If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Yahoo)   Note to people who need to kill someone: most "hit men" are undercover cops, so you'll just have to do it yourself   (gma.yahoo.com) divider line 113
    More: Dumbass, school nurse, Roanoke Times, kindergartens, women's work  
•       •       •

6640 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Feb 2013 at 8:23 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



113 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-02-23 08:26:44 PM  
Or just con men who will take the money and run.
 
2013-02-23 08:27:25 PM  
Unless you want them shot in the back, then just hire a BART cop.
 
2013-02-23 08:28:46 PM  
$8000 is not enough for a real hit...I wont work for less than 25k.
 
2013-02-23 08:29:02 PM  
NOT cops...

i.huffpost.com
 
2013-02-23 08:29:42 PM  

thenooch: $8000 is not enough for a real hit...I wont work for less than 25k.


bottom feeder...
 
2013-02-23 08:35:25 PM  
You have to go onto the deepweb if you want any of that done.

/never go full-evil
 
2013-02-23 08:35:55 PM  
I'll kill him for $8,000, first I will get him a smoking habit, then a drinking habit, then voila, he's dead and it's untraceable, It may take 20 years but hey he was 63 to start with.
 
2013-02-23 08:36:25 PM  
I was wondering why that 13year old girl I was sexting with was so ready to kill my wife for me.
 
2013-02-23 08:36:43 PM  
I'm not sure how one would go about hiring a hitman but I would do my best to find a way to establish dead drops where prepaid cell phones would be the major way of communicating.
 
2013-02-23 08:37:12 PM  

thenooch: $8000 is not enough for a real hit...I wont work for less than 25k.


I never worked for so little, it betterbe a noble cause.
 
2013-02-23 08:38:50 PM  
How does one go about finding a fake hitman, let alone a real one
 
2013-02-23 08:39:02 PM  
How did I know it would be a woman.
 
2013-02-23 08:39:39 PM  
I am both surprised and disappointed there are no snarky posts about pictures. Ummm, I would hit the one on right if she promised not to murder me.
 
2013-02-23 08:40:09 PM  
You'd think people would learn.  Just like the pedo bears that think a thirteen year old girl wants to have sex with a 58 year old.
 
2013-02-23 08:42:23 PM  
Well, if you want things done to your satisfaction, you really have to do it yourself.
 
2013-02-23 08:43:32 PM  

RealAmericanHero: How does one go about finding a fake hitman, let alone a real one


That is one of those "if you have to ask you wont know" questions.
 
2013-02-23 08:44:21 PM  

Gergesa: I'm not sure how one would go about hiring a hitman but I would do my best to find a way to establish dead drops where prepaid cell phones would be the major way of communicating.


Start with known meth users.
 
2013-02-23 08:46:35 PM  
So when I advertise on Craigslist for a hitman, I'll just specify "no cops...."
 
2013-02-23 08:49:14 PM  

Jumpin Jbot: You have to go onto the deepweb alleyways and look for homeless guys if you want any of that done.


FTFY

/sad story happened here
 
2013-02-23 08:50:36 PM  

SpdrJay: So when I advertise on Craigslist for a hitman, I'll just specify "no cops...."


You ask if they are a cop, they're not allowed to lie.

/not a lawyer
//don't call me from jail
 
2013-02-23 08:51:44 PM  

RealAmericanHero: How does one go about finding a fake hitman, let alone a real one


Soldier of Fortune magazine.....ya rly

/i've said too much
 
2013-02-23 08:53:44 PM  
The funny thing is, for the right price, most undercover cops WILL kill someone for you.
 
2013-02-23 08:55:40 PM  
"If I was dead, she would not have to give me the money," he told the Roanoke Times. "That scares the H-E-L-L out of me.

Kill him.
 
2013-02-23 08:56:49 PM  
From the comments:

"Well, at least she did not get busted for having sex with a student."

Pure gold right there.
 
2013-02-23 08:59:08 PM  
what if you put out a hit for yourself.  then tell the guy with the gun, it's ME! i paid you, don't kill me!!
 
2013-02-23 09:00:22 PM  
WHOA slow down. It's still considered murder? Even if somebody else does it for you???
 
2013-02-23 09:10:25 PM  
I can't stand lazy people. If it's that important, do it yourself and blame [INSERT RACIAL SLUR OF YOUR CHOICE].
 
2013-02-23 09:12:38 PM  

gaslight: I can't stand lazy people. If it's that important, do it yourself and blame [INSERT RACIAL SLUR OF YOUR CHOICE].


but what if you can't HANDLE bitcoins
 
2013-02-23 09:15:13 PM  
I always wanted to be a hitman just so I could say: "So, would you like it to look like an accident, or would you like to send a message?"
 
2013-02-23 09:17:21 PM  

Ryker's Peninsula: I always wanted to be a hitman just so I could say: "So, would you like it to look like an accident, or would you like to send a message?"


and then i'd say "i want it to GAY because i'm GAY"
 
2013-02-23 09:18:33 PM  
Never trust a bottle blonde.
 
2013-02-23 09:19:38 PM  

Jon iz teh kewl: what if you put out a hit for yourself.  then tell the guy with the gun, it's ME! i paid you, don't kill me!!


I saw a porn movie with that plot.
 
2013-02-23 09:21:58 PM  
By the way, Forsyth, the author of Day of the Jackal, had a series of short stories. One of which involved a man wanting to bump off his girlfriend's husband. I shan't ruin the ending for you.
 
2013-02-23 09:22:15 PM  

Lipspinach: Jon iz teh kewl: what if you put out a hit for yourself.  then tell the guy with the gun, it's ME! i paid you, don't kill me!!

I saw a porn movie with that plot.


was it GAY??
 
2013-02-23 09:30:14 PM  
NO!

maybe
 
2013-02-23 09:32:54 PM  

Glancing Blow: Gergesa: I'm not sure how one would go about hiring a hitman but I would do my best to find a way to establish dead drops where prepaid cell phones would be the major way of communicating.

Start with known meth users.


What if you've led a life where you've managed to completely avoid anything of the sort other than a couple of friends of friends who are minor stoners? What then?
 
2013-02-23 09:33:22 PM  

Lipspinach: NO!

maybe


i think it would be kewl in a non-gay porno type movie.  with Matt Damon as the agent
 
2013-02-23 09:35:55 PM  
Does anyone know a crack dealer? I need to launder some money, but don't know how.
 
2013-02-23 09:42:10 PM  

skinink: Does anyone know a crack dealer? I need to launder some money, but don't know how.


have you tried the Church's Chicken in St. Pete??
 
2013-02-23 09:42:11 PM  
I seem to remember the going rate in Oakland was a $100 bucks just a few years ago. Can't find the article. I did discover that you can have someone killed for about $35 bucks in Sinaloa.
 
2013-02-23 09:46:09 PM  
most "hit men" are undercover cops, so you'll just have to do it yourself

and so are all of the 14 year old girls on the internet that want to meet you for sex.
 
2013-02-23 09:49:54 PM  
Gergesa: I'm not sure how one would go about hiring a hitman

I could tell you, but then I would have to kill you.

// first rule of hitman club, never talk about hitman club.
 
2013-02-23 09:52:04 PM  
I always wonder where people go to find a hitman, and where these cops go to advertise their fake service.
 
2013-02-23 09:53:10 PM  

Glancing Blow: Gergesa: I'm not sure how one would go about hiring a hitman but I would do my best to find a way to establish dead drops where prepaid cell phones would be the major way of communicating.

Start with known meth users.


That is how these things usually get started. The person who wants to find a hitman reaches out to the scummiest person they know to get them in touch with a hitman. The one thing that this person doesn't realize is that even though the person they reached out to is a scumbag, that most people, even the scumbags, have a problem with being involved with killing somebody, so that person usually ends up reporting the plot to the police. And that is when the police set up a meet with an undercover, usually some burly white guy that hasn't shaved in a few days, dressed in a cut off T-shirt, probably with a confederate flag on it, jeans, a belt with a large buckle, and a bandana, for some reason this is how people imagine that hitmen dress.
 
2013-02-23 09:55:04 PM  

Ryker's Peninsula: I always wanted to be a hitman just so I could say: "So, would you like it to look like an accident, or would you like to send a message?"


"What, is this high school? Am I asking you to find out if Susie thinks I'm hot? Kill the farking girl."
 
2013-02-23 10:03:02 PM  
You want to know where these idiots go looking for hitmen? They pick out the sh**tiest bar they can find in the sh**tiest part of town. If there's a Harley or two out front, more the better. They come in, buy one friggin' drink and nurse that while scoping out the potential killers in the crowd. When they decide on one, they buy 'em a drink and open with something lame about "You look like someone I know," or some s**t like that.

They'll usually time it so when they go out for a smoke or something, they ask the question. Nine times out of ten, they guy they talk to calls the cops on 'em, because dropping dime on someone looking for a hitman is worth at least one "Get Out of Jail Free" card. They look for either the most biker-looking dude, the inevitable veteran, or the burn-out with crazy eyes. How do I know this? For sixteen years I bartended at some of those sh*thole taverns and witnessed it twice.

The first time it was an actual murder-for-hire. The guy was Joe Average from the 'burbs, with approximately zero street smarts. The man had no sublety whatsoever. He plops down on a stool next to one of my regulars and lays it out before I get his first beer. The biker laughs him down, and this rocket scientist proceeded to ask three more people before I had enough of his shenanigans and sent him away. A few weeks later, he was in the paper for getting busted after someone turned him onto an undercover cop.  The second one wasn't trying to have someone killed, but rather, this woman wanted her ex lumped up. The very first person she asked was a retired cop, who cheerfully played along. I have no idea what happened to either of them afterwards, nor do I care. But that's how they managed to further screw up their lives in this manner.
 
2013-02-23 10:03:29 PM  
yeah, right, subby.  next thing you'll be telling me this hot little chick I met on the internet isn't really a high school nympho that likes boinking middle-aged pudgy guys.
 
2013-02-23 10:08:54 PM  
Just call 3624368.
 
2013-02-23 10:09:33 PM  

Too Pretty For Prison: yeah, right, subby.  next thing you'll be telling me this hot little chick I met on the internet isn't really a high school nympho that likes boinking middle-aged pudgy guys.


She has to tell you if she's a cop, it's in the constitution!


/actually that's bullshiat.
 
2013-02-23 10:11:39 PM  

RealAmericanHero: How does one go about finding a fake hitman, let alone a real one


Are you asking because a friend wants to know?
 
Displayed 50 of 113 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report