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(Kansas.com)   This is why you don't date a woman who argues by throwing lit firecrackers at you while you're in bed   (kansas.com) divider line 71
    More: Scary, Wichita Police Department, hackers  
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9293 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Feb 2013 at 10:53 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-25 09:25:36 AM
So the reason you don't date a woman who argues by throwing lit firecrackers at you while you're in bed is because she throws lit firecrackers at you while you're in bed?

I feel like maybe I missed something in the funny.
 
2013-02-25 10:57:03 AM
Don't try to cheat her in a drug deal, either.
 
2013-02-25 10:59:06 AM
I never knew they had a 'aggravated' arson charge, but it makes sense in this case, since nothing is more aggravating about arson in your bed than with you in it.

Don't worry, be happy

Some lady burned your bed
Now you have nowhere to lay your head

Don't worry, be happy, man

She's gone!
 
2013-02-25 11:01:55 AM
... something something CRACKERS IN BED something...
 
2013-02-25 11:02:41 AM
She wanted fireworks in the bedroom to get that spark back. What's the big deal?

And cocaine. She probably wanted cocaine.
 
2013-02-25 11:03:07 AM
She went out with bang - he went out with a whimper
 
2013-02-25 11:03:17 AM
BoogieNightsFirecrackerScene.png
 
2013-02-25 11:04:28 AM
starsmedia.ign.com
 
2013-02-25 11:07:17 AM
She'll get a slap on the wrist in court and the women on "The View" will laugh and say he deserved it.
 
2013-02-25 11:07:22 AM
And so she says to me she says "you wanna be a BAD guy?" And I says "yeah baby" and she says "you gotta have a gimmick."

This could happen to you, this could happen to ANYBODY.

/Churchillspaceponies
 
2013-02-25 11:12:21 AM
Dynomite makes a bigger impression.
 
2013-02-25 11:12:34 AM
www.hollywoodfeel.info

Unavailable for comment because she's having sexytime with me.

Don't laugh! She married Russel Brand, so obviously she has terrible taste in men
 
2013-02-25 11:14:35 AM
Sage advice indeed.
 
2013-02-25 11:20:03 AM
Hydraulic Ave??
 
2013-02-25 11:21:04 AM

Mega Steve: Unavailable for comment because she's having sexytime with me.

Don't laugh! She married Russel Brand, so obviously she has terrible taste in men


You. I like you.
 
2013-02-25 11:22:33 AM
This behavior is only acceptable if Night Ranger's "Sister Christian" is playing in the background and there is copious cocaine on hand.
 
2013-02-25 11:27:17 AM

Mangoose: So the reason you don't date a woman who argues by throwing lit firecrackers at you while you're in bed is because she throws lit firecrackers at you while you're in bed?

I feel like maybe I missed something in the funny.


So you're saying we shouldn't date a woman who throws lit firecrackers at us while we're in bed? And there's a reason for that?
 
2013-02-25 11:28:08 AM

DownDaRiver: Hydraulic Ave??



images.canadianlisted.com
 
2013-02-25 11:29:52 AM
FTFA:It could have been an attempt to simply put the spark back in the romance.

Oh Beccy Tanner of the  Wichita Eagle,you scamp.  James Joyce himself could never have dreamed of writing anything half as cunning as this.

Read more here: http://www.kansas.com/2013/02/24/2689292/after-argument-woman-sets-be d .html#storylink=cpy
 
2013-02-25 11:30:05 AM
I bet she's dynamite in the sack.
 
2013-02-25 11:30:53 AM

THX 1138: Read more here: http://www.kansas.com/2013/02/24/2689292/after-argument-woman-sets-be d .html#storylink=cpy


OK, that part wasn't there when I previewed my post.  What gives?
 
2013-02-25 11:31:37 AM
My mom used to toss firecrackers at my dad when he was watching TV. Just light one and lob it under the chair. They're divorced now..
 
2013-02-25 11:33:08 AM

sporkme: I bet she's dynamite in the sack.


Was about to post that, good to see somebody is on top of things

/DYNOMITE!
//also was expecting subby to have missed the Florida tag, Kansas... Close enough
 
2013-02-25 11:33:09 AM
I'm going to go out on a limb and say there are other reasons not to date this woman as well.

//dnrtfa as guessing is cringe worthy enough.
///powder burns?
 
2013-02-25 11:33:46 AM
But Italian and Spanish women are so hot :(
 
2013-02-25 11:35:09 AM
monsieurlion.com

/oblig

Ooops, your girlfriend rolled a bit too fare to the right.

/hot like firecracker
 
2013-02-25 11:35:36 AM
Can we assume she has red (or dyed red) hair?
It seems to fit the stereotype.
 
2013-02-25 11:36:03 AM
This is why you do not date women at 45 going through menopause.
hate me if you will sisters, but it is true.
 
2013-02-25 11:37:14 AM

borg: [starsmedia.ign.com image 160x225]


Came for the Boogie Nights firecracker kid, leaving without any drugs, just like in the movie
 
2013-02-25 11:42:56 AM

99.998er: This is why you do not date women at 45 going through menopause.
hate me if you will sisters, but it is true.


Now it makes sense, her feet were cold.
 
2013-02-25 11:44:43 AM

lack of warmth: 99.998er: This is why you do not date women at 45 going through menopause.
hate me if you will sisters, but it is true.

Now it makes sense, her feet were cold.


She just wanted to start a fire

/something, something in the dark?
 
2013-02-25 11:46:16 AM
Wait...they charged her with aggravated arson?  That's a felony in most places.  Unless I'm missing something, the firecrackers I'm used to might damage a mattress if the thing caught fire, but not felony level stuff.
 
2013-02-25 11:47:27 AM
A friend of mine named Beccy Tanner wrote that story and she told me it was the perfect Wichita story.
 
2013-02-25 11:49:25 AM
My only question: How many cats does she have?
 
2013-02-25 11:49:44 AM

lack of warmth: 99.998er: This is why you do not date women at 45 going through menopause.
hate me if you will sisters, but it is true.

Now it makes sense, her feet were cold.


Perhaps, or any other 1,578 reasons. Been there. Wear socks socks that do not match exactly deserves an ashtray to the skull.
 
2013-02-25 11:56:18 AM
This being Fark, I expected a couple ChallengeAccepted.jpgs

ITG holiday?
 
2013-02-25 12:05:21 PM
No, that is not the kind of woman you want to date.  That is the kind of woman you want to marry.
 
2013-02-25 12:27:14 PM
45? I thought this would be a story about two emancipated 16 year olds. What is your grown ass doing with firecrackers?

/Maybe she stole them from her son.
 
2013-02-25 12:45:02 PM
What was the name of the cereal, Prostitooties?

They don't snap, crackle or pop, they just lay there and bang.
 
2013-02-25 12:50:17 PM
media.scout.com
<br>
/approves
 
2013-02-25 12:50:24 PM

No Time To Explain: sporkme: I bet she's dynamite in the sack.

Was about to post that, good to see somebody is on top of things

/DYNOMITE!
//also was expecting subby to have missed the Florida tag, Kansas... Close enough


daveintexas.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-02-25 12:51:48 PM
damn you, html tag.
 
2013-02-25 12:52:03 PM

MBooda: What was the name of the cereal, Prostitooties?


Close. Trix.
 
2013-02-25 01:07:52 PM
So when they said she was a real firecracker in bed what they meant was......
 
2013-02-25 01:11:08 PM
Rammstein have a song about this:

Wollt Ihr das Bett in Flammen Sehen
 
2013-02-25 01:22:19 PM
cdn.florenceandthemachine.net

Wanted for questioning
 
2013-02-25 01:27:54 PM

99.998er: lack of warmth: 99.998er: This is why you do not date women at 45 going through menopause.
hate me if you will sisters, but it is true.

Now it makes sense, her feet were cold.

Perhaps, or any other 1,578 reasons. Been there. Wear socks socks that do not match exactly deserves an ashtray to the skull.


You said "socks" twice.  Are you sure you didn't mean rape?

/rape
 
2013-02-25 01:56:45 PM
Throwing lit firecrackers into my bed might just win me over completely.
 
2013-02-25 01:58:39 PM

hdhale: Wait...they charged her with aggravated arson?  That's a felony in most places.  Unless I'm missing something, the firecrackers I'm used to might damage a mattress if the thing caught fire, but not felony level stuff.


i don't know the law in that state, but most state's define arson (roughly) as fire or explosion.  it becomes aggravated if someone is inside the structure being burned or exploded.  so, by the letter of the law, it appears to be aggravated arson IF these firecrackers count as explosives

/ dnrtfa
 
2013-02-25 02:03:55 PM

blatz514: No Time To Explain: sporkme: I bet she's dynamite in the sack.

Was about to post that, good to see somebody is on top of things

/DYNOMITE!
//also was expecting subby to have missed the Florida tag, Kansas... Close enough

[daveintexas.files.wordpress.com image 325x451]


Showed up for the dynamite monkey.

Not leaving disappointed.
 
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