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(Daily Star)   Britain's thriftiest MILF beats recession by recycling tea bags three times, stealing toilet paper from public bathrooms and making her kids watch telly in the dark (w/pic)   (dailystar.co.uk) divider line 136
    More: Dumbass, MILF, Britain, toilet paper, recycling tea bags, paper towels, bathrooms  
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25542 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Feb 2013 at 2:38 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-24 09:31:55 AM
"And ration loo paper at home - six sheets are enough per visit!

Not if you're on a diet other than frozen pizza and ketchup packets like this pack of hobos...
 
2013-02-24 09:50:35 AM
neilbradley:  6 Sheets? In my household, that'd mean replacing underwear faster and going through laundry because of the mountain of skidmarks it'd create. On occasion, I've been known to go through an entire ROLL.

Tell your doctor. There's medicine for that.
 
2013-02-24 09:53:14 AM
Who uses toilet paper?

/why does my finger smell?
 
2013-02-24 10:04:56 AM

the ha ha guy: What she did is the retail equivalent of tearing a hundred dollar bill in half, shredding a $1 bill (to meet the 51% criteria), bringing one half of the hundred and a few unidentifiable scraps of the $1 to a bank to exchange for a new hundred dollar bill, then bringing the other half and more scraps to a second bank for a second hundred.


You can do that?
 
2013-02-24 10:18:44 AM
While many of her petty-theft/fraud habits have me seething, I just had to say one thing:

Keeley, 37, also re-uses tin foil...

Holy fark. either she is lying horribly about her age or her Les Miserablés lifestyle has not been kind to her skin. And that's her "ooh look, I'm going to be in the papers. I'd better tart myself up a bit" look too.
 
2013-02-24 10:57:59 AM
I drink a loose green tea (sencha) that's pretty good at 3 steepings.  Some people literally throw out the first steeping as it's pretty strong.  I can't imagine doing that with crappy bagged tea though.
 
2013-02-24 11:03:12 AM
At least she isn't stealing tea bags and recycling toilet paper.
 
2013-02-24 11:10:28 AM

Benjimin_Dover: Happy Hours:

I did steal some when I was in college once but stealing crappy toilet paper is a pain in the ass.


Smells what you did there.


Thanks - I didn't think it was that subtle but I'll take this opportunity to beg toilet paper makers to put their logo on the cardboard rolls. Seriously, I only buy TP about once a year and I buy the biggest package I can.

I don't know what brand I have now but I do know when I buy an inferior brand but I bought 24 rolls, so I've just got to put up with it.

If they have any confidence in their brand, they would spend a couple of cents and print their brand name on the cardboard roll to remind me that I like it and I should buy it again.

Instead, about once a year I find myself wondering what brand of TP to buy and I have no idea. I liked the last TP I bought, but I have no idea if it was Charmin, Angel Soft or Kiss My Ass.

It usually works out well, but sometimes it is noticeably bad.

What I'm trying to say to you toilet paper executives is that I have absolutely no brand loyalty to any of you. OTOH I have been programmed from a small age to ask for Coke instead of Pepsi. I can't explain why I like Coke instead of Pepsi, but their marketing wizards have convinced me it's better.

Toilet paper companies have completely failed in this respect. Wiping my ass with Charmin does not make me feel as good as sipping a Coca Cola - and I don't even think about brand when I wipe my ass. It's all about whether it cleans my ass without hurting it. If it does that, then I'm satisfied, but I'm not thinking Charmin is awesome.

Now when I buy TP I'm always confused. I don't remember what brand I have only 6 sheets of left. I see 5 or 6 brands that all look the same but at slightly different prices.

Do I go for the cheapest? Probably not. Do I go for the most expensive? Probably not either. Do I go for the brand I know? Well, not if you haven't done anything to imprint your brand in my head. This is the lesson Coke and Pepsi both know so well that TP manufacturers just can't grasp.

I just buy whatever (as long as it's not the most expensive or the cheapest) and hope it's good enough. As a consumer I would love to just know that I was buying Charmin because I believed it was the best. But I don't because there are 3-4 other brands that are on a par with it and they might be cheaper.

/first world problems.
 
2013-02-24 11:13:38 AM

jimmyego: "And ration loo paper at home - six sheets are enough per visit!

And how did you come up with 6 sheets formula bespoke for all mankind?


www.planetsmeg.com

One for up, one for down, and one for polish.
 
2013-02-24 11:21:26 AM

Larry Mahnken: One Two for up, one two for down, and one two for polish.

FTFMath
 
2013-02-24 11:26:24 AM

LordOfThePings: Larry Mahnken: One Two for up, one two for down, and one two for polish.
FTFMath


She's lenient compared to Rimmer.
 
2013-02-24 11:36:39 AM

Happy Hours: Benjimin_Dover: Happy Hours:

I did steal some when I was in college once but stealing crappy toilet paper is a pain in the ass.


Smells what you did there.

Thanks - I didn't think it was that subtle but I'll take this opportunity to beg toilet paper makers to put their logo on the cardboard rolls. Seriously, I only buy TP about once a year and I buy the biggest package I can.

I don't know what brand I have now but I do know when I buy an inferior brand but I bought 24 rolls, so I've just got to put up with it.

If they have any confidence in their brand, they would spend a couple of cents and print their brand name on the cardboard roll to remind me that I like it and I should buy it again.

Instead, about once a year I find myself wondering what brand of TP to buy and I have no idea. I liked the last TP I bought, but I have no idea if it was Charmin, Angel Soft or Kiss My Ass.

It usually works out well, but sometimes it is noticeably bad.

What I'm trying to say to you toilet paper executives is that I have absolutely no brand loyalty to any of you. OTOH I have been programmed from a small age to ask for Coke instead of Pepsi. I can't explain why I like Coke instead of Pepsi, but their marketing wizards have convinced me it's better.

Toilet paper companies have completely failed in this respect. Wiping my ass with Charmin does not make me feel as good as sipping a Coca Cola - and I don't even think about brand when I wipe my ass. It's all about whether it cleans my ass without hurting it. If it does that, then I'm satisfied, but I'm not thinking Charmin is awesome.

Now when I buy TP I'm always confused. I don't remember what brand I have only 6 sheets of left. I see 5 or 6 brands that all look the same but at slightly different prices.

Do I go for the cheapest? Probably not. Do I go for the most expensive? Probably not either. Do I go for the brand I know? Well, not if you haven't done anything to imprint your brand in my head. This is the lesson Coke and Pepsi both know so well that TP manufacturers just can't grasp.

I just buy whatever (as long as it's not the most expensive or the cheapest) and hope it's good enough. As a consumer I would love to just know that I was buying Charmin because I believed it was the best. But I don't because there are 3-4 other brands that are on a par with it and they might be cheaper.

/first world problems.


We call it John Wayne. It's rough, it's tough, and it don't take shiat off of anybody.
 
2013-02-24 11:39:59 AM

MBooda: In the dark?  How can they tell if there's a penguin on it?


3.bp.blogspot.com

Intercourse the penguin!
 
2013-02-24 12:10:20 PM
She's from Britland?
Probably saves money by bathing once a week and only using soap every other.
Doubt there's any deordorant in that house either.

Or, is that India I'm thinking of?
Eh, same same
 
2013-02-24 01:32:32 PM

thisiszombocom: reusing tea bags? really?  the flavor get pretty thin and bitter if i leave the tea bag for a second time.  its undrinkable.  but three times???


I think this comes down to your choice of tea.  Pretty much any lipton brand is going to be worthless after the first cup.  However, some of those good strong british teas are good 2-4 times.  Just saying, just because your tea is weak...
 
2013-02-24 01:54:20 PM

staplermofo: The idiots who go on about saving money are never the ones who say "I make the world's best southern drop biscuits, biryani and pasta".
Most of the world was dirt poor for most of history, and as a result, it's easy to learn to make delicious, nutritious food for pennies a day.  Learn to cook from grains, legumes and vegetables.  Please, everyone, learn.


Most of the world also lived ten feet away from the fields where that was growing, so buying a pack of Doritos would have cost five dollars instead of beans and rice, which  is not a healthy diet and will make you balloon like hell, being the same amount, and a TV dinner, which is the same price and has the same effect on your body but tastes like real food and doesn't make you have to juggle the math involved in the how-many-amino-acids-is-in-this-legume game, is one dollar.

This woman is a scammer. But 'delicious, nutritious food for pennies a day' depends on not only having the time to cook that food, but access to a) spices, which are farking expensive and b) healthy food, which is  also either expensive, or, if you exclusively ate things like oatmeal, beans, and rice, still not healthy anyway.
 
2013-02-24 02:08:20 PM

Day_Old_Dutchie: Cheapskatea can be really annoying with their sanctimonious bleating on about how you yourself are not saving money like they do.

They can always "get it cheaper" than you can, go around switching off lights in houses where they are guests, whipping out their goddamn coupons in the grocery check-out and arguing with the clerk..it's always MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!!!

Their goal is to live a frugal and unexciting life, annoy the hell out of everyone else with their "financial advice" (that may have been relevant in the 1940's) and finally to die rich

. Chirpy Chirpy CHEAP! CHEAP!


NSCSB:  My dad was like this and I've been left with lifelong issues around money as a result.  Predictably, I'm somewhat of a spendthrift by way of reaction, although I've gotten better about that with age.  I'm also reluctant to do anything that  "looks cheap".  At least he never resorted to lying or anything else I considered ethically shady in order to save a buck.

I'm not poor--I earn a good salary, and live within my means--but I'll certainly never be rich, either.  But I'm OK with that.  I enjoy life, certainly more than my dad did.
 
2013-02-24 02:33:23 PM

bestie1: I don't see the scamming. I remember being broke and looking for points of pride. Not letting people fark with me was one of them. I can afford a meal now and I let shiat go I shouldn't because it isn't worth it. 25 bucks to me is not a big deal right now. 10 years ago when I might have 200 in my bank account it was a really big deal.


Awesome, so you're the same sort of antisocial grifter who would fark over anyone else because you didn't feel like you got what you felt you deserved out of life. Most people are genuinely glad to help people who are genuine - there are still local restaurants that will feed you in exchange for labor, ask me how I know this - but they probably saw right through your antisocial assholishness, which only made you more bitter. Did your great-grandpa instill those values in you, too?
 
2013-02-24 02:35:31 PM

PsiChick: depends on not only having the time to cook that food, but access to a) spices, which are farking expensive and b) healthy food, which is also either expensive, or, if you exclusively ate things like oatmeal, beans, and rice, still not healthy anyway.


Time to cook? She's unemployed.(2) Spices cost nothing when they're not 'nailed down' {D} "healthy food", you say? what are these, prey tell? 5, where are they too expensives, so I can tell you off for buying them at an idiot's shop.

Nothing is healthy for you if you rely only on one ingredient  Rice, beans, oatmeal, multivitamins, bacon, herbs, smoked salmon, eggs, popcorn, elephant poop, potatoes, peanuts, oliveoil - eat any of these for long enough on their own, and some disease or another will kill you.

And you deliberately leave out the vegetables the staplerdude included in the bit you quoted. Poor show. You suck at baiting.

*middlefinger*
 
2013-02-24 02:37:35 PM
What?

No one's called her a cooont yet?

Fark be slippin'
 
2013-02-24 04:42:04 PM
She sounds pikey.
 
2013-02-24 05:10:12 PM

Happy Hours: wildcardjack: The person actually cleaning the houses isn't going to make much money. But if you would recruit a handful of cleaners and find them work in exchange for 15% you'd come out ahead.

There's a free business model for ya miss. If you can't make that work then it's your own damned fault.

Good thing nobody's thought of it already/ Oh, wait, they have.

It can't really be that easy. You have to recruit low-income unskilled labor and manage them. Quite a few of them will be short-term workers or you'll have problems scheduling them. Some of them will probably be dishonest and will steal from your clients - not good. Some will just be worthless.

Heh - my family had a weekly maid when I was a kid. She drove a Cadillac when my parents drove Chevys. Okay, so it wasn't a new Caddy but it still had to be a Cadillac. She didn't get paid a lot, but it was a fair wage and my parents helped her out with interest free loans and even free money when she got into financial binds.

She didn't work for an agency. She worked for us - and probably about 4 other families. We found her through word of mouth. She was friendly, did a decent job and didn't steal shiat.

If I were to consider a maid from an agency I'd be afraid that she would be a biatch, wouldn't clean worth a shiat and would steal anything that she could.

As far as I can tell, most of these maid agencies get most of their work when people move meaning it's not regular work and what work they do get is along the lines of "My house is filthy and I'm supposed to clean it when I move."

Since someone in another thread suggested I host my own radio show, I'll offer you this:

A man needs a maid


kharakov: wildcardjack:
The person actually cleaning the houses isn't going to make much money. But if you would recruit a handful of cleaners and find them work in exchange for 15% you'd come out ahead.

There's a free business model for ya miss. If you can't make that work then it's your own damned fault.

You're probably joking.  If not, I'm tossing food to Tom, Bert, Bill, or another of the Huggins' clan.

  So now you have a handful of people who don't make enough to live, rather than a single individual.  You wouldn't happen to find Fox news informative, would you?


Oh lawdsy, I never dun thought being management could be such a biatch.

The reason people aren't making a living doing this stuff PART TIME is that they're doing it part time. If, as manager, you were doing the hard part, the high functioning sociopath part of sales in going around finding people who would like someone else to come over and "what does" as they say you would benefit your bevy of ladies who does. At this point you benefit more than any one of them, but they benefit for the added work. And since pricing would be task based rather than hourly there's a benefit to get things done quickly and with a minimum of fuss or conversation.

And we see in the article the woman has the management skills of a blue chip CEO. But perhaps the reason she doesn't have the agency up and running is that she's too much of a biatch. You know, can't afford to have friends, can't afford to make friends, forever alone.

/Geesh, it's like they don't teach Ricardo's law in highschool
 
2013-02-24 05:23:34 PM
I don't even wipe my ass with public restroom TP, and this chick steals it to take home?? Does she have any idea how much fecal matter is from hundreds of strangers is on that TP, which has been sitting there for god knows how long, flush, after flush. A single toilet flush can spray fecal particles in every direction for several feet...public TP is disgusting.
 
2013-02-24 05:26:21 PM
..and if I don't happen to have any personal TP in my bag, at the very least one should unroll and throw away the top one or two layers on the public roll.

/yes, I am an RN and slightly OCD about bodily fluids/solids.
 
2013-02-24 05:46:54 PM

PsiChick: staplermofo: The idiots who go on about saving money are never the ones who say "I make the world's best southern drop biscuits, biryani and pasta".
Most of the world was dirt poor for most of history, and as a result, it's easy to learn to make delicious, nutritious food for pennies a day.  Learn to cook from grains, legumes and vegetables.  Please, everyone, learn.

Most of the world also lived ten feet away from the fields where that was growing, so buying a pack of Doritos would have cost five dollars instead of beans and rice, which  is not a healthy diet and will make you balloon like hell, being the same amount, and a TV dinner, which is the same price and has the same effect on your body but tastes like real food and doesn't make you have to juggle the math involved in the how-many-amino-acids-is-in-this-legume game, is one dollar.

This woman is a scammer. But 'delicious, nutritious food for pennies a day' depends on not only having the time to cook that food, but access to a) spices, which are farking expensive and b) healthy food, which is  also either expensive, or, if you exclusively ate things like oatmeal, beans, and rice, still not healthy anyway.


How much does your satellite TV service cost a month, and how many hours a day are you "doing" that instead of cooking?
 
2013-02-24 06:33:49 PM

Kahabut: PsiChick: staplermofo: The idiots who go on about saving money are never the ones who say "I make the world's best southern drop biscuits, biryani and pasta".
Most of the world was dirt poor for most of history, and as a result, it's easy to learn to make delicious, nutritious food for pennies a day.  Learn to cook from grains, legumes and vegetables.  Please, everyone, learn.

Most of the world also lived ten feet away from the fields where that was growing, so buying a pack of Doritos would have cost five dollars instead of beans and rice, which  is not a healthy diet and will make you balloon like hell, being the same amount, and a TV dinner, which is the same price and has the same effect on your body but tastes like real food and doesn't make you have to juggle the math involved in the how-many-amino-acids-is-in-this-legume game, is one dollar.

This woman is a scammer. But 'delicious, nutritious food for pennies a day' depends on not only having the time to cook that food, but access to a) spices, which are farking expensive and b) healthy food, which is  also either expensive, or, if you exclusively ate things like oatmeal, beans, and rice, still not healthy anyway.

How much does your satellite TV service cost a month, and how many hours a day are you "doing" that instead of cooking?


Well, I have no idea how much the average person in that situation would answer, since I'm  not in that situation, but if you're working poor I'd hardly say it's unreasonable to think they might want to want to sit in front of the TV after spending hours at a ridiculously difficult job for almost nothing instead of cooking so you can feel better about their lives.
 
2013-02-24 08:19:09 PM

Happy Hours: I relit it myself (it's not that hard) and was happy again, but it pointed out to me that warm water stays kind of warm even when not constantly heated.


... and that's the way bacteria like it. If the water stays under 60 celcius for an extended amount of time, they start to grow rapidly and you may end up with legionellosis. This happens a lot in old folks homes, unfortunately.

You may want to look at an on-demand water heater that turns itself off inbetween instead.
 
2013-02-24 08:51:59 PM

ambienAnnie: ..and if I don't happen to have any personal TP in my bag, at the very least one should unroll and throw away the top one or two layers on the public roll.

/yes, I am an RN and slightly OCD about bodily fluids/solids.


My friends call me the Adrian Monk of the shiatter.  I have a "process" that is followed and each step in it is there for a specific reason and in a specific order.

1.  Flush the toilet and note if it is an "auto-flusher."  Be very very wary about how you cast shadows if it is.
2.  Use the first few layers of the TP to wipe the seat down and then toss it in the bowl so that it occupies the target drop zone.
3.  Use the paper commode condom things if they have them and if not, layer the seat with TP.
4.  Carefully undo the pants so that nothing touches anything. The pants don't leave my knees and certainly don't touch the floor.
5.  Carefully mount the seat so that nothing touches anything but the TP.
6.  Drop the stink pickle.
7.  Carefully dismount.
8.  Flush the toilet.

#1 is to establish that the toilet works before I invest any time on the rest of the process.  I also don't want to be inconsiderate of cleaning crew.  It also has to be done BEFORE the cleaning portion as some toilets are like geysers and would get the seat all wet again.
#1 also replaces the water in the toilet with the cleanest possible in that situation.  Bacteria multiply exponentially and if the water has been sitting for any length of time, it is a bacteria frapachino.
#2 establishes that there IS TP.  It would be a bad scene if it wasn't discovered that there wasn't any after the fact.
#2 is to reduce the potential for "splashback" which is the worst thing that could be experienced.  If there is splashback, then the previous steps mitigate it.
#5 #6 and #7 must be done very carefully if it is an auto-flusher or you might get horrified by a flush while your still on it.

There is also no such thing as a "courtesy flush."  If you're are in a latrine, it might stink.  Get used to it.  I won't be flushing the toilet I am sitting on so your nose is not offended.  Also, the turd is under water.  It isn't going to stink from there.  It gave off its wonderful aroma on its journey between my ass and the water.  Flushing it now won't help you.

I also don't understand how Europeans think that a bidet can be more sanitary.  How is splashing water all over the place better?  How do you get dry afterwards and how would you use one without taking off your pants to prevent getting them accidentally wet?  Taking my pants off would require me to take my shoes off and where would I stand without my shoes on?  Hell even at home, I am careful as I put my skivvies on so that I am not dragging my feet through them possibly leaving any material that might have stuck to them on the way from the shower to my room.  I will admit to being a freak about the whole thing, but I take great care in making sure that my nether region is squeaky clean at all times.
 
2013-02-24 09:31:10 PM

bestie1: If OWS smashes windows downtown it's ok because that's inline with your worldview.  If hard working people work the system then that won't do. Why?  Because you don't want to believe that people are on real hard times.  You believe everything just rosy and peachy because your Prof. told you it is so.  As long as it's some ironic hipster thing then it's ok.  Actually being in need and doing something about it yourself is not.


Says the movie thief.

Thanks for increasing the cost of movies for everyone else.

Douche bag.
 
2013-02-24 10:39:52 PM

Badgers: Happy Hours: I relit it myself (it's not that hard) and was happy again, but it pointed out to me that warm water stays kind of warm even when not constantly heated.

... and that's the way bacteria like it. If the water stays under 60 celcius for an extended amount of time, they start to grow rapidly and you may end up with legionellosis. This happens a lot in old folks homes, unfortunately.

You may want to look at an on-demand water heater that turns itself off inbetween instead.


60 C? What's that? 140 F? Okay...140 F is kind of warm. I'm not even sure my shower is that hot. But who the fark uses water that hot to wash their hands or brush their teeth?

NOBODY. That's who.

Hey man, did you know that when I was a kid I swam in a pond that was probably about 60 F (fark you - your turn to convert to celsius) and guess what? I survived.

If unheated water were really a problem people would be dying or at least getting sick from it, but we're not. We're fine. We're healthy. We have immune systems. Even elderly people survive the FUD that you are trying to spread about non-scalding water.

A quick google search tells me that temps over 115 F might even be dangerous so I'm pretty sure I take my showers with water well under 60C.
Goddammit people are stupid.
 
2013-02-24 11:26:56 PM

Lee Jackson Beauregard: Thanks for the Meme-ries: MILF?

If you mean Man Is Lightly Female, then yes.

She's a mother that subby would like to do.  Which says more about subby than anyone else.


Or it might say something about subby's mom.

/Obligatory, subs.
//Not personal.
 
Skr
2013-02-25 03:41:43 AM
Public toilet paper around here is akin to 1 ply sand paper. Shudder. Can take my quilted shiat paper from my cold dead hands.
 
2013-02-25 07:51:49 AM
it's watch THE telly (or TV)
no ONE says watch TV
it's always watch *THE* TV!!!
 
2013-02-25 08:40:09 AM

Jon iz teh kewl: it's watch THE telly (or TV)
no ONE says watch TV
it's always watch *THE* TV!!!


The family limits itself to 6 direct articles per day.
 
2013-02-25 10:17:16 PM

mr_a: Jon iz teh kewl: it's watch THE telly (or TV)
no ONE says watch TV
it's always watch *THE* TV!!!

The family limits itself to 6 direct articles per day.


go to hospital

do not pass go
do not collect £131.91
 
2013-02-26 04:59:01 AM
images.dailystar-uk.co.ukwww.toupeeornottoupee.com
 
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