Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Yahoo)   Note to people who need to kill someone: most "hit men" are undercover cops, so you'll just have to do it yourself   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass, school nurse, Roanoke Times, kindergartens, women's work  
•       •       •

6673 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Feb 2013 at 8:23 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-02-23 08:36:25 PM  
6 votes:
I was wondering why that 13year old girl I was sexting with was so ready to kill my wife for me.
2013-02-23 08:46:35 PM  
4 votes:
So when I advertise on Craigslist for a hitman, I'll just specify "no cops...."
2013-02-23 11:02:06 PM  
2 votes:
If you want someone dead just hack their facebook and post a manifesto about how that person is going to kill the cops and their families that did them wrong.
2013-02-23 08:56:49 PM  
2 votes:
From the comments:

"Well, at least she did not get busted for having sex with a student."

Pure gold right there.
2013-02-24 05:13:57 AM  
1 vote:

KrispyKritter: i have the TV on 24/7 in the background. mostly cop, true crime & forensic shows. the 'hire a hit man' bit never works out, even for millionaires, even if the arrest gets delayed many years. never, ever works. and even if you have the balls and you think you have the smarts to pull it off yourself you probably won't get away with it. way too many minor details, way too many things to go wrong. it's as stupid as thinking you can kidnap someone and successfully collect the ransom. real hard crimes are for real hard criminals, and most real hard criminals are already spending their lives behind bars or will be in a matter of time. short career / life span, that lot.

There aren't TV shows about the times it worked. Because it worked.
2013-02-23 11:54:04 PM  
1 vote:

EvilEgg: I was wondering why that 13year old girl I was sexting with was so ready to kill my wife for me.

I am not only willing to sext you, meet you in person, kill your wife and sell you enough U238 for a crude atomic device with complete instructions on how to assemble the weapon (kind of an atomic Ikea) but I'm only 12 years old and will bring my hot mom with me. All you need to give me is Justin Bieber's last CD.
2013-02-23 11:50:15 PM  
1 vote:
Here's how I'd do it:

Hire an illegal alien - not too hard to find. They deal with cash only and are affraid of talking to the cops. They'll probably do it for less than most and can blend back in to the shadows once the job is done.

Simple really. You just have to know how to speak a little Spanish.

You're welcome would be murders.
2013-02-23 11:23:27 PM  
1 vote:
What's wrong with doing it for fun?  Big money ruins all the best hobbies.
2013-02-23 10:56:44 PM  
1 vote:

Oldiron_79: thenooch: $8000 is not enough for a real hit...I wont work for less than 25k.

I never worked for so little, it betterbe a noble cause.

This is noble, sir. His wife is... crippled. His children are on the brink of starvation.
2013-02-23 10:47:50 PM  
1 vote:

redlegrick: You want to know where these idiots go looking for hitmen? They pick out the sh**tiest bar they can find in the sh**tiest part of town. If there's a Harley or two out front, more the better. They come in, buy one friggin' drink and nurse that while scoping out the potential killers in the crowd. When they decide on one, they buy 'em a drink and open with something lame about "You look like someone I know," or some s**t like that.
2013-02-23 10:31:07 PM  
1 vote:

ladyfortuna: Glancing Blow: Gergesa: I'm not sure how one would go about hiring a hitman but I would do my best to find a way to establish dead drops where prepaid cell phones would be the major way of communicating.

Start with known meth users.

What if you've led a life where you've managed to completely avoid anything of the sort other than a couple of friends of friends who are minor stoners? What then?

Buy your friends some meth?
2013-02-23 10:18:56 PM  
1 vote:
Uh-oh. I just hired a 14-year old girl to kill my boss. How screwed am I?
2013-02-23 10:08:54 PM  
1 vote:
Just call 3624368.
2013-02-23 09:35:55 PM  
1 vote:
Does anyone know a crack dealer? I need to launder some money, but don't know how.
2013-02-23 09:15:13 PM  
1 vote:
I always wanted to be a hitman just so I could say: "So, would you like it to look like an accident, or would you like to send a message?"
2013-02-23 09:00:22 PM  
1 vote:
WHOA slow down. It's still considered murder? Even if somebody else does it for you???
2013-02-23 08:43:32 PM  
1 vote:

RealAmericanHero: How does one go about finding a fake hitman, let alone a real one

That is one of those "if you have to ask you wont know" questions.
2013-02-23 08:42:23 PM  
1 vote:
Well, if you want things done to your satisfaction, you really have to do it yourself.
2013-02-23 08:28:46 PM  
1 vote:
$8000 is not enough for a real hit...I wont work for less than 25k.
Displayed 19 of 19 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.