niece has a hell of a time with her grandmother/my mother. We're not Jewish, but my mother can give a stereotypical Jewish-mother guilt trip with the best of them. My niece constantly feels like she's being criticized, can't do anything right, and always being demeaned (and I know how she feels).

When my sister beings it up with my mother, my mother dissolves into tears - "What! I never say anything bad to her! Oh, it bothers me so much that you feel that way! Ugh, I guess I'll just stop talking altogether, or maybe go off and die so you can be rid of me like you want!" I try my best to explain it, but she's in her 70's, and she ain't changing her ways now.
 
2013-02-25 01:14:11 PM

PsiChick: Molavian: I dunno, I've got a couple of nieces who I probably shouldn't be hugging that give me enthusiastic hugs.  Of course, they're in their 20's.  I'm fairly sure one thinks it's a huge game to mess around with me or something.

Eh, they might just be huggy.  I'd probably register as fairly huggy to a guy, but on the girl scale I'm fairly calm about hugging. Most girls will hug everyone.


It was the smelling my neck and looking into my eyes with her arms draped over me, then telling me that I smelled great that creeped me out a bit.
 
2013-02-25 01:14:33 PM
Your honor, my client CANNOT be guilty of inappropriate touching.

Why, you can see here by his carefully-crafted "Should I Not Have Done That?" letter to Dear Abby that his intentions were nothing but honorable all along.
 
2013-02-25 01:16:44 PM

Recoil Therapy: It wasn't so much the rubbing of the shoulders Gramps. However the going over the top, cupping their breasts, giving them a squeeze & saying "wow, I can't believe how big you're getting...." was a bit much.  You should be receiving the restraining order any day now...


Maybe he was only helping them check for lumps?
 
2013-02-25 01:17:44 PM

Molavian: PsiChick: Molavian: I dunno, I've got a couple of nieces who I probably shouldn't be hugging that give me enthusiastic hugs.  Of course, they're in their 20's.  I'm fairly sure one thinks it's a huge game to mess around with me or something.

Eh, they might just be huggy.  I'd probably register as fairly huggy to a guy, but on the girl scale I'm fairly calm about hugging. Most girls will hug everyone.

It was the smelling my neck and looking into my eyes with her arms draped over me, then telling me that I smelled great that creeped me out a bit.


...No, she's messing with you. And that's creepy.
 
2013-02-25 01:20:05 PM

jaylectricity: Dear Abby: My teenage daughters have rejected me, feeling uncomfortable with the way I clean up after them when they urinate. I've been doing this since the day they were born, but suddenly they don't want anything to do with me. How do I throw away a family bond that has been cultivated for 13 years?


LOL nice
 
2013-02-25 01:20:46 PM

ferretman: Recoil Therapy: It wasn't so much the rubbing of the shoulders Gramps. However the going over the top, cupping their breasts, giving them a squeeze & saying "wow, I can't believe how big you're getting...." was a bit much.  You should be receiving the restraining order any day now...

Maybe he was only helping them check for lumps?


t0.gstatic.com
 
2013-02-25 01:21:54 PM
"Grandpa!  It's time for your medicine."

"B-but, but that's a hammer!"

"Go into it easy, old man."

THWACK

"Damn it, it's stuck in his skull.  Why is it so easy to cave in an old man's head with a hammer, but so damn hard to get it out again?  I'm not messing with this.  Honey, go get my machete out from behind the bed.  The extra iron will help the head sink faster."

"Here's the hammer honey.  Wow, you <i>are</i> really horny."

"Oh Jesus.  His brain is still warm.  Here, hold on to the piece and pull.  Make some room in there so I can get it deeper."

"Wow, for all the brains, he sure didn't have much to say!"

"Here comes the putty, grandpa!"

"Oh Jesus!  It's coming out of his nose!  That's hilarious."

"Get the camera!"
 
2013-02-25 01:22:49 PM

Virtuoso80: The My Little Pony Killer: Virtuoso80: When my niece was young, I treated her like a kid. She'd sit on my lap, lean against me, etc. Now that she's 12, we don't do that anymore. Perhaps 12 is a child still to a grandfather, but you should know that to a 12-year-old, perspective has changed.

My oldest nephew is about half your niece's age (in your story, don't know about her IRL) and I allow him to be the one to initiate hugs now. He's a snuggly little guy. With his little brother (around 20 months) I go by body language, but I think it's just important for kids to understand that they do have rights to their bodies and don't need to submit just because some adult wants a hug.

I can't say I went that far. When she was six and she was leaving from a monthly visit, we would all certainly expect hugs goodbye. And it would be find for me to say, "Where ya goin'? You for got hugs!", or something like that if she forgot.

It's different in different families. I used to have a friend who, at around 20, would have his 16-year-old sister sit on his lap sometimes. Her and her older sister would sometimes sleep in the same bed together too. I don't think there was anything weird going on, just the way it was with their family.


I stood up in a wedding with a girl that did the same exact thing with her brother.  They were both in their mid 20's.  That was some creepy shiat right there.

/hot bridesmaid
//can't believe I got cock blocked by her own brother
 
2013-02-25 01:24:12 PM

Andromeda: Amos Quito: Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?

You realize her daughter took over the column years ago when she got Alzheimer's disease, right?  Next you're going to be shocked to hear that Jim Davis doesn't draw Garfield these days too.


Did Jim Davis also retire because of Alzheimer's?  Because that would explain a lot.

Come to think of it, Garfield probably isn't drawn at all.  It's probably composed of Garfield clipart and randomly generated dialog.
 
2013-02-25 01:24:40 PM

Virtuoso80: This reminds me, there can be other issues with grandparents besides physical discomfort. My aforementioned 12-year-old niece has a hell of a time with her grandmother/my mother. We're not Jewish, but my mother can give a stereotypical Jewish-mother guilt trip with the best of them. My niece constantly feels like she's being criticized, can't do anything right, and always being demeaned (and I know how she feels).

When my sister beings it up with my mother, my mother dissolves into tears - "What! I never say anything bad to her! Oh, it bothers me so much that you feel that way! Ugh, I guess I'll just stop talking altogether, or maybe go off and die so you can be rid of me like you want!" I try my best to explain it, but she's in her 70's, and she ain't changing her ways now.


Had a grandma like that.  We eventually took to saying, "Well, there's a dark empty corner over there.  Try not to be too loud when you death rattle.  We're trying to watch a movie."

Fark 'em.  They don't have to quit trying to be a better person, they just gave up.  You don't HAVE to indulge them when they get like that.
 
2013-02-25 01:24:53 PM
There are a lot of nieces getting back rubs in here.
 
2013-02-25 01:25:21 PM

PsiChick: Molavian: PsiChick: Molavian: I dunno, I've got a couple of nieces who I probably shouldn't be hugging that give me enthusiastic hugs.  Of course, they're in their 20's.  I'm fairly sure one thinks it's a huge game to mess around with me or something.

Eh, they might just be huggy.  I'd probably register as fairly huggy to a guy, but on the girl scale I'm fairly calm about hugging. Most girls will hug everyone.

It was the smelling my neck and looking into my eyes with her arms draped over me, then telling me that I smelled great that creeped me out a bit.

...No, she's messing with you. And that's creepy.


Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeird.  Ew.  Time for a little talk with her parents?
 
2013-02-25 01:28:14 PM
i didnt know there was such a thing as a nonsexual neckrub
 
2013-02-25 01:28:47 PM

JohnCarter: These girls and both parents have misinterpreted my attempts to broaden their horizons and push the ridiculous societal boundaries of incest and affection


What's scary is that I know a dude who, replacing "incest" with something like "age limits," would actually use that precise argument without a single trace of irony.

/haven't had a thing to do with him for ten years
//dude was weeeeeeird
 
2013-02-25 01:29:10 PM
I wonder how grandpa would feel if he had a brother who was always trying to give him unsolicited neck massages?

It's creepy, dude. If it makes them uncomfortable, respect their personal space. You don't need to grope someone to show you that you care about them.
 
2013-02-25 01:32:18 PM

Amos Quito: Andromeda: Amos Quito: Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?


You realize her daughter took over the column years ago when she got Alzheimer's disease, right?


Dear Abby's daughter has Alzheimer's?





The poor girl
 
2013-02-25 01:32:20 PM

cosmiquemuffin:


Does the person who made that animated gif realize that Back To The Future was in color?
 
2013-02-25 01:32:27 PM

Virtuoso80: Latinwolf: Virtuoso80:  spentmiles: Then it got weird.
Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?

[marketingforhippies.com image 291x291]
You're new here aren't you?

No. Just is serious mode, so not thinking/recognizing jokes. I troll on occasion myself.


Hint for future: dont't favorite spentmiles so that you can scroll through a thread and then hit something crazy in a medium sized wall of text, only to laugh and scroll back up to see who it was
 
2013-02-25 01:35:39 PM
Tumunga: Should I gather from that is spentmiles is a broad?

Spentmiles transcends sex and gender.
 
2013-02-25 01:36:04 PM

MNguy: the_foo: Impossible to say from reading a tiny bit of one side. There are people out there who either just don't like any sort of contact, or even read something inappropriate into innocent gestures. Or gramps could be a perv.

Who cares?  They don't like being touched, end of story.


Yes, of course he should have stopped if they said anything or looked uncomfortable. But if he wasn't doing anything inappropriate and they never indicated didn't like it, and now he may never see his grandkids again, that sucks. If he *was* doing something inappropriate, then fark him, I'm just not snarking to that conclusion like most people were.
 
2013-02-25 01:36:07 PM

PsiChick: Molavian: PsiChick: Molavian: I dunno, I've got a couple of nieces who I probably shouldn't be hugging that give me enthusiastic hugs.  Of course, they're in their 20's.  I'm fairly sure one thinks it's a huge game to mess around with me or something.

Eh, they might just be huggy.  I'd probably register as fairly huggy to a guy, but on the girl scale I'm fairly calm about hugging. Most girls will hug everyone.

It was the smelling my neck and looking into my eyes with her arms draped over me, then telling me that I smelled great that creeped me out a bit.

...No, she's messing with you. And that's creepy.


I figured.  She's my niece by marriage, but still.  I've known her since she was a kid.  I'll have to come up with a good way to tease her out of doing it.
 
2013-02-25 01:39:19 PM

Molavian: PsiChick: Molavian: PsiChick: Molavian: I dunno, I've got a couple of nieces who I probably shouldn't be hugging that give me enthusiastic hugs.  Of course, they're in their 20's.  I'm fairly sure one thinks it's a huge game to mess around with me or something.

Eh, they might just be huggy.  I'd probably register as fairly huggy to a guy, but on the girl scale I'm fairly calm about hugging. Most girls will hug everyone.

It was the smelling my neck and looking into my eyes with her arms draped over me, then telling me that I smelled great that creeped me out a bit.

...No, she's messing with you. And that's creepy.

I figured.  She's my niece by marriage, but still.  I've known her since she was a kid.  I'll have to come up with a good way to tease her out of doing it.


Stare back and say 'you too'?
 
2013-02-25 01:40:54 PM
I am totally creeped out by anyone touching me that I don't want to sleep with.

We were never as a family very affectionate.  Before my mom died I remember plenty of hugs, dad and I have hugged a few times only after tragedies, but hell I'm 31 and I see my two older sisters once/twice a year and we only started huggin 2 years ago maybe?  ...and it feels awkward...

...so yes, massages from someone who is not a person's significant other always seemed creepy to me, and seemed to only be performed by creepy people.

/Granpa sounds like a creep
//creep
 
2013-02-25 01:42:55 PM

GalFriday: Master Sphincter: InitialCommentGuy: GalFriday: gets passed around for cheek kisses and farts on his belly.

We're talking raspberries right?  Because otherwise this is going to lead to very awkward family gatherings quite quickly.

Waiting for a response. I have CPS on speed dial

And how are you going to report me?  This person that may or may not be telling a true or false story about a real or possibly pretend family member made an awkward on a website that some people don't take seriously.
Please report me now!!!


Somebody gonna get-a hurt real bad!
 
2013-02-25 01:44:40 PM
This thread should have a seat right over there.
 
2013-02-25 01:45:28 PM

mainstreet62: This thread should have a seat right over there.


In West Virginia?
 
2013-02-25 01:46:21 PM

spentmiles: "Grandpa!  It's time for your medicine."

"B-but, but that's a hammer!"

"Go into it easy, old man."

THWACK

"Damn it, it's stuck in his skull.  Why is it so easy to cave in an old man's head with a hammer, but so damn hard to get it out again?  I'm not messing with this.  Honey, go get my machete out from behind the bed.  The extra iron will help the head sink faster."

"Here's the hammer honey.  Wow, you <i>are</i> really horny."

"Oh Jesus.  His brain is still warm.  Here, hold on to the piece and pull.  Make some room in there so I can get it deeper."

"Wow, for all the brains, he sure didn't have much to say!"

"Here comes the putty, grandpa!"

"Oh Jesus!  It's coming out of his nose!  That's hilarious."

"Get the camera!"


The hammer is for the kitten medicine!
 
2013-02-25 01:46:58 PM

spentmiles: My male co-worker is always coming up behind me and giving me massages.  He always says, "You're so tense, let me work on you a little bit."  He has hands like a gorilla, so strong and penetrating.  I feel like he's massaging muscles in my chest when he's rubbing my back.

He tells me I have a great physique, but I lift too much because everything is in knots.  Then he does this thing where he rubs his hands in my hair, over my ears, down my jaw line, and then slides his ring fingers into my mouth, pulling the sides apart while admonishing me for not smiling more.  It's like he's trying to stretch my lips and mouth cavity wider and wider.  Sort of freaks me out, but I do carry a lot of stress in my jaw.

Then the other day he said he wanted me to give me a flexibility test.  He takes this long, giant squash out of his bag.  The neck on the thing is like ten inches in diameter.  He told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.  I was sort of flabbergasted, like I was at a hypnotist show, so I just followed along.  He then used a long cue-tip to rub some sort of numbing agent in the back of my throat.  I was terrified, and worse, he started working the neck of the squash into my mouth, pulling at my lips, and nudging it deeper and deeper.  My brain was saying, "spit it out, struggle, throw up!"  But I couldn't get my body to respond.  Somehow or another he got the entire thing down my throat without me gagging.

Then it got weird.  He took out the squash and sat in my lap, facing me, his legs flowing over the back of my buttocks and hips.  He just stared into my eyes with his arms draped over my shoulders.  It was like I was something to dote over, like a perfect vase he'd made at Craft Camp.  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, at least twenty minutes, and I felt what I can only describe as an anteater mulling around between us.

I feel really uncomfortable around him.  And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps.  I want ...


Don't worry, his Grampa will be there.....
 
2013-02-25 01:48:33 PM

serialsuicidebomber: spentmiles: My male co-worker.......


..... along with his hamster collection.
 
2013-02-25 01:48:59 PM
Inside the mind of a grandfather: "damn, I'm tired. My feet hurt. And that kid be slippin."
 
2013-02-25 01:49:44 PM

spentmiles: My male co-worker is always coming up behind me and giving me massages.  He always says, "You're so tense, let me work on you a little bit."  He has hands like a gorilla, so strong and penetrating.  I feel like he's massaging muscles in my chest when he's rubbing my back.

He tells me I have a great physique, but I lift too much because everything is in knots.  Then he does this thing where he rubs his hands in my hair, over my ears, down my jaw line, and then slides his ring fingers into my mouth, pulling the sides apart while admonishing me for not smiling more.  It's like he's trying to stretch my lips and mouth cavity wider and wider.  Sort of freaks me out, but I do carry a lot of stress in my jaw.

Then the other day he said he wanted me to give me a flexibility test.  He takes this long, giant squash out of his bag.  The neck on the thing is like ten inches in diameter.  He told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.  I was sort of flabbergasted, like I was at a hypnotist show, so I just followed along.  He then used a long cue-tip to rub some sort of numbing agent in the back of my throat.  I was terrified, and worse, he started working the neck of the squash into my mouth, pulling at my lips, and nudging it deeper and deeper.  My brain was saying, "spit it out, struggle, throw up!"  But I couldn't get my body to respond.  Somehow or another he got the entire thing down my throat without me gagging.

Then it got weird.  He took out the squash and sat in my lap, facing me, his legs flowing over the back of my buttocks and hips.  He just stared into my eyes with his arms draped over my shoulders.  It was like I was something to dote over, like a perfect vase he'd made at Craft Camp.  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, at least twenty minutes, and I felt what I can only describe as an anteater mulling around between us.

I feel really uncomfortable around him.  And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps.  I want ...


Excellent! Good Read A+++ Would read again
 
2013-02-25 01:51:57 PM

timujin: Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.

Thing is, those might be service dogs.  I don't know about other states, but in California they have them for more than just blind people.  Apparently separation anxiety and agoraphobia are also valid reasons.  And there's nothing the manager can do about it anyway, if he asks and they say it's a service dog, that's the end of the conversation.  He can't even ask for documentation.


Now I'm genuinely curious how a service dog helps with agoraphobia.

Unless the dog is trained to detect the signs of freaking out, and deploy a spring-loaded tent over the owner's head.  That would make more sense than any of the other scenarios currently running through my over-caffeinated mind.
 
2013-02-25 01:52:12 PM

Amos Quito: Andromeda: Amos Quito: Dear Abby:

My kids say I'm crazy for writing a dead woman for advice.

What should I do?


You realize her daughter took over the column years ago when she got Alzheimer's disease, right?


Dear Abby's daughter has Alzheimer's?


LOL
 
2013-02-25 01:52:15 PM
Can someone funnier than me submit a different article for the front page yet?
 
2013-02-25 01:52:50 PM
Something tells me that he was ot rubbing just their shoulders.  "Those are not my shoulders, Gampa!"
 
2013-02-25 01:53:05 PM

Virtuoso80: spentmiles: Then it got weird.

Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?



I thought he said he worked for PlayGirl.  No???
 
2013-02-25 01:55:30 PM

timujin: Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.

Thing is, those might be service dogs.  I don't know about other states, but in California they have them for more than just blind people.  Apparently separation anxiety and agoraphobia are also valid reasons.  And there's nothing the manager can do about it anyway, if he asks and they say it's a service dog, that's the end of the conversation.  He can't even ask for documentation.


But he can eject a service animal that poses a hazard to others.  A dog in a shopping cart is a great example.  Get it out or get out.
 
2013-02-25 01:56:14 PM
Dear Abby, my grandsons have rejected me, feeling uncomfortable with the way I slap their asses when they do a good deed. Am I resting too long on the buttocks?
 
2013-02-25 01:57:03 PM
spentmiles:

Then it got weird.

Hilarious!
 
2013-02-25 02:00:00 PM

Buckner: Can someone funnier than me submit a different article for the front page yet?


I think they are all in the server room at this point.
Only thing you can do is wait for them to come to.
 
2013-02-25 02:00:09 PM

Virtuoso80: The My Little Pony Killer: Virtuoso80: When my niece was young, I treated her like a kid. She'd sit on my lap, lean against me, etc. Now that she's 12, we don't do that anymore. Perhaps 12 is a child still to a grandfather, but you should know that to a 12-year-old, perspective has changed.

My oldest nephew is about half your niece's age (in your story, don't know about her IRL) and I allow him to be the one to initiate hugs now. He's a snuggly little guy. With his little brother (around 20 months) I go by body language, but I think it's just important for kids to understand that they do have rights to their bodies and don't need to submit just because some adult wants a hug.

I can't say I went that far. When she was six and she was leaving from a monthly visit, we would all certainly expect hugs goodbye. And it would be find for me to say, "Where ya goin'? You for got hugs!", or something like that if she forgot.

It's different in different families. I used to have a friend who, at around 20, would have his 16-year-old sister sit on his lap sometimes. Her and her older sister would sometimes sleep in the same bed together too. I don't think there was anything weird going on, just the way it was with their family.


My ex-girlfriends brother-in-law has a daughter.  Even at the age of 24 (her) she would lay her head on his lap.  That always freaked me out.
 
2013-02-25 02:09:05 PM

rigamrts: does anyone realize it's grandma not gramps that has the massage fetish and where does abby get off by say they need professional mediation. abby why not tell the stupid biatch to stop groping them and except the fact they don't want to be touched that way.


abby has always been worthless for advice. ALWAYS
miss manners and dan savage are infinitely more useful
the idea that there might be something "wrong" with the girls rejecting him is hilarious.

"if the girls and parents agree"
ROFL .... DIAF .... oh wait, you are already dead


Most of the answers in this fark thread are infinitely more useful.
1) the girls think you are a creep
2) the girls are adults and associate what you are doing with sex and think you are a creep
3) the girls are typical teens and want nothing to do with their elders

poor little grandpa ... so confused why they dont want him to give them a bath too ??
LOL
 
2013-02-25 02:09:52 PM
whoops
left out the most OBVIOUS answer which abby never gives
" ASK THEM "

how farking hard is it to ASK a question??
creep
 
2013-02-25 02:11:15 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: Virtuoso80: spentmiles: Then it got weird.

Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?

Stick around for a few more of his posts and it will all become clear to you.


That's exactly why I have him favorited.  Once I see one of his posts I immediately start skipping down the page looking for people that responded.
 
2013-02-25 02:13:33 PM

911Jenny: Virtuoso80: On the even more inappropriate side, I knew a women who was married to a guy who would chase their young daughters around their place naked, saying something like "The snake is coming to get you!" referring to his penis. She divorced him.

Well??? DID the snake get them?

I hate cliffhangers.



No. Now the beaver got them.
 
2013-02-25 02:16:22 PM

over_and_done: timujin: Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.

Thing is, those might be service dogs.  I don't know about other states, but in California they have them for more than just blind people.  Apparently separation anxiety and agoraphobia are also valid reasons.  And there's nothing the manager can do about it anyway, if he asks and they say it's a service dog, that's the end of the conversation.  He can't even ask for documentation.

Now I'm genuinely curious how a service dog helps with agoraphobia.

Unless the dog is trained to detect the signs of freaking out, and deploy a spring-loaded tent over the owner's head.  That would make more sense than any of the other scenarios currently running through my over-caffeinated mind.


The dog doesn't actually do anything, supposedly the person is less anxious when in the dog's company.
 
2013-02-25 02:16:33 PM

2KanZam: I am totally creeped out by anyone touching me that I don't want to sleep with.

We were never as a family very affectionate.  Before my mom died I remember plenty of hugs, dad and I have hugged a few times only after tragedies, but hell I'm 31 and I see my two older sisters once/twice a year and we only started huggin 2 years ago maybe?  ...and it feels awkward...

...so yes, massages from someone who is not a person's significant other always seemed creepy to me, and seemed to only be performed by creepy people.

/Granpa sounds like a creep
//creep


but
you also seem to have issues with contact and affection.
not picking on you
my family wasnt a big hugging family. probably all the yelling and screaming and beatings.

I now have friends which I hug and others that I dont. Over time I have increased the number who get hugs. I have also found that by getting rid of friends which I would NEVER hug that I am much happier person too.

/dont get me started on my shrink's desire to talk about the hugging thing and my avoiding the TOPIC!! LOL
/my guess is that if you saw a shrink and repeated what you wrote here, there would be some very insightful questions and thinking ...
/shudder
 
2013-02-25 02:21:04 PM

PsiChick: Molavian: PsiChick: Molavian: PsiChick: Molavian: I dunno, I've got a couple of nieces who I probably shouldn't be hugging that give me enthusiastic hugs.  Of course, they're in their 20's.  I'm fairly sure one thinks it's a huge game to mess around with me or something.

Eh, they might just be huggy.  I'd probably register as fairly huggy to a guy, but on the girl scale I'm fairly calm about hugging. Most girls will hug everyone.

It was the smelling my neck and looking into my eyes with her arms draped over me, then telling me that I smelled great that creeped me out a bit.

...No, she's messing with you. And that's creepy.

I figured.  She's my niece by marriage, but still.  I've known her since she was a kid.  I'll have to come up with a good way to tease her out of doing it.

Stare back and say 'you too'?


1) this thread cracks me up
2) "you too" would probably work
3) try moving your chest left-right during the hug, rubbing her nipples

no wait, you wanted to STOP THIS ???

I have found that hugs are all about people that are comfortable about their own personal space.
As I have become more comfortable, hugs have increased. People who are happy to see me and I am happy to see get hugs. And we are all the happier for it.  (without the rubbing)
 
2013-02-25 02:21:34 PM
Ugh.  Relatives who think they're just being affectionate are the worst.

/get your arm off the back of my chair; I'm not comfortable with anyone in that space who isn't my girlfriend
//don't pat me on the head when you walk past; I think you have me confused for your Shetland Sheepdog
///"I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable" my left foot. I may look like I'm still twelve, but I'm  twenty-three and in a committed relationship.  Entirely different social conventions apply now.
 
2013-02-25 02:26:56 PM

Virtuoso80: On the even more inappropriate side, I knew a women who was married to a guy who would chase their young daughters around their place naked, saying something like "The snake is coming to get you!" referring to his penis. She divorced him.


That's why he's marked as a troll and colored a nice shade of Orange on my thread. Red would be a little too much, ya know. He ain't THAT bad.
 
2013-02-25 02:28:00 PM

Strix occidentalis: Ugh.  Relatives who think they're just being affectionate are the worst.


I may look like I'm still twelve,

*clicks profile*

but I'm  twenty-three

How YOU doin'?

 and in a committed relationship.


Dammit.  So many clicks wasted, like tears in the rain....
 
2013-02-25 02:28:24 PM
Sorry, gramps, but once they start getting lumpy, it's time to tone down the touching.  My dad used to pinch our asses, which he thought was the height of hilarity.  I was the middle child of three girls, and he continued that crap from the time we were walking on up until we each walked out the door.  When we hit our teens and started dodging him and getting angry, he just thought it was funnier.  Jokes about our boobs were also apparently hilarious.  It was awesome being 12, feeling awkward about your budding breasts, and having a dad that made wisecracks that your were going to "give yourself a black eye with those things" whenever you ran, jumped rope, etc.

Dick.
 
2013-02-25 02:29:28 PM
Are the modmins all drunk already?
 
2013-02-25 02:30:22 PM
i.imgur.com

Meanwhile...
 
2013-02-25 02:31:29 PM
www.guitarmx.com

Inappropriate!

/Obscure?
 
2013-02-25 02:32:55 PM

bikerbob59: Virtuoso80: The My Little Pony Killer: Virtuoso80: When my niece was young, I treated her like a kid. She'd sit on my lap, lean against me, etc. Now that she's 12, we don't do that anymore. Perhaps 12 is a child still to a grandfather, but you should know that to a 12-year-old, perspective has changed.

My oldest nephew is about half your niece's age (in your story, don't know about her IRL) and I allow him to be the one to initiate hugs now. He's a snuggly little guy. With his little brother (around 20 months) I go by body language, but I think it's just important for kids to understand that they do have rights to their bodies and don't need to submit just because some adult wants a hug.

I can't say I went that far. When she was six and she was leaving from a monthly visit, we would all certainly expect hugs goodbye. And it would be find for me to say, "Where ya goin'? You for got hugs!", or something like that if she forgot.

It's different in different families. I used to have a friend who, at around 20, would have his 16-year-old sister sit on his lap sometimes. Her and her older sister would sometimes sleep in the same bed together too. I don't think there was anything weird going on, just the way it was with their family.

My ex-girlfriends brother-in-law has a daughter.  Even at the age of 24 (her) she would lay her head on his lap.  That always freaked me out.


My wife's dad will sometimes sit next to her with his hand on her lap, somewhat pressed between her legs, halfway up her thigh. I told her it made me uncomfortable, and I haven't seen him do it since.

My kids are 3 and 5. I am already explaining to them what appropriate boundaries should be.

/Got a check from my grandfather for my birthday. This thread reminded me to call him. Seems a little weird since I'm 35.
 
2013-02-25 02:34:24 PM

weltallica: [i.imgur.com image 516x348]

Meanwhile...


Why?  Why would you do that?
 
2013-02-25 02:34:54 PM

danielscissorhands: cosmiquemuffin:

Does the person who made that animated gif realize that Back To The Future was in color?


I thought they did it that way in case the contrast in images used wasn't contrasty enough.
 
2013-02-25 02:35:24 PM

DubyaHater: I can sympathize. I was thrown out of my gym for taking pictures of teenage girls with my camera-pen. I just wanted to show those girls how beautiful they were. I'd post the pictures here, but I became so enraged for being kicked out, I threw was my pen and broke it.


Wow. Can't believe you went there lol /b/
 
2013-02-25 02:36:04 PM

namatad: 2KanZam: I am totally creeped out by anyone touching me that I don't want to sleep with.

We were never as a family very affectionate.  Before my mom died I remember plenty of hugs, dad and I have hugged a few times only after tragedies, but hell I'm 31 and I see my two older sisters once/twice a year and we only started huggin 2 years ago maybe?  ...and it feels awkward...

...so yes, massages from someone who is not a person's significant other always seemed creepy to me, and seemed to only be performed by creepy people.

/Granpa sounds like a creep
//creep

but
you also seem to have issues with contact and affection.
not picking on you
my family wasnt a big hugging family. probably all the yelling and screaming and beatings.

I now have friends which I hug and others that I dont. Over time I have increased the number who get hugs. I have also found that by getting rid of friends which I would NEVER hug that I am much happier person too.

/dont get me started on my shrink's desire to talk about the hugging thing and my avoiding the TOPIC!! LOL
/my guess is that if you saw a shrink and repeated what you wrote here, there would be some very insightful questions and thinking ...
/shudder


So, I don't get it...what exactly is this negative effect on my life that not hugging everyone is causing?  What am I fixing?

Seems to me that "fixing" this "issue" would only invite more unwanted people into my personal space...which is exactly what I am avoiding.

My point was: touching should happen only between two openly consenting individuals...and that not everyone's tolerance for such is at the same level (mine is very low), so it is generally best to be aware of that difference in people.

Did you learn anything today?
 
2013-02-25 02:37:45 PM
Sure this isn't the new ad for viagra?
 
2013-02-25 02:37:58 PM

spentmiles: And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps. I want to go because I don't have a lot of friends and I need to get out more, but the whole thing seems a little off.


The last sentence really puts the "fart" in "work of art". Or possibly vice versa.
 
2013-02-25 02:39:39 PM
The next one about the dog kinda pisses me off. Because some elderly people have small dogs that accompany them as service dogs. Not for blindness, but for depression from being alone.
 
2013-02-25 02:40:01 PM

Moonfisher: Sorry, gramps, but once they start getting lumpy, it's time to tone down the touching.  My dad used to pinch our asses, which he thought was the height of hilarity.  I was the middle child of three girls, and he continued that crap from the time we were walking on up until we each walked out the door.  When we hit our teens and started dodging him and getting angry, he just thought it was funnier.  Jokes about our boobs were also apparently hilarious.  It was awesome being 12, feeling awkward about your budding breasts, and having a dad that made wisecracks that your were going to "give yourself a black eye with those things" whenever you ran, jumped rope, etc.

Dick.



I'm guessing the Seth MacFarlane number on the Oscars last night didn't go over well with you.
 
2013-02-25 02:41:08 PM
Nobody likes getting finger blasted by Grandpa.
 
2013-02-25 02:41:39 PM

x23: rigamrts: does anyone realize it's grandma not gramps that has the massage fetish and where does abby get off by say they need professional mediation. abby why not tell the stupid biatch to stop groping them and except the fact they don't want to be touched that way.

what?

Loving Grandfather Is Hurt By Sudden Silent Treatment
DEAR ABBY: My two adult granddaughters have rejected me, their doting grandfather.
[...]
-- GRIEVING GRANDDAD
 
so yeah... i am kinda curious how you came to the conclusion it is actually the grandmother.


You know the old saying...if grandpa didnt have balls he'd be your grandma
 
2013-02-25 02:42:01 PM

namatad: /dont get me started on my shrink's desire to talk about the hugging thing and my avoiding the TOPIC!! LOL


Why are you paying them then?
 
2013-02-25 02:42:08 PM
Dear Gramps,

I'm quite sure they didn't have a problem with it until you had both hands on their shoulders and were giving them a lower back rub at the same time.

DoBe
 
2013-02-25 02:42:50 PM

dallylamma: Nobody likes getting finger blasted by Grandpa.


Grandma raves about it.
 
2013-02-25 02:44:23 PM
Dear Abby:

My granddaughters' vaginas are becoming a little pungent for my tastes. Do I bring this up with my son at the next family gathering?
 
2013-02-25 02:45:35 PM

2KanZam: So, I don't get it...what exactly is this negative effect on my life that not hugging everyone is causing?  What am I fixing?

Seems to me that "fixing" this "issue" would only invite more unwanted people into my personal space...which is exactly what I am avoiding.

My point was: touching should happen only between two openly consenting individuals...and that not everyone's tolerance for such is at the same level (mine is very low), so it is generally best to be aware of that difference in people.

Did you learn anything today?


nope - it is all yours to decide. I was only pointing out that when I got rid of people who I never wanted to hug, I also got rid of a ton of baggage that went with those people. Baggage which was never ever going to be "fixed". By getting rid of it, I made my life better.

I agree that being aware of different peoples' spaces is important. As soon as I find that someone wants a GIGANTIC SPACE, I give that to them. It is theirs to decide, not mine.

The "fixing" is all about introspection. The "why" behind your very low tolerance. Everyone is different, but we have some things in common. And some people will never be introspective. meh.
 
2013-02-25 02:46:45 PM

Moonfisher: Sorry, gramps, but once they start getting lumpy, it's time to tone down the touching.  My dad used to pinch our asses, which he thought was the height of hilarity.  I was the middle child of three girls, and he continued that crap from the time we were walking on up until we each walked out the door.  When we hit our teens and started dodging him and getting angry, he just thought it was funnier.  Jokes about our boobs were also apparently hilarious.  It was awesome being 12, feeling awkward about your budding breasts, and having a dad that made wisecracks that your were going to "give yourself a black eye with those things" whenever you ran, jumped rope, etc.

Dick.


EWEWEWEWEWEW ew EW
You just managed to creep out creepy Unka Vudu.
Yik
 
2013-02-25 02:48:50 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: namatad: /dont get me started on my shrink's desire to talk about the hugging thing and my avoiding the TOPIC!! LOL

Why are you paying them then?


LOL
was there for 47 other things. will go back to deal with that one some day.
My guess is that it is a simple as my dysfunctional family never hugged and was all YELL AND SCREAM AND HIT. Knowing that, I have been able to move on and actually hug and be close to people. My guess is that my shrink would laugh at me and go "DUH!". (My shrink knows me way too well. LOL)
 
2013-02-25 02:50:05 PM

airsupport: Dear Abby:

My granddaughters' vaginas are becoming a little pungent for my tastes. Do I bring this up with my son at the next family gathering?


OH MY GOD
we have a winner
CLOSE the THREAD please
 
2013-02-25 02:51:56 PM

MNguy: the_foo: Impossible to say from reading a tiny bit of one side. There are people out there who either just don't like any sort of contact, or even read something inappropriate into innocent gestures. Or gramps could be a perv.

Who cares?  They don't like being touched, end of story.


You should see how they were dressed, though...
 
2013-02-25 02:52:30 PM

vudukungfu: Moonfisher: Sorry, gramps, but once they start getting lumpy, it's time to tone down the touching.  My dad used to pinch our asses, which he thought was the height of hilarity.  I was the middle child of three girls, and he continued that crap from the time we were walking on up until we each walked out the door.  When we hit our teens and started dodging him and getting angry, he just thought it was funnier.  Jokes about our boobs were also apparently hilarious.  It was awesome being 12, feeling awkward about your budding breasts, and having a dad that made wisecracks that your were going to "give yourself a black eye with those things" whenever you ran, jumped rope, etc.

Dick.

EWEWEWEWEWEW ew EW
You just managed to creep out creepy Unka Vudu.
Yik


I watched my brother-in-law do this to my niece. It is what we adults call abuse. Strange, she has daddy issues now. What a SHOCK.

THEY might think that it is just joking and teasing, but they also think that bullying is good for people and they should just MAN UP.
Mental abuse is easily much worse than physical abuse (yes, your mileage may vary).
 
2013-02-25 02:53:40 PM

Moonfisher: Sorry, gramps, but once they start getting lumpy, it's time to tone down the touching.  My dad used to pinch our asses, which he thought was the height of hilarity.  I was the middle child of three girls, and he continued that crap from the time we were walking on up until we each walked out the door.  When we hit our teens and started dodging him and getting angry, he just thought it was funnier.  Jokes about our boobs were also apparently hilarious.  It was awesome being 12, feeling awkward about your budding breasts, and having a dad that made wisecracks that your were going to "give yourself a black eye with those things" whenever you ran, jumped rope, etc.

Dick.


You sound...chesty.

Just pointing out the words most men picked up in your story.
 
2013-02-25 02:54:08 PM

The Muthaship: dallylamma: Nobody likes getting finger blasted by Grandpa.

Grandma raves about it.


Yeah, but it takes more than just a finger with Grandma these days...
 
2013-02-25 02:56:53 PM

BarkingUnicorn: timujin: Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.

Thing is, those might be service dogs.  I don't know about other states, but in California they have them for more than just blind people.  Apparently separation anxiety and agoraphobia are also valid reasons.  And there's nothing the manager can do about it anyway, if he asks and they say it's a service dog, that's the end of the conversation.  He can't even ask for documentation.

But he can eject a service animal that poses a hazard to others.  A dog in a shopping cart is a great example.  Get it out or get out.


From what I understand, no, he can't.  Not unless that hazard is imminent, like if the dog is attempting to physically injure someone.  Sitting in a cart is not an imminent threat.
 
2013-02-25 02:58:00 PM
Moonfisher: Sorry, gramps, but once they start getting lumpy, it's time to tone down the touching.  My dad used to pinch our asses, which he thought was the height of hilarity.  I was the middle child of three girls, and he continued that crap from the time we were walking on up until we each walked out the door.  When we hit our teens and started dodging him and getting angry, he just thought it was funnier.  Jokes about our boobs were also apparently hilarious.  It was awesome being 12, feeling awkward about your budding breasts, and having a dad that made wisecracks that your were going to "give yourself a black eye with those things" whenever you ran, jumped rope, etc.

Is your dad my uncle Larry, he used to do crap like that all the time to my sisters.  Best uncle ever, he would make innapropriate jokes all the time. He has calmed down with age though.
 
2013-02-25 02:59:58 PM
Mods are asleep, post sinks!

i47.tinypic.com
 
2013-02-25 03:00:41 PM
This is the weirdest fark thread.
 
2013-02-25 03:03:30 PM

namatad: The My Little Pony Killer: namatad: /dont get me started on my shrink's desire to talk about the hugging thing and my avoiding the TOPIC!! LOL

Why are you paying them then?

LOL
was there for 47 other things. will go back to deal with that one some day.
My guess is that it is a simple as my dysfunctional family never hugged and was all YELL AND SCREAM AND HIT. Knowing that, I have been able to move on and actually hug and be close to people. My guess is that my shrink would laugh at me and go "DUH!". (My shrink knows me way too well. LOL)


I just don't understand why you're so open with us about it, yet you won't tell the person you're paying for this sort of help. He might be trying to hint that the hug thing might have something to do with those 47 other things you're there for. Though I have to question his abilities if his reaction to the things you tell him is to laugh and say duh.
 
2013-02-25 03:05:15 PM
www.alicia-logic.com
 
2013-02-25 03:05:17 PM

jayphat: The next one about the dog kinda pisses me off. Because some elderly people have small dogs that accompany them as service dogs. Not for blindness, but for depression from being alone.


No they don't.  Those are called pets, not service dogs.  They don't belong in grocery stores.
 
2013-02-25 03:07:15 PM
My mom had an uncle who liked to smack my her and her sisters on the butt when they were kids.  He never thought anything was wrong with it because it was just his way of showing affection.  Of course, my mom hated it; she hated it when she was 4 and she sure as hell hated it when she was 14.  So, one Christmas when the entire family got together, my great uncle started his ass-smacking my routine and my mom finally turned on him and said, "Dave, if you ever do that to me again I will slap you."  My great uncle gets a big grin on his face and says, "sure you will, sweety."  Sure enough, as soon as my mom turns to walk away, he smacks her on the ass.  As my mom tells it, she spun around and slapped him like she was a major league pitcher - full wind-up.  It was loud enough that the entire house stopped what they were doing and came running into the living room to see what happened.  When the whole family saw my mom literally trembling with anger, and my great uncle dumbstruck with a big red imprint on his cheek, they where all aghast . . . at my mom for treating her uncle so disrespectfully.

This, my mom explained to me many times in my childhood, is why we never saw her side of the family during the holidays.
 
2013-02-25 03:08:43 PM

MNguy: I heard Dear Abby has Alzheimer's.


She thinks she's Ronald Reagan.

As for gramps' little problem, there is something else going on here that he is not being told. No one who isn't batshiat crazy abandons one's grandfather because his shoulder and neck rubs make one uncomfortable. All that is needed is a simple "don't do that grandpa; it makes me feel uncomfortable."
 
2013-02-25 03:09:49 PM

weltallica: [i.imgur.com image 516x348]

Meanwhile...


Damn you. I had managed to push that out of my mind until now.
 
2013-02-25 03:13:51 PM

Virtuoso80: spentmiles: Then it got weird.

Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?


As much as I enjoy reading Spentmiles comments, I almost enjoy other people's comments more, especially the uninitiated.
 
2013-02-25 03:15:53 PM
Oh, hai!

What's going on.....

Oh sweet jesus.

Spentmiles, you magnificent bastard.
 
2013-02-25 03:17:10 PM

ciberido: Tumunga: Should I gather from that is spentmiles is a broad?

Spentmiles transcends sex and gender.


.gif, please, or you're lying.
 
2013-02-25 03:17:17 PM
Grandpa has a simple solution for the next time (if there is a next time):

Start finger-banging them senseless they say to them...'I guess the shoulder massages and back rubs where too intimate...huh?"
 
2013-02-25 03:18:50 PM

dallylamma: Nobody likes getting finger blasted by Grandpa.


Speak for yourself.

/Not MY grandpa
//That would be weird
 
2013-02-25 03:20:07 PM

airsupport: Dear Abby:

My granddaughters' vaginas are becoming a little pungent for my tastes. Do I bring this up with my son at the next family gathering?


Only solution now:

i3.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-02-25 03:20:39 PM

Molavian: PsiChick: Molavian: PsiChick: Molavian: I dunno, I've got a couple of nieces who I probably shouldn't be hugging that give me enthusiastic hugs.  Of course, they're in their 20's.  I'm fairly sure one thinks it's a huge game to mess around with me or something.

Eh, they might just be huggy.  I'd probably register as fairly huggy to a guy, but on the girl scale I'm fairly calm about hugging. Most girls will hug everyone.

It was the smelling my neck and looking into my eyes with her arms draped over me, then telling me that I smelled great that creeped me out a bit.

...No, she's messing with you. And that's creepy.

I figured.  She's my niece by marriage, but still.  I've known her since she was a kid.  I'll have to come up with a good way to tease her out of doing it.


Sounds like she might be enjoying the discomfort she's causing you. Have you though much about what makes you uncomfortable about it? I mean, beside the obvious "not going to bang my niece and don't want anybody including her thinking I want to"?

Unwanted advances are particularly tough for men to handle, since we are used to being the ones who make advances; and so she might be enjoying being able to make you uncomfortable with her sexuality in a way that she knows is safe -- that is, that she trusts you not to take it seriously and try to bang her.

With some better perspective you might be able to just get to the point where you can just relax and enjoy her affection. If she starts to try to push it past the point you are okay with, then just give her a smile and friendly "no". Maybe you are already at that point, only you can say. But I've found there's lots of benefits to non-sexualized physical contact with people you care about.
 
2013-02-25 03:20:47 PM
spentmiles: .... Then it got weird.  ....


Wait ... are you saying it wasn't weird up to that point?!  If you felt everything was totally normal up to THAT point then I have a feeling your life story would make for some interesting reading!
 
2013-02-25 03:22:48 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: I just don't understand why you're so open with us about it, yet you won't tell the person you're paying for this sort of help. He might be trying to hint that the hug thing might have something to do with those 47 other things you're there for. Though I have to question his abilities if his reaction to the things you tell him is to laugh and say duh.


meh,
when I went it was to deal with dying mother and dating crazy women.
digging into the WHY behind not hugging was not going to be a breakthrough.
from a behaviorist point of view, my goal was to fix a couple "basic" things that I wanted to work on.
a large part of therapy is tools to learn to figure shiat out on your own.

the thing with hugging I am pretty sure has to do with my farked up dysfunctional family. when I go back, we will "deal" with it, but in most ways, it has already been dealt with by realizing what it was probably that and I have moved on. not like my crazy family will EVER get better. certainly cant fix that!! LOL

the reason that she would laugh and say duh is because she knows me well enough to know that my reaction will not be all emo. She is able to be direct and blunt and I am able to work with that. Let's us make much faster progress, rather than her worried about dancing on eggshells.

The "duh" is in reaction to HELLLLOOOO you knew this 12 sessions ago, but it took you THIS long to say it out loud? which is funny. and helps reinforce the "stop being an idiot and admit things sooner thing" which is awesomeness.

hey, therapy is different for everyone.
 
2013-02-25 03:23:31 PM
My mother has some sort of depression. (my guess is manic depression).

When I was about 26 or so, I was sleeping over her house in my old bedroom after a night out with friends. I wake up and she's taking pictures of me. Pictures of me sleeping. I ask her to stop doing that. She continues. I tell her again. She continues. I yell at her "WTF is wrong with you? Get out! And she didn't speak to me for 3 months and then made me apologize to her.

She also had a habit of trying to snuggle in my bed with me, hold my hand as we walk down the street, and so on. Things that are just odd to do to a 30-something year old daughter. Or maybe I just think it is weird because I don't particularly like her. Her emotions are so unpredictable and erratic I can't take it any more - my friends tell me I should just walk away from the relationship but who the fark can do that to their sick mother?
 
2013-02-25 03:25:36 PM

JackieRabbit: MNguy: I heard Dear Abby has Alzheimer's.

She thinks she's Ronald Reagan.

As for gramps' little problem, there is something else going on here that he is not being told. No one who isn't batshiat crazy abandons one's grandfather because his shoulder and neck rubs make one uncomfortable. All that is needed is a simple "don't do that grandpa; it makes me feel uncomfortable."


It's not the shoulder rubbing, it's his erection stabbing them in the back that they dislike.
 
2013-02-25 03:26:28 PM
Some branches of my family are more physically touchy than others I have a couple of cousins that I am fairly sure I'm not biologically related to (They are my step-grandmothers-granddaughters.). They are 3 and 4 years younger than me and when I was in my early 20's and they in their late teens they were both nice looking and enjoyed making inappropriate comments and veiled passes at both me and my male cousin a year older than me.   It was sorta creepy, and we were close growing up from being little kids till say age 10 on my end so they would have been 7ish and their parents moved about 2 hours drive away from the city the family was in.  After that we saw each other about twice a year until this started, and they both moved away from their parents house, toward the city where the  the rest of the family lived.

The really weird part was that there was at least some indications that they wanted to at least mess around to some extent.   I didn't and still don't know how to respond, though they have both grown up and gotten married in the last couple of years.  I don't know if it was some weird game to them or what but it wasn't a cool thing for me or him.
 
2013-02-25 03:26:55 PM

Moonfisher: Sorry, gramps, but once they start getting lumpy, it's time to tone down the touching.  My dad used to pinch our asses, which he thought was the height of hilarity.  I was the middle child of three girls, and he continued that crap from the time we were walking on up until we each walked out the door.  When we hit our teens and started dodging him and getting angry, he just thought it was funnier.  Jokes about our boobs were also apparently hilarious.  It was awesome being 12, feeling awkward about your budding breasts, and having a dad that made wisecracks that your were going to "give yourself a black eye with those things" whenever you ran, jumped rope, etc.

Dick


If I were in your shoes I'm be most angry that he stuck you with a boy's name.

/grin
/duck
/run
 
2013-02-25 03:27:13 PM

the_foo: Impossible to say from reading a tiny bit of one side. There are people out there who either just don't like any sort of contact, or even read something inappropriate into innocent gestures. Or gramps could be a perv.


the_foo: Impossible to say from reading a tiny bit of one side. There are people out there who either just don't like any sort of contact, or even read something inappropriate into innocent gestures. Or gramps could be a perv.


True this....and it can change.

I used to be a very tactile person...hugs, touches...but I realized not everyone was like that and tried to respect (even though I didn't understand) the "Do Not Touch" attitude.
Then I got T-boned by a truck running a red light...two headshots.  Lot of things different...now I am the one who doesn't want to be touched.  I can't always explain that depending on whose doing the reaching out and attempting, it feels creepy or inappropriate or invasive (and don't want to listen to excuses as to why it's not...it feels that way to ME), so I just tell people that I don't like to be touched because it hurts.  Fibromyalgia and all that...just DON'T TOUCH ME, 'K?

I do miss being able to enjoy a friend's hug though...or a 'just met this person, but they're an affectionate sort so they give out hugs like other people might shake hands'...
 
2013-02-25 03:27:26 PM

Nuuu: My mom had an uncle who liked to smack my her and her sisters on the butt when they were kids.  He never thought anything was wrong with it because it was just his way of showing affection.  Of course, my mom hated it; she hated it when she was 4 and she sure as hell hated it when she was 14.  So, one Christmas when the entire family got together, my great uncle started his ass-smacking my routine and my mom finally turned on him and said, "Dave, if you ever do that to me again I will slap you."  My great uncle gets a big grin on his face and says, "sure you will, sweety."  Sure enough, as soon as my mom turns to walk away, he smacks her on the ass.  As my mom tells it, she spun around and slapped him like she was a major league pitcher - full wind-up.  It was loud enough that the entire house stopped what they were doing and came running into the living room to see what happened.  When the whole family saw my mom literally trembling with anger, and my great uncle dumbstruck with a big red imprint on his cheek, they where all aghast . . . at my mom for treating her uncle so disrespectfully.


I have the weirdest boner right now
 
2013-02-25 03:27:47 PM

Nuuu: they where all aghast . . . at my mom for treating her uncle so disrespectfully.

This, my mom explained to me many times in my childhood, is why we never saw her side of the family during the holidays.


GOOD ON YOUR MOM!!!
What an awesome lesson to teach your children. That kind of shiat is bullshiat and unacceptable!!
YAY MOM!!!
 
2013-02-25 03:28:55 PM

spentmiles: Then it got weird.


I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
 
2013-02-25 03:29:03 PM

Nuuu: When the whole family saw my mom literally trembling with anger, and my great uncle dumbstruck with a big red imprint on his cheek, they where all aghast . . . at my mom for treating her uncle so disrespectfully.


Story of my life.

My personal favorite is when dad (who was always travelling - I mean he was home maybe 1 or 2 days a week) was seriously pissed off at 11 yo me when he found out I was going to the school guidance counselor to deal with my mother's alcoholism. Cause, you know, you don't talk about family issues.

Yep, it was my fault.
 
2013-02-25 03:29:04 PM

HatchetWound: spentmiles: .... Then it got weird.  ....


Wait ... are you saying it wasn't weird up to that point?!  If you felt everything was totally normal up to THAT point then I have a feeling your life story would make for some interesting reading!



Aaaaaaaaaaaaand another.....

I can't believe fitting a 10-inch diameter squash hasn't been a dead giveaway....
 
2013-02-25 03:29:33 PM

hdhale: Had similar issue with twin nieces.  Both crawled all over top of me when they were 7 and no problem expressing affection or receiving it (get your minds out of the gutter...).


Quit reading my mind!
 
2013-02-25 03:29:39 PM

Zasteva: Unwanted advances are particularly tough for men to handle, since we are used to being the ones who make advances; and so she might be enjoying being able to make you uncomfortable with her sexuality in a way that she knows is safe -- that is, that she trusts you not to take it seriously and try to bang her.


mhmm
sounds like she is being a manipulative little biatch, doesnt it. pretty healthy of her.
 
2013-02-25 03:30:50 PM
I've raised three daughters and a granddaughter. Appropriate touch and affection versus their age is not at all difficult to figure out.

Unless you're a total creep like this guy.
 
2013-02-25 03:31:20 PM

griffer: Oh, hai!

What's going on.....

Oh sweet jesus.

Spentmiles, you magnificent bastard.


this is one of those times im sort of proud to be accused of being spentmiles.
 
2013-02-25 03:32:35 PM

Kazrath: DROxINxTHExWIND: Dear Abby, how can you help me to convince them that I should be able to rub and touch them? Also, can you please give me validation by talking about how unreasonable they are being so that I can continue acting like an innocent old man who doesn't get it?

I don't think that is what he is complaining about.  I think he complaining due to the fact they never asked him to stop yet completely abandoned him.  I can fully understand where he is coming from.  You have a little girl that likes to throw her arms around you to get a hug, likes being picked up, or snuggling every time she see's you.  You become so used to the behavior it becomes a huge shock when all of a sudden out of the blue it is completely unwelcome because you still see her as that same little girl.  However, massaging is a little weird in "US" society.


"Suddenly" you become aware of other people watching what you do and the collectively think it's creepy? Guess what? Learn to deal. Your response just reinforces that "wierdness". You think you are owed something physical, and they think you're goddamn nuts. There's a reason for such things. The main one? YOU are NOT their parents. Unless your kid is a complete screw up, a meth addict, can't boil water....something...back off grandpa(ma)
 
2013-02-25 03:32:39 PM

FarkingReading: HatchetWound: spentmiles: .... Then it got weird.  ....


Wait ... are you saying it wasn't weird up to that point?!  If you felt everything was totally normal up to THAT point then I have a feeling your life story would make for some interesting reading!


Aaaaaaaaaaaaand another.....

I can't believe fitting a 10-inch diameter squash hasn't been a dead giveaway....


begs to differ

thefinereport.com
 
2013-02-25 03:32:48 PM

spentmiles: Then it got weird.



OMG, you're killin me! The worst part of this is the looks other people around just gave me when I let out a literal "gufaw!" in a public place.
 
2013-02-25 03:33:12 PM
If you can't keep it in your pants, then at least keep it in the family
 
2013-02-25 03:33:39 PM

Lollipop165: My mother has some sort of depression. (my guess is manic depression).

When I was about 26 or so, I was sleeping over her house in my old bedroom after a night out with friends. I wake up and she's taking pictures of me. Pictures of me sleeping. I ask her to stop doing that. She continues. I tell her again. She continues. I yell at her "WTF is wrong with you? Get out! And she didn't speak to me for 3 months and then made me apologize to her.

She also had a habit of trying to snuggle in my bed with me, hold my hand as we walk down the street, and so on. Things that are just odd to do to a 30-something year old daughter. Or maybe I just think it is weird because I don't particularly like her. Her emotions are so unpredictable and erratic I can't take it any more - my friends tell me I should just walk away from the relationship but who the fark can do that to their sick mother?


I did. Took me 33 years and then a bunch of therapy.
I am STILL working on learning that it is NOT my job to fix people. Your mom is broken. Your are not her primary care giver. You cant fix her. The only thing that you CAN do is be supportive if and when she gets help and not let her cause damage in your life.

I had a sister tell me point blank that I HAD TO LOVE MY MOTHER. Really? No. No I do not.
That respect your elders/parents trap is so deadly, to so many, for so long.
 
2013-02-25 03:34:23 PM
Sympathizes

i.telegraph.co.uk
 
2013-02-25 03:37:19 PM
Wow... lots of issues in this threads...

My kids, my nieces and/or nephews, heck even their friends... there's never issues about physical contact.. heck, if anything they show signs that they're happy to have someone not "repulsed" or afraid to touch them or something.

Maybe you guys have a weirdness vibe going.

Heck, even with coworkers I've not had issues, I'll not be shy about physical contact, other times, they'll come over and be the ones that'll grab my shoulders, arms, whatever.

In all my life, I'd say that I've had one person (female) that was weird about it... but dear God she had issues.
 
2013-02-25 03:38:48 PM

wambu: I've raised three daughters and a granddaughter. Appropriate touch and affection versus their age is not at all difficult to figure out.

Unless you're a total creep like this guy.


you know what works for me with my nieces? I let them decide. The oldest used to RUN AND SCREAM and tackle hug me when I would come visit. Clearly, she was happy to see me. She is an "adult" now, so she is much more restrained. But I never had to worry about what was right or wrong, she set the boundary.

when the older person decides ... shudder .... creeps
 
2013-02-25 03:39:33 PM
I have such memories of my Uncle and the way he taught me-and my brothers and sisters and all my cousins- about music and life.

He would drive around and pick up all the cousins and we'd hang out in his basement.  He found a way to connect with all of us.  Regardless of age or gender, he'd find something for us to bang or blow as we wiled away our childhoods in his amazing band!

Oh how I used to shake with anticipation, I'd throw up 3 or 4 times before the Uncle Fritzl and the Candy Van Band even arrive to pick me up for that days family musical adventure!
 
2013-02-25 03:40:47 PM

namatad: Lollipop165: My mother has some sort of depression. (my guess is manic depression).

When I was about 26 or so, I was sleeping over her house in my old bedroom after a night out with friends. I wake up and she's taking pictures of me. Pictures of me sleeping. I ask her to stop doing that. She continues. I tell her again. She continues. I yell at her "WTF is wrong with you? Get out! And she didn't speak to me for 3 months and then made me apologize to her.

She also had a habit of trying to snuggle in my bed with me, hold my hand as we walk down the street, and so on. Things that are just odd to do to a 30-something year old daughter. Or maybe I just think it is weird because I don't particularly like her. Her emotions are so unpredictable and erratic I can't take it any more - my friends tell me I should just walk away from the relationship but who the fark can do that to their sick mother?

I did. Took me 33 years and then a bunch of therapy.
I am STILL working on learning that it is NOT my job to fix people. Your mom is broken. Your are not her primary care giver. You cant fix her. The only thing that you CAN do is be supportive if and when she gets help and not let her cause damage in your life.

I had a sister tell me point blank that I HAD TO LOVE MY MOTHER. Really? No. No I do not.
That respect your elders/parents trap is so deadly, to so many, for so long.


There comes a time in your life when you have to realize that you'll never be a better person and never live up to your potential carrying around open wound that refuses to heal.  And you have to realize that this sore, this infection, is exactly what's keeping you from living your own life.  

Some people have to think of it in those terms.  If your arm is infected and necrotizing and it's killing you, you don't keep it and pray that it gets better and talk to it.  You cut it off and live the best life you can in your new state.

My family doesn't really have a problem cutting other family members off for good reason.  Just because you share genetic material with them, doesn't mean you have to love and care for them no matter what.  If they want to act like an enemy, then you treat them like one.
 
2013-02-25 03:41:25 PM

imfallen_angel: Wow... lots of issues in this threads...

My kids, my nieces and/or nephews, heck even their friends... there's never issues about physical contact.. heck, if anything they show signs that they're happy to have someone not "repulsed" or afraid to touch them or something.

Maybe you guys have a weirdness vibe going.

Heck, even with coworkers I've not had issues, I'll not be shy about physical contact, other times, they'll come over and be the ones that'll grab my shoulders, arms, whatever.

In all my life, I'd say that I've had one person (female) that was weird about it... but dear God she had issues.


Bingo!
And congrats on not having those issues, you lucky, lucky bastard.
And yes, this thread has certainly become the weekly group therapy thread. 
:D
 
2013-02-25 03:46:05 PM

alizeran: Mods are asleep, post sinks!

[i47.tinypic.com image 470x345]


You're needed on 4chan!  Stat!
 
2013-02-25 03:46:18 PM

FarkingReading: HatchetWound: spentmiles: .... Then it got weird.  ....


Wait ... are you saying it wasn't weird up to that point?!  If you felt everything was totally normal up to THAT point then I have a feeling your life story would make for some interesting reading!


Aaaaaaaaaaaaand another.....

I can't believe fitting a 10-inch diameter squash hasn't been a dead giveaway....


It's not our fault your girlfriend/spouse is incredibly boring
 
2013-02-25 03:46:27 PM

Virtuoso80: It seems to me like, when people get older, they just don't care anymore about certain things, and more about others. Kind of like, "I love my grandkids, and I want to hug them and be close to them. Phooey on being reserved, that's just silly. When you get old, you understand what's important in life, and value your family and the time you get to be with them." I honestly don't think the grandfather in this story means badly, I think it's just that kind of perspective.


Yeah, that, and we're now in a society that thanks to media and shifting cultural norms is hypersensitive to any perceived sexual impropriety.

A loving grandfather rubbing shoulders may be completely innocent (I think it is), but after a24 hour marathon of To Catch a Predator followed by a Paterno expose and a Catholic Priest interview, some people might change their perception of the shoulder rub.
 
2013-02-25 03:47:34 PM
I was just rubbing his tense shoulders!
img0.liveinternet.ru
 
2013-02-25 03:48:55 PM

Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.


My youngest cat comes to work with me during my weekend shift.  Sometimes we need to stop at the store before going into work.  I bring her into the store with me...in her carrier.

She's used to this, well-behaved, doesn't kick up a fuss...and has her own 'fan club' of employees who greet her and like to give her a scritch or snuggle.
Couple times she's helped distract/calm down a fussy kid, too..."Wanna pet the kitty?" can be almost magical in its silencing power.

She doesn't come with me unless it's a stop we're making before heading off to work though...
 
2013-02-25 03:48:59 PM

namatad: I had a sister tell me point blank that I HAD TO LOVE MY MOTHER. Really? No. No I do not.
That respect your elders/parents trap is so deadly, to so many, for so long.



When someone gives me the whole "you should love your parent's no matter what" lecture, I tell them that I'll visit my parents if they come with me.

Of those who have taken me up on that offer, every one has chickened out when I tell them that they have to register with the Warden to get approval.

Apparently, "unconditional" only applies when the most serious issue in the family is a Christmas card getting lost in the mail.
 
2013-02-25 03:50:27 PM

FarkingReading: HatchetWound: spentmiles: .... Then it got weird.  ....


Wait ... are you saying it wasn't weird up to that point?!  If you felt everything was totally normal up to THAT point then I have a feeling your life story would make for some interesting reading!


Aaaaaaaaaaaaand another.....

I can't believe fitting a 10-inch diameter squash hasn't been a dead giveaway....


What? You CAN'T?
 
2013-02-25 03:50:30 PM

Raug the Dwarf: There comes a time in your life when you have to realize that you'll never be a better person and never live up to your potential carrying around open wound that refuses to heal.  And you have to realize that this sore, this infection, is exactly what's keeping you from living your own life.  

Some people have to think of it in those terms.  If your arm is infected and necrotizing and it's killing you, you don't keep it and pray that it gets better and talk to it.  You cut it off and live the best life you can in your new state.

My family doesn't really have a problem cutting other family members off for good reason.  Just because you share genetic material with them, doesn't mean you have to love and care for them no matter what.  If they want to act like an enemy, then you treat them like one.


mhmm
It has been educational watching my other siblings deal with the same issue.
The ones who got help and cut off the arm did better. The ones that kept the arm, but were aware that it was infected, they were worse off, but at least aware that their arm was covered in cancer and starting to stink. The one who refused to even admit anything was wrong? well shock of shocks, they are completely dysfunctional and the cancer has spread to their whole body. They are now terrible to be around too. This is a surprise to no one but themselves.

was probably the hardest lesson that I learned in my life, but I mourned the passing of my mother then and there. she was dead to me. the person who was left living was this cancer on every one else. but I lived and moved on.

The hardest part has been watching my niece suffer this. Her mother and my mother might as well have been twins. So now my niece is starting to realize that she has this cancer on her arm. Does she cut it off or let it spread. Terrible to watch it spread from generation to generation.
 
2013-02-25 03:51:08 PM

namatad: Zasteva: Unwanted advances are particularly tough for men to handle, since we are used to being the ones who make advances; and so she might be enjoying being able to make you uncomfortable with her sexuality in a way that she knows is safe -- that is, that she trusts you not to take it seriously and try to bang her.

namatad: mhmm
sounds like she is being a manipulative little biatch, doesnt it. pretty healthy of her.


I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. Some people are comfortable with their own sexuality and attractiveness. As long as she's basically just flirting and enjoying the effect I don't see any problem with it.

She should be able to flirt with anybody and feel safe doing it. Unfortunately in our society many men take being flirted with as a promise of sex, and feel like they are owed if there's no follow-thru.

So it could be pretty healthy of her. But it's possible she's got harmful intentions or is just clueless, in which case I'd say that wouldn't be healthy. Her uncle probably has a better sense of that than either of us do.
 
2013-02-25 03:51:15 PM

namatad: That respect your elders/parents trap is so deadly, to so many, for so long.


The trap is in assuming that respect is unconditional and can never be lost or withdrawn.

All people at any age are due a certain amount of respect for starters. It's up to them to validate it or piss it away.
 
2013-02-25 03:51:28 PM
I would let strange children pet my pussy.
 
2013-02-25 03:52:02 PM

NSFW: jayphat: The next one about the dog kinda pisses me off. Because some elderly people have small dogs that accompany them as service dogs. Not for blindness, but for depression from being alone.

No they don't.  Those are called pets, not service dogs.  They don't belong in grocery stores.


I have a little old lady who comes into my store once a week with a yorkie. She had paperwork showing its a service animal for mental health. When she brings her in, she puts a blanket in the cart for her to sit on. Never once has this dog been a nuisance. Hell, this dog looks cleaner and acts more well behaved than 3/4 of the people shopping in a grocery store. If the dog caused a problem, we would ask her to not have her in here. But get the fark over yourself if you think a dog that is there to keep old people from offing themselves is a problem.
 
2013-02-25 03:52:03 PM

griffer: I would let strange children pet my pussy.


Dammit! I meant would NOT!  WOULDN'T!
 
2013-02-25 03:52:12 PM

Gunny Walker: braedan: jaylectricity: Stay above the clavicle, grandpa.

And below the knees!


[i64.photobucket.com image 250x192]
Would you give a guy a foot massage?


Came here to post this.

+1 Gunny
 
2013-02-25 03:52:58 PM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Virtuoso80: It seems to me like, when people get older, they just don't care anymore about certain things, and more about others. Kind of like, "I love my grandkids, and I want to hug them and be close to them. Phooey on being reserved, that's just silly. When you get old, you understand what's important in life, and value your family and the time you get to be with them." I honestly don't think the grandfather in this story means badly, I think it's just that kind of perspective.

Yeah, that, and we're now in a society that thanks to media and shifting cultural norms is hypersensitive to any perceived sexual impropriety.

A loving grandfather rubbing shoulders may be completely innocent (I think it is), but after a24 hour marathon of To Catch a Predator followed by a Paterno expose and a Catholic Priest interview, some people might change their perception of the shoulder rub.


I think it might have more to do with the fact that for many people, the only time you give any kind of massage is because the other person asks for it.  I'd give my dad a foot-rub if his feet were hurting at the end of the day.  I wouldn't just randomly sit down on the floor and start taking off his shoes and socks.
 
2013-02-25 03:54:39 PM

ferretman: FarkingReading: HatchetWound: spentmiles: .... Then it got weird.  ....


Wait ... are you saying it wasn't weird up to that point?!  If you felt everything was totally normal up to THAT point then I have a feeling your life story would make for some interesting reading!


Aaaaaaaaaaaaand another.....

I can't believe fitting a 10-inch diameter squash hasn't been a dead giveaway....

What? You CAN'T?



I didn't say that. Now you're putting words in my mouth. Gigantic, throbbing words.
 
2013-02-25 03:55:40 PM

the ha ha guy: When someone gives me the whole "you should love your parent's no matter what" lecture, I tell them that I'll visit my parents if they come with me.

Of those who have taken me up on that offer, every one has chickened out when I tell them that they have to register with the Warden to get approval.


I had a friend meet my mother recently ... a few months before she died.
He apologized to me for assuming that I was exaggerating and just being a dick.
Turns out she was a biatch to my dad and didnt care if other people saw it.
LOL

/no dying didnt make her more of a biatch. hell, it probably actually mellowed her out. but turbo biatch is turbo biatch.
 
2013-02-25 03:56:10 PM

namatad: I did. Took me 33 years and then a bunch of therapy.
I am STILL working on learning that it is NOT my job to fix people. Your mom is broken. Your are not her primary care giver. You cant fix her. The only thing that you CAN do is be supportive if and when she gets help and not let her cause damage in your life.

I had a sister tell me point blank that I HAD TO LOVE MY MOTHER. Really? No. No I do not.
That respect your elders/parents trap is so deadly, to so many, for so long.


That's rough.

I'm very much a fan of the idea of respecting everyone, but don't HAVE to feel anything for someone that you don't actually feel. And then some of those people will demonstrate that they are not even worthy of respect. Stay away from those folks.
 
2013-02-25 03:56:26 PM
Geez, some of you farkers have even worse family than I do.

Cut those bastards off, move, change your farking name, OK?


"What's-a behind me is not important. "
 
2013-02-25 03:57:06 PM

Okieboy: Spentmiles

My male co.....

This is why I favorited you so long ago!


I have spentmiles favorited as "Magnificent Bastard Troll Storyteller".
 
2013-02-25 03:58:31 PM

syzygy whizz: Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.

My youngest cat comes to work with me during my weekend shift.  Sometimes we need to stop at the store before going into work.  I bring her into the store with me...in her carrier.

She's used to this, well-behaved, doesn't kick up a fuss...and has her own 'fan club' of employees who greet her and like to give her a scritch or snuggle.
Couple times she's helped distract/calm down a fussy kid, too..."Wanna pet the kitty?" can be almost magical in its silencing power.

She doesn't come with me unless it's a stop we're making before heading off to work though...


Thank you for the breath of sanity. Its not that we think our pets are children. They're pets. They are meant to be loved. Not like kids though. And the doh thing, well I already explained but some farkers seem to have issue with that.
 
2013-02-25 03:59:35 PM

Zasteva: namatad: mhmm
sounds like she is being a manipulative little biatch, doesnt it. pretty healthy of her.

I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. Some people are comfortable with their own sexuality and attractiveness. As long as she's basically just flirting and enjoying the effect I don't see any problem with it.

She should be able to flirt with anybody and feel safe doing it. Unfortunately in our society many men take being flirted with as a promise of sex, and feel like they are owed if there's no follow-thru.

So it could be pretty healthy of her. But it's possible she's got harmful intentions or is just clueless, in which case I'd say that wouldn't be healthy. Her uncle probably has a better sense of that than either of us do.


I agree with the jumping to conclusions.
but what we were presented with was a bit more than harmless flirting and ...
not sure you are supposed to sexually flirt with your relatives. certainly a bit creepy to me.

While I am not against flirting in general, and agree completely that it is not a promise of sex, ....
I still feel a bit of the "it is teasing" and teasing sucks.
Flirting when you are out at bar, as part of the game, fine.
Flirting with your uncle? meh, that is that last time you get an xmas present from me!!
 
2013-02-25 04:00:58 PM

namatad: The ones who got help and cut off the arm did better.


My brother "cut off the arm" when we were kids as we have very different ways of dealing with our family issues: I do things straight up and head on. He runs away. So with the exception of phone calls, he's pretty much cut off my parents. But he cut me off with it too. At his wedding this year, I jokingly complimented him on his new family (who is WONDERFUL), saying "Gosh, bro, you did quite an upgrade! I guess I'm never going to see around you on Xmas anymore! Ha ha!" He looked at me completely sternly and told me I was absolutely right. Yep, I actually cried for all the wrong reasons at my brother's wedding. I thought we were at least trying to reconnect (his new wife has been helping though).

My point is, be careful who you cut off. A lot of people can get hurt. My mother on Christmas morning this year went on a tirade that we have no family. She's absolutely right.
 
2013-02-25 04:04:09 PM

Moonfisher: Sorry, gramps, but once they start getting lumpy, it's time to tone down the touching.  My dad used to pinch our asses, which he thought was the height of hilarity.  I was the middle child of three girls, and he continued that crap from the time we were walking on up until we each walked out the door.  When we hit our teens and started dodging him and getting angry, he just thought it was funnier.  Jokes about our boobs were also apparently hilarious.  It was awesome being 12, feeling awkward about your budding breasts, and having a dad that made wisecracks that your were going to "give yourself a black eye with those things" whenever you ran, jumped rope, etc.

Dick.



I'm gonna need pics of you at age 12 to see if your dad was accurate, or just joking.
 
2013-02-25 04:04:28 PM
thumbnails.hulu.com
 
2013-02-25 04:05:36 PM

jayphat: But get the fark over yourself if you think a dog that is there to keep old people from offing themselves is a problem.


I go out of my way to shop at, give business to, etc establishments which are animal-friendly.  There are a few places near me which welcome dogs at the resturant (in the outside areas, yes, but none the less...).  The W hotels tend to allow dogs and cats (other animals at manager approval).  Etc, etc.

But ya know what?  They're still pets/friends/whatnot.  Why should someone in their 30s with a well-behaved animal not have the same ability to bring their dog in, as someone in their 80s?  The whole "service animal" thing has always bugged me...mostly because my dogs behave better than most of those "service animals" (which tend to be deformed little munchkin rat dogs) yet they're not allowed.  Maybe grandma and grandma shouldn't have changed society into a place where older generations are shunned - that was their generation's doing, after all.  My generation is forgiving them for it, and letting them move in with us in record numbers (something like 1/4 of the households with heads-of-households in their 30s or 40s also have a set of the parents of the heads-of-households now)...but the mess was started by them.  You're a worthless person if you don't have your own toys, cars, house, planet, moon, starbase, wine glass, winery, etc.

Woah, what a tangent...

Anyway, let them have their dogs.  I want mine too, though.
 
2013-02-25 04:13:21 PM
One stepdad's advice after ten years of stepparenting:

1. Kids aren't there to meet your needs; you're there to meet theirs. (Their actual needs, not the ones you wish they had, ya perv.)
2. You're never entitled to give or receive affection. It's a privilege.
3. Don't violate the above rule unless you're comfortable with the kid thinking of you as basically being a hug rapist.
4. Any kid who has stopped asking you to pick him or her up is too old to touch below the shoulder blades.
5. When the kid lets go, the hug ends. No exceptions.
6. The less you like these rules, the more you should probably follow them.
 
2013-02-25 04:14:44 PM

docilej: Would of been a better story if it was the grandmother.


I'm gonna go out on a limb and conclude you meant would've or would have.
 
2013-02-25 04:17:45 PM

Kazrath: DROxINxTHExWIND: Dear Abby, how can you help me to convince them that I should be able to rub and touch them? Also, can you please give me validation by talking about how unreasonable they are being so that I can continue acting like an innocent old man who doesn't get it?

I don't think that is what he is complaining about.  I think he complaining due to the fact they never asked him to stop yet completely abandoned him.  I can fully understand where he is coming from.  You have a little girl that likes to throw her arms around you to get a hug, likes being picked up, or snuggling every time she see's you.  You become so used to the behavior it becomes a huge shock when all of a sudden out of the blue it is completely unwelcome because you still see her as that same little girl.  However, massaging is a little weird in "US" society.


This isn't what happened. Grandpa went way over the line one day and that's why they're keeping their distance. But he's not going to admit that to Abby now, is he?
 
2013-02-25 04:20:11 PM

andyofne: weave: [...] If she posts a cute pic on Facebook, I don't click like. Common sense stuff.


Uh, there's nothing wrong with clicking "like" on family pictures.

^^^ You  - are clueless. ^^^
 
2013-02-25 04:20:19 PM

LowbrowDeluxe: Strix occidentalis: Ugh.  Relatives who think they're just being affectionate are the worst.

I may look like I'm still twelve,

*clicks profile*

but I'm  twenty-three

How YOU doin'?

 and in a committed relationship.

Dammit.  So many clicks wasted, like tears in the rain....


Roy?
 
2013-02-25 04:21:04 PM

FuzzyPinkMatrix: One stepdad's advice after ten years of stepparenting:

1. Kids aren't there to meet your needs; you're there to meet theirs. (Their actual needs, not the ones you wish they had, ya perv.)
2. You're never entitled to give or receive affection. It's a privilege.
3. Don't violate the above rule unless you're comfortable with the kid thinking of you as basically being a hug rapist.
4. Any kid who has stopped asking you to pick him or her up is too old to touch below the shoulder blades.
5. When the kid lets go, the hug ends. No exceptions.
6. The less you like these rules, the more you should probably follow them.


OMG I want to frame this and give it to my mother.
 
2013-02-25 04:22:23 PM
People are sexualizing almost everything these days. What used to be normal back then (even in the 80s) can now be thought of as sexual harassment now! A simple massage, hug, rub aren't sexual acts. Those are normal ways family members express love and affection for each other.

Now if the grandpa suddenly drooled over his grandkids and instead of just rubbing their neck he started groping and mashing their boobs while "flicking" their lower lips, well that's sexual harassment.
 
2013-02-25 04:27:43 PM

namatad: Zasteva: namatad: mhmm
sounds like she is being a manipulative little biatch, doesnt it. pretty healthy of her.

I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. Some people are comfortable with their own sexuality and attractiveness. As long as she's basically just flirting and enjoying the effect I don't see any problem with it.

She should be able to flirt with anybody and feel safe doing it. Unfortunately in our society many men take being flirted with as a promise of sex, and feel like they are owed if there's no follow-thru.

So it could be pretty healthy of her. But it's possible she's got harmful intentions or is just clueless, in which case I'd say that wouldn't be healthy. Her uncle probably has a better sense of that than either of us do.

I agree with the jumping to conclusions.
but what we were presented with was a bit more than harmless flirting and ...
not sure you are supposed to sexually flirt with your relatives. certainly a bit creepy to me.

While I am not against flirting in general, and agree completely that it is not a promise of sex, ....
I still feel a bit of the "it is teasing" and teasing sucks.
Flirting when you are out at bar, as part of the game, fine.
Flirting with your uncle? meh, that is that last time you get an xmas present from me!!


Here are the rules:

Are you related?  If yes, no flirting.  If no, flirt, but only if you're interested.

Got it?  Related != Flirting
 
2013-02-25 04:29:36 PM

GreenSun: People are sexualizing almost everything these days. What used to be normal back then (even in the 80s) can now be thought of as sexual harassment now! A simple massage, hug, rub aren't sexual acts. Those are normal ways family members express love and affection for each other.

Now if the grandpa suddenly drooled over his grandkids and instead of just rubbing their neck he started groping and mashing their boobs while "flicking" their lower lips, well that's sexual harassment.


It's not about sex! I exceedingly doubt the girls think that grandpa wants to do them.

What it is about is many adults have a hard time recognizing that children, as they grow up, require their own personal space.
 
2013-02-25 04:31:54 PM

namatad: vudukungfu: Moonfisher: Sorry, gramps, but once they start getting lumpy, it's time to tone down the touching.  My dad used to pinch our asses, which he thought was the height of hilarity.  I was the middle child of three girls, and he continued that crap from the time we were walking on up until we each walked out the door.  When we hit our teens and started dodging him and getting angry, he just thought it was funnier.  Jokes about our boobs were also apparently hilarious.  It was awesome being 12, feeling awkward about your budding breasts, and having a dad that made wisecracks that your were going to "give yourself a black eye with those things" whenever you ran, jumped rope, etc.

Dick.

EWEWEWEWEWEW ew EW
You just managed to creep out creepy Unka Vudu.
Yik

I watched my brother-in-law do this to my niece. It is what we adults call abuse. Strange, she has daddy issues now. What a SHOCK.

THEY might think that it is just joking and teasing, but they also think that bullying is good for people and they should just MAN UP.
Mental abuse is easily much worse than physical abuse (yes, your mileage may vary).


Correct.  While he never molested us or did anything sexual beyond what I have described above, he did beat the snot out of us whenever he had a bad day at work and tell us how ugly we were.  There was absolutely no respect for us, our self-esteem, or our bodies.  I think the lack of respect and teasing did a lot more damage to our mental health than the actual beatings did.
 
2013-02-25 04:32:27 PM

ferretman: airsupport: Dear Abby:

My granddaughters' vaginas are becoming a little pungent for my tastes. Do I bring this up with my son at the next family gathering?

Only solution now:

[i3.kym-cdn.com image 594x396]


Why go all the way to the Pegasus galaxy when you can do that here?
 
2013-02-25 04:39:21 PM

namatad: I did. Took me 33 years and then a bunch of therapy.
I am STILL working on learning that it is NOT my job to fix people. Your mom is broken. Your are not her primary care giver. You cant fix her. The only thing that you CAN do is be supportive if and when she gets help and not let her cause damage in your life.

I had a sister tell me point blank that I HAD TO LOVE MY MOTHER. Really? No. No I do not.
That respect your elders/parents trap is so deadly, to so many, for so long.



For me it was my dad. He was an alcoholic and he spent years physically abusing me and my mother. When I got older I hated him with a passion for it but I offered to help him get off the booze. He refused everything I proposed. Then as he grew older he began to mellow(after everybody moved away from him and he was left alone, though he was still an alcoholic) and in many ways so did I(I quit worrying). A few years ago he suffered a massive stroke. The truely ironic thing was that as he lay in a coma from the stroke, and the family knew that he was never coming back from it, it was me who had the decision to stop the life support he was recieving since my sister was not there to help me decide. The thought of all those years of abuse came flooding back to me and it was difficult to rationalize what I had to do with what had happened in the past. That I had his life in my hands after all of my suffering at his hands. At the time it felt like it was revenge on my part and I sure as hell never wanted to be the one to make that decision regarding his life. Knowing it had to be done to prevent his suffering I consented to it with a heavy heart. It's something that still weighs on me to this day but I don't regret the choice I made. And I certainly hope he would have done the same if it had come to that point with me the one in the coma. and you are correct that it's not our jobs to FIX our parents. especially when they don't want to be fixed.

/CSB
 
2013-02-25 04:40:37 PM
i think maybe the kiddies did ask gramps to quit about a gaIllion times and he just ignored it. KIds are not allowed to have opinions and neither are the women folk.
 
2013-02-25 04:44:58 PM
Grandma "Take me home!"
 
2013-02-25 04:49:05 PM

irreverend mother: i think maybe the kiddies did ask gramps to quit about a gaIllion times and he just ignored it. KIds are not allowed to have opinions and neither are the women folk.


You could be right but I also think It's possible that they didn't want to hurt grandpa's feelings and decided that staying away was the best way to not do it. Of course they could also be like many young adults and they just don't want to be around grandpa/grandma regardless. Much like many kids do with parents when they grow up. I can understand both.
 
2013-02-25 04:54:14 PM

the_foo: Impossible to say from reading a tiny bit of one side. There are people out there who either just don't like any sort of contact, or even read something inappropriate into innocent gestures. Or gramps could be a perv.


Right and those people don't have to tolerate the contact, even if the toucher doesn't intend anything inappropriate.
 
2013-02-25 05:25:04 PM

Moonfisher: namatad: vudukungfu: Moonfisher: Sorry, gramps, but once they start getting lumpy, it's time to tone down the touching.  My dad used to pinch our asses, which he thought was the height of hilarity.  I was the middle child of three girls, and he continued that crap from the time we were walking on up until we each walked out the door.  When we hit our teens and started dodging him and getting angry, he just thought it was funnier.  Jokes about our boobs were also apparently hilarious.  It was awesome being 12, feeling awkward about your budding breasts, and having a dad that made wisecracks that your were going to "give yourself a black eye with those things" whenever you ran, jumped rope, etc.

Dick.

EWEWEWEWEWEW ew EW
You just managed to creep out creepy Unka Vudu.
Yik

I watched my brother-in-law do this to my niece. It is what we adults call abuse. Strange, she has daddy issues now. What a SHOCK.

THEY might think that it is just joking and teasing, but they also think that bullying is good for people and they should just MAN UP.
Mental abuse is easily much worse than physical abuse (yes, your mileage may vary).

Correct.  While he never molested us or did anything sexual beyond what I have described above, he did beat the snot out of us whenever he had a bad day at work and tell us how ugly we were.  There was absolutely no respect for us, our self-esteem, or our bodies.  I think the lack of respect and teasing did a lot more damage to our mental health than the actual beatings did.


my wife's dad did this to her when things became too stressful for him on rare occasion, when she was a kid. Somehow it seems she has forgiven him, but her self image has clearly never recovered.
 
2013-02-25 05:32:24 PM
When did fark turn into motherless?
 
2013-02-25 05:34:36 PM

timujin: Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.

Thing is, those might be service dogs.  I don't know about other states, but in California they have them for more than just blind people.  Apparently separation anxiety and agoraphobia are also valid reasons.  And there's nothing the manager can do about it anyway, if he asks and they say it's a service dog, that's the end of the conversation.  He can't even ask for documentation.


Thing is, they're not service dogs.  They're comfort animals.  Different thing. Doesn't carry the same protections.

Also, while you can't discriminate for certain specific reasons, you can refuse service to anyone without giving a reason.  "We don't want you as a customer.  No, it isn't the little rat you're carrying around.  No reason, really.  Just don't want you here.  Leave, or we'll call the cops and have you cited for trespassing."

Did it plenty of times working at a bar. Had some guy complain he wanted to "see the manager". I told him I'd give him the owner's contact info.  I wrote down the owner's name, phone number, my name, and said, "remember to tell him I called you a douchebag", and wrote at the bottom of the piece of paper DOUCHEBAG.  Handed it to him and told him to GTFO.

Ran in to the owner a couple of weeks later. "Ron, did you call a customer a douchebag?"  "Why yes, and in my desire to give thorough service, I wrote it down for him, too."
 
2013-02-25 05:39:38 PM

Lollipop165: My mother has some sort of depression. (my guess is manic depression).

When I was about 26 or so, I was sleeping over her house in my old bedroom after a night out with friends. I wake up and she's taking pictures of me. Pictures of me sleeping. I ask her to stop doing that. She continues. I tell her again. She continues. I yell at her "WTF is wrong with you? Get out! And she didn't speak to me for 3 months and then made me apologize to her.

She also had a habit of trying to snuggle in my bed with me, hold my hand as we walk down the street, and so on. Things that are just odd to do to a 30-something year old daughter. Or maybe I just think it is weird because I don't particularly like her. Her emotions are so unpredictable and erratic I can't take it any more - my friends tell me I should just walk away from the relationship but who the fark can do that to their sick mother?


Wasn't this the plot to Alfred Hitchcock's "Marnie?"
 
2013-02-25 05:40:52 PM
Fake.
 
2013-02-25 05:43:26 PM

Virtuoso80: spentmiles: Then it got weird.

Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?


Really?  You're not sure if serious? Really?
 
2013-02-25 05:53:17 PM

draa: irreverend mother: i think maybe the kiddies did ask gramps to quit about a gaIllion times and he just ignored it. KIds are not allowed to have opinions and neither are the women folk.

You could be right but I also think It's possible that they didn't want to hurt grandpa's feelings and decided that staying away was the best way to not do it. Of course they could also be like many young adults and they just don't want to be around grandpa/grandma regardless. Much like many kids do with parents when they grow up. I can understand both.


It's possible, but considering that people who can't read body language that's shouting "please stop with the shoulder massage" are usually also bad at reading verbal communication of the same message, I'm inclined to believe they've said things many times.  Perhaps just not as forcefully as they could have for fear of making a big scene.
 
2013-02-25 05:54:13 PM

MisterRonbo: timujin: Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.

Thing is, those might be service dogs.  I don't know about other states, but in California they have them for more than just blind people.  Apparently separation anxiety and agoraphobia are also valid reasons.  And there's nothing the manager can do about it anyway, if he asks and they say it's a service dog, that's the end of the conversation.  He can't even ask for documentation.

Thing is, they're not service dogs.  They're comfort animals.  Different thing. Doesn't carry the same protections.

Also, while you can't discriminate for certain specific reasons, you can refuse service to anyone without giving a reason.  "We don't want you as a customer.  No, it isn't the little rat you're carrying around.  No reason, really.  Just don't want you here.  Leave, or we'll call the cops and have you cited for trespassing."

Did it plenty of times working at a bar. Had some guy complain he wanted to "see the manager". I told him I'd give him the owner's contact info.  I wrote down the owner's name, phone number, my name, and said, "remember to tell him I called you a douchebag", and wrote at the bottom of the piece of paper DOUCHEBAG.  Handed it to him and told him to GTFO.

Ran in to the owner a couple of weeks later. "Ron, did you call a customer a douchebag?"  "Why yes, and in my desire to give thorough service, I wrote it down for him, too."


Was this in California or Florida?
 
2013-02-25 05:55:37 PM

Begoggle: Virtuoso80: spentmiles: Then it got weird.

Too late. I'm not even sure if serious. What kind of workplace tolerates behavior like that? And, comming from knowing women at times who would slap you with a harassment suit if you touched their arm the wrong way, did you really just put up with that?

Really?  You're not sure if serious? Really?


Haha, I know--only thing I could assume is that it's a reverse troll.
 
2013-02-25 06:13:00 PM
I'm going with him ignoring repeated and clear requests for him to stop. His granddaughters have cut off all communication from him and he's still going on about the massages. I'm not sure what his deal is but he seems fixated on massaging them even when they are clearly uncomfortable.
 
2013-02-25 06:15:46 PM

IamAwake: j

Anyway, let them have their dogs.  I want mine too, though.


In a grocery store?

No. Farking. Way.

I was in a little corner grocery store.  They have the loaves of french bread, where the bread is sticking out the end of the package.  Some idiot brings his dog in, the thing's wet nose is poking in to the bread.  Disgusting.

And some people are allergic to dogs.

If, say, a hair salon or a clothing store wants to be animal friendly, or some other place that doesn't exist primarily to dispense food or drink, cool. If the grocery store wants to be animal friendly, find a nice shady spot where you can tie the thing up, have some water bowls out, etc.  But keep the things away from the food.

Do you really need the thing with you at all times?  If you're so utterly unable to be away from rover for ten damn minutes, get your groceries delivered.
 
2013-02-25 06:20:01 PM

timujin: MisterRonbo: timujin: Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.

Thing is, those might be service dogs.  I don't know about other states, but in California they have them for more than just blind people.  Apparently separation anxiety and agoraphobia are also valid reasons.  And there's nothing the manager can do about it anyway, if he asks and they say it's a service dog, that's the end of the conversation.  He can't even ask for documentation.

Thing is, they're not service dogs.  They're comfort animals.  Different thing. Doesn't carry the same protections.

Also, while you can't discriminate for certain specific reasons, you can refuse service to anyone without giving a reason.  "We don't want you as a customer.  No, it isn't the little rat you're carrying around.  No reason, really.  Just don't want you here.  Leave, or we'll call the cops and have you cited for trespassing."

Did it plenty of times working at a bar. Had some guy complain he wanted to "see the manager". I told him I'd give him the owner's contact info.  I wrote down the owner's name, phone number, my name, and said, "remember to tell him I called you a douchebag", and wrote at the bottom of the piece of paper DOUCHEBAG.  Handed it to him and told him to GTFO.

Ran in to the owner a couple of weeks later. "Ron, did you call a customer a douchebag?"  "Why yes, and in my desire to give thorough service, I wrote it down for him, too."

Was this in California or Florida?


California. San Francisco, specifically.
 
2013-02-25 06:23:44 PM

Moonfisher: Sorry, gramps, but once they start getting lumpy, it's time to tone down the touching.  My dad used to pinch our asses, which he thought was the height of hilarity.  I was the middle child of three girls, and he continued that crap from the time we were walking on up until we each walked out the door.  When we hit our teens and started dodging him and getting angry, he just thought it was funnier.  Jokes about our boobs were also apparently hilarious.  It was awesome being 12, feeling awkward about your budding breasts, and having a dad that made wisecracks that your were going to "give yourself a black eye with those things" whenever you ran, jumped rope, etc.

Dick.


Moonfisher: namatad: vudukungfu: Moonfisher: Sorry, gramps, but once they start getting lumpy, it's time to tone down the touching.  My dad used to pinch our asses, which he thought was the height of hilarity.  I was the middle child of three girls, and he continued that crap from the time we were walking on up until we each walked out the door.  When we hit our teens and started dodging him and getting angry, he just thought it was funnier.  Jokes about our boobs were also apparently hilarious.  It was awesome being 12, feeling awkward about your budding breasts, and having a dad that made wisecracks that your were going to "give yourself a black eye with those things" whenever you ran, jumped rope, etc.

Dick.

EWEWEWEWEWEW ew EW
You just managed to creep out creepy Unka Vudu.
Yik

I watched my brother-in-law do this to my niece. It is what we adults call abuse. Strange, she has daddy issues now. What a SHOCK.

THEY might think that it is just joking and teasing, but they also think that bullying is good for people and they should just MAN UP.
Mental abuse is easily much worse than physical abuse (yes, your mileage may vary).

Correct.  While he never molested us or did anything sexual beyond what I have described above, he did beat the snot out of us whenever he had a bad day at work and tell us how ugly we were.  There was absolutely no respect for us, our self-esteem, or our bodies.  I think the lack of respect and teasing did a lot more damage to our mental health than the actual beatings did.


Asshole. I have to say I get uncomfortable around my niece and her friends sometimes now. They're 12-year-olds who are all 5'9" and very 'lumpy', but haven't discovered bras yet. It's just...wrong. I wish I could say it doesn't trigger any male response from me, but it does. When they start jumping around, or whatever other hyperactive tween thing they decide to do, I'm either forced to pretend looking at the wall is really interesting, or else get the hell out of there.
 
2013-02-25 06:34:55 PM

MisterRonbo: timujin: MisterRonbo: timujin: Onkel Buck: I think the letter below creepy grandpa would have been a better discussion. Your dogs are not people, thats right THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE, you dont need to bring them everywhere with you.

Thing is, those might be service dogs.  I don't know about other states, but in California they have them for more than just blind people.  Apparently separation anxiety and agoraphobia are also valid reasons.  And there's nothing the manager can do about it anyway, if he asks and they say it's a service dog, that's the end of the conversation.  He can't even ask for documentation.

Thing is, they're not service dogs.  They're comfort animals.  Different thing. Doesn't carry the same protections.

Also, while you can't discriminate for certain specific reasons, you can refuse service to anyone without giving a reason.  "We don't want you as a customer.  No, it isn't the little rat you're carrying around.  No reason, really.  Just don't want you here.  Leave, or we'll call the cops and have you cited for trespassing."

Did it plenty of times working at a bar. Had some guy complain he wanted to "see the manager". I told him I'd give him the owner's contact info.  I wrote down the owner's name, phone number, my name, and said, "remember to tell him I called you a douchebag", and wrote at the bottom of the piece of paper DOUCHEBAG.  Handed it to him and told him to GTFO.

Ran in to the owner a couple of weeks later. "Ron, did you call a customer a douchebag?"  "Why yes, and in my desire to give thorough service, I wrote it down for him, too."

Was this in California or Florida?

California. San Francisco, specifically.


Ah.. thanks.  I looked up the law, though, and see there are other non-obvious conditions that might qualify this dog as a service animal.  To qualify, the dog has to be "trained to respond to the individual's needs...The process must have two steps: recognition and response. For example, if a service animal senses that a person is about to have a psychiatric episode and it is trained to respond, for example, by nudging, barking, or removing the individual to a safe location until the episode subsides, then the animal has indeed performed a task or done work on behalf of the individual with the disability."

So, if the woman has epilepsy, for instance, the dog could be trained to recognize an oncoming seizure.

You're right about the "comfort animal" part, though.  While they don't get all of the rights of a service animal, they do have certain rights.  For instance, with the proper documentation they can get around "no pets" policies when renting a house or apartment.

Your rat, though, doesn't qualify as a service animal:
Service animals are defined as dogs that are individually trained to do work or perform tasks for people with disabilities. Examples of such work or tasks include guiding people who are blind, alerting people who are deaf, pulling a wheelchair, alerting and protecting a person who is having a seizure, reminding a person with mental illness to take prescribed medications, calming a person with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) during an anxiety attack, or performing other duties. Service animals are working animals, not pets. The work or task a dog has been trained to provide must be directly related to the person's disability. Dogs whose sole function is to provide comfort or emotional support do not qualify as service animals under the ADA.
This definition does not affect or limit the broader definition of "assistance animal" under the Fair Housing Act or the broader definition of "service animal" under the Air Carrier Access Act.
 
2013-02-25 07:00:29 PM

airsupport: Dear Abby:

When my granddaughters were young, they used to love playing with Wrinkles The Clown.  They'd spend hours fishing around in my trousers for 'Ol Wrinkles, bring him out, give him little kisses and play dressup with a collection of small hats and vests I had made.

The last time I saw them, Thanksgiving 2009, Wrinkles came out to play, but they were "too old" to join in the fun, and threw quite a bit of a kerfuffle.  That broke Wrinkles' heart.  Now he just sits here, lifeless and droopy, like he's lost the will to live.   Abby, what should I do?


Signed,

Inmate 2202984
Slasenger County Jail
Special Offenders Unit


goddammit. You sick bastard. Yes, I lol'd.
 
2013-02-25 07:32:02 PM
Wow, so many farkers with strange and screwed up childhoods.

I have like the weirdest boner reading this thread.
 
2013-02-25 08:02:04 PM

Lollipop165: My mother has some sort of depression. (my guess is manic depression).

When I was about 26 or so, I was sleeping over her house in my old bedroom after a night out with friends. I wake up and she's taking pictures of me. Pictures of me sleeping. I ask her to stop doing that. She continues. I tell her again. She continues. I yell at her "WTF is wrong with you? Get out! And she didn't speak to me for 3 months and then made me apologize to her.

She also had a habit of trying to snuggle in my bed with me, hold my hand as we walk down the street, and so on. Things that are just odd to do to a 30-something year old daughter. Or maybe I just think it is weird because I don't particularly like her. Her emotions are so unpredictable and erratic I can't take it any more - my friends tell me I should just walk away from the relationship but who the fark can do that to their sick mother?


Hold you mom's hand, dick.
 
2013-02-25 08:04:19 PM

Tumunga: Lollipop165: My mother has some sort of depression. (my guess is manic depression).

When I was about 26 or so, I was sleeping over her house in my old bedroom after a night out with friends. I wake up and she's taking pictures of me. Pictures of me sleeping. I ask her to stop doing that. She continues. I tell her again. She continues. I yell at her "WTF is wrong with you? Get out! And she didn't speak to me for 3 months and then made me apologize to her.

She also had a habit of trying to snuggle in my bed with me, hold my hand as we walk down the street, and so on. Things that are just odd to do to a 30-something year old daughter. Or maybe I just think it is weird because I don't particularly like her. Her emotions are so unpredictable and erratic I can't take it any more - my friends tell me I should just walk away from the relationship but who the fark can do that to their sick mother?

Hold you mom's hand, dick.


I LOL'd....then golf clapped....now I'm in standing O mode.......
 
2013-02-25 08:15:53 PM

Maxor: Some branches of my family are more physically touchy than others I have a couple of cousins that I am fairly sure I'm not biologically related to (They are my step-grandmothers-granddaughters.). They are 3 and 4 years younger than me and when I was in my early 20's and they in their late teens they were both nice looking and enjoyed making inappropriate comments and veiled passes at both me and my male cousin a year older than me.   It was sorta creepy, and we were close growing up from being little kids till say age 10 on my end so they would have been 7ish and their parents moved about 2 hours drive away from the city the family was in.  After that we saw each other about twice a year until this started, and they both moved away from their parents house, toward the city where the  the rest of the family lived.

The really weird part was that there was at least some indications that they wanted to at least mess around to some extent.   I didn't and still don't know how to respond, though they have both grown up and gotten married in the last couple of years.  I don't know if it was some weird game to them or what but it wasn't a cool thing for me or him.


FarkinHostile: dallylamma: Nobody likes getting finger blasted by Grandpa.

Speak for yourself.

/Not MY grandpa
//That would be weird


MY grandpa has arthritis, and his finger knuckles are HUGE.
 
2013-02-25 08:16:04 PM

SirEattonHogg: Wow, so many farkers with strange and screwed up childhoods.



Are you implying that someone with a normal childhood would want to sit around arguing over the imaginary perverted actions of some made-up old dude whose letter was referenced in a column written by a dead woman?
 
2013-02-25 08:24:42 PM

Lollipop165: Nuuu: When the whole family saw my mom literally trembling with anger, and my great uncle dumbstruck with a big red imprint on his cheek, they where all aghast . . . at my mom for treating her uncle so disrespectfully.

Story of my life.

My personal favorite is when dad (who was always travelling - I mean he was home maybe 1 or 2 days a week) was seriously pissed off at 11 yo me when he found out I was going to the school guidance counselor to deal with my mother's alcoholism. Cause, you know, you don't talk about family issues.

Yep, it was my fault.


If you mom wasn't beating the shiat out of you, selling your ass on the street corner while your dad was working, or raping your shiathole with a plunger handle, you keep that shiat in house, you phuq. If I were your dad, your ass would have been living in a foster home...AND I would have kept the stereo.
 
2013-02-25 08:33:56 PM

FuzzyPinkMatrix: One stepdad's advice after ten years of stepparenting:

1. Kids aren't there to meet your needs; you're there to meet theirs. (Their actual needs, not the ones you wish they had, ya perv.)
2. You're never entitled to give or receive affection. It's a privilege.
3. Don't violate the above rule unless you're comfortable with the kid thinking of you as basically being a hug rapist.
4. Any kid who has stopped asking you to pick him or her up is too old to touch below the shoulder blades.
5. When the kid lets go, the hug ends. No exceptions.
6. The less you like these rules, the more you should probably follow them.


I'm guessing you have an ugly step-daughter.
 
2013-02-25 09:00:50 PM
Awkward

farm1.staticflickr.com
 
2013-02-25 09:02:51 PM
Awkward

totalfratmove.com
 
2013-02-25 09:06:46 PM
Awkward
sumtinrong.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-02-25 09:24:52 PM

amquelbettamin: Awkward


Awkward:
my2bucks.files.wordpress.com

/yeah, I know it was posted above, but it went with the flow
 
2013-02-25 09:29:46 PM
This thread feels like a Dear Prudence column. In fact she recently had an essay in Slate talking about how some adult children need to separate from their abusive parents and shouldn't feel guilty about it.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_wh at _do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html

The Debt: When terrible, abusive parents come crawling back, what do their grown children owe them?
 
2013-02-25 09:34:20 PM

spentmiles: My male co-worker is always coming up behind me and giving me massages.  He always says, "You're so tense, let me work on you a little bit."  He has hands like a gorilla, so strong and penetrating.  I feel like he's massaging muscles in my chest when he's rubbing my back.

He tells me I have a great physique, but I lift too much because everything is in knots.  Then he does this thing where he rubs his hands in my hair, over my ears, down my jaw line, and then slides his ring fingers into my mouth, pulling the sides apart while admonishing me for not smiling more.  It's like he's trying to stretch my lips and mouth cavity wider and wider.  Sort of freaks me out, but I do carry a lot of stress in my jaw.

Then the other day he said he wanted me to give me a flexibility test.  He takes this long, giant squash out of his bag.  The neck on the thing is like ten inches in diameter.  He told me to open my mouth as wide as I could.  I was sort of flabbergasted, like I was at a hypnotist show, so I just followed along.  He then used a long cue-tip to rub some sort of numbing agent in the back of my throat.  I was terrified, and worse, he started working the neck of the squash into my mouth, pulling at my lips, and nudging it deeper and deeper.  My brain was saying, "spit it out, struggle, throw up!"  But I couldn't get my body to respond.  Somehow or another he got the entire thing down my throat without me gagging.

Then it got weird.  He took out the squash and sat in my lap, facing me, his legs flowing over the back of my buttocks and hips.  He just stared into my eyes with his arms draped over my shoulders.  It was like I was something to dote over, like a perfect vase he'd made at Craft Camp.  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, at least twenty minutes, and I felt what I can only describe as an anteater mulling around between us.

I feel really uncomfortable around him.  And worse, he's invited me to his cabin, which I can't even find on Google Maps.  I want ...


Pocket Ninja, is that your alt?
 
2013-02-25 09:34:22 PM

MisterRonbo: Do you really need the thing with you at all times? If you're so utterly unable to be away from rover for ten damn minutes, get your groceries delivered.


You left out the part where I said only if they're well-behaved.  Same goes for children, too - those things should only be in public if they're well-behaved.
 
2013-02-25 09:41:59 PM
My grandpa was pretty much a bad ass. In 1939, my great uncle wrote my grandpa and told him about openings at mare island shipyard. He asked my grandma if she'd wait till the end of the war, she said and I qoute,"hell no".

So they were married the next day and drove from Liberty, Kansas to Mare island in California with $200 to their names. After the war, they moved back to Kansas and my grandpa starting working as a machinest and general handyman at the refinery. He worked at that position well into his 70's.

After he retired; he spent his time making stuff. Most notably; he laid down an entire gym floor in his late 80's for one of the local schools.

/ he died on a Thursday, three days short of his birthday; we buried him on Sunday.
 
2013-02-25 10:03:35 PM
I live 700 miles away from my grandma who is 93 and grandpa who is 97 and has cancer.  After my dad died when I was 12   my mom had a hard time acting like a decent parent sometimes. I spent  a fair amount of time with my grandparents, they were my stability at the point in my life. I haven't been able to afford to go see them in over 2 years. I would give damn near anything for my grandpa to be able to rub my shoulders or neck.
 
2013-02-25 10:14:59 PM
Awkward
www.witness.co.za
 
2013-02-25 10:20:37 PM

jenny next: the_foo: Impossible to say from reading a tiny bit of one side. There are people out there who either just don't like any sort of contact, or even read something inappropriate into innocent gestures. Or gramps could be a perv.

Right and those people don't have to tolerate the contact, even if the toucher doesn't intend anything inappropriate.


I had a grandmother who was VERY touchy/feely. She died when I was about 5 or 6, but she used to do this thing where she'd VERY lightly touch my arm and my face, and to this day (43 now) it still creeps me right the fark out no matter who does it.
 
2013-02-25 10:53:40 PM

Tumunga: FuzzyPinkMatrix: One stepdad's advice after ten years of stepparenting:

1. Kids aren't there to meet your needs; you're there to meet theirs. (Their actual needs, not the ones you wish they had, ya perv.)
2. You're never entitled to give or receive affection. It's a privilege.
3. Don't violate the above rule unless you're comfortable with the kid thinking of you as basically being a hug rapist.
4. Any kid who has stopped asking you to pick him or her up is too old to touch below the shoulder blades.
5. When the kid lets go, the hug ends. No exceptions.
6. The less you like these rules, the more you should probably follow them.

I'm guessing you have an ugly step-daughter.


I'm guessing this was the high point of your evening.
 
2013-02-25 11:01:03 PM

FuzzyPinkMatrix: Tumunga: FuzzyPinkMatrix: One stepdad's advice after ten years of stepparenting:

1. Kids aren't there to meet your needs; you're there to meet theirs. (Their actual needs, not the ones you wish they had, ya perv.)
2. You're never entitled to give or receive affection. It's a privilege.
3. Don't violate the above rule unless you're comfortable with the kid thinking of you as basically being a hug rapist.
4. Any kid who has stopped asking you to pick him or her up is too old to touch below the shoulder blades.
5. When the kid lets go, the hug ends. No exceptions.
6. The less you like these rules, the more you should probably follow them.

I'm guessing you have an ugly step-daughter.

I'm guessing this was the high point of your evening.


farm9.staticflickr.com
 
2013-02-25 11:35:42 PM

MisterRonbo: IamAwake: j

Anyway, let them have their dogs.  I want mine too, though.

In a grocery store?

No. Farking. Way.

I was in a little corner grocery store.  They have the loaves of french bread, where the bread is sticking out the end of the package.  Some idiot brings his dog in, the thing's wet nose is poking in to the bread.  Disgusting.

And some people are allergic to dogs.

If, say, a hair salon or a clothing store wants to be animal friendly, or some other place that doesn't exist primarily to dispense food or drink, cool. If the grocery store wants to be animal friendly, find a nice shady spot where you can tie the thing up, have some water bowls out, etc.  But keep the things away from the food.

Do you really need the thing with you at all times?  If you're so utterly unable to be away from rover for ten damn minutes, get your groceries delivered.


No more disgusting than most children. Who I see lick, touch, and smash plenty of food in the grocery...
 
2013-02-26 12:10:06 AM

moonage daydream: MisterRonbo: 

Do you really need the thing with you at all times?  If you're so utterly unable to be away from rover for ten damn minutes, get your groceries delivered.

No more disgusting than most children. Who I see lick, touch, and smash plenty of food in the grocery...


True, good point.

But: Can you leave small children home alone? Can you get (and afford) a babysitter every time you shop?

Versus: Can you leave rover home alone?

That's before I even get in to the teensy fact that one is a HUMAN BEING and the other is a farking PET.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.
 
2013-02-26 12:54:14 AM

MisterRonbo: moonage daydream: MisterRonbo: 

Do you really need the thing with you at all times?  If you're so utterly unable to be away from rover for ten damn minutes, get your groceries delivered.

No more disgusting than most children. Who I see lick, touch, and smash plenty of food in the grocery...

True, good point.

But: Can you leave small children home alone? Can you get (and afford) a babysitter every time you shop?

Versus: Can you leave rover home alone?

That's before I even get in to the teensy fact that one is a HUMAN BEING and the other is a farking PET.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.


A human being acting like an out of control animal rustles your jimmies less than a well-behaved dog whose only fault is being in the store?

Dog haters crack me up. Miserable folks.
 
2013-02-26 01:09:21 AM
When I was going through my pro wrestling phase (I wanted to be a wrestler), my step niece  (lonely little girl almost totally ignored by my brother and his frost wife) would not leave me and the people who were trying to tech me alone, One day as I shooed the girl out of the ring, she kicked me behind the knee as I turned around to continue. She scored a golden BB and ruined my knee. I couldn't stand for two weeks. End of career choice,

Her mother blamed me for rough housing with her.
 
2013-02-26 01:20:27 AM

Coelacanth: When I was going through my pro wrestling phase (I wanted to be a wrestler), my step niece  (lonely little girl almost totally ignored by my brother and his frost wife) would not leave me and the people who were trying to tech me alone, One day as I shooed the girl out of the ring, she kicked me behind the knee as I turned around to continue. She scored a golden BB and ruined my knee. I couldn't stand for two weeks. End of career choice,

Her mother blamed me for rough housing with her.


Heh. Frost wife.
 
2013-02-26 01:26:28 AM
moonage daydream:
A human being acting like an out of control animal rustles your jimmies less than a well-behaved dog whose only fault is being in the store?

Dog haters crack me up. Miserable folks.


Against my better judgment, I'm going to share with you. I have this crazy notion you might actually learn from it.

I was adopted by a sadist and a jerk with a violent temper. It happens.

My earliest memories, from when I was three, was the sadist telling her little rat dog to attack me.  Sometimes it would draw blood, usually I would just scramble up on to some furniture, terrified. She thought it was hilarious.

A few years later, I'm old enough to kick the dog off. But if I do, then I'm hurting her dog, and she'd tell me I was going to be in for trouble for that. Then when her neanderthal hubby got home, she'd goad him until he laid down a proper beating.  Oh, just some punches when I was really small.  I was six the first time he knocked me out cold (I woke up with a mouth full of blood and spit out a tooth).

Continue for several years. I didn't hate that dog, I felt sorry for it (and the one they got to replace it when it died).  I was a pawn, the dog was a pawn.

But after well over a hundred dog-attacks-then-I-get-a-beating repetitions, I was left with a real anxiety around dogs.  I get anxious, the poor animal gets anxious, it growls or acts threatening, and then I really want to end the perceived threat.

It isn't the animal's fault.  It isn't rational.  But it is a fact.

I'm telling you this in the hope that you're not a stupid person, not a jerk, but just can't imagine why anyone would not like that sweet doggy. Well, some people have reasons you cannot begin to guess.

So next time, stop to think that maybe some people can't be around those animals. Not for any logical reason. Not for any reason you might guess. Try to stretch your mind to think that there are reasons that you don't know, and that people deserve some respect.  Leave the damn dog at home.

Really. You don't need it with you. And maybe you don't know every farking reason why someone might object to it being there.

People. Animals. Priorities. Its a shame I have to explain this to you, but it seems I do.
 
2013-02-26 04:44:18 AM
Is this the grandpa in question?

s3-ec.buzzfed.com

From this thread a few days ago...

Link
 
2013-02-26 04:56:26 AM

Lollipop165: My point is, be careful who you cut off. A lot of people can get hurt. My mother on Christmas morning this year went on a tirade that we have no family. She's absolutely right.


I agree. but. I cut my mother off after 33 years. Countless attempts to try again. And leave the past in the past. Bust she was a right bastard. Right up until the day she died. Pure poison. Did she get "hurt"? of course. Was it my fault? Nope. I am only responsible for myself. I could not "fix" her. She refused to fix herself. She made life a living hell for everyone in the family. I chose to not be part of it.
She tried to come between my dad and me, I told him flat out that I had tried and I was done.
(Would I have accept peace offerings from her? Of course. But that would require that she admit that she was wrong and at fault. Never happened.)

She tried to drag all of my siblings into it.
sister #1: IF I have to suffer, you should suffer too!! um. no.
sisters 2/3: (twins): we are rational and have gotten therapy. we understand that you have decide to stop the madness and respect your decision. me: thank you
brothers: mom called and cried and cried and cried. it is all your fault. me: no it is not. and her trying to guilt you into quilting me into feeling guilt is never going to happen.
brothers: but but but she's your mother, me: (click)

I still talk to my father, the twins, my brothers; we are quite close. My father will never admit the hell of being married to that harpy, but you can see the weight is gone from his shoulders and he is free again.
Sister #1? Nope. Probably never again. She and her husband have gone out of their way to try and make my life a living hell. I am too old for that. I decide. No one else.
Could she ever change and admit her wrongs and apologies? sure. I gave up waiting a few years ago.

But I have also given up on the "pretend nothing evil has happened and just smile."
If you wait long enough, maybe people will forget how you treated them. At least until they do it again.
The fact that she is a full blown, raging alcoholic in full denial? Sure makes it a ton easier. At least her kids are grown and out of the house.

So should you be careful before you cut people off? OF course.
Should you get mad and just disown everyone? OF course not.
But how many years of abuse is needed for sufficient evidence that someone is not going to change and it is time to move on? In the end, I spent enough time with very good counsel to know when it is time to give up and move on. Some people are dead inside; unable to get help; unable to admit that they might be the problem; might have done wrong; might need help.

So you move on.
/csb
 
2013-02-26 05:02:29 AM

MisterRonbo: So next time, stop to think that maybe some people can't be around those animals. Not for any logical reason. Not for any reason you might guess. Try to stretch your mind to think that there are reasons that you don't know, and that people deserve some respect.  Leave the damn dog at home.

Really. You don't need it with you. And maybe you don't know every farking reason why someone might object to it being there.

People. Animals. Priorities. Its a shame I have to explain this to you, but it seems I do.


1) thank you for sharing
2) having lived with someone recently who is suffering an insane amount of PTSD (multiple rapes and parental abuse), I learned a little humility when it came to understand peoples' triggers. I will NEVER understand them. But that is ok. I UNDERSTAND that they exist. period. denying them is just re-victimizing the person, yet again.

simple. basic. respect.
I dont care why you dont want me to do X. I wont do X around you. If I have to do X all of the time, then I wont be around.

/dont get me started on moronic pet owners who think that I NEED TO GET A PET. FFS, I had them buy me fish once. FFS.
/some people will never get it. if they are abusive about it, they get put on ignore. TADA.
/there are no bad pets, just bad pet owners.
 
2013-02-26 09:41:39 AM
namatad

You really shouldn't do X, that's like so 2005
 
2013-02-26 10:20:05 AM
whenthelightsareoutIforgethesmygampy.jpg
 
2013-02-26 03:49:09 PM

FuzzyPinkMatrix: Tumunga: FuzzyPinkMatrix: One stepdad's advice after ten years of stepparenting:

1. Kids aren't there to meet your needs; you're there to meet theirs. (Their actual needs, not the ones you wish they had, ya perv.)
2. You're never entitled to give or receive affection. It's a privilege.
3. Don't violate the above rule unless you're comfortable with the kid thinking of you as basically being a hug rapist.
4. Any kid who has stopped asking you to pick him or her up is too old to touch below the shoulder blades.
5. When the kid lets go, the hug ends. No exceptions.
6. The less you like these rules, the more you should probably follow them.

I'm guessing you have an ugly step-daughter.

I'm guessing this was the high point of your evening.


Nope. That was.
 
2013-02-26 03:56:38 PM
Ah, parenting, where you walk the fine line between looking out for your kid and not chomping on the shiny hooks. Well played.
 
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