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(Nerve)   Your great-grandma's sex toy looked like a cake mixer   (nerve.com) divider line 87
    More: Weird, female sexuality  
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16242 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Feb 2013 at 7:39 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-22 02:28:52 PM
My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

www.nerve.com
 
2013-02-22 03:28:44 PM

BarkingUnicorn: My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

[www.nerve.com image 600x463]


My mom had one very similar to this...I used to use the bottom left attachment on my scalp, because the farking box SAID "for use on scalp." Now that I know this device's TRUE purpose, I am going to need a LOT of therapy.

And shampoo.

Damn you, internet...

www.nerve.com
 
2013-02-22 06:33:43 PM
Oh, Jesus. My mom had one of these in the hall closet, too.

Shiat.
 
2013-02-22 06:36:26 PM
Dammitsomuch! MeMaw's Dildo was my new stripper name.
 
2013-02-22 06:47:13 PM
Yes, and her mother had her doctor use even bigger ones on her.  What's your point again?
 
2013-02-22 06:50:56 PM
It feels good on my Bundt.
 
2013-02-22 07:24:12 PM
Once while driving down the road, I saw something unusual on the side of the road that wasn't sure what it was, but I chose to pick it up for scrap when I noticed a power cord.  A resident at the house gave me strange look as I picked it up and tossed it into the truck.  Really old and look like an ottoman, however had the cord.  When I tore it apart I found two very strong vibrator motors inside.  It had two power settings and well you just sit and ride.  The upholstery went into the trash very quickly.

/I think it WAS the guy's grandmother's vibrator
//really old design, if it wasn't nasty, I might have considered selling it to an antiques store
 
2013-02-22 07:35:20 PM
 
2013-02-22 07:35:36 PM
farm9.staticflickr.com
 
2013-02-22 07:46:05 PM
And for the overachieving grandma
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-02-22 07:47:16 PM
   My great grandmas' sex toy looked like her great ice man..
 
2013-02-22 07:48:21 PM
No, it looked like a Stephenson locomotive, and she liked it.

www.combat-diaries.co.uk
 
2013-02-22 07:48:22 PM
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-02-22 07:49:48 PM
There's a sex toy shop down the street from me that has a small "museum" of vibrators and such. There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

If lightning happens to hit the power lines while you're using it, you'd better be comfortable with the looks you're going to get in ER.
 
2013-02-22 07:51:19 PM
Huh my greatgramma's cake mixer looked like a sex toy.
 
2013-02-22 07:52:06 PM

MrEricSir: There's a sex toy shop down the street from me that has a small "museum" of vibrators and such. There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

If lightning happens to hit the power lines while you're using it, you'd better be comfortable with the looks you're going to get in ER.


"Well ... at least she died smiling."
 
2013-02-22 07:52:41 PM
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-02-22 07:53:03 PM

YouPeopleAreCrazy: And for the overachieving grandma
[24.media.tumblr.com image 850x637]


When one stuffing isn't enough.
 
2013-02-22 07:53:59 PM

aspAddict: BarkingUnicorn: My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

[www.nerve.com image 600x463]

My mom had one very similar to this...I used to use the bottom left attachment on my scalp, because the farking box SAID "for use on scalp." Now that I know this device's TRUE purpose, I am going to need a LOT of therapy.

And shampoo.

Damn you, internet...

[www.nerve.com image 600x581]


What the phark is the name of the color of the plastic appliances in the 70's were made of? Sandstone? Light Ochre?
 
2013-02-22 07:54:03 PM
Back in the day, I owned a couple of "facial massagers."  Snicker!
 
2013-02-22 07:54:26 PM

MrEricSir: There's a sex toy shop down the street from me that has a small "museum" of vibrators and such. There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

If lightning happens to hit the power lines while you're using it, you'd better be comfortable with the looks you're going to get in ER.



It's going to be ahh... ahh... ahh... ARRRRGGGHHHHYESYESYES.
 
2013-02-22 07:56:43 PM
And did it also smell of elderberries?
 
2013-02-22 07:56:57 PM

EnglishMajor: Back in the day, I owned a couple of "facial massagers."  Snicker!


Sure, but these days you can get your face slapped in a Thai massage parlor for $350.

Yes, really.
 
2013-02-22 07:57:10 PM

albuquerquehalsey: aspAddict: BarkingUnicorn: My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

[www.nerve.com image 600x463]

My mom had one very similar to this...I used to use the bottom left attachment on my scalp, because the farking box SAID "for use on scalp." Now that I know this device's TRUE purpose, I am going to need a LOT of therapy.

And shampoo.

Damn you, internet...

[www.nerve.com image 600x581]

What the phark is the name of the color of the plastic appliances in the 70's were made of? Sandstone? Light Ochre?


Almond.
 
2013-02-22 07:57:52 PM
For a history of the "therapeutic" vibrators used to treat "hysteria" check out Rachel Maines' The Technology of Orgasm: "Hysteria", the Vibrator and Women's Sexual Satisfaction.

For an entertaining fictionalized account of those early days watch Hysteria starring Maggie Glyenhall
 
2013-02-22 08:01:24 PM
I think my great grandma's sex toy was the mailman.
 
2013-02-22 08:01:27 PM
www.nerve.com

Geez, can't believe this thing is that old. Have this exact item, even sticker is worn ( and still works).  Got it in a yard sale and GREAT for bad back. Lay down on it, then position yourself where there is a disc out and stretch.. *POP*.. 90% of the time I can get my back to go back in place.
Doesn't seem to vibrate very much, though - wouldn't think women would get much of a rush out of it - of course back in the 60's with nothing else around... maybe they did.

/great, now I have this horrible image of some little old, ugly old, wrinkled old lady sexually abusing my back cracker.... screw u subby!!!
 
2013-02-22 08:02:56 PM

gunther_bumpass: albuquerquehalsey: aspAddict: BarkingUnicorn: My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

[www.nerve.com image 600x463]

My mom had one very similar to this...I used to use the bottom left attachment on my scalp, because the farking box SAID "for use on scalp." Now that I know this device's TRUE purpose, I am going to need a LOT of therapy.

And shampoo.

Damn you, internet...

[www.nerve.com image 600x581]

What the phark is the name of the color of the plastic appliances in the 70's were made of? Sandstone? Light Ochre?

Almond.


Popular shades of appliances in the 1970s were bad avocado, carrot puke, poop brown, and jaundice beige.
 
2013-02-22 08:03:10 PM
My mother had the one that is shaped like the real deal. Right down to the same color. I found it one day near the TV in their bedroom. Snuck in to watch Simpsons....

Scarred for life.

//eewwww
 
2013-02-22 08:08:15 PM

BarkingUnicorn: My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

[www.nerve.com image 600x463]


Did you feel ashamed yet excited at the same time? That's how it starts (for me anyway).
Before you know it you'll be paying "escort girls" to poo on your chest while singing Abba
songs.
 
2013-02-22 08:08:45 PM
According to my mother, her mother's sex toy WAS a mixer.
 
2013-02-22 08:08:57 PM
So the massive dick shaped cake mixer in Mom's cabinet was not for mixing cake?
 
2013-02-22 08:13:26 PM
Saw one of those once when my grandmother was babysitting me when I was about 7 years old.  I was playing dragon slayer in her cool medieval dungeon she had in the basement.  Not really sure why she had a cake mixer in there?  should have asked grandpa (or as we called him, the gimp), problem was he was busy trying to unzip his mask....

//ahhhh wait a minute!
// that explains the jungle vine rope swing....
 
2013-02-22 08:22:12 PM

Arthur Two Sheds Jackson: Before you know it you'll be paying "escort girls" to poo on your chest while singing Abba songs.


That's disgusting! Abba is intolerable.
 
2013-02-22 08:23:32 PM

gunther_bumpass: albuquerquehalsey: aspAddict: BarkingUnicorn: My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

[www.nerve.com image 600x463]

My mom had one very similar to this...I used to use the bottom left attachment on my scalp, because the farking box SAID "for use on scalp." Now that I know this device's TRUE purpose, I am going to need a LOT of therapy.

And shampoo.

Damn you, internet...

[www.nerve.com image 600x581]

What the phark is the name of the color of the plastic appliances in the 70's were made of? Sandstone? Light Ochre?

Almond.


AH, That's it, I totally knew that before I didn't know it.
 
2013-02-22 08:25:00 PM
Oh. My. God. My grandmother had one of those.  My cousin and I used to play with it.
 
2013-02-22 08:25:25 PM
As a kid my mom let me lick the beater after she baked a cake.....
 
2013-02-22 08:25:40 PM

MrEricSir: There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.


Grounding and isolation transformers. How do they work?

/Oh apparently as well in dildos as in every other thing you plug into the wall.....
//Still... AC mains powered dongs seem a little much
///Haven't tried it though so won't knock
 
2013-02-22 08:27:28 PM

Doktor_Zhivago: MrEricSir: There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

Grounding and isolation transformers. How do they work?

/Oh apparently as well in dildos as in every other thing you plug into the wall.....
//Still... AC mains powered dongs seem a little much
///Haven't tried it though so won't knock


Strap in and  ride the lightning!
 
2013-02-22 08:35:17 PM
Holy Christ.
It's like I just clicked through a list of rejected David Cronenberg props because they were too disgusting even for him.
 
2013-02-22 08:37:18 PM

Doktor_Zhivago: MrEricSir: There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

Grounding and isolation transformers. How do they work?

/Oh apparently as well in dildos as in every other thing you plug into the wall.....
//Still... AC mains powered dongs seem a little much
///Haven't tried it though so won't knock


Grounding? In antique electronics? Oh wait, you're serious. I'd laugh, but I'm too busy being electrocuted by a vibrator up my butt.
 
2013-02-22 08:43:05 PM
Grandma, and PJ Soles.

www.hollywoodchicago.com
 
2013-02-22 08:47:05 PM

fappomatic: According to my mother, her mother's sex toy WAS a mixer.


farking machines dot com.............cake mixer sex toy............all i'm going to say.
 
2013-02-22 08:51:29 PM

slackananda: Arthur Two Sheds Jackson: Before you know it you'll be paying "escort girls" to poo on your chest while singing Abba songs.

That's disgusting! Abba is intolerable.


Yea but their music seems to relax the large colon...Which is nice.....
 
2013-02-22 08:53:08 PM
www.nerve.com

My barber still uses one of these, best part of getting a haircut.
 
2013-02-22 08:55:48 PM

nmemkha: MrEricSir: There's a sex toy shop down the street from me that has a small "museum" of vibrators and such. There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

If lightning happens to hit the power lines while you're using it, you'd better be comfortable with the looks you're going to get in ER.

"Well ... at least she died smiling doing what she loved."


FTFY.
 
2013-02-22 08:58:00 PM
And a good time was had by all.
 
2013-02-22 09:00:20 PM

ReapTheChaos: [www.nerve.com image 600x400]

My barber still uses one of these, best part of getting a haircut.


Well lets hope his fingers didn't smell.
 
2013-02-22 09:00:37 PM

MrEricSir: Doktor_Zhivago: MrEricSir: There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

Grounding and isolation transformers. How do they work?

/Oh apparently as well in dildos as in every other thing you plug into the wall.....
//Still... AC mains powered dongs seem a little much
///Haven't tried it though so won't knock

Grounding? In antique electronics? Oh wait, you're serious. I'd laugh, but I'm too busy being electrocuted by a vibrator up my butt.


I was referring to modern stuff.  Didn't think about ye olde AC motyrs of olde.  Why didn't Thomas Edison put three prongs and a GFCI on his robo dongs? What a jackass.
 
2013-02-22 09:04:21 PM

Doktor_Zhivago: MrEricSir: Doktor_Zhivago: MrEricSir: There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

Grounding and isolation transformers. How do they work?

/Oh apparently as well in dildos as in every other thing you plug into the wall.....
//Still... AC mains powered dongs seem a little much
///Haven't tried it though so won't knock

Grounding? In antique electronics? Oh wait, you're serious. I'd laugh, but I'm too busy being electrocuted by a vibrator up my butt.

I was referring to modern stuff.  Didn't think about ye olde AC motyrs of olde.  Why didn't Thomas Edison put three prongs and a GFCI on his robo dongs? What a jackass.


Because he wanted to not only fark Tesla up the ass, but give him a shock as well.
 
2013-02-22 09:06:38 PM
Fark, you're slipping

blog.timesunion.com
 
2013-02-22 09:13:01 PM

jso2897: And did it also smell of elderberries?


Hamsters!
 
2013-02-22 09:20:24 PM

flyinglizard: jso2897: And did it also smell of elderberries?

Hamsters!


Not tuna?
 
2013-02-22 09:21:33 PM
Does this cake taste funny to anybody else?


Happy birthday.
 
2013-02-22 09:21:51 PM

Walosi: Oh. My. God. My grandmother had one of those.  My cousin and I used to play with it.


Go on...
 
2013-02-22 09:27:24 PM

treecologist: Grandma, and PJ Soles.

[www.hollywoodchicago.com image 365x345]


also:

farm9.staticflickr.com
 
2013-02-22 09:36:24 PM
FTFA: ... vibrators stopped looking so much like common household appliances and started resembling what they truly are: tools to make us come.

I really think in this context you might as well just go ahead and spell it "cum."
 
2013-02-22 09:40:20 PM
Me-ma was a bit more hardcore.
www.old-woodworking-tools.net
 
2013-02-22 09:46:16 PM
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-22 10:01:22 PM

DS1970: Yeah, right...my finger looks like a cake mixer, does it?


You fingered your great grandmother?
 
2013-02-22 10:02:25 PM
MrEricSir: Grounding? In antique electronics? Oh wait, you're serious. I'd laugh, but I'm too busy being electrocuted by a vibrator up my butt.

This actually exists: Erostek ET302R electro-ejaculator:

www.washingtoncitypaper.com

Per the article, this can be attached to a uh... insertion device... which can then be inserted into an orifice.
 
2013-02-22 10:14:39 PM

orclover: fappomatic: According to my mother, her mother's sex toy WAS a mixer.

farking machines dot com.............cake mixer sex toy............all i'm going to say.


It's not everyday that I see something new on the internet.

\just saw something new on the internet
 
2013-02-22 10:23:39 PM
Relevant to this thread's interests

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hysteria_(2011_film)
 
2013-02-22 10:32:30 PM

Clock Spider Jerusalem: gunther_bumpass: albuquerquehalsey: aspAddict: BarkingUnicorn: My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

[www.nerve.com image 600x463]

My mom had one very similar to this...I used to use the bottom left attachment on my scalp, because the farking box SAID "for use on scalp." Now that I know this device's TRUE purpose, I am going to need a LOT of therapy.

And shampoo.

Damn you, internet...

[www.nerve.com image 600x581]

What the phark is the name of the color of the plastic appliances in the 70's were made of? Sandstone? Light Ochre?

Almond.

Popular shades of appliances in the 1970s were bad avocado, carrot puke, poop brown, and jaundice beige.


Don't forget Harvest Gold, or babysh*t yellow as I refer to it.
 
2013-02-22 10:34:12 PM
My mom has one that she actually uses for her back. At least, I hope so - she's always offering to use it on me...
 
2013-02-22 10:59:16 PM
My grandmother was a simple farm girl and didn't need fancy gadgets

i-cdn.apartmenttherapy.com
 
2013-02-22 11:00:00 PM
Your great-grandma's sex toy looked like a cake mixer

Oh, yeah?  Well, YOUR great-grandmother's face looked just like my dog's ass!

I'm rubber...you're glue...
 
2013-02-22 11:17:02 PM
Oh lord, I think my grandmother had one of those things.  She said it was to get the wrinkles out of her face, and even showed me once.  She also kept it in the dining room, in the sideboard.  On the one hand, ew!!!  On the other, yay Grandma!

TheMega: [www.nerve.com image 600x447]


That reminds me of a CSS:  A few years ago I went to an amusement park with friends.  We were taking a break, and saw one of those "foot massager" set-ups - a row of chairs with that bump to separate your legs, and a foot plate.  And because you had to sit close up so your feet touched the plate, this saddle horn like bump was damn close to your crotch.  You paid a buck and it massaged your feet, so I tried it.  In reality, the "foot massager" vibrated your feet and the whole damn chair.  Strongly.  Very strongly.  I had to vacate the item a few seconds after it started, or else it would have become very embarrassing.  My friends saw me leave the chair and asked if I was ok, as I was flushed.  Just fine, it was too ticklish I said.  Man, I want one of those for home!
 
2013-02-22 11:19:13 PM

ReapTheChaos: [www.nerve.com image 600x400]

My barber still uses one of these, best part of getting a haircut.


Dafuq is that? It looks like something you wind transformers with.
 
2013-02-22 11:21:10 PM

Old Gnarled Oak: My grandmother was a simple farm girl and didn't need fancy gadgets

[i-cdn.apartmenttherapy.com image 540x360]


But it doesn't vibrate.

Unless you hollow it out and fill it with angry hornets.

Bzzzzz...bzzzz....
 
2013-02-22 11:22:13 PM

Duck_of_Doom: Oh lord, I think my grandmother had one of those things.  She said it was to get the wrinkles out of her face, and even showed me once.  She also kept it in the dining room, in the sideboard.  On the one hand, ew!!!  On the other, yay Grandma!

TheMega: [www.nerve.com image 600x447]

That reminds me of a CSS:  A few years ago I went to an amusement park with friends.  We were taking a break, and saw one of those "foot massager" set-ups - a row of chairs with that bump to separate your legs, and a foot plate.  And because you had to sit close up so your feet touched the plate, this saddle horn like bump was damn close to your crotch.  You paid a buck and it massaged your feet, so I tried it.  In reality, the "foot massager" vibrated your feet and the whole damn chair.  Strongly.  Very strongly.  I had to vacate the item a few seconds after it started, or else it would have become very embarrassing.  My friends saw me leave the chair and asked if I was ok, as I was flushed.  Just fine, it was too ticklish I said.  Man, I want one of those for home!


So I take it grandma used the same hand to pass the gravy
 
2013-02-22 11:54:33 PM

digitalrain: ReapTheChaos: [www.nerve.com image 600x400]

My barber still uses one of these, best part of getting a haircut.

Dafuq is that? It looks like something you wind transformers with.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f26PkyZ4afI
 
2013-02-23 12:00:55 AM

FizixJunkee: orclover: fappomatic: According to my mother, her mother's sex toy WAS a mixer.

farking machines dot com.............cake mixer sex toy............all i'm going to say.

It's not everyday that I see something new on the internet.

\just saw something new on the internet


Glad I could help.  I have a 2 Terabyte removable hard drive with just 1 folder on it thats labeled "Sybian".  I dont have a problem or an addiction, I have FOCUS.

/and some crazy lady married me, can you believe it?
 
2013-02-23 12:37:14 AM
You gotta go old school sometimes

oldbulllee.com
 
2013-02-23 12:38:12 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-02-23 12:53:10 AM

MaxxLarge: Oh, Jesus. My mom had one of these in the hall closet, too.

Shiat.


And that is all I ever needed to know about your childhood. Kindly leave the internet and don't let the door hit you on the way out.

TheMega: [www.nerve.com image 600x447]

Geez, can't believe this thing is that old. Have this exact item, even sticker is worn ( and still works).  Got it in a yard sale and GREAT for bad back. Lay down on it, then position yourself where there is a disc out and stretch.. *POP*.. 90% of the time I can get my back to go back in place.
Doesn't seem to vibrate very much, though - wouldn't think women would get much of a rush out of it - of course back in the 60's with nothing else around... maybe they did.

/great, now I have this horrible image of some little old, ugly old, wrinkled old lady sexually abusing my back cracker.... screw u subby!!!


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

/My girlfriend has a thing with Hello Kitty on it. She uses it for her neck. She's weird.
 
2013-02-23 12:57:54 AM
i162.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-23 12:59:48 AM

orclover: Glad I could help. I have a 2 Terabyte removable hard drive with just 1 folder on it thats labeled "Sybian". I dont have a problem or an addiction, I have FOCUS.


Do you have this in your collection? (nsfw)
 
2013-02-23 01:19:25 AM

Ivo Shandor: orclover: Glad I could help. I have a 2 Terabyte removable hard drive with just 1 folder on it thats labeled "Sybian". I dont have a problem or an addiction, I have FOCUS.

Do you have this in your collection? (nsfw)


Everything.

/everything
 
2013-02-23 01:27:11 AM

Ivo Shandor: orclover: Glad I could help. I have a 2 Terabyte removable hard drive with just 1 folder on it thats labeled "Sybian". I dont have a problem or an addiction, I have FOCUS.

Do you have this in your collection? (nsfw)


idontwanttoliveonthisplanetanymore.jpg
 
2013-02-23 01:37:50 AM
so
this is one of those stories which green lit every couple of months?
YAWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

what is the time limit on a repeat?
same story identical story posted on a different website?

/hmmmmmmmmmmmmm note to self: repost this story once a week until I get a greenlight
/profit
 
2013-02-23 02:01:35 AM
Link

Song extremely relevant.
 
2013-02-23 06:06:49 AM

thepeterd: [upload.wikimedia.org image 784x1024]


I remember attending a church pot-luck dinner and hearing several of the church-going ladies going on and on about 'unbalancing the load".

Now I know WTF they meant.

/Ewwwww
 
2013-02-23 06:40:36 AM
Pretty sure my great grandmas sex toy looked like great grandpa. They had clown car numbers of childrens
 
2013-02-23 08:42:27 AM
 "It would fit over the clitoris quite nicely."

GEEZ, how bit is your clitoris?!!?
No wonder grandma and grandpa had separate beds.
 
2013-02-23 09:24:32 AM

Badgers: [i.imgur.com image 850x637]


Why did you share your mom's toy with us all?
 
2013-02-23 03:05:57 PM
For when those wicked thoughts about Richard Harding Davis became just too much........
 
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