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(The Atlantic Wire)   Today's conspiracy theory on why the pope is resigning: gay clergy sex parties and the plot of Godfather III   (theatlanticwire.com) divider line 93
    More: Obvious, sex parties, gay sex, pope, male prostitutes  
•       •       •

4531 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Feb 2013 at 3:52 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-22 03:14:59 PM
Great.  Now I've a mental image of the pope saying the immortal line "I'm going to make him an orifice he can't refuse"
 
2013-02-22 03:18:30 PM
I am not one for conspiracy theories, but I like this one.  The rich taste of hypocrisy with a mellow undertone of schadenfreude  makes for a lovely combination.
 
2013-02-22 03:36:03 PM
My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Pope Benedict pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
 
2013-02-22 03:43:17 PM
So priests being gay with each other is considered worse than priests buggering altar boys?

Nice Church you have there, be a shame if something were to happen to it.
 
2013-02-22 03:53:22 PM

Therion: So priests being gay with each other is considered worse than priests buggering altar boys?

Nice Church you have there, be a shame if something were to happen to it.


Do as they say, not as they do. Typical hypocrites.
 
2013-02-22 03:54:48 PM
So, the Pope is Gay.
 
2013-02-22 03:56:01 PM
Cousin farkers? Sofia Coppola's shiatty acting? How are the homosexuals involved?
 
2013-02-22 03:57:00 PM
The Pope himself being exposed as gay would be about as awesome a thing as I can conceive of.

Although not for the mental imagery....
 
2013-02-22 03:57:44 PM

Clock Spider Jerusalem: Cousin farkers? Sofia Coppola's shiatty acting? How are the homosexuals involved?


homo cousin farkers that's how
 
2013-02-22 03:59:02 PM

neversubmit: Clock Spider Jerusalem: Cousin farkers? Sofia Coppola's shiatty acting? How are the homosexuals involved?

homo cousin farkers that's how


Stupid Coppolas.

Someone get Nicky Cage to the Vatican to figure this shiat out.
 
2013-02-22 03:59:03 PM
They said that Pope John Paul I was killed off due to him proposing radical changes to the Vatican, as in selling off the assets the Vatican owned.  A group called P2 poisoned him, then killed off Roberto Calvi by faking his suicide.
 
2013-02-22 03:59:09 PM

Therion: So priests being gay with each other is considered worse than priests buggering altar boys?

Nice Church you have there, be a shame if something were to happen to it.


Well, what the media isn't really covering in relation to the whole altar boy sex scandal is the fact that since the altar boys are male, this, by definition, makes the priest gay or at the very least have gay tendencies.  The fact that they aren't getting it on with each other and instead choose kids makes them pedophiles, the fact that they're getting it on with a male of any age makes them gay.
 
2013-02-22 03:59:45 PM
Fark them. I'm down with the church of Zardoz
 
2013-02-22 04:01:50 PM
It's 2013 and people still care about homosexuality enough for the media to focus on it... People, I am disappoint.

/if you want good conspiracies, follow the money, not the abuse
 
2013-02-22 04:02:08 PM

Therion: So priests being gay with each other is considered worse than priests buggering altar boys?


That's the message they're trying to push. They want people, or stupid people, to believe homosexuality automatically means pedophila. They're hoping more hatred, controversy and violence will go towards GLBT people as a diversion from the truth.

That way they can have their fun without outside interference.
 
2013-02-22 04:02:37 PM

eyeq360: They said that Pope John Paul I was killed off due to him proposing radical changes to the Vatican, as in selling off the assets the Vatican owned.  A group called P2 poisoned him, then killed off Roberto Calvi by faking his suicide.


I thought he ate a polonium communion wafer.
 
2013-02-22 04:02:41 PM
I always thought that relationship between Palpatine and Vader seemed a little sketch.
 
2013-02-22 04:03:22 PM
Someone brought lemons to the party.
 
2013-02-22 04:06:39 PM

SpdrJay: I always thought that relationship between Palpatine and Vader seemed a little sketch.


Palpatine freeballs under his robe.
 
2013-02-22 04:10:13 PM
Fark probably skipped the most interesting aspect of the whole thing.

The last meeting the Pope had before announcing his 'retirement' was with the Knights of Malta. He skipped a funeral for a bishop he was supposed to attend at the last minute in order to attend the meeting.

/just puttin' that out there
 
2013-02-22 04:10:33 PM
Eh, I think the most likely explanation is that he wants to be able to have some influence over his successors so he can insure that his policies will live on for many more years. Even Popes think about how to best preserve their legacy.
 
2013-02-22 04:11:00 PM
The real answer is that he's wanted by the ICC for Crimes Against Humanity, and people would question why the Pope is not visiting countries like other Popes, so instead he makes up some bullshiat about he's retiring and he's going to cloister himself inside the Vatican and pray.

Riiiiiight!
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-02-22 04:13:34 PM
This is the most only plausible one I have heard so far.  Considering the Vatican rent boy scandal from a while back, it is possible.
 
2013-02-22 04:13:49 PM

thornhill: Eh, I think the most likely explanation is that he wants to be able to have some influence over his successors so he can insure that his policies will live on for many more years. Even Popes think about how to best preserve their legacy.


But that explanation is no fun to speculate about.

And, ultimately, I hope untrue since I think the Church needs to go in a different direction, and even then, it probably wouldn't matter since the College of Cardinals is loaded with people he more or less hand picked.
 
2013-02-22 04:14:14 PM
 "We'll gladly put you at the helm of our little fleet.  But our ships must all sail in the same direction."
- Licio Lucchesi

1.bp.blogspot.com
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-22 04:15:14 PM
Bruxellensis: "Someone brought lemons to the party. "

What you did there: it cannot be unseen.
 
2013-02-22 04:15:46 PM
Okay first things first: I am Catholic, and i've been "wired in" to church poltics through various friends for a long time so let me just say this to this part of TFA:
The Vatican has a Velvet Mafia - and the Velvet Mafia is being blackmailed.The dossier alleges that a gay lobby exists within the Church, and has some sort of control on the careers of those in the Vatican.

OF COURSE there are a lot of Gay Priests, it's the lack of them recently that directly led to the pedophilia scandal.   Back before Stonewall, the celibacy of the priesthood offered a safe haven for those who found themselves horrified by their own sexuality, and a lot of "vocational callings" came from kids who were apalled to be sporting wood when changing witht he boys at thier all amle Catholic HS.  The church knew it and depnded on it to keep up the supply of priestly candiadtes , particularly in America where, as the Irish and Itallian immigrants moved into the solid middle class they stopped having such giant families and the tradition of "one for God" (ie having at least one child in every family take Holy orders) fell out of practice.

The whole mess the church is in right now is that since the 70's vocation have dried to a trickle in the US-where most parishes had three regular priests and a pastor back in the day, the current priestly shortage means that many of those churches now maybe get one full-time priest, and he's just as likely to be from Africa or Asia as to have grown up in the neighborhood these days.  Just like the US army during the gulf war, as recruitment dropped off the cliff, so did standards for enlistees.  Many of those pedophile priests would have been  washed out thanks to the rigorous psych screening the Church does on seminarians.  Now however, a lot of the sail right through.  It's not totally clear to me whether they just stopped screening, or if they KNOW but figure since the guy is taking a VOW of celibacy that he'll be fine no matter how twisted he is (and because otherwise they might have years where they make exactly zero new priests).  Either way, the church knew this was coming for a long time, and the effort at the top to blame this on the gays is not only sickening, but wildly disingenous
 
2013-02-22 04:16:41 PM

J. Frank Parnell: Fark probably skipped the most interesting aspect of the whole thing.

The last meeting the Pope had before announcing his 'retirement' was with the Knights of Malta. He skipped a funeral for a bishop he was supposed to attend at the last minute in order to attend the meeting.

/just puttin' that out there


I'd like to think there weren't any creepyass secret societies with power out there but knowing people there probably are.
 
2013-02-22 04:20:30 PM

Magorn: Okay first things first: I am Catholic, and i've been "wired in" to church poltics through various friends for a long time so let me just say this to this part of TFA:
The Vatican has a Velvet Mafia - and the Velvet Mafia is being blackmailed.The dossier alleges that a gay lobby exists within the Church, and has some sort of control on the careers of those in the Vatican.

OF COURSE there are a lot of Gay Priests, it's the lack of them recently that directly led to the pedophilia scandal.   Back before Stonewall, the celibacy of the priesthood offered a safe haven for those who found themselves horrified by their own sexuality, and a lot of "vocational callings" came from kids who were apalled to be sporting wood when changing witht he boys at thier all amle Catholic HS.  The church knew it and depnded on it to keep up the supply of priestly candiadtes , particularly in America where, as the Irish and Itallian immigrants moved into the solid middle class they stopped having such giant families and the tradition of "one for God" (ie having at least one child in every family take Holy orders) fell out of practice.

The whole mess the church is in right now is that since the 70's vocation have dried to a trickle in the US-where most parishes had three regular priests and a pastor back in the day, the current priestly shortage means that many of those churches now maybe get one full-time priest, and he's just as likely to be from Africa or Asia as to have grown up in the neighborhood these days.  Just like the US army during the gulf war, as recruitment dropped off the cliff, so did standards for enlistees.  Many of those pedophile priests would have been  washed out thanks to the rigorous psych screening the Church does on seminarians.  Now however, a lot of the sail right through.  It's not totally clear to me whether they just stopped screening, or if they KNOW but figure since the guy is taking a VOW of celibacy that he'll be fine no matter how twisted he is (and b ...


So you're saying that all the Irish priests just did it for the lulz?
 
2013-02-22 04:21:08 PM
CSB?
I was raised Catholic, I was an altar boy, and I was really into my Catholicism.  I also worked at my church a few nights per week while in HS stuffing bulletins, answering phones, and doing other secretarial stuff.  I lost the faith my senior year*, and only occasionally feel the tinge of Catholic guilt.

Our pastor was gay, into gay porn, and into trading gay porn.  It all came out when the diocese held some sort of internal investigation.  Visting priests would come around and swap gay porn.  I don't know what else they did.

Anyway the whole point of this is that when all this came out, I guess what was discovered (or at least speculated), was that the church actively recruited gay men into the clergy, because the celibacy that came with the cloth would prevent them from the abomination of homosexual acts.  I suppose this is all speculation but it makes sense to me.  The gay porn priest at my parish was in the Marine Core during Vietnam, and came back utterly confused.
/CSB

/no, he never touched me.  nice enough guy, but kind of an asshole to the "teen workers" when we didn't do some menial secretarial shiat right.
//once I was alter-serving for confirmation and the Bishop told me I had the calling.  Scary.

*I lost the faith completely and instantaneously.  It was the Sunday morning after the Saturday night that I lost my virginity.  I was sitting on the alter looking out into the congregation during the Homily as the (above) priest was going on about the abhorrence of abortion, euthanasia, the death penalty, and... contraception.  Having just committed the ultimate sin the night before, I was feeling pretty shiatty until I looked out into the congregation to observe everyone nodding in agreement with him and noticed each family had one, or maybe two children.  Never stopped having sex since.  Sex is awesome.
 
2013-02-22 04:23:00 PM
Godfather 3 came out 23 years ago.
 
2013-02-22 04:23:39 PM

Magorn: Okay first things first: I am Catholic, and i've been "wired in" to church poltics through various friends for a long time so let me just say this to this part of TFA:
The Vatican has a Velvet Mafia - and the Velvet Mafia is being blackmailed.The dossier alleges that a gay lobby exists within the Church, and has some sort of control on the careers of those in the Vatican.

OF COURSE there are a lot of Gay Priests, it's the lack of them recently that directly led to the pedophilia scandal.   Back before Stonewall, the celibacy of the priesthood offered a safe haven for those who found themselves horrified by their own sexuality, and a lot of "vocational callings" came from kids who were apalled to be sporting wood when changing witht he boys at thier all amle Catholic HS.  The church knew it and depnded on it to keep up the supply of priestly candiadtes , particularly in America where, as the Irish and Itallian immigrants moved into the solid middle class they stopped having such giant families and the tradition of "one for God" (ie having at least one child in every family take Holy orders) fell out of practice.

The whole mess the church is in right now is that since the 70's vocation have dried to a trickle in the US-where most parishes had three regular priests and a pastor back in the day, the current priestly shortage means that many of those churches now maybe get one full-time priest, and he's just as likely to be from Africa or Asia as to have grown up in the neighborhood these days.  Just like the US army during the gulf war, as recruitment dropped off the cliff, so did standards for enlistees.  Many of those pedophile priests would have been  washed out thanks to the rigorous psych screening the Church does on seminarians.  Now however, a lot of the sail right through.  It's not totally clear to me whether they just stopped screening, or if they KNOW but figure since the guy is taking a VOW of celibacy that he'll be fine no matter how twisted he is (and b ...


Agreed.  Echoes my post.
 
2013-02-22 04:23:56 PM
Aside from Sophia Coppola's bad acting, I actually enjoyed most of "Godfather part 3"

I think the critics focused too much on her acting (or lack there of) and the fact that it wasnt "Godfather part 2".

So yeah, there is too much hate for "Godfather 3". Just sayin!
 
2013-02-22 04:28:27 PM

Magorn: the celibacy of the priesthood offered a safe haven for those who found themselves horrified by their own sexuality


I find it more likely it was used as cover for those who wanted to do evil deeds, like all the serial killers and such who enjoy the image of being Church going and god-fearing. Pure evil is more skilled at appearing good than actual good people.

But to tie in my previous comment with all this sexual stuff, Jimmy Saville was a Knight of Malta, and perhaps with him being exposed as a pedophile the investigation led back to the Vatican, and this 'Velvet Mafia' is in fact the Knights of Malta.

/sometimes i hope i'm wrong because i don't want them to send people after me
 
2013-02-22 04:29:27 PM

Therion: So priests being gay with each other is considered worse than priests buggering altar boys?

Nice Church you have there, be a shame if something were to happen to it.


I suspect that they look on pedophilia as a mental sickness, while gayness is just a straight up sin.
 
2013-02-22 04:30:39 PM
Female and married clergy will definitely ruin the gay sex parties.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-02-22 04:31:41 PM

Magorn: Okay first things first: I am Catholic, and i've been "wired in" to church poltics through various friends for a long time so let me just say this to this part of TFA:
The Vatican has a Velvet Mafia - and the Velvet Mafia is being blackmailed.The dossier alleges that a gay lobby exists within the Church, and has some sort of control on the careers of those in the Vatican.

OF COURSE there are a lot of Gay Priests, it's the lack of them recently that directly led to the pedophilia scandal.   Back before Stonewall, the celibacy of the priesthood offered a safe haven for those who found themselves horrified by their own sexuality, and a lot of "vocational callings" came from kids who were apalled to be sporting wood when changing witht he boys at thier all amle Catholic HS.  The church knew it and depnded on it to keep up the supply of priestly candiadtes , particularly in America where, as the Irish and Itallian immigrants moved into the solid middle class they stopped having such giant families and the tradition of "one for God" (ie having at least one child in every family take Holy orders) fell out of practice.


For hundreds of years the priesthood has been the place for Catholic parents to dump gay sons.  It's kind of the only place they had to go.  Of course there is a "velvet mafia" in the church.  It probably goes back centuries.
 
2013-02-22 04:32:07 PM

Nabb1: My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Pope Benedict pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.


Thank you, Simone.
 
2013-02-22 04:34:35 PM
I thought it was pretty well known that the Vatican is run by gay priests.
 
2013-02-22 04:35:35 PM
Godfather III was easily the best of the trilogy.
 
2013-02-22 04:36:55 PM
Gay clergy sex parties are actually pretty believable coming from the Catholic church.
 
2013-02-22 04:38:18 PM
Every conspiracy theory is false. There is no criminality at the highest levels. Just look around: everything is going swimmingly.
 
2013-02-22 04:40:16 PM
i47.tinypic.com
 
2013-02-22 04:43:07 PM

Nabb1: thornhill: Eh, I think the most likely explanation is that he wants to be able to have some influence over his successors so he can insure that his policies will live on for many more years. Even Popes think about how to best preserve their legacy.

But that explanation is no fun to speculate about.

And, ultimately, I hope untrue since I think the Church needs to go in a different direction, and even then, it probably wouldn't matter since the College of Cardinals is loaded with people he more or less hand picked.


Based on what I've heard, the only potential change that might happen is a non-European Pope decentralizing some of the control Rome has over the rest of the world, granting Churches in South America and Africa more autonomy.
 
2013-02-22 04:44:08 PM
Taking religion seriously = psychosis

Teaching religion to children = child abuse.


The end.
 
2013-02-22 04:46:31 PM
I feel obliged to point out that McCain was actually quite tactful, since he wasn't talking to his wife.

In his 1992 Senate bid, McCain was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, as well as campaign aide Doug Cole and consultant Wes Gullett. At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain's hair and said, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain's face reddened, and he responded, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you c--t."

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/McCain_temper_boiled_over_in_92_0407.h tm l
 
2013-02-22 04:46:57 PM

Sir Not Sure The Unscannable: It's 2013 and people still care about homosexuality enough for the media to focus on it... People, I am disappoint.

/if you want good conspiracies, follow the money, not the abuse


Nah, we need to tie in the Russian meteor, lizard people, and Barack Obama's Kenyan birth certificate somehow.
 
2013-02-22 04:47:25 PM

rufus-t-firefly: I feel obliged to point out that McCain was actually quite tactful, since he wasn't talking to his wife.

In his 1992 Senate bid, McCain was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, as well as campaign aide Doug Cole and consultant Wes Gullett. At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain's hair and said, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain's face reddened, and he responded, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you c--t."

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/McCain_temper_boiled_over_in_92_0407.h tm l


WRONG GODDAMN THREAD.

/sorry
 
2013-02-22 04:47:49 PM
This guy was elected pope and accepted by Catholics despite everyone knowing the role he played in covering up the Church's sex scandals. Whatever got him to resign has to be huge. Like, he was diddling altar boys in line at the Vatican Bank to cash forged checks from the Mafia while making prank phone calls to the widows of 9/11.
 
2013-02-22 04:50:19 PM
There were two things I loved about The Godfather III - the papal subplot, because I think that's an interesting part of recent history, and the fact that Connie turned out to be the most vicious member of the Corleone family.
 
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